Chei

Today, I was just minding my business o, walking past a Nursing station when a PA loudly asked
"Do you guys think NaijaScorpio's hair is real?" I slowed down and responded "Maybe it is, maybe it isn't" and he said "It's so shiny". I was like "hey, you can never tell with a black woman's hair" and kept walking away. There were at least 5 people in that nursing station, all white of course. I walked to my computer and was trying to make sense of what just happened. Was i embarrassed or offended? Should i make it a thing or just overlook it? I really didn't know what to make of it. Then the guy who is actually really nice and friendly, actually comes over to meet me and was like "Is it really your hair?" And touches my hair!!!! He's like "is it how it naturally is?"

Mind you, I wear a wig! It's a short wig which looks pretty much how my hair was before i stopped perming it. I actually have been dealing with alopecia since 2012, which is why i shave my head from time to time. But i am not about to be telling this Man this in freaking public. So i tell him, i have a perm. He's like why didn't you tell me, it's genetics and this is naturally how your hair is?" Then he's like, so is your hair really curly and i said yes, really tight curls. He's like you should wear it like that. Then he's like, don't mind me, this is just hair envy, while pointing to his bald head.

While i decided not to be offended (what's the point?), this dude was freaking offensive and oblivious to life! My wig is short and nothing out of the ordinary. I swear it looks exactly like my permed hair which was "shiny" after i got a perm. If I wasn't BLACK, would he question for a second if that was my real hair? Loudly, in front of people. Chei, I've suffered. Before my hair started falling out (thanks med school), I never wore a weave or wig and hardly braided my hair. I went to the hair salon every 4-6 weeks, wrapped my hair every night and loved it.

But regardless, even if this was my first choice, why is it okay for some white man to question the authenticity of my hair so comfortably. He is so lucky that not only have I mellowed out, It was in a professional setting. I've gotten so used to being the only black person around in most settings, I don't remember I'm the only black person, until shit like this happens. I worked 10 hours today and was in the hospital for a total of 12 hours (the last 2 hours spent gisting ) and I only saw 3 other black people the entire time. 2 were cleaners and one was a patient, just to give you an idea of how "diverse" this city is.

It's okay, Wig, we will be fine. Forget the rude man. In my past life, I probably would have slapped him when he came and TOUCHED my hair.

Community

I'm on call tonight. I can never sleep when i'm on call and my post call day is always a wasted day. My mood is just mehhh.... I finally finished all my clinic notes. I had one still left over from 2 weeks ago (real bad joe jackson) and had only done 2 from this week. It feels good to be done with notes and inbasket messages. One of my patients has almost driven me to drink. I swear down. Deep breaths.....

I feel generally uneasy right now. Life is just blah. Hopefully I can get in with zee therapist sometime soon. I hadn't wanted to have to make the drive to see him, but i think i need to. I have to get the mind polished. Med school did this to me. Sighhhhh...... Anxiety and depression. None of them are angry right now, but the depression seems to be mildly irritated, so i have to take care of it.

I didn't get the magnitude of what was going on with Sugabelly's story until last night when i was on Stella, then BellaNaija. I've been blogging since 2007 and have read Sugabelly's blog since 2007 or 2008. This story is not new to me or anyone who has been reading Sugabelly's blog. The fact that it has turned into this scandal right now is because the wicked do not go unpunished and Karma was waiting for the right time to strike. It's just unfortunate that she has to deal with this with the whole naija watching.

One of the things that stuck out to me was the dude saying Sugabelly was a blogger with a failing blog or a blog that wasn't doing well (i don't remember his exact words)and was doing this for the attention. I laughed. Sugabelly is one of the last few old time naija bloggers who still blog. I don't think she qualifies as a "blogger" in that sense which to most Naija people mean  a gossip, entertainment, news blogger a la Linda Ikeji. This is one of the main reasons I chose not to monetize my blog and go in that direction. This is just my space in the internet for me to do as i please. I don't ever want to be bothered about traffic, content, audience and what not. I'm not here for that. Although, I have been referred to as a failed blogger by an Ignoramus on a certain blog that shall remain nameless. Not everyone who blogs is looking for money or fame. This is just an outlet for me to share my thoughts.

 At a time like this, I really miss no longer having that community of naija bloggers who blogged to connect and look for each other because that is what Sugabelly needs right now. I am so concerned about her well being. Behind the screen is a real human being and I am very worried about her. Yes, I have reached out to her but I'm just one person. She needs to be enveloped in love and support right now, because this can't be easy for her. This is not what anyone would want the whole Nigeria to know her for.At least before, she was just Sugabelly, now her legal name is out for the world to see. Anonymity completely blown. Even the strongest person would be affected by this.  You all know how judgmental we can be, although i have been encouraged by comments on Bellanaija and Stella. Fear no let me go Nairaland, I can only expect a shit show over there. Madam Linda Ikeji has been noticeably silent on this issue. I don't have power to talk about that ones matter right now.

Put aside your judgement and remember you are dealing with a human being. As for me, I make no judgments, we all have our shit, some people are just better at hiding it than others. I pray that Sugabelly is able to rise above this and become the person she was put on this earth to be. This is one of the instances in which it helps to say "everything happens for a reason". Don't let life break you, don't let them win.

LOL moment

I am currently watching a movie on irokotv Stellar, and this dude wants to date a lady and she said

"..... I'm older than you". He's like, "says who? Besides it's 2015, people are having gender reassignment surgery and you are here talking about age".

I just about died with laughter. That was so funny to me.

My people, i'm not sure what is worrying me o! Whether it's SAD or my enemies in the village, I had a meltdown in clinic yesterday. I've not really been sleeping for almost 2 weeks now, because I can't seem to leave my patients at work. I carry them home with me (mentally) and i'm constantly ruminating about things especially regarding a certain patient. I had clinic all day yesterday, I got there on time. We usually have patient care conference before clinic starts at 9am, but I just couldn't imagine making it through the day without speaking to someone. I was at the point of welling up with tears intermittently out of the blue.

In our clinic, we have a switchboard which we press when we get to clinic, and your name lights up so everyone knows who is available. I saw that our PD was around, so instead of going into the clinic, i went downstairs to the admin offices. I didn't see him in his office and everywhere was pretty much empty as it was still very early. As i was going back upstairs, I saw one of the ladies in who works in the program office, the same lady I have cried to in the past, and she was like, you look so pretty. I just shook my head and couldn't even talk cos i felt like crying.

Long story short, she asked me into her office, i used half of the kleenex in the box, she stepped out, came back, then another lady came in to tell me they had assigned my morning patients to another resident. I was like what..... They said it's okay, you are family, we need you to be okay.  When my PD got out of his meeting, he asked to see me, said he would be honored to talk to me. I went to see him and we talked about my issues and he gave me a lot of helpful suggestions on how to cope with the things that were bothering me, including how to deal with certain types of patients. I shared my concern about not wanting to be seen as been incapable of handling my stuff and he said it actually looks better if  i ask for help when i need it.

I was just like wow! I couldn't have ended up in a better residency program. I ranked 19 programs, and this was my first choice, not because it's a top-shot prestigious academic program which it is not or it was the "best" ranked program, which is it also not, or it was close to home, which it is DEFINITELY not, but because it was the best program that i interviewed in for me. I was drawn to how committed they were(seemed) to their resident's wellbeing, the obvious warmth of the faculty and staff and I got that "feeling" they tell you to look out for when interviewing. The feeling of "this is my place, I will fit in here, I could be happy here". It's from the gut and sometimes it's difficult to explain to someone else.

I changed my rank list, multiple times, but i never changed my first choice. I had some buyer's remorse after i matched there (LOL, human beings) but it appears I made the right choice for me. Everyone is so chill and nice. I told my PD weeks ago, that our call room at a certain hospital needs Jesus aka a makeover and he told me to come up with a proposal with all the things we would like, check to make sure other residents are on board and he will submit the proposal to the CEO of the hospital.  I've also lobbied for our white coats to be dry cleaned when we are on the medicine service and he is working on that.  After crying in his office, i left with one of his stethoscopes. LOL. I borrowed it cos mine has been missing for a month. They are that approachable or maybe I need to be more afraid of people. I don't know.

I'm definitely getting my happy light and follow my PD's suggestion of writing more....in my journal because like i have mentioned, I can't write about patients online. He asked me if i still blogged, i said not as often, so that's something i can work on, hence this post (i guess).  I think it will give me a much needed outlet. I blogged a lot in med school without blogging about med school, so i can blog without blogging about work.

All i'm asking from you guys is to be present. Be present, ladies and gentlemen and don't let me use my EDO powers on you. LOL.

Back to my movie, Stellar, then it's The Duplex afterwards.  My sister said it's really good. It seemed like a horror movie so i didn't want to watch it, but she said it's not.

ETA: I watched 24:22 mins of The Duplex and I'm done! It seems like a horror movie! My lying ass sister. She gave me the impression that the dude was being pranked by his wife. Lies!!!

Age

How old would you be, if you didn't know how old you are?

I don't feel like my age at all. 

It doesn't help that i don't look my age

PLUS

I was a professional student

and i continue to be a student of sorts. 

But at the end of the day,

Age is really just a number. 

You are as old as you feel. 

Although what would your physical exam read

 Looks stated age, appears older than stated age or 

appears younger than stated age

I have seen some patients in their late 90s look

at least 20 years younger. 

No lie. 

More often than not, 

It is appears older than stated age

Take care of your body, 

don't smoke, drink excessively, stay out of the sun, 

don't do drugs, take preventive care serious, be physically active, 

eat a healthy diet , stay hydrated

and

keep your fingers crossed

and hopefully, your body will serve you well in your old age. 

On a different note, 

I had the worst clinic day in the history of residency. 

I never thought i could lose empathy and get fed up of/with a patient

Sigh................

Massages

 Awake at 2:11 am, thanks to secondary insomnia. It was cold in my apartment when i got back from work yesterday, so i cranked up the heat to almost 80. Due to the fact that i haven't seen the Sun in over a week,  I'm starting to act all SADish (seasonal affective disorder), so these days i've been going to bed early even though i have TONS of work that's overdue. After having a mini meltdown over nothing, I took myself to bed and woke up at 11:30pm, pretty much boiling under my blanket. I turned down my heat to 70, opened my window and almost 3 hours later my eyes are still shining. I have a full day of clinic tomorrow, so I figured i should be a responsible human being for once in my life and actually prep for clinic. I've been getting by so far without prepping, but i'm starting to get some complicated patients tthat give me a headache even when i'm not at work and with a full schedule, I run the risk of running behind if I don't have my act together. I can't complain sha cos there's never a boring day. 

Within the last 10 days, I have gotten 2 massages on my head and neck, free of charge. The first was from one of the lab ladies in clinic and the second was from my dentist. Apparently, all you need to do is have a severe tooth infection needing an emergency root canal. I went to the lab last week to ask if they had a heating pad as i was about to pass out from my tooth pain, someone not only gave me her heating pad, one of the ladies went downstairs to heat it up for me, while another one asked me to sit down and massaged my neck and jaw which would have been heavenly if i wasn't in so much pain but it was so helpful. I ended up having to leave clinic to get a root canal after one of the program coordinators pretty much strong armed the dentist's office into seeing me not only that day, but right away. The dentist and his staff were so nice. I have been very lucky with the people down here.

So i went back yesterday to have the permanent filling done   (i didn't need a crown since i already have a bridge over that tooth) and my jaw was killing me. I was having more pain from jaw than from the tooth that was being worked on. This awesome dentist felt my jaw and saw it was inflamed and gave me an amazing jaw massage. I was like, I'm telling everyone to come here, this is the best service ever.  LOL. He's like i don't do this for everyone. There was nothing skeevy about the jaw massage, btw. He had two assistants in the room and it was totally appropriate or at least I didn't get any weird vibes from it. I was like all i need to do from now on is have issues with my teeth to get massages and he's like no, just pretend. LOL. But teeth pain is a biatch! I didn't sleep for 2 nights. I have never been in so much pain in my life. I contemplated going to the ER at one point during night 2. The next morning (which was the day i ended up getting the root canal), I was crying as i was driving to go to work. The pain was brutal, radiating up to my temple, towards my ear and down my jaw. My village people really mean me, this time.

I need to go look for the HappyLight on amazon and send the link to the lucky recipient of my last out of the blue, non-PMS meltdown to get it for me PLUS flowers and he didn't even do anything (at least not recently). In case you are wondering, no, he's not a potential horseband, he's just the Mr. Big to my Carrie (as someone likes to call him). I'm still single and currently tired of human beings in general. Everyone needs massive loads of Jesus. I can't even imagine meeting someone new and trying to date them, that requires the kind of power I don't have right now.


I dey go sleep. After i have shared my life finish, all you day time witches and wizards who read this blog will just waka pass as if i'm talking to myself. Mschewwwwwwwww....................

BTW, don't think i didn't notice most of you decided to pocket my "Happy Birthday", only 7 human beings wished me a happy birthday on this blog. What have i not seen in this life? To wish me happy birthday, una no fit. Dem don dey sell am for market abi wetin?  Imagine if i start asking for gifts, you people will take the post and stone me abi? I would say the usual it is well, but na lie! All of you, possess zero fear of God! Common happy birthday....

On that note, I bid you good day.!!!! I don vex. Make una contunue. I will deal with you people later.

I love you too! 

Bye!

Not Balling

Segun Pryme is a bone in my throat, walahi....Always harassing me about one thing or the other. Yesterday, It was how I haven't responded to the comments on my last post wishing me Happy Birthday. Please take time out and look at those comments to see if he left one. Anyway, thank you to everyone who took the time and effort to leave a comment wishing me a happy birthday. I really appreciate it. It was the best birthday I have had in a long, long, long time because i was able to spend it with family. I ended up having a kids party, because why not?

It really was an excuse to have a party for my nieces and we had a lot of fun. They had the magic candles on my cake to blow out to their heart's content. Every birthday, someone ends up crying because the other blew out their birthday candle. Apparently, there are candles that reignite after they are blown out and it takes multiple attempts to completely blow them out. The kids really had fun with that.It was a hello kitty and dora party AKA I used the decorations they already had at home. I got my favorite cheesecake (because my lazy ass did not order the cake on time), there was a pinata which the kids had fun trying to break open, that thing was hella strong and there was nigerian music of course. It really was a small family thing but everyone was happy and had fun and that made me happy.

Going back to my last post and the bone in my throat called Segun Pryme, I guess saying i'm no longer broke can be interpreted as me saying i'm now a baller. I laugh in Japanese. Abeg, let me clarify.....I'm no longer broke, means exactly what you read. I'm no longer broke. I'm a resident so i'm not making doctor money and rolling in dough. But when you come from having to survive on so little for 6 months at a time to getting paid EVERY MONTH, no matter how small, that's a huge deal. I cannot emphasize how broke i was in med school, but from July 2014 - July 2015 was the worst because I not only got less funds, I had to make it work for not only living expenses but also interviewing cost, hence by brief foray into professional driving (I drove to a lot of my interviews, the longest being 6.5 hours which turned into an 8 hr drive back thanks to being stuck in traffic in a particular city that shall forever remain nameless. Sheesh! ).

The struggle was real sha. Buying groceries stopped being a thing, although my fridge is almost always empty anyway regardless of the state of my wallet. I became very friendly with Great Value Walmart brand,except for their cornflakes. Since i still had use for my teeth, I refrained from buying that again. I'm one of those people who can eat the same thing for a week and be okay. As long as i had some stew, beans and sometimes plantain, I was good to go. I just needed to be able to pay my rent and bills and the rest took care of itself. I ditched my line and joined my sister's phone plan. So i didn't have to pay a phone bill anymore which was so helpful. I had finished paying off my car last year so that was one less major bill to worry about. My credit card debt increased exponentially, the highest it has ever been, because i was spending more and only paying the minimum payment. But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I had some lucky breaks along the way. Getting reimbursed by the state for interviewing at a certain number of programs, my ceiling collapsing and not having to pay rent in June (I could have sued the landlord for a lot more, but I don't go chasing after stress), friends who took me grocery shopping multiple times or who got me stuff whenever they went grocery shopping,  getting some money after my sister got her tax return  etc etc etc etc

My residency program did not help matters. We started orientation June 10th, but did not get paid until July 31st. That was a platinum level of brokeness at that point. It was unbelievable. Thank God for credit cards sha. To go from all of that, to getting paid regularly is simply awesome. So instead of being a "baller", it simply means I no longer have to worry about paying rent, bills or getting groceries. I can now start paying off my credit card debt and not only that, my parents get paid when i get paid. It's really just a small token but it makes me happy to be able to do that.

 I'm completely ignoring my med school loans until next year. Thankfully, I have very good prospects for being able to pay them off.

So no oga Segun, I'm not balling o. I'm just thankful.


When he is not harrassing my life, Oga Segun Pryme is a devoted husband, father, seasoned comedian (not just on IG :) and event MC. Check him out on IG, Youtube and Facebook @segunpryme

He also blogs at Infonubia.com

Come ooooo.....Segun, e be like say you eat small winch, cos when i started this post i had no intention of promoting you like this, but i'm proud of your accomplishments. Let it be known before you become world famous, that i knew you when you had less than 100 IG followers, now you are at almost 8000. Watch out world.......