Sunday, February 19, 2012

Nigerian Men and Relationships

Men....
Nigerian men?!
People telling me to expect to be lied to
People telling me to expect and accept being cheated on
People telling me to let go of my ideals and face reality...
Everybody lies....
Relationships are a game
Chess is a game.
This is my life.
No Nigerian man is faithful. 
Face that fact unless you will still be single at 50. 
Well, I'm sorry. 
I refuse to believe that every man cheats. 
I refuse to expect less than i give. 
I refuse to change who i am and become jaded, cynical, suspicious and paranoid.
I refuse to stand guard and become a detective over a guy. 
I will not let go of my ideals. 
I believe my needle in a haystack guy exists 
and i will WAIT
until i find him
I will never settle for less than i deserve. 
I deserve to be happy. 
I deserve to be in a loving, HONEST partnership
I deserve to get as good as i give. 
Marriage is not a prize 
and 
the race is not always to the swiftest. 
Believe that!

*I don't understand how people can get married to someone they don't trust. Do you realize you have to LIVE life with this person after the wedding day? I sincerely believe that a lot of females don't think past that wedding day. If you have serious issues before the wedding, it's not miraculously going to go away because he put a ring on it. *rolls eyes* Yeah, divorce is always an option, but why not take the time to find the right person for you so you reduce your chance of going that route. I believe we should all have certain standards and not settle for less just because people keep perpetuating the myth that there is no faithful man alive.Of course there's some truth to that, the average* Nigerian man is morally corrupt. They don't see woman as human beings like them. We are second class citizens. "I don marry you put for house, so shut up. What are you still complaining about?". Marriage vows don't mean diddly squat to them. Sadly a lot of women are willing to put up with that because they have accepted that and don't expect to find better. They don't even have the guts to question their husbands when they KNOW he's cheating. No need to rock the boat. Accept it as a fact of life. Pray he doesn't bring home any diseases and complain to your best friend or pastor or no one at all. Just be there miserable on the inside and smiling on the outside. After all, you've earned the enviable title of MRS. The title that has finally elevated you above your single peers. PAH!

Well i don't do average. Never have. Take for instance this Flavor/John Dumelo (Flavor body, John Dumelo head) hybrid looking guy i'm on a quest for. LOL. I'm just kidding o.

I have exams tomorrow. I can't believe i just sat here and wrote this. Well it needed to come out.


*Just to preempt some of the questions/comments, it took me all of 5-10 minutes to write this, so i didn't cover EVERYTHING in my head, including whether or not i am willing to date other people who are not Nigerian. I also believe i am allowed to complain about Nigerian men because that's my demographic, and they would be my first choice.

22 comments:

  1. Yea that's pretty much the mentality of most women in nigeria. I have been told to accept that all men will cheat and the goal is to just aim to be #1. Sad innit?

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  2. my question is do you have to date/marry a nigerian man????? i am tired of naija girls complaining about naija men if they are not good then look outside your comfort zone you will be suprised as to what is out there. Secondly naija men raised in naija and naija men raised abroad treat women very differently at least from what i have experienced if you must marry naija then marry one who was raised abroad they have much more respect for women

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  3. and i do not believe that all men cheat....there are faithful men out there.

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  4. Not all men cheat.....and this is from my trusted horses mouth yes they are more prone to cheating than women but not all men cheat just like women are more prone to being faithful but not all women are faithful....

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  5. I choose to get part of the 10%. The other women that believe all men cheat should deal with the 90%

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  6. @Anonymous: I guess the keyword is "raised" here. Cos some of the Nigerian men in America, are the worst!

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  7. LOL @ this post...My dear it's to a large extent a cultural thing

    I tackled it in one post on my blog...Women 'Society's Fabric'

    Some Nigerian men don't have that 'entitled' frame of mind... but Most DO!

    So until you find the one that's out there for you...be strong hun..because that ish isn't changing anyday soon.

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  8. Have I told you how much I love you lately???? This is brilliant, it's better to be alone than in bad company. some woman attach their self worth to marriage and relationships and they end up settling for rubbish.
    "I will not let go of my ideals. " gbammmmmm..... yes yes yes. Ideas are important, they define who we are as people and what makes us unique. There are some good Nigerian guys out there for sure, but I think there is this cultural nonsense that defines Nigerian men as the holy grail of existence for Nigerian women and most men now think they can do whatever. Enough of my rant..... question though, it's personal so you don't have to answer. Do you think you can consider dating a man from another part of the world?
    GOOD lUCK on your exam :)

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  9. Bra-T.H.-vo!!!

    I dont believe every man cheats and I don't believe that I am weird for not believing it..DEspite the messed up stuff I have seen...

    Good Luck on your exam Madam sting!
    ;-)

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  10. I go with Pendo here, it's all a matter of degrees. There are faithful men, and I agree with you that it is better to wait.

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  11. I can only speak from what I know. I know that my Dad and brothers are great husbands. My sister is demending and hot headed but her husband seems to be the only person that could handle her. She is having the best time of her life according to her because she married a Nigeria.It is wrong for you to say most Nerian men cheats.

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  12. @9jafoodie: Yes, I most definitely can and will. I refuse to limit myself that way. Have u seen the fine things that Ghana has been producing lately. *John Dumelo* Cough, cough! East African men are beautiful handworks of God. LOL.

    @Anonymous 1:41 PM: I stated my opinion that the average Nigerian man cheats. Whether or not i'm wrong or not, is a different story. I haven't done the research and i have no stats to back me up, but just the way you speak from your life's experience, that's the exact same way i speak from mine. We are all entitled to our opinions and i respect yours. Besides, average and most are not exactly the same thing.

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  13. I love this post, jare. Why should I settle? Am I not good enough to have a man who loves me and puts me first and will not cheat on me? Please, not all Nigerian men cheat, and this rubbish idea that says that they all do, is what's causing people to just settle for any nonsense and end up with unhappy marriages.

    Btw, I don't think it's about where they were raised, it depends more on the family. Even if the boy is raised in the most culturally forward part of the US or wherever, if his parents raise him to believe that he can sit and play video games while his junior sister washes his underwear just because he's a boy, he won't have any respect for women (and that's basically what cheating is, disrespect). He'll just come back and marry in Nigeria, where nobody will question that sort of thing.

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  14. Dame Sting you are living up to your new name oh.lol.:)

    I myself dont understand it o, lots of chicks I know think that way and I just feel like shaking them and saying whats wrong with you...Seee seee and just wait, the best is out there even if it seem scarce..

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  15. I wish he would!! I dare him!
    Not ALL men are unfaithful like you said. Some men are just like some women are but still there will always be a needle in the haystack, just have to be patient to look through it. And it sickens and ddisgusts me, like see garri on top of shit with someone eating it disgusts me when I see ppl, particularlly women who settle in marriage. ARE YOU MAD?! To top it off there are the one who say, "I know he's cheating but what can I do?" or "You just have to accept it and keep it pushing" **Sinister laugh** I'll keep it pushing all right. He'll be laying 6 ft under before he knew it. Like you said, ppl have to learn to not treat marriage as a prize or Mrs./Husband/Wife as a joke. Marriage is real and so is divorce but there is something called getting it right the first time. I, for one, would NOT spend my time dating someone and then finally getting married and then go through the hassle of getting a divorce because I didn't get to know him well enough or I overlooked some stuff or better, "knew" that he would change once we got married. WHO THE FREAK ARE WE KIDDING. In the good words of one of my youtube favs, if he was an "ain't shit" boyfriend, he's going to be an "ain't shit" husband. Its called the theory of Continuity!! Abeg I'm going to go study because this just got me riled up. Dame Sting, any imbecile that dares try nonsense on you, pls send him my way so I can deal with him. Anyway I trust you, you're not an anyhow person so I trust that he will be dealt with appropriately and that won't even be your portion in JESUS name. Good luck on the studying and exams

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  16. Babes one girl told me 'Jay... stop deceiving yourself, there is no man that will not cheat on you, so stop all this your dreams'

    She's like the 10th person telling me that...

    My response was that 'If it takes forever...then I will wait forever'

    I no dey rush

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  17. LOL, you've guy a guy with a Flavour body?! LOL

    You're right about people settling for less you know. Good on you!

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  18. I used to be a firm believer in this, as a matter of fact I av a blogpost somewhat related. In my experience, I av mostly dealt with unfaithful men, so I told myself to accept. Buh I av realized that I cannot accept. Much as I try, I know I deserve better I will rather be single than in a cheating relationship. Thing is I av gone full circle, m right back where I started and it is NO to cheating men. Nothing good ever comes easy I know. So I plan to give it what it takes. Thanks again for this post and giving me reasons not to waiver on my stand.

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  19. Amen to the Ghanaian men!! If only their accent didn’t bother me so freaking much.

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  20. lol @naijafoodie.

    it is almost ridiculous that so many women claim to think like this. i cant even believe that most people here are for the motion.

    imagine that recently, i was hanging out with friends and d only other chic with us was saying that she'd rather her husband had multiple galfriends dan just one. and predictably all the guys were hailing her. i just smh and dropped some swear words out of frustration!
    na we women de do ourselves, dats what i think.

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  21. I believe we attract what we believe in. If you accept that your man willl cheat you'll attract such..cause you would see the signs but cause you've decided its accceptable, you dont voice it.
    I still believe there are good men out there. Seek and you'll find.

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