Thursday, April 28, 2011

Nemesis - Part 1

 Ok people, come closer, sit down and relax cos i have gist for you guys. Get comfortable, but not too comfortable cos i need you to be able to skidaddle when this gist is over.

So, back in the day a friend of mine told me that her boss was asking her out. I advised her to turn him down but she didn't listen and succumbed to him because he had the looks and the money. I was kinda  disappointed in her and our friendship eventually fizzled out as these things tend to happen. She had refused to get into any relationship while in school and eventually gave up her virginity when she was in her mid-20's. Of course she got her heart broken and decided to stay away  from men even when we advised her to give love another chance. I don't think we had dating her boss in mind when we advised her to date other guys.

Anyhoodle, I found out 2 years later that she was still having an affair with her boss and didn't mind being his life-long mistress. He had even introduced her to some members of his family but she hid it from her own family because she knew they wouldn't approve of it.

Some years into the relationship, the man decided he wanted a child from her because his wife could not have anymore kids after their first one. This chic agreed on the condition he divorces his wife. I was livid, as were her parents who were furious when she told them. She got pregnant and then the man sent his people to appeal to her family who reluctantly agreed to the marriage. Meanwhile, his first wife refused to grant him a divorce and was determined to fight for her marriage, but the man moved out of his matrimonial home into another apartment with his mistress who was happy to be the new Mrs XXX!

She had her baby few months ago and that's when her troubles started! She had no clue that her sister-in-law didn't like her: When her sister-in-law came to visit one day, she saw her give money to somebody to buy some stuff from Dubai. Her sister-in-law then told her brother that she was extravagant. The guy now decided to stop giving her money and started asking her to account for any money he gave her. She started having trouble feeding and of course this led to quarrels, hateful words were exchanged and all that craziness in the marriage. She could not believe this was the same man she had been having an affair with for 8years! I guess the honeymoon was over. She eventually moved out of his house back to her parents home when her baby was barely 6 months old because of how badly he was treating her. Of course, there's a lot of details that were left out of this story, but trust me when i say it was bad.

So what's the point of this story? I would like this to serve as a warning to other women who think they can eat their cake and have it! As the saying goes, the cane used to beat the first wife is always hung on the door to be used on the new wife! You are not special. Women who think that they can build their happiness on the foundation of another woman's unhappiness should know that NEMESIS would always come knocking!

Wait! There's more. Stay tuned for Nemesis Part 2. (A different but similar story). Na naija movie be this o.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011


Somebody, help me out here. I just read this article on Necole Bitchie about Will.I.Am's pet peeves in a relationship and one of them was using dry toilet paper instead of wet wipes to clean urself. Another pet peeve was a woman having condoms being a no-no. I'm not even going to comment on that except to say this is why the HIV infections rates are not declining. He's such an idiot.

Anyway, there's the comment i need help with.
The last time i checked, i was Nigerian too (born and bred), which part of  Nigeria has the culture of keeping a bowl under the sink and washing ur ass after whatever? I know pple do it, but i didn't think it was a cultural thing. I thought it was more of a i've run out of toilet paper thing or i can't afford toilet paper thing. I really want to konk this chic for lying like this. This is how someone will now read this comment and conclude that it's a Nigerian thing to shit and wash.

Am i wrong? Is it a cultural thing? If it is, how come i never heard of it before now? Which culture? I really want to know.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Love @ First Sight

Seriously guys, is there really such a thing as love as first sight?
Isn't it really attraction at first sight or lust at first sight?

What is this love sef and how do you know that's what you are feeling? I asked a friend how he knew he loved someone and he said "Cos it's biting me in my heart"

Lord Jesus, please save us all from the kind of love that has teeth. I am trying to imagine what it looks like and it's not pretty.

(Biting love; that one no be vampire so?)

I don't believe in love at first sight, neither do i believe in falling in love before you have time to get to know someone. Call me cynical but how can you love what you don't know? I'm willing to accept reasonable explanations. Convince me otherwise.

I'll put my money on attraction at first sight, lust at first sight (for a lot of people) before i ever pick love at first sight. I think it's a cheap phrase that sounds good, feels good, therefore people gravitate towards it.

Am i right or am i just a cynical old woman looking the burst love's bubble (well, the one without teeth cos the one with teeth seems scary and i wouldn't go near it, talkless of trying to burst its bubble. I dey crase?).

*I wrote this during my spring break and i can't help laughing at my silliness. I really don't know where some of the things i write/say/think come from* 
Just in case you were wondering (and you probably weren't but i'll tell you anyway) I'm a professional nonsense talker in real life :)

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Fire Alarm

I've literally been up for over a week and a half studying for exams. I finally get to sleep tonight without being under the watchful eyes of my alarm clock. Well, guess what happens at 5am? The freaking firealarm goes off and won't stop. So as much as i wanted to, i couldn't ignore it. I put on a hoodie and wore some sweat pants, left all my belongings in my apartment and went outside. I really need to come up with a fire plan cos my present plan (which consists of grudgingly leaving my apartment carrying nothing but my house keys) is not going to cut it.

Some long throat decided to bake some pizza at night, then proceeded to fall asleep.

Number 1) Who eats pizza at night? I'm not talking midnight snack. This is the middle of the night
Number 2) He must be the president of winches and wizards association (confused as to why i would say that, look at reason number 1)
Number 3) Still confused? Fine, i'll say it. Only winches and wizards eat in the dead of the night. So if you have the habit of eating late at night, you must be a witch/winch or a wizard. Check urself. Ask questions :)
Number 4) If you are too sleepy to wait for your food, then u r don't need to try to eat. Just go to sleep. Leave those long throat sturves for sometime else.
Number 5) Why didn't he use the microwave like his mates? I refuse to believe he was baking that pizza from scratch. Yeah right!
Number 6) See as the boy be sef. I should have slapped him just to feel better. Then i would end up in jail and not get any sleep. Bad idea.
Number 7) I better be able to fall back asleep or else.......
Number 8) ........or else nothing. I can't do crap.
Number 9) The devil is a lie (and a liar)! I must sleep this sleep. I earned it.

UPDATE: This dude did not even wake up, the fire fighters had to bang on his door. My friend talked to him and noted he was kinda high. We both concluded he had the munchies.

Thursday, April 21, 2011


...........die many times before their deaths while fools rush to theirs.
Say it isn't so.........but it is.

One more to go, then it's lather, rinse and repeat.
Day and night no longer exists, i count hours/ number of lectures. 20 phys lectures, 200+ pages in 12 hours. For reals?  Do i really have to know everything, like know everything, or do i just sorta have to kinda have an idea? What about the pictures and graphs....Is lab stuff that important? Try yourself......... Failure is easy. Takes no effort, at all.

Normal person: "Good night! I'm going to bed"
Me: It's 11 pm, Chineke, lecture 7 out of 20. Bone tired, exhausted. Brain has rebelled on me. Been on this shit since 7am. Sets alarm on phone, another on book case, and the last evil alarm guaranteed to wake up the dead. For extra guarantee....calls friend "Dude, wake me up at 1am.....i need to take a nap"

Yeah, i nap at night while others are going to sleep. I can also nap at 7am (like i'm about to) while others are just waking up. Like i said, night and day? What's that?

Can i just die? No?
How about i kill someone? Can't do that either?
Suicidal and homicidal ideation.....ha ha ha! Madness has finally set in.
No worries....those are fleeting thoughts with no plan borne out of extreme exhaustion and the constant state of being overwhelmed.

Try to cry, maybe you will feel better? No tears. All dried up.
Force up some dry hysterical sobs/lamentations.
Squeeze your notes, then calmly "unsqueeze" and straighten them out.
Pull yourself together!!!! Now is not the time.

After an exam
Bags under my eyes, brain fried, body exhausted, can't keep my eyes open. I need to rest so i can study for the next exam. Oya o, go and sleep.
I hr later:
I can't believe i'm still awake with racing thoughts having day-wideawakemares about the exam i just took. Why is neuro plaguing my thoughts and why do i now in this half asleep state know the answer to that stupid question that i did not know during the exam?
My brain freaking hurts. It feels like it's been soaked in peppermint oil or something and no i don't have a headache. This is something worse.
Add my day time insomnia to that = Hell fire.
Hello, Lucifer.

IF you know any med students out there who thinks this is a cakewalk, tell them i said more grease to their elbows.
Oh....they also don't go to my school.

Med school is awesome. NOT!

P.S. Yeah....about my It's not supposed to make sense to you, but trust me when i say it makes perfect sense and has everything to do with this post.

P.P.S. My heart is heavy. What is going on in Nigeria? What is going on in the world? All those corpers killed for nothing. Slaughtered, butchered and burnt like they don't have mothers and fathers and siblings who love them. I am so sick and disillusioned by Nigeria and Nigerian politics and politicians. How does killing innocent people solve anything? I truly have a problem with these northerners who have zero value for human lives. I can't imagine how the parents of these kids must feel. Some will not even see bodies to bury. May God help us all. I will not believe in change until i see it. I don't think Goodluck is the messiah we have been waiting for. Well, if he is, that remains to be seen.

Why wasn't something done to prevent what happened from happening? Are they going to say they didn't see it coming? It's sickening. At the risk of not being politically correct, i think NYSC should be scrapped or at least people shouldn't be forced to serve in the North if they are not from there, or any other unsafe areas that they are not from. The North should go form their own country and rule and kill themselves there. Enough is enough.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

I'm jealous of you? Really?

Why is it so easy for some girls to think that someone is jealous of them because you have a problem with them? Why is jealousy a reasonable assumption? So because i tell you, you have been a crappy friend, you go on facebook and update your status with "Am i that important that people will be jealous of me?"


I'm taking deep breaths. I have exams all through next week. I have to study and focus on important stuff. I will be back to tell this story because it needs to be told. I'm officially done with people. I've told the one friend i have left that if she messes up, that will be it for me and friendship. Only my (future) husband and siblings will be my friends. Every other person will be put on associate/acquaintance level.

I'm tired of this shit.

Mamuje is right, she's not worth a blog post. She's delusional and it's not even worth my time. This chic wrote on facebook this morning after i had cursed her out yesterday to my satisfaction, that she's done making female friends because girls are so JEALOUS. It's the jealousy part that is mind boggling. I guess when u think someone is jealous of you, it explains everything and stops you from assuming any blame or taking responsibility for your actions. After all, the other party is tripping because they are jealous of you o_O. Like i said she's delusional. Might i add just to give you guys a little background, she's getting married next month, so maybe that's why i'm jealous of her. I have no clue........because i don't know why else that thought would ever enter her head. I have never been jealous of anyone in my life. I am too smart for that because nothing is ever as it seems. It's he who wears the shoes that knows were it pinches, so i have no time to be jealous of anyone. 

And yes, you read right, i cursed her out. I left it alone and she kept updating facebook with stupid stuff (mind you, i'm not even on facebook), so i felt she needed to be put in her space. I feel so much better because she deserved everything i told her and some that i didn't sef. I've known this chic since 1993. Went to two different sec schools together, she came here in 2001 and i came in 2002, we were supposed to be friends. Push came to shove and she was nowhere to be found. What did they say about a friend in need being a friend indeed? I felt like i owed it to our friendship to address my concerns to her and after responding to my lengthy email with "ok cheers" without even responding to a single thing, she took to facebook to act like the aggrieved party and tell everyone that "someone is jealous of her" and the "person should continue to be bitter while she enjoys her life" and "human beings are terrible". Na wa for some people sha. Some people don't know the meaning of the word friendship even if it slaps them in the face.

Not everyone walking the face of this earth is a human being. We have a lot of snakes and rats disguised as humans and you will never know who's who until something happens. I am totally fine with everything, like i said i felt better after giving her a piece of my mind and i'd rather be friendless that to have anyone who would think i could possibly be jealous of them for whatever reason as a friend. DELUSIONAL!!!!!

Friday, April 15, 2011

The White Way

Shuga and Intersexions

Shuga is a bit old, since it was done in 2009 but i love it. Loved it enough to look for it and include it in my ILP (individualized learning plan) for my pathway (school related) stuff. It's a drama set in Kenya pretty much about college students engaging in risky sexual behavior, getting tested for HIV and stuff. It's really good. I loved the Kenya actors and actresses most of whom had never acted before. Beautiful people, beautiful accents. I almost wanted to be Kenyan....almost :)

*I wonder if people from other African countries see Nigerians, hear our accents and think we are cool.
(Well, i heard Ghanaians hate us, regardless :) I won't lie, i thought these Kenyans were cool. Loved their accents!!!!

Shuga Episode 1 from mtv staying alive on Vimeo.

Find the rest of the videos HERE.

Then there's this new series set in South Africa (i think) called Intersexions. The byline on the shows website is "Do you know your lover's lovers". I first read about it from a blog, then Myne mentioned it on this blog but i haven't gotten a chance to watch it yet but i heard it's really good. I can't wait for this semester to be over so i can settle down to watch it. I'm really looking forward to that.

Check out the first part

Read more about it HERE

Both shows are about HIV by the way. In case i haven't mentioned it before, i'm all about raising awareness about HIV and hopefully playing a small role in preventing it. That's the main focus of my pathway.

Question of the day: If you weren't Nigerian, which other African country would you be from? It's so sad how little i know about other African countries. "Do you speak swahili". Say what? Oh! I don't even know what countries Swahili is spoken in, neither will i recognize it if it is being spoken. I think it's spoken in Kenya though.

*I have gotten tired of telling people Africa is not one single country and i don't speak African and i especially don't speak Nigerian!!!!!!!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

STD certificate

In this day and age of HIV/AIDS and other diseases, I think people need to have an STD certificate aka certified disease free. When i first mentioned it to my friend sometime last year, she said i was crazy. I say i am not. Dem dey write am for forehead? We all know unprotected sex still goes on, if you doubt me ask Tubaba. So instead of indulging in your 5 secs or 5 minutes of misguided pleasure then agonizing over it for 6 months (it takes 3-6 months to show up if you have HIV) whether you are clean or not, wouldn't it make your life a whole lot easier if you guys had examined each others STD certificates before swapping bodily fluids.

On the real though, i am very passionate about HIV awareness and prevention. It's sad how this easily preventable disease has become an epidemic that is continuing to spread. African-American females continue to have the highest new infection rates in America. Why? HIV is not the death sentence it used to be, but wouldn't life just be a little easier if you didn't have that to worry about? I understand that there might be extenuating circumstances, for example wives with cheating husbands and vice versa (sorry, especially wives with cheating husbands)

So you been married to this dude for 100 years or whatever, you know he's cheating, how do you insist that he uses protection? I'm not asking this question for myself cos best believe that i have a mouth (a very loud one at that) and i'm not afraid to use it. Thank you Jesus. I asking for the millions of "unempowered" women in Nigeria and other third world countries, or women in relationships even in America where they don't have a voice. How can you protect yourself? I think this is a huge problem. Lots of orphans exist as  a result of husband infecting their wives with this disease, women unable to protect themselves even within the "sanctity" of marriage. Sadness.

Do you a married person with a cheating spouse out of fear remain silent, don't do anything to protect yourself, take your chances and pray that God protects you? Didn't someone say heaven helps those who helps themselves?

Back to my STD certificate proposal, all jokes aside, i think it's a good idea that people should always have "the talk" to ascertain disease status, because you really can't tell from looking and not everyone will be comfortable enough to want to share that information with you. I understand that things happen but we should try to always be safe cos i don't think sex no matter how good is worth catching any disease for whether is syphilis, gonorrhea, HIV etc etc

Cheating people stop being bitches and protect your spouses/partners by protecting yourselves.....Madame Sting

That's my PSA for today.

I wrote this during my spring break. Here are the issues i really want to discuss
  1. Why are people afraid to talk about HIV/AIDS? I already know i'm going to get the least amount of comments on this post, like i did on my World AIDS day post in Dec. 
  2. How do women in relationships (married or otherwise) protect themselves from their partners? 
  3. How do we ensure that we don't fall into the trap of judging someone based on how healthy they look and sleeping with them before ascertaining their HIV status. I don't mean, just asking them. Some people don't know their HIV status. I personally think the best way is going to get tested together, but how many people take the time to do that ?
  4. How do we get people stop being afraid and get tested? I was talking to a friend last year about it and he looked at me like i was crazy when i suggested he got tested. He was like he almost died from fear when he had to go do a blood test to get his visa to canada and he's not putting himself through that. 
My point is as much as we "know" about this disease, the infection rates keep climbing, ESPECIALLY in AFRICA. Why????????

*The idea of an STD certificate is a JOKE. I was being facetious. I am aware that it's not feasible. I think the best way is to go with your partner to go get tested. Always use protection (unless u r married, trust ur husband/wife). For the people who have casual sex, i can't help you. Condoms are not 100% effective, so be wise.

To the married pple with cheating spouses......protect yourself. Closing your eyes and praying he doesn't catch anything and give to you is not going to help you.

Friday, April 8, 2011

Life of a student

Life of a student - Imgur

This was sent to me by my brother who's in pharmacy school. Na all of us dey suffer together so he knows exactly what i'm dealing with. BTW, have i ever mentioned how hot my brother is? My guy friends compliment his 8 pack (i have a picture of him on facebook where he's shirtless after completing a 10K). He has inspired many a man back to the gym. I have my days of jealousy when i compare his abs to my non-existent abs more like flabs if i'm being totally honest.

Anyway, he's available for grabs and i'm his pimp :) Ladies 18 and older apply within. Good girls only (whatever that means). 

Thursday, April 7, 2011

I just killed the man of my dreams

He was never real anyway. A mishmash of thoughts and words, of hopes and dreams. He is supposed to exist, only i do not know him yet. While his mates are talking plane rides, he decided to walk and take forever to get to me. I know he exists, always there, but never there.

Well, i'm tired! I don't want him anymore and i know i'll most likely be disappointed when i finally meet him because he'll turn out to have everything i said i wanted except he'll be ugly, bald and short with a pot belly for good measure. If i try to complain, everyone would say "why are you complaining, na fine we wan chop?". Well, no be fine we wan chop but i have to at least be able to look at him. Would it be fair to me, if everyday i look at him and invoke the spirits of my fore-fathers to beg them not to allow our kids look like him? Don't i have other more important things to worry about? Or he'll be as hot as a Grecian god but dumb as fuck and a womanizing ashawo to boot. As my friend would say, God no cheat anybody. No one can have it all and i know that.

So today, i decided, after little thought (my brain is too full with neuro and phys to think too deeply into these things) that i am done! So i killed the man of my dreams. If you decide to be like a cat and have nine lives, hear this straight from the horses mouth....leave me. No come again! I no do!

I'm taking an indefinite extended leave of absence from all fantasies and things that have to do with you.

P.S. No be this one dey worry me o! I don't even know where this nonsense came from. If i was a normal person, it would have been a poem, but i hate poems. I really needed to let off steam and feel like a human being for a second.

P.P.S Thanks for all your comments on all my posts. I know i'm not good at responding to comments. I really don't have the time this block (it's on fire!), but i read them all.  Some make me smile, some make me laugh, some encourage me and help me to get through med school life (this is not real life, it's a continuous hazing process). I really appreciate everyone who takes the time to leave me a nice comment. You guys are good people.

P.P.P.S (what the hell is ppps?) Med school is tough and i'm feeling it more than ever this block. By all accounts it doesn't get easier. Please pray for me. I'm not even playing.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Weird or no?

I am currently listening to christmas carols pretty much because my life has decided to continue to suck. I have unanimously decided to "un-suck" it and proceed to my happiest season of the year. No one said i can't exist in la la land, you are free to join me after all everyone is automatically a citizen but most people don't like to live there. I do! now. I'm listening to piano hymns and they are very soothing.

By the way, after going through all this stress because of med school, woe betide anyone who asks for free medical care. Okay, okay, i kid, i kid. Free health care for the underprivileged. For all my friends who are waiting patiently for me to graduate so i can treat you for free, I'm not kidding! Don't even look at me if you don't come with money. You should even pay me double to compensate for my troubles.

I'm so sorry for the man that decides he wants to marry me. My dad is Edo, so our bride price is next to nothing. 21 naira, the last time i checked. Anyway, that's their business. I will set my own bride price and collect it myself since my dad doesn't even bother collecting the 21naira. He shouldn't try that play. After all this suffer, he will now give me away for free? It's not happening. My Igbo side will kick in that time.

This is just SUFFER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Le sigh......

Sunday, April 3, 2011


  • I'm sick of being an anonymous blogger.
  • Why are so many Nigerian bloggers anonymous? 
  • At this point in my blogging life (4 years and counting), i have no clue why i blog anonymously.
  • I am partial to bloggers who are not anonymous and have been for a while. 
  • Still letting the thought of revealing myself percolate.
  • It will happen sooner or later.
  • Honestly though, it's really starting to bug me that so many Nigerian bloggers are anonymous. I have 289 blogs on my blog list and 90% of those blogs are Nigerian blogs, yet i can't count 10 that are not anonymous. 
  • Watch this space. I might or might not come out of the blogging closet. I just have to be sure of the ramifications before i do anything. I already know people who know me in real life have stumbled on this blog (I'm not even talking of close friends) so what's left? 
  • It's not like i'm blogging about my sexcapades which are non-existent if i might add. 
  • What do you guys think are the pros and cons of blogging with your true identity? 
Enjoy the rest of the weekend and have a good week guys. I've been studying like an indentured servant or field slave. Med school will not kill me.

P.S. Anytime it rains and the skies are gray and there's a cool, gentle breeze blowing, it reminds me of Nigeria. It's been almost 9 years since i step foot in Nigeria and on days like this i miss it. There's always a gentle longing in my heart for that country that never goes away. Home is where the heart is and it will always be home.

Friday, April 1, 2011

I said yes.....................April Fool's Edition

Na wa o! People of blogsville..... you guys are just too cynical or is it that you just can't imagine me ever being in a relationship talkless of getting engaged? Should i be offended? I'm still trying to decide. To Ibhade, Sugabelly, Vyvyka and Mbabazi who congratulated me on "saying yes". Thank you. I appreciate the excitement and i was excited too.

However, as some very astute or should i say jaded! readers asked, what did i say yes to? I blame HoneyDame for all the skepticism with which my news was received. She started it!!!! I don't know how i can forgive you o, Ms. HoneyDame. A goat and tortise shell are in order. You have to appease my spirits.

Meanwhile, EDJ did not even bother waiting for me to confirm my "status" She went ahead and put up a post pretty much calling me out. I'm still trying to figure out what to do to the chic because cow sef, will not appease my spirits.

I got a huge kick out of reading the comments and when i do get engaged, i would think twice or maybe 3 times before i post it on blogsville because you guys instead of congratulating me, will be asking me questions :)

Still LOL @ HoneyDame's "To what? I dare not say to who." You see ring, you still dey ask me "to what?" See this chic o!

Happy April Fools day. Hope you enjoyed it as much as i did even though i have spent all day holed up in my apartment, standing in front of my white board regurgitating Neuro.

P.S. There is some truth to this blog. That's the style of ring i want and it has to be from Tiffany's too. I have passed on my wishes, hopes and desires to the appropriate *department* As for the bus ride...... I plead the fifth. Okay, fine! I'll spill. I dey inside one molue like this, only God knows the final destination. Driver no gree stop and conductor no dey speak English.

Hey guys, welcome to my blog. Sit back, relax, grab a cup of coffee and enjoy!

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