Love

.................mschew!

Snippet

I bet you guys want to know what happened with the love triangle saga? Well, cos i'm nice like that. I will tell you...... but not now, in August or September maybe. Definitely before the year runs out. The story is still unfolding. Oh, guess who decided to pop back in the picture? Mr. Man. I'm not having that at all. He had his chance(s) and he blew it. His puppy act is not going to cut it. He's not fooling me with that crap especially since i have seen him at his worst and trust me when i say it's not pretty. One of my friends told me at that time "If you marry that one, na cry you go dey cry everyday" and i totally agree with her.

Heartless motherfucker. I really don't understand guys. The dude had me eating out of the palm of his hand, i was his little bitch. As my friend said, he had my mumu button. (it took me a minute to figure that one out. I've been away from naija for too long) Well, the mumu button don malfunction. E no dey work again. Now that i have finally moved on, after listening to T.D Jakes Let it go like 100 times over the course of 3 days, he now wants me back? God forbid bad thing. If dem send you come, tell dem say i no dey house. Somebody please help me understand this person.


Favorite picture of the week. My 10 month old niece/god daughter. I can't wait to see her next month. She has 2 teeth now. They grow so fast.

The List

Unlike Chilli from VH1's what Chilli wants, i like to think that i don't have a list. So i was talking to a friend yesterday and i told him that i don't have a list, i like to go with the flow, but I can't date a short guy, and i like cute guys and he laughed and said like all girls i was confused and contradicting myself. In my bid to further explain myself, i said NO!!! I'll date anyone, but i really don't want a

• short guy
• I want a cute guy
• I like dark skinned guys - never been attracted to light skinned guys
• He has to be ambitious and driven
• Good command of the English language especially if you are Nigerian
• I really want a Nigerian man
• He can't have a mean streak or be harsh
• He can't be too soft or too harsh, he has to be balanced
• Did i say he has to be cute
• I don't want a guy who smokes
• I want a guy who thinks the sun rises and sets on me
• I want that 1 in 10 guy who doesn't cheat
• Someone who will love me for me
• I want a sweetheart
• A guy who is supportive and caring
• I want someone who knows it's hardwork being in a relationship and is prepared to work on it
• I want a nice guy
• Someone who has good morals and puts God first

Hmmm...... maybe i do have a list. Permit me to continue to think otherwise. It sounds better when i say it. Oya, people tell me. What's on ur list? Do you or do u not have one?

Best thing about today

Some retail therapy was definitely in order.

I feel better after my shopping stint, plus i got a friend to shave his beard in exchange for me being happy. Can you imagine the silliness? He really shaved. I was just grinning from ear to ear when i saw him on skype today. Silly goose. 

Sorry for all my gloomy and sad posts. This year has been something else, but i'm getting back to myself. I didn't get out of bed until 12pm today. I spent the whole morning in bed listening to T.D. Jakes, Let it go. I must have listened to it 30 times. It was like a balm soothing my aching heart. I will share some of the things i took from it. Things that have helped me make sense of a senseless situation.

"Nothing just happens"
"When people can walk away from you, let them walk, because your destiny is not tied to the one who left"
"Know when someone's part in your story is over"
"You have to know when it's dead, so you don't keep trying to raise the dead"
"If you tried to fix it and make it work and it wouldn't work, it wasn't an accident"
"Stop begging people to stay. Let them go"

T.D. Jakes said "I have the gift of goodbye, it's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful because whatever God means for me to have, he'll give it to me. If it takes too much sweat, I don't need it"  
 That's deep. I need the gift of goodbye.  I definitely don't have it. It all comes with having faith and trusting that God will take care of you regardless. That is freaking deep!!!!

I made a decision that is hard to deal with, but i'm sure it was the right decision. It's not what i would have wanted but I can't settle for less than i deserve. Even though things are not officially ended at this point (a whole lot of back and forth, on my part), It ended in my head yesterday after a very long and nonsense conversation. I can deceive the world, but i can never deceive myself.  As hard as it is, i have to do what's best for me and my future. I know that there's true love out there for me and i will be blessed enough to find it. I'm willing to wait and not settle for less. It's hard! but i have dragged this on for too long and i'm ready to let go so i can find peace and be happy once again. Life's too short.

2.14 - 5.45 is where i liked

The Tool Academy

GOD save us from bad boyfriends!

There's this new show on VH1, "The Tool academy". I just stumbled upon it this afternoon. You guys should check it out. It just made me glad that i'm not dealing with boyfriend wahala and all that jazz! God abeg oh!

To those of u who are, in whatever form, i say Pele! Ko!

Thanks to y'all who volunteered to help with the Blogsville Award. Pls email me at chacha4mi@hotmail.com so i can have ur email addresses. As soon as this weekend is over (as usual, i'm working like crazy), we'll start planning the thing. With all these brilliant minds working together, i bet it'll be awesome.

Special shout out to Toluwa! You are awesomeness personified. Muah!

P.S Do u know those crazies at my job (lab) did not pay me today?!! Somehow, somehow, they misplaced my timesheet, and my $2 raise was supposed to take effect this pay period. Una see how devil dey find my trouble? Thankfully, they said they'll cut me a check on Wednesday instead of me having to wait until the next pay period. They'd better!

He's just not that into you

Unless u've been living under a rock, i bet you've heard of the book "He's not just that into you" by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo (and they say africans have weird names, check out their last names). If u've not heard of the book, then u have really been living under a rock but since u've now heard of the book through me, then all is well and u are forgiven.

My sister bought this book for herself 2 yrs ago and it has been in my room for the last 6 months but i never bothered to open it until yesterday when i was watching a VH1 show and they said something about the book.

Oh my days........ Ladies, this book is common sense knocked into u. You know how all these guys be acting, and we try to make excuses for them and keep on keeping hope alive, hoping he'll change.... Na lie. He's not just that into u. Trust me, if u read this book, u'll stop bullshitting urself. Unless u have promised God that u won't stop deceiving urself as a penance for all ur past sins, then my sister, you are On Your Own aka OYO.

You have no one to blame but urself when he keeps misbehaving aka meskaforming aka misyarning and u have to cry urself to sleep every night. Well, it's ok to cry. Tears are healthy anyway, they help relieve stress. BUT...................... I have always believed in the saying that the one who is worth crying over will never make u cry. You girls know what i'm talking about. How many guys have made u cry? Guys whom u would have moved heaven and earth for, yet they might as well not give a shit about u. I have LET many guys make me cry. I knew better then, but i was pretending i didn't know . Keep hope alive!!!

Well, i have read this book (i never finish am sha). Good thing i did. The book will not tell u anything u didn't know already. It will more than likely confirm suspicions. You know how sometimes u ask someone for their opinion and u know it's not going to be favorable or it's not going to be what u want to hear... Well that's what the book is. It will tell u what u don't want to hear even though in ur hearts of heart u already knew.

Chapter heading includes

1. He's just not into you if he's not asking you out
2. He's just not into you if he's not calling you
3. He's just not into you if he's not dating you

and much more (I no fit write all now, the pple dey pay me?). Go read the book ladies. It should be like a reference material like a dictionary, u know.... BTW, the book has just been made into a movie. For all u none reading pple, no excuses. Although i doubt the movie will do the book justice. It will just be another comedy or some bullshit story (IMO). I might go see it though, so don't mind me.

Men and Sex

As a female, i have always wondered what men feel as they have sex. Given the differences between the male and female anatomies I assume we don't experience the same physical sensations or whatever u want to call it. I have asked a couple of guys and frankly i have never been able to get a coherent answer. Maybe it's too (insert whatever u feel like here) to describe in words.

I'm guessing it must feel so ridiculously out of this world good that's why a man would sleep with his own daughter and try to ruin her life in the process.

If it doesn't feel like crack induced euphoria, someone please explain to me why a man would fuck his housemaid under his wife's nose, disrespecting their home and the sanctity of marriage!

It must feel pretty damn good to make a man leave all the other women in this world and decide to have sex with his wife/girl's best friend, or maybe he's just an equal opportunity fucker!

All men Cheat!!!

Talk about cynicism. I don't buy that statement for one second. There's too many men in this world for that to be true. Yet a lot of beautiful woman accept that as fact, and sit at home with a stiff upper lip while their men go around fucking the entire female population of whatever city they live in. I'm too smart to buy into that bullshit. Better go buy an iron sheath to lock ur penis in unless you would wake up one morning and it would be gone.

Seriously, what is it about sex that makes men risk their losing their lives as they know it. Look at Kobe Bryant.... How embarrassed he must have been been and i bet she wasn't the first too. He can't be that unlucky that he would get caught the first time he cheated. How about good ol' Bill Clinton. Awesome president who couldn't control his wiener. Sad!


Sex is overrated!

Nah, it's not. It is very well rated, thank you very much! But i don't see how it would make me lose my common sense like a lot of men seem to lose theirs.

Some thots

I was reading this post by jarrai (Oya, go and read it but make sure u come back o!) and that is what i've wanted to do for years and i've not been very successful at it. There are many times in my life where it was obvious that i needed to get rid of some people who were dead weight in my life but i just didn't have the heart to do it. I try but they keep coming back and can't just shut them out.

Last yr i wasted over 8 months of my life talking to this dude who i knew would never date, i wasn't attracted to him, he was a liar (I can't stand liars and this dude always tried to justify his lies by saying he didn't want to lose me). I finally stopped talking to him in november, only for this dude to call me on new year's day saying he wants to be friends with me and i just couldn't say no. Finally, guess who cut who out of their life? He did!! He just stopped talking to me one day and when i would call him he would never pick up. I wasn't even sure what was going on, until i figured out the idiot was ignoring me. When he didn't want to speak to me anymore he cut me off COMPLETELY. That's something i wanted to do for months and months but i couldn't cos i didn't want to hurt his feelings, at the end did he care about my feelings?

Same thing with my abusive ex. I knew from the first week that something wasn't right. By the end of the second week i was sure i shouldn't be with that type of person. Dude hung up on me just for contradicting him in the first week. The excuse was that he was stressed. I stuck with that nonsense for 3 months until he finally hit me.

Then there's my friend i talked about a couple of months ago, after a month of not speaking to each other she called me and the first thing out her mouth is "Did u miss me?". I was speechless. If it was up to me, i would not be friends with her ever again, just becos she doesn't accept me for who i am, she wants me to be the way she wants me to be and she acts like she knows everything. Not only that she's a jealous human being, i didn't know she was that kind of person until she made a comment regarding her best friends. She actually told me that if her best friend got married before her she would be very pissed. I was shocked. Why would u be pissed? She's only 24 but she refuses to look at wedding websites becos she doesn't have a boyfriend and she wants to get married so bad. What kind of thing is that? When one of my best friends got married in dec, i was beyond excited. I have already called dibs on being god-mother of her first child. Little stuff like that just made me know that she's not a good fit for me as a friend. So she called me this month, i didn't really want to talk to her but i did and i was so uncomfortable cos i felt fake. We talked 2 more times after that and i decided i didn't want to torture myself anymore. She has called me twice since and i didn't take the calls and i have felt so guilty about it ever since.

Now this stalker dude is another one i have to watch out for cos he's sneaky. I got an offline message asking me if i was still mad and if he could call me cos he misses me so bad. This was after i told him i never wanted to deal with him anymore. I guess he took that to mean, i need a break to cool off.

I need to learn how to completely cut people off without going back cos these pple don't need to be in my life. Deleting numbers doesn't work, i have a good memory. I guess i need to find it from within me to just let pple go.

Context

These are a couple of old posts from the last blog i deleted. I'm about to talk about this same dude and i wanted to give u guys some background (on my continued stupidity).


HEIFERS (2/25/08)

Chei! I don suffer for boy hand. I can't help but go back to my roots on this one. So this dude that i have been lamenting about has just pulled another stunt that has left me speechless since yesterday. I was shocked, then i cried, now i have gone back to being shocked. I really don't want a boyfriend that bad oh! Chineke God in heaven, i don suffer.

So, me and this dude have not been getting along for a short while becos i called him out on his nonsense behavior towards me. I told him in no uncertain terms what i thot about his actions. Of course, he got really pissed and refused to talk to me. Me being the softy i am, after my anger wore off, i was reduced to practically begging (i might as well have begged) him to talk to me. When he finally agreed to talk to me 2 days later, to cut a long story short, he told me he wasn't obligated to call me. I thot about things, and decided that he was just being nasty to me becos he felt like i wanted to be with him. I now decided to tell him that we should just be friends then there would be no need for nastiness.

So on saturday, i texted him about a job interview he went for and asked him how it went and he said it went well. Then i called him and he told me he would call me back. I went into the school's library after i was done with work and that's when he called back. I didn't want to talk in the library cos since it was a saturday it was really quiet. So i went outside to call him back, as i was about to call him back, less than 2 mins after he called me, he sent me a text telling me he just called me and he was about to take a nap. I called him right back and his attitude when he picked up the phone was like i was disturbing him. So i asked him y he sounded like i was bothering him, and b4 i could say Jack Robinson, this dude said he wasn't going to talk to me anymore and as i said "are u serious?" he hung up on me. I was shocked. Where is the coming from?

I sent him a text message that what he did was one of the most disrespectful things he could ever do, that i felt like he spat in my face. Any he replied saying that if i got his text telling me he was about to take a nap why would i ask him a stupid question like "why do u sound like u don't want to talk to me?" He was like damn, he had been up since 7am. The time was only just 1.30pm in the afternoon. I was just baffled. I don't get him. He really hurt my feelings and i admit he made me feel really bad about myself. I didn't reply his text and that was the last i heard from him.

I'm confused. I don't think i deserve this kind of treatment from him or any guy. I also feel like i'm too old for a guy to be insulting for no reason. Maybe when i was a teenager i could have accepted that kind of treatment. He doesn't do anything for me, so y does he feel it's ok for him to treat me like crap? Is it becos he feels like i'm looking for a boyfriend or i like him? Now i see y my friends keep telling me not to tell a guy when i like them. I don't think he would dare treat me this way if he didn't know that i liked him cos he's not even my boyfriend.

If he was trying to get me not to like him anymore, he has succeeded and he is the last guy i would ever let know i like them that easily. Apparently, they like games. I don't know why i meet all these assholes. First it was the 419 yoruba dude that tried to kill me, then it was the jamaican dude that sucked me dry and left me for his baby mama, then another 419 online dating scam artist, now this idiot who at 32 doesn't even know whether he's coming or going. God will punish all of them for every single tear they have made me cry. Fucking bastards.

SLAP ME SILLY (2/26/08)

I know i said i wasn't going to call this dude anymore and i really wasn't going to call him, but i did. It's almost like i can't help myself. Whenever i'm in this kind of situation, i start to feel really bad and the only quick fix i can think of is to talk to the source of my unhappiness. I've been through this b4, i know it's the absolute worst thing to do, but i do it anyway cos i don't want to keep being miserable.

In this case, it made me even more miserable. So i called him and he initially wants to talk to me like everything is fine, but i bring up the issue of how he talked to me and hung of the phone the last time.

Him: What happened the last time we spoke? (In a confrontational tone)
Me: (I relay the incident back to him from my perspective) I don' see how i asked u a stupid question and why you should have hung up on me
Him: You asked me a stupid question. That was a really stupid question becos if i didn't want to talk to i would have ignored the call. Besides, i was in the middle of taking a nap.
Me: How was i to know u were already sleeping? I called u as soon as i got ur text. So u have no reason to say i asked u a stupid question.
Him: I was already sleeping and yes, u asked me a stupid question.
Me: I would never hang up on u though
Him: And i would never ask u a stupid question. Why are u bringing up the past? That's the problem i have with u, u never let shit go.
Me: You hurt my feelings and you want me to pretend like it never happened. How do i know you are not going to do stuff like that again?
Him: I probably will.
Me: Why are u so mean? Does it make u feel better about urself to be mean to me?
Him: No, but i don't take shit from nobody.
Me: So i was giving you shit.
Him: Yes
Me: I didn't think you would be this way when i first started talking to you
Him: Me either.
Me: Are you being this way because u think i want something from u?
Him: I'm this way regardless, it doesn't matter who it is. So how was ur weekend?
Me: (long pause, while i contemplate the quickest way to kill him).............. It was fine.
Him: It snowed really heavily here on sunday
Me: (No reply)
Him: I'm talking to u now, u not answering. I said it snowed really heavily here.
Me: You are talking about the weather, what do u want me to say to that?
Him: I know u are just bursting with stuff you want to say.
Me: You never used to act this way when i first started talking to you.
Him: You never used to shoot off at the mouth, now u are getting too comfortable.
Me: Maybe YOU are getting too comfortable, not me
Him: This is in the past, why won't u let it go? I'm talking to u nicely right now, i'm not yelling. What do u want me to say?
Me: You could apologise for hanging up on me.
Him: You want me to say i'm sorry, alright i've said it.
Me: I didn't hear u say u were sorry.
Him: I'm sorry, since that's what you want to hear. Me and you are cool, i don't know why u are stressing blah blah blah. Can i get off the phone for a bit, i need to go eat.
Me: are u calling me back?
Him: I might
Me: U might?
Him: Yes, i might.

And he didn't call back. The big question is why do i always do this to myself. What the use of flogging a dead horse. I always, always, always, do this, always. It's like a curse. I can't control myself. I know this guy has nothing to offer me. He is clearly emotionally unavailable. Believe it or not, i don't even want to date him anymore. I don't see anything good coming out of him with regards to me. Why can't i walk away? In this case i tried really hard, then i started feeling really depressed and i figured maybe if i talked to him i would feel better. Even if i didn't feel better at the end, i got a sort of clarity and closure. It's not me, it's him. He's just a jerk and regardless of how nice i am to him, he would never be nice to me. I got the impression that he wants to break my spirit and make me this submissive person, who doesn't talk back. He always complains that i am too feisty and i guess this is the route he has chosen to cure me of my disease of being vocal. I know i'll be doing myself a huge favor if i stop talking to him. So like someone who fell of their diet, i'll forgive myself and start over.


I'M THINKING (2/29/08)


I've made peace with the whole guy situation my own way. I've left it alone and i honestly don't feel the need to want to talk to him anymore. The sad thing is there are other guys who want me right now, but i don't want them. I had to start wondering if i should not just pick one of those guys whom i "think" would treat me nice. However, how i can i have a boyfriend whom i don't find attractive? I don't want a boyfriend just to have a boyfriend, so i'm chilling with the whole relationship thing for a while.

As much as it seems like there's always some guy wrecking havoc in my life, i regularly go long periods without a guy and i'm absolutely fine with it (most of the time). The last time i actually had a "real" relationship was in 2001. From 2001 to 2005, i did not date anyone. I really was more preoccupied with adjusting to this place which i hated when i first got here. Then i met someone in 2005, whom on a very good day i wouldn't have talked to, but i was lonely and felt like if i had a boyfriend it would help me go out more, blah blah blah. The whole shindig lasted for 2-3months and i almost ended up relocating to heaven or hell. I hesistate to call it a relationship cos while i thot he was my boyfriend (cos that's what he made me believe), he had a lot of girls on the side. I don't even think i was the main girl, but i'll never know. Dude even slept with my "friend".

Since then, i've met people but we never get to the relationship level. Now that i think about it, none of these people were worth anything. None of them had a college degree or well paying job or nothing like that. I had one that i had to help him pay his child's day care fees thrice, and i would buy him breakfast and dinner and still pick him up or drop him off at work cos he couldn't afford to fix his car. The only reason i can think of that made me so stupid is cos i didn't want to be by myself cos it gets depressing after a while.

However, i think i've being going about it the wrong way. I don't have a concrete idea of what i want in a guy, therefore i pick the wrong guys or rather any guy that i find attractive (or one time barely manageable). This dude i've being lamenting overthe last month is 32yrs and is just now starting to look for a job. When i first him he told me he used to sell cars, alright.... so why did he stop? He couldn't give me a reasonable answer. He basically didn't work the whole of last yr. When i asked him how he survived, he told me his family had money. He was even asking me if he should buy a hummer, and i was like what do u need that for? He gave me the impression that he wasn't hurting for money. 419 anybody???.............. He did go to college, but i don't think he's ever had a regular job. He did admit to having dabbled in 419 but stopped after his friend got caught.

Anyway, come to find out that he's really very broke and according to him he doesn't know how he got broke (it's called living extravagantly without having any money coming in), now he's frantically looking for a job and taking out his frustration on pple who have nothing to do with his situation. The point is, this dude has nothing to offer me really. I usually don't care about a guy's financial status, cos i figure if he's nice to me i can take care of myself anyway. But when he starts being mean for no reason, then i have to seriously question why i'm messing with that kind of person.

I think it's time for me to start doing things a different way. I need to come up with a list of at least 5 qualities/attributes/things a guy has to have before i mess with him. I think if i stick to that list it would save me a lot of heartache.
Number 1...... No meaness allowed. At the first sign of nastiness, i pack my bags and run.
2: Dude has to have a decent job and be a responsible member of society. If u look like, smell like, talk like 419, or NFA (no future ambition) i'm bailing.

I'll think of numbers 3-5 later. I'm open to suggestions.

Ciao