Clean slate

New year, new things but i have to take out the trash from last year.

This and this and this and this and this.

DELETE.

Moving on.

The low road

I just want to let you guys know that this blog is no longer just my blog o! It is now for me and california girl. Eh hen! Since she wants to live and die on this blog, i have to make her co-owner of the blog. Na by force. Since what she knew about me wasn't enough, her sickness of distrust compelled her to see the need to be sneaky and spy on me through my blog.

My blog was supposed to be an outlet. A sanctuary away from friends and family. Nevermind that it is online and anyone can see it. That's y it is anonymous so that i can be free to pour my heart out. These people don't know who i am. It was supposed to be theraupetic.

Why was it so hard for u to let me have this space for myself?

You knew everything about me anyway, but that wasn't enough for u. Instead u invaded my space, read what i wrote, made wrong assumptions and had the audacity to tell me that if i had nothing to hide why didn't i write about a certain incident on my blog. Because of YOU!!!! That's y. Why should i do exactly what u expect me to do?

What you did is exactly the same as taking someone's diary and reading it behind their back. I asked u straight up if you were reading my blog and u said NO. Yet, u could open ur mouth and call me a liar over some made up bullshit that u concocted. NYSC? Is that something to hide? Get out of here. You opened your mouth and defended your actions by saying that u didn't tell me u were reading my blog cos it would defeat the purpose. What purpose?!!! You being a sneaky rat and spying on me? You were the closest friend i had in this country, yet u felt the need to do that. You ought to be ashamed. What did u hope to find out?!!! What! What?! What! I would never do that to u. Never!

As if that is not enough, u pick a bunch of stupid, meaningless stuff that u read on my blog and used them as a basis for not wanting to talk to me. Thank u for choosing to deal with this situation that way. You did both of us a favor.

As for believing what Freddy said and what u wrongly assume i insinuated, i hope it makes u happy. It's called trust and giving someone the benefit of doubt in spite of all evidence to the contrary. You were supposed to know me enough to know that i would NEVER accuse YOU of that. I don't give a shit what was in that text message. Freddy knows i never once said or insinuated that. Yet, he sent u the text message to get back at me, and you chopped. Mouth wide open, u chopped. Believe what u chose to believe, i no longer give a shit. As long as my conscience is clear, that's all that matters to me. Let God be the judge of Freddy, and i hope God also gives u the ability to trust the people u call ur friends and not fall with whatever wind that blows.

For months i have wondered what i did to you but after listening to you talk yesterday, i stand by my initial belief that i didn't do anything to YOU. I am allowed to have private thoughts that i do not share with u. Even if we were twins, you still wouldn't know every minute detail about me and that's all i am guilty of. None is this is a big deal. If u had come to me with all these accusations when u first had them, we would never have taken this path. That's why i say, all the hours i spent talking to u was a waste of my time. Our friendship had no foundation. If something as stupid as this could cause you to react the way u did, then i'm glad everything ended when it did. Because obviously you are the kind of person who would believe whatever anybody tells you about me, letting me know u never knew me in the first place. Four years of friendship down the drain over you thinking i was coding stuff on my blog. Come on. Come on, seriously come on! That is the saddest shit ever.

Venom, venom? Are u serious? It's my fucking blog. I have the absolute right to write whatever i want to write on here. You chose to sneak in here and pretend u weren't reading my blog. You think u r slick. I hope u enjoyed reading what i wrote about you. It was exactly the type of stuff u were expecting to see, wasn't it? Don't get mad now. I stand 100% by what i wrote because it was exactly how i felt at that time, and i wanted YOU, my dear california girl to read it cos i knew u were coming here. If i chose to ask people's opinion of it, like u so mockingly said yesterday, that's my fucking business. You weren't invited here in the first place and u LIED that you weren't reading the blog. So take whatever u see, and keep it moving. Who's the liar now?

I'm glad we had the discussion yesterday. God knows i had no desire to carry over this bullshit into 2009 and for that i am grateful to you.

Happy new year my sweets. I'm sure you'll keep coming to this blog cos i got it like that and u can't get enough of me. I'll make sure i do my best to entertain you cos u r obviously my number 1 fan. Mwah!

Ciao baby.

P.S Lenie says hi. He loves everybody regardless of their flaws. I'm doing my best to emulate him, but it's kinda hard.

Poems..... Urghh

I had a poem post on here, but now i say fuck it!

I'm about to take the low road. Sometimes that's the only road to take.

Food for thought

My dearest friend always tells me that one of my greatest problems is that i let my emotions control me.

HE WAS RIGHT.

So many things, so many things.......... but nothing.

I'm off to wack this chinese food. I earned it!

Switch

New year, new things. Although technically we are still a week from the new year. As a result, the content of this blog will be changing. Sort of. What do i mean by that? I'm not just going to talk about personal stuff or let's say very personal stuff.

I sort of stopped caring about remaining anonymous a while ago but it is still unsettling when people who know me have information they would otherwise not have if they were not reading my blog. I'm not sure how comfortable i am with that.

I started blogging Jan 23rd 2007 because i wanted to be able to freely talk about my feelings and things that were stressing me out that i wasn't comfortable talking about with the people in my life, I had just being unceremoniously dumped by an idiot, who funny enough called me last week to say he didn't like the way things ended between us. Well, i guess things are not going too well in babymamaville. Anyway, at that time i was hurting, and besides my friends who were there for me, i needed another outlet. On top of that i was dealing with a severe depression that was as a result of a brief abusive relationship. So i had a lot of things on my plate.

Blogging helped, but i was really adamant about remaining anonymous so i kept deleting blogs. This is my 4th blog. Now, i've said no more!! I will not delete another blog neither will i stop blogging. I am a long way from the person that i was last year. I went to therapy which helped my depression tremendously and i am happier than i have ever being. I have truly good friends who have stuck with me until now. My old friends are still the best friends that i have. My relationship with my family is wonderful. We keep having new blessings everyday. I am the happiest that i have been in the 6 yrs that i have been here. I know that i am blessed and i couldn't ask for more.

I'm not going to stop blogging, cos i love it too much and i love u guys too much. I wouldn't just want to walk away and not hear how u guys are doing. So i'm going to remain in blogville but i am no longer going to put it out there like i used to. I don't need to anymore. I'm thankful for all the support i've gotten from u guys. I know some of u really care even though u don't know me. What could be sweeter than that? To have a virtual support system. It's truly awesome and that's one of the blessings this year has brought me.

So, to all the wonderful people of blogville, Merry Christmas and i'll "see" you guys in 2009.

Hasta la vista, babes!

Buddha Belly

Thanks for all the congratulatory messages. I have been on cloud nine. Imagine, i got a mail from the army addressing me as "Dear medical Student". What's not to be happy about.

The problem i have now is that i'm gaining weight rapidly. I have no self control. I just eat everything that comes my way. It's getting sicken. I already know how i'm going to look when i'm 3 months pregnant. It would be cute if i was pregnant, but since i'm not, it's not cute AT ALL.

My crazy brother is not helping matters by buying cakes, candy and junk food. Somebody hold meeeeeeeeeeee......... Seriously though, matter don dey hard.

I need to lose 15lbs! Any tips? Nothing crazy, like liquid diet or diet pills.

Did i tell u guys of the time i took Hydroxycut?! Person go siddon e go be like say e dey run. The increased heart rate was scary. Let's not talk about the sleepless nights that i had for the three days that i took those pills. Guess how much i weighed when i took those pills? 138lb!!!!

I thought i was fat then. Now i'm 155lbs and i can't even talk.

Whoo hoo!

YES! YES!! YES!!! YES!!!!

Medical School here I come.

God has blessed me. Thank you GoD!

Dec 19, 2008. Best day of my life.

Thanks to everyone who prayed for me and wished me luck and encouraged me. You should have seen me bawling my eyes out today in the rest room at my job. It took my sister 5 minutes to understand what i was saying. After she was like, are u sure u are the only one in the rest room? Did u look under the stalls? Me ke? I was too happy/emotional to care. I'm so happy. I don't care that i spent the whole day on my feet today at work and now i have to work 3rd shift at my second job. I no care. Nothing will spoil my happiness today o!

God has truly blessed me. THANK YOU GODDDDDDDDDDDD!

Mrs. melu melu-leke leke

What in the world is the deal with married women who hypenate their husband's first and last name as their surname. I don't get it. It's very annoying. This is now a "trend" amongst the females who went to my high school. If it was their dad's last name and their husband's last name hypenated, i wouldn't have a problem with it. That's what i intend to do, if my future husband insists that i add his name (i wouldn't if it was up to me). But no oh! That's not tush/hip enough.

It really just annoys me in an unexplainable way. I guess it's because ALL of them are now doing it. I'm just like WHAT THE FUCK is this?!!!

3 truths and one lie

Toluwa and GNG tagged me. So i'm to say two truths and one lie and u guys get to pick out the lie. Well, i'm going for 3 truths and one lie. Let's see how well you guys can figure me out.

1. I have been to jail.
   
2. I had an identical twin sister who passed away when she was 2yrs old.
   
3. I kissed a girl (and i likkkeeeed itt..... (singing))
4. I have six fingers.
   

Knock yourselves out!

Muah!

....................................

I can't believe it has come to this. I'm bored! Don't feel like blogging anymore. I don't even have time to read blogs anymore. I feel like the whole world is spinning and i'm in the middle, like i'm in the center of a freaking hurricane.

I'm just sick.

I'll be back and no, i'm not suffering from bloggers block. I have a ton of stuff to talk about. Just don't have the time or desire to do so.

Friday 12.30pm this week, pls send good thoughts my way. I have my first med school interview. I am excited/nervous. I actually had an osteopathic med school interview in January of this year but i didn't get accepted. After going through that process, i decided not to apply to Osteopathic medical school this year (for next yr). So this my first regular med school interview. Given how sad my MCAT score was, i am surprised to say the least. I guess my other "credentials" carried the day. I told myself that i was getting into medical school next yr, low MCAT scores or not. It seems like my dream is going to come true. God knows i worked for it.

Ciao people.

P.S Soupasexy, u made my day. I missed u too!

Paper Journal

I know i should be living my life for me, but sometimes it doesn't feel that way.

Parents find it difficult to start treating their grown kids like that are actually grown, in my case, i find it difficult to start relating with my mother like i'm grown. Why can't i be open about stuff. I'm too old for this. Why can't i be free and talk about stuff instead of sneaking around like a teenager.

I'm stressed beyond belief. I have the event of my life coming up next week.

I'm starting to get hooked on my Bartles and Jaymes Pina colada Wine cooler. I tried Boones Farm fuzzy navel and it was great. Would have finished the whole 750ml bottle at one sitting if i wasn't driving. When did i start drinking? I worked at a liquor store for almost 5 yrs. I only drank once a yr on my birthday. Now, the frequency of my wine cooler drinking has increased. Even though i've never been tipsy or drunk, i'm starting to crave a drink whenever i'm stressed. The alcohol must be having an unconscious physiological effect on me to make me crave it.

I'm not working this weekend. First free weekend since August. Halleluyah! I get to practice....

I've been having severe mood swings. I most certainly am PMSing, but then again i definitely remember being told in my psychology of women class that PMS is a socially constructed concept. I don't think my body/hormones got that message. Forgive me for being a bitch! I'll try to make sure that my body gets the memo next month.

I'm on a mission. The re-nigerianization of my fake Nigerian. First stop: Re-teach him some pidigin english. Note to self: Try not to slap him as he mocks me/giggles like a school girl as i speak it.

I'm tired of working; I hate my lab job, and i've become too physically tired to enjoy my hospital job. Who wants to get married to me, take out a life insurance policy and then conveniently die?! GASP!!! I can't believe i said that. Volunteers, line up on the right!

Why am i not eager/thinking of getting married? What happened to my desire to be someone's wife/mother? I thought they said i would grow into it. I must be a defective African woman.

I feel caught between too cultures. To a certain extent. I know i'm always going to do me. To hell with what people think. Still why do i have that nagging doubt at the back of my mind.

I'm sleepy yet don't want to go to sleep. I want to read that novel.

Why do i feel guilty/ashamed? I haven't done anything. I remember those days. I hated it! I never want to go back there. That's what progress is about. I am regressing. Too bad.

I took out my one and only wisdom tooth yesterday. It was huge. Who wants to see a picture?