Saturday, November 22, 2014

Sojorner Sting

I can't believe today is the 22nd already. This month has been a whirlwind of activity. I have been to many places, driven 100s of miles, slept in multiple hotel rooms, met a lot of people, been to more restuarants than i have been all year. I swear i've gained 10lbs already and I'm only half way done. One thing i started doing was to bring my own sheet and pillow case along, that way i know I can sleep comfortably and it has made a huge difference.

One of my goals for early next year is to start yoga/ learn how to meditate and definitely start working out again. The good thing about going out of my comfort zone and attending drawing class is that i now feel comfortable signing up for things. There's really no point to this post. Just wanted to say hi!

Toodles.

Friday, November 14, 2014

Dating outside your race vs social circle

Whenever people ask why i don't date Caucasians, my simple answer has been that I have never been asked out by a white person (I have been asked out/hounded by a Persian guy years ago but his garlic breath was an otherworldly experience and he didn't stand a chance in both heaven and hell).

Anyway, I guess i need another excuse because today I was asked out on a date by a white guy......my cab driver! Reason numero uno why i like America. I can just imagine a cab driver asking a doctor out in Nigeria while driving her around. LOL....he wouldn't even do it. The program I interviewed at today got me a cab to take me to and from dinner yesterday and  pick me up and drop me off at the different hospital sites today. I drove down to the city, but did not want to drive myself around if i didn't need to, plus they were paying so why not. When he picked me up this morning, he was like, you look really nice and I said thank you. I sat in front with him and we actually got talking. He asked me what i like to do for fun, if i think i want to live in the area. He is nice guy, has a daughter, baby mama is in rehab for drugs and alcohol, so he is a single parent. He is in his mid 20s, he drives a cab full time and his goal is to own his own taxi company. So he is ambitious as in, he wants to do something with the cab driving business. When he came to drive me to the second site, he asked me what I was doing after the interviews were over and if i would like to go to the movies later. I shut that down real fast but very nicely.

 My people say if you wan eat frog, make you eat the one wey get egg. If i take him home my mother will use her shoe and chase us out of her house. Plus just no! No! Just No! I guess i could start defending myself and saying there's nothing wrong with dating a cab driver but one thing two thing, blah blah, but i would just be lying to myself. Notice i asked him what's next after cab driving and he said he wants to own a cab company which is awesome, but e still get as e be in ways I would rather not get into right now.

Some people are either just plain uncouth or have long since run out of fucks they don't remember the last time they had one to give. So i went into the bathroom at the hospital to arrange myself before interviews. This nurse or health worker (don't know, she had scrubs on) came into the bathroom, I was talking on the phone and walked into the stall next to her. I just wanted to pee and get out. Other normal human beings would wait a few minutes before letting it rip as there was someone else around. Do you think this woman did that? No! It didn't sound like she had diarrhea plus she leisurely strolled into the rest room, so she could have waited 2 mins. She just started pooping, sounds and all and the stench had me running out the door. Forget soap to wash my hands, I just used water and ran out. I was like, Jesus you need to come down soon because your people need lots of help. Ahn ahn.....who does that?

Thursday, November 13, 2014

982

Since I'm sitting here, wasting time, I might as well blog. I'm trying to make peace with silence. Over the past few months, I have become afraid of silence. The act of being alone with my thoughts. So if i couldn't have someone over (which is most of the time), then I always had a show playing on my ipad. As soon as i wake up in the morning, the next thing i do after turning off my alarm is to go on Pandora. I start listening to music until I get into my car, then i switch off Pandora and listen to naija music until i get to the hospital. I didn't put conscious thought into what i was doing and why but that was a pattern that just developed.

I can draw while listening to music, but i can't read or write anything (including blog), my brain just refuses to work that way. I've also noticed that I have been avoiding sitting down to read anything whether for leisure or school. The last time I actually studied like a proper medical student was September 2013 when I took step 2. After that, I haven't sat down for more than an hour or even 30mins to read. This is very sad because I have had time this year both to build up my medical knowledge and read for pleasure but I just can't seem to do it. The craziest thing is i used to love to read. I was a classic book worm even after starting med school.

First and 2nd year after every exam (which was monthly), I would go to the used book store and get novels to read, because it gave me so much pleasure and it was how i relaxed. You would think after been forced to read so much for exams I wouldn't want to read another word, but I just loved novels because they have the ability to transport you to a different time and place. But as i progressed through med school, reading became associated with stress and now the thought of reading anything is anxiety provoking. Studying for step 2 CK was HELL and I had to work with a cognitive behavioral therapist to deal with the anxiety while studying for that exam. So i guess it's not surprising that I haven't wanted to touch a book since then. I didn't prepare for Step 2 CS. I just couldn't do it. I was absolutely convinced that I failed it and I was prepared to take the blame, but i actually did well on all the sections and was ecstatic when my sister told me i passed (I refused to check the result myself. Fear no let me).

I still buy novels and I still want to study for school so I have been a little stressed about not being able to read. It finally occurred to me why I have been running away from silence yesterday and I have decided to confront it. It all boils down to being afraid of anxiety. The music and the shows don't necessarily keep it at bay but with them, I'm not so focused on my thoughts. So i have decided to practice some "exposure" therapy and just confront the silence daily until it is no longer an issue.

This is my 982nd blog post. I've had such an ambivalent relationship with my blog this year. I struggled with not wanting to renew my domain name this year because I honestly thought I would never blog again. I renewed it last minute and i figured i have a year to decide what i want to do with the blog. I'm glad i forced myself to start blogging again because I don't think the desire would have come back naturally. I think there is something to be said for being able to blog (somewhat consistently) since 2007. I regret deleting my first 3 blogs. My first blog had 81 posts when i deleted it in 2007. It would have been nice to go back and read when was going on in my head back then but i was so concerned about remaining anonymous that whenever i found out someone i knew found my blog, i would delete it. So this blog was actually started in 2008.

 Now i don't care so much about being anonymous. I try to avoid mentioning my real name, where i go to med school or any other obvious identifiers. Lots of people have seen what i look like on instagram (quite the monster if i say so myself. Someone told me i look way better than I sound. Apparently when i write about myself i make myself sound fat and nerdy looking. Interesting. lol). I know there a quite a few people who know me in real life who read my blog. I've actually given my blog address to multiple people. I had a friend tell me he wouldn't read my blog if he didn't know me because it's not a news or gossip blog. Oga thank you. lol. Someone even said it was a narcissistic blog because it's all about me (shey u see naija people). I guess he thinks all blogs should be amebo blogs. Anyway, I'm still here, albeit struggling to be, but i'm here. My goal would be to make it to 1000 posts by the end of the year.

Let's see how that goes.

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Antenna's up!

I think one of my neighbors is a serial killer!

 I've been noticing him from my side eye for months now. He's just weird! I don't have any proof except my gut instinct and the formal training I have received from all the crime shows I've watched on Netflix and Amazon Prime. Classic serial killer look, demeanor, and behavior. I just know the dude is shady. His way is obviously not clear. When he makes it on the news, I'll come back and tell you guys.

Today was the first day I actually felt like i am on vacation. I have Nov/Dec off for interviews but I feel like I have been working harder than when I am on an actual rotation. Interviewing is not fun! I've been driving up and down like a truck driver. It's so tiring/boring especially for a restless person like me. I've tried to avoid flying as much as possible, but I will have to do that starting next week. I hate flying, undressing at the airport and airports in general, but I've had to travel often enough that I have getting through security without a hitch down pact. The traveling resumes tomorrow, another hotel room......

Jesus be another life! I'm looking forward to spending time with family soon, although half the time would be spent roaming that part of the country like a freaking gypsy. I can't wait for this to be over although what comes after is not necessarily something to be excited about. Okay, enough of the whining. It's not that bad. Things are actually starting to look up.

P.S. Toinlicious....What kind of ojoro instagram account do you have? Abeg, I use Jesus to beg you, arrange yourself and put pictures up. Please and thank you.

Friday, November 7, 2014

Birthday gifts

Chocolate cake
 I made a wish list for my birthday cos my first bloggie friend (since 2008) recommended i make one and send it to him so he would know what to get. So i figured I might as well send it to other people too. It was mostly art supplies on the list and apparently I have some pretty awesome people in my life. They worked on that list! One of my sisters went to town on the list, I was like, "na only u waka come. lol"

Art books, grid ruler, blenders/burnishers, erasers, sharpeners, tortillons, sandpaper sketch pads, grid ruler, brush, artist tape, color pencils sets, graphite pencils, art stix, drawing/sketch set, verithin pencils

Pastel pencil sets, oil pastels, precision eraser, burnisher/blender and more color pencils.
The prettiest Ipad cover

My standing easel!!! I wanted one since the first day of art class.
Another easel. This one is portable, folds in a box and you can take it on the go. I love it!



I got a couple of daylight bulbs too! These things cost a pretty penny. 


Thank you family/friends! You are awesome........

I'm on Instagram......again. 
Naijascorpio

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn.....

I'm lying down in one hotel room like this....my third one within the last month, and I feel like crawling out of my skin or floating in the air. No, I haven't suddenly turned into an aristo chic, although I don't know if that is such a bad thing these days........na joke I dey o! Before u say, sting said you should turn runs girl.

Anyway, I'm back on the interview trail and I think I went a bit crazy with the number of interviews I scheduled. But that's another matter. Back to the matter at hand, I hate hotel rooms. Most are okay, this one is not that bad but their bathroom is in need of air freshner, they obviously didn't clean the shower after the previous guest left, there's no bathtub by the way, I'm dreading taking a shower tomorrow cos the floor is dirty and I didn't bring flip flops (I didn't anticipate a dirty shower), their ironing board is broken and I just think these sheets are not clean (ok, it's actually quite bad. The bathroom is the nastiest I've ever seen in a hotel. But it's free, paid for by the program so.....)

I am always worried about bed bugs in hotels. Oh....I never told you guys about my encounter with beg bugs two years ago. I shudder just thinking about that horrible experience. Come to find out it was from my neighbor. Since then, the fear of bed bugs have been instilled in my heart and I've read how a lot of hotel rooms are infested. I'm not going to say I won't sleep on the bed, but I have ended up not even pulling back the covers in some hotels, depending on my general impression of the place. I always take my wrapper and a hoodie, those two things always help me feel a bit more comfortable.


My birthday was good. Better than it has been in years. I didn't go to work as planned, got a lot of gifts off my wish list, but I spent the day not feeling too well. Then one of Satan's apprentice's aka my friend pissed me the hell off and tried to get killed but by the grace of God I held my tongue and swallowed my words. I literally had to use both hands and pull the words back into my mouth. Talk about massive, unprecedented, award winning, I'm so proud of myself, self control.  Uhm! You see why it's not good to mellow down?! People who didn't know you before have no clue they are walking into the lion's den and might just get killed. It amuses/amazes me when people try me these days. It's like they are just begging to be ripped apart, just begging. Chai!

 Oh Lord Jesus! Help your daughter. I let her have it the next day though cos I woke up still majorly pissed. I just couldn't live with myself if I allow someone treat me and speak to me that way. Like, just kill me now. I refuse to tolerate that kind of nonsense especially when I wouldn't dream of treating anyone that way. I don't know who she thought she was dealing with. I am not the one Satan, I am not the one. She's not the only one that has tried it recently. These people need to kneel down and thank God that a) I am getting older/more matured  and b) I don't have the energy or interest in going off on people these days, unless it is extremely needed. I read the response to a text I received from this condescending idiot yesterday and just decided that silence really is the best answer given to a fool.

I am tired of people. Period. The End. I'm not even going to bother myself anymore.

This room has a weird odor. This is the first hotel I've been in that actually smells funky. I miss my apartment. Not looking forward to the next 6 weeks. It would have been a lot of fun if I had someone to do this with, visiting new places and stuff but now it's just meh.....
Hey guys, welcome to my blog. Sit back, relax, grab a cup of coffee and enjoy!

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