Thursday, July 31, 2014

Vex Button Malfunction

Hello Friends, lovers, strangers........

We have all agreed that i'm a blogging failure this year so no need to address that. Moving on swiftly to other things. I have a lot to say about friends and friendships, but i'm usually too tired and brain dead to get into that subject matter, so i've just left it alone. However, when I think i've seen it all, life chooses to surprise me.
Yesterday, this one chic ("friend"), had texted me saying  she would like to go over the changes she made to her rotation schedule to see if it made sense. I asked her to stop by my place later in the evening and we could go over it. Now, life happened and I was stuck in the hospital working on an admission until 8pm. She texted me multiple times asking where i was, I even had to send her a picture to show i was still in the hospital, so we agreed that I would let her know when i was leaving so she could leave her apartment. At about past 7, she texted me that she was on her way to my apartment, I was like you can come meet me at the hospital cos i'm still here otherwise I will be home in an hour. Then she responded that I should let her know when I get home as she would be at my neighbors.

When I was finally leaving at 8pm, I saw that she had texted and said that she forgot that my neighbor had told her she was on call that day, so she wasn't home, so she would just wait for me outside my apartment complex. I finally got home sometime past 8, mind you I hadn't had anything to eat since lunch time when I had a parfait. Before I could get out of my car sef, o girl was waiting by my door. No wahala. We get into my apartment, and start talking about her schedule. Ironed that out and I'm thinking okay, job done dey go make I relax. For where?! She brings out her personal statement. We have been working on this thing since JANUARY!  I wrote my personal statement in a week. No joke. As at 2 weeks ago, her personal statement was perfect. I have used both joke and seriousness to tell her I was done with the madness. So imagine my surprise when she brought it out again yesterday "eh Dr. This said she should add that". I was just weak.

I had to do it right away because she had to send it to the Attending immediately. I was like "come on, seriously?" I asked her if she realized I hadn't eaten and she said I should have told her to get me something, and then said well, she didn't ask. I couldn't even say anything to her.  Normal me for don dey vex, but like those people who get so sick they can't even mount a fever response, I  just couldn't mount a vex response. Na so i start to edit personal statement again o. Oh, it's just 2 lines, it's just 2 lines..... took me another 20 minutes to get it right. Finally, she sends the email while I sit back and think about my life. The only thing i had done to make myself comfortable since I got home was take off my frigging wig. My shaved and reshaved head/hair is growing very nicely, thanks for asking. As any female who has their brain properly screwed on knows, it is beyond a travesty to still have a bra on after 9pm AT HOME. That's a no no. At least in my book. I don't even want to think about chics who wear a bra to bed, that's just incurable masochism, a severe personal problem that i won't get into right now.

Anyway after she sends the email. she says, I have a presentation tomorrow morning at 9am, can you please help me practice? If I tell you I got mad, I would be lying to you o. I DIDN'T GET MAD OR UPSET OR ANNOYED OR IRRITATED.

I WAS TOO SHOCKED!!!!!

I would never in a million, trillion years think of imposing on someone/anyone like that. I don't care how close i am to the person. At least I will let the person eat dinner especially knowing that they had been freaking working ALL DAY. But no o, this chic exists in an atlternate universe. Na so my sister pull up power point on her ipad and pushes it in front of me. LOL. It's funny now. That shit was surreal yesterday. I guess since my vex button was malfunctioning, I figured I might as well help her. I listened to her and actually helped her quite a bit with the presentation, which thankfully was on an interesting topic and I actually learned something.  Finally, at about 10pm,  almost 2 HOURS after I got home, we were done and she packed herself and left my apartment. 

After she left, I was more surprised by my non-reaction than anything else. I was like wow, this shit is broken mehn! I can't even vex like a normal person again. Maybe I was too tired, I'm not just sure what happened last night. Especially since she prevented me from going to the gym. Granted, I kept wondering how someone could think it was okay to do that. I mean, she's not my BFF or anything remotely close to that. So color me confused. I mean she had shown some self centered tendencies in the past, but this was above and beyond anything. I just don't understand people. I think i will just continue to exist in my currently friendless cocoon. I just started to venture out again and acknowledge people, now this. I have no qualms ignoring calls, texts, knocks on my door etc etc, all of which i have done to this chic in the very recent past.

P.S My Attending was trying to give me a complex about my accent this month, but that's another blog post.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Food.......

.................is good for the soul.

When you start the day with dodo and stew and peach tea with honey, how can you possibly have a bad day? Sorry, I have no pictures of my food cos i didn't mean to blog. I have an ambivalent, apathetic relationship with my blog right now, so i'm just trying to try.

I'm home chilling cos i have a Dr's appt this morning, so i didn't have to be at the hospital at the crack of dawn. Which is why i was able to fry some delicious plantain this morning. It's the little things. But in the next couple of hours i will pay for this luxurious morning because finding parking will literally be a bitch. That's the worst thing about rotating in this hospital. Even our attending has trouble finding parking in the afternoon. God forbid you park in the patient/visitor parking lot. Those miserable VA police are happy to you give a ticket without blinking.

Alright friends, lovers and strangers. Enjoy your day.

Friday, July 4, 2014

Praying the Fat away




Lord, I want to thank you for this food, I'm about to eat
I give you all the glory for this delicious meal you have set before me
I thank you father
Now, as i consume this delicious mountain of oatmeal and spinach soup
I declare warfare on you sneaky idiots posing as cholesterol and calories
planning to add inches to my waist overnight
I give you Mike Tyson blow
I say die! 
I command you to die! 
I bind you, I cast you!
I demoralize your calorific powers
I request nutrition, and nutrition only from this mountain of oatmeal
Any confused portion of this food intending to pretend as if you don't understand my command
I bite your ear like Evander Holyfield
You must respond to my demand
Today, I declare warfare on you fat in my life 
I have been jumping in the gym for the past 4 and a half months, 
this useless fat no gree shift
Eating grass like goat in the name of salad without dressing and healthy eating
 Still, no hope
Today, na today. We go know who the boss is
I am breaking the yoke of fat today in my life. 
In the mighty name of Jesus
I command you to die by fire
I say die
I proclaim spiritual liposuction in all areas of concern 
from my belly, to my hips
all you demonic fat reducing my hustle
I say burn by fire right now
in the name of Jesus

Abeg, God understand my needs
I have attached some spinach inside this soup
I have downgraded from garri and pounded yam to oatmeal
All this poached egg business is disturbing my hustle
So try and meet me halfway 
please I beg you 
in the mighty name of Jesus
Amen!!


I almost died laughing. Who no go, no know! The struggle is real!!!! 
I almost miss Naija church. 
We know how to kabash sha!
I still think Nigerians are one of the funniest people on earth.
She went from kabashing to begging
was switching from english to pidgin
This is the funniest thing i have heard in a while.
I have given up on the weight loss struggle for now
that one is to be continued at a future undecided date
I have to pick my battles one at a time. 
 

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Whiff Sniff Sniff

Today was the first day of new rotation. Back to the bed side rounding torture fest that can be medicine.
  • 1pm - We start rounding. I just got done seeing a new admit, so of course i didn't get a chance to eat lunch and my stomach had no memory of the cereal i had for breakfast at this time.
  • 2.30pm - The humidity is getting to me. Another patient, another introduction. I unbutton my white coat and wish to be anywhere but there.
  • 3.00pm- I confirm what i already know, I hate inpatient medicine.
  • 3.30pm - One of the third years asks me what's the cause of primary pulmonary hypertension.  I tell her i'm sorry, i don't have an answer for her. My brain shut down an hour ago, but i don't tell her that.
  • 4pm- Whiff, sniff, sniff.... Is that me? Did i forget to wear deodorant. I'm horrified! Jesus be a deodorant. He refuses.
  • 4.30pm - Finally last patient. blah blah blah blah. Everyone take 10 steps back and kill me now.
  • 6pm - H and P 5% done, I abandon ship. I surrender to hunger and frustration and pack my bag.  I dream of being a housewife and curse my elusive Alhaji as i make my way uphill to the parking lot.


Friday, June 13, 2014

Poof.....

...and just like that 
The bubble burst
And it was back to earth 
Back to the place where idealism and realism are in a constant battle
And fairy tales don't exist

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