Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Words You Will Only Hear from a Nigerian

I saw this on facebook and it cracked me the hell up. Thot i'd share. Naija 4 life people, that's what's up!

1. Insult upon injury
2. Nonsense and Ingredient
3. If i sound u ehh, I will soon slap you
4. How Far?
5. Can i see your particulars?
6. Anything for me sir?
7. Are you mad?
8. Half-caste
9. Next tomorrow
10. Make i come block you dia
11. Lie, Lie
12. See me see trouble oh
13. Shift for me, lemme sit
14. abeg vamus
15. nonsense say wetin happen
16. Abomination
17. Over my dead body
18. God forbid bad thing
19. I need to retouch my hair
20. all words with 'bloody' eg bloody fool, bloody liar
21. Na wa oooo
22. Tell me something
23. Why do you want to know my name?
24. I beg joo
25. Can u imagine,
26. wonders shall never end,
27. Tofiakwa
28. Chei, Kai
29. Oya
30. Hold on I want to branch somewhere
31. Come and Escort Me
32. Stop at that junction over there
33. Borrow me your pen/biro
34. Still yet
35. Me and you will enter the same trouser
36. You are so annoying
37. Why? Because Y has a long tail and branches
38. What is the time? Quarter To buy your own
39. Effico
40. ITK- I too know
41. Muumu
42. How are you? 'We're managing'
43. and so what?
44. I want some assorted biscuits eg Rich tea, Digestive
45. Your face look familiar
46. You are so daft
47. NFA- No future ambition
48. Are you already ready?
49. That is so dry!
50. My belly is full
51. Did they sack you?
52. I trekked all the way here
53. Where is the toilet, I want to piss
54. I want to drink cold mineral
55. Which ones now?
56. He was trying to toast me
57. Jacker
58. Your head is not correct
59. Have you seen that film before?
60. Just imagine!
61. My school fees money
62. No wahala!
63. Reverse back small
64. Oya, shake body
65. Shine your eye
66. Carry go
67. Don't try me o
68. Enough effizzy
69. Nna, You chop?
70. Ashewo bastard!
71. What happen?
72. We must wash am!
73. Eeyin, but why? (meaning ore/aboki/friend-- why now?)
74. You f--k up!
75. No be soooo!
76. I will see you today, athink?
77. Cold iced water!

I added some of mine
  1. Short Knicker
  2. Effizy
  3. Lai lai to lai lai
  4. Na so?
  5. Well done
  6. Big Madam
  7. Oga Sir!
  8. Tufiakwa
  9. God punish you
  10. Singlet
  11. See as e be. Winch!
  12. Extreme end
  13. Full to the brim
  14. Waka waka
  15. Ashewo, ten kobo
  16. Me nko/you nko
  17. dress from me small na
  18. Shege banza
  19. you kiss crase?
  20. If i wooze you
  21. walahi, talahi
  22. Nna bros
  23. Katakata
  24. Dem send u come?
  25. You see me for night?
  26. Odi kwa risky
  27. Bad belle
  28. Long throat
  29. Waka!
Oya, make una add una own.

Naija Bloggers Award 2009, coming soon!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Kill yourself?!!!

Kai! I don dey work since 10.30am today and i never do anything. You would think that this lack of not actually doing anything at work would make me happy cos i'm getting paid regardless but the thing tire me. Now, is there work for me to do? I'm sure there is, but forgive me if i have no interest in looking for the work. If it's not obvious, pressing work count me out, i no do. Yet, i tire like who dey farm since early morning.

I have checked my email 20x, if i've checked it once. Read blogs, finished reading my novel, hounded payroll about my money (those winches never still pay me oh!), ate three times and i've been steadily eyeing the clock. I know when it's time to go home, that's when someone will decide they have something for me to do that will take 30 minutes, like they did yesterday.

Omo mehn, i tire. I never knew lack of activity could make u tired.

Oh, i was going to gist u guys of the teenager that did a number on himself. I saw him the last day i worked at the hospital which was Saturday evening/Sunday morning. Unfortunately, my friend passed away that day and i got sidetracked. This 19yr old boy decided that he was tired of life and instead of trying to kill himself like a normal person, he decided he was going to hack himself, for lack of a better them. You need to see his body, it was like some kind of decoration in a disturbing way. He had three large gashes on his neck that was initially bandaged when i saw it.

I remember thinking "wetin do this one?". After the bandages were taken off, you could see the large cuts with stitches on them. He slit his own fucking throat! Lets not talk about the other peripheral designs that were on his neck. When i went to take his vital signs, it took a lot out of me, not to have any reaction at the state of BOTH of his arms. Have any of u ever seen the arms of someone who cuts themselves? This one was times 10 of that. There were lines and lines of both horizontal and vertical deep cuts on his arms. I've never seen anything like that. How disturbed do u have to be, to do that to urself. If i didn't know better i would wonder if they don't feel pain. I've asked a cutter b4 how she can cut herself knowing it's painful. She said you don't feel the pain until after.

Looking at him after learning that my friend passed away (yeah, another crazy friend of mine decided it would be a good idea to text me that information while i was at work), I was so pissed. Here's someone who took great pains to kill himself, yet he's still alive, being "babied" by staff. What the fuck?!!! Yet my friend who was at the prime of his life, looking to get married and settle down soon, is taken away from us without any warning. That is fucking ridiculous if u ask me.

No! I don't think my friend's life is worth more than the dude or vice versa. That doesn't stop me from being mad. Life is so not fair. I just wanted to slap him silly and say please, value ur life. Get help, go to therapy, for goodness sake do something other than trying to kill yourself. There are so many people who wish their loved ones had being given a second chance at life, but life doesn't work that way. Just Stupid! Same thing with the cutter, she had tried to kill herself 4 times. I told her to go see a therapist so she can learn better coping skills. I doubt she'll listen to me though.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Oh GoD!

Excuse me while i go mourn my friend.

Samson, i can't believe u are gone. So no more random, out of the blue phone calls? Who's going to call me his baby without it having any sort of romantic connotation? I'm glad we got a chance to reconnect after 5 years and you saw your baby was all grown up. I'll miss you, Samson. I knew something bad was about to happen, but i never thought it would be YOU! Not you, WHY? I can't believe i'll never hear your voice again, chat with you or even get a chance to see you again. I'll really, really miss you, Samson. The world is a darker place without you in it. Rest in Peace.


Thanks everyone who left me a comment. I was really shocked at his passing and it made me really sad. I keep looking at his number on my phone and thinking "so i will never talk to him again?" I regret all the times i saw him online and didn't chat with him (i'm usually on invisible mode on yahoo messenger). I think of all the times he called me, and i never went out of my way to call him back. The only times we would talk would be when he would call me, and sadly that's the way i am with a lot of my friends. I regret that a lot.

I'm trying to change things and at least start to make an effort with my friends. I have been contemplating visiting Nigeria this yr b4 i start school and his death just helped me make that decision. I need to see my friends again. The friends who i grew up with, the people who love me and will never walk away from our friendship for no reason. People who i know have my back as much as i have theirs. I need to be around them and enjoy their presence and thank God for preserving all of us. True friends are really hard to find and being in this country and meeting all the people i've met and having all the experiences i've hard has proven that point, over and over and over again. I am thankful for the true friends that God has blessed me with and i cherish their friendship.

Go tell ur true friends how much you love them. it's important.

Friday, January 16, 2009

The Tool Academy

GOD save us from bad boyfriends!

There's this new show on VH1, "The Tool academy". I just stumbled upon it this afternoon. You guys should check it out. It just made me glad that i'm not dealing with boyfriend wahala and all that jazz! God abeg oh!

To those of u who are, in whatever form, i say Pele! Ko!

Thanks to y'all who volunteered to help with the Blogsville Award. Pls email me at chacha4mi@hotmail.com so i can have ur email addresses. As soon as this weekend is over (as usual, i'm working like crazy), we'll start planning the thing. With all these brilliant minds working together, i bet it'll be awesome.

Special shout out to Toluwa! You are awesomeness personified. Muah!

P.S Do u know those crazies at my job (lab) did not pay me today?!! Somehow, somehow, they misplaced my timesheet, and my $2 raise was supposed to take effect this pay period. Una see how devil dey find my trouble? Thankfully, they said they'll cut me a check on Wednesday instead of me having to wait until the next pay period. They'd better!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Emmmm......

Hello Dear,
How are you today my name is miss jennifer,
iam a yung lady i saw your profile today at(bellanaija.blogspot.com)
and i became intrested in you,i will also like to know you  more,
I hope you will be the true loving, honest, trutfull,
God faring,trustworld,sincere, and caring man,
that I have been looking for,
And I have something special to tell you about myself,
So please reply me now so that I will send you my  picture and
tell you what i want to tell you about my self.
God bless you,

yours love Jennifer.

Abeg, my people make una help me understand this email wey i get. I know the name Sting is kinda masculine and i vaguely remember someone saying they thought i was a guy. But on my blog profile it clearly states that i'm female. Why am i now getting a love abi na interest letter from a female? See me see wahala. There's nothing about this blog that doesn't reveal my identity as a female. Some blogs are gender neutral like rethots ( i always thinks he's a female, even after he clarified, i still forget), my blog is not one of those. Wetin i wan come tell this woman wey dey write me love letter?

I read the Mrs. Club. After i have digested this chinese food that i overfed myself with, i will come back and talk about the book (another day o!, this food no ready to digest any time soon)

As for the naija bloggers award, only GNG and toluwa have even "hinted" that they might be interested in helping. Neither of them have committed o! So as at this point, it's just me. I've already contacted my friend so he can design a pretty decent logo (or whatever it's called) for winners. We need different categories, like someone (can't remember who) suggested, "Most diplomatic blogger" etc. We have to come up with those. I want us to have really fun categories, not the regular old bootleg stuff. Also, i think we should agree on the title of the award, like should it be Nigerian bloggers award, naija bloggers award or blogville abi na blogsville award etc.

Come oh! We all need to agree on this... Is it blogville or blogsville? And for some reason whenever i see blog(s)ville, i only think of Nigerian (or honorary nigerian) blogs.

Seriously guys, u all are DULLING big time. I can't do this thing by myself. I need people to brainstorm with and exchange ideas so we can make this thing fun.

I remember in secondary school, we used to have the "MC" awards in my class. We had categories like MC cute, MC struggling to bubble, and MC i must contribute (Ezinne) etc. Me and one of my best friends always used to win MC cute. It was a lot of fun cos we had really silly categories that kind of made sense, at least to us. I miss my class girls menh!

Anyway, ur thoughts and suggestions are welcome. Leave it in the comment section, email me (chacha4mi@hotmail.com)!

Ciao people.

Sunday, January 11, 2009

Award time......

This year is off to a very promising start. So i just received this cute (i love butterflies and i love pink) award from Oyin. In my quest to discover new blogs, i stumbled on hers recently and she deemed it fit to pass this award to me.

Ha! Eat ur hearts our blogville........................ I kid, i kid!

The award states "This blog invests and believes in PROXIMITY - nearness in space, time and relationships! These blogs are exceedingly charming. These kind of bloggers aim to find and be friends. They are not interested in prizes or self-aggrandizement. Our hope is that when the ribbons of these prizes are cut, even more friendships are propagated. Please give more attention to these writers!

Deliver this award to eight bloggers who must choose eight more and include this cleverly-written text into the body of their award."

I really like this award because of what it's about. When i first started blogging in 2007, for the longest time, i didn't allow comments cos i wasn't trying to meet anybody. I just wanted a place to unload my troubled thoughts. Now, it's different. I don't mind meeting people on here. A couple of you guys are my friends on facebook, and the very lovely miss GNG took the time and effort to call me one time when i was having some issues and needed someone to talk to. What could be sweeter than that? She's awesome.

You guys see the right side of this blog...... look! It has my email address. Feel free to use it if u have questions or what not. I'm always happy to receive emails, now replying is another thing. Just joking. All you pre-meds out there, naija or otherwise, feel free to email me. Bumight was very helpful and encouraging when i was going through that process, so i definitely want to extend the favor to anyone else i can.

Do u guys remember this award? I said i was going pass it on, and i never did. Well....... it's a new year. I guess (as hard as it is for me), i'm going to stop being so selfish and pass this award along. If you hear ur name, come to the front of the class, stretch out ur hands. Six strokes of the cane, cos you all have been naughty.

  1. Good naija girl
  2. Bumight
  3. Solomonsydelle
  4. Temite
  5. Crase.... i mean, Vera
  6. Toluwa
  7. Invisible
  8. Standtall
  9. Mizchif
  10. Geisha
I know she said 8 but i did 10 cos i can. These people, in one way or the other have shown that they deserve this award (i mean, strokes of the cane), so it wasn't a random pick. It was very well thought out. Alright guys, pass it on.

On to other related business. You all know award season is about to start. The Grammys, Emmy, Golden globes, Razzies or what have you. I'm not exactly sure cos i never watch these things but i remember (vaguely) that it's usually at the beginning of the year. I think we need to do another Nigerian Bloggers Award thingy. Taureanminx and Azuka came together and had one in 2006. Vera talked about it here. There's a lot more new nigerian bloggers on the scene. I wasn't even a blogger when the first one was held. I think it's going to be a lot of fun. Picture blogville idol 08. Besides i think it will help wake up all u lazy ass bloggers who have refused to update. ABBIE..........!!!!!! UPDATE!!!!!!

So who's up for it? I most definitely would love to be a part of it, but since i haven't done it before i have no illusions i can even begin to do it by myself. We need other interested parties who can make this thing fun and maybe put some life into blogville, help us come together, discover new blogs, embrace new bloggers and all that good stuff. Thoughts, comments, suggestions............ Leave it in the comment section, email me (chacha4mi@hotmail.com), whatever. Let's make this happen.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Enjoy

I'm going to be working like a crazy person this weekend. I work tonight 11pm-7am, then i go back 3pm-11.30pm, then 7am-3.30pm Sunday. Got to make that paper baby! Anyway, just wanted to leave u guys with two of my favorite scenes from Will and Grace. Jack getting coffee is the absolute best. I love that show. Enjoy.


Jack Speaks with a British accent



Jack Coffee

Thursday, January 8, 2009

The Mrs. Club


So i FINALLY got a copy of The Mrs. Club by Ekene Onu. I have been meaning to get one since it was released last year, but i kept putting it off until i completely forgot about it. On Sunday, i remembered the book and promptly ordered it off amazon and it finally arrived today.

I love reading anything Nigerian/set in Nigeria or by a Nigerian Author. I loved Chimamanda Adichie's Half of a Yellow Sun; Purple Hibiscus was alright. Helen Oyeyemi's The opposite house was too confusing for me to finish but i liked The Icarus girl. My favorite Nigerian book to date still remains The Concubine by Elechi Amadi. I actually ordered it off Amazon last year but it has since disappeared from my book case. That's what happens when u have sisters who like to read also. I also ordered Say You're One of Them by Uwen Akpan which is a collection of 5 short stories set in Nigeria. It just shipped today so i'll probably get it Monday. Oh, i have to say this, I loved, loved, loved The Kite Runner by Khaled Hussein. I know it's not set in Nigeria, but it's a pretty awesome book. I intend to get A thousand Splendid Suns as soon as i can.

I haven't opened The Mrs. Club yet. Hopefully, it's as good as i anticipate. Haven read as many books as i have, i can tell if a book is good from the first couple of pages. I just read the back of the book and they say she is a thirty something writer. What's up with us females not wanting to say our age? I'm guilty of that and i couldn't tell u why it makes me uncomfortable if my life depended on it. Well........ if my life depended on it i'm sure i could come up with something.

Anyway, i'm looking forward to reading the book and i'll be sure to come let u guys know what i think and if u ought to get off ur asses and go grab a copy, if u haven't already. I know, i'm almost a year late, but better late than never.

Eh....... Ms. Vera, before u are out there meeting all those crazy men with multiple personalities better go and finish ur book oh! so that i can buy it and help u promote it for free. Don't think i've forgotten that u were supposed to be writing a book. Oya, Ah le le, go and write!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Favorite blogs

Alright people. It's 2009, new year, new things abi? Well, i'm looking for new bloggers, or old bloggers i haven't discovered yet. In the past i used to basically blog hop and find new blogs in the process. Now, i'm kinda of busy with my two jobs and all that jazz and don't spend as much time on my computer like i used to. As a result i just read the blogs on my blog list. A lot of u on my blog list have been misbehaving by not updating regularly and that means i don't have that many blogs to read when i'm on here. I should flog u all for that but i forgive u cos it happened last year.

As much as i love u all (to death :-}), i want new people, GODDAMMIT! I would like anyone (who is inclined) to leave as many blog links as they would like in the comment section. Help a sister out. I know i'm lazy.

I'll start by introducing u to one of my favorite blogs of all time Buchela! I love this blog. She has the most adorable kids. I'm kinda a lurker on that site cos i rarely leave comments, but i'm there regularly. Check it out and don't forget to share ur favorite blogs with me. Oh, and i used to like this blog too. But i got sick of looking at stupid people and i don't go there as much. Besides, there was a blog entry on that blog where a lot of the AFRICAN AMERICANS who visit that site left very racist comments about Africans. It made me very mad. I hate when they do that. It's really very ironic given the nature of the site. Anyhoodle, u can check it out if u like.

I see all u pple oh! You guys better leave a link to ur fave blogs before going to check out my favorite blog. Ah ah! No be so oh!

I'm hotter than u

I thot this was interesting. The study was done with Nigerian women vs. African american women. I want to go back to naija. I bet i'll lose this weight in a jiffy.

Monday, January 5, 2009

Hey guys, welcome to my blog. Sit back, relax, grab a cup of coffee and enjoy!

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