Sunday, August 5, 2018

All time low

I can't believe I blogged a total of 5 times in 2017 and my first post of 2018 is in August.

I' m trying to come up with my practice philosophy for my new job (they need it for marketing) and I ended up here...because procrastination.

So what has happened since my last post?

  1. I was too burnt out to care about jobs so I interviewed at with one health care system, two locations and was done with that. I picked the location with a more clinic feel and no Saturday obligation. Not the advice I would give to anyone, but that's what I did. Whether i will regret not interviewing properly remains to be seen. I was just like what the heck, I interviewed at 19 programs for residency, ranked the program i ended up in number one because my spirit was like this is the best program for me blah blah!!! Lies! Big mistake!! Everyone puts their best foot forward during interviews. Unlike med school where the interview is mostly you trying to convince them to pick you, residency interviews are almost the opposite. They are trying to convince you to rank them for the most part also. Job interviews are even worse, they want you so they are definitely all out to try to get you. I figured it was a crapshoot and i'll get what I get. I can't pick my coworkers or patients. There are a million other things that go into picking a job, but like i said burn out is a bastard. I still think i did pretty decent with picking a job. It's interesting how pay was not part of my top three criteria for picking a job... I could have gotten way m0re money at other jobs or even same health system but different location, but certain things become more important in life. Like trying to get away from racism... 
  2. I took boards, passed and became board certified
  3. I finished residency
  4. Survived a malignant residency program.
  5. My weak ass program director who shall forever go down in history as fucktard puppet tried me on my very last day. He got exactly what he asked for. Punk! Those people will break you if you let them. Freaking con artists. You go for an interview and they put on a good show, bamboozle you into thinking they are a great program and then start to show themselves as soon as you get comfortable. I had to go above the program director and I told the director of graduate medical education that they shouldn't take black residents if they are not going to learn how to be culturally sensitive/competent. Those were my exact words. On May 1st 2018, they had their first cultural sensitivity training! I did that!! They won't forget me in a hurry in that program. I was not a trouble maker but I refused to roll over and God blessed me that the director of GMEC was my mentor in med school, otherwise those undercover racists were working overtime to frustrate me and make me quit or kick me out. 
  6. June 29th 2018 could not come fast enough. I'm so glad to be done with those people. My co-residents in my class were Aces (minus one), that's that only reason I survived plus my "clanging balls of steel". LOL. One of my co residents told me I had clanging balls of steel. He kept saying I was his favorite residents, mostly because I said what everyone was thinking but too scared to say. We both got into "trouble" on June 29th, our very last day. He was my favorite resident also but I had to light some fire under his ass to start to speak up about stuff even though given his white male privilege which he initially tried to deny, he hardly ever got in trouble. Just because something doesn't directly affect you, doesn't mean you should turn a blind eye when other people are being mistreated. 
  7. I bought a house. 
  8. I got my dog back. A coresident had to keep him because my apartment did not allow dogs and my fiance bought him for me as a christmas gift, so I didn't want to give him away and the fiance couldn't keep him also. 
  9. I have been enjoying my time off work. Slept for 1 week straight right after residency ended. I was so exhausted. I got sick of staying in bed all day on week 2, but really the whole month of July was spend doing nothing. I did end up making it to Atlanta the last week of July. Visited the in laws in Tennessee and Indiana. Will be going to California and Vegas to visit more in laws in a couple of weeks. 
  10. I will be signing a piece of paper and not changing my last name sometime soon. 
What have you been up to? 

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Blessed

God has blessed me. Thank you God! 

Those were the words that came into my mind a few seconds ago and this was brought on my the thought of my niece, Izzy. I feel so lucky to have my nieces in my life. They are so loving. They talk to me pretty regularly, at least once or twice a week. It used to be almost daily until I got so busy and their bed time is early and they are one hour ahead, so by the time I get a chance to call, they are already asleep. Anyway, no matter how often i call them, they are always so excited to hear from me. The older one has the way she says my name where and drags it out in excitement. The pure genuine excitment warms my heart. I just feel so blessed.

He liked it and he put a ring on it.... literally. The ring was on my finger before I realized what was going on because I thought we were just having a regular conversation, which I wasn't paying much attention to because I was tired. We were just joking around and the next thing I know, ring on finger.... I was like dude, you are going to have to say all of that over because I wasn't really paying attention and can't remember anything you said, except changing my diaper when we are old....

Other people (my sisters) were way more excited about my engagement than I was because ehhhh.... I've never been into all of that....dreaming and wanting to get married. My brain is not just wired that way. So as much as we had talked about it and I had put it off, I thought I didn't have to worry about it until at least December because dude lied and told me my ring would not be ready until then as it was being custom made. He got me good!

Anyway, I went into panic mode for a couple of days after ring got on finger because marriage scares me. The good thing is my mister is the only guy I have ever considered marrying and throughout this year, he has come correct. We are so similar in personality, sense of humor, outlook on life, religion, family,  pretty much everything and it is very surprising because he is not Nigerian and I never thought I could vibe like that with a non Nigerian (who cannot speak or understand pidgin).

Guess who told me "your wahala is too much" the other day? In the right accent and context. I have told him he will be speaking pidgin by the time I'm through with him. We are currently working on the right way to use "abi". He got "o" down.

When I first met him one of the things that I was impressed by was how he thought I was the best thing since sliced bread because I'm African. I didn't necessarily expect that from an African-American.  He just loves it and loves all things Nigerian. He wants to eat Nigerian food all the time and our kids will only have Nigerian names according to him. He doesn't mind if I don't change my last name and he really wants to learn pidgin. 

It's exactly a month today since we got engaged and I'm just now starting to get excited.Left to my own devices I don't think I would have ever been ready or yearning to get married. However, God chose to bless me with the right person at the right time.

God has blessed me, thank you God!

Forgive the typos...Man's hot and needs to sleep.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Balance

I just got home at 930pm after getting to work at 6am and the first thing I did was take off my shoes, put my hair up and pull out my computer ....to continue working. 

I wasn't supposed to fall behind ...again..but there is only 24 hrs a day. My clinic patients don't care (and shouldn't) what rotation I'm on. When they need their refills, referral, questions or complaints address, it needs to get done.
Otherwise bad Doctor.

If you have Netflix and haven't seen The Keepers, please watch it. Tell me what you think. True life story. 😱😱😱😱

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Confused busy

Has anyone ever been so busy they became overwhelmed, confused and didn't know what next to do?! It's just past 2pm, I've been at work for 8 hrs and I'm just now pausing.

My attending was like u need to work on efficiency. How about u work on not confusing me about when we start rounds and you can tell patients not to be crashing while I'm prerounding. 😒

Monday, May 29, 2017

I miss blogging

Daz all!

I'm a learner. I just downloaded the blogger app on my phone. Didn't even think of it before today's 💡moment. Sha Sha, now that I haz it, we shall be blogging more. There's always a story to tell.

I must be tired because for the first time ever, I genuinely miss blogging. 😞

Friday, May 5, 2017

People

I never thought I would become one of those bloggers who went MIA. A lot of things have played into it, including not wanting to blog using the hospital or clinic computers, being super busy and have little desire to come home and do anything that was not work related. Even the work related stuff I sometimes had no energy or desire to do. I was behind on my work for months and only just caught up.

I have had serious issues with my residency program with regards to faculty and staff. There were a lot of things that happened that made it clear I wasn't treated the same as the other residents. There was a time last year where everyday there was something. I was so baffled as to what was going on and why. Little things were blown out of proportion and attributed to me. People perceived things how they wanted and it was accepted by the program director as the truth without ever hearing from me.

I remember one Saturday or Sunday after I was done with my 12 hr shift, I drove to my "adopted" auntie's house and just cried. That was the day that my eyes started opening to what was really going on. She is a Nigerian college professor and recognized what I was telling her. She said things that had I experienced without me even telling her. Even though I didn't feel better, talking to her helped me stop feeling like I was going crazy, because I had been scratching my head trying to understand what was going on and nothing was making sense. To give you an idea of what I am talking about, one of my co-residents had made a comment around that time that she felt like I was being hazed.

Well, things got worse. I am not someone who lets people walk over me so they had a challenge because I brought everything they did to my program director's attention. He was part of the problem too, so I went higher. There recently was a meeting where long story short, they admitted they haven't always handled things correctly with me, let's start afresh, clean slate. Uh hum.

As I sit here typing this I have been denied time off to go to a job interview. I can't get anytime of until July 10th as if this job will be reserved for me. This was something that was initially approved because "you guys are usually allowed time off for job interviews". Then her "boss" who was one of the people who started the campaign against me last year, sent me an email yesterday stating otherwise. When I spoke to the initial person that had approved it, it was very clear that she was flustered and did not know what to say to me. I understood what was happening so I told her it was fine. I can go to my doctor's appointment which is not about anything life threatening but I can't go for a job interview?  Talk about day light witchcraft.

Because I had never encountered anything like this before, I didn't always handle things well. I would get emotional and feel bad and waste time crying and talking to people who had no intention of helping me. Now I know what not to waste my energy on. I was upset about it yesterday and feel a bit down today. I could go to the top and get them to intervene but I'm picking my battles, although this one is not over.

The one thing that has always been in my favor is that my patients love me, both patients I meet in the hospital and my clinic patient. Not a single faculty can has anything bad to say about my patient care. That's one thing they can't control. So when I get frustrated, I focus on that.

I have said it openly to the chief resident and anyone who would listen, I would never encourage a black female of whatever origin to come to this program. I wish I had paid more attention to race and racial issues while I was applying to residency, I never would have ranked this program number 10, talkless of number one. While I am not happy that this has been my experience, I have very recently chosen to learn from this. To stop being horrified that people can hate your guts but still relate with you like they love you. The average naija person won't talk to you if they don't like you, If they have to work with you they will be civil and professional, but to go as far as acting like you are friends, is something I have never encountered before and it scares me. I can't tell based on how people treat me if they really like me or can't stand me and it's a very uncomfortable feeling.



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