Thursday, March 20, 2008

On Friendships

I'm one of those girls who generally prefer to have guys as friends. I adore guys. They are easier to get along with, don't have petty hang ups and my guy friends adore me also. What's not to love about that arrangement. All my best friends are females, but those are girls i grew up with. So we know each other too well. I'm naturally a reserved person, and i used to find it really difficult to talk about myself to people. My friends would call me whenever they needed someone to listen and becos i didn't talk much (back then), they loved talking to me. It's really ironic now that my friendship with Cynthia ended becos she felt i had stopped telling her stuff about myself, while she told me everything about her life. I have never in my life being open to anyone as much as i was with her, not even with the girls i call my best friends.

When i first came to America, i was talking to my friend Cynthia but we were not close. Instead, i was close to the guy she introduced me to until he fucked up (to cut a long story short). That's when we started getting closer. We really became tight after my crazy ex almost killed me and she was there for me while i was dealing with that mess. However, throughout the course of that friendship, i completely changed. We would sit on the phone and talk for at least 2hr almost everyday. When u are on the phone yapping away for hours on end, u have to have something to say. That's when i got comfortable talking about myself and my issues with someone else. Whatever i was going through, i would tell her every single detail and vice versa. If i was talking to any guy, i made sure she got to talk to him also. I think it got to the point where our lives were becoming too enmeshed.

After i graduated last year and i started trying to figure out which direction i was going to take with my future, talking on the phone for hours about nothing lost its appeal. Over the years, i had kind of lost my autonomy. The boyfriend i had in Nigeria, told me he liked me because unlike a lot of girls, i thot for myself and i could make my own decisions (with regards relationships) without talking to my friends about it. Now, i had become the type of person who could not do anything without telling someone about it. I know it's good to ask for advice sometimes but not on every little thing. It was almost like i lacked a mind of my own and this is the exact opposite of who i was.

When i was dealing with a guy, it was almost as if me and my friend were dealing with the guy. The day that i knew things were going too far was when something happened btw me and one guy i was talking to and my friend took it upon herself without telling me, to call the guy and cuss him out. I wasn't even that mad at him and her opinion on the issue was completely different from mine. I told her i didn't agree with her assessment of the situation, yet she picked up her phone and called him to cuss him out. I know she had my best interests at heart, but when did i stop being my own person?

I'm really glad that whatever friendship i had with these girls has taken a different turn because i'm in a completely different place in my life and it think it's time for a change. I need to be able to think for myself and not rely on anyone to sanction my actions. I'm ready to go back to being who i was b4 the physical assault i suffered in the hands of my ex-boyfriend. I believe that incident affected my life for the worse in a lot of ways. My whole relationship with him shattered my self-esteem and my self-confidence. I used to be a very self-confident person. I had people telling me from when i was very little how wonderful i was in many ways. I was totally confident in who i was as i person. I didn't have any self-esteem issues until this son-of-a-bitch treated me like trash. He would even go as far as saying beauty is not everything, just because people say u are pretty doesn't mean shit. That phase of my life has passed. It's been over 2 years, i'm thankful i'm alive to talk about it. I'm trying to heal from it. My therapist helped me a lot and i think it's time i take steps to continue to help myself.

Got my rejection letter yesterday from the one Med school i applied to. I knew my MCAT score was too low so i'm really not tripping about that. Just have to figure out what to do until August 2009.

I was going to Blog about the guy that Desperate Lady asked me about, but i'll just cut to the chase and say i'm no longer talking to him. I completely lost interest in the dude. Now that i'm no longer interested he's trying to be nice. That's not my problem anymore.


  1. good luck on figurin out what u tryna do til August
    wow @ the ex tryna kill you
    and the friend tryna handle ur bizness for u
    good intentions or not
    thnx for hitting up my spot

  2. good lcuk with applying to med school!! mehn that cant be easy!!!
    lurving the blog by the way!!!

  3. Good luck babe... I hope you find somn good.

  4. What a nice blog, keep it up and take care of yourself.

  5. O honey i looooove this post and i'm sure u know y. I'm sorry about that useless ex of urs but u know wut, like u said its been 2yrs, u've suffered in silence enough and i'm glad u've deicded to go back to being the confident person u used to be.
    It's not gonna be easy, just take things one at a time and i assure u everything will be alright, ur a very lovely person and i can't wait for u to meet the broda that'll treat u like ur spose to be treated.
    As for med school,y did u apply to other schools?
    o well since u have no idea wut to do until aug 2009, take a vacation, go to jamaica, go to different states n have fun like u've neva had b4.Take care hun.

  6. sorry abt ur rejection !we've all gone through it o!so u gonna take the mcat again?

  7. @dejanae, tintin, naijababe and wande: Thanks a lot

    @DL: I applied to a lot of schools b4 i got my MCAT scores, after i saw how poorly i did, i didn't go through with the secondary application, except for this one school. I'm going to learn to have fun by myself esp now i don't have "friends" here anymore.

    @Pink-satin: Thanks and yes i'm taking the MCAT again, for sure.

  8. Good to know u're taking the MCAT again, esp if becoming a medical doctor is ur passion.

    Learning to be ur own self and find ur own identity is one of the best things that can ever happen to's way too much for a friend to pick up the phone and give a response to someone else for u. U're right abt that. The only thing that is constant in life is "change," and u're making a good change here. Cheers to that!

  9. I really respect you for being your own person. I cant stand it when my friends become so reliant on me and need me to tell them everything and go everywhere with them. I need my space from time to time. Sorry about the Med School- but you'll be fine. Maybe you could do an internship or live abroad during this gap time? It looks really good on applications:-)

  10. The most beautiful thing about friendship is their constant (not necessarily physical) presence.

    However, Albert Camus phrased it thus:
    Don't walk in front of me, i may not follow;
    Don't walk behind me, i may not lead;
    Walk beside me and be my friend.

    Oh, how beautiful it is to walk side by side (even though you may not be equal in all ramifications) with our friends.

    A fascinating writer you are.

  11. g'luck with med school. I got enough rejection letters. good thing u're taking the MCATs again. we need to talk about this med school thingy. email?
    so are u promising us man-gist?

  12. Oh sweetie, I just want to give you a hug. Glad you recognized what he was doing to you and removed yourself from that situation.
    Take care of you, k.


Hey guys, welcome to my blog. Sit back, relax, grab a cup of coffee and enjoy!

  © Blogger template Writer's Blog by 2008

Back to TOP