Anger

Everytime i have an angry outburst, i feel like the worst person afterwards. Even if the issue is completely resolved, i still feel really bad that i wasn't able to control myself better. I hate how i am..... i really do. Maybe i should seriously consider anger management because this thing is getting the best of me and i'm worried i will not be able to beat it on my own.

Validation

For some reason, i am really touched to know that the people at my job like me. First shift, the tech i worked with told me she loved working with me and she was sad i was leaving. Second shift, I just told the lady i worked with that the 11th of July was my last day and she said "what? You are leaving? Do you know how much we say we like you?" She said she calls me the silent tiger but i'm really quiet until someone (patient) gets on my nerves and i let them have it. I was really touched that they like me and talk about me in a good way. I already know the patients love me cos they tell me all the time. All i get are compliments from the patients about how sweet i am, a couple have said they want to adopt me and become my grandmother. Instead of me getting a swollen head, i am humbled. There are many times that i don't like myself. I don't see what the numerous guys who like me see in me. My family tells me what a great person i am, but i never listen or believe. I am my greatest critic and sometimes my own worst enemy.

Weird where i finally get my validation from. I bet when that lady told me what she told me this evening, she had no idea how much it would mean to me, but it meant a lot cos at work, i am just me. I like working there and help out as best as i can. No eye service, lip service or whatever. I just am my quiet, reserved self (God knows i'm the opposite at home. You can't get me to shut up). Anyway, it meant a lot to me that people would like me just for the simple fact that they think i'm a nice person (especially since it didn't come from a guy). I guess this just goes to show the importance of knowing your worth and understanding who you are as a person.  Enough of the mushy stuff.

In other news, 2 staff members fought at the job yesterday. I know for sure one of them is fired, the other one was taken off the schedule but i don't know if she was fired. The person who was fired was the aggressor or instigator of the incident, but in principle she was right and had a good reason to be angry. Everyone would have been on her side, if she didn't react the way she did. That incident just showed me how much you can lose if you let your temper control you. You always lose more than you can ever gain if you don't have control of your temper. Having a short fuse is my greatest flaw. I'm known this for as long as i can remember. In fact, it's one of my principle characteristics. I get irritated easily. I've been working on it, especially in recent times. I know it's going to be a long process but i am finally committed to doing things differently. I know better, i need to do better.

So between friday and Sunday, i have worked 40 hours, 8 on Friday, 16 on Saturday, and 16 today, Sunday. Just got home, still in my scrubs and i am here kneeling down beside my bed and typing away. Tell me i don't have problems. Maybe i belong in a mental hospital myself. Oh, before i forget, did u guys see the 2nd goal Ghana scored against USA during the extra time? Men, i trip for that goal. I was at work all day saturday, so i missed the live match, but at night before i got off work, they showed it again and i caught the last 2 mins of game play and the extra time. Nice way to end my day. If only it were Nigeria. It's okay sha, i still support Ghana wholeheartedly. Maybe next time for Naija. I think Enyeama is cute by the way. It doesn't hurt that he is good at what he does. Sexy!

Introspection

To thine own self be true- William Shakespeare.

I've been on this journey of self-discovery for a long, long time and i've accepted that it is a life long journey. I remember when i was 16, i always used to ask myself who i was. I've also been a thinker and given to introspection a lot. There are times when i love myself, but a lot more times when i don't like myself and there are times when i hate myself. The way i see myself sometimes changes depending on the situation i'm in. I don't think that's a good thing. The concept of who i am at my core should be solid and no circumstance should be able to sway or change that.

Do I really know who I am?
Have i accepted and embraced all that i am?
Have i discovered and uncovered all that lies within?
Or do i sometimes wish to be something or someone i can never be?

As i continue on my journey through life, i promise to always be true to myself. To embrace the person that i am and love being me because no body else can be better at being me than i can. I will continue to be myself because for one thing, everybody else is taken.

I'm still trying to find a balance on a lot of things in my life. So i might need to separate, clear my head, re-group and come back. It might take a day or it might take a week, but it definitely won't be long. This blog remains my free therapy and my sanctuary. I'm thankful for that and i'm especially thankful for all my readers including the silent ones. I appreciate the support and love i get from blogsville.

In the mean time, you can find me on Blog(s)Ville Gist and i will be doing an interview for The Nigerian Blog Awards sometime this week. So watch out for that.

6 things to work on

• Anger : I sabi vex! My blood too dey hot.  I used to get really angry to the point where i felt like i lost control of my actions. Not good! I just read of a lady who was sentenced to 25 yrs in prison for running over a group of boys throwing snacks at her car and killing one of them. So wasn't worth it. I've been working on that and it's a lot better. I only got angry once like that last yr. No incidents this year. Instead I'm just an emotional wreck. I still get irritated easily though. I have no patience for ignorance. I guess i need to work on that too.
• Being blunt: I used to be the queen of that. It was never on purpose too. I just said what i was thinking, the way i was thinking it. No filter. People always used to tell me i was too blunt and i never listened until about 3 yrs ago. I really don't like to hurt people's feeling and sometimes it takes a certain level of maturity to care about these things. I guess as i got older, i just became more conscious of it, and now i try to think about what i'm saying before i say it. I don't always succeed but i know i try. 
• Being sociable: I give myself a 3/10 for that one. I can be very shy, except at work where i know there's no room for that, then i just dive it. It's almost like i have a split personality sometimes. At home and around pple i'm close to, i will talk ur ear off. As soon as i walk out my house, it's a whole nother store. I don't do it on purpose but i'm aware of how i switch. I think i'm naturally quiet. Everyone at my job thinks i'm this mild mannered, sweet, soft spoken person. They should see me at home. My sister hosted a baby shower at her house, i did not step out of my room once. In my defense, i was having a moment that day, maybe i would have attended. We would never know. 
• Not cutting pple off easily: I would like to think that i'm a very loyal friend and i genuinely care about my friends.  I haven't really made a really good friend since i've been in this country (almost 8yrs). I was very close to my friend in California, but that fell through cos she was reading my blog, lying about it and then misinterpreting what she read on the blog. It was just a mess. Made me want to stop blogging but i stuck through it. Sad thing is I completely opened up to her and i've never done that with anyone else. She knew 98% of what i was writing, so i don't get why she had to sneak and read it and then refuse to admit she was reading it. She said that would defeat the purpose. What purpose? She didn't trust me? I'm trying to be over it, but i'm not because that friendship was ruined and i don't think we can ever go back to how we were. Sad! Anyhoo, she's the one person i know i tried to fix the problem while it was going on, but she wasn't ready. Usually, i just cut u off. No questions asked, we don't need to quarrel, just go. I did that with someone who was supposed to be my friend, but her actions last dec and January of this year, just let me know that she really didn't care about me. I let her know how i felt and i just stayed away. 
• Stubbornness: Every single person i know says I'm stubborn. Mr. Man told his brother that i'm stubborn. How? I still don't know. Although i know that if EVERYBODY is saying it, then it true. My younger brother was talking about trying his weight loss ideas on someone, and i asked what about me? He said , no, you r too stubborn. This was a few days ago. lol. I guess i have to watch myself more closely to see why everyone says that. I like to argue. My married friend just told me that i always like to get my point across. Mr. Man said that i do something wrong, i apologize but while apologizing i still try to get my point across. I guess that makes me stubborn. OK.
• Being too emotional: Jesus Christ!!! It's bad. The crazy this is i put up this hard front and when i break down these days, my friends are always like they've never seen that side of me. Trust me, it's always been there. I just hide it very well. I never used to open up to people, so i would always cry in the privacy of my bedroom. Then come out and be this hard ass to guys. One of my nicknames used to me Margaret Thatcher. I have someone who always says he would like to meet the man i would get married to. If only he knew. I'm never like that with guys i really like. Don't do it on purpose. Just my personality i guess. I have to admit though that i am too emotional and sensitive and a lot of things get to me, especially when it has to do with relationships and i really like the guy. I have to work on that big time. I can't be like this when i go back to school. I need to be able to push stuff aside and concentrate on school. 

Thankful

Thank you Lord for my life. I'm sorry that i have been caught up in the little stuff. As bad as things get, i am always aware that they could be worse and for that i am thankful.

Status: Trying not to sweat the small stuff anymore.

100 Random Questions

1. How old will you be in five years?
      Older than i would like to be.I don't even want to think about that.
2. Who did you spend at least two hours with today?
       Myself really, but does chatting with my sister and her cute restless daughter on skype count?
3. How tall are you?
       5'5
4. What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
      Figuring my life out
5. What’s the last movie you saw?
     The break up.I just bought it from Walmart on Sunday
6. Who was the last person you called?
    Afx :)
7. Who was the last person to call you?
      Friend in scotland
8. What was the last text message you received?
     My sister in FL
9. Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail?
    My sister in FL.... lol
10. Do you prefer to call or text?
      Call..... i hate texting just like i hate chatting, but i do it anyway.
11. What were you doing at 12am last night?
      Watching TV
12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?
      Separated? I no know again o
13. When is the last time you saw your mom?
       Jan 3rd,2010
14. What color are your eyes?
       Brown
15. What time did you wake up today?
       7.38am
16. What are you wearing right now?
      Black sweats and a black T-shirt
17. What is your favorite Christmas song?
      Hmmmm....... none
18. Where is your favorite place to be?
      Where the people i love are. I enjoy my own company from time to time. So my room reading a novel.
19. Where is your least favorite place to be?
      Class or anywhere where i have to listen to someone talk for more than 5 mins.
20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere?
      NIGERIA
21. Where do you think you’ll be in 10 years?
     Somewhere in the United States or Canada practicing medicine
22. Do you tan or burn?
      I'm black!!!
23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
.     Willi willi ....... lol
24. What was the last thing that really made you laugh?
      An episode on the bad girls club, where someone attacked another chic, pulled her by the hair and threw her across the floor. I'm sorry, it was just funny to see.
25. How many TVs do you have in your house?
      One
26. How big is your bed?
      Full size
27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?
      Laptop
28. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
      Clothes and i have to have a cover even if it's hot.
29. What color are your sheets?
      Black 400 thread count sheets. I aim for a 1000 thread count when i have the dough.
30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
      There's one pillow on my bed, but i don't sleep with it.
31. What is your favorite season?
       Spring
32. What do you like about fall?
       The changing colors and the reduced heat from summer
33. What do you like about winter?
       Nothing really
34. What do you like about the summer?
       Summers in Atlanta are kinda of uncomfortable
35. What do you like about spring?
       It's the prettiest time of the year and it's starting to warm up from winter.
36. How many states provinces have you lived in?
       Three
37. What cities/towns have you lived in?
       Four
38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
       Socks
39. Are you a social person?
      Not really, more like no.
40. What was the last thing you ate?
      Cereal
41. What is your favorite restaurant?
       I think Chilli's cos i like most of the things on their menu
42. What is your favorite ice cream?
       Haagen daz dulce de leche
43. What is your favorite dessert?
      Cheese cake
44. What is your favorite kind of soup?
      Hmmmm.... I don't eat soup regularly but from way back i remember Ogbono used to be my favorite.
45. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB and J sandwich?
      Strawberry
46. Do you like Chinese food?
      Love General Tso chicken. That's what i usually get. I haven't been very adventurous with chinese food.
47. Do you like coffee?
      I love the smell of coffee but don't drink it
48. How many glasses of water, a day, do you drink on average?
      About two 32oz bottles.
49. What do you drink in the morning?
       If i'm drinking anything it would be very vanilla silk soy milk or lipton black tea with honey.
50. What non-banking related card in your wallet is the most valuable to you?
      I don't carry my student ID in my wallet cos we have to wear it, so i guess nothing.
51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
   I had a twin bed at home and a full size bed now, there really isn't that much space to have a preferred side.
52. Do you know how to play poker?
     I only know how to play Whot or go fish
53. Do you like to cuddle?
      Most definitely
54. Have you ever been to Canada?
      Not yet.
55. Do you have an addictive personality?
      Is listening to something i like 100 x called having an addictive personality?
56. Do you eat out or at home more often?
     I hardly ever eat out
57. What do you miss about highschool, if anything?
       My friends in school, outside of school and the lack of responsibility besides being a teenager.
58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?
       A couple of people. Funny, i don't anyone on my FB friendslist with the same birthday as me.
59. Do you want kids?
      Most definitely
60. Do you speak any other languages?
      Pidgin English
61. Have you ever gotten stitches?
      Nope
62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
      Yes, twice but i was in front with the driver. Took a patient from the mental hospital to the ER.
63. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
     Never been in any body of water. Hmmmm..... i should change that soon.
64. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seat?
      Aisle seat. I would feel trapped in a window seat.
65. Do you know how to drive stick?
    I first started learning how to drive in Naija with a stick, but never really finished so i don't know how now.
66. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
      Novels
67. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7?
     I have to have earrings on. I don't think i've ever gone out without earrings but i take them off to sleep.
68. What is your favorite TV show?
      I still love Will and Grace. Monk is cool too.
69. Can you roll your tongue?
      Yep!
70. Who is the funniest person you know?
       My childhood BFF
71. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
    Not usually unless i am very stressed then i got Snoopy
72. What is the main ring tone on your phone?
       Some bullshit ringtone that i hate.
73. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
      Nope.
74. What red object is closest to you right now?
       Nothing
75. Do you turn off the water while you brush your teeth?
      Yes, usually.
76. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
     Closed and locked. One of my biggest fears is to wake up and find a stranger beside my bed.
77. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
       I think my chances of surviving a swarm of bee attack is higher than surviving a bear attack
78. Do you flirt a lot?
      Not a lot.
79. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
      Ketchup
80. What is your favorite food?
     I love meat, don't know if i have a favorite food.
81. Can you change the oil on a car?
     If u give me directions, i'm sure i could.
82. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?
    Surprisingly no, even though my nickname is speedy gonzales.
83. Have you ever run out of gas?
      No
84. What is your usual bedtime?
Don't have one. I stopped sleeping like a normal person when i started med sch. My body is out of wack now.
85. What was the last book you read?
      A historical romance novel: Love u forver.
86. Do you read the newspaper?
     No
87. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
      Cosmopolitan although i barely read it these days.
89. Do you watch soap operas?
      Hell to the no.
90. Do you dance in the car?
      Sometimes
91. What radio station did you last listen to?
       97.7 and 95.5 the beat. Haven't found a radio station i liked since i moved here.
92. Who is in the picture frame closest to you?
      Don;t have any picture frames in my apartment
93. What was the last note you scribbled on a piece of paper?
    Salaries of the different specialties in Medicine. Might as well start getting aware of those things.
94. What is your favorite candle scent?
      I LOVE candles, anything that smells nice is good with me. I have one, but don't know what it's called.
95. What is your favorite board game?
      Scrabble
96. How do you groom your nails?
     I bite them off. Seriously, they are the first thing to go when i'm stressed which is regularly.
97. When was the last time you attended church?
    Last Sunday.... yay!!!
98. Who was your favorite teacher in high school?
      Mschewww....... none.
99. What is the longest you have ever camped out in a tent?
  I've never. Would not mind going though.
100. Who was the last person to do something extra special for you?
     No one.

The grandfather i never had.

The first time i saw him sitting quietly in the day room, i was drawn to him. He had a head full of gray hair and was dressed sharply from head to toe. Though his clothes were old and worn, they told the story of a distinguished gentleman. I imagined what he was like as a young man, he must have been very dapper indeed.

He was very proper when he spoke, words articulated in clipped tones with the old southern accent. I enjoyed listening to him speak. He reminded me of a school teacher. I never asked him what he had done for a living although he did tell me about his days in Vietnam when he was a young man. A very young 18 year old man. He told me stories of how they would sneak out of base and go drinking. I was transported into a different time and place, back to the porch of my grandparents house, listening to my granddaddy tell me stories about his youth. He reminded me of the grandfather i never had.

I looked at him and wondered how he ended up in this place. He seemed fine to me. Everything was in place, nothing out of the ordinary.

Then i heard the giggles. His cute, childish giggles. He was so tickled by something. Share the joke, grandfather. What's so funny?

Nothing. Nothing was obviously funny to me, but somewhere in the recess of his mind was the greatest joke ever told. Sadly, only he could hear it and he didn't possess the ability to share it. Although, he couldn't stop telling me how funny it was.

I looked at him, so prim and proper; southern gentleman from head to toe and i finally understood why he ended up here.

Still, if i had a grandfather, i would want him to be just like HIM, the grandfather i never had.


This post was inspired by my favorite patient at the psychiatric hospital. When u work graveyard shift at a psych hospital, u dare not fall asleep lest you be slapped awake by a patient (or fired! There are cameras everywhere). So what do u do to stay awake when the green tea you swear by has failed to do its job? You write!

Reality show whore

Hi, my name is Sting and I'm a reality show whore..... sorry, addict. Flavor of love 1,2,3,4,5,6,7, Rock of love 1,2,3, I love New York 1,2, I love Money 1,2, Tool academy, The Hills, Laguna beach, True life, Girls next door......name it, i watched it.

However these days, i seem to have acquired some taste. I am no longer an indiscriminate watcher of reality shows. You can call me a connoisseur of reality shows. Whatever that means. Anyhoo, just because i am addicted to those things doesn't mean i should be fed any sort of rubbish and asked to swallow. What's up with Ray J having a dating show? Flavor flav might have fooled the nation into thinking he was looking for a woman, he's ugly enough to pull that off. Ray J?!!!!!!!!! I refuse! For the love of Ray J? I'm insulted. More black women making a fool of themselves on national TV over a black man then at the end of the day he'll go back to his white baby mama (God punish u, Flav!).

As if all the mindless crap of The Hills was not enough, now we have to put up with The City? Whitney was boring enough on The Hills, why in the world would i want to watch a show about her and more annoying shallow people. Forgive me if my analysis is wrong, i never bothered to watch an episode. Too many superficial privileged white people. I'll pass.

Then there's Rock of Love 4 or 5 (or whatever season) that is going on right now. How many women does that 50 something year old idiot want to f@#k before he finds the one that rocks his world. I can't believe that Daisy openly admitted having sex with him on the show, and that other one that was still married, Kristy Jo abi na wetin be her name. At least on Flavor of love, we all suspected it but no one openly said it, as much as they fooled themselves on the show. Now all of them are opening their dirty mouths to say, if i can kiss Flav, i can do anything (re: Becky on I love money). For reals?! Idiot oshi. I have absolutely refused to watch Rock of love after the first season. Fool me once, shame on u (Bitch), fool me twice...............

So with all the nonsense reality shows that have been assaulting my delicate senses, HOW IN THE HELL DID I MISS, RuPAUL'S DRAG RACE? A Next Top Modelesque show for drag queens. Are u freaking kidding me? Where in the devil's closet have I been? I could slap myself right now. They even have a Cameroonian drag queen on the show.

A show about fierce drag queens.........BLISS!

Naija Bloggers Award 2009

Monday, February 23rd naija bloggers award 09 commences. The theme of this year's award is Who you be? Yes oh! Citizens of blogsville, we wan know who una be. Come and represent yourselves.

Meet me there!!!

Where?

Here............. I will be waiting.

To moi

Thanks for all the birthday wishes guys. I had fun yesterday. It was the best birthday i have had in the last 6yrs i've been in the States. If i had any doubts about my friends, it was put to rest yesterday. People called me from 12.00am (on the dot) until 4.30am when i refused to answer my phone anymore. I needed to sleep Goddammit! Then the calls continued for the rest of the day. Let's not talk about facebook.

I went to work and then after work went out with Mr. Don't fall in love with me. I think i might have jumped the gun with regards to him in more ways than one, both in good and bad ways. I did try to have a conversation with him about his perceived arrogance and a lot of the crap he says and he told me that he doesn't mean a lot of the things he says to me. He just says things to get a rise out of me. I kind of felt bad cos i already put him on blast on here. Oh well. At the same time though, i'm still not exactly sure what he wants. He has proven to be very considerate and sweet, so i'll just let things happen naturally. If i end up being with him, cool. If not, i'll keep it moving. As much as i would like to be in a relationship, it's hard for me to get excited about it. What are the benefits anyway?

But, back to the birthday stuff. We went to a mexican restuarant and then when to a coffee shop to get cake. We ended up at Barnes and Nobles to look for a book he wanted then drove back to his place where i had parked my car and i got a very nice birthday kiss. THE End.

Well, that's the end of the story for u guys. It might or might not have been the end for me :-)

GTKM 1101 - Get to Know Me

Course Description

Introduction to the life and times of a mildy psycho Nigerian scorpio. Issues, dramadies and a whole lot of fun stuff. Special emphasis on all things (guys) cute.

4.000 Credit hours

As this is an honors class, you guys have been given the freedom to suggest (Keyword: suggest) the course content. Your suggestions will help me formulate a lesson plan (not that i need help, i'm just trying to be a good professor eh hen!). So eyin Blogsville, what would you like to learn about Ms. Wonderful herself. What do u mean who is Ms. Wonderful? Me of course, abeg stay with the program, no dulling allowed in this class.

Example of questions include:

Favorite hang out spots.............. on the internet! Ha! (No, i don't watch porn! Regularly......... I mean, at all)

So Ask and you (might) receive! I'm not God, so i can't say, ask and you shall receive.
Hit me!
Yours truly,
Dr. Mrs. Chief, Barrister, Honorable, Melu melu Sting IV Esq. (Professor in Charge).

P.S. This course is to be taken seriously. A grade below a B will result in immediate expulsion from college. I reserve the right to kick out any trouble makers in my classroom. Hooliganism, and tomfoolery will not be tolerated. Also, i have a zero tolerance for dullness. So please no dulling. Trolls are also not welcome.

The first person to get this question becomes the teachers pet. What does Melu melu mean?

Naija for Life!

Today was our independence day. Naija was 48yrs old today. They say a fool at 40 is a fool 4ver! I know for sure that Nigeria was a fool at 40................ would it be safe to say that Nigeria is going to be a fool forever? Things are not any better than they were 8yrs ago, IMHO. Be that as it may, i LOOOOOOVE Nigeria, all day, everyday. Naija for life!!!!! Beautiful Nigerian People!



Do you see Lenie repping Naija in his green hoodie? That dog don't play. His middle name is not Teju for nothing. He's a true Nigerian son of the soil.





So as u can see, i repped Naija today. I'm very proud to be Nigerian. I really don't care about the bad reputation we have these days for being shady. I know i'm not shady. Everyone i know and love works hard for their money. So i continue to be myself and be a good example of what a TRUE Nigerian is. Happy Independence day. I can't wait to go home to go eat some good yam and egg stew.Oh! The thoughts of suya........ Good naija girl, abeg put me for inside ur luggage naw, biko! What's pls in yoruba?

P.S. I don go buy this hoodie a couple of weeks ago, only for ATL not to cold. Monday and Tuesday was warm. I been don dey vex say i no go fit wear this sweater, cos i didn't buy the green shirt i was looking at. Lo and behold, it was chilly today. Ha!

I hope y'all have seen the count down clock to my birthday. Eh hen! I don't want to be hearing any kind story story on that day.

Blogville Idol 08

Vote here.

Voting started today. I was torn btw GNG, Abbie and Charizard. First of all Charizard got me thinking he would sing like a frog but i was pleasantly surprised. Since we are only allowed one vote, it was a tough decision. Don't bother asking cos i won't tell u who i voted for. But the three i mentioned were my favorites for this week. Geisha wasn't bad also.

Now to today's scheduled rant. People pls tell me how much u think ur mouth/teeth is worth. $10,000? Tell me. I don't think i should have to spend that amount oh, unless i'm deformed or something like that, but as my life would have it that's what i'm going to be spending on teeth they were okay in the first place.

My dentist instructed me a couple of yrs ago to go get braces cos i was missing one premolar and two molars and in order for him to do a bridge, my teeth would have to be shifted to their correct spot. The empty spaces in my mouth had cause my teeth to shift over the years. How did these teeth leave my mouth in the first place? Thank u for asking. Incompetent Nigerian dentists. Yes, i'll say it once and i'll say it again. Two of those teeth were pulled off because their drilling machine or whatever they call it was not working. The cavities were not bad at all. I kid u not! The last one was a milk tooth that i still had at 18. When i had a cavity on that tooth, the idiot dentist figured since it was a milk tooth, he might as well take it out instead of fixing it, even though it was clear from the X-ray that i congenitally did not have a permanent tooth that was going to grow out. That, my people is how i lost all those teeth.

So i got the braces, which cost me $6150. Unlike some of u lucky pple, i don't have anybody paying my bills for me. Now the braces are off, time to get the bridge that made me get the braces in the first place, and i was initially told it was cost about $1000 after my insurance paid for it. Only for me to get there today and i was told that since i lost those teeth years ago b4 i got that insurance, the insurance company will not pay cos it was a pre-existing condition. Thunder fire all of them! I had to cough up $3337.50. I wanted to die. How i managed to keep a straight face, i can't tell u. They don't do payment plans or anything like that. Thank God for credit cards, that's all i have to say.

God punish all those idiots dentists in Nigeria that caused me to go through all this nonsense. I'm not even talking about the pain i'm in right now. Just imagine, i had to pay someone over $3000 to cause me this much pain. I'm in serious pain right now for real. I need those hugs and kisses thrown abi na blown this way.

Just because i love you guys 2

I shared my newly discovered love for D'banj here, a few weeks ago.

My all time favorite show is Will and Grace and i was heartbroken when the show ended (I still am, thank God for reruns on life time). That's the only show i don't mind seeing each episode over and over again. It never gets old, it is funny as heck. I love Jack McFarland (Sean Hayes) as much as i would ever love any TV character. He is too freaking funny. Besides the fact that i think it is a crazy funny show, i love that show because it helped me get through what was a very difficult time in my life.

I had just come here from Nigeria and I felt uprooted and out of place. The initial plan was for us to come visit and then go back to Nigeria. I was already in a University back home, i had tons of friends and was in fact a regular ol' popular jingo. There was nothing about my life at that point that would make me want to leave it and come start over again in some foreign country. I never believed the hype about America and i was right. My mother was lucky that i wasn't aware that i would have to work and go to school at the same time. They would have had to drag me (sedated) on that plane. Which kind suffer be that?! Unfortunately, at that time the universities were always going on strike. I spent 2 yrs trying to complete freshman year because we would go to school for 3 months and then go on strike for 6 months. Right as i was about to start my second yr, we got the visa to come here and my mother decided at the very last minute that we would all stay here and go to school. I wasn't happy at all but i didn't have a choice. My father had told me to pick btw staying in Nigeria and getting into med school there or coming over here. Unlike America, u don't have to get a Bachelors b4 getting in med school. I was already set to transfer to med school, so of course i picked i wanted to stay back. My mother wasn't having any of that. Nonsense, i would have become a Doctor this year. Anyway, I didn't even get to say bye to a lot of my friends. For the first 2 yrs i was here, i hated every minute of it and that is not an exaggeration. From the freaking cold weather, to the food/fruit that never tasted right, to the incredibly nosy people, i hated it all. I wanted to go back to where my friends were.

For the first time in my life, i suddenly had an accent. WTF?!!! I say something and pple would go huh??!!! Like they can't open their mouth and say excuse me or something. I hated everything about this place. Everything was different. Sometimes i would get so irritated just hearing the american accent all around me. To make matters worse, i had to adjust to living with my stepmother. That wasn't fun. I went from never having lived with anyone besides my mother straight to a passive-aggressive petty stepmother. My mother was(is) so overprotective she never ever let us go spend a holiday or anything like that with relatives, so adjusting to living with my new family, half sisters included was a little bit of a challenge.

The ONLY thing that got me through those first two years was Will and Grace. I kid you not! Usually i went to school at 8am, and would stay in school as long as possible on the days i wasn't working cos i didn't want to go home cos i felt so uncomfortable in that house. All i looked forward to was the reruns of Will and Grace at 11pm everyday, and the new episodes they showed at 9pm on Tuesdays (it's been a while, but i can still remember). My dad was nice enough to get me a TV for my room and watching Will and Grace was the only time you would ever catch me laughing for those first two yrs. I slept at lot too. I found out later when i took a psychology of adjustment class that sleeping is a coping mechanism a lot of people use when they are depressed. I still do that till today, but never as much as back then. It was almost like if i was asleep then i wouldn't have to be a part of my messed up situation, so i slept my days away. I would sleep in class, in the library, on the days i didn't have to go school i would sleep until 3pm. It was almost like i didn't want to take part in being alive.

I don't know when or how it happened but i woke up one day and i discovered i no longer hated being here. I guess i had unconsciously adapted and accepted my fate. Yes, fate!!! Now when i tell my friends that i can't imagine living in Nigeria anymore, they can't believe it's the same person who declared to everyone and anyone who would listen that she hated being in America. One of my friends teased me about it 2 days ago. What can i say, i adjusted.

Bottom line is Will and Grace helped me maintain my sanity and guaranteed that no matter how bad my day was i would definitely laugh for 30 mins everyday starting from 11-11.30pm.

Hope you enjoy this clip as much as i did.

P.S Here's my favorite newly discovered blogger cheekybum.

See how nice I am...... I share all my favorite things with u guys. Now thank me. Hold it!!!!! Not just verbal thanks, i accept cash and kind. You can come scratch my back or since it's getting so hot in the A, someone can fan me. Yes, i know we have AC's and electric fans here but i prefer the good old fashioned hand fanning. The one our mothers and older siblings used to make us do whenever NEPA would strike back in the day. Eh hen, oya line up and start fanning me.

BTW, someone pls ask me what i'm doing awake by 4am with a massive headache BLOGGING!!! It's called caffeinated energy drink, i tell ya!

Tagged- 6 unspectacular quirks

I have been tagged by Bumight. The tagging bug seems to have infected a LOT of people in blogville. I thot i escaped it.


i. link the person(s) who tagged you...
ii. mention the rules in your blog
iii. tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours...
iv. tag 6 following bloggers by linking them
v. leave comment on each of the tagged blogger's blogs letting them know they've been tagged...

6 unspectacular quirks? What??!! Everything about me is spectacular....... Whatchu' talking about? Well, i'll try to see if i can dig something unspectacular up, it's going to be hard but i'll try cos i love u guys.

1. I hate crowds. Large space, small space, as long as there's too many pple in a place, i'm uncomfortable. I have been known to not get on a crowded train regardless of how long i have to wait for the next train. I am nothingphobic. I just don't like crowds.
2. Having my body itch is the most disgusting thing to me. I feel dirty whenever my body itches. I guess it's because when i was little, whenever i would scratch my body my mom would tell me to go take a shower.
3. I have 2 personalities and i don't do it on purpose. At home, i am as goofy as can be. Once i step out the house, it's a different story. EVERYONE meeting me for the first time assumes i'm quiet. I actually look quiet. Until i get comfortable around them, then they start to wonder if i was the same person they originally met.
   
4. I would rather read a book than watch TV. I absolutely refused to see any of the Harry Potter movies. I didn't want it messing with my imagination. I've probably read over a thousand books (not an exaggeration). My favorite fantasy when i was a teenager was to be locked in a room full of books, with just food, water and a toilet for a week.
5. I used to love to talk on the phone. I have spent 6hrs on the phone at a stretch on numerous occasion. In fact i spent the last 3yrs of my life constantly on the phone. Now, i can't stand talking on the phone. I don't even want to hear my phone ring. My phone has been on vibrate since february.
6. I am allergic to Eba (garri). I get boils, start sneezing, and have serious mucus coming out my eyes whenever i eat it. I can only remember eating it twice, once when i was 9 and i told my mom she didn't know what she was talking about and the other time in boarding school when i was seriously hungry. It wasn't a good look. My paternal grandmother reacts the same way so i guess it's genetic.

I tag notperfectdotcom, goodnaijagirl, soupasexy, nigerican, dejanae, and skinnychic

On blogging

This is my fourth and final attempt at blogging. I deleted my first blog after 30 posts in March'07 cos i was depressed and didn't want the added chore of blogging. My second blog which i loved lasted from April to Dec and i had 81 posts b4 i basically had to run away from the blog cos my anonymity was severely compromised. Then my third blog i deleted after 8 posts cos i hated the way the blog was, all dark and gloomy and also cos i was freaking out that someone i knew had found my blog again.

Is it reasonable for me to expect that when my close friends discover my blog they tell me? Even though my blog is supposed to be anonymous anyone who knows me would know as soon as they read my blog that it's me. I don't try to disguise anything that i write about and in a huge way i think that has worked against me. I don't have a lot of friends, in fact i have no friends in the state i live. Last year, i suspected my closest friend had discovered my blog, i asked her and she denied it. However, using sitemeter and what not, i found out that someone who lives in the same area as she does was always coming to my blog. I felt it could be anybody and honestly didn't worry about it. I asked her if she would ever tell me if she discovered my blog and she said no. How could i tell her that i feel she ought to tell me, given the fact that she knows 98% of what is going on in my life and since it's my blog i might want to blog about her. Anyway, she said she wasn't going to tell me and i didn't force the issue.

When i knew for sure that she was coming to my blog, was when something happened btw me and her and some dude and i noticed from the "feedit" feature that someone from her area was constantly coming to my blog. I just knew it was her. She was expecting me to write about it and for that reason i didn't. Prior to that i had noticed that she didn't call me like she used to and when i would call her she would not pick up the phone or return my calls. It got to a point that i had to ask someone else to call her to make sure she wasn't just ignoring my calls and she was fine. Her excuse was that she was busy. We have been friends since 2003 and it was obvious that there was more to it than that.

When a mutual friend of ours called me and asked about her, i told him i hadn't heard from her in 2 weeks which is highly unusual cos we used to talk at least 5 days a week. I told him she said she was busy and i have to reason not to believe her, although i personally thot there was more to it than that. A week later, he sends me a text that he spoke to her and she said she was mad at me, that there was important information that i should have told her that i didn't. I was baffled cos there was nothing that had happened to me that i hadn't told her besides the medical school interview that i got. I didn't tell her about it, but i wrote it on my blog. Hmmmm..................


She went on to say that she was very open with me about her life but i don't tell her stuff about my life. What the fuck? I told this chic every single thing that happened to me, which is very unlike me btw. Did she want me to tell her every single thot i had in my head or if i had a boil on my arse? Funny enough, i probably would have told her if i had a boil on my arse. Anyway, my friend tried to get her to say what exactly i should have told her that i didn't but she refused to talk. I sent her a series of text messages inviting her to talk to me about it and she basically blew me off. I ended up telling her that i hope she had learned her lesson about being sneaky cos the truth is, she couldn't open up and tell me what was bothering her cos she had lied to me previously that she wasn't reading my blog, so there was no way she could explain how she found out all the things she claimed i didn't tell her. She couldn't have heard anything from other people, cos we don't have a lot of mutual friends.

I don't understand human beings. Me and her were supposed to be close, she was my closest friend in the States, i told her things i didn't even tell my sister, yet she reads my blog behind my back and has the audacity to get mad cos there were some things she saw in my blog that i didn't tell her. She totally turned me off blogging cos it was almost as if she had stolen my diary and read it. There are a lot of things i would write about on my blog that i wouldn't think of telling people that know me. Initially, i was upset that she obviously did not care about saving our friendship as much as i did, but now i'm okay with it. I guess she has served whatever purpose she was meant to serve in my life and it's time for her to move on. Some friendships are not meant to be forever and i think sometimes God places people in our lives to help us get thru stuff. She was there for me thru a lot of trying times. I made sure i told her how much i appreciated her being there for me but now i think it's time to move on. I'm not going to beg a grown woman to be friends with me or to act her age and work things out. It's sad that the friendship had to end, but i've made my peace with it.

I love blogging. It is a source of comfort/therapy for me. I'm not going to stop cos a bunch of people have got their britches in a bunch. I'm accountable to no one but myself. I don't think i'm obligated to tell anybody every single thing that happens to me.

To you: I never said you were my best friend and even if you were i reserve the right to keep some things to myself until if or when i feel comfortable to share.

Even though this blog is anonymous, it's very possible that people that know me might discover it and know it's me. That totally fine with me. Read at your own risk cos i will write about everything and anything i feel like. You have no right to start tripping over anything you read on this blog. My sister made me delete my beloved blog (81 freaking posts), a year of my life all gone, just becos i wrote about her. I didn't mention her name, but still i had to face the firing squad of my mother and my other sisters. How dare i write about my family online. Seriously???!!! Am i the only one that knows the meaning of anonymous?

Alright, i have said my piece. Read at your own risk!