Cuteness

My niece, her Granmama and her Terry

The essence of African motherhood

I have never seen two people as close as my niece and my mom. My niece is so attached to my mom, it is crazy. Every other word out of her mouth is, "My granmama". It's an experience whenever my mom goes to work because she spends every second asking for her. Even when my mom is home, as long as she's not within her line of vision, she starts asking for her. It's such a beautiful bond. I love it.

I've decided to stop feeling cool with myself and make new year resolutions. I can't remember the last time i made one because it's supposed to so cliche, but i want to make one this year. The good things 90% of the things on my list are things i already started working on. I don't feel the need to wait until XYZ time to start doing the things i need to do. I remember a co-worker who wanted to go on a diet, eating all kinds of crap before the day she was supposed to start. In my mind, i was like why don't you start today? I'm just going to work it in with the assignment from my therapist friend.

I wanted to end the year with a positive post, not the gloomy one from yesterday, hence this post. I also plan to put up a post tomorrow, but have no clue what it's going to be about at this point. Hope you guys are enjoying the frequent updates because i don't plan to update as frequently as i have been in the past once i go back to school. I'm trying to see if i can get on a schedule once i go back, which includes exercise instead of staring at a computer and books all day, everyday. I know exercise is great for your mental health and it might be a great addition to my life at this point.

So am i going to be the only uncool person making new year resolutions or does anyone want to do the cliche thing with me?

I'm really excited that today is the last day of the year. God is great. I'm so thankful. 

Interesting read about resolutions

Eze did not Sign up for this when he went to School

Med school and all thoughts of it stresses me out. I can't even freaking enjoy my holiday.  I'm not loving my life right now.

I need to vent but i don't want to but i guess i will since i'm already here. I spent all day studying and texting (story for another blog). It's not necessarily hard core studying, I got uworld and i'm using it to annotate First Aid by answering the questions. After finally finishing one block of tests and going over the explanations, i realized that there's literally one day left in 2011. The year went by fast and i love it but then i started thinking of what i did with my year - school and how much of a struggle it was.

It was hard. I study so hard,  yet struggle so much. I'm stressed all the time, there's no fun in my life (or not a lot), i'm surprised i don't have high blood pressure (not kidding, anytime i go to the doctor and my bp is normal, i am actually surprised), i'm miserable half the time i'm in school, i feel like we are being hazed with the volume of work we have to do in the amount of time we are given. I experienced my first anxiety attack this semester (then had a couple more for good measure), i had mini-mental breakdowns, which usually involved uncontrollable crying. I went from seeming like i had it together, to facing reality and freaking out all within a minute. Imagine sitting and studying one minute then bursting out crying like your life is about to be over the next, that my friends is what freaking out is about. Reality hits you from no where and you realise that there's no way you can read and remember over a thousand pages of micro in less then 48 hours with 1/4 of the stuff being new material you just saw for the first time less than a week ago. Finals week was hell on earth, absolute hell on earth! It was just horrible. I looked at all the work i had to do and how much time i had and knew that it wasn't humanly possible. I hated the whole semester with the constant exam writing. I really, really, really, hated it. 

Next semester is going to be tougher. Welcome Pharmacology, the only exam in my school where you actually have essay style questions 15 pages long (bye bye guessing and recognition memory) with the final being cumulative and 30 pages long PLUS the almighty Step 1 which more or less determines what specialty you can match into. Stress served on a platter. My future medical career pretty much rests on this Step 1 exam. It is that big of a deal. I have no clue how i am going to find time to fit board studying with school stuff. We (being just me) have already respected ourselves and decided that i am not a genius and  cannot wait until the allotted 6 weeks to start studying specifically for the boards because that would equal failure. Already from doing uworld i can see how much my test taking skills suck. Half the time i know the right answer but don't trust myself enough to pick it, over think the question then pick the wrong answer or how about picking an answer i obviously know is wrong because all the other options are completely unfamiliar to me. Isn't that unadulterated stupidity? I suffer from it.  All the advice i have gotten from upperclassmen including my Dean, points to starting to study early. I actually scheduled an emergency SOS meeting with her the day before i came home. Matter was that hard.

Where am i going to find the time?

I'm worried about Pharm because i haven't heard good things about it plus i have the talent of doing poorly on one exam and having to dig myself out the rest of the semester. Hopefully that doesn't happen in Pharm but it still worries me.

In a nutshell, being in med school sucks. It's not fun at all and i don't love it or even like it. I'm sure you will find people who are having a ball and the time of their lives in med school. I personally don't know any. I feel like it's designed to suck the life, joy, fun, energy out of you and leave you depressed and miserable. Did you know that 25% of med students are depressed and Doctors have the highest suicide rate? I am not surprised. At all!!! I'm actually surprised that more med students are not suicidal. Maybe they are and they hide it very well.

Ok, this post is turning towards the dark side, so i'll just stop while i'm ahead. I needed to vent. I try not to do this a lot on this blog, just because i don't want anyone to think i'm whining and looking for sympathy because i'm actually not which is why sometimes i disable comments when i just need to vent. I chose this career path and actually worked very hard to get into med school. Getting into med school was a dream come true, believe it or not.  I don't regret my decision, neither do i want to leave and do something else but at the end of the day, i am still human and body no be firewood. The last time i checked, no be me kill Jesus, so i don't see why i have to be frustrated within an inch of my life because i want to become a doctor.

*I was given an end of the year assignment by my friend who is a therapist aka my therapist friend to write the things i don't like about my life which i have control over and can change and the steps i plan to take to change them. He gave me 3 days to complete this assignment. Feel free to do it if you are interested. You don't have to share. Just a thought to pass along. I spent the whole day texting with this guy. From 8.59am to 8.16pm - 457 text messages between us. Absofreaking ridiculous because i hate texting. No, he's not a love interest or a potential anything as he is married with a baby due anytime soon, but he is a trip and a half. A trip and a half! Everyone should have a therapist as a friend.

Initiation into "womanhood"

Anyone who knows me knows that i am as low maintenance as they come. When people say women take forever to get ready, i always wondered why. Now i know why. They are all amateur artists who have to paint their faces on. I've never used make-up in my entire 20 odd years on earth. The most i can do is lip gloss which is always bought for me by my sister, so i guess that goes without saying i don't have any interest in that aspect of life.

Anyway, in the interest of growth and development, i decided to try something new in my life. So me and my pseudo tomboy/non-girly make up virgin self decided to pay MAC a visit. I took my sister along as the voice of reason. The plan was to get a natural look that i can whip out if need be. I'm not crazy enough to think that i would be a daily make up wearer. I don't have that kind of time or interest. Did i already say my sister was supposed to be the voice of reason? So what usually happens is you get the make over and you have to purchase at least $50 worth of stuff. I said $50?, no problem, me and my broke self can handle that.

So the lady starts with moisturizer and primer, and i was like this is easy. Then there was cream and powder (if i recall correctly). By the time we got to the eyes, i was lost and am still lost. The end result was great. I wanted a natural look and i got a natural look.

Time: 2hrs
Cost: Way too much!!!!
Lesson learned: My sister is not the voice of reason.

I can't believe i spent that much money on makeup which i know i probably won't use or barely use. My mom was like i should stop stressing. I'm getting older and need to be presenting myself in the way i want to be addressed. Then she threw the marriage thing in there. Don't ask me how, it just landed there somehow. I say, talk true? I see your plans. The make up did not make me look prettier. I looked like myself (a different versions of myself) but with make up on and it made me look like one of my older sisters. It was eerie because i have never thought i looked like her. My sister was like, why are u so surprised, she's your sister! Duh! Ok, thank you.

The lady was nice enough to give me pointers and a drawing of what she did. She told me to go home and practice. I don't see that happening.

Overall, it was a good, expensive experience. Who knows i might end up being a girly girl before i become old and senile. I started wearing dresses last year. Ok, i only wore a dress once this year and i didn't wear a skirt at all if i'm being completely honest but at least i own them, so there's still hope for me. But seriously, it's not easy being a woman o. On top of everything else I have to do, i now have to add artist to the list. My sister cracked me up, when i asked her about how something was applied she was like "It's like painting, it shouldn't be hard for you, cos you know how to draw". Na wa!

My expensive experiment

Broken Heart II

It's the end of the year again (Thank you, Jesus), time to take stock, re-group, re-charge, clean house, let go, receive, get it together and gear up for the upcoming year. I haven't done much introspection with regards to my life this year, but i plan to take time to do that because it helps me stay focused and on track for what needs to be done in the coming year. You may or may not see the result of that exercise on this blog.

This blog: My baby, outlet, sanctuary of sorts. I have had an ambivalent relationship with it for the last month, trying to decide if i want to keep doing this and how i want to do it. I struggle with how much personal information i want share. Not even necessarily very personal information, just mundane stuff that happens in my life. It's a constant struggle because i could easily write about general stuff and no one would have a clue about what's going on with me. I did that in the past, but it's so easy for me to fall back into writing about my life because this blog continues to be an outlet for me. I have 285 posts in draft from 2008 and 2009 when i took down "personal" posts because i found out more people who know me in real life had found my blog and i wasn't comfortable with them reading about my life like that. My plan was to go through the posts and put some back up but i have just been too busy and have no clue if anyone is interested in reading old posts. If you are, let me know, if not, i definitely won't bother. I hope to find a balance where i don't feel like i'm revealing too much and i can still retain the essence of this blog (whatever that is). 

Anyhoodle, looking through my blog stats for the year, my most popular post of all time still remains Broken Heart and the most popular search term people use to find this site (besides various variations of my blog name and username) is broken heart, heart broken etc. I'm not sure what people are looking to find when they search for broken heart but i figured i could put something together that might be useful for someone. The original broken heart post wasn't meant to be a blog post. I liked the emo images and just wanted to blog about them but i ended up with a semi-serious post which took me all of 10 minutes to write. I don't think that post serves any purpose to someone whose heart has been broken. 

I've been there and it sucks. Big time. I remember googling "how to get over a broken heart" in the past because you just want the pain to go away and you are looking for a quick fix. In the interest of full disclosure, i actually started blogging because i got my heart broken and i needed an (additional) outlet, which is why i still clearly remember the day i started blogging, January 23rd, 2007. If i remember correctly, the unceremonious dumping occurred, January 7-8th. Yes, it was a two day event :) It took me a good 6 months (no lie) to get over that guy. It was just bad! So trust me, i know what it feels like to be heart broken. Thankfully, i haven't dealt with anything as bad since then, but i do get my little feelings hurt from time to time :)

Tips to get over a broken heart

• Realize that there's no short cut or quick fix and you have to go through the pain. There's no medication that will take the heart break away....well, i guess alcohol and ice-cream (not consumed together) might qualify. However, be aware that those are temporary measures with negative side effects. You might end up a fat drunk. 
• Having a good friend you can call and cry to at any time of the day is of great importance. It's not a good look to complain to tons of people because not everyone would be nice and understanding. You need a patient and tolerant friend who doesn't mind hearing the same thing over and over again. One who is willing to help you pull yourself together and stop you from going over to the dark side.I don't recommend friends who encourage you to do stupid stuff like slashing tires, keying cars and whatnot. You need a friend with common sense who really cares about you.
• Find a distraction. This is usually in the form of another person. Find someone else to talk to. It is best not to go into a relationship with this person because more often than not, it's going to be a rebound.You have to lay all your cards on the table and let said person know that you just got out of a relationship and you are not looking for anything serious. This is not the best way to go about it, but i'm just being practical and it works.
• Depending on the type of person you are, you might want a clean break from the ex. Even if you are the type of person who likes to be civil/friendly with exes, you need to stop all contact with the ex while you are still trying to get over them. Being in constant communication (which can sometimes be one-sided with you doing all the contacting) doesn't help you and only slows the healing process. Know when to stop and let go. 
• Accept the hard fact that you cannot force someone to love you, care about you or want to be with you. It doesn't matter how hard you try, what you try, nothing is going to make someone who doesn't want you change their mind. As hard as it is, you have to know when to walk away.
• Allow yourself to cry if you want to, wallow in self pity if you want to, lay in bed and act like you are mourning if that's what helps you get through it (it's okay to mourn the loss of a relationship that meant something to you or to feel bad about being dumped because it sucks), but after a week cut that shit out and start to pull yourself together. There's no need to fall into a deep depression over someone who left you. They are probably out there living their life and you are the last thing on their mind. 
•  Put away all the things that reminds you of the person. There's no use having a picture of the dude on your desktop or going to the same places you guys hung out. Stop torturing yourself. 
• Listen to TD Jakes - Let it go, over and over again if you need to. That message is simple, yet deep and it would give you the extra push you need to let go and understand that nothing just happens.
• Do the things that make you happy. It will help take you mind off things and make the day go faster. 
• Surround yourself with people who love you and take advantage of the free hugs they are so willing to give.
• Do not make the mistake of internalizing stuff. Blaming yourself for the breakup or thinking you were not good enough doesn't do you any good. Instead think of all the things that made him/her bad for you and focus on them. 
• Think of the break up as a blessing in disguise. You might start out lying to yourself because you still want to be in the relationship but soon you would actually start to see that you are better off without this person. It's called faking it until you make it
• Know that time heals all wounds and as bad as it seems today, it's not going to last forever. You will wake up one morning and be FINE. 
• "Stay strong, beautiful, because things will get better. It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever" - one of my favorite quotes of the year. It's true. It can't rain forever. The pain would pass, and you would smile and love again.

*Feel free to share what works for you
*To all my new followers, i see you. Welcome and thank you.

P.S. Goodluck Jonathan is a "weist" of space. Sorry excuse for a president. Useless man, oshi. His incompetence takes the cake. We have to deal with the bombings until it fizzles out? E don dey crase. I think of all those corpers who were killed during the elections because he won and i just shake my head.What a waste. Nigeria is in trouble.The country is being run by an idiot who likes to speak big grammar on his facebook updates but is nothing but a dead lion. God when are you going to save our country?

The season of receiving and expectations

It's Christmas tomorrow. This is my favorite time of the year mostly because of all the Christmas lights and decorations people have outside their house. I love how everywhere is so festive. I have commandeered the cooking for tomorrow, mostly because i want to hone my skills. I will be making some Chin-chin, meat pies (the one from 2 days ago was a practice run), fried rice, pepper soup and ogbono soup. I'm already tired when all i've done is season the meat. LOL. In my defense, we are talking about 5 pots of meat here.

As much as i love Christmas, i haven't been able to get into the gift giving and receiving that is such a HUGE part of Christmas in America. Honestly, i am quite put off by it. I understand the origin of it, the three wise men and gifts for baby Jesus, but that's not what's going on these days. What really annoys me more than anything, are the people who after every Christmas complain about the crappy gifts they received. In my head, i'm always screaming "some people didn't get anything, you ungrateful little beast". These are usually grown people. Although, granted, if you get people really nice gifts, you would want something nice in return. Why are gifts being exchanged in the first place? It's not your birthday. Most people don't even acknowledge Jesus in all of this. It's all about what gifts you are going to receive, especially with the children. People rack up huge debts because they want to buy gifts for their kids for Christmas. Like i said, it's not their birthday so i don't get it.What am i missing here?

Growing up in Nigeria, Christmas meant new clothes and good food. By the time i was a teenager, we didn't even get Christmas clothes any more. That was for little kids. I certainly wasn't writing a Christmas list and demanding gifts on Jesus's birthday. Seeing how i would most likely be raising my kids in this place, i don't intend to partake in this exchanging of gifts for Christmas. Your birthday should suffice. I really think it's ridiculous. I guess it should be obvious by now that i don't give or receive gifts at Christmas. I got a gift on the first Christmas i spent in this country, but it wasn't exactly a positive, warm, fuzzy feeling experience for me, thanks to my step mother, the gift giver. Anyhoo, i think a friend also sent me stuff on two separate Christmases but i just thought she didn't have anything else to do with her money. I know that sounds ungrateful but i'm just being honest and i was grateful (before you people cuss me in your mind. I used to have awesome friends back in the day though, i have to give them that). I've never given anyone something for Christmas and don't plan to start that "mandatory" tradition.

Maybe I'm just a Grinch and need to get into the commercialized spirit of Christmas. It's never too late to change. Merry Christmas.

ETA
Bad Gift? UPS sees high volume of returns....My point exactly!!!!!

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I did it!!!

I was worried about the dough but it was perfect! 9/10. I was very impressed with my first attempt. It was light and flaky, exactly how i wanted. The filling was just ground turkey, red and green peppers and potatoes. Then i mashed them together. I give the filling 7/10. Next time i won't mash all the stuff together, my mom didn't love the consistency but the taste was okay.

It was good though. I'm happy. Sorry i don't have a fancy, pansy presentation.

Recipe from Spice Baby.

Oya, come!

Never thought the day would come when i would have no desire to blog but that's what i'm dealing with right now. I think it's a phase (i hope it's a phase), so i'm good. I decided to blog today because there's something i learnt this semester that i would like to share. In case you guys don't know, my focus for pathways (some *%$^@ we have to do on top of  the multitude of other *$@%^ we have to do for school) is HIV/AIDS awareness and prevention. It's my "thing"  and have found a pretty decent mentor for it. I wish i had the peace of mind to really delve into it, but "real" school work has most of my attention and i do the barest minimum to get by. Hopefully, i get a pass (it's a pass/fail course) this semester cos i barely did anything.

Anyhoo, ladies and gentlemen if you ever find yourself in a position where u think there is a possibility you have been exposed to the HIV virus, you have 72 hours to present yourself to an ER, PCP or hospital to get post exposure prophylaxis aka PEP. 3 days!!! After which, don't bother. So God forbid a rape takes place, please don't just take a shower, and lay on your bed and cry. It is very important that you don't let that window pass because those meds are pretty efficient in preventing the infection from taking hold. It's not a 100% but the stats are pretty good, so it's definitely worth it.  Just thought i'd share cos it's good information to have (i think). BTW, it doesn't have to be rape. One of the cases we had was a guy with an HIV positive partner and the condom broke, so yeah. Now u know, u can thank me later.

I think my niece has infected me with something because i suddenly have a sorethroat. I didn't get a flu shot this year even though we get it for free. Just didn't find the time to go down to the clinic and i wasn't in school the day they came by, hopefully i don't get sick. I have the cutest pictures of her with my stethoscope. One, she just has it in her ears, and the other she was actually listening to my heart. Too cute. Future doctor in the making. Can't share cos i'm not allowed to. My lovely sister just blessed me with a diagnostic kit that costs $900. We were supposed to buy one and it was included in our budget this semester, but i had no intention of spending that kind of money on that. Hell to the no! Even with it being included in our budget, i couldn't afford it o! Let's not even talk about that bootleg budget. So yeah, i got it FOC today, including the text book which i didn't buy. So hopefully, i will stop showing up for CER looking like a doofus. I will at least know how to turn on the ophthalmoscope or otoscope next time. Thank you Jesus. I shall be practicing how to do a full body exam before i leave home. I'm supposed to know how to do it by now, but i don't. Say, 99. "99, 99, 99". You should see me percussing. I didn't know what part of your finger to hit or what hand to even use. The doctor was like are you right handed? I'm such a mess. I plan on getting my act together ASAP. Incompetence is not cute. 

I think i'm going off kilter. I'm no longer a normal human being (if i ever was). I caught myself talking aloud to myself again today at the store. Seriously, someone tell me what is going on? PLUS, i have been itching to study!! *gasps*. Yeah, no! Seriously! I'm finished! Who gets a break and wants to study? I just can't relax. I actually did some work today and the only reason i'm blogging is because the lighting in this room is not great for studying and i can't go downstairs to study cos of the noise. Definitely getting a table lamp tomorrow. I just want to go over all the micro in First Aid, just to make sure i consolidate stuff. I feel like the last block was too rushed and it was mostly crammed for the finals. I have boards to worry about next year and i can't wait until the last minute because unlike a lot of my classmates or other med students, i'm not a genius. lol. Ok seriously, i think med school is more about being hardworking than how innately smart you are. You can't be dumb and get into med school in the first place. U can be the smartest person on earth and still fail in med school. You have to put in the work, identify your areas of weakness and try to work on it. It has been a struggle for me and i'm still working on it. I do not have it down by any means. Far from it.

OMG! I just remembered. I saw this really good looking guy at the store today. How does it make sense that i see a cute guy and i look away and do everything possible to make sure he doesn't see me. What kind of madness is that. He sagged a little which is how my eyes were drawn to his LV belt (when he walked past me). *rolls eyes*. He's still a cutie though. It's just sad. Don't try to understand it cos i don't, either. No, not the sagging. Obviously when i stop making sense is when i know i need to end the blog.

Ok, bye!

*I managed to churn out a post for your entertainment (or maybe i just helped u waste 5 minutes of your life reading this nonsense (except the PEP part, that's not nonsense, i do declare!)). You can thank me, like, right now.

You are welcome.

I'm trying my hand at making meat pies tomorrow. Recipe courtesy of *schoolmate* and Spice Baby (because i forgot most of what schoolmate did :). This chic made the best, best, absolute, take me back to Nigeria, meat pies. OMG. Unfortunately, they were spicy. I can't do spicy so after eating two, i had to respect myself and stop. To make up for it, she made a special batch for me and i swear i ended up with about 20 meat pies. I was like, yeah, this should last me until December (this was in October). It barely lasted a week. Don't ask me how. It was just too good and i'm such a fattie, i couldn't resist.

Hope u guys are making use of the list of food blogs i have on this blog. It's not for decorative purposes. Use it! Cook some good food! I plan on taking my cooking skills up 10 notches this break. Key word is *plan*. Might end up not doing much, we'll see.

Please, someone be nice enough to recommend good Nigerian movies for me. My siblings and I spent 4 hours watching Sorrow to Joy. They were not too happy with me because i picked the movie and the ending was wack. I mean, after 4 hours, you expect a decent ending but God forbid, Nollywood ends a movie well. I jokingly told them the actors got tired of acting and demanded the movie be ended. lol. 4 hours for one movie, come on. I don't mind it if the movie ends well, sha. I watched The Phobia the other day and it was decent even though i just wanted it to end already, it was interesting enough for me to stick with all 4 hours of it. Nollywood sha! 

MERRY CHRISTMAS! 

Slapsgiving! by bishop david oyedepo

To say i am appalled, disgusted and completely and utterly put off my this video would be the understatement of this year!!!!! WOW! WOW! Just WOW! Who is this man masquerading as a man of God? What right does he have to damn someone to hell IN ADDITION TO SLAPPING HER. OMG...I am angry!!!!!!!!! This is my problem with RELIGION. What happened to the true meaning of Christianity? Followers of Christ. Never in a billion years would i imagine Jesus to do something like this and this man is supposed to be a "Man of God". I am utterly disgusted. I pity Nigerians who are blinded by religion and a LOT of them are. It's sickening. Nigerians are the most religious people in the world, yet they are they most judgmental, intolerant, hypocrites you would ever meet. 3/4ths of them have no clue what Christianity actually means. They are so caught up in religion, they become dumb and stupid and can no longer or refuse to think for themselves. I hate it. It's annoys me to no end.

I hate the religious excuses people use to justify hate and intolerance. I hate the hypocrisy. I hate the fact that the average Nigerian doesn't know what love means (not ROMANTIC love). Love, plain and simple. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. It's in the bible, right? They don't. So quick to judge and condemn, yet afraid to speak up when a "Man of God" does something so blatantly wrong. "Touch not my anointed". Indeed!! We are all God's anointed.

Most churches are BUSINESSES. Money making endeavors, with charlatans and smart crooks at the helm. Don't even get me started on that. I am disgusted by this video and i am prepared to ATTACK and CRUCIFY anyone who dares to write anything I consider nonsense in the comment section. Thank you.

*What the fuck! with Nigerians and witchcraft?!!! 

African Booty Scratchers

Soldiers; used in less than a month

Plane read

*You would think that after all the reading i've had to do, the last thing i would want to do is read...i read to relax. When i take breaks from studying, i read blogs or a magazine. Weird and crazy, i know.

*Bought Roots off amazon for $5.24. (Yes, the price was a great deciding factor in getting the book) Vaguely remember the series from when i was little...Kunta Kinte. I want to know more.

*I have a fascination with African American history. We might look the same but we do not have the same history. In college i took Intro to African American history, The American South, US history (we all have to take that), World history etc etc. History was my favorite course in undergrad besides my Psych classes.

*It's amazing how many (immigrant) Africans have similar/identical stories of the horrible ways they were treated by African Americans when they first came to America. Funny enough, many of us assumed that they would be the group that we would be closer to and they would embrace us because looked alike. WRONG!

*African booty scratcher--- that's supposed to be an insult. There are more stupid ones but can't think of others.

*My bid to understand these people drove me to take classes on them. I wanted to know why? History didn't help me......a lot. Psychology did. In Social psychology, you learn not to stereotype people but deal with people individually. It helped me not hate African Americans.

*99% of any kind of "discrimination or prejudice" I have dealt with since coming to America, have been from African Americans. Sad but true.

*Go back to Africa.....They love this one.

*I almost deleted this blog today. Almost. I have been known to be impulsive. This is my fourth blog.

*Dude who left me those stupid comments for no reason let me know that there are people who read that blog who don't like me.

*It bothered me.

*I don't feel like sharing anymore.

*Going home tomorrow, haven't packed a thing and don't feel like packing. I hate traveling but i love being home. 

Punk

I got my first "out of the closet" hater. Yay!!!! LOL. I never ever get negative, troll like comments on this blog. I'm sure there are a number of reasons for that but i'm not going to get into that. I finally got someone who probably has jock itch or crabs and is miserable in his life and decided to come leave some troll like comments on my blog. Maybe he is looking for some "publicity", I 'unno. Fortunately for him, he hit the jackpot cos i'm always one to oblige. I'll help you publicize your blog, FOC. Unfortunately, i do think you are a punk and a troll and your blog is blah ----- boring. You should have stood behind your first two comments and not deleted them, i would have respected you more because i believe everyone is entitled to their opinion. I didn't enable comment moderation, so why are u moderating your own comments? LOL. Idiot oshi!

I probably wouldn't have paid attention to the comments, if you didn't delete them, but you did and it lets me know your heart was not in the right place when you left them. Pls, never say "we". I resent you associating yourself with me not after you just cursed me out for no reason. I don't care whether u r a doctor or not or whatever it is u r. You and I are not in med school together and a little comprehension will take you a long way in life. Go brush up on your reading comprehension skills by reading a book on how not to be a troll. I bet you are an old man too. Ode! Look at him coming back every 2 mins to change his comment. Una sure this one well so? I no sure o.

*If it's jock itch or crabs that's worrying you, there are simple treatments for those you know but you won't find them on my blog. Thanks for "waking" me up this morning. I needed that. It was a long night!

*What's the high road? I don't believe in that. This is my blog and i will react whichever way i feel like. Thank you.

[The Smile of a Nigerian Scorpio] New comment on Question.

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DblogEdition	Tue, Dec 6, 2011 at 7:47 AM
To: nigerianscorpio@gmail.com
DblogEdition has left a new comment on your post "Question": agbaya!!!!!!...lol Posted by DblogEdition to The Smile of a Nigerian Scorpio at December 6, 2011 7:47 AM

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DblogEdition	Tue, Dec 6, 2011 at 7:49 AM
To: nigerianscorpio@gmail.com
DblogEdition has left a new comment on your post "Question": "acknowledge your birthday"... indeed... o ni yeye !!!!! Posted by DblogEdition to The Smile of a Nigerian Scorpio at December 6, 2011 7:49 AM

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DblogEdition	Tue, Dec 6, 2011 at 8:01 AM
To: nigerianscorpio@gmail.com
DblogEdition has left a new comment on your post "Question": "Do you understand that they never, ever close down my med school (based on the you are going to be doctors bullshit and you need to learn to deal with difficult weather" - Nigerian Scorpio Thats what we signed up for... o ni yeye!!!!. ...

Oh by the way, in trying to figure out who the hell u r, i stumbled on this post you wrote about the power of the tongue. You might want to re-read it before you leave silly comments on people's blogs. Since this is your first time commenting on my blog, i forgive you but i still think u r a punk :)

Back to Path!! 

Question

Quick question, how old do my nephew/nieces have to be before i expect them to know/remember/acknowledge my birthday if they want me to remember/acknowledge/get gifts for them for their birthday? This issue first came up over the summer cos my niece who turned 16 last year was upset that i didn't get her anything for her 16th birthday. First of all, i couldn't AFFORD to buy her anything (I reside firmly in brokeville right now, well i could have sent a card but i think i had exams or something and that wasn't what was worrying me at that time. Besides, I've never just gotten her a card), secondly, i told her she didn't even call me on my birthday which is less than 2 months before hers. My sister (her mom) said i was the adult so it shouldn't matter. I don't know o. I kind of think it matters cos 16 years old is not a baby anymore. Her birthday is coming up this week, and it got me thinking of it cos i still didn't get a call this year for mine, i don't even think her and her siblings (all between the ages of 16 to 13) know my birthday. When i worked and had money, they got gifts and all that good stuff. I already have a box with purses and a couple of dresses to send to my niece who is about to turn 17 (she's not my oldest niece, btw, i told u i have plenty of sisters :), but i can't help but wonder when do i start expecting her and her siblings to acknowledge my birthday if I'm going to be sending them gifts. I'm just saying. All I'm asking for is a phone call saying "Happy Birthday, Auntie". Is that too much to ask?

**OMG you guys, I can't believe it's Dec 5th and it has not snowed once. I am ecstatic and can't believe it cos it starts to snow as early as October in these parts. Me and my friend from TX shush each other when we start to talk about it cos we don't want to jinx it. I just can't believe it. Is it global warming or what? Anyway, i LOVE it. I'm just scared cos i think it might be payback time when we come back in January. There was a blizzard Jan of this year when school had to be closed. I repeat, school had to be closed on an exam day for that matter. Do you understand that they never, ever close down my med school (based on the you are going to be doctors bullshit and you need to learn to deal with difficult weather), but they closed down school. It was crazy. My car was snowed in and my friend has to dig me out. I need to get a shovel.

Are any of you experiencing unusual weather too?
P.S. I'm not upset at my nieces or nephews, i'm just curious.

Since i got a couple of comments from an IDIOT!  Let me clarify the purpose of this post. I don't have kids so i have never parented before, but i think when i do have kids i would raise them to be  (for lack of a better word) considerate. I am not WAY older than my nephews and nieces, so i think if they expect/demand presents from me, the least they can do is wish me a happy birthday since they are getting older. The thought never crossed my mind when they were younger. Now, if that makes me an AGBAYA, i guess i'll just be an AGBAYA. Thank you. It's allowed.

Dr. Sushi's Words of Wisdom

Ladies, this is for you, live and direct from Dr. Sushi, my friend who i have talked about on this blog on numerous occasions. Okay, i haven't actually "talked" about her but i have mentioned her with regards to me still being sane in med school.

Anyhoo....when the studying gets too crazy, you take a break and talk about guys!!! Here is the final presentation of Dr. Sushi's talk in her own handwriting. You guys are blessed, i tell u. Here i am just impacting knowledge FOC.

What say u? Make sense or make sense?

I dey go sleep. No be me kill Jesus. I don tire.

WK 15 of 17............Yikes!!!!

*Runs frantically to blog* (Although in reality, all i did was push my notes aside, take 2 deep breaths and open my laptop). We'll just pretend i ran here, cos that's what i did mentally. Anyhoo.....

I felt a panic attack coming on. I don't know when i started getting those. Ironically, that's one of the topics that are covered under Anxiety disorders in psychiatry this block in which i have a lovely exam, bright and early Tuesday morning, but i digress. I'm sitting here studying, my cornrows which are braided too tightly are KILLING me, my mind is going a mile a minute trying to figure out how i'm going to get everything (not just psych, everything in two weeks!!!!) done, and my heart starts pounding, and i can no longer breathe, so i push my notes asides and run here. I need to calm the hell down.

Week 15 of 17.........I'm officially freaked out! 

This is exactly how i feel inside minus the coffee plus the biting of nails (mentally)

 My cumulative micro final is scaring me. The bootleg thanksgiving break is over today and i am behind in Path (already). I had so much stuff to catch up over the break. I did my best but it wasn't enough. Tomorrow, the madness resumes in full force and there's no going back. Mschewww. Med school sucks! Seriously, this hair is killing me. Why do i have to go through this? What did i ever do to those women? What?! Yeah, i chose the option of getting my hair cornrowed since my hair stylist was booked full and i needed to get the hair stuff out the way. I will be a complete natchy by the time this is over. No lie.

My next door neighbor/school mate offered me apple pie yesterday and i refused cos i figured i don't need extra calories in my life. Now i wish i took it cos i need to medicate with food and there's nothing that fits that description in this apartment. Boo to healthy eating. I need some junk food. She's still awake, i can hear her in her kitchen, i should text her and rescind my rejection of her pie. lol.  By the way, i don't know how much i like the living situation cos she just moved in in october and now i can no longer have loud amebo sessions anymore. Which kain thing be dis now? I have to be cautious of what i'm saying in my own apartment again. I'm not loving it o. She just told me yesterday that i'm always on the phone. I was like "am i?" cos i wasn't aware of that. I guess i talk more on the phone than i'm conscious of or she just catches me when i'm on the phone. Still, i don't like censoring myself like this, ahn ahn.

This mindless blogging is not working. I'm going back to study jor. Be still, my pounding heart. Do you want me to fail?!!!

I'm activating faith instead of fear (Thank you Joel Osteen)

To those of you who missed my pishure...i will consider putting it up again. I think my anonymity is shot! That picture was supposed to be blurrier that what it actually was. I just wanted you guys to see that contrary to popular belief it's not a robot in an agric farm somewhere typing this blog :) and yes, i do look like a MADAME.

Ermm...what's a Madame supposed to look like?

#okbye. This book is not going to read itself plus i'm suddenly ravenous like i haven't eaten in days. Who says ravenous in really life? I'm a weirdo.

Glimpse - Peep this!

Went to dinner with friends.....free, might i add. My plate cost $21.99. Chicken something cordon bleu at some place that has crab in its name (I obviously wasn't paying attention). Just got home and i'm incredibly sad. Not sure why.

Good food!

Enjoy my "photograph" while it lasts. It shall be taken down when the spirit deems fit sometime tomorrow or i might just replace it with a blurrier one :)

Good night bloggies and hello Psychiatry. I have 6 more lectures to go tonight. Wawawewa!

*Just remembered the name of the restaurant. It's Crawdaddy. I don't know why i thought it had crab in it's name. I guess in my mind craw = crawfish = crab?! o_O


***Was i drunk yesterday? I thot the picture was blurrier that it actually was. I've been exposed. Ye!
**** My food cost $19.99. I really wasn't paying attention plus i didn't pay for it cos if i did, i would have remembered. Anyhoo, i mention it cos i think it's just too expensive to eat out with any sort of regularity at least for me. Unless it's fast food and i can count on one finger (not one hand) how many times i have eaten fast food this year. I just have no interest. 

Audio Post (Yay!) + Thanksgiving dinner

Embarassing moment by Nigerian Scorpio

Garri and Moi-moi. Loved it!!!

My dinner guest

 

Gay Wedding in Lagos

So everyone should know by now that i don't have a problem with gay people. I believe in the philosophy of live and let live and tolerance. With that being said, can i laugh at the bride's outfit? LOL. Look at the green socks. I thought gay people (especially the feminine ones) were usually on point. What's up with the green socks and canvas (that's the most appropriate description i could think of). No seriously, it is cracking me the hell up. Plus the veil and material on the chair....sweet Jesus. Help me. IF you want to do something, do it well, ahn ahn.

Ah.....this just made my day.

Is that a christmas wreath with balloons on the wall? LOL.

*Sorry i have to disable comments for this post cos i would have loved to hear your views on their fashion sense and the overall tackiness of the wedding, but i don't want to start anything, so just enjoy the pishure. LOL.

ETA
So thanks to de google, i just found out that this is supposed to be from a Nollywood movie. Initially when my sister sent me the picture, i asked her if she was sure it was real and not from a church play. lol. I'm about to text her now and tell her i was right after all.

Counting my Blessings

Guess who has slept almost 20 hours in the last two days? Moi! It has been lovely and for that i am thankful. Sleeping this much wasn't part of the plan, but my body is tired and the next two weeks before finals is going to be a marathon from hell so i decided to get some rest. Remember i'm doing this med school business without the aid of any kind of caffeine. I'm used to it now and don't even remember coffee, soda, energy drinks etc etc exist cos i have a routine at this point. I woke up this morning, with a thankful heart. I was almost getting sad yesterday because i was here, but i get to go home in 3 weeks so it's all good.

 I'm thankful for
Good health - For myself and for my family. No one is sick or has a terminal illness. That is a blessing. I might not be 100% but this is the best i've felt in a long time. Thank God for cute GI doctors :) LOL...i'm such a fool.

Life - I know that i am blessed to have my whole immediate family still intact. It's only by the grace of God. When things go wrong and the whole world turn their back on you, your family will be there. They might not like you, but they love you and they will be there for you. (of course there are always exceptions to the rule because some family members can be toxic, but i'm not talking about those)

Family - I used to think i had a dysfunctional family, until i realized everyone has a story and no family is perfect. You might be on the outside looking in, and see a picture perfect family but you have no clue what's really going on. I was thinking about my mom the other day and how she is such a good mother. She might be overprotective (OVERPROTECTIVE!!!) and i know she's not perfect because before anything else she is human, but she is such a great mother and i look forward to being able to spoil her.

I have many sisters with an irish twin included in there, meaning we are just 10 and half months apart (yes, we have the same mother and father). We never got along growing up but now, she's my closest sister. I'm surprised about it myself but i love it. People used to mistake us for twins back in the day cos they couldn't tell us apart. Even my father saw a picture of her and thought it was me. We sound exactly alike, i've heard my voice recording and thought it was her. My friends can't tell us apart on the phone. No joke. I'm thankful that as friends have fallen to the way side, i have my sisters to turn to. Blood will always be thicker than water. My brother is an awesome not so little fellow (he's bigger than me, that former smallie). He laughs at all my silliness and even when i'm not trying to be funny, he's chuckling away. He totally gets me and i love him so much, even though there have been days when i wanted to kill him.

Strength - I really wanted to attend the psych lecture on Tuesday but since i was up with stress induced insomnia till 8am on Tuesday morning, i couldn't attend the 8.15 am lecture. I knew there was no way i would make it to 12pm with zero hours of sleep. After the 2 lectures, they watched a film titled "Struggling in Silence- Physician depression and suicide". After listening to the lecture on itunes yesterday, i searched for the video online and found it. It wasn't so clear but it was a good learning experience. I've always known from 1st year that 25% of med students are depressed, and 300-400 doctors commit suicide every year. I just talked about this with my resident friend and he quoted those stats for me, including the stat of doctors having the highest divorce rate. So i wasn't really shocked when i watched the video, just sad. A doctor at the hospital my sister works killed himself over the summer.

I am thankful that despite everything i've been through with med school (the people who have read my blog for a while know what i'm talking about), I'm not depressed. I have days when i'm sad, stressed, overwhelmed, miserable, disappointed, frustrated etc etc, but i've never sunken into the depths of depression. I'm able to pick myself up and keep going, keep pushing, keep fighting. I KNOW that it's not by my power, because i'm not stronger than the people who get depressed. In fact, with everything that's going on (90% of which i don't share on this blog), i'm surprised i'm not depressed. I have been depressed before, so i know what it it to be depressed. Being depressed is different from been sad or having a bad day. Trust me! The grace of God has been keeping me and i am very thankful for that.

I think it really helps to take time out sometimes and count your blessings. Whatever it is you are going through, it could be much worse. If you never lose sight of that fact, regardless of how bad things are or how miserable you feel, you will be able to pull yourself together and keep pushing. Nobody said life was going to be easy, you just have to play the hand you were dealt. Everybody has problems, just different problems. Be thankful for what you have and where you are and always try to surround yourself with good people and people who love you. No need for frenemies, really.

I'm going to go do laundry so i can start studying :)

Enjoy your thanksgiving!!!

*If you are depressed, please seek help. You don't have to do it alone.

Favorite things

The year is about to be over, it might as well be over for me. This year has FLOWN by and i love it!!! Love it. I need it to keep flying by cos i would like to get done with this medical school business. Then i will whine about residency, and whine about fellowship (if i do that, have no clue at this point), so the road is long and i need it to keep moving. My goal is to take time to actually LIVE while all this other school stuff is going on, i just have to find a balance.

So i'm taking the evening off, mainly because i have this stupid stress headache and we actually get three days "off" this week. I'm not even going to talk about this thanksgiving holiday because if i list all the work i have to have done before next week Monday ehn?!, you will be sorry for me. I'm actually sorry for myself. Mind you, there's a psychiatry final exam jejely waiting for us next week Tuesday o! Mscheww....

Anyhoodle, main point of this post is to list my favorite things of 2011. Little info about me....I'm not into things! So if you are expecting a list of name brand clothes, shoes and what not, you will be sorely disappointed. So without further ado (i'm such a dork :), here are my favorite things of 2011.

• Coupons: Where have you been all my life? I can't believe i used to throw those things away. I thought only housewives used coupons and back in the day (when i worked and was rolling in dough or not ;) i couldn't imagine myself ever handing a coupon to a cashier. Like, so not cool. Well, welcome to the kindgom of Brokedom. Using coupons suddenly looks very good. Biggest save so far was $7. LOL. That happened today actually and i was very happy with myself. It's the simple things, i tell ya!

• Toothpaste dispenser: I went home this summer and saw this cool contraption in the bathrooms and i was like, warrisdis? Pretty cool. I always had to fight to squeeze my toothpaste into my toothbrush holder and most times i just give up and leave it on the sink. The night before i came back to school, my mom decides to bless me with this and some other cool stuff, like a no touch hand soap dispenser which i don't really use but like. I love my tooth paste dispenser!!! I don't have to squeeze toothpaste anymore, all i do is push and voila, toothpaste on my toothbrush. I know, i'm from the stone age. Welcome to the 21st century. Thank you. I'm glad to be here.

• Arm and hammer scrub free bathroom cleaner: Seriously, you guys.....this thing is a miracle and a miracle worker rolled in one. Ehn?!!! They were not playing when they said "No scrub". So someone who shall forever and ever remain nameless, had not washed her bathtub for a month + (we'll leave it at that), so one bright and early morning as she prepared to rush off to school she was like, "Hmmm...let's see what's underneath the bathroom sink" since she really didn't enjoy and could no longer tolerate the dirty bathtub . She sprayed the arm and hammer scrub free thingy and in less than 10 minutes her bathtub was sparkling white. All you have to do is rinse with water. It was a miracle. No scrub for real. Loves it!!!

I got a new one today and it's no longer yellow. It's now in a white container.

• Texas toast seasoned croutons: Who eats a salad just for the croutons? I do. Firstly, i think croutons are the best thing the french invented. (Did the french really invent croutons? I don't know, it just felt good to say it :) Texas toast seasoned croutons is the business! End of story!!! I am a very picky eater believe it or not, both by choice and not by choice, so it's hard for me to find things that my palate (ha ha!) agrees with. I can't stand their other flavors, although i've only tried one other one (Ceasar) and that one literally made me throw up, and then brush my tongue and lick a candy to take out the taste. Nothing disgusts me more than the taste of garlic. The names of the other flavors are enough to make me run the other direction, except for cheddar cheese but still, i love the seasoned one and i will stick to it.

• HTC Sensation:  Remember in August i asked you guys what phone to get? Well, i ended up with this phone. I know i started off by saying i'm not into things, but i am into this phone like white on rice. It wasn't love at first, second, third or fourth sight but i am completely in love with this phone 3 months later and it keeps growing. This phone is all kinds of awesome. I just keep finding new cool stuff about it every single day. No joke. A lot of times it's by mistake and i'm like cool beans. Yeah, i can't tell you how much i love this phone. The battery life sucks majorly but i get around that easily because i'm not always yapping away on my phone plus i'm either home or in school so i can easily charge it. It can get a little buggy and do an abnormal reset, but it hasn't done that in a while. Other than that, this phone is awesome, i just find myself loving it more everyday but i still HATE T-mobile. I will never, ever, ever, ever renew my contract with them every again. Those freaking tricksters. 2013 can't get here soon enough, but that's not what this is about. 

• My 2 year old niece: But she's not a thing, she's a person and she's cute and awesome and i love her SO much. I miss her everyday and think about her antics whenever i'm having a bad day. She amazes me. She's starting to talk a lot now and i'm in awe. She's awesome, she really is. She's a joy and a blessing and a savior to my family. For the record, she's not my only niece. I have a grand total of 9 nieces and nephews. But she is our baby. What a joy! I think about her whenever i hear about any kind of cruelty to children and i can't imagine how someone could hurt a child. I cannot imagine. They are so precious and innocent. 

There you have it. My favorite things of 2011. What were your favorite things of 2011? Feel free to share.

Yay! I made it to 11pm. I can go to bed now :) Speaking of going to bed, I slept on my bed yesterday for the 2nd time this month. Firstly, i had a difficult time falling asleep even though i was really tired and sleepy, secondly when i finally slept, i had a nightmare!!! I woke up and was pissed about it, like WTH?! So i'm back on my couch. My pillow top mattress can be sleeping on itself since it obviously doesn't want me to sleep on it. o_O

***My friend gave me YAM...Happiness! I've even yam less than 10 times in the 9 years i have been in this country. My favorite food in Nigeria was boiled yam and egg stew. I no longer have a favorite food.

*It's 3am and i'm still awake when i really want to be asleep because a) I have an 8.15am lecture tomorrow and b) I have a bad stress headache. Is this a case of insomnia or are the gods of my ancestors just punishing me? 

Officially official

It's official!!! Med school is going to drive me crazy. I have not only perfected the act of talking to myself, i now talk aloud to myself......IN PUBLIC!

I just finished writing an exam. Microbiology is about to send me to an early grave, walahi! If there was a thought bubble above my head during the exam, you would have read things like

"I'm just going to lie down on the floor and die right now"
"Kill me now"
"my heart is breaking"
"I give up, i don't know"
"Why are asking me that, how do you expect me to know the answer"
"Can i just lie down on this floor and die, please"
"Get away from my screen, i don't care if it's 15mins remaining"

All those thoughts and many more, passed through my head in the space of 90 mins. I don't know what i could have done to prepare better for this exam, short of eating the notes and textbook and assimilating it that way. That has never been known to work. Grades are up, too scared to check, hence this impromptu blog post.


Those freaking bastards!!!! I don't even know who i'm referring to, so no need to ask. I just feel the need to curse. A habit which i am supposed to be trying to get rid of.

I need to get this freaking cornrows off my head but my hair stylist is fully booked until thanksgiving. She and her expensive self. I have to pay $70 plus tip just for a touch up. Meanwhile it's $50 in Atlanta. Na wa. I'm tempted to take it out, wash my hair and cornrow it again but that would mean i would be using style to go natural since the last time i got a touch up was July.

My life!!!!!

*Ok, I have checked. I'm still alive. Whether that's a bad or good thing at this point, i couldn't tell you. 

Hi and Dinner

Best dinner i have had in weeks! Tasted SO good. Kidney beans cooked in chicken broth (I don't call myself a concortist chef for nothing), dodo and chicken. Did i already say it was good? It was good!! Good enough to blog about it. See the steam coming off the beans, yummmm!

#okbye

*Microbiology is Satan's junior brother. I tell ya.

Guess

Moving on to much lighter, drama free things :))

What are these dresses made of? 

Found more thanks to the power of the de google. HERE

 Starting next week Monday, i have exams for the next 3 weeks (including the week of thanksgiving), then i get a week without exams and the next week is finals in which there is a cumulative final involved in that mess. As much as i find blogging therapeutic and use it as an outlet in a bid to hang on to my sanity, i need to focus 100% on school, so everything is being put on the back burner, especially dealing with people. I literally just finished dealing with the craziness of my schizophrenic friend (no joke, true story), who went from wanting to marry me, to calling me a whore and a slut, then the jealous girlfriend saga. I think i've had enough. These people need to leave me alone.

I had a dream that involved me, grades and dean's office which = bad dream. Got to focus.

Note to self: Let's try to have a PEACEFUL, drama free, zen, I-love-my-life, rest of the year. Please and thank you.

*I'm sure i'll blog every now and again. I can never stay away :)
**10 points to anyone who correctly guesses what those dresses are made of. Unfortunately, you can't use the points for anything, but you get them anyway.

Update on the Dramady

Just so you all know, I UNDERSTAND my friend's need to stick up for his woman. That's all well and good and even though i was mad at the time, i don't fault him for that. What i fault him for was first, putting me on three way and asking me those bullshit questions about if i would ever date him, just to prove to his chic that we were just friends and secondly, allowing her to pick up the phone to call me and then giving her my number to continue texting me from her phone. That never should have taken place. If she didn't call me, i wouldn't have had the reason or opportunity to refer to her as a bitch. I was minding my business and along came trouble. If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

With regards to our friendship: Let's just say, calmer heads did not prevail (with me being the person with the "uncalm" head). I'm old enough to the point where i KNOW and ACCEPT myself the way i am. Sure i could work on things and i am, but i'm still going to be me. If you think things could have been handled in an un-emotional, non-dramatic way, that's all well and good and i 100% agree with you. Handle it that way when it happens to you. That's what makes you, you and me, me. I can only be myself. Besides, hind sight is 20-20. It's always easy to talk about how things should have been handled after the fact.

I called him because i value our friendship and while trying to tell him that i might have reacted differently if i wasn't caught off guard, he cuts me off and said he doesn't care about how i react to things and that i owe him an apology for referring to his fiancee as a bitch unless he didn't see the need to be friends with me anymore. I don't do well with ultimatums especially when i'm still pissed at both of them for the stunt they pulled with me. I've never been one to have a problem apologizing when i'm wrong, but don't give me an ultimatum when your hands are not clean.

While i will leave out a lot of details, let's just say he got an apology but not the one he wanted. I apologized for many things including the fact that i referred to his fiancee as a bitch when i should have called her a jealous bitch to her face etc etc. I feel like our friendship would have ended anyway because of the type of chic his fiancee is. She is very jealous and she has never been comfortable with me as his friend or any female for that matter and like i told him, if it wasn't this non-issue, she would have come up with something else eventually to be mad at. I don't have time for that kind of nonsense. I value his friendship but not enough to put up with his jealous girlfriend especially since i don't think he can handle her. Just because she is his fiancee doesn't give her free rein to run roughshod over his friends and then expect everyone to treat her with kid gloves. Both of them have lost their minds. I never should have been involved in this mess, so forgive me if i don't just roll over quietly and take it. 

I know i get irritated easily which is why i stay away from people and their drama and only deal with a few people on a regular basis. I do my best to minimize any opportunities for me to lose my temper and this is the first time this year, believe it or not that i have been this mad.

I don't think any female should contact her guy's female friends or acquaintances for any reason. The guy is not a puppet, he can speak for himself.

Drama

Ladies, this question is for you. (Guys you can chime in too)

Is it ever appropriate for a female to call her boyfriend/fiance's platonic friend because she overheard a conversation they were having and she didn't like the way platonic friend was talking to her man?

Just so we keep it in context, i'll give you guys the background for this question which normally i wouldn't do but i'm making an exception because i am royally pissed. A close guy friend who i've been friends with for 6 years (purely platonic friends), met this Hispanic chic last year, long story short they got engaged over the summer and will be getting married next year. This guy is like a brother to me, because not only is he best friends with one of my most favorite people in this world (which is how we became friends), he is one of the few people i am genuinely close to and can tell anything. I was even the one thinking of romantic ways he can propose to this chic.

Anyway, he went to naija and just came back on Saturday and i spoke to him and his best friend a couple of times on my birthday while he was in Naij. I'm so scared of the craziness going on in Naija right now and i knew of all his travel plans while in Naij. These two boys were basically going to be hopping from state to state. Besides the kidnappings, you also have to be concerned about accidents on those dangerous roads. So i asked them to be careful and pray before embarking on any journey. Long story short, Sat. evening, i called to make sure he was back safe. He didn't pick up. Monday evening when i realised i still hadn't heard from him, i called him again and this time he picks up, and i was like "You no see say i call you, why u no call me back?" or something along those lines. I don't exactly remember the conversation. I probably added "wetin dey worry you sef or something". He said he was busy and i said, i just wanted to make sure he got back safe. The conversation was less than a minute. I had books to read, i really just wanted to make sure he got back safe, nothing more.

Fast forward to yesterday, he calls (6 times back to back in like 20 mins) to ask me if i could ever date him, i'm like where is this coming from? Unbeknownst to me, this was for his fiancee's benefit. So i answer no, that he was like my brother and he kept insisting on why and i said because i have never looked at him that way and we've never had that kind of relationship. Then he says he has to go and i was like what kind of weird conversation is this. 30 secs barely passes before my phone rings again and this time it was his fiancee calling me with his number.

I've never spoken to her before. I was friendly with his previous ex and actually used to talk to that one, but this one, i have zero relationship with. She pissed me off last year on facebook cos she kind of mocked me on a comment i left on his page. I called him and told him the only reason i didn't cuss her out there and then was because i was respecting him. He told me, she was just protecting her territory and he understood where both of us were coming from. I left it alone and have never once commented on his facebook page since that incident. Besides, i knew that she had serious jealousy issues from what he had told me.

So, I'm sitting there trying to figure out what the hell is going on, as this chic is pretty much scolding me and asking me why would i be yelling at her fiance for not notifying me about his return to the country (apparently she had overheard the conversation i had with him), that don't i know he is engaged. That she feels disrespected, so i said let me get this straight, obviously, the previous conversation was for your benefit, so is it that you were upset and you are no longer upset or are you still upset? She said she was still upset and i asked her why, she said she feel disrespected because i was speaking to her fiance that way. I asked her if i was speaking to her and she says no, but she feels disrespected because that's her fiance. This, my friends is when i go from 0 to 10 in 2 secs. Anyone who knows me, knows i have a temper and i have a very low tolerance for bullshit. When i get angry, i get angry, there's no slow buildup, no middle ground and i get vocal. I cut her off and try to clarify exactly why she's speaking to me, which is what i was asking her initially when she started talking before i got irritated. I end up telling her, i have no business with her and she can go to hell and that i will to speak to my friend. I hang up, he calls me back, i refer to her as a little bitch, and he tries to pull the "don't call my fiancee a bitch crap" which infuriated me more so I call her a bitch multiple times and called him a pussy simultaneously as well. So for everytime she got called a bitch, i called him a pussy for good measure. Of course it gets a little messier, but i will spare you guys more details.

I have never been more pissed in my life because i was so blindsided by this mess. Chic starts texting me and i tell her, she has no business talking to me. I never yelled at her boyfriend. I remember talking to my siblings in pidgin and people thinking we were fighting because of our tone. She's not Nigerian, so i guess that's why she thought i was yelling at her man. Even then, i think she overstepped her boundaries big time by calling me and SCOLDING me about it, while my stupid, pussy whipped friend, stood by and let her. I had to ask him if he forgot who i was and how did he think i would stand there and let some chic talk to me any kind of way. He must have forgotten, cos i'm not the one. Never have, never will be.

So back to my question, i'm not even going to bother asking if i was wrong, because i know that there's no way in hell, i was wrong. I feel like this is a classic case of "trouble dey sleep, yanga go wake am".

Is it ever appropriate for a female to contact another female over her guy for whatever reason? 

*Dude was lucky he was nowhere close to where i was yesterday cos i would have wrung his neck and i told him as much, in exactly those words. What nonsense. 
**I might end up taking this post down, but i am still so pissed, i needed to vent.

Principalities and powers. Evil forces of distraction. God will punish all of you.

Drama

I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS PISSED IN A LONG TIME. OMG! OMG! DRAMA.

Deep breaths!
Deep breaths!!!!

Superstitions

Before i full sink my teeth into this pathology textbook which i am going to be romancing all night, let me say a quick hello and goodbye. Today was an experience. We finally got called for the autopsy viewing and boy oh boy. I can't get the images out of my head. Due to the viewer's agreement i signed, i am unable to share the details of any of the cases. I will say this though, if you are thinking of blowing your brains out, don't! You won't look any kind of pretty when you are done. I just finished cornrowing my friend's hair (which i had to squeeze out time to do, luckily she is natural and it was without any kind of extension) and now there's hair everywhere in my apartment. I hate hair!!!! The only way i can tolerate it is if it's on a head where it rightfully should be. Otherwise i think it's disgusting. Sigh!!!!

Now to the main point of this post. For the last 3-4days in the midst of studying, i put together a little something to amuse myself and i want to share with you guys. Remember all those wacky things we believed as kids or even some adults still believe? I thought about one and decided to compile a list of all i could remember. My sis and a friend added a couple more.

1.  Pluck your eyelash and put it on ur head, so you don’t forget something 
2. Never leave your cut fingernails (or hair) lying around, so that they can’t be used for juju purposes 
3. Don’t whistle at night because it attracts snakes or evil spirits 
4. Don’t write your name in red ink unless you are going to die 
5. Rub spit on your navel so you don’t forget something. 
6. If you sneeze, someone somewhere else just called your name 
7. Don’t eat food from “outside” so that you don’t get initiated into witchcraft 
8. You circle you head with your thumb and middle fingers touch, shrug your shoulders, snap said fingers and say “tufiakwa” or “God forbid (bad thing)” to ward off evil or bad luck. 
9. Never accept anything with your left hand. 
10. If you have hiccups, put a piece of white thread on your head. 
11. If the sun is shining and rain is falling at the same time, it means a lion just gave birth 
12. Don’t tell people you are pregnant. 
13. If you hit your leg on a stone on your way out, something bad is going to happen
14. If your ear “rings” you are about to hear bad news. 
15. Actually believing that “leke leke” will give your “Waterfinger” if you sing hard enough and fling your fingers fast enough. 
16. If you swallow an orange seed, it would grow in your tummy. (Older siblings are bad!) 
17. If you are pregnant and you fight with someone, the baby will look like the person. 

Feel free to partake in the fun and add to the list with the ones you remember.

*I really don't want to study..............

Ask Gays

LOL...I think he's a fool. Was he joking seriously, or seriously joking. I took it tongue in cheek. It seriously cracked me up the way he said "gay people are just some rebellious motherfuckers and they just want to do it their way" and he said it with a straight face too. He's a funny dude. At the end, he said he just knows "you are supposed to respect everybody, regardless of what the fuck they do", and for that i give him a thumbs up, five up and an "I love you, brother cos i think you are cute". At least that statement, i endorse. You might be a silly goose but you are still cute.

Let it Go - Bishop T.D. Jakes

I've put a slightly longer version of this video on the blog before. This is my most favorite message from TD Jakes. I figured someone somewhere who reads or tumbles onto this blog might need to hear this message. I think it is a very powerful, practical message that a lot of people can relate to.




"I've got the gift of goodbye. It's a deep spiritual gift.I believe in goodbyes. It's not that i'm hateful, it's that i'm faithful and i know what God needs for me to have, he'll give it to me and if it takes too much sweat, i don't need it. Stop begging people to stay, let then go!" Deep!!!

Twins

I stumbled onto this video during one of my mini, unauthorized breaks (like this one) and even though i don't have 9 mins to sit and watch anything, i watched this video. It totally made me smile. I was grinning the whole time i sat there like a jobless fool watching the video. The prettiness of the twins, their accents, the way they sound exactly alike and how they complete each others sentences. I won't lie, i totally had accent envy for a second (ok, more like 30 minutes).

I want twins so bad. I'm putting it out there now o, Lord hear me. Thankfully, we have twins in my immediate and extended family (Mom, Paternal aunt, Maternal grand aunt etc). None of my sisters have had twins yet, so it might just fall on me. Thank you Jesus for answered prayers. LOL. I would like them to be good looking too (I really don't want a pair of uglies). Just being honest.

Names and Perception

So last week, as i was looking through my notes, i noticed we were scheduled to have a few lectures by someone name Dr. Cashdollar. I was like, "what! This can't be someone's real name". So i said to one my friends "I bet it's a black man". No seriously, what kind of name is Cashdollar if it's not a made up name.

So let's play this game (which i was supposed to play with you guys last week before i actually knew the answer). Based just off the last name, what race do you think Dr. Cashdollar is?

I eventually got to see the guy and when he was introducing himself, all i really wanted to know was the origin of his name but of course he didn't say anything about that. I still believe it's a made up name. No one can tell me otherwise.

I don't appreciate this being on call thing. I had to wake up real early and get ready, just in case we were paged. I hate not knowing cos it's messing with my schedule. Obviously, since i'm sitting here blogging, we were not paged and i don't have class until 10am. The good thing is i'm up and ready and had a great start to my day. I really want to wear sweatpants to class today, but i can't bring myself to commit that sin. There was a time when i did worse, back in the day. However, this does not mean i dress up to class. Not at all. I try my best to look decent.

Life is really what you make of it and i firmly believe happiness is a choice. But i will be the first to admit that that can be the hardest choice to make. It's so easy to say but hard to do. 6 more weeks left in the semester, and i have exams on 4 out of the 6. Wickedness, i tell ya!

Don't forget to tell me what you think of Dr. Cashdollar and i will be back to update you guys on the answer.

P.S My cousin had a friend named Freedom, and i was so fascinated by the name back then.

UPDATE

Contrary to popular opinion, Dr. Cashdollar turned out to be an older (generic) white male. Surprise, surprise. I really wish i could ask him how he got that name.

The Small Print by Abimbola Dare

Our very own Bimbylads, has written a book. New bloggers might not be aware of the greatness that is Bimbylads (Another one is a counterfeit). One of the funniest bloggers that used to be around these parts, but she stopped blogging for a while and now she's back with a Christian fiction. How awesome is that! 

CHAPTER ONE

      The moment he stepped into room 415 and saw Jennifer Lennox sitting behind the polished mahogany table, Wale Ademola knew he was a dead man. He shut the glass panelled door behind him with a click and glared. It had to be an illusion. He checked again. Nope. This was for real. She was here. What on earth was his ex wife doing in his office?
      “Good morning Wale.” The woman sitting next to Jennifer spoke first. Her name was Coleen something from HR. She’d interviewed him only last year, at the start of his job as a temp administrator. She peered at him. “Is something wrong?
      He started to come forward, stumbled and bumped into a stationery cupboard. “Sorry. I… I must have the wrong room. I am here for a promotion interview for the trainee project manager position.” It had to be the wrong room.
        Coleen waved a piece of paper at him. “You didn’t get the confirmation email?”
      He nodded. His mind swirled with questions and he tried his best to look relaxed. Had Jennifer traced him to London? Or was this a nightmare?
      Coleen gave a reassuring smile. “It will be over before you know it.”
      My life will be over before you know it. “Uh-huh.”
      Jennifer gave nothing away with her expression, and when she glanced at him it was like she was looking right through him. As though he wasn’t even there. She shifted in her seat and the aqueous floral scent of her perfume smacked his nostrils. He coughed, spluttered. He’d given her the fragrance for her twenty- eighth birthday last year... a day before he – should he say left her? He dropped his gaze to the table.
      “You look a tad bit uncomfortable,” Coleen said, concern brimming on the edge of her voice. “Take a seat.” She gestured at the only vacant chair in the room.
      In front of Jennifer? God forbid bad thing. He sagged into the chair like an invalid. “Thank you.”
      Beads of perspiration beneath his armpits prickled. Trouble had landed in his backyard. Jealous enemies from his village in Nigeria had chosen the best time to strike their juju, African black magic. Wale mentally sent a curse in return. Thunder fire them all. Including Jennifer Lennox.
      Jennifer tossed a stray lock of curled blond hair away from her face and held out her hand. Obviously, his curse did not work. “Mister Ademola,” she said. “An absolute pleasure to meet you.”
      Mister? Her performance deserved a standing ovation. He sat up straight with a tight grin, convinced his expression must look like one on a mug shot. “Same here.” His hands remained on the table, numb. If Jennifer noticed, she didn’t react. She turned to Coleen. “Ready when you are.”
      “We almost cancelled the interview when Maryann called in sick.” Coleen gave Jennifer a grateful nod. “Thank your stars that Andrea came in on a short notice. She will lead the interview.”
      Andrea? A chill spread across his body. Jennifer changed her name? He swallowed. “T-that’s fine.”
      Jennifer pointed to the jug on the table. “Water?”
      Her nails were perfectly manicured, as always, metallic blue with silver sparkles.
      Rat poison would be perfect. “No. No thanks.”
      She sipped water from her glass. “I will allow you a few minutes to get your self together.”
      Wale squinted at the window. Determined rays from the sun streamed into the room even though it was barely ten. Somewhere down below, a car tire scrunched against the asphalt. The engine of a bus shuddered to a stop and the doors hissed open. Stall owners’ voices were faint in the distance as they paraded sun hats and ice-lollies. A perfect summer day. Why hadn’t he called in sick? Cancelled the interview?
      “Did you bring your identification documents?” Coleen asked.
      He snapped his head up. “Documents?”
      “Yes. I included the list of acceptable documentation in the email.” She looked a bit irritated. “Your passport?”
      Crap. He’d been hoping she’d forget. “Do you have to see it now?”
      Coleen’s apologetic smile had a life span of about a nanosecond. “Immigration rules.”
      “Uh, of course.” Wale shoved a reluctant hand into his breast pocket. He fished out a passport that had once been vibrantly green and shook it lightly. The frayed edges coughed out a small cloud of thick, black powder.
      He forced a smile. “I dropped it in a pile of soot on my way here.” Yeah right. More like good luck charm from Nigeria to distract immigration officers at Heathrow from staring too hard at the passport. They were usually wary of visitors like him coming into the UK: Immigrants with no prospects of ever returning to their country of origin. The charm had worked. Despite the filth, they hadn’t asked a question when he’d presented it. He placed the document into Coleen’s open hand. “Here you go.”
      “You are a Nigerian citizen?” Coleen asked. She blew away some more of the black powder and flipped to the middle page. She studied the page for a long moment. Wale kept his focus on the space behind her head. To the right was an old Xerox photocopier churning out documents with an industrious hum. He stared at the papers as they floated unto the receiving tray, counting in sync with slow eye movements.
      “Your UK residence permit is a temporary one? Expires in eight months?” Coleen’s eyebrows rose in a probing arc. “This is a permanent position.”
      Wale swallowed, wiped his palms on his thigh. “I will be entitled to a permanent residency real soon.”
      Jennifer suddenly perked up, fluffed the ruffles of the stripped orange shirt underneath her suit. “You certainly will. Won’t you?” Her Irish accent was more pronounced than usual. As it often was when she wanted to be sarcastic.
      He stared pointedly at Coleen. “Syms & Syms offers work permits to foreign workers right? I was thinking of-”
      “We don’t.” Coleen cut in with a frown. “Not anymore. We exceeded our quota for work permits last week. Are you expecting to get a work permit from us?”
      Last week? Talk about bad luck. “No I am not. I was just asking for information purposes. My, uh, wife is a British citizen.” Stupid answer.
      “If you are sure...I guess we can proceed.” Coleen looked at him as though she did not entirely believe him.
      “Hundred percent.” Wale nodded vigorously. “You have nothing to worry about.”
      Jennifer’s cold, cerulean eyes pierced Coleen with a look. “The applicant is an illegal immigrant, and the interview will continue?” She gave half a chuckle. “Is that how Syms & Syms works?”
      Her words stabbed his gut. Illegal Immigrant.
      Coleen’s eyes flicked between them as if to question Jennifer’s sudden coldness. “Andrea, until Wale’s visa runs out, he cannot be considered an illegal immigrant and will be treated fairly. Trust me, when his visa expires, we will know. And we will deal with it then.” She slid the passport across the table. Wale failed to catch it and the document smacked against the ceramic floor and landed by his feet.
      Coleen continued. “Let’s get on with the interview?”
      Jennifer spread her arms out as if to say “whatever.”
      The veins in Wale’s head throbbed. Why didn’t he hit the delete key when the cursed job advert landed in his inbox? Because he was an over ambitious idiot with a bank account the size of a dried pimple, that’s why.
      Coleen looked at him, an expectant expression on her face. “Well?”
      He sighed with weariness, feeling as though he was about to be strapped to an electric chair for a crime he did not commit. Finally he nodded. “I am ready.”

      ***

      “Africa!” Wale’s colleague called out as soon as he returned to the main office floor of Syms & Syms, the IT project management consulting firm that employed him. Wale groaned as Q stumbled through scurrying assistants and ringing phones towards the cubicle they shared. Q’s real name was Quaddam, but everyone called him Q. They had been working in the same department- Admin and Supplies- since Wale started at the company. Unlike Wale, Q loved the brain- deadening post office runs, monotonous stationary upkeep and general servitude to the entire company that had been their duties for a little over a year. The position gave Q an opportunity to be the first to hear office gossip while it was still sizzling. On the bright side, Q’s enthusiasm usually made Wale’s days slightly shorter and more bearable. But not today.
      “Get lost Q,” Wale muttered. “And stop calling me Africa.”
      Q gripped a bunch of manila files under his arm as though his life depended on it. “Not until I finish my investigation.” He wheeled a spare chair close and slammed his files on top of Wale’s desk, unsettling the dust around the pen holders. 
      “What is it?” Wale asked. He reached for a copy of the IT News magazine on his desk, and hoped that Q would take a hint and get lost.
      “Andrea Lennox interviewed you,” Q said, hardly noticing his lack of enthusiasm.
      “Yeah?”