Tuesday, February 12, 2013

My Husband was a Virgin = Boring Sex

 I found this on Slate

Question

In my college years, I was sexually adventurous, to say the least. In my later 20s, I found my way back to my church, and decided to start fresh, and wait until marriage. I met my now husband in my church singles' group, and we have been married for just over a year now. He knows nothing of my sexual past, I didn't feel it was necessarily his business, and he never asked. However, he was a virgin when we married, and there is the problem. He is really lousy in bed. I've tried to suggest ideas to spice things up, but he looks confused when I do. Also, when I've made certain suggestions as to say, positions, he asks how I'd even think of something like that, so I told him I'd read about it online, and he got worried I'd seen porn! I don't want to tell him about my past, but I don't really want to spend the rest of my life in missionary, when there are so many other options. If I reveal too much knowledge about sexual acts we haven't done, I'm pretty sure he'll decide I was "used goods" and he shouldn't have married me—are there other ways I could drop a hint, without revealing too much about my own past?

Answer

I'll never understand people who don't go for a test drive before purchasing the vehicle. When you say he knows nothing of your past, I don't know if you mean he doesn't know the details or he thought like himself, you had no sexual past. If the latter then you married under false pretenses. This problem goes beyond him being inexperienced; he's not interested in becoming experienced. So you two may have a fundamental mismatch. You need some honesty in this marriage. Without going into numbers or details (and don't be bullied into revealing them) you tell him you know about sex because you've had it. You say your experience could make your marriage much more exciting and you want to explore sexually with him. If he thinks you are damaged goods, then what a favor he'll be doing you by ending it now.

What do you guys think of both the question and the answer? I did not write either. The link to the original is at the top. Don't want to be accused of plagiarism cos some people are quick to do that. 

18 comments:

  1. I think your suggestion is apt. From your first line- i didn't know u were in support of test driving...

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  2. I agree with the answer, and want to add to the initial question - buy christian instructional DVDs, maybe that will help.

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    1. So there are christian instructional DVDs?

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    2. My dear, I was going to ask d same question.

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    3. I just assumed there are, I know there are books.

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    4. Wouldn't that be pornesque? Lol

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    5. LOL! I was watching the Real Pastors wives reality show (Sisterhood) and they had a Christian sex expert on the show. Definitely, the bible's instruction of no test driving was to put anyone in bondage.

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  3. I also agree with your answer. Buy Gary Smalley's The Act of Marriage. He will love to read that one because Smalley is a preacher, not knowing that The book explains it like you are watching porn. Lol!

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  4. I don't necessarily think one needs to take the car for a test drive but you definitely need to discuss certain expectations. Sexual compatibility doesn't just happen. Just because you're married doesn't mean that your spouse is gonna be down for whatever either. Everyone has boundaries and non-negotiables. Its to everyone's benefit to discuss those non-negotiables (and any peculiar proclivities as well) beforehand, otherwise you end up in a situation like this.

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  5. Sometimes I go :0 when I hear or read issues like this because I assumed it comes naturally and no human is completely 'blind' to the things of this world! No matter how 'Christain' they are!

    Really I don't have much to say because even a new born baby knows how to suck immediately you direct her mouth to the nipples!

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  6. I think she should take matters into her own hand..rather than suggest. show...
    Take the reigns lady!!!

    *Goes back to reading holy book*

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  7. Sexual issues causes much problems in the house, may God deliver us. That's when you'll see them fighting over a spoon dt wasn't placed properly, not knowing it all brewed up frm d bedroom..

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  8. Tell him. I shouldn't think it is that much of a big deal
    If he's really a child of grace, you shouldn't have too much issues
    Get some counselling, some pastors are pretty graphic i assure you.
    I am not married yet but I have heard from reliable sources that after money, sex is a big issue for guys.
    I heard communication helps your sex life too, so if you aint talking
    expect boring, no, very very very boring. Do talk with him dearie
    A marriage is about two people becoming one, not two people acting.

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  9. He's not that innocent either
    I think you guys are acting for one another.
    Christian or no Christian, I believe he has libido
    that means sexual drive and its more pronounced or
    maybe more obvious in guys.

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  10. I think thebest Advice for you is to watch a porn movie together with him. He will learn from there. But make him understand that there is nothing in Porn movies

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