Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Broken Heart II

It's the end of the year again (Thank you, Jesus), time to take stock, re-group, re-charge, clean house, let go, receive, get it together and gear up for the upcoming year. I haven't done much introspection with regards to my life this year, but i plan to take time to do that because it helps me stay focused and on track for what needs to be done in the coming year. You may or may not see the result of that exercise on this blog.

This blog: My baby, outlet, sanctuary of sorts. I have had an ambivalent relationship with it for the last month, trying to decide if i want to keep doing this and how i want to do it. I struggle with how much personal information i want share. Not even necessarily very personal information, just mundane stuff that happens in my life. It's a constant struggle because i could easily write about general stuff and no one would have a clue about what's going on with me. I did that in the past, but it's so easy for me to fall back into writing about my life because this blog continues to be an outlet for me. I have 285 posts in draft from 2008 and 2009 when i took down "personal" posts because i found out more people who know me in real life had found my blog and i wasn't comfortable with them reading about my life like that. My plan was to go through the posts and put some back up but i have just been too busy and have no clue if anyone is interested in reading old posts. If you are, let me know, if not, i definitely won't bother. I hope to find a balance where i don't feel like i'm revealing too much and i can still retain the essence of this blog (whatever that is). 

Anyhoodle, looking through my blog stats for the year, my most popular post of all time still remains Broken Heart and the most popular search term people use to find this site (besides various variations of my blog name and username) is broken heart, heart broken etc. I'm not sure what people are looking to find when they search for broken heart but i figured i could put something together that might be useful for someone. The original broken heart post wasn't meant to be a blog post. I liked the emo images and just wanted to blog about them but i ended up with a semi-serious post which took me all of 10 minutes to write. I don't think that post serves any purpose to someone whose heart has been broken. 

I've been there and it sucks. Big time. I remember googling "how to get over a broken heart" in the past because you just want the pain to go away and you are looking for a quick fix. In the interest of full disclosure, i actually started blogging because i got my heart broken and i needed an (additional) outlet, which is why i still clearly remember the day i started blogging, January 23rd, 2007. If i remember correctly, the unceremonious dumping occurred, January 7-8th. Yes, it was a two day event :) It took me a good 6 months (no lie) to get over that guy. It was just bad! So trust me, i know what it feels like to be heart broken. Thankfully, i haven't dealt with anything as bad since then, but i do get my little feelings hurt from time to time :)

Tips to get over a broken heart
  • Realize that there's no short cut or quick fix and you have to go through the pain. There's no medication that will take the heart break away....well, i guess alcohol and ice-cream (not consumed together) might qualify. However, be aware that those are temporary measures with negative side effects. You might end up a fat drunk. 
  • Having a good friend you can call and cry to at any time of the day is of great importance. It's not a good look to complain to tons of people because not everyone would be nice and understanding. You need a patient and tolerant friend who doesn't mind hearing the same thing over and over again. One who is willing to help you pull yourself together and stop you from going over to the dark side.I don't recommend friends who encourage you to do stupid stuff like slashing tires, keying cars and whatnot. You need a friend with common sense who really cares about you.
  • Find a distraction. This is usually in the form of another person. Find someone else to talk to. It is best not to go into a relationship with this person because more often than not, it's going to be a rebound.You have to lay all your cards on the table and let said person know that you just got out of a relationship and you are not looking for anything serious. This is not the best way to go about it, but i'm just being practical and it works.
  • Depending on the type of person you are, you might want a clean break from the ex. Even if you are the type of person who likes to be civil/friendly with exes, you need to stop all contact with the ex while you are still trying to get over them. Being in constant communication (which can sometimes be one-sided with you doing all the contacting) doesn't help you and only slows the healing process. Know when to stop and let go. 
  • Accept the hard fact that you cannot force someone to love you, care about you or want to be with you. It doesn't matter how hard you try, what you try, nothing is going to make someone who doesn't want you change their mind. As hard as it is, you have to know when to walk away.
  • Allow yourself to cry if you want to, wallow in self pity if you want to, lay in bed and act like you are mourning if that's what helps you get through it (it's okay to mourn the loss of a relationship that meant something to you or to feel bad about being dumped because it sucks), but after a week cut that shit out and start to pull yourself together. There's no need to fall into a deep depression over someone who left you. They are probably out there living their life and you are the last thing on their mind. 
  •  Put away all the things that reminds you of the person. There's no use having a picture of the dude on your desktop or going to the same places you guys hung out. Stop torturing yourself. 
  • Listen to TD Jakes - Let it go, over and over again if you need to. That message is simple, yet deep and it would give you the extra push you need to let go and understand that nothing just happens.
  • Do the things that make you happy. It will help take you mind off things and make the day go faster. 
  • Surround yourself with people who love you and take advantage of the free hugs they are so willing to give.
  • Do not make the mistake of internalizing stuff. Blaming yourself for the breakup or thinking you were not good enough doesn't do you any good. Instead think of all the things that made him/her bad for you and focus on them. 
  • Think of the break up as a blessing in disguise. You might start out lying to yourself because you still want to be in the relationship but soon you would actually start to see that you are better off without this person. It's called faking it until you make it
  • Know that time heals all wounds and as bad as it seems today, it's not going to last forever. You will wake up one morning and be FINE. 
  • "Stay strong, beautiful, because things will get better. It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever" - one of my favorite quotes of the year. It's true. It can't rain forever. The pain would pass, and you would smile and love again.
*Feel free to share what works for you
*To all my new followers, i see you. Welcome and thank you.

P.S. Goodluck Jonathan is a "weist" of space. Sorry excuse for a president. Useless man, oshi. His incompetence takes the cake. We have to deal with the bombings until it fizzles out? E don dey crase. I think of all those corpers who were killed during the elections because he won and i just shake my head.What a waste. Nigeria is in trouble.The country is being run by an idiot who likes to speak big grammar on his facebook updates but is nothing but a dead lion. God when are you going to save our country?


  1. Compliments of the season Sting :).

  2. your blog is just fine madame sting. I always enjoy it
    Follow mine:

  3. i love ur posts madame sting......this one especially!! getting over a broken heart is really hard n somtyms it feels like all this tips are 'easier read than it works',

  4. great tips! very extensive...

    i blogged about something similar in this post-

    we definitely raised similar points. :)

    As for NAIJA, May the Lord help us!!!

    Have a great new year ahead

  5. Compliments of the season, Madame. I'd like to think I've found a happy medium regarding public and personal space but in reality I think It's an ongoing process for most of us bloggers.

    God will save Nigeria but (short of him physically descending on Nigeria to what it takes) he needs the help of Nigerians to do it.

  6. Madame Sting!!!! Please never leave blogger ooooo.... I will cry if you even consider it( I am littlemissdramatic). lol

    On heart break- people cope in different ways, I had a semi break up in 2009 and I lost 15 pounds in a period of 12days. needless to say we got back together but that showed me how vulnerable I was. Having someone to talk to is essential, but I think the most important thing to remember is that you cannot force someone to love you, and it's always better for them to leave in honestly than for them to sneak around with someone else.

  7. I hope your holiday season has been going well. These tips sound very helpful, though I wish no one had to suffer a broken heart. A dream, right?

  8. I meant 'the will', not the help of Nigerians.

  9. Omo, dis post make sense die. Well done

  10. I miss you guys. Merry xmas and a happy news year. Looking forward to 2012.

  11. Ah heartbreak. It's a miracle i did not flunk out of school, 'cos I had 2 painful breakups in that 4 yr period. I remember one day after anatomy lab, i drew a pic of a real human heart with dripping blood vessels and a hand squeezing it. My lab partners were horrified. I love all posts, old, new, personal, have a cool way with words.

  12. What I love most about your blog honestly is your down-to-earth honesty. Whatever you do, I'm sure you won't lose that.

    I've definitely been a victim (and an inflicter) of many heartbreaks. I know that feeling of wanting to tear your heart out of your chest. I can vouch for your pointers because subsconsciously those are the same things that got me through those horrible months afterward. I CANNOT stress enough the importance of having a good listener for a friend. Helps heaps!!!

  13. Seasons greetings to you.The tips you shared is very comprehensive. I love reading your posts and I wont mind reading some old ones :). As for Nigeria, it is only God that will save us.

  14. I love this post loads!! And its clear that you speak from the bombom of your heart. And of course we want to read the old posts!! Listen, blogging is like my hot chocolate and reading blogs is my apple pie so please don't deprive me (ok now I just sound greedy) of my apple pie!!

    In any case, I'm happy that you were able to pull yourself together and heal. Took me a while to get to this place that we call "over it", was listening to depressing music for three weeks straight, putting on a face like I didn't care and writing a lot, most of which English majors would cringe at but finally finally like a good neighbor my cousin was there with a shoulder to cry on constantly and I moved on.

    As for the "president", lets just say everyday for thief one day for owner. How the hell does someone say we have to deal with them till they "fizzle out" who says that?!?! Most importantly what type of president says that!??! Whatever man, just have to pray and believe that GOD hasn't left us.

  15. Compliments of tje season Sting.

    Took me six months to get over NY ex as well. Like I always tell people just wait it out. It always passes. Its not easy. Cuz I remember crying, forgetting to eat, etc

    Anyways I would like a bit more personal touch to your blog but I understand since a couple of my friends found mine I haven't been able to write with the smar abandon

  16. Broken hearts are part and parcel of growing up for some people. One thing that is for sure is that you will get over it even though its hard to believe when its happening.

    I think you have a good balance of personal and social on your blog....but then again it is yours and you know what works best for you


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