I think it's really interesting how we subconsciously assimilate and buy into stuff without being aware of it. We are just clueless sponges sometimes primed to follow a script we have no clue we are following. I had a dream the other day and i woke up smiling. I will spare you the details of that dream because it's really not pertinent to this story. However, it made me stop and think. I told my friend later that evening, that i feel like I'm going to end up getting married to someone i already know. This might not make sense to you so let me explain.
I have guys who have liked me and asked me out for years but i have put them comfortably in the friend zone, because that's what we started out as or in some cases that's what we settled into for various reasons. For some of these guys, there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. Of course, there are always those I'm not attracted to but that's not always the case. While these guys are jumping through hoops to be with me, i pay them no attention and focus instead on the unknown prince charming. The one i have been subconsciously primed to wait for. I don't know when he'll get here, but i know he'll get here. Like one of my friends will say, he's coming. It's just that he's mates are taking airplane while he decided to walk. LOL. She's a silly goose.
So of course, in my search for this elusive Prince charming, i meet all these useless guys who add nothing but drama to my life while ignoring the people who are waiting and who i know will treat me like a princess (very cliche but true). Remember last year before my birthday when i said i wanted flowers but didn't think i was going to get them? Well, a day before my birthday i said that to one of such guys and the next day i got flowers and we don't live in the same state. Mind you his birthday is a day before mine and i didn't even get him a card. Meanwhile the person i would have wanted flowers from FORGOT my birthday!!! Then picked a fight with me over some bullshit on my birthday which he FORGOT!. *gasps*
It's really ironic how at the same time i can have one guy be acting anyhow and another who would do back flips if i paid him a tiny bit of attention. Big difference between both guys is, one i just met and the other, I've always known. Guess who I'm paying attention to? My friend asked me why i didn't want to date this one guy (not the flower sender) who really likes me and in fact has told me, he has always loved me (see groove) and i told her i didn't know. I honestly didn't know at the time. There's nothing wrong with him. He's good looking, great potential (*cough), we are very good friends (which I've always wanted in a partner), and I find him attractive. So why didn't i want him? I finally figured it out. It just clicked after i had that dream.
I want the fairy tale. Do you know how many romance novels I've read in my life? If i said 2000, i would not be exaggerating. I promise you that. I've been following a script of how things should work out. In my mind, I'm supposed to meet someone new, get all excited and giddy, fall in love, go through the exciting honeymoon period and all of that before settling down with the person. This guy did not fit the script. I didn't just meet him. I've known him for over 10 years, and we are very good friends. With him there would be no giddy, exciting period, no newness, no unknown (well, there are always unknowns when dealing with people), because we are already comfortable with each other. Therefore in my eyes he wasn't eligible even though some other chic would find him very eligible.
Then it occurred to me that i might be waiting for Prince Charming while my King is right in front of me. I'm not referring to this guy in particular but the idea of going out to look for something that you already have.
Which leads me to my next topic....... when do you stop pussyfooting around and think with your head (:
*I'll save that post for another time. I have a headache and i really should be sleeping but i can never sleep the day I'm done with exams. It makes no sense but it's a curse i have to deal with. The time my body needs sleep most is when i can't sleep so i stay up feeling crappy.
*In case you are wondering, I'm officially off the mens for now. This semester is hell on steroids and i need to focus because my life depends on this. I've told them they can wait, if they can't that's fine too. As my father will say, there will always be guys.
*This post is specially dedicated to Unveilinggold who said she wanted to read my old personal posts. I never talk about (my) relationships anymore but i thought this was worth sharing. Who knows it might open someones eyes. *wink, wink* Just make sure you come back and thank me :)
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