Sunday, August 14, 2011

Repost: Broken Heart

I wrote this Nov 2010 and it remains my most popular post to date. I wonder why. You guys need to stop getting your hearts broken or breaking hearts. Broken hearted and looking for tips on how to get over it? Read THIS

So lately i have been super interested in broken heart images. No my heart is not broken, i think it's the healthiest it's been in a long, long time. I haven't given it to anyone for safe keeping, i figured i can keep it safe all by myself. Thank you very much. I mean, dudes be dropping and breaking stuff all the time. I can't with all these clumsy ass mofos. I just can't!

I'm going to share some of the ones i really like with you guys. All images were gotten from google images. I especially love the emo ones. Some of them are really cute. Enjoy

This is how it starts o! They start off by begging you and stuff. Look at him, heart all ripped out and shit. Uh hum! You decide that since he gave you his, you might as well give him yours Mistake numero uno. Write that down. Just because a cute guy says he likes you doesn't mean you should get stars in your eyes and forget your common sense. He has to earn it and that takes time. Please don't talk to me about love at first sight. That's some bullshit right there. If you believe that, then i'm sorry to say you are a damn fool and you have no clue what LOVE really is.
And then, gen, gen, gen.....he goes and breaks your heart and is "nice" enough to give it back. Your tears as he hands the shattered pieces over, means nothing. In fact, what registers in his brain is that you are sweating from your eyes. As for why you are kneeling down with your hands clasped together and mumbling incoherently..... that's your own personal problem.
Heart break hotel. You see cry, you no fit cry. Eyes red, nose running, heart aching.

You can't sleep, you can't eat, you are distracted, you start to suffer from short term memory loss, you have unexplained chest pain and heart palpations, you do a lot of sweating from your eyes...... morning, noon and night. Any little thing that reminds you of him send you into a downward spiral. You begin to plot and scheme ways to get him back, until one day (It could be a week, a month, 6 months, or a year all depends on how far gone you are) you FINALLY get it (after countless hours of counseling by your friends), the idiot really meant it when he gave you the pieces of your shattered heart back.

Then the real pain sets in as you start to face reality

The pain is unbearable, made worse by the fact that you can't forsee an end to your suffering. You can't imagine a time when you will be normal again. In fact, you are willing to do anything to end the suffering, including trying to get him back.
Somebody, take this useless heart, i don't want it anymore. No, na your own, u can keep it. Shey na you give man wey break am, you no come want again? Carry your cross by yourself. It is well.....sorry.

Eyah! You still dey cry? Don't cry anymore. The guy was just an asshole. He didn't deserve you. I don't know what you saw in him in the first place. I hope you haven't been calling him o? What?!!! So you still called him again? When? How many times? 20 times?!! Back to back? Ermmm... I don't think you should keep doing that. That's some stalker type shit. Have you eaten today? Oya, go baff while i fix you a plate.... you kinda stink a little... well, maybe more than a little. Just get in the shower....Puhlease!

Sleep, wake up, cry, force yourself to eat, stare at your phone and will it to ring, look at the time, 30 more minutes to midnight, he might still call.....NOT!, be tempted to dial his number, dial it and hang up, curse yourself, call your BFF for the 100th time, more tears, rain curses on the dude....He's such a bastard. E no go better for am, sleep, sleep, sleep and more sleep.

After two weeks of not calling, you have a relapse and call him again and get your little heart broken all over again and this time the pieces are flung at you. No...he doesn't want your patch-patch heart. Is that a chic's voice you hear in the background.'ve been upgraded, downgraded, sidegraded or whatever helps you sleep better at night. You are butt hurt. Oh no, he didn't. Oh yes, he did. Trifling SOB!!!

You start to ask yourself, philosophical questions like what did i even see in that fool? He's not even that cute. What's the difference between a felony and a misdeamenor? Should i slash his tires or just pour sugar in his tank?
You also begin to have epiphanies..... Ah, so there really is a thin line between love and hate. And you finally admit to yourself, that yes, you do have stalker tendencies.
So the healing process starts over again. Love and longing is replaced by anger. If you are a hot blooded, vindictive mammal, you might be tempted to key his car or spray paint it with a few choice words. You have recurring thoughts of castrating him (to put it mildly). You finally agree with your girls, how much of an asswipe he is.

In time, you start to feel like your self again. You might have lost some weight, but you see that as a bonus for all the heart ache you've been through. I mean, if you had to get something out of this pain, you might as well come out looking hotter after all dating that sucker dashed you some extra lbs on ur midsection.
But something's missing. Deep inside, you are still a sad little puppy.

Remember that!!!
So while you are being handed the pieces of your broken heart, resist the urge to throw it right at dude's face cos you will need all the pieces when you hand it to the almighty heart patcher, to patch your broken heart. It will never be new and shiny again, the way it was before you gave it to the dude, but you would have some well earned battle scars. Just chuck it down to growing up and one of the life experiences you have to learn along the way and be careful who you give your heart to next time. Like i said earlier, dudes be clumsy and shit these days. So just don't go giving people your heart all willy nilly. Capice?


There really is a physiological reason for the way you feel when you are heart broken. 
Question: What is the best way to get over a  heart break?
Answer: As with all other difficult things in life, you grit your teeth and bear it. Time is the greatest cure for a broken heart. Everything that has a beginning will surely have an end. So put down that giant tub of strawberry cheese cake ice-cream, all that does is make you bigger.Well, exercise is good too, so eat away but be prepared to work it off.


  1. I've never really got my heart broken cos i'm yet to be in a serious relationship. I dnt hope to cos the stories i hear are pretty sad :/

  2. did a great job....

    I know the story o so's sux but life goes on *shrugs*

  3. wow... this is beautiful and sad, what women go through all in the name of love. sigh

  4. LOL..hahah u are the description..

  5. great post! You wrote it very well and it's very interesting from the start to finish.I love the photos you inserted too.

    My most popular post is about pot of gold, it has 0 comments and very short. I think it has something to do with people researching about gold then they come to my site.

  6. LoL@ pouring sugar in his tank---hahahhaahhaha!

  7. Good one Missy.getting over a heartbreak isn't easy, but mehn.. if after 2 years you are still hung-up on him, you might have to check yourself. I hate it when people hang on to shit for sooo freaking long,'s over, don't be a loser get over it!!

  8. @9aja foodie, did u say 2 years? after 6 months sef do urself a favour and check urself. those mofos aint worth sh*t.
    Nice post tho, humorous

  9. i like your humorous take on such a sensitive issue
    a broken heart is not funny at all

  10. i could definitely relate to the turmoil and shock of a broken heart. the photos were cute and funny.

  11. @kitkat: please guard ur heart dearly. You really don't want to get it broken. If it was just sad, e for good. It's more than sad.

  12. really good job at narrating heartbreak..
    Everything that has a beginning will surely have an end...i agree with that !
    this definitely made me smile

  13. Now your comment on my blog makes more sense,hahahahahaha! nICE READ!

  14. I read the blog when you first posted or maybe later. I understand why it still gets visits. You were quite blunt and everything you said was true.

    Well earned battle scars? tell me about them. Every girl needs one or two. And better before marriage than after...

  15. Madame sting, i couldnt keep from smiling as i read down this post. It was as if u were peeping at me through a window 4yrs ago! Every sentence u wrote on this post, i can relate with! Calling assasins to finish him off even crossed my mind!
    It was awful!!
    But, by the grace of God, the heart ache was actually for my good. I wouldnt EVER have thot so at the time, but in retrospect, it couldnt have happened better.
    hmmm, heartbreaks..........pele to those going through it now sha.

  16. Well im a guy and feel that you give a good generlization but i feel that some guys (like 3% or something) can not break a girls heart and that sometimes the girls are the heart breakers... some times. But really good post.

  17. I've had that happen 3 times... with the same guy. He cheated the first time, so, idk y i got back with tht f****r. :P

  18. I am going through the same at the moment. 13th January SHE left me. After 3 years. I still love her so much, but she just felt bored, didn't love me anymore. We've had plans, wanted to move together this year.
    I am wrecked. Heart not only broken, but merely destroyed, shattered into a thousand parts.
    Thanks for this great blog. Gives me the strength to live through all this.


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