Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Mental Illness and Relationships

This is something that has been on my mind and i actually wanted to ask this question last year but didn't for a number of reasons. I guess i'll ask it now.

Would you guys date/marry someone with a known mental illness in their immediate family? Keep in mind said mental illness (eg Bipolar or Schizophrenia) has a strong genetic component which means there is a good chance it can be passed on to your kids or grand kids etc. I asked a couple of friends last year without going into detail and their response was that they wouldn't regardless of how much they loved the person.

I guess it's easy to say something when you don't actually have to deal with it. It's something i have thought about especially with my background. I have worked in 2 psych hospitals and i know that these illnesses are not curable, but they can be managed and these individuals need a lot of support from friends and family. A lot of them are never able to live up to their full potential. I didn't say all of them, because not everyone with bipolar is affected the same way, same goes for schizo. There's a broad spectrum one can fall under. Knowing what i know, would i still take the risk?

What i have said is, if the guy is perfect for me and treats me well and all that good stuff, then maybe. But i don't know if i can go through with it but knowing myself, i would consider it. Consider it and pray? It's a tough decision. I guess if you don't plan on having kids it makes the decision easier but i haven't yet met a Nigerian who didn't want to have kids. I'm sure they exist but majority of Nigerian want kids.

 I mentioned a schizophrenic friend last year, just in case your mind goes there, this has nothing to do with him. His own had passed be careful, but i guess i should add this question too, would you date/marry someone with a serious mental disorder?

What do you guys think?

I understand this is a very sensitive topic and i apologize in advance if i offend anyone. That is not my intention. I really want to know what people think. Let's be respectful please (but still speak your mind).

*I'm interested in guest posts, so if you would like to guest blog on this here blog, email me at Situation is getting critical and i feel guilty taking time to blog at this point.

Someone tell me why this little bag of rice cost $4? Come to find out Basmati rice is the most expensive rice in the world. Well, i'm considering this a treat. I will be sticking to my regular parboiled rice in the future

This is why you don't go to the Grocery store hungry. I am not a snacker and i don't buy snacks because i will eat them all ASAP but these are my favorite chocolate, cookies and wafers in the world. Now u know :)

What was i thinking? I bought this almost a year ago when i was having a bad case of study-butt. I never even took it out of the packet until yesterday. In my defense, i was expecting something else not this inflatable rubber. I used it for all of 10 minutes before i tossed it. I guess it's good for people with tail bone issues. 


  1. Hmmm...this is sure a sensitive one. You know in the olden days in some parts of naija, including where I come from, they would send people to go and suss out each other's family for life expectancy, mental health, wealth, among others. That is why some of us have that stigma, and people hide away their family with any chronic health issues including mental health.

    Knowing what I do know about such health issues and their management, it's lost most of its mystery. If the person is feels close enough and is honest to tell me in good time, I would just figure it among other things to consider in deciding. I would rate the his openness and the strength of our relationship over the probability of inherited health issues which can in most cases be managed.

    There are really no guarantees where genetics and procreation are concerned. What of non-inherited disorders?

  2. basmati na wash :)
    well it depends on what part of the world you live .. In asia its dirt cheap well where I live ..... enjoy

  3. I dont think i could and the only reason would be because i would be scared to pass it on to our kids, if it was non hereditary then of course if love and all things are equal

  4. To your 1st question: Hmn...this is hard. Truth is, there are no guarantees in life so i'd like to think i would. We would then decide on the kid-having situation.
    To the 2nd question. This is harder but i don't think i can.

  5. hmm tough question...I don't think I would, especially if there is a risk my children will get it.. i think marriage is hard work enuff, and i really won't want to make life any harder esp if I know before hand of any issues that may make it harder.

    It has nothing to do with the person but how I perceive life...the same way i wont want to marry someone who is AS because I am AS and won't want to risk having an SS child.

    it might seem shallow to some but hey we all know our limits.

    btw there is a giveaway on the soulsistas blog-

  6. basmati is real cheap where come from we prefer it to long grain rice as for the question posed i can't really answer unless am actually in that situation and that will require some serious soul searching........

  7. Date/marry, I don't think I can. Especially if the condition exists before the intention to date/marry. If it develops after, different story.

    At any rate, mental issue sha?!! IT is hard to chew!

  8. I suppose it's not materially different from the whole marrying an AS person conundrum either - as aloted's pointed out.. difficult call, but i'd take a pass in both instances..

  9. Yea this is a tough one.

    I'm not the most patient person to start with, and mental illnesses require a lot of patience to cope with. Maybe if i feel like i love the person to the point where i'd develop the patience to deal with it, then maybe.

  10. I have t be honest and say I dont know what I will do.
    Rustgeek compared it to SS/AS in a way it is in a way it isnt. Yes it relates to stigma of people not 'as healthy as I', but mental refers to an alteration of psyhological states. How about schizo where they become paranoid and treat you as the enemy?
    I saw this movie 'Away with her' yesterday and i wondered how Grant endured his wife of 44 yrs not knowing him anymore.
    tough really tough.


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