Wednesday, October 10, 2012


This post was going to be titled PORN, but i decided to try to try and call it the naija name for it aka blue film. I used to hear B1ue Fi!m back in naija but i don't think i knew exactly what it was when i was younger. I had a slight idea, but not quite. It wasn't until i came to America and there was an HIV outbreak in the porn industry back in 2003 or 2004 that it clicked that these people actually had real sex. I don't know what i thought they did. Anyhoodle, this post was inspired by something i read on Myne's today. Long story short, celibate boyfriend of 5 years watches porn, now there's a big issue and he's a sex addict.

I'm sorry to say, i think christianity confuses people. Now before you lynch and crucify me, let's just accept that i am a heathen and will probably be ending up in hell where i will have lots of company, maybe even you :) Now, that that's been established, let's move on. I'm having trouble making the leap from porn watcher to sex addict to unmarriageble. I can understand being turned off by porn because it's really not for everyone. I'm not a porn watcher myself but i have seen a few clips over time. It's not something i would seek out to use to entertain myself but i don't think it's a big deal. I actually think porn might be good for some marriages especially since all you christian virgins want to marry each other, how are you going to learn? I'm just saying. The last time i checked, the Bible is not the Kama Sutra, so unless you want to be missionarying it, you might want to indulge in some porn, for your own edification. I'm still just saying. 

With the way (some) Christians view sex, especially the ones who were virgins or celibate before marriage, I believe that a lot of them end up having subpar sex lives. Let's be real here. It's hard to just go from being "scared" of and avoiding something to just fully embracing and enjoying it, lady in the streets, freak in the bed style. After all marriage is just a piece of paper. You still have to deal with the psychological aspect of it and i don't think that is a switch that can be made in a day just because you are married. I have heard of christian couples who have not being able to consummate their marriages not because there were any mechanical difficulties, but because sex was not a part of their relationship and they just couldn't make that transition. Usually it's the females with that problem and i'm not surprised. A lot of people are taught that sex is a bad thing that should be avoided at all costs, and i don't think this is right. You can teach your children, congregation or whoever to abstain, but you don't have to make sex seem like this taboo.

As for all you people who are deceiving yourselves or letting your pastors deceive you, do you know that there was a survey done in 2001 and 4 in 10 pastors have visited a porn site? If i talk now they will say, touch not my anionted. The good thing is i have already established myself as an "anointed" so that rule also applies to me.

Take home message
  1. If you have a boyfriend who has been (or claims to have been) celibate for 5 years and his only crime is that he watches porn, be thankful. He is doing you both a favor. Just view his porn watching as an educational activity as you will be reaping the benefits of it when you are married. Abi, how you see am? 
  2. Porn is not such a bad thing.........unless it become an uncontrollable addiction. Hey, we all eat food everyday but some people are addicted to it while others aren't. It is what it is. 
P.S. Most of these Christian boys are not to be trusted. I know someone whose fiancee was a virgin and he was very happy with that fact. He didn't bother her for sex o, but he was getting it elsewhere because he wanted to marry a virgin. Oloshi.You people should shine your eyes. You set all these high moral standards that most people can't live up to, so you are forced to live a lie and deceive no one but yourselves.

I'm still just saying.

 Christians this might be a good book for you guys to read.
 The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love by Tim and Beverly Lahaye. 

I look out for everyone, now say thank you. 


  1. this gal!
    you sabi find trouble sha!
    ok o! make i talk?!
    my mouth is sealed.*zipmouth*

    BUT shaaa....i know of a gal who had quickie with her ex-boyfriend, when she came to give him an invitation card to her wedding a week's time! Said, her fiance who was a staunch christian said they should abstain from sex, which they did, but when she met her ex, she couldn't resist.........GOD is never mocked or deceived...only we humans deceive ourselves.. shikenah!

  2. these are all the things i was thinking about when i read the blog post on Myne's Blog... the problem with religion sometimes is that it gives some people tunnel vision, and it pulls to make things either black or white, while the world is never truly black or white.
    as i said, it could have been worse, she could have walked in on her fiance Fucking their Dog.

  3. I pretty much felt the same way when i read that over on Myne's blog too.

  4. i read that too...i was trying to find out when he became a sex did i miss something....i was feeling like...this woman got it better than some...but then again, to her it might be tragedy, but for some us....not so much

  5. Yo!!! How are you watching season 4 of downton abbey? I stopped at season 2!

    1. Sorry, I need to fix that. Season 3 not 4. They r on d 4th episode right now.

    2. oh ok. Where are you watching Season 3??!! That is what caught my eye in the entire post. smh!

    3. Dear Sting, I love you very very much. I'm not a consistent commenter, but your posts crack me up!!!! Thank you.

  6. some people watching porn = sex addict?
    i'll just say people should do what they like. afterall, its their life

  7. HMMMMMM. The scripture (bible) has got a standard and that is "flee from all form of Sexual Immorality" Did the bible say "FLEE"? Yes and not some. Sex is "sacredly" for the married. Porn is a sexual SIN. I myself might not be the Holiest but this what the Bible says.

    Thank you.

    1. @Sting, your comment gets a Facebook "like" from me.

    2. Sting i think you should add a like very much button for your comment

  8. Girls hardly like point, its the guys who like porn
    both Christian and non-christian guys.
    By the way, Christians both the guys and the girls
    want to have sex as much as you do
    Our desire to honor God stops us.

    So that guy, this is my opinion, he's been watching porn
    long before he was caught and she (your christian friend)
    should help hold him accountable or send him to a counsellor.

    I will not pretend to be living in Mars when i live on earth
    but pornography tends to desensitize you till every human being
    is just a body to you.

    Read 'Redeeming Love' and the value of a relationship where the
    man and the woman are committed will show, the intimacy is out of
    this world, nothing describes it.
    It is like intimacy between God and man...nothing beats it
    It makes me pray for a man that would be that secure, seems out
    of this world but i have faith.

  9. This post is so incredibly true and relevant. I've said similar things before and all the Christians wanted to attack me but it's so incredibly true though.

  10. I read that post on Myne's blog too and I couldn't comment cos I thought it was sheer foolishness. So out of all the issues in the world... out of all the possible things your boyfriend could be doing, he only chose to watch porn and you are complaining?

    And now you're going to end a 5 year relationship because of something he has promised to stop? Something as trivial as that? (might not be trivial to some but when he has promised to stop... why are u fussing)

    Ah!!! I had read the title thinking 'no the fiancee has committed one of the unforgivable sins' and... in fact, I comment my reserve

  11. Too much of anything is included.
    I know people will curse me but I think abstinence before marriage is counter-productive. How can two people ever enjoy a sex life together if they haven't got a clue about what they like or don't like.
    Sex....good sex between a couple is a wonderful. beautiful thing. *cough* *cough*

    PS - I am always irritated when girls say they 'saved' their virginity for a man. Is any human being ever going to measure up? We are all fallible and saing your 'prized possession' for a mere mortal is just silly.
    One person's prized possession is another person's rag.

  12. Blue film! lol can't remember the last time i heard that phrase this is my opinion if i am looking for a recipe i will google it if it comes with a video even better the same goes for sexual styles i agree too much of everything is poisonus ain't nothing wrong with moderately watching porn and Naijamum in London i absolutely wholeheartedly agree with you couldn't have said it better. It's funny how christians view sex as some taboo subject while other religions stress the need for partners to satisy each other sexually as for me the car had to go for a testdrive or i am not buying it.

  13. my previous comment totally disappeared anyway totally agree with NIL everything you sail is absolutely true as for me i am not buying any car without a testdrive. When i need a recipe for something i google if it comes with a video even better same applies to porn aka blue film (can't remember the last time i heard that phrase) but agree everything in moderation

  14. LOL!

    You dis gal and ur big mouf!

    This thing u dey talk dey complicate oh!

    It is well!

  15. Hmmm this one is dicey sha.

    1) I agree that the bible says alot of things, I also think we should strive to adhere to what it says totally not pick and choose like some folks do.

    2) Watching porn isn't a sin until the lady or guy begins to have impure thoughts. That is where the sin begins from, if you know you can't handle the outcome of watching porn, why tempt yourself?

    3) I don't think anybody should end a 5 year relationship because you found out that the guy watches porn. That person is confused besides he without sin cast the first stone.

    4) I believe sex is for the marriage bed only. Whilst it has not worked out for some as they cannot make the psychological jump, it has worked out for others.

    5) I'm not having sex before marriage not because I'm the most righteous person but because I believe as a christian I should abstain. It might be relatively easier for me to abstain than the next person beside me but then again I know that personally, anger management is my own issue and the next person might not find anger management as a problem. Anger is my own personal cross I'm learning to control and deal with. Its not a lesser sin than fornication or adultery, people just decide to focus more on fornication/adultery.

    6) The book of proverbs hammers alot on getting wisdom and understanding. In getting wisdom, we would learn to see through the gimmicks of people and some who call themselves christians. In getting understanding, we would realize that people are different. Because someone has a different viewopinion does not mean the person is wrong and we are in no way qualified to condemn anyone (we christians tend to do this) whether the person is having sex before marriage or not.

  16. sorry that was long, oh one more thing! If a "christian virgin" says she is saving her "viriginity" for a my opinion, ogogoro has poured inside her brain. She does not know why she is abstaining. That statement irks me so badly I'm sometimes tempted to grace the person's face with a lovely slap (anger

    1. Why do I love you so??? It irritates me when ladies claim they are keeping for a man... when the further say "it will make him love me" I am tempted to pour the ogogoro in their brain myself... but as a good Christian girl...

  17. Great and interesting post, there's a lot to learn in this world if only people would open their minds more.

  18. thank you sting. my fiance and i were discussing this matter the other day. i, like you, believe that the church expects too much from dating couples and people start to live a lie. as we are about to start counselling obviously the whole believe is that you are abstaining from sex, so i asked him why then do they do pregnancy test 2days before the wedding. we are all decieving ourselves. do we all say one thing out loud and another in our hearts? thats something to think about. anywayz, nice post.

  19. Thank you madam sting, you just said the truth very clearly

  20. I think ppl need to understand the difference between abstaining and being sexually informed. My point is that whether you choose to remain a virgin until marriage or abstain till then, you should still be aware of yourself and what sex entails. I'm not saying go pleasure yourself by yourself neither am I saying don't. I'm just saying you should be informed, whether through Cosmo, porn or just plain friends talk. Ppl need to be able to talk about sex. Not in a flamboyant, bragging way but it shouldn't be something banned from discussion. Sex happens and most of us participate or will participate so why not talk about it and learn from one another's experience or ideas.
    Our fear of talking about sex translates into the way these young, still in elementary school think. We never talk about sex with them and they never learn what they should and they end up making bad decision then we blame "American culture" or whoever but ourselves.

  21. Blue film, lol...

    The bible says a lot of things indeed. This reminds me of a letter I read somewhere. Will go look for it.

  22. Sting aye!! I like everything you have written... I like the way you take things personal eh! I would pick passion over passiveness any day... nice post.

  23. Sting, thank you for this post. Many of us Christians tend to sweep many things under the carpet in the name of Christianity.

    Yes many virgins and celibates have issues and motives. I believe that sex belongs in marriage only, i don't believe that the "defiled" are condemned, i don't believe that virginity/celibacy in itself contributes to a good marriage.

    That being said, let me tell you a story. My best friend got married to this born again brother that never even attempted touching talk less of sex throughout their 2 yr courtship. I was the no. 1 cheerleader/supporter of their relationship. I had never met a guy who was 100% in agreement with celibacy before marriage. We both felt her hubby was indeed a true Christian... Most guys including my fiancee at the time agreed but with much reluctance. My friend's hubby HAD absolutely NO qualms with the plan.

    Turned out on marriage night, my friend found that hubby had an undisclosed sexual disfunction. My friend married as a virgin, and now feels cheated to be stuck in a marriage with no sexual pleasure. Now that i look back, we should have known that there was a problem. Throughout the 2 year courtship, not even an attempt... Naiveté thats what it was.


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