Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Kill yourself?!!!

Kai! I don dey work since 10.30am today and i never do anything. You would think that this lack of not actually doing anything at work would make me happy cos i'm getting paid regardless but the thing tire me. Now, is there work for me to do? I'm sure there is, but forgive me if i have no interest in looking for the work. If it's not obvious, pressing work count me out, i no do. Yet, i tire like who dey farm since early morning.

I have checked my email 20x, if i've checked it once. Read blogs, finished reading my novel, hounded payroll about my money (those winches never still pay me oh!), ate three times and i've been steadily eyeing the clock. I know when it's time to go home, that's when someone will decide they have something for me to do that will take 30 minutes, like they did yesterday.

Omo mehn, i tire. I never knew lack of activity could make u tired.

Oh, i was going to gist u guys of the teenager that did a number on himself. I saw him the last day i worked at the hospital which was Saturday evening/Sunday morning. Unfortunately, my friend passed away that day and i got sidetracked. This 19yr old boy decided that he was tired of life and instead of trying to kill himself like a normal person, he decided he was going to hack himself, for lack of a better them. You need to see his body, it was like some kind of decoration in a disturbing way. He had three large gashes on his neck that was initially bandaged when i saw it.

I remember thinking "wetin do this one?". After the bandages were taken off, you could see the large cuts with stitches on them. He slit his own fucking throat! Lets not talk about the other peripheral designs that were on his neck. When i went to take his vital signs, it took a lot out of me, not to have any reaction at the state of BOTH of his arms. Have any of u ever seen the arms of someone who cuts themselves? This one was times 10 of that. There were lines and lines of both horizontal and vertical deep cuts on his arms. I've never seen anything like that. How disturbed do u have to be, to do that to urself. If i didn't know better i would wonder if they don't feel pain. I've asked a cutter b4 how she can cut herself knowing it's painful. She said you don't feel the pain until after.

Looking at him after learning that my friend passed away (yeah, another crazy friend of mine decided it would be a good idea to text me that information while i was at work), I was so pissed. Here's someone who took great pains to kill himself, yet he's still alive, being "babied" by staff. What the fuck?!!! Yet my friend who was at the prime of his life, looking to get married and settle down soon, is taken away from us without any warning. That is fucking ridiculous if u ask me.

No! I don't think my friend's life is worth more than the dude or vice versa. That doesn't stop me from being mad. Life is so not fair. I just wanted to slap him silly and say please, value ur life. Get help, go to therapy, for goodness sake do something other than trying to kill yourself. There are so many people who wish their loved ones had being given a second chance at life, but life doesn't work that way. Just Stupid! Same thing with the cutter, she had tried to kill herself 4 times. I told her to go see a therapist so she can learn better coping skills. I doubt she'll listen to me though.


  1. Yiiiiippppeee!!! I'm first!

    I can soo relate with idleness being tiring, i mean you can only sleep for so long!

    I can't stand pain of any sort, so i can't wrap my mind around the idea of cutting and such and the like. Also, this life is short anyway and shd be cherished.

    Hope u get your pay check soon.

  2. I know life must be cherished. In fact I once did a rant on the same thing once. But the thing is, and I am sure you know this, these people are not normal. There is a chemical imbalance in their brain and they would do anything to stop the pain. Their machine do dey function well well. And Life is really crap.

  3. funny you should blog about htis today!
    I had a patient this morning who came in and told us that she had unfolded a paper clip(not the small one, the large one!) and inserted the whole thing into her skin...all the way.
    Why? because before she used to swallow them( ie more unfolded paper clips and sewing needles) but it hurt when she does it.

    Then the had the nerve to start pestering me when we are going to scan her, she hasn't got all day you know!! It took every single ounce of willpower in me to bit my tounge and say nothing!

    Sorry about you friend

  4. C'est la vie...I'm've said it all...hope you're good

  5. Oh yea, lack of activity does make one tired, i really dont get the logic behind that.

    Kai, babe..all i can say is that i dont want ur job! Gosh..

    And why the hell r they refusing to pay u??

  6. its sad that some dont value their live & those who do r dying.

    True life aint fair, but really nothing is.

  7. I think it's a bit rash to say someone doesn't value his/her life because she's contemplating suicide. You never know what is ailing someone, and it might not be a case of life valuation, as opposed to the person being so emotionally drained, or so frustrated that they can't think of living another day.

    Noone wants to die, so someone that actively wants to do so must have a lot going wrong/on.

    You're working in a psych ward, you should be more sympathetic about this. Sorry about your friend, and it may appear like I'm ranting, but I find it upsetting how people can be so insensitive to people with psychological problems.

  8. @Onydchic: I'm the last person who is insensitive to anyone's psychological problems. I don't have a degree in psychology because i am insensitive to people, neither do i work in a mental hospital because i am insensitive to people. It takes a special person to work in a mental hospital. More than anything u have to have empathy for people.

    This is America, if u have something weighing u down, there are a lot of resources put in place to offer u assistance. You could see a therapist, call a suicide hot line etc. So forgive me, if i get mad that whoever, didn't pick even one of the options available to him/her. ESPECIALLY, given the fact that my friend just passed away.

    I am human!!!!!

  9. so so sorry about your friend..and i can imagine how u felt considering the whole sucidie situation..

    Hmm...people need help men..prayer and's just so so sad

  10. Boredom or lack of activity Sting?

    I do see sense in what Temite said because I really wonder if a normal person would attempt such method or any method that has to do with taking your own life

  11. Why would someone resort to suicide as a means of solving their problems.
    such people need a lot of counselling.

    Even if you want to kill urself, why make it painful? There are other painless alternatives now!!!

    Abi na show of bravery??
    The thing tire me o!

  12. yeah suicide is pretty much a selfish thing to do. Sorry bout ur friend but i can totally understand where you are coming. At the same time, there is a reason why his suicide attempt did not work.

  13. very strange world i tell you. things we dont understand that will drive people to want to kill themselves. i remember one night two years ago, on my way home from work. on oshodi apapa express way, as our bus sped pass, we all saw a young man, shirt still tucked in, his tie flying in the wind, eyes tightly shut, standing in the middle of the highway, waiting to die. its shocking.

  14. Yeah,she does need help but i don't think she really wants to die if she's already had four unsuccessful attempts, she is desperately begging for attention, a varied form of munchausens'[LOL] people really are crazy!

  15. Thanks for the warm welcome:) have been tagged! see my page for info.Gracias!!!

  16. I'm so sorry to hear of your friend! hope you are alright.... y'all that work @ hospitals are blessed.. i think i'll be crying seriously.

  17. Sorry about your friend.

    Its amazing what people are going through,they really are sick mentally and just cant rationalize.

    I just saw the comment you left on my blog weeks ago and have fixed it :)

  18. Life is funny, isn't it? My sista, pele, no vex too much. We mere mortals will never understand things fully.

    Take care.

  19. You've been tagged!! Go to my blog and do the meme i've posted there!!!



  20. that idelness thing is not a funny matter o..i feel you..
    the suicide guy..he was not wrestling against any flesh and blood..
    sorry 'bout your friend o, some things we'll never understand///

  21. Sting, u know u could just come to Bmore and keep me company. U and I could go on a romantic date. bet you'd like that/

  22. I know what you mean. I guess different people have different thresholds for pain. It doesn't mean they are mad. It is actually logical to want to end the pain. Life is crap like temite says. But you can decide to make lemonade out of your lemons. Or just give up and die. Suicide
    is the cowards way out but it is a way out! Painful suicide is so it doesn't seem so cowardly to the person. But the pain inside is actually more than the pain outside. That's how cutters feel, the cut themselves hoping the physical pain will distract them from the pain inside or because they feel they deserve to be punished.

    How are you coping? I know how painful the death of a loved one can be. Just hang in there and remember the best things about him that made him your friend in the first place.

    All the best.


Hey guys, welcome to my blog. Sit back, relax, grab a cup of coffee and enjoy!

  © Blogger template Writer's Blog by 2008

Back to TOP