Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Keep him or toss him?

You know he is a keeper if
  • He is a nice human being. He is nice to you and everyone else. He has good manners, is considerate and is not arrogant. Nothing annoys me more than to hear a female say she doesn't like a guy because he is too nice. That's a sign of immaturity on the girls part. You still have some growing up to do.
  • He wants you and is not afraid to show it. I always say that if a guy truly likes you, you will know. You won't have to call your friends to decipher what stuff means, he will give you his time and full attention and let you know he wants you. 
  • He shows you he cares about you. Your happiness is a major priority for him. He can't stand to see you hurting. He is your number one fan and he shows it. 
  • He inspires you to be better person.
  • He is never tired of being a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on. 
  • He understands that once a month you might become a raging beast or a crying emotional wreck and he holds your hand through it (That's if you let him)
  • You can respect him because he deserves it, not because he demands it.
  • He tolerates your crap.

You know you need to toss him if
  •  Your self esteem is less than what it was before you started dating him. 
  • You feel like you are losing your voice and no longer able to speak your opinions because you don't want him to be mad. 
  • He makes you cry regularly.
  • You can't be yourself around him. 
  • He makes you feel like you can't do better than him. 
  • He blows hot and cold. One day he loves you, the next day he treats you in a way only someone who hates you would. 
  • If it was your friend in the exact same relationship, you would tell her to leave
  • He can be really mean to you
  • He isolates you from your friends and loved one. Whether by stopping you from seeing them or telling anyone how bad things are. 
  • You are not sure where you stand in the relationship- He wants to keep things undefined
  • He introduces you as his friend after dating for over 6 months. You are what he says you are, a friend. You need to keep it moving. 
  • He is obsessive and jealous. Nip that shit in the bud. Those are the kind of men who end up killing their wives. 

Emotional abuse happens in a lot of relationships. It's just as bad as physical abuse. Ideally, being in  a relationship should build you as a human being, not tear you down. A lot of people don't talk about it, they just stay there and endure it hoping it gets better. It never does. If someone is emotionally abusive, it's a character flaw, those don't change. If it's not you, it will be someone else. That's just how they operate. They might not even think they are being abusive but you are on the receiving end, and you know how they make you feel. It's never going to change. If you are not married, walk away while it's still easy.

You are in a relationship where you are not comfortable, you can't speak you mind, you have to be careful what you say, how you say it, who you talk to, when you talk to them, how you comport yourself in public etc etc...there's no way you would be happy and life is too short to live like that. Our ultimate goal in this life should be happiness. You only have one life to live, be happy. Find a partner who would build you up and would be your best friend, not your body guard or police, or jail keeper.


  1. I knew he was a keeper because he is all of those but mostly because he tolerates my crap. He is my husband.

    Love this post!!!

  2. Very well put, totally agree. Abusive relationships are hazardous to health.

  3. Nyc write up Dear. Best relationship advice so far (erm... for the ladies)

  4. I love this post, nice piece of advice. I hope ladies that are dating guys who need to be tossed away would read this and have the courage to toss them out of their lives.

  5. Now i see why am still single....havnt found a keeper yet.....I always say never settle for less....when he has 7 outer 8 then i know his a keeper....


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