Thursday, October 23, 2014

All T, All Shade

In case you can't tell from the title, I am a huge fan of RuPaul's Drag race and I am happy to say I am current on drag queen slangs. Yaass hunty!

Today I will be addressing a very pervasive issue affecting a lot of young Nigerian females. I'm sure it affects people of other nationalities too, but I'm sticking to the demographic i'm familiar with. Apparently, we have a lot of Chinua Achebe or Chimamanda Adichie's protege's running around. I didn't know a lot of people where into writing fairytales. Someone who could not string more than 2 sentences together in undergrad to write a paper (major shade) all of a sudden becomes an accomplished writer as soon as she finds a man willing to marry her. I never knew until now that an engagement ring also has magic powers. It can transform your life and make you quite proficient at rewriting history. Hmmm.....Okay. I have read a lot of wedding websites by people i know which were obviously embellished. If you want to add some jara, what's my own?

Those of you on instagram harrassing people with your bio #mymanisbetterthanyours #mylordship #Engagedtoagladiatormarryingaking. Una dey forget say people know una? I'm not even going to talk about birthday or anniversary posts. As my mother will say, hide yourself!!!!!!!!  You guys keep forgetting that people know you in real life and yet you have no chill or even shame for that matter.The moment that ring is on your finger, you develop the superhero power of delusion.

Recently, a post under the wedding section of Bella Naija was brought to my attention. I won't say which one. Prior to this post, when i see people exhibit themselves on social media I just laugh and keep it moving. It doesn't really bother me because I get that some people would rather exist in their fantasy world than face reality. However, this particular post left me amazed! Like mouth agape, wipe eyes, wetin i dey read so, amazed! This was from a demon child I know personally, Frenemy Extraordinaire, a rat that would bite you and blow breeze on the spot so you don't feel the pain so that they can continuing biting you, a vicious green snake, CEO of Back Stabbing Bitches Worldwide International Incorporated and now Editor-in-Chief of fairytales.com.

The world is coming to an end!

Word to the wise, when your hands are not clean have the decency to hide yourself. Just because social media is available to all, doesn't mean you should partake in it. You can fool people who don't know you into thinking you and Mohammed are now BFFs, but the people who know you will see you for the pathetic joke you are. You can Photoshop your pictures to make them look perfect, choose the most romantic locations, wear the nicest clothes and come up with a story that could be made into a movie, but what are you doing to do to your evil black heart?

Tufiakwa.................

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Twenty Random Things

This is for New Dawn and Ms. Cookie (I had no clue you had a blog, madam. Well done). I have been meaning to do this post for a while now, but nothing was coming to mind.  Digging deep people!

  1. I discovered I had a natural talent for drawing in JSS 3. I'm naturally good at drawing what I see. Piss poor at drawing from my imagination. I really like drawing cartoons. As part of healing thyself, I took my first drawing class which ended last week. It was an awesome experience. I intend to take more art classes. I really want to learn how to paint. 
  2. I am allergic to Eba. I break out in boils whenever i eat it. My paternal grandmother had the same food allergy. 
  3. It is believed that I am the reincarnate of my paternal grandmother. I'm not sure what i think about that. I choose to see her as my guardian Angel.
  4. I only have 23 teeth but you can't tell from looking in my mouth as there has been almost $10,000 worth of dental work done (minus insurance). I kid you not! 
  5. If i wasn't in medicine, I would be a writer. I actually write and was very recently told by a couple of people including a writing coach that I have a gift and to make sure I keep on writing, but I am reluctant to call myself a writer. 
  6. People think I am funny. I have no idea why because i never try to be funny and most of the things i say that they laugh at, I'm actually being serious. Although, i would admit that i do spout some nonsense from time to time, but never with the intention of being funny. 
  7. I had to finally admit to myself that I really am a ball of mush on the inside.
  8. I got my first speeding ticket this month. The police officer wrote i was going 89 which was a blatant lie, but since it was out of town, I have to suck it up and pay the fine.
  9. I hate the Police. Just don't like them. 
  10. I shaved my head twice this year. I haven't done that since i was a kid. Prior to the first shave in Feb, I was natural. I love the feel of my bald head. Rubbing it is very soothing. I was tempted to shave it again last week, but i'm going to suck it up and let it grow. 
  11. 99.9% of the time, I don't use make up. Didn't do it when i was younger, so never got into it. Although a couple of years ago, I spent some good money on MAC products which i never used until recently. I break it out these days for professional photos and interviews. You will never catch me on a normal day with make up.
  12. 99.999% of the time I don't drink alcohol. No reason other than I don't like the taste
  13. I worked in a liquor store for 5 years :) 
  14. I have never been to a club. True story. The thought of a lot of people in a confined space is not my idea of fun. No interest. I automatically have a headache when people start talking of going to the club. 
  15. People who don't know me, think i am quiet. I tend to be more reserved when i'm not feeling the setting. 
  16. I never thought there would come a time when I would have no interest in blogging. It's something that makes me very sad because it was such a great outlet and i enjoyed it so much. I wonder if it is related to Anhedonia
  17. I talk to my mom everyday. She's the only person If i miss her call, that i try to call back before i go to bed. 
  18. I love Crime shows. I've watched all the ones on Netflix and Amazon Prime. Every single available episode. 
  19. I don't know if i believe in God but I definitely know what I don't like being around super religious people. 
  20. I wear Buddhist prayer beads all day everyday because it reminds me to practice mindfulness and stay focused on the now. I have no intention of becoming a Buddhist or any other religion.

I think i did good! New Dawn is determined to get me back to blogging come hell or high water. I also have another post to complete courtesy of her.  What would I change about my physical attribute or character?

New Dawn, I just want you to know that i appreciate you more than you would ever know. Same goes for Segun Pryme. Ms. Cookie, I read your comment and was actually surprised by it. I didn't think there was anything to miss, but apparently there is and it makes me want to work harder to get to the point where I am okay and enjoy blogging again.

Friday, October 17, 2014

Clown with her pants down

I managed to charm my way into leaving an hour early today.
 Hasta la vista CICU!.
See you on Monday. Sadly. 
I had a huge mug in one hand, Ipad and note book in the other, Stethoscope, Pocket medicine, maxwell, reflex hammer, papers, crap, more crap and a bottle of water in my white coat pockets.
I felt like a coat hanger.
Am I wearing the white coat or is the white coat wearing me? 
That's debatable on most days

As i took quick, giant, don't look at me, don't talk to me strides to the elevator, I notice this dude looking at me. Kind of used to that. The looks. I'm quite a sight on most days. 
Scrubs and Converse almost don't go together in the ICU, not very professional but at least i didn't wear my pink pair today
Still, i took a cursory look at thy self and noticed my scrub pant strings were hanging a little far down to be properly tied.

I got on the elevator with a large group of people and with some stealth ninja moves as i'm practically arm less, I checked and Yep, my pants were untied
Oh boy! 
I got off the elevator and what do you know, all those people got off with me. 
As i walked I felt my pants sliding down.
I didn't need to be psychic to know this will not end well. 
So I struggled to free one hand and in the process spilt some tea on myself but at least i could attempt to hold my pants up.
So I'm walking in front of the people i got off the elevator with holding my freaking pants up with one hand.
 I knew there was  no rest room close by and there was no way i could keep walking holding my pants up and struggling with the freaking huge mug, ipad and notebook in front of all those people
So i calmly respected myself and stopped by a window so they could walk by me,
Ignored the guy walking towards me making no attempt to disguise the fact the he was looking at me holding my pants up. Son of a bitch!
then I jejely grabbed both pants strings firmly,
owned the fact that i looked like a clown and made my way to my locker,
which required walking down three long halls, getting on another elevator and going up 9 floors. 

But i made it without dropping trou
mess.com

*forcing thyself to write*

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Privilege

 These eyes have seen
babies born 
some through the vagina
others through the uterus in the OR
some with lots of blood and gore, others barely making a mess
Singletons, multiples
all new life added to the world

 These eyes have seen
fetuses turned products of conception
9 weeks - perfectly formed fingers and toes
10 weeks- fingers, toes, hands, legs, vertebrae, eyes
12 weeks- hands, legs, ribs- look, a penis
15 weeks - even bigger - let's put it all together
My heart skips a bit
I try not to forget to breath. Straight face.
"yes, I'm okay"


These eyes have seen
a body still warm to the touch with undigested food in the stomach
a body with fresh blood dripping from a half blown off head, 
brain and skull missing from where they should be
Lots of flesh hanging from the side of the head, looking out of place.
A decomposing body, dry, shriveled and green, smell out of this world
alone in an apartment, dead for weeks.
No one missed him for that long


These eyes have seen
generous and kind souls who donated their bodies to science
Cadavers - a welcome to med school gift
Block 1 -Cover the heads with towels, Ease them in gently
Depersonalize - Head and neck is Block 3
Skin off, piece by piece, organ by organ, 
You form an attachment - Our body. You name her Rosa
 Body transected, skull taken off, looking less human with each passing block 
"What are you having for lunch"
"This looks like steak"
"I am so hungry"
Block 4 - pelvis and lower extremities
"We need another penis"


These eyes have seen
fathers, mothers, sons and daughters
communicating one day, intubated the next, dead in a week
obs for colonoscopy prep - just one overnight stay 
 goes home 2 weeks later on hospice
come in for an elective procedure, take a turn for the worse
gets better, sigh of relief, things are looking up
Flips a switch, DNR/DNI, comfort cares - all in less than 48 hours
family all around, tears, group hug - last breaths
  I say my silent goodbye wishing i could unsee the grief of this family
 I turn around and quietly leave the room, 
careful not to intrude on this scared moment
 as family help their loved one make the transition to death

Shit!
It hasn't gotten easier but at the same time it has.
Hey guys, welcome to my blog. Sit back, relax, grab a cup of coffee and enjoy!

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