Sunday, January 2, 2011

Too Westernized

5 years! That’s the landmark…..once you reach that magic number of 5 years of living in America, you automatically change. You become less Nigerian and more American.

Really?!!!  Yes….. really.

So how does it happen? Is it magic?
Well….not really magic and I’m not sure how it happens, but trust me it does. I know all this crazy Nigerian chics and they have all been here more than 5 years and I know they were not like that in Nigeria.

So what does it mean to be westernized?
  • Once you start to think that you and a man are equal and the only thing different between the two of you is your anatomy. 
  • When you start to expect that you be equal partners in a relationship and expect roles to be shared based on strengths rather than prescribed gender roles.
  • When you become aware that you have a voice and decide to use it. 
  • When you start to expect things out of a relationship that your fore-mothers didn’t dream of expecting, 
  • When you don’t worship the ground your man walks on and kneel down to serve him his meals simply because he's a man.
  • When you don’t quietly take all a man dishes out to you just because you really need a man and he happens to be the last man alive.
  • When you dare mention the word police even as the man decides to reconstruct and redecorate your face even though he is not a plastic surgeon. That is so not Nigerian.
You see, a real Nigerian woman, will sit there and take it. She was properly brought up and knows her place. What’s the big deal about her man cheating? All men cheat, it’s in their DNA. Your mom took it and looked the other way, why can’t you? Is it because you are now in America, you now think you can open your mouth and talk? He’s beating you and so what? It’s a man’s duty as the head of the household to keep his family in check. What’s a few slaps here and there? You know women are naturally hysterical creatures and their brains need to be reset with some hard knocks every now and then. Sit there, shut up and take it. If he hits you too hard, you can cry o! Ehen, nobody said you can’t cry, but don’t be wailing and making all that noise thereby disturbing your man’s precious sleep. You know as the head of the household, he needs all the rest he can get. Never mind that you work 12 hour shifts Monday through Friday. Your fellow nurses who have as many kids as you do, only work 3 days out the week, but your husband insists that you have to work the money he spent sending you to nursing school after all, you are his investment.

How can you as a Nigerian woman who was properly raised expect a man to help you around the house? Do dishes? Wake up in the middle of the night and help with the baby? You have lost your damn mind and you better do something about trying to find it ASAP. You don’t know that real Nigerian women are made of steel? Tired? What is that? Sleep? That shit is for the birds. Nigerian women are man, woman and more man all rolled up in one. So really they are 2 parts man and one part woman, which makes them more man than their men, who just happen to be one part man. Ha ha ha! I know.  

God knew what he was doing when he came up with that formula. So shut up and stop whining about nothing. You can take it. After all, if you do anything other than what your great-grand mother, grand-mother and mother did, you will be accused of being too westernized and that my friends is the greatest insult that can be bestowed on a "real" Nigerian woman. So stand up for yourself at your own risk. Expect more at your own risk. Get a voice and use it at your own risk. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

OMG! You are so westernized!!!!!
Did you really say that to me? You hurt me in my heart…..my heart bleeds. I am devastated. Yeah right!

P.S. I can officially say i have put up a post while in the air. Go google chrome. Thanks for the free internet cos God knows i was not willing to pay $10 just to get online while flying. Airtran rocks too, but i'm still not paying you guys $10 for nothing.

15 comments:

  1. I would laugh sting, but the sad reality is that it's true smh!

    Death to backwardness, yes i sed it!

    p.s happy new year :)

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  2. loooolllllll......oh my GOD! my dear friend, you hit it on the head with a sledge hammer; BANG!!!....LORD HAVE MERCY ON WE NIGERIAN WOMEN SO THAT WE DON'T DIE OUT OF HBP!!!...A-M-I-N oooooo.

    Yes, Nigerian women living in 9ja do take a lot a of BULLSHIT from their men & in-laws [u forgot to mention that also..*grinning*] becox of the ENVIRONMENT we live in....funny enough, our 9ja men do behave themselves when abroad o! but immediately they step a foot into Nigeria, they make a 360 degree U-TURN!.

    'So how can the change begin?'... IS THE TRILLION NAIRA question on everybody lips.The developed countries did not get to this level overnight, they fought for it because there were some things in place that could help them; like financial empowerment & the divorce procedure which gives a woman almost half of what her hubby earns. Madame Sting, have you per chance read about the upkeep a husband is expected to pay his wife monthly after a divorce in Nigeria courts?... 2-5K!. Tell me, can that feed a family for a week?...this is the REALITY!

    Nobody wants to be a LONE voice crying in the wilderness! This is the FEAR in most women! How can they cope with raising the children alone in this country that lacks the basic things of life?!

    Ok, if the woman is able to cope financially, many men would see her as a game sport! They want affairs without commitment! By the time old age comes knocking on the door, her kids are too busy with their lives & no daughter-in-law or son-in-law would want his/her mother-in-law living with them! We don't have old people's home as it is common in abroad.

    Yes, i am talking about companionship!...Even widowers/widows DON'T like to be ALONE!....Hence, my dear friend, we put up with a lot of crap until a kind of leverage is put their by the govt then we would make to effort to bounce ourselves up!

    Let me digress here, do you know that many single gals outside are not making it easy for wives to cry for equality?...surprised?... THE MISTRESS ALWAYS MASSAGE THE MEN EGOS! THEY CAN DO ANYTHING TO WIN THE MAN OVER TO THEMSELVES BECOX OF THE FINANCIAL GAINS,& THE MAN WOULD ALWAYS FIND FAULT WITH HIS WIFE OVER LITTLE THINGS! BECAUSE OF THE INBORN ATTITUDE NOT TO LET A RIVAL WIN, OR BE A SORE LOSER, WIVES HAD TO UP THEIR GAMES & SWALLOW A LOT OF SHIT SO AS NOT TO GIVE THE 'OTHER WOMAN' THE PLEASURE OF WINNING!..yes, my dear friend, it's a POWER-PLAY!

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  3. You hit the nail in the head with this post. I love it and all I can say is God have mercy on us Nigerian/African women.

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  4. I never had a chance being born in USA then. Congrats on your 5 year mark :) Welcome to my mentality! You will like it here :P jk
    Nogo xx

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  5. Kai! i forgot to click the follow up comments..*grin*.

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  6. @Enitan: Yes o! Happy new year to you too.

    @Ms. Nitty: I love this ur long reply. No be all of them dey behave themselves here o! In fact, a lot of them still misbehave. I know it's not easy for women in naija sha! But u know the divorce rate is increasing in naija....why? Does that not mean that to a certain extent, women are not as willing to put up the with the of crap being dished out?

    @Lara: Amen o! It's only God that can help us.

    @Journeytoprint:Don't mind those crazy people. I reached my 5 yr mark over 3 years ago, so to some people i'm almost beyond redemption. lol. That's just madness if you ask me.

    @Ms. Nitty (again): lol

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  7. YES! SOME of our ladies don't put up with such crap because of many reasons but the 3 most common reasons are;

    1]She is financially grounded or her family is there to cater for her kids needs/wants without the support from her ex-husband..

    2]If her life is in danger due to beating.

    3]He marries another wife,& she cannot accept polygamy.

    Nowadays, gals mostly get married in their 30's & by the time the pressure begins to mount, they would wonder what was all the noise about marriage sef! That she had more fun & peace of mind when single, then she just pulls out!

    . BUT where two elephants fights, it's the grass that always suffers most. I had seen situations children are separated from each other, to live with grandparents, aunts, relations, which i believe MANY mothers don't want, but stay to see her kids grow under her watchful eyes, just as the hen protects her chicks under her wings.

    So 9ja men still misbehave there?...kai! e be like say na blood this thing dey oooo.

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  8. I agree with everything that has been said, what gets me is that mother-in-laws who went through the same crapola with their husbands, sit by and watch their own sons dish out more of the same to another woman's daughter. Been here for 18 odd years, guess I'm a bit westernized :)

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  9. I was westernized before I even left Nigeria. Ask my father he will tell you.

    But this post made me laugh your sarcasm is amazing

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  10. hahahahaha....u ain't never lie girl!

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  11. na wa oh, u don become Madame? why not Dame? LOL...your post made me laugh...whatever the case, as the society may decide or not, best be wisely realistic than idealistic, maka safety...if not, fuck the world & 'walk free'...

    Happy New Year...how med school?

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  12. @Baroque: LOL....u just made me laugh. I don be madame since o. If i change to dame now, people fit curse me say whether i think say i be p.diddy. Med school is...... I don't know. I tire. This semester seems like it's going to be bloody.

    @Ms. Nitty: You make sense.

    @Justjoxy: After 18yrs...ah, u r over westernized o! Sorry, ur case is majorly serious :)

    @Vanity: Thanks, i try :) I don't have to ask your father, i believe u. lol.

    @Funms: I says it as i sees it.

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  13. Ha-ha! You rock! Great post. Laughing my head off with this one. Couldn't be better said. The sarcasm hits the right spot too.

    Naija women need to stand up and be counted o.
    Happy New Year!

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  14. HAHAHA! very well put. This dilemma of being too westernized does not phase me at all. I've been in the west for close to a decade so it only came natural to me on my trip to naija to ask my father to make himself a snack in the kitchen because we have no maid. I didn't say it out of rudeness, just as a matter of practicality and efficiency when he gets hungry. Safe to say, he didn't take it very well. LMAO!

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  15. In fact it really pains me. Expressing it the way you did is liberating though-- like, yeh! THAT's what I've been worrying/obsessing about. You put it so well, and now I dont feel this crushing feeling-- 'Why am I not ok with this like most other ladies? I must be spoilt by too much western tv'
    I am so grateful you have no idea!

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