Saturday, March 12, 2011

(non) Virgins?

 Warning: explicit post alert

I was talking to a friend not too long ago, just gisting about general stuff. We started talking of his friend who was a virgin but pretty much had done everything (else).

 Ok, you guys should help me figure this out. I will have to be explicit, so please brace yourself. So this chic has pretty much been fingered, licked from head to toe, given and received oral but because she hasn't had penis to vagina penetration she can still claim virgin status and be proud about it too, like she achieved something. Something is just not right with this picture, at least to me.

How about a friend whose culture pretty much said, you sleep with a guy, you marry him or rather you better not sleep with a guy or you get killed if your father finds out. So this chic, with her hijab and all, you will never ever suspect she was as "sexually" experienced as she was, even going as far as anal sex. Yet, she was a virgin!!! o_O

Ok! Call me old school, sexually repressed, unadventurous or even a prude, but i think anal sex is a bigger deal than vaginal sex. Oh my Jesus, i don't even want to imagine it. Let's not talk about all the complications with that. My sister is a nurse and she tells me stories (hint rectal abscess). Just reminds me of the expression my friend used to describe a particularly bad exam "Raped in the ass without lube or condom". he he..... i know that's neither here nor there, but i think that expression is very apt in certain situations. Anyway, back to the anal sex thing. How can someone who has experienced the joy or sorrow, or just the experience period (ewwww) of anal sex still open their mouth and say that they are virgins?

This thing is not making any sense to me o. I guess this brings me to the definition of virginity. From my observation, i guess different people take it to mean different things, some are even liberal enough to expand the definition to include whatever makes them sleep better at night. Okay o!

If we only want to include penis to vagina sex to rid you of your virgin status, then that means all lesbians who have never been with a man, but have had sex with women are virgins them? I think even they would disagree with me. This is where having a lesbian friend would have been useful, but the only one i'm on speaking (hi hello) terms with, would probably think i've lost my mind if i dared approach her with such a topic.

Long and short of it is, i really couldn't care less what someone's status is, virgin o, none virgin o, that's your problem but what i do have a problem with is the people who like to deceive themselves and decieve others in the process. That i have a problem with and i will say something about that because as far as i'm concerned you are practicing reverse hypocrisy (don't bother googling that, i just made it up).

As far as i am concerned, if a man has been all up in your honey pot, either with his fingers, his lips or his tongue or you have touched and have been touched in very private places (apparently both back and front these days), sucked and have been sucked, paraded in your birthday suit in front of a man, amongst other things then you are not a virgin!!!  Stop lying to yourself. You can call yourself that all you want, and that's allowed too but stop disgracing yourself by telling people that you are one, then still telling them of your sexual escapades with the same mouth you used to suck someone's dick the night before.

That's my 2 cents. What's yours?

P.S I'm done with exams. They tried to kill me, almost succeeded but i'm a strong African woman. Home for spring break with my boo boo, love of my life, sweetheart, my heartthrob (according to kitkat), the one and only Izzynator, my 18 month old niece :). and i'm loving every second of it.


  1. Well said! I agree completely. These issues have been pretty known to me since ive grown up with girls who have lived very restricted lives like that. I partly blame their lunacy on their super strict parents. I used to know a girl who had to live all 'decent' and covered up. She'd go down-town and change into the most hoochiest outfit Ive ever seen and do cocaine. Needless to say I no longer know her. I also have another friend who hasnt done all the stuff you said, but she brags about her virginity to EVERYONE in the most unfitting settings. Instead of usign it was what it should be, your private choice, she's using it to shine in.. Im off the track here but basically I agree 100% what u said...girls like that should stop claiming. Shes not a virgin. Sting wetin you do here anyhow! Okay you are allowed, we all need a break sometimes :-p I havent studied at all myself lol.

  2. @Adaeze: How far now? I'm glad we are speaking the same language. I'm done with my exams o! Home for spring break :)

  3. hahahahahaha! welcome back madam sting sting. I miss u small small.Yea, i learned a few years ago from a roomie that just because they haven't put in the vagi for more than 5mins means they are virgins. This babe was dating a man and pretty much doing it anal. It is very disturbing o. If you wan chop lizard, chop the whole thing na...why you wan change mind when you reach the head?? lmao!
    Matter of fact, i think they should have virginity percentage. If you have kissed, you are 80% a virgin. if you do anything between neck and stomach=60% a virgin. anything between stomach and front=(-)100% virgin. anything below, above, front, back= yea, you should already know :)
    Good post!

  4. This reminds me of my post about the definition of a virgin...I want to comment on this soo bad but I'll be back....

  5. Im agreeing with you so much here. It seems everything these days as it relates to sex is subjective- in such a way that if you do or don't want to be considered something, you will define it in such a way that your own experiences are excluded. Like a girl who says a person who has had sex with 6 people is a whore but she herself has had sex with 5 lol. Or like u said with this virginity example. Its all a private matter so i dont even know why ppl worry themselves over whether they are this or that. Good post sha!

  6. @Mrs. Newlywed: I c u really like my name :) So na only small u miss me? Hmmmm.... lol @ if you wan chop lizard, chop the whole thing. You r so silly, but u are right sha! NA wa o, so anything less than 5 mins doesn't count? That's news to me. ha haha ha....

    @Iwalewa: I'm waiting on u o. Come back.

    @Lady Ngo: You are so right about the hypocrisy. Seriously, there's barely any difference between 5 and 6. It's alright to be subjective but don't brag about it when it's obvious you are deceiving yourself, that i have a problem with.

  7. i agree with you on almost all counts. like if u've had anal sex, i dnt think u shld open ur mouth(no pun intended) and say you're a virgin. there's a reason the word "sex" can be found in its name right?lol
    BUT that aside, i dont think if you've made out with someone or engaged in heavy petting, it makes u a (non)virgin. like if someone has ran his tongue all over you.. all u got from the experience is someone's saliva on your skin.. see? virginity intact :) lol. lemme run before i get dissed :p

  8. lol @ kill me o! The only thing you got was saliva? lol. Too funny. I agree with that sha. Making out with someone is not included, that's 2nd base so you r good.

  9. you have said it all o jare..i need to make one my friends read this cos we were talking abt it the other day..and anal sex?! *shaking my head*

  10. Absolutely, anal sex is a bigger deal than virginal sex. Anal sex is like getting a Phd in sex. Claiming to be a virgin after be....fcked in the ass is living a lie.

  11. OMG yall are just sexually repressed females.... lol, so if you have oral sex with a man, does that mean that the girl is no more a virgin because she sucked his dick? (excuse my languguage). you cant go around calling a spade a tractor, it doesnt make sense.
    the first thing is you have to decide on what definition of virgin you are deciding to us? are you using the webster definition or you are using your own make shift definition as to what you think a virgin is???? Abeg oh.
    technically, a virgin is a person who hasnt had sexual intercourse with a man (sexual intercourse is the act of sexual procreation between a man and a woman; the man's penis is inserted into the woman's vagina and excited until orgasm and ejaculation occur) it basically is a the process of making a baby.
    the last time i checked i dont believe babies get formed in the mouth or in the anus.
    yeah, they may be very freaking virgins but no dick in vagina, then they still are virgins.
    anyways, that my 1 dollar coin on the issue, i would appreciate it if my comment isnt censored thank you very much.

    and btw to all virgins, spoiler alert, the first time you do have sex, you would surely be disappointed, you would hate the fact that the build up and fantasy you had in your head was not as cracked up to be what you though it to be, its a case of Expectations Vs Reality. but it only gets better, you would eventually learn to love it ardently and passionately, especially with the right person.

    p.s. check out my blog

  12. lol@ Mrs Newlywed...Madamme sting, hope your exams went well. Can see you back with a bang. own is, people should be real!

  13. @Nikkisho: Thanks jare.

    @Tiwa-boy: I'm glad i'm not the only one who thinks that.

    @forbidn2us: I can only begin to imagine the antics u get up to in the bedroom since u think we r sexually repressed :) I don't think that just because someone has given oral sex she's no longer a virgin. I think we should go with Mrs. Newlywed's idea. Cos after sucking dick, i'm sorry, ur viginity status should drop like 10%.
    So u r telling me that if someone has done it all, even fingered to orgasmic heights, just because a dick wasn't stuck in there, she can still claim virgin status? I don't agree with that o. So that means all gay and lesbian people who have only been with same sex are virgins?

    @Vyvyka: Yes Mrs. Newlywed has the best idea right there. My exams went well and i agree that we should be real with ourselves. Thanks.

  14. Lol some people are funny sha. Hope your exams went well? Enjoy your break :)

  15. I have tagged you in the One lovely blog award. Check my blog to claim it

  16. lmao.
    hope your exams went well oh?
    good to have you back.

  17. From a physical standpoint, sex get levels. A girl who has only kissed is different from a girl who has done oral. In my opinion, there's no difference btw anal and vaginal sex.

    From a spiritual standpoint, I don't know how many virgins are on this planet. All our fantasies alone disqualifies almost everyone.

  18. like you said, everyone defines it to suit their circumstance....well medically, they say one is still a virgin as long as the hymen is intact....what if it breaks from say horse riding? is the person still a virgin?

    i think your friend's friend should stop claiming jor...she sounds experienced as they come so to me, she's not a virgin

  19. abegg oh She don do pass some people wey don marry for 30yrs sef....If she has done all of that where then is the virginity???lol. Is it a state of mind???LMAO!!!!!!

  20. The girl dey craze, tell am say na me talk so. You give and receive oral or have anal sex and claim you are a virgin? There isn't an argument. They are not virgins. End of story. Even if na only your breat dem suck sef, virginity don cancel be that. Pshieuwwwww

  21. Madame Sting- there is one award awaiting you for my blog now. come and check it out (though Vyvyka has given u the same one already lol)

  22. I can't help but laugh at this. Interesting stuff..

    My own issue is why being a virgin is seen as a status symbol? Like seriously. You've achieved what? You've solved the world's problems? It's a different thing if someone says they're remaining a virgin because of a pact they made with God (because in all honesty God tells us to only have sex within the confines of marriage). I respect that. I'm all for that. But it becomes problematic and hypocritical when you claim to be a virgin because you want to form "holy holy". That's just silly. People need to stop letting others define them by their sexuality. That just irks me. I also think that "culture" can be such a problem. It's amazing how it promotes oppression and double standards...

    And per anal sex (raped in the ass without lube or condom just kills me, wow), I've had discussions with friends/acquaintances and read articles that say it depends on the techniques used for anal sex so that said sex is done safely...Oh well...

    Haha @ "Call me old school, sexually repressed, unadventurous or even a prude."

  23. Hi darling i just gave you an award, go to my blog
    to claim it. xoxo

  24. YAY!!!! She's back and exams did not swallow her.

    I love the frankness of this post.
    Before, i'd have said that anybody that hasn't had penetrative sex (vaginal or anal) could still be considered a virgin, but now that you mentioned lesbians, i guess that statement is not so valid.

    I honestly do not see why virginity is such a big deal and why people feel like they have to lie about it. There is no prize.
    However certain cultures place heavy value on the whole virgin matter thereby encouraging this hypocrisy and self-denial.

    Well, to each their own.

    Enjoy your break dear.

  25. Okay I'm back!!! I really like this post but sorry I don't agree with everything you said(maybe I'm just saying this so that my "experiences will be excluded" like LadyNgo said but I don't care)...I'm really starting to believe that virginity is a state of mind(don't know if that makes sense)...anyways most people have their own ways of defining virginity like it depends if you're giving us the christian/bible definition, dictionary definition or the world's definition like forbidn2us said...In my own opinion, you're still a virgin if you've given or received oral sex, been fingered or even licked from head to toe(sorry) but I DON'T believe that you're a virgin if you've had anal sex...

    BTW...I said virginity is a state of mind cause some girls that were raped still claim that they're virgins and I agree.....

  26. @shorty: I agree. Thanks, i survived 2nd block. Gearing up for third block.

    @Vyvyka: Thanks so much for the award.

    @LEggy: How art thou? It's been a minute. Thanks, my exams were good.

    @Prism: Sex really get levels. LOL @ physical and spiritual levels.

    @Funms: Of course someone who broke their hymen from horse riding is still a virgin, unless the horse was a man :)

    @Sisi Yemmie: LOL...i think it's a state of mind for some o!

    @Mamuje: LMAO. She definitely no serious.

    @Lady Ngo: Thanks for the award.

    @Shade: That's my problem with these people. The hypocrisy of it. First year of university, this chic who was friends with one of my best friends, was claiming virginity and bragging about it too. I ended up being friends with the best friend of the guy that was gbenshing this chic, so i got information. My friend was still bragging on this chic's behalf and i told her to sharrap and check her facts before she talks about someone. The news came out sha, they traced it back to me but i didn't care cos she was just being a big liar. I don't know why it's a big achievement that people have to lie about.

    @Chizy K: Thanks for the award.

    @Mizchif: Thanks o! It almost swallowed me. Na wa for those people.

    @Iwalewa:) Okay, let's agree to disagree that virginity is a state of mind. Where the state dey. Just like my friend was telling me yesterday of chic who have grooved life, decide to settle down and become born again. After staying celibate for a year, they will now claim old things are past away and say they are virgins cos it was in the past. I don't agree with that logic o. As long as you have had sex, Jesus might forgive you, but it is what it is. You don't grow back your hymen and erase all ur escapades from your memory, do u?
    When this chic is servicing her husband with skills she gained from her old days, old things have most certainly not past away.
    Like Mrs. Newlywed said, i totally agree that virginity should be in percentages. Can you compare someone who has never been with a man in any capacity with someone who had given and received oral and been fingered. So when the totally chaste person is talking about virginity, the one who has been fingered will still be talking? Well, she can talk, but just not loudly. Just sofry dey talk am.

  27. on point! i concur with ALL you said! it leaves me confused at times the way people stress out about being virgins! Abeggiii, TELL ME o jare! who dem dey deceive? GOD or themselves?

  28. I thought that was why the term 'Technical Virgins' was invented. Everything but....

    Funny post Ma'm Sting.
    I remember a girl in my secondary school coming to announce to the dorm at her first kiss 'i have dis-virgined by lips' (off point but KitKat's comment reminded me of it).

  29. Madam Sting - we need more posts like this one o! All in favor say AYE!
    p.s u know who this is lol how were exams na?

    My take - you're partly right. The definition of virginity is really a personal matter IMO. Whoever wants to claim the v-card for whatever reason, its on their own head. The grey area btw v or non v status is too much abeg - but for me - any kind of penetration don confirm say u don graduate.

  30. very interesting post and comments. I agree with those that say virginity shouldn't be an issue even..

  31. hmm. virginity!!!

    well, before i had penetrative sex, i had been kissed and fingered and i considered myself a virgin till my hymen was torn.

    so i guess its subjective and we all define it to suit ourselves

  32. this is serious o. dont know what to say, but i think that virgins can do better and keep their mouths shut. its between them and them. the whole world doesnt have to know.
    and u said it right. when a man has seen u naked, what is the whole essence? committing iniquity aint no different from other category of sin

  33. Yeah, for myself it would come down to who I was trying to convince. If it's myself, I might have a credibility issue. If it's some patriarch who thinks he has a right to kill me if my hymen intact, then only the provable standard of virginity would be relevant, so yeah, in that case hymen = virgin.


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