Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Black people are dirty and other stories

I got done at 4:30pm today............. and i didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know whether to run, jump, scream or dance awilo. So i drove to the dry cleaners and dropped off my white coat, then came home and did laundry.

It's 8:18pm right now and it's still earlier than I typically get home. I've been working 14+ hours 6 days a week and i'm exhausted. I got to work an hour late yesterday because i overslept and woke up at 625am and i'm supposed to be at work at 6am. The night resident and the senior both called me but my phone is always on silent when i go to sleep. I was late again today but 10 minutes this time. The tiredness is cumulative and i'm just exhausted at this point.

I spent my one day off last week running errands then i ended up at Ross. I bought so much stuff, I was actually horrified when i was being rung up and kept apologizing to the cashier. It was retail therapy plain and simple. I find that any free time i have, i go shopping. When i have a bad day at work, I end up in the store. I have more art supplies than i need at this point and I am spending way more money than i should but hey!

I joined match.com .....for 6 months. I was over it by week 2 but i can't get a refund even if i cancel.

The last couple of months have been a struggle. There's something in the water. Everyone has been acting crazy at my program. I'm not loving residency. I would love to be driving distance from my family. I no longer want to be in this state or this city where the lack of diversity and the amount of cultural insensitivity and ignorance is overwhelming.

Did you know black people are dirty?
Did you know that black people stain light colored sheets because their skin sheds and  the color stains the sheets?

Did you know this?
Black person reading this, is this news to you as it was news to me?

 How can you say they don't?
Are you sure?
Have you ever slept on light colored sheets before?


Sweet jesus hold me back, keep a straight face!

 This was from a nurse who was trying to be nice by educating her friend who said black people are dirty, by telling said friend that we are not dirty, it's just the color of our skin that's coming off, when "we shed".

But hey what do i know, I might never have slept on light colored sheets before.

Let's not talk about the audacity of this white lady who told me black hair is crazy and she can't imagine walking around looking like that..... all the while miming an afro with her hands. That's not all she said but i don't want to upset myself this evening.

That's some of the shit I've had to deal with.

Sunday, March 20, 2016


I have always found writing to be therapeutic. Before i started blogging in 2007, i faithfully wrote in my journal. Blogging replaced writing in my journal for a long while when i was completely anonymous but as i lost my anonymity, i stopped blogging freely about certain topics. I went back to journaling but it's never been the same. Now i neither want to blog or journal, which means i no longer have an outlet.

I was very angry today. Like, boiling mad. A couple of my co-residents are getting on my nerves. I can't even start to write what this one resident did tonight and she's so freaking clueless.  

I need a long vacation from these people. 

I'm annoyed about a lot of things.

House of Cards season 4 finally came out and lo and behold i could barely remember details from prior seasons. So i started over. Frank Underwood is beyond devious. He is evil. God protect us from people like that in our lives.

Downton Abbey season finale was GREAT! I was very sad to see it end. I've been watching Mercy Street, it's pretty good too.

Tuesday, March 15, 2016


Hey people,

I'm alive and eating moi-moi right now. Jonzing for some garri, sugar and groundnuts soaked in ice-cold water........................


Monday, January 11, 2016

Today's yuck

  1. The stench of a week old cigarette breath and unwashed mouth
  2. Retching sounds and a bowl half full of vomit...
  3. Blood splatter on my cheek, beside my mouth and underneath by chin. Thank God for goggles. 
  4. Blood on my shoe lace despite my shoe covering
Par for the course.  

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Adieu 2015

2015, I'm not mad at you at all. You were good to me and I'm thankful.
I started residency at my number one program.
I sailed through the first 6 months.
I got an awesome apartment.
I have the best coresidents.
My family is healthy.
I came out of med school induced depressed shell
I adjusted well to the lack of diversity in my program and little city
I spent my birthday with the people I love most
I completed drawing 1, painting 1 and painting 2 before residency started.
My family added a medical doctor, a nurse practitioner and another pharmacist all by the grace of God.
Best of all I no longer live in the darkness of depression. I have my days but I'm no longer in that black hole.

Keeping my fingers crossed, hoping and praying that things only get better.

I remain thankful.

Friday, December 18, 2015


I was randomly thinking of when i first moved here 13 years ago

  • I had no clue what a Coin Laundry was. For the longest time, i couldn't figure it out. I was like, is it where they go to to wash coins? But that didn't make sense. I don't remember asking anyone but I sha found out what it meant maybe 2 years after being here. 
  • Using the vending machine... I was in school wanting to get a snack but had no idea how. So i watched a couple of people, but wasn't exactly sure what they were doing, but didn't want to ask. Until a black chick came and used it, I figured she would be cool to ask as per her being a sista, for where. She was so snotty about it, gave me this irritated look and dismissively told me what to do. Winch
  • Getting soda from the soda fountain in the Cafeteria. Do i just hold the cup under the fountain or do i push something?  Most of it was the fear of making a fool of myself, but again i watched and asked questions. I learned very fast that the best way to go about things was to ask QUESTIONS! I figured i can look like a fool asking you once, but i never have to ask again, so that became my default, asking questions. 
  • Getting used to daily homework, quizzes, tests, projects in college, where you are only struggling for 20-25% of your grade in finals, as opposed to the whole grade which just one final exam like in Naija. 
  • How open Americans are with their personal lives. I was just like these people talk too much. I still can't get over one of my classmates in an honor class was telling me and our professor (there were only 10 of us in the class and we came early) about her cheating boyfriend and the professor asked if she was sure she didn't get an STI from her boyfriend and she responded by saying thankfully, she never slept with him because he had some scion scion on his penis and she wanted him to get tested. I couldn't in a billion years imagine that conversation happening between a college professor and a student in Naija! Make dem call call you Ashewo or runs girl. 
  • College students openly smoking during the day, both males and females, especially the females. I never saw a woman smoking in my life before coming here and the few guys i had seen smoking in naija was usually at night... under the cover of darkness. LOL. So that took a while to get used to. Color me sheltered. 
  • Professors wanting us to call them by their first name. I could never do it, never ever. Even till today, there are some doctors who asked to be called by their first names and i go right ahead and continue calling them Dr. XYZ. Naija people and respect, it's how my brain was shaped. 
  • Having an accent! Prior to coming here, the people who had accents to me where the deep speaking yoruba, igbo, hausa or calabar people. We had our Benin and Warri accents also. When i tell someone who grew up in Benin that someone was acting like a bini girl, they know exactly what i'm talking about and that includes the accent. Do you guys remember the recent video of a lady talking about how she used her Kpekus to make more. She was pissed and chewing gum in the video? That's a bini geh! LOL. Anyway, I was among the majority of "non accent" having Nigerian until i got here. Shock.com. At the end of the day, we all have accents. Someone should tell some Americans that. 
  • The bland tasting fruits and weird tasting chicken. Nothing tasted right. I almost lost my love for meat because of that nonsense. I actually don't like meat as much as i used to in Naija. 
  • In the same vein, getting used to eating large amounts of meat. In naija, you get your piece of meat and that's it. It's a wonderful day if you get two. Then i got her and you could eat only chicken for dinner if you to. Steak was the main course, with side dishes. That was so unreal. I can't lie that i didn't love it because i did. I was known for being a meat lover in my family. 
  • Learning to make eye contact while speaking to older people. This was one of the hardest ones to get used to. It took me years and years. In Nigeria looking at someone (an older person) while they are talking /lecturing/scolding you is a sign of disrespect. So you have grown wings?!  Americans on the other hand, consider you dishonest and suspicious if you don't make eye contact. It was bad! 
  • Walking by an older people, known or unknown and not greeting them or just saying Hi! Unlike Nigerians, Americans don't care if someone they don't know doesn't greet them good morning ma or sir. A real or fake smile will suffice. This haunted me up till med school. There was this older Naija transporter (move patients around) in the hospital, and he got to know i was Nigerian, he saw my name badge and asked me. I saw him pretty regularly, most times while i was with my team. The dilemma became how to greet him, should i say Hi or Good morning Sir. Ha! I tried Hi, smile and nod but only the proper naija greeting felt right. So eventually i gave in and even in front of my team, I would greet him properly. I did get odd looks from some of the residents but i was doing what my conscience and upbringing dictated. LOL. Next time when faced with that situation, I'll just greet properly and not stress myself about Americans looking at me funny. It just didn't feel right greeting an old Naija man, hi! I didn't know him outside the hospital and it most likely wouldn't have mattered, but it's ingrained. 
Mehn those early days were tough. It took me a good 2 years to adjust to being here. I was so homesick for Naija and Nigerians. I remember one day on the elevator surrounded by american classmates who never shut up of course, being so utterly irritated by the spree, spree, spree accent. I wanted to scream! Now the accents don't bother me and i'm "technically" a Nigerian-American, but  I will always be Naija for life! 
Hey guys, welcome to my blog. Sit back, relax, grab a cup of coffee and enjoy!

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