Thursday, October 23, 2008

Relationship issues

I hate guys
I hate relationships
I hate the games
I hate the rules
I hate everything!


I finally admitted to myself yesterday that i am scared of being in a relationship. I'm sure there are many reasons why but the bottomline is the thought of being that "dependent" on someone makes me very uncomfortable. Ok, to be honest, it scares the shit out of me. When i say dependent i mean, having another person who can affect ur emotions/moods/decisions and a host of other things. Then there's the issue of attachment. I become attached to people very easily and that has put me in serious trouble on many occasions. I have sworn, never again.

I would really love to be in a relationship, but at the same time i can't see myself in one. I think i have become too cynical to ever let myself be in a relationship. I'm sure there is someone out there who is "different" from the bunch of useless arseholes i have dealt with in the past, but the question is, will i let my guard down enough to build a relationship.

I went to hang out with this dude yesterday and he kept looking at me with a half smile on his lips and this dreamy look in his eyes. I swear, the look was like "I'm so in love with you". I bet he didn't know he was coming across that way, so i felt it was my duty to tell him. He was like you are so beautiful. He must have said it at least 5x the whole time we were together but i did not believe him for a second. Fine, i'm not talking about the actual compliment. That might be true. He he! I'm talking about the sincerity of the compliment. All i was thinking was, "how many other chics does he say that to?" We've been talking for 3 weeks even though we introduced ourselves to each other in July. Funny story. This dude went to my school and for some reason i noticed him cos we always used to be in the library at the same time in the summer. During summer semester there's not a lot of people in school talkless of the library so it was easy to notice him. One day we got on the elevator together about 2 yrs ago and he made a comment about my book. That was it.

I suspected he was Nigerian even though he didn't sound Nigerian, but one day i saw him smoking and i was like this dude can't be Nigerian. Yes oh, i'm stupid like that, as if Nigerians don't smoke. Fast forward 2 yrs later, we had both graduated, i was going to a the library in a school closer to my house to study for the blasted MCAT and i see him. We both looked at each other and i guess i was in a friendly mood that day so i said hey, and he was like "i know you from somewhere" acting like he forgot. I reminded him and went on my way (He later admitted that he knew exactly who i was). Yeye oshi! We saw the next day in the parking lot and exchanged numbers. He didn't call me and i wasn't feeling him so i didn't really care. Funny enough, he has the kind of cute face that i like, but i was sick of guys at that point. Besides the dude is exactly my height (5'5, although he's claiming 5'7, ok oh! If u say so) and he's light skinned and i like the dark - very dark skinned brothas.

Anyhoo, he never called but instead will send me random text messages from time to time just to say hey. He started pissing me off at one point cos i was like what the fuck is wrong with this dude? Can't he freaking call? So i stopped replying the text messages and completely boned (ignored) him. After not hearing from him for like a month straight, he sent me a text asking where i had disappeared to that's when i called him right back and asked him what the hell was up with the text messaging.

We started talking regularly since then. He is a complete goof ball, very silly, always cracking jokes. I'm always laughing when we talk and he's the kind of person i would like to be around. He had told me he was interested but not directly so of course i didn't address it. I wasn't sure if he was as cute as i remembered anyway, so i wanted to make sure b4 i started talking on those levels. So we hung out yesterday, but here's where things went south. First of all, i was really uncomfortable cos i knew he was looking for a chic, or so he had said earlier. I really can't imagine being in a relationship with anyone. That's something that has a negative connotation to me, so i kept asking myself what was i getting into as i drove down there.

Then i got there, we start talking and during the course of the conversation he says, he likes being single and isn't looking for a relationship. Eh hen? Talk true. Ok! So what do u want with me? Long story short, after much dancing around the topic, he says friends with benefits. Now, you have to understand that this is not a serious human being we are talking about here. We were not having a serious conversation, so i can't say he meant it, but the fact that those words left his mouth gives me cause for concern. I can't just pretend like he didn't say it (you see y i hate guys, they are never straightforward). Then he saw me looking at him (he really is cute, and this is not my usual way of calling everything cute. He has a cute baby face) and he was like, "don't fall in love with me". Hmmm...... I just concluded that i'm not going to mess with this dude even though i already like him at this point. Whether he was joking or not, the message i got to say it plainly was that he was just looking for a fuck buddy for the winter. Una know say cold don dey come. I'm not down with that. That's a recipe for disaster. I already have relationship issues, then i will now enter that kind of arrangement where there is a huge possibility of me getting attached to the dude. When e tire he go just waka comot leave me like that. Hell no!

I don't even know what all this long story was for anymore. I've lost my train of thought, bottomline is i know i have relationship issues and i'm not very happy right now.


  1. FWB! i hate it when they say crap like that knowing that most ladies get attached.GUYS!

    hate them! but we kinda need them!

    I dnt think you have relationship issues, i just think you have a lot on your plate right now and dnt want to add any complications.

    Think deep about what exactly it is you want, u'll figure it out!

  2. btw, did u notice i tagged u in my last post...?

  3. Vera, which kain first? i beat u to it! HA!

  4. DANG!!!

    Toluwa beat me to it. If only I had come one second sooner.

    Toluwa, the battle line has been drawn!!!

    Sting, I'm doing school work. I'll come back 2 read & comment. I just wanted 2 claim.

  5. most pple have relationship issues but this guy...hmmm...I wouldn't go there if I were u. The fact that he even started out with random texts is good enough reason not to bother with him.

    I get attached to pple easily too so I try to screen guys as much as possible b4 I consider anything with them. U might want to do that too. Just take the conversation u had with him as a 1st step in the screening process.

  6. Vera, toluwa beat u to it. Should i flog her for u? Bribe me!

    Toluwa, i noticed oh! I have thought of 2 juicy things to say. Trying to figure out the third.

  7. Iwalewa: You are so right. It's still early enough for me to walk away jejely!

  8. We all have our little hang-ups about relationships, I don't know about this dude sha

  9. i totally feel the same way...(referring to the first two paragraphs)

    i think u didn the right thing by nt getting involved sha..

  10. "...the message i got to say it plainly was that he was just looking for a fuck buddy for the winter. Una know say cold don dey come. I'm not down with that. That's a recipe for disaster...Hell no!"

    Hun, you've said it...If you feel like this just follow your hunch. We all have relationship issues in one form or another. But your hunches are still your hunches.

    BTW you cracked me up with this. It's a serious post but it's got some humour in it:-)

  11. Chineke, Olodumare, Yesu, can you read me calling God in different languages?
    What is this I just read? You proposed and next thing is tell me you have relationship issues and go on a 'date' with someone? You don do me strong thing o.

    Okay, jokes aside. I feel for you. As a guy, I can't really back up the dude. I don't know why he's seeking fwb, to play around or he's not ready but that one no concern me, na you concern me.

    You need to work on your relationship issues o. I understand you being scared of being let down, heart broken and all those 'cry me a river' sturvs, but you can't shut everybody out cause of that. Of course, you can weed them out, like you just did for this guy but what you don't know is you may end up blocking out someone who will all you want.
    Just step up your restrictions, know what you want and don't settle for less. I for like yab you some more but sleep is catching me in this boring class.

  12. Zena: I don't know about the dude too oh! I wish i did.

    exschoolnerd: I'm glad it's not just me.

    naijalines: I'm kind of hoping i'm wrong about him, but........

    Invisible: The proposal still stands. When am i moving in? If to say u dey stay for Atl, i for dey go date? Na ur fault. Get ur ass down here.

  13. yeah, you sure have relationship issues! then again you've got a good head on your shoulders to be able to smell these slimey ass idiots from afar. fuckbuddy for the winter indeed!

    plus you've got to give yourself a chance in relationships, you might not meet your soulmate at your first try, but you'll learn something from it.

  14. Errr, ok, just marking register.

  15. Err Toluwa - do u have somefing to tell us.
    Sting - Please run for your life o! RUN RUN RUN! Dont wait for your mother, RUN RUN RUN! Dont wait for your sister, RUN RUN RUN!!! on the other hand, its been so long and maybe just maybe you should give it a go. And urhhh I dont think you have commitment issue cuz then you will be so jumping on this opportunity, I think your just cautious which is a good thing to be. Norin do u jare. One GBOSA! for you. GBOSA!

  16. yeah, well... what do with do with them.

  17. I don't think you have relationship issues. You are just a cautious lady.

    Fuck buddy? HELL NO. There is no end to what we dey suffer. Anyways if you won't go falling for him sha you can give it a try.

  18. first of all, i'm sick of stupid guys who warn girls off falling in love with them. like WTF??!! don't fall in love with me! nonsense. two guys've done that, and both of them ended up falling. well, with one it was mutual, but ARRRGGHHHH! so annoying.

    '...I just concluded that i'm not going to mess with this dude even though i already like him at this point.'
    thats the EXACT decision i made myself.
    guys are SO deceitful! they dont want to say they're interested
    so that if you aren't, they can deny they ever were.
    and then if you are, and you get too attached, they tire of you and say how they didnt mean for you to take it so seriously.
    it's all a load of BS.

    until you find the 'right' one, of course. :)

  19. *sigh*
    dearie' take it eazy but
    i still believe there's someone for u


  20. You'll be fine.

    I feel when u find the right person, you'll let your guard down and fall in LOVE.

    I also had issues at some point.

  21. LOL. I agree we are not talking about a serious human being. Friend with benefit fire!
    He cuts across as arrogant (I like arrogant guys btw)
    Anyways about u not liking or wanting to be in a relationship I guess its cuz u havnt met that right person yet, when u do it will feel so right u won’t have to think about liking or wanting it

  22. This post is a reflection of my feelings about relationships 3 years ago.

    God healed me, took away my fears, taught me how to love and how to evaluate love.

    HE can do same for you...

  23. i like the way u let it out ..just the way u are feeling it,,..u r just reacting to the issues you have had in the past..take it easy with yourself just as you are being careful about who you get close to...u'll be fine,,,peace..

  24. He might already be seeing someone. I was in the same postion with some fool I met at my old job. He kept on saying we could fool around but he wasn't ready for a relationship, come to find out this guy was already engaged (as in traditional introduction) to another Chick. Thank goodness I've had enough practice with his kind.

    So this guy will probably keep texting you, calling you and what not, then you are going to rationalize why it's a good idea and maybe you can change his mine and blah blah...JUST DONT DO IT!!

  25. I feel you 100% on this post! You have no idea!!!

  26. He just put me off with that sentence, 'don't fall in love with me.' such arrogance!!!

    I have to admit, a lil while ago, when my relationship issues were really gettin to me, i was of the 'friends with benefits' train of thought, it just seemed like the best thing at the time..but i was made to realize that it really isn't worth it, i'd just be sellin myself short n i cud possibly miss out on 'the one'.

    So yea, please stand ur ground with this unserious cutie n dont let ur relationship hang-up spoil somn good u might have..

  27. I should move to ATL??? In case you don't know, me and cold don't mix. It's cold enough in this FL city that I'm in at 56 deg. You want me to become ice statue abi.
    Carry your load come FL where we can go to the beach any time of the year jare.

  28. I'm back as I promised.

    Babe, RUN, RUN, RUN!!! You want a relationship (contrary to what you may think) and you want the companionship, of course. We were not made to be alone. You're just scared...which is totally understandable & natural. Take care of you, babes.

  29. I hate guys- Don't we all.

    I hate relationships- Tell me about it.

    I hate the games- Do we have to really play them?

    I hate the rules- Thank God they are made to be broken.

    I hate everything!-

  30. yup! i was right!

    happy birthday, love

    hey!!! where all d comment i typed?

  31. hmm

    na how i come read d story proper proper. na wa 4 d dude oh. ha! i used 2 say it's better guys came out straight up & said wot they wanted, but i've changed my mind on dat. abeg. dat just sounds so much as he was soliciting 4 sex 4rm a hooker! dude if u want sex without questions, hit wuse 4 (abuja's red light districts). i mean, daz just plain disrespect a man telling me he wants friendship with benefit. like WTF is with dat?

  32. i tink d dude is just tryin to use d 'dont fall in lov with me' lin to make u wanna. d guy too lik movies.
    anyways i really dont tink dere's anytin wrong with u it's just one of dos tim wen u just wanna b u for a while,and not let anybody b d determinant of ur happiness.
    u go girl enjoy urself.


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