Thursday, December 4, 2008

Paper Journal

I know i should be living my life for me, but sometimes it doesn't feel that way.

Parents find it difficult to start treating their grown kids like that are actually grown, in my case, i find it difficult to start relating with my mother like i'm grown. Why can't i be open about stuff. I'm too old for this. Why can't i be free and talk about stuff instead of sneaking around like a teenager.

I'm stressed beyond belief. I have the event of my life coming up next week.

I'm starting to get hooked on my Bartles and Jaymes Pina colada Wine cooler. I tried Boones Farm fuzzy navel and it was great. Would have finished the whole 750ml bottle at one sitting if i wasn't driving. When did i start drinking? I worked at a liquor store for almost 5 yrs. I only drank once a yr on my birthday. Now, the frequency of my wine cooler drinking has increased. Even though i've never been tipsy or drunk, i'm starting to crave a drink whenever i'm stressed. The alcohol must be having an unconscious physiological effect on me to make me crave it.

I'm not working this weekend. First free weekend since August. Halleluyah! I get to practice....

I've been having severe mood swings. I most certainly am PMSing, but then again i definitely remember being told in my psychology of women class that PMS is a socially constructed concept. I don't think my body/hormones got that message. Forgive me for being a bitch! I'll try to make sure that my body gets the memo next month.

I'm on a mission. The re-nigerianization of my fake Nigerian. First stop: Re-teach him some pidigin english. Note to self: Try not to slap him as he mocks me/giggles like a school girl as i speak it.

I'm tired of working; I hate my lab job, and i've become too physically tired to enjoy my hospital job. Who wants to get married to me, take out a life insurance policy and then conveniently die?! GASP!!! I can't believe i said that. Volunteers, line up on the right!

Why am i not eager/thinking of getting married? What happened to my desire to be someone's wife/mother? I thought they said i would grow into it. I must be a defective African woman.

I feel caught between too cultures. To a certain extent. I know i'm always going to do me. To hell with what people think. Still why do i have that nagging doubt at the back of my mind.

I'm sleepy yet don't want to go to sleep. I want to read that novel.

Why do i feel guilty/ashamed? I haven't done anything. I remember those days. I hated it! I never want to go back there. That's what progress is about. I am regressing. Too bad.

I took out my one and only wisdom tooth yesterday. It was huge. Who wants to see a picture?


  1. I strongly doubt if your body will get the memo next month too. I guess it's something in the air, mood swings seem to have doubled lately for most people.

    About the drinking, tackle it while you can.

    You need a break, you need to rest need some "you time"

  2. Girl don't get used to the drink o! It can grow on me on that one...
    You obviously need some "me time" and I mean it...
    Just take a break and relax...
    Relating to your mum as a grown up is a thing of the mind...once you've decided in your mind you want your mum to relate to you as an adult because you're one...the rest is easy!
    Hope you're good...take care of you...

  3. i think you need a nap and may be less alcohol, i know from experience that alcohol is nogood when PMSing

    are you alright though?

  4. definitely PMS (tell dat ur prof 2 go siddon 4 dutty! socially constructed concept my ass!)

  5. we sneak around because we think/know they still see us as kids...

    ps: if you find that volunteer sponsor, ask him if he has a brother, wouldya?

  6. how come no one is screaming alcoholic @ you? when i was loading up on my white zinfadel, these people were not nice to me o.

    sting o sting. take am easy o abeg. by the way, what part of atl are you in sef? I'm about to be regular visitor to your neck of the woods.

  7. PMS is always on a roll. On the alcohol, take it easy as long as you are not dependent on it.
    You need a break. Why don't you take a holiday just chuck everything for a while.
    Its only when you are healthy and whole that you can think of the future.
    Take care of you.

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  9. LOL @: Who wants to get married to me, take out a life insurance policy and then conveniently die?! GASP!!! I can't believe i said that. Volunteers, line up on the right!

    So many people are thinking it but not saying it.

  10. Wine coolers don count as alcohol
    i feel you on the parents tip. My mom said i will always be a kid to her and i replied, that is why we will continue having fights.

  11. Sweetie, pls just put the bottle down and drink pepsi i've been gone so long, a lot of stuff has happened to me too and i dont even have the energy to talk abt.. but i pray that God will give us the grace and strength to proceed. i c u had a suckie thanksgiving working all day..sorry dear..take care and i've missed u.

  12. Errr, too random for me to comment, but all the easy!

  13. So many things to ask but first lets start with the teeth. Did it hurt? Was blood gushing every where? did you "feel" it as they pulled it out. I've been putting off getting my wisdom teeth pulled for the last 2years, im just so scared.

    That drinking sneaks up on you believe me. A bottle of wine is lucky if it makes it 3days in my fridge. In fact as i type this im downing some right now.

  14. STING...relax, u seem out of it!

    but lmao @ guys dying and leaving u with insurance money!

  15. now,ur1 sweet blogger I hav missed.Im back on blogville(though I knw u no even notice my absense lol) abeg go comment im dry on comments lol

  16. I'm not in a rush to get married either. Ugh! I'm feeling too selfish right about now.


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