Interview

The list of contestants for blogville idol is up. Go check it out and get ready to vote. The competition starts July 7th. Check it out here.

Emmm........ btw, keep an ear out for Abbie and Goodnaijagirl, my personal peeps. I bet they won't disappoint.

I have a job interview today and i am nervous as heck. I'm usually not this nervous about anything but i really want this job so bad cos i HATE my current job at the moment. The fact that some of the pple are getting on my last nerve. I'm just unhappy there. I even dreamt yesterday that one of the egocentric dufus of a post doc tried to lock me in a toilet. How sick is that. So i really want this job. It's in a mental health hospital and i would be working as a mental health tech if i get the job. My older sister said since i'm crazy i would fit in perfectly. So much love from my peeps.

So blogville, pls pray for me, wish me luck and all that good stuff. I need it and hopefully i don't get a brain freeze like i did during my med sch interview (i didn't get in, surprise, surprise!)


UPDATE

Yay!! i got the JOB. Mehn, all u blogville people are serious prayer warriors oh. Ur prayers worked. I'm really happy. Unfortunately, it's not a full time or even part time job. It's a per diem or as needed job. It's all good. I'm going to request nights or evenings so i can still work at the lab until i get something good. The lab pays more also. So i might just suck it up, put on a fake smile and keep a stiff upper lip. That's what brokeness does to ya! But i'm happy though. The interviewer loved me. Don't ask me why. Although the fact that her daughter just graduated from my alma mater with the same degree as me, and also wants to go to med school might have helped. She's east African, i don't know what part though. I didn't ask. She said there were a lot of Nigerians at the hospital and i was the 2nd Nigerian she was interviewing that day. Big ups to my naija pple.

Iwalewa Daniels asked how do i manage to update often. Easy, i feel like my head gets full of all these thots that i have to offload and my blog is the safest place to do so. I don't even write about half the things i want to write about. Besides, it's easy to update when u don't have a life, like moi!

I love u guys, thanks for all the prayers.

He's just not that into you

Unless u've been living under a rock, i bet you've heard of the book "He's not just that into you" by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo (and they say africans have weird names, check out their last names). If u've not heard of the book, then u have really been living under a rock but since u've now heard of the book through me, then all is well and u are forgiven.

My sister bought this book for herself 2 yrs ago and it has been in my room for the last 6 months but i never bothered to open it until yesterday when i was watching a VH1 show and they said something about the book.

Oh my days........ Ladies, this book is common sense knocked into u. You know how all these guys be acting, and we try to make excuses for them and keep on keeping hope alive, hoping he'll change.... Na lie. He's not just that into u. Trust me, if u read this book, u'll stop bullshitting urself. Unless u have promised God that u won't stop deceiving urself as a penance for all ur past sins, then my sister, you are On Your Own aka OYO.

You have no one to blame but urself when he keeps misbehaving aka meskaforming aka misyarning and u have to cry urself to sleep every night. Well, it's ok to cry. Tears are healthy anyway, they help relieve stress. BUT...................... I have always believed in the saying that the one who is worth crying over will never make u cry. You girls know what i'm talking about. How many guys have made u cry? Guys whom u would have moved heaven and earth for, yet they might as well not give a shit about u. I have LET many guys make me cry. I knew better then, but i was pretending i didn't know . Keep hope alive!!!

Well, i have read this book (i never finish am sha). Good thing i did. The book will not tell u anything u didn't know already. It will more than likely confirm suspicions. You know how sometimes u ask someone for their opinion and u know it's not going to be favorable or it's not going to be what u want to hear... Well that's what the book is. It will tell u what u don't want to hear even though in ur hearts of heart u already knew.

Chapter heading includes

1. He's just not into you if he's not asking you out
2. He's just not into you if he's not calling you
3. He's just not into you if he's not dating you

and much more (I no fit write all now, the pple dey pay me?). Go read the book ladies. It should be like a reference material like a dictionary, u know.... BTW, the book has just been made into a movie. For all u none reading pple, no excuses. Although i doubt the movie will do the book justice. It will just be another comedy or some bullshit story (IMO). I might go see it though, so don't mind me.

Suyalicious

Mehn.......... I'm seriously craving Suya right now. I'm driving and i smell it. I'm walking and i smell it. In places i have no business smelling food, i smell suya. I'm not pregnant oh! Last time i checked my name wasn't Mary.

Someone needs to hook a sister up. I don't want all those one-kind, supposed to be, pseudo suya. I want the one that was grilled (?) under a tree in the corner of the dirt road, at night for that matter by hausa mallams. I know u guys are saying i'm not ready to eat suya then, if all these conditions have to be met. Well....... it just means i want to go to Nigeria.

So how many of u lovely, gorgeous, handsome, intelligent, hot, fierce, rich(!!!) (LOL) bloggers are willing to sponsor the trip? What?! You think i'm paying u all these compliments for nothing? You are joker. Oya money, hand it over.

Alright, i get it. You are probably a broke ass like me. Fine!!! I'll just take the suya if u have it. I'll pretend it was made by my favorite roadside mallam in naija. Don't worry i'll manage it, my taste buds won't know the difference.

Oya Smile!

God knew that i needed something to make me smile. Thank God for God.

Before i go into my gist of the day, i want to say a heartfelt thanks for all the WONDERFULOUS people who left a comment on my previous post. It's really ironic how life works sometimes. I had just done a post about lighting a candle for people who have passed, only for me to hear of my cousin's passing the next day. She actually died on her birthday. She had ovarian cancer. Cancer is a bitch!!! Her passing has caused my family to take a step back and re-evaluate the way we are to each other. I lost another cousin last year to sickle cell anemia and i still haven't been able to delete her number from my phone. I think if i did that it would mean that she's actually gone and since i'm the queen of denial, i'll just keep pretending. Hey, don't mind me, i have her obituary on my wall so i know she's gone but i can't just delete her number. Too final.

So back to my gist. After 2 LONG, sometimes painful, sometimes annoying, sometimes misery evoking, sometimes stinky breath inducing years of being a brace face, i am now braces freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Yayyy!!!!!! I am excited. It was a freaking surprise too. I get there, after the usual removal of wire and brushing of teeth, the orthodonist sits down and takes a look at my teeth, then i heard the magic words......... well, to be honest i can't remember his exact words cos i didn't want to believe my ears. So i ask him if i was getting my braces taken off today and he said yes. HEY (Shout it with me)!!!!! All the spirits in my head threw owambe party (no, i no be winch no worry). I was so excited. Then they gave me a bag of candy and some balloons tied to a water bottle. After paying over $6000 na that one they fit give person, nonsense and ingredients! I didn't get why they would give me a bag of different types of candy (my teeth never rotten reach) until the lady said, it's all the stuff u haven't been able to eat in 2 years. Well, i looked in the bag and i have been eating Twix for the last 2 yrs oh, i no go lie. Nothing can keep me away from my Twix and i have eaten some Starbursts. Nobody said u had to chew it.

I'm happy sha!!! Besides i got $100 from my pops to get some MCAT practice tests online. I'm a perpetual broke ass, so any free money is highly welcome. So the smile has been restored to this face. Whether i like it or not, i have to show off this $6150 smile. Na by force oh! There's more gist but i have this angry headache that is demanding attention. There's the f...k buddy update (una go laugh, i no do anything oh!) and the Gambian dude i just met who decided that i was a commodity to be purchased (dem dey see like that (it happens)). Will be back. Peace people.

P.S. How in God's name will you people know if i happened to die tomorrow? Just a thot that just went through my head. Well, i'll never abandon my blog abruptly so if i stop blogging without saying anything for a LONNNNNNNNGGGGGGG time, know say i don kpeme (die)! Muah!

I just heard this morning that my cousin passed away yesterday. Another bad news to mess me up. I've always been aware of the philosophy that life's too short and i try (keyword try) to remember that whenever i start stressing too much, but the events of this week has made me all too aware that i have to quit sweating the small stuff. My mom's stress, work issues, MCAT issues, hair issues, weight issues, friends issues, i'm just done. I can't do this anymore. What's the point?

Light a Candle

"Dust to Dust"
"Ashes to Ashes"

If u guessed thats where i got my blog title from, u guessed right. I figured life is too short, we need to stop the madness and enjoy it as much as we can. Easy to say, hard to do, but try!

I have not made my peace with death. Until i'm comfortable with the knowledge that everyone dies and until i stop being scared of dying i have not made my peace with death. Death! It took me a long while to wrap my head around the concept of dying. I understood what it meant to die, but i couldn't understand why, how. It was too final for me to accept. Then i got to a point in my life when i really wanted to die. I would pray to sleep and not wake up. Maybe i was too chicken to kill myself, or maybe i didn't want to die bad enough but back then, i wasn't afraid of death. I wanted it. I was done with the struggles of this world. Things changed, my depression lifted and i wanted to be a part of the living and that's when i started to fear death and dying.

I think about when/how i'm going to die. Am i going to live to a ripe old age or am i going to die young. I guess only time will tell. I would rather not die in an accident or by a long illness that would rid me of my independence and pride b4 it kills me.

So i wake up to a missed call yesterday morning from someone who would never ever call me by that time. I sent him a text asking what's up, and he tells me he needs my help finding a ticket to my city cos his friend who leaves there is about to pass. Not wanting to believe what i was reading, i asked him if she was about to die and he said yes, she was in the ICU. I met his friend in January when she first moved to my state. She told me to get her number from my friend cos she didn't know anyone here, but he refused to give me her number saying that i didn't want her to be my friend cos she was always sick. I didn't push it, now i wish i did. She had sickle cell anemia. Around 3pm yesterday, he sent me another text telling me that she had passed away. She was 25.

Then today, i was shocked beyond belief to learn that one of my classmates in college had died less than a month ago from a car accident. I wasn't prepared for that news at all. Her tire had burst on her way back from work and she hit a pole. I can't still believe it. The last time i saw her was in july last year and she was studying for the MCAT. She asked me how i managed to do so well in verbal reasoning cos that was the only area she was having trouble with. She had already graduated by then and her exam was like a week away. I never saw her again. We weren't close friends or anything, but she was one of those pple i would always talk to whenever i see her a.k.a hi-hello friend. To say that i am unaffected by her death would be a lie. I'm shocked and i keep seeing her face in my mind. She was 21 yrs old. The news just messed up my whole day. She was Nigerian also.

Got me thinking of all the pple whom i know/knew that have passed away, like E. E. who was like a big brother to me and my siblings. He started teaching me how to drive when i was 15, he was the only one to ever call me princess and he was the first person to tell me to quit mean mugging cos i had a beautiful smile. I still can't believe he's gone or O. E., i still remember ur gentleness, and ur cream fluffy sweater that you didn't have to touch to know how soft it was. I was sad when i heard that u had sickle cell anemia, and was sadder to learn that you had passed away cos i had just sung ur praises 2 days b4 i found out, not knowing that was the day you were being buried.

I'm going to light a candle for all the people who touched my life in one way or the other and have passed on. May your souls rest in peace and may your memories live on in the hearts of those you loved and who loved you. To live in the hearts of those you love is not to die. Peace.

• O. E
• G. B.
• E. P. O.
• E. A.
• E. E.
• E. O.
• A. S
• R. A
• O. U
  

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Thanks for all the comments regarding my issue with my mom. I guess i should have said she makes me feel like i'm such a horrible person. i wish it was as easy as communicating better, but with my mom, anything and everything you say will be used against you. She just has the capacity to made me feel so bad about myself. Throughout my teenage years i genuinely believed that she disliked me. I don't know if anyone can imagine the impact that has had on my life. It has totally influenced how i see myself and how i used to allow people to treat me and the situations i got myself into. Therapy helped me a lot to deal with some of those issues. I know now that she loves me and i shouldn't take everything she does personal cos she has her own issues that have never been resolved. We get along better these days mostly becos i try not to do anything or say anything to get on her bad side. It's really stressful at times cos it's always like i have to have my guard up all the time cos i'm walking on egg shells. Anyway, that's that. I'm over it for now.

P.S. How does one go about acquiring a f...k buddy? I know u think i'm random, but if u know what's been going on in my head it's not so random. LOL. I'm such a foolish person. Anyhoo... there's this guy who was asking me out last yr but i am older that him so i said no sharp sharp. Besides, he wasn't cute enough for my standards so there was no need to be making those kinds of exceptions. Yes i'm superficial, bite me (but not too hard). Time passed, we fought, i cussed him out, we stopped speaking, he called me, we started speaking and we've been cool. He was the only one who came with my for my honors awards ceremony. We hung out yesterday and every time i looked at his large hands, i keep thinking of the size of his blingy blingy. Am i ok? I still don't want him to be my boyfriend but .......

...............

My relationship with my mom sucks majorly. I think everything is going okay and then i'm suddenly blindsided with some crap. I never cease to be amazed at the depths of her mind and not in a good way. I really wish i was going away to med school this year cos i've had enough. I don tire. She's one of the major reason why i hated myself for so long. I'm just not good enough. I'm such a horrible person.

This, that and the third

Hmmm.................. Where do i start from? Matter don hard. 5 weeks to my exam and i have started talking to myself. This is either the beginning of great genius or the first sign of madness. Take your pick. I pick madness. I am starting to scare even myself.

Makes me remember when i was little and my older sisters just left for the States. My mom has a HUGE gap between her kids. I had earlier thot she couldn't have more kids, but i just found out very recently that my dad didn't really want more (long story). Anyway, back to the gist at hand. When my sisters left, my mom was basically left with little kids and no one to talk to. She has never been the type to have close friends. I remember in the evening when we would be in the living room, i would watch her and she would be talking to herself. I asked her on numerous occasions and she would say she was just thinking aloud. I couldn't fathom why she couldn't just think in her mind like everyone else. Well, now i know. It's STRESS!!!!!

My people, i wan die. I'm haunted by the thot of this exam, morning, night and noon. This is me that is never scared of exam but this exam don show me pepper b4. Fear don dey catch me. I can't fail it again oh. To make matters worse, i can't complain to anyone cos they all think i'm too smart and brush me off without listening. I have never bought into the idea of being "smart", trust me i know myself and i don't feel smart. I mean, i'm not dumb or anything but i'm so pissed that nobody will listen to me. So i have resorted to talking to myself.

It was not a conscious decision. I was studying one day and the next time i heard myself say is "nothing good comes easy". Ok, no problem.
"You can do it, this exam will not defeat you"
"This is a challenge, you must fight to the finish".
"If that idiot can do it, then u can" (I bet u want to know who the idiot is?)

Fear catch me. First of all, when did i start sounding like my mother. WTH..... I think i'm slowly going crazy cos it's getting worse with each day. (bad english alert) Me that has not stepped inside a church since 2003 has suddenly become religious
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me".
I had to laugh when i heard myself say that. I'm such a hypocrite. Thank heavens God is not a man, he for cuss me after i have abandoned him for almost 5yrs, now MCAT time, i'm quoting bible verses.

Seriously, what in the world is going on with all these pple that are trying to talk to me in the library? I just want to study. If they were cute now, i would not be upset. All the foine guys go see me waka pass, the ones wey no fine go carry their sugarcane legs come talk to me. It's not funny any more. The one i met today is not ugly but he's not cute the way i like them. He was really very nice though. I smell a playa! Trust me, my sense of smell is that advanced (these days). He's from Gambia and said he has never dated an African for the 5yrs he's been here. That's craziness i tell ya. To consciously reject ur own race. Anyway, i'm not attracted to him which is a pity cos if he was cute and i was looking for a f...k buddy, he would have been perfect. I'm just saying!!!!! I'm so hung up on looks it's not even funny anymore.

BTW, he is the second guy this week that is paying me a backhanded compliment. The first dude who is half Nigerian works in my lab. He was walking me somewhere when we saw an African lady. He was like she's African right? I'm like yeah. He said he could usually tell. I didn't think he meant it in a bad way cos i can usually tell when i see my beautiful Nigerian people. That is, until he said "you don't look like an African". I was like "what do u mean by that?" cos i been don dey vex. Then he said "cos you are very pretty" I was like What?!!! Then he went on to say i don't look African esp when i smile cos most Africans mean mug. I am not a smiler oh. I'm a bonafide mean mugger which my friends always complain about esp the guys cos they love my smile (for whatever reason). The boy don craze finish and he thot he was paying me a compliment. Nonsense and ingredients.

Then today, my "new" Gambian friend told me i don't look African cos i look fresh and my face is all smooth (he must be suffering from night blindness). I was like what are u talking about. He said, well u don't look like me. You are not black (he's really dark), just look at ur skin blah blah blah. I'm not light skinned in any way, shape or form so i have no idea what he was talking about. These guys better come up with better compliments cos me not looking African is not a compliment. Something dey do the 2 of them. Are they blind or they must have been living in dark caves not to have see the ton of gorgeous african pple out there. I think they were just trying to flatter me.

OHhhhhh....... this reminds me. I bet you guys have heard of Van Viker, the hot, cute, foiinnnnnneeeee Ghanaian actor. Christ in heaven. Pity he's married. It's hard for me to fantasize about a married man. This is the best picture i could find of him, which is such a shame considering how hot he is. I generally prefer dark skinned guys but i'll make an exception for him.

Just because i love you guys 2

I shared my newly discovered love for D'banj here, a few weeks ago.

My all time favorite show is Will and Grace and i was heartbroken when the show ended (I still am, thank God for reruns on life time). That's the only show i don't mind seeing each episode over and over again. It never gets old, it is funny as heck. I love Jack McFarland (Sean Hayes) as much as i would ever love any TV character. He is too freaking funny. Besides the fact that i think it is a crazy funny show, i love that show because it helped me get through what was a very difficult time in my life.

I had just come here from Nigeria and I felt uprooted and out of place. The initial plan was for us to come visit and then go back to Nigeria. I was already in a University back home, i had tons of friends and was in fact a regular ol' popular jingo. There was nothing about my life at that point that would make me want to leave it and come start over again in some foreign country. I never believed the hype about America and i was right. My mother was lucky that i wasn't aware that i would have to work and go to school at the same time. They would have had to drag me (sedated) on that plane. Which kind suffer be that?! Unfortunately, at that time the universities were always going on strike. I spent 2 yrs trying to complete freshman year because we would go to school for 3 months and then go on strike for 6 months. Right as i was about to start my second yr, we got the visa to come here and my mother decided at the very last minute that we would all stay here and go to school. I wasn't happy at all but i didn't have a choice. My father had told me to pick btw staying in Nigeria and getting into med school there or coming over here. Unlike America, u don't have to get a Bachelors b4 getting in med school. I was already set to transfer to med school, so of course i picked i wanted to stay back. My mother wasn't having any of that. Nonsense, i would have become a Doctor this year. Anyway, I didn't even get to say bye to a lot of my friends. For the first 2 yrs i was here, i hated every minute of it and that is not an exaggeration. From the freaking cold weather, to the food/fruit that never tasted right, to the incredibly nosy people, i hated it all. I wanted to go back to where my friends were.

For the first time in my life, i suddenly had an accent. WTF?!!! I say something and pple would go huh??!!! Like they can't open their mouth and say excuse me or something. I hated everything about this place. Everything was different. Sometimes i would get so irritated just hearing the american accent all around me. To make matters worse, i had to adjust to living with my stepmother. That wasn't fun. I went from never having lived with anyone besides my mother straight to a passive-aggressive petty stepmother. My mother was(is) so overprotective she never ever let us go spend a holiday or anything like that with relatives, so adjusting to living with my new family, half sisters included was a little bit of a challenge.

The ONLY thing that got me through those first two years was Will and Grace. I kid you not! Usually i went to school at 8am, and would stay in school as long as possible on the days i wasn't working cos i didn't want to go home cos i felt so uncomfortable in that house. All i looked forward to was the reruns of Will and Grace at 11pm everyday, and the new episodes they showed at 9pm on Tuesdays (it's been a while, but i can still remember). My dad was nice enough to get me a TV for my room and watching Will and Grace was the only time you would ever catch me laughing for those first two yrs. I slept at lot too. I found out later when i took a psychology of adjustment class that sleeping is a coping mechanism a lot of people use when they are depressed. I still do that till today, but never as much as back then. It was almost like if i was asleep then i wouldn't have to be a part of my messed up situation, so i slept my days away. I would sleep in class, in the library, on the days i didn't have to go school i would sleep until 3pm. It was almost like i didn't want to take part in being alive.

I don't know when or how it happened but i woke up one day and i discovered i no longer hated being here. I guess i had unconsciously adapted and accepted my fate. Yes, fate!!! Now when i tell my friends that i can't imagine living in Nigeria anymore, they can't believe it's the same person who declared to everyone and anyone who would listen that she hated being in America. One of my friends teased me about it 2 days ago. What can i say, i adjusted.

Bottom line is Will and Grace helped me maintain my sanity and guaranteed that no matter how bad my day was i would definitely laugh for 30 mins everyday starting from 11-11.30pm.

Hope you enjoy this clip as much as i did.

P.S Here's my favorite newly discovered blogger cheekybum.

See how nice I am...... I share all my favorite things with u guys. Now thank me. Hold it!!!!! Not just verbal thanks, i accept cash and kind. You can come scratch my back or since it's getting so hot in the A, someone can fan me. Yes, i know we have AC's and electric fans here but i prefer the good old fashioned hand fanning. The one our mothers and older siblings used to make us do whenever NEPA would strike back in the day. Eh hen, oya line up and start fanning me.

BTW, someone pls ask me what i'm doing awake by 4am with a massive headache BLOGGING!!! It's called caffeinated energy drink, i tell ya!

Geezzzzzzzzzzz

Some people are just plain rude and inconsiderate. What does QUIET mean to u? It means shut ur goddamn trap! If you can't do that and feel u have to use ur flapper, at least be considerate of other people.... Geez! Is that too much to ask?

God is a good God! He knew exactly what he was doing when he didn't give me supernatural powers or at least i did not manage to become a witch like my mother threatened if i ate other people's food back when i was little. Because God knows there would be a lot of people dropping dead, failing tests and getting spiritually bitch slapped........... all courtesy of me!!

What is the use of the evil eye if it's not going to do anything to the recipient of the said evil eye?I want to give someone the evil eye and have them feel this horrible pain in their gut and the intense desire to fart that they would just shut the hell up!

What's the use of giving someone the stink eye without an actual stench coming from it? I long for the power to produce a stench that would drive all those loud mouths at the library away from me. Farting is all well and good but its effects are temporary so that would not work. Besides, those blabbermouths would rather sit through the stench because they know its temporary rather than move anyway. Idiots!!!!

God pls grant me powers....... I need it NOWWWWWWWWWWWW..................

Men and Sex

As a female, i have always wondered what men feel as they have sex. Given the differences between the male and female anatomies I assume we don't experience the same physical sensations or whatever u want to call it. I have asked a couple of guys and frankly i have never been able to get a coherent answer. Maybe it's too (insert whatever u feel like here) to describe in words.

I'm guessing it must feel so ridiculously out of this world good that's why a man would sleep with his own daughter and try to ruin her life in the process.

If it doesn't feel like crack induced euphoria, someone please explain to me why a man would fuck his housemaid under his wife's nose, disrespecting their home and the sanctity of marriage!

It must feel pretty damn good to make a man leave all the other women in this world and decide to have sex with his wife/girl's best friend, or maybe he's just an equal opportunity fucker!

All men Cheat!!!

Talk about cynicism. I don't buy that statement for one second. There's too many men in this world for that to be true. Yet a lot of beautiful woman accept that as fact, and sit at home with a stiff upper lip while their men go around fucking the entire female population of whatever city they live in. I'm too smart to buy into that bullshit. Better go buy an iron sheath to lock ur penis in unless you would wake up one morning and it would be gone.

Seriously, what is it about sex that makes men risk their losing their lives as they know it. Look at Kobe Bryant.... How embarrassed he must have been been and i bet she wasn't the first too. He can't be that unlucky that he would get caught the first time he cheated. How about good ol' Bill Clinton. Awesome president who couldn't control his wiener. Sad!


Sex is overrated!

Nah, it's not. It is very well rated, thank you very much! But i don't see how it would make me lose my common sense like a lot of men seem to lose theirs.