Wednesday, June 16, 2010


There's this guy..................
I like him A LOT. When i met him, i didn't start out liking that. I thought he was cool, we gisted for long hours and it flowed. He's always been a treat to look at cos besides being cute with a capital Q, i really think he's gorgeous, but that's just me. He doesn't agree with me, but like i always tell him, he's not the one looking at himself. I felt very comfortable talking to him cos there was none of that, "i like u" vibe going on. I kind of knew he liked me, but it wasn't something that i thought about. I could tell him how cute i thot he was cos i didn't like him.... like that. I even told him that i'm glad i didn't like him cos if i did, i could see myself REALLY liking him.

I don't know what happened, how it happened or exactly when it happened, but things have changed. Now, i like him...... like that and i am scared. I have been very mean and nasty to him lately and i'm worried. I'm not sure why i am being nasty to him. I'm being a total spoiled brat with him and i wonder if i'm trying to chase him away. Make him not like me anymore, that way this "thing" between us no longer exists and i am no longer vulnerable.

I'm really not sure why i have been acting this way and he's so tolerant although sometimes i can sense he's losing his patience but i still keep on being mean. Then i feel bad and apologize cos even as i'm saying the things i'm saying i know i'm wrong. I don't know if i'm testing him and seeing what my boundaries are or maybe i want him to see the worst side of me, that way if he sticks around, i know he really likes me. I'm sitting here psychoanalyzing myself and i've not come up with a conclusive answer. I guess that psych degree was good for something afterall. I just hate behaving like this and i'm worried i can't control myself and then he ends up disliking me. 

In other news, i've been sick. I feel like my body is fighting something. My lymph nodes under my neck hurts, i've had this headache for over a week now, I feel crappy, plus my poop has been white for a week (forgive me if i grossed you out). Something to do with my bile ducts, not sure. I freaked out today cos i think it's worse when you don't know what's wrong with you. I don't have health insurance, i need to look for a doctor, don't know if i can afford to pay when i go see one. Just a bunch of crap. I'm going to go try to see a doctor tomorrow though cos i'm not getting better, i'll probably go to an urgent care clinic. I refuse to go to the ER over this. I'll be there forever, and i don't think this is a case for the ER, even though my dramatic side thinks i might be dying.


  1. *sigh* love issues... smh... always a bummer and confusion starter to know what to do. What I am going to say is going to sound corny, but try praying about it... you just never know, it may help you sort your feelings out. And dear, you don't need to sit and pyschoanalyze yourself... if he is urs, then no wahala... time will tell :)
    P.S I feel ur pain on that health insurance thingy... most students are in the same boat... please see the doc oooo. Its prolly not too bad... hopefully.
    Take care :)

  2. White poop ke?? Ha that sounds like it needs to be checked out. All the best o, hope you feel better soon.

    As for your guy issue - can totally relate. Been there, lived to tell it (not happily). What are you going to do about it? Me I'm an advocate for happiness so I always tell people do what makes you happy (in this case, go for it! LOL) but I'm not always right so er... sorry. :)

  3. Please go check out your health girl, that is more important right now. Those symptoms don't sound good at all. Take care..

  4. Alas! you have being shot by the cupid angel..& you are resisting it ...let it be!...he might have the same feelings...go & see a dokita sharp! sharp!..hope not all these cheese cake you de chop o?....*grinning*..take care ok?


    I don't think you are dying. I think you are scaring yourself. You'd be fine. Scorpios and Scorpions are always fine. ;)

  6. LOOOOOL! @seye!
    And LOL at ur love issues---i think its cute--i miss the stage when i felt like this tho--but hope it works out tho--for both of u perfectly, hopefully you dont chase him if he is that "mr right" and hopefully chase him fast if he is "mr wrong"--LOL
    in other new--get well sooon!!

  7. *sigh* Man/boy issues.

    Pale stool immediately made me think cholecystitis but you didn't mention pain after eating so it might not be but still sounds like someting bile related. Hope you get to see a doctor soon.
    Take care.

  8. Please go see a doctor sharpish! Your health is very IMPORTANT! Kpele!

  9. @Mwajim Al: Nawa for this your name o!

    Miss.fab: We'll see sha! I'll let life play out.

    Myne Whitman: Thanks to my procrastination, i still haven't gone. Will be going soon.

    @Ms. Nitty: LOL @ the cheesecake comment.

    @Seye: I didn't know i was forming for you o! Sorry. How art thou?

    @Gee: Thanks. Hope it works out too!

    @Mizchif: Choleckini?

    @Dee: Thanks. I will.


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