Friday, January 16, 2015

Men for sale!!!!!

Single ladies, are you tired of praying and fasting? Kabashing into the night? Standing naked facing east, holding your breasts and asking the lord to bless you with your life partner?! Anointing your whole body in olive oil blessed by Father, looking like the thanksgiving turkey before it enters the oven? Rubbing honey down there and eating copious amounts of pineapple all in a bid to hook that dude?

My sisters, are you tired of asking God if you forbid a husband or smiling like a sheep and answering "very soon" when people ask you when they will come and eat your rice when all u really want to say is "go to the market and buy rice if that what is hungering you" Are you tired of dodging from that Auntie that won't let you drink water and keep cup, who has made it her life's mission to hook you up with the most ineligible bachelors the country has to offer - like the one whose garlic breath can cure cancer, or the one who's Igbomerican fone broken/fighting-with-english accent makes every conversation a nollywood experience.

Well, cry no more, your prayers have been answered! This sale is for you!

Everything must go!!!!!!!!!! 75% off all tall, short, stout, white, black, asian, brown, yellow, ugly, not so ugly, good looking, fat, fit, half man, half beast, penis possessing homosapiens. Any variety of man you desire, we carry.

Your days of  being an unpaid and undervalued housegirl all in the name of auditioning for position of wifey, is about to be over. Come and purchase your husband!  2015 is your year!!!!!! The year you will sell your own aso ebi! Don't let this pass you by.

Our people say, "Shine your eye well during the day so you don't have to strain it at night". What are you waiting for?! Put on your clothes, leave that deliverance service, the demons stopping you from getting a husband have failed already. Tell ur enemies in the village, ntohhhhh.....They did not succeed! That your neighbor that looks at you with pity like you have a terminal illness is about to be blinded with jealousy when you show up with the man of her dreams. Your family can now stop holding family meetings on your head. Your mother can stop her never ending fasting and night vigils over your "problem". You will no longer be a prayer point in her monthly church prayer meeting. You are about to be a wife!!!!!!!!!!!!

Early Bird Special included. Come 24 hours early and and you will be entered into a contest to get an additional 25% off. That's right, play your cards right and you might get one for free.

All sales as is.
Absolutely no returns or exchanges allowed. Sales are FINAL!
Limit 1 per person. Can purchase an additional 2 as back up or to dash the less fortunate sisters in spinsterhood who can't afford it. Would make a great birthday gift.

Good character, Integrity, Maturity,  Compassion, Honesty, Trustworthiness, Caring, Intellect, Loyalty, Love, Faithfulness,  Positive attitude, Self confidence, Ability to be a good father and husband, Ambition and all those other qualities on your list for an ideal man not included.

*Additional parts sold separately.

While perusing our extensive display, you break it, you pay for it. We do not guarantee performance satisfaction. Please take that up your maker.

Hurry, this is a limited time offer. Sale ends soon!

*Most parts are not available for sale as they are no longer manufactured. You will have to manage it like that.

Sale Location: I would have to ask my friend because from the questions, statements and comments she was making yesterday, she knows where they sell men. When she tells me, I will now now come back and inform you people.

9 comments:

  1. Lol! Haba dame sting....After all the advert lyrics...

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  2. Lol even me wey get husband wan take advantage of the opportunity because of this advert lmao

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  3. Hahahahaha! Nigerian people (I'm assuming here ni o!) and their silly questions and inability to mind their own business! Shakes head...That was a very apt response sha.

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  4. Lol. Thank you for this.
    Please when she reveals the location of this market come back and tell us.

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  5. Lmaoooo biko, help me book like 3 even when she tells you the location

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  6. hahahahaha>>>>Reserve two for me, fantastic opportunity

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  7. LOL *tears*
    You will not break someone's ribs here one day

    ReplyDelete

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