Thursday, November 22, 2012

Thanksgiving Dinner


Forgive the crappy pictures

Second time i am eating pizza this year if i remember correctly. I went to Walmart to get some stuff and saw it. I decided what the hell, i have nothing to eat anyway. I finished this whole pizza by myself, all the while thinking 310 calories not bad. Only after it was all said and done did it dawn on me that it was 310 calories per serving and i had no clue how many servings it was. There were 4 servings! Oh wells, it's in my tummy now. Whatchugon do?

I wasn't supposed to get today off and a lot of my classmates didn't. I got home last night and my resident had emailed me that the clerkship director said if i get today off then i have to work on saturday my regular off day, but she was going to let me have both days off. You don't understand! Tears came to my eyes, literally. I needed that mental break. Shit is going down and i have been dealing with a lot. You don't have to be exceptionally bright to figure out i have been depressed and everyday is harder. I used to have off days where i would sleep it off and feel better the next day, but that hasn't happened this time. I'm almost at the point where i think i might need meds cos this isn't working out.

I pick and chose what i share on this blog and instead of pretending like everything is fine, i just have to be honest and say everything is not fine. I am depressed and 99% of it has to do with med school. I think i am burnt out plus i am also dealing with some issues. I literally have a yr and half left and i want to finish. This is still what i want to do, i just wish my experience was easier. I got a bad (i think) evaluation from the attending who made me cry. Luckily, i had gone to the clerkship coordinator about some concerns i had and that opened a can of worms and i am to meet with the clerkship director to figure out a way forward and get feedback. If i hadn't said anything, nothing would have been done for me and i wouldn't have found out anything.

I am trying hard to get my mind right and in good spirits and i know to get the help that i need. I drank coffee for the first time in my life today and even though it was the mildest form, it still gave me a headache. It made me feel more alive for a couple of hours though.

Anyway, happy thanksgiving. I remain thankful for my family. I feel blessed for their support and we are all alive to answer present. That is the greatest blessing. I am thankful for the very few friends i have who love and put up with me and support me. I am also thankful for still being in school. I worked for it, i am still working for it, it's killing me but i will make it.

P.S I hate these kind of posts which is why i try to avoid them. It makes me feel exposed and vulnerable. I am supposed to be a strong African woman.

12 comments:

  1. Happy Thanksgiving!

    Hope things start to go better for you at school/hospital and that you start to feel better.

    Take care of yourself, I really hope you can unwind and relax for the 2 days you have off.

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  2. keep ur head up..... this too shall pass...

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  3. The strength of an African woman (or anyother woman for that matter) is not in shielding her weaknesses and acting as though they are inexistent but having the will to persevere, not only seeing the path but the destination ahead.

    Happy Thanksgiving dear. Nothing good comes easy as I'm sure you know but God will give you the strength to persevere in sound health (physical, mental and psychologically lol)

    In the meanwhile, enjoy your movie :)

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    Replies
    1. I love how you said that! Wow!

      @Happy thanksgiving to you dear, and muchos hugs.

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  4. pele dear, i really believe you will look back one day at all this craziness and be thankful, did i mention 3 of my best buddies are doctors and they went through this'phase' too...happy thanksgiving!

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  5. It don't hurt to be vulnerable, you know? Happy Thanksgiving dear
    www.chachacorner.com

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  6. Like Nollywood REinvented said, putting this post up doesn't make you weak or less of a strong woman. You are still a strong African woman because even in the face of what you're going through, when everyone would understand if you break, you are still keeping it together. hi5 ma'am

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  7. i'm looking at 310 calories by 4 helpings. madam sting!!!

    Lol. Don't mind me-alarmist. I could not care less what they claim the calories are on the pack. If it tastes nice and my belle get space, I down it.

    'Nuf truth said by them people who know. Just because you share don't make you weaker and just because you don't share don't make you stronger either. It is what it is and this too shall pass! Hold on....

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  8. A strong African woman can also be vulnerable. After all she is human. Hang on in there. You will look back in two years and laugh.

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  9. And all this too shall past. Hang in there dear. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. The universe is working in your favour. You have proclaimed that this is what you want and it shall be yours.
    Be strong for your own sanity

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  10. Since i don't really know exactly what you are going through, i will just try to offer general encouragement and say, hang in there it will pass. There are going to be tough rotations but there will also be easy rotations. You are going to work with people you don't get along with but you will also work with others who just love you and give you great evals, the key is to never lose your professionalism. Crying is okay but no rudeness or angry words. I hope there is someone you can talk to, whether someone in your family, a mentor or a wise friend. I am not a fan of keeping stuff inside because it bursts forth in unexpected ways. Take care.

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  11. Happy thanksgiving
    http://trendysturvs.blogspot.com

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