Thursday, February 11, 2010


I think it's interesting how we think we are one way but the reality might be different. That's why i hate those tell me about yourself question. Big med school interview question, btw. Well, my sister told me a couple of days ago that i was condescending and after having time to process it and observe myself objectively, i think i believe her. It was easy for the message to sink in cos it wasn't like we were fighting when she said it. She said it a couple of times while laughing after i said something to her fiance, so i asked later if she meant it and she said yes. She repeated something i said to him and made me put myself in his shoes. What i said sounded totally different from what i really meant. I agree cos when i get into arguement with people and they try to say, i didn't do this or you can't think that based on what i did, i always say that I am the recipient of ur behavior, let me tell u how u came across, cos most times we just don't know.

Being told i am condescending has made me more aware of my thot process especially when filling out job applications. Most of the time i'm thinking to myself what kind of stupid questions are these. I feel like these jobs are beneath me. Now before u go rolling ur eyes at me, let me tell u that i've only had 3 jobs. The first one was working for my dad at his liquor store. I did that for almost 5 yrs. Overlapping that was the research assistant job that became a research technician job, and overlapping the research tech job was the mental health assistant job. So i've never worked in a fast food restuarant or department store or any of the places pple start out working at.

The thot of being paid $8 an hour just totally rubs me the wrong way. I was making way more than that as an undergrad. I wouldn't even have given a second thot to what i was thinking abt this job search process if my sister hadn't said i was condescending. So maybe i am condescending or maybe i'd rather be in school instead of looking for some bullshit $8 an hour job. I don't really know, but i am applying though. I need to pay those bills and i don't do idleness very well. So i guess when the time comes i will get off my high horse and go to work and have a good attitude too. That's what professionalism is all about. At least i learned that from my 6 month stint in med sch. It's so crazy that even when things were at their roughest in school, i still didn't c myself doing anything else. When my M2 friend came over to c me, she asked me if i won a million dollars would i come back to med school and i said yes and meant it. I told my sister yesterday that if it was someone that was making me do this, i would have left it a long time ago, but instead i feel driven not just to become a doctor but more than that. I know my life's purpose lies in there somewhere. I don't think i'm going to save the world or any of that idealistic crap, but I know i have been put on this earth to make a difference. I know it and i will see this journey to the end.

I am paranoid that one of my classmate is reading this blog. He used my computer when we first started school and found my blog from the history. He admitted to reading it and any time he would take my computer he would read my blog. Which i didn't like. I don't know if he was curious enough to memorise my blog url or he just searches for my blog title which is easy to remember. I noticed that someone did that when i was looking at google analytics. Also, someone from the city my school is at has been coming on this blog. Well, i had a reader from that city way before i started med school, so it could be that person. Who knows.

I'm just paranoid esp since right now the dude is not one of my favorite pple. He was the 2nd person in my class that i told what happened. He went and told this chic that i'm not friends with and actually had issues with which he KNEW about and she calls me and leaves me a message. I was so angry. I called him and he opened his mouth to say, i thot u would want her to know. What?!!! At that point i knew it was just gossip. Then he was like, oh, do you know the other person in our class that this happened to. I told him i didn't hear anything and he said "let me shut up cos i'm really sounding like an amebo". At least he got that right. This dude has not once called me to see how i am doing. Not once, since Jan 10th when i told him, and after i called him abt telling that other chic stuff. Not once! And silly me was thinking he was my friend. I went to his church twice and even called him once after service, he never picked his phone or called me back. What kind of human being is that. Yet pple who were my hi-hello friends have called me to check on me or even sent me facebook messages. People never cease to amaze me. I'm still learning sha. I shouldn't be giving everyone the title of friend.


  1. kpele dear, people will definitely shock you. Particularly those you think have your back. Don't worry too much about that classmate of yours.

    RE you sister saying you are condescending. It is always nice when someone that loves us takes the time carefully enlighten us about our character flaws. It is an art. None of us is perfect and all we can do is tackle one flaw at a time.

    Wishing you the best.

  2. I go with Solomon. The truth is bitter at times but it's afterall for our own good. I remember once I was holding a dance session and I told the dancers about how we've all gotta pay 'just' $5 each for t-shirt print. One of the girls groaned and said how could she afford that and I think I sed "how can u not afford that" in a way that apparently made her feel sad and she kept quiet.

    I didn't know the effect of what I said bcos this last part of the story was later told to me by one of my friends that was present at the time. I thut about the scenario and I just felt really bad. I'm even yet to apologize...dunno if she'd remember or maybe it wud be awkward...or mayb I should just let it go. I dunno.

    Anyway sha, about that your friend I'm disappointed !! He's a one-minute friend.

  3. It can be really difficult applying for jobs you're overqualified for but like your sis pointed out, one has to be careful to get the tone right. If not, the employers will detect it and turn down the application. I wish you good luck in the search.

  4. Those you strive to be friends with don't even bother with you, most times anyway..stop with the effort making and just be yourself.. you try too hard to be nice.. looks fake..

  5. @2cute: I try too hard to be nice and it looks fake? I wonder how u pull that out from this post.

  6. Sometimes when people give us feedback, we only need to sit down to think and see there's some truth in what they said.

    As for your classmatena wa o, a guy doing gbeborun like that! Don't worry even if he's reading, it's his business!


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