Sunday, August 15, 2010

On Friendships............

I really need to wash my hair but i'm lazy. I'm going to put it off just a little while longer by putting up a blog post. So howdy, pple? Hope u guys missed me (a little at least). I have settled in nicely at my new apartment. Trying to make the place as homey as possible. Without pple, it's not even close but i think i did a decent job with it. Hate living alone but absolutely don't want roommates.

My mini-vacation ended yesterday...sobs. So it's back to reality for me. I'm about to dive into the abyss of craziness, but this time i will remain calm and in control of the situation. Na God get power, so with God by my side, i have no worries.

Let's move to the issue of friendships. In a way, i have given up on it. I have been disappointed by my friends in the last couple of years, i just don't want to make the effort to make friends anymore. I didn't even make the slightest effort to meet anyone during orientation.....really couldn't care less. From last year's experience, 90% of the pple you meet during orientation will act like they never met you once classes start. I believe i will get friendly with the people i'm going to be friends with when classes actually start. I'm not interested in all the paparazzi that goes on when school first starts.

Besides that, the two people who i would have called my friends in America have really turned me off making friends. I personally think friends are bound to fight or have disagreements, and a true friend, someone who thinks u r important in their life would not just walk away from you without trying to resolve the issue, especially if it wasn't a major fight. In my case, I didn't even fight with these two ladies. The first one, i will not speak on because we have talked since then, but unfortunately even if we still have a good rapport, a lot of water has gone under that bridge and things will never be the same between us.

With the most recent one, i am not too surprised because the friendship was becoming all about her at the end. I still can't believe she got mad at me last year for not picking up her call even after i told her it was exam week and she knew i was having issues in school. The day i heard i wasn't going to go to school last semester, she called me. I picked up the phone in the midst of my tears. She asked me if i was okay and i said i wasn't but did not feel like talking about it at the moment. She hung up and didn't call me until 2 weeks later. By this time i'm already upset with her so i don't pick up, then she texts me a week later and said she had called me the week before to tell me she got her green card. So she wasn't even calling me to see how i was doing, given the fact that i told her i wasn't okay the last time we spoke. If she didn't get her green card, she probably wouldn't have called. I texted her back telling her congrats. When i got to Florida in feb, i sent her a message on Facebook, telling her i was upset with her and that she hadn't been a good friend to me and i thought she was selfish.

I have known this chic since 1993. We went to two different JSS and SSS together. She came here in 2001 and i came in 2002. We were good friends before we left Nigeria and have been closer since I got here. I would have thought she would have at least called me, but it was like i was talking to a brick wall. I was even more upset because she always expects me to be there for her when she needs me, but it's like she can't even give shit about me. Long story short, i don't hear from the chic again. In June she enters my mind and i called her twice. Left her a VM one time, and the other time her BIL picks and says she was in Nigeria. When she finally got back, she texted me to call her. In my mind, i'm thinking why can't u call me back, so i didn't call cos the way she was acting was obvious that she really couldn't careless about the friendship.

Right before i left Atlanta, i texted her again and instead of her to try to talk to me about stuff, she starts wishing me the best. I got upset and called her and told her we need to talk, she said she'll call me after work, then doesn't call until 11pm. I didn't pick the call cos before then i had called her again. It was so obvious that i was the only one who cared that we were not friends or at least cared enough to do something about it. We sha made plans to talk and this was supposed to happen last week monday, but she didn't call me and i decided to leave the whole thing alone.

The main reason i'm even talking about this is cos the day i got here, the manager was not available to give me my keys to my apartment. So after driving 13hrs to get there, I was kinda stranded with my dad. Luckily, i had a couple of friends from school who live in the same apartment complex. I booked my dad a hotel thru hotwire and it turned out to be the hilton. Since my friend was going out to a bbq, i decided to go get food and take my dad to his hotel room. Hang out with him there until she gets back. When we got to the hotel, it was downtown and there was no safe place to park my car cos i had all this stuff in it. So we decide that i would drop him off and go back to the apartment complex. I wasn't too worried that my friend wasn't home cos there was another one i could chill with until she got back. Before i left my dad, i had called the other chic to ask for the apartment complex's corporate office number. Then as i was leaving my dad, i called her again, this time she didn't pick up.

No problem, i drove to the apartment complex and figured i'll just wait outside until the other one gets back. Mind you, this was like almost 10.30pm. I'm sitting out there hungry and needing to pee. The food i bought i couldn't eat cos d crazy pple did not put a fork in the bag. So i decided to call the other chic again, thinking i can at least pee and get a fork, i was reluctant to call cos i kind of felt like she didn't want to be bothered, but just to prevent her or anyone saying why did i sit out there like a homeless person instead of calling her, i called her again, and she didn't pick. Now i know she wasn't sleeping because the time between when she first picked and my 2 calls she didn't answer was about 30minutes all together and she had said she wanted to study cos she's doing her rotation right now. I can totally understand her wanting to study but she knew i was stranded, knew the other chic went to a party cos we were all together trying to get a hotel room for my dad. If we knew that manager wasn't going to show up that day at all, I'm sure my dad would have insisted i get a room, but the plan was for him to go rest while i wait for the manager.

Come to find out later from my other friend that when they (another Nigerian classmate was there too) were about to go to the party, she asks them, so is she now supposed to offer me a place to stay? That her apartment is dirty o, and she would have to clean up. Long short, i was finally able to reach my other friend (she left her phone in the car) who left the party and came to let me in. The next day, the one who ignored my calls, called me right after i dropped off my dad at the airport and asked me to come hang out with her. I just moved into my apartment, u don't think i would want to set up and unpack my stuff?  She never mentioned the calls to even make an excuse as to why she didn't pick up or even acknowledge that she saw the missed calls. I won't lie, i was upset with her cos i knew she had ignored me on purpose. Since then she has been super friendly, trying to hang out and do stuff and i haven't obliged her. With the way i was initially ignoring her and she kept on, it was evident there was some guilty conscience at play there. This morning she wanted us to go to church together. Yes, she is a nice person. Most people have the ability to be nice when they want to.... but it seems to me that she wants the friendship only when it is convenient for her.

I'm no longer pissed her at but i don't know exactly how to deal with her cos i don't trust her (trust her in the sense that she has my back) and if i don't trust someone i can't hang around them. I still haven't learned the American way of smiling in ur face and stabbing you in the back.


  1. :( This sucks like major (I know i don't need to be telling you that) yet at the same time, I do pray you will find friends that will have your back most of the time (honestly no one can have your back all of the time). Also, don't give up hope, there are people out there that you'll meet that will show true friendship :D

  2. I've learned never ever to assume things about people without talking about the issue with them. You might be shocked that they aren't thinking how you're thinking right now.

    You need to tell your friend(s) why you're really upset. Because she's asking you to go to church with her and doing all these nice things for you does not negate the other day. Air your feelings and never hide them, because they will keep growing inside you until one day they will finally burst out of you. I'm speaking from experience, you don't want to build any negative emotions about people who are supposed to be your friends. Talk about the exact things that are bothering you, and forgive them.

  3. If I start talking about friendships today...i will not stop !

  4. girl..i've had my own fair share with friends. especially the friends with benefits...the ones that wanna be your friend when it benefits them

    glad you've settled into your new place..all the best this school year !

  5. *sigh!*...friends?.... e pele o!...must had been a stressful time for you & posie....such is life!..The YORUBAS also do that, not only the sista, i beg stay on your own!... fair weather friends plenty for every where!..nevertheless, no man is an know where to draw the sharing of intimate personal information,no borrowing of items or money,no attending events together....make only good morning & school matter be the basis for the friendship...take care huh?

  6. some friends...who nids erm?

  7. Friends, friends, friends...I've had my fair share of experiences...I guess we all have. It helps to forgive and move on. If the friendship wont work anymore, then dont stress it. Good friends are hard to find

  8. waoh! lots of drama btw you n ur friends...n I can't say that I blame you for feeling like u do... friendship should be give n take... but pls don't give up on friends/ to ur friends n let out the steam...then grow ur friendships from there...


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