Thursday, March 17, 2011

Close your legs to married men

I don't think i'm supposed to go where am about to but i am going to because it's bothering me, just like it bothered me today when the lady working the jewelery department at Kohls' acted like i was going to do a grab and dash. Last time i checked, i don't look like Lindsey Lohan. Since it bothered me so much, i had to call and complain to the manager after i got home because my annoyance wasn't going away. So you see, i'm a doer. I have the dubious honor of being the most "rash" person my friend knows in the sense that when something bothers me, i have to do something about it.

So a blog for most people is a sanctuary and the anonymity it provides (especially for most Nigerian bloggers, including yours truly) gives us the ability to be completely honest. Well, i can no longer claim anonymity and i have a good number of people who know me in real life, know that i run this blog. In fact, my friends know and read this blog and i have made non-blogger friends through this blog (Hi Dartmouth aka Okon's houseboy or something).

Anyhoodle, I've been blogging and reading blogs since 2007 and i've seen all types of blogs. Blogs written by aristo chics , people who have been sexually abused, etc etc. I enjoyed reading some of these blogs because they taught me things i would otherwise not have been exposed to. I learned about how silent our Nigerian community is on the issue of sexual abuse (coincidentally, Vera's radio show is going to be talking about that this coming Saturday). For the most part, i would like to believe that I'm not judgmental but there are some blogs i have landed on that have left me speechless or full of judgment aka passing judgment even though no one died and made me God. Although, i think it is really a case of "not understanding" more than anything else.

My motto in life is live and let live and i really believe that and practice that in real life. Funny how i was asked that question in one my med school interviews by the 3rd year who interviewed me and that's exactly what i said. I believe that life is too short and too difficult that you need to let people do what makes them happy unless it involves killing people, raping children and things of that nature. All this long story is just to say that i stumbled on a blog today that has left me o_O.

The aristo chic blog i mentioned earlier did not shock me, however, i was disgusted with majority of bloggers who pretty much gave her a pat on the back. I was disgusted because i figured if these same people knew this chic in real life, they would not be so quick to condone her lifestyle and would most likely be the ones talking about her behind her back. I just didn't like the hypocrisy of it all.

Blogs that talk about sexual excapades and go into great details...........for the most part i don't read. I don't even read sex scenes in novels (and i started reading mills and boon in JSS1) because as far as i'm concerned long and short of it is "they had sex". I don't need to know the details, not remotely interested. Same reason i have never read a book by Zane, just not my thing.

Blog by a mistress? Speechless. I just am. Maybe i should be more open-minded but i have strong feelings when it comes to that. I always put myself in the wife's shoes. How can you justify being with a married man? You don't do single men.......blah blah. Some statements in that blog just rubbed me that wrong way and she had the effontery to pray for the wife. Like i commented on that post........."wowzers and not in a good way".
This is not the first blog by a mistress i have stumbled on, but for some reason, this one just rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe because i just blogged about how to deal with a cheating husband.

With all that being said, i still believe people should be free to blog about what they want. Nobody is forcing me to read any blog, so i'll just continue to read or not read and zip it on blogs i don't " like". I am probably going against blog etiquette by blogging about this, but whatever.

"Close your legs to married men" - Nene Leakes


  1. lol..u dnt read the sex scenes in mills & boons?? O_o u also cover ur eyes during the sex scenes in movies?lol..dnt get me wrong, i think it's cute :p
    about blogs that are so X rated with contents that leave u in shock..i'm always curious so ofcos i read 'em if i stumble on them, but it's funny hw ppl cn be so fake when they comment. half of the ppl wld never condone stuff like that in real life. they jst wnt 2 be polite, and maybe get a follow back in the process. plain simple.

  2. haha @ covering my eyes. I am by no means a prude o. I just think it's boring to read. I don't need to know the details, i get the point already.

  3. I have not read such blogs..hope not to come across it becox.............................*i just dey laugh!*

    about commentators;SOME display double standard! like you said, this anonymity thing gives people the 'power' to say whatever they like becox there is no face behind the name! talking of anonymity, you do not allow anonymous comments in your blog..why?

  4. @Ibhade: I will send u this link to this one. No worry. lol. As for anonymous commenters, i just prefer it that way. When i first started blogging, anonymous commenters were wrecking havoc all over, so it turned me off them.

  5. I am about to turn the anonymity feature off too. Cant be having anonymous 1,2,3

    About dating married men, sometimes we fall fir people and we cant help it, i get that. Sometimes married homes are broken and it turns out to be for the greater good, but those are very rare instances.

    Those are the exceptions more than the rule. To say that you only date married men is alarming but I am also of the opinion that the only person who needs to respect a relationship are the people in it. If the man doesn't respect his relationship enough, why should some random chick who just needs cash do it?

    Then again I also believe in karma. It's a touchy subject

  6. Don't dish out what you cannot take. Mistresses are sowing a seed that they or their children will in future. But its not their fault, they don't really understand the consequences.
    I don't intend to read such blogs cos there is nothing to gain from it, I am already suffering from information overload.
    As for the hypocrytical commenters.....

  7. hmm like IB said am yet to come across that type of blog. Please tell me she shows some type of remorse???

  8. abeg ive not come across those blogs oh, please share the links with us. Sex scenes is the reason i dont really like watching romance movies or reading romance gets

  9. @Vanity: I understand that things happen and you can't help who you fall for, but i believe that you have absolute control over what you chose to do with those feelings and with that person.

    @ilola: I agree with you on the Karma thing.

    @MrsNewlywed: If she showed some kind of remorse maybe i would not be so irritated. She doesn't show any remorse at all.

    @Sisi Yemmie: I have been blogging for a while so these blogs come and go. This mistress one, i just found yesterday. Well, technically she's been on my blog list for a while but i have never had time to go through her blog until yesterday. As for an aristo chic London Chameleon. She stopped blogging a long time ago but her posts are still up. As for the mistress blog, wouldn't i be looking for trouble if i pointed you in that direction?

  10. how come i haven't come across any of those blogs???

  11. Madam Sting...put link na.

    Then add a disclaimer to say

    ''I havent asked anyone to click on link...any issues resulting from you clicking on link is entirely yours''

    Abeg na...I gats to comment on this aristo chick blog....please?

  12. I think I might have read and even commented on the mistress post, but I'm not sure. That Nene Leaks phrase is so catchy. It's been printed on my brain from the moment I heard her say it.

  13. I agree with u completely. Sorry o, I dont have any f'ing tolerance for mistresses. Like I said in my previous post on my blog, women need to lock out for each other. If we did, the world might not be as tough on us. WHy do something to someone else that you would never want for yourself. TUfia.
    have a good weekend Sting

  14. Sting, I agree 100%. There are certain blogs I read that make me raise my eyebrows way up. There are also certain blogs I read that make me roll my eyes. Then there are the blogs I read that make me want to find the person an slap them.

    As far as mistresses go--even if I was the wife in question--in the end I don't think I would get too pissed off at the unknown female. Its the husband that is the real bastard in that scenario.

  15. God is already blessing you, just for writing about this topic He already is.
    ..... I know this hubby snatching and blah blah happens everywhere, but it's quiet disheartening how it is glorified in Nigeria. I mean... pple make mistakes n all... but when your soul purpose is to ruin homes for money or fame or whatever they do it for... it is sad. infact hen... this is a topic that is too dear to me....I am a subject of a broken home and my mum so happened to be the breaker. SMH.... these pple don't know the magnitude of pain they cause, and if you are stupid enough to leave a child in is the child who suffers in the long hall.
    I should go study for my exam 2mrr. but yeah...God bless you for writing about this!
    PS: the lady for the jewelry store dey craze!

  16. Very interesting post. Something is up with you if you only date married men. First thing first-don't give a married man any attention or face time to talk you into a sexual relationship. I blame the men and not the girls in situations like this. I have not seen such blogs but I sure wanna read them. I don't understand why a youg girl would blog about asexual experiences with a married man.

  17. hmmm so where are these sexual blogs?? I've only found one and I tell you, I read for almost 2 hours straight! Abeg give us links jo! lol
    And looks like yours is turning into one of those types sef *pat on back.
    As per the girl you reported to her manager - can you rly blame her? I mean she's just doing her job, prob got some stuff stolen recently. No blame am too much abeg

    ps thanks for the shout out :)

  18. Any Nigerian woman is justified in being with a married man.

    You are forgetting that our constitution guarantees the right to practise polygamy.

    I am disappointed that this is the direction the post is taking - that it is the fault of the woman.

    It is up to the married man to keep his face to his wife.

    As a Nigerian you CANNOT say women should close their legs to married men because having an affair with a married man is LEGAL in our country and PROTECTED by our CONSTITUTION.

    And never mind the fact that personally I am not a fan of polygamy. Never mind the fact that neither I nor any of us here would be happy if we found out that our husband was having an affair but the fact remains:

    If your husband is sleeping with someone other than you, it is HIS fault and HIS actions.

    The other woman (as long as she is Nigerian and as long as your husband is Nigerian too) is not at fault because from her position, your husband is pursuing a polygamous relationship.

    I'm sorry, but we really need to stop blaming women for the wrongs of men.

    So, married men:


  19. Tell them o to close their legs to us o. But some of these girls will not understand that you are actualy trying to protect them. They may call you 'old school'. But if after telling them and they refuse to listen, then leave them to us, we will teach them some things (lessons) they don't know. Lol

    I just opened my own blog account this week. Please I will appreciate your viewing it. Thanks in advance

  20. @Sirius: There are not a lot of them, i have stumbled on a few.

    @Nutty J: The 2 aristo chic blogs i have read are old blogs. The bloggers don't even blog anymore. Google London Chameleon. The other one i can't remember. The mistress blog i am referring to which made me write this post is still a blogger.

    @Prism: Nene is an idiot cos her bestfriend Diane who is not on the show, is a baby mama of twins to a married man she had an affair with. She should have said that to her too instead of just Kim or whatever her name is.

    @Adaeze: WE are on the same page. We should look out for each other, but you know that's not going to happen.

    @EDJ: You are right too. The husband is responsible for protecting the sanctity of his marriage and not the other woman, but still some women don't help matters at all.


  21. anyone can blog all they want,
    my own motto remains "don't do to others what u don't want others to do to u" simple

  22. I'm yet to come across those blogs...the last quote reminds me of my suitmate...anytime we go out she always say "Keep your leg close miss."...needa keep the leg close to all men not just the married ones

  23. lol ure sooooo gonna make me go thru ur recent blog post to find this person and trust when i do i will put everyone out of their sure if i will tell but i will soo find it...yeh i think its both ways men and women have to learn to be satisfied cos the same way she made a post about sleeping with marrried men ...another blogger will post something about sleeping with married i hear u...peeps that are supporting it will be the ones in real life to backbite...ur quote is live and let live,,,,
    mine is
    "onikaluku kpeluu ti e"
    which translates as everyone with their own flaw ...burden etc but it sounds better in yoruba

    its ur girl barefeet

  24. i should probably just refrain from commenting but i'm in the kinda of mood you described earlier "if sth bothers me then i'd do sth about it".

    it probably is not good enuf to standby and watch things happen without having an opinion about it BUT even then i have learned that life does not turn out the exact way we planned it, esp with matters of the heart. i think everyone should just get off their high horses. some commentators on here are doing the exact thing the other pple did on the mistress' blog-trying to be polite. i'd politely say that in the final analysis polygamy is an African thing, but men have taken 'advantage' of the fact to cheat on their wives. it was going to eventually happen that women will find a way of cashing in on it too - thereby aristocracy.

    me i dont condone plus cheating husbands, plus aristo chicks or even the underlying prnciple of using sex to get/give something but i wont be quick to judge anyone who has chosen whatever path they are walking. all i know is that all this judging never did anyone any good! like someone else said i'd prefer to preach the (very-difficult-to-do) close your leg to all men/women which translates to stop committing fornication/adultery period!


  25. I have no problem reading different types of blogs, and my motto in life, I try sha, is 'To each their own'. Me I no be saint. As for mistresses, aristos and such, maybe I can learn a thing or two, :)

  26. There is blog etiquette?...Didn't know that... Can i have a link to the book for it please?

    If a girl doesn't date a married man and her husband cheats...what karma is following her?

    Would you rather she went to a babalawo to tear the marriage apart than prayed for it to be kept?

  27. @Tega: I dey bow to u o!
    By talking about blog etiquette i was referring to whether should i be blogging about other blogs? I can't give you a link to a book, i don't know if anyone exists.

    As for praying instead of going to a babalawo to tear up the marriage, how about not being a part of the deception that might destroy the marriage in the first place. If the dude is open to his wife that he has other women, that is a different story but if it's been done in secret then he's an ass.

    At the end of the day, it's the man who's ultimately responsible for keeping the sanctity of his marriage and he is the one who failed his wife, not the other woman. So she's good. Whether or not Karma is going to bite her in the ass.....i don't personally know Karma so i can't say but i have heard that she's a bitch.

  28. @Sugabelly: Your point would be valid if the woman knows her husband is seeing other women and is a practicing polygamist. Even though polygamy is part of our culture, a lot of people don't practice it or agree with it, so sorry i can't agree with you on that level.

    Married men are allowed to have affairs because it's legal and it's in the constitution? That's hogwash! I refuse believe u believe that. Does the wife know? Does she agree and condone it? IF he married her in the church and took vows then i'm sorry, you can't say that to me with a straight face.

    I do agree that it's the man's job to keep his eyes on his wife and not look at other women. Some of these girls don't even know that the men are married. However, for the ones that do and still go ahead and then try to justify it, shame on them.

    Don't do to someone what you would not want done to you.

  29. Madame Sting na you get the title...and the no bow o...for I am just a girl...

    My people say "Na from clap them de take enter dance"... Every polygamy started from something clandestine..It's where you take it

    I could argue my point for days...but why? Myne said..."Each to his own"

    Do you really think people are hypocrites just because they agree with something you don't..we can't all agree...who makes the standard for morally right?..Let it be us, our conscience and our God

    As per Karma I hear she does people for anything from stealing pens to murder...Let us be righteous and judge not that that we may not be judged

    Have a good one babe

  30. Meehhn, i soo read the sex scenes in mills and boons.I even know the approximate place in the book they usually have the first scene lol

    There is no justification for dating a married man. Non at all. I don't condone it and i don't even tolerate it.

    Lovely blog! Great find for me


  31. @Tega: I still dey bow to u.


  32. Well I'm with you on this matter: a person who knowingly enters into a relationship with a married person, and anyone who cheats on their partner will not get my support (though if you've ever read the Emily Giffin (chick lit author) book Something Borrowed you might find yourself sympathizing with "the other woman"). But yeah, I can't ever pretend to support that kind of behaviour.

    For me, "live and let live" means I won't try to kill someone who has a different philosophy on life from me. However, if someone is into something that goes against what I stand for, and they want my support in a way that requires me to go against what I believe in, they aren't going to get it. That doesn't always mean I can't be their friend but sometimes I may have to end the friendship.

    I was going to ask if it's considered polygamy if the woman is not aware that her husband is cheating, or if a man doesn't tell his wife that he intends to be a polygamist. Although polygamy is not illegal in Nigeria, I would expect my future husband (if he's Nigerian) to let me know before we marry that he intends to be fact I will make sure I ask.

  33. Interesting convo going on here.
    Women close your legs to married man
    Married men close your eyes to other women. End of story.

    But mistress making her affair public? that's so evil cos obviously she doesnt care for the man. Why hurt the family too by making it public?

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