Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Balance

I just got home at 930pm after getting to work at 6am and the first thing I did was take off my shoes, put my hair up and pull out my computer ....to continue working. 

I wasn't supposed to fall behind ...again..but there is only 24 hrs a day. My clinic patients don't care (and shouldn't) what rotation I'm on. When they need their refills, referral, questions or complaints address, it needs to get done.
Otherwise bad Doctor.

If you have Netflix and haven't seen The Keepers, please watch it. Tell me what you think. True life story. 😱😱😱😱

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Confused busy

Has anyone ever been so busy they became overwhelmed, confused and didn't know what next to do?! It's just past 2pm, I've been at work for 8 hrs and I'm just now pausing.

My attending was like u need to work on efficiency. How about u work on not confusing me about when we start rounds and you can tell patients not to be crashing while I'm prerounding. 😒

Monday, May 29, 2017

I miss blogging

Daz all!

I'm a learner. I just downloaded the blogger app on my phone. Didn't even think of it before today's 💡moment. Sha Sha, now that I haz it, we shall be blogging more. There's always a story to tell.

I must be tired because for the first time ever, I genuinely miss blogging. 😞

Friday, May 5, 2017

People

I never thought I would become one of those bloggers who went MIA. A lot of things have played into it, including not wanting to blog using the hospital or clinic computers, being super busy and have little desire to come home and do anything that was not work related. Even the work related stuff I sometimes had no energy or desire to do. I was behind on my work for months and only just caught up.

I have had serious issues with my residency program with regards to faculty and staff. There were a lot of things that happened that made it clear I wasn't treated the same as the other residents. There was a time last year where everyday there was something. I was so baffled as to what was going on and why. Little things were blown out of proportion and attributed to me. People perceived things how they wanted and it was accepted by the program director as the truth without ever hearing from me.

I remember one Saturday or Sunday after I was done with my 12 hr shift, I drove to my "adopted" auntie's house and just cried. That was the day that my eyes started opening to what was really going on. She is a Nigerian college professor and recognized what I was telling her. She said things that had I experienced without me even telling her. Even though I didn't feel better, talking to her helped me stop feeling like I was going crazy, because I had been scratching my head trying to understand what was going on and nothing was making sense. To give you an idea of what I am talking about, one of my co-residents had made a comment around that time that she felt like I was being hazed.

Well, things got worse. I am not someone who lets people walk over me so they had a challenge because I brought everything they did to my program director's attention. He was part of the problem too, so I went higher. There recently was a meeting where long story short, they admitted they haven't always handled things correctly with me, let's start afresh, clean slate. Uh hum.

As I sit here typing this I have been denied time off to go to a job interview. I can't get anytime of until July 10th as if this job will be reserved for me. This was something that was initially approved because "you guys are usually allowed time off for job interviews". Then her "boss" who was one of the people who started the campaign against me last year, sent me an email yesterday stating otherwise. When I spoke to the initial person that had approved it, it was very clear that she was flustered and did not know what to say to me. I understood what was happening so I told her it was fine. I can go to my doctor's appointment which is not about anything life threatening but I can't go for a job interview?  Talk about day light witchcraft.

Because I had never encountered anything like this before, I didn't always handle things well. I would get emotional and feel bad and waste time crying and talking to people who had no intention of helping me. Now I know what not to waste my energy on. I was upset about it yesterday and feel a bit down today. I could go to the top and get them to intervene but I'm picking my battles, although this one is not over.

The one thing that has always been in my favor is that my patients love me, both patients I meet in the hospital and my clinic patient. Not a single faculty can has anything bad to say about my patient care. That's one thing they can't control. So when I get frustrated, I focus on that.

I have said it openly to the chief resident and anyone who would listen, I would never encourage a black female of whatever origin to come to this program. I wish I had paid more attention to race and racial issues while I was applying to residency, I never would have ranked this program number 10, talkless of number one. While I am not happy that this has been my experience, I have very recently chosen to learn from this. To stop being horrified that people can hate your guts but still relate with you like they love you. The average naija person won't talk to you if they don't like you, If they have to work with you they will be civil and professional, but to go as far as acting like you are friends, is something I have never encountered before and it scares me. I can't tell based on how people treat me if they really like me or can't stand me and it's a very uncomfortable feeling.



Friday, November 25, 2016

Residency

Sometimes I hate my program...............
My faculty advisor is on my permanent shit list from today. She has been on my shitlist since May, but today it became permanent. She's never getting off!!!
Sometimes I feel like i'm in KKK nation.
People call in sick all the time. I've only ever called in sick once when I had been sick throughout the weekend, it got to Monday and I couldn't not get out of bed or speak. Come to find out, 5 people called in sick that same day. It took me over 2 weeks to clear whatever infection that was which I know for sure I got from clinic, but I only missed one day of work.

I have had an exhausting month, been running on 3-4 hours of sleep a night, I've had to show up for work without taking a shower because I could barely drag myself out of bed. On Tuesday, I actually overslept and did not wake up until 0649 and I have to be at work at 0600. My intern chose that day to not show up aka call in sick and it was a shit show. That same Tuesday, I had to have a major dental procedure and go right back to work. I have been unable to take my pain medication because I have to work and it's a narcotic. The medication i'm taking to help with inflammation is making my stomach condition flare up. I am in so much pain and overall feel like shit!

I randomly look at my schedule this morning and see that i am on 24hr call tomorrow and I'm just like nooo! I can't physically keep going.  I call the program office and ask if i can switch calls. I know it's last minute but I have been dragging myself through this week hoping to recuperate this weekend.

Long story short, because i currently feel like shit and need to go home, my advisor calls me in the hospital and insists i make an appointment to get a doctor's note. Other residents have called in sick multiple days in a row and not once has anyone else been ask to provide a doctor's note. I know this for a fact.

More than anything else, it was her tone and choice of words which made it clear she did not believe me. Would I want to leave work in the middle of the day if I was faking? I haven't lost my mind yet.

Fuckers!

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

I can't Fux with you!

I have an annoying headache so I can't sleep and the floor is "quiet", so I figure this is a good time to blog. I've had a lot of interesting experiences that are blog worthy, but i've always been an in the moment kind of blogger. If stuff happens and I don't blog about it then, chances I will come back to it in the future are slim. For example, I never gave an update on my post about my encounter with the rude USPS clerk. Long story short, I got an apology email and was told he was reported to his immediate supervisor and the overall manager of that location. Case closed.

Is it wrong that I am giving anyone I know who could stomach voting for Trump a wide berth and side eyes? One of the residents who I would say has gone out of her way to be friends with me including inviting me to spend Christmas and Easter with her family is Republican. Fine, all well and good.After Trump won and I was going off  she said she voted for a third party republican. Okayyyy... The next day, we were arguing about Trump and racism when she said "my mom likes you and she voted for Trump". My initial response was yeah, your mom likes me and I don't think she's racist.

This lady has been very nice to me, welcoming me into her home. Her whole family has been very nice. She just baked me a huge ass pie for my birthday at the end of October. But when I walked away from that conversation which got worse the longer it lasted, including this chic telling me, they had to put up with Obama being president for the past 8 years and feeling the need to put Michelle down, when I talked about Melania even though i was trying to compare anyone, I was like hollup, hollup, hollup, something stinks and I smell closeted, subconscious racism.

I don't care how much you act like you like me, but if you can vote for a man who is against everything that I am, a black, female, immigrant, then I can't fux with you. I've always been a legal immigrant but I'm an immigrant nonetheless and this man is openly Xenophobic. I refuse to be the token black friend who you like. Mba! Keep it. How are you going to like me but can stand to vote for someone who is so openly racist. When I talked about my fear of increased overt racism, my so called friend said, It was happening under Obama, so what's going to be different? I was just like I can't deal with this bitch!

It's already fucking happening, dude! The day Trump won, 2 guys jumped out of a car and beat up this chic with a metal before grabbing her hijab and driving off. I have a very good friend from med school who wears a hijab and I'm worried about her.

I don't know o, but If i know you and you voted for Trump, I can't fux with you. You declared your myself my enemy when you decided to support that sorry excuse for a human being. I can't trust you. How can you not be repulsed by that man. How? How? How?! This is not even about politics, but as a human being, even W. Bush didn't vote for him. 53% of WHITE WOMEN vote for Trump! I'm done.

Today I got a text from her saying, I wish you were here, I can't stand these people (she was in clinic). I just look text comot eye. Who wan follow you dey do that one. Best believe I will never be going with her to her parents house. That's never happening again.

America, I hail thee. Wetin person no go see.
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