Friday, June 17, 2011

Boys 2 Men

So there's a certain breed of men that my friend and i refer to as "Boys 2 Men". Who is a Boys 2 Man, you might wonder? Well, even if you aren't wondering, i'll tell u anyway. A Boys 2 Man is a guy who by all accounts should have already completed transitioning into manhood but for some reason chooses to embrace boyhood and continues to do the things boys do. It's pretty much a guy who's not ready to settle down or do right by a girl. I often describe them as "they don't know whether they are coming or going" and they expect you to be a part of that madness. They like to exist in the gray area because there's no fun in black or white (what do you need definite answers for anyway?)

Therefore, you could meet a 30-35 year old guy who still wants to sleep with everything with a vagina, or who thinks it's cool to go clubbing and party 3-4 times a week. Someone who earns a decent paycheck but blows it all on designer stuff and expensive crap with no thought of tomorrow or someone who can't make up his mind if he wants to be in a relationship or not and is perfectly content stringing someone along.

I'm not saying that 30 is the cut off point but i'm saying that i would excuse certain behavior in a guy of 27 and below because they still have some growing up to do but after a certain age i would expect those things would get old. You've seen it all and done it all. When is enough, enough? I've never been one to party or go clubbing but i have friends who did. I lived in Atlanta from 2002 until 2009 and i know there's no better place to party than Atlanta. Still as these friends of mine who partied got older, they didn't really want to party as much anymore. I take that as a sign of maturity.

With these Boys 2 Men, it's not just a partying thing, that's just a tiny part of the issue. The main issue i have with them is that they like to play with women. They are still mentally at the point where all they really care about is sex and how many women they can have sex with. They have their Atlanta chic, and their New York chic and their London chic, plus all the other 18 -19 year old little girls they play with in town in addition to their main town chic. They are so good at the game they play, each chic thinks she's the only one. Usually these guys are the "happening" guys in town and everyone knows them. So most chics would be happy they are dating him.

 However, these are not the only type of guys that are Boys 2 men. There are those who come as wolves in sheep clothing. They don't party or club, good head on their shoulder and all that good stuff. They treat you like your are their chic and are not talking to anyone else but they will never give you the title of girlfriend. That my friends, like it or not is a Boys 2 Man. It's either you want it or you don't. He already knows he's never going to make you his girlfriend but you don't. So you stick around hoping and waiting. Well, i'm sorry for you. Wake up and smell the coffee. It doesn't take a guy 6 months to decide if he wants to be with you. Some people meet and are engaged in three months and here you are with one who after 6 months is still trying to decide if he should make you his girlfriend. Leave him alone. He is not the one.

I'm not even going to talk about the people who have been together 5 years and above and he refuses to discuss marriage. That is beyond my realm of expertise but you and I both know the truth.

I can smell a Boys 2 Man a mile away.

It's so funny how if we look closely or even take the time to be observant we can spot these things and save ourselves a whole lot of trouble. If you meet a guy for the first time and in the first conversation you have, he's talking about sex.....Boys 2 Man alert! Pay attention to what he's saying. My friend used to like this one guy and as soon as they started talking, he would always compliment her about how sexy she was, she was pretty turned off by that because it showed his mind was working in a certain direction.

A guy who tells you he doesn't do a certain day, meaning, don't expect to see him on a certain day of the week or warns you severely never to come to his house unannounced even though you guys have been together long enough and doesn't give you a reason. An alarm bell should be ringing in your head when you hear that shit. I don't understand some girls. That's should be a bleeding red flag.

When i have a 29 year old guy tell me he wants to sleep with an Asian chic, a Hispanic chic and a white chic. Ermm, aren't those fantasies you should have explored in your early twenties? When does it stop? 

Valentine's days comes along and the guy you've been talking to goes AWOL. You can't reach him the whole day. The next day he tells you he was asleep the whole day. Seriously, is that the best you can do? You couldn't even put effort into coming up with a decent lie? (This actually happened to

Also, even though i'm not big on facebook, i'm always suspicious of guys who don't have a wall. What are you hiding? I recently asked someone why he doesn't have a wall and he said he doesn't want to get all the crap and spam on his blackberry. Ok, makes sense but still....... Most of the playas i know, don't have walls. There's something to that theory. Facebook has put many people in trouble.

Truth is, these guys come in all shapes and forms and if you are looking for something serious out of a relationship, you need to be more discerning. Don't rush from A to Z, take your time to make sure you know what you are getting yourself into and if you fall into the hands of a wolf in sheeps clothing, at least you know you tried. He just outsmarted you. I still haven't figured out how to fish out those early on but you start to figure it out after a while. Boys are not that smart. We let them get away with stuff because we don't want to deal with the truth. Best thing is to ditch the sinking ship and not worry about all the time you already invested.

Always believe people when they tell you who they are especially when you first meet them. I've had someone tell me he wasn't a nice person but he was trying to learn how to be nice. I should have paid more attention to that information because as i later found out, he wasn't lying. That guy remains one of the meanest people i have ever had the misfortune of dealing with in my entire life. Pay attention, don't sell yourself short and never settle.  Someone once told me "you can never make good pasta sauce with rotten tomatoes" and she really wasn't referring to pasta sauce :)

With that being said, seriously....where are all the good men? Truth is, i can spot a guy that's potentially bad for me in a jiffy, but i don't know if i can spot one that's good for me. Now that my friends, is a real problem!


  1. hmm... ' Boys are not that smart. We let them get away with stuff because we don't want to deal with the truth' is so true it's not even funny...

  2. You've summed it up well. I know a Boys2Man and he's over 40, lives in the UK, has a kid in the US he won't even acknowledge. There are still good men out there though, and I pray you get to meet one. Soon.

  3. There are good men out there..LOADS

    I am sorrounded by lovely men - cousins, in-laws etc who mean well....but end up meeting crazy girls.

    I have now seen - through their eyes - that it is not always the man's fault. Quite a few of our girls dont know what they want; Care more about what their friends/ family members say and Deep down, they secretly love 'bad boys'

  4. Best thing is to ditch the sinking ship and not worry about all the time you already invested.


  5. Hmmm. I really enjoyed this. The truth is that most girsl that end up being played always had that inkling of being played, but they choose to ignore it.
    There are a lot of good men out there. Loads!

  6. Like you said, if girls shine their eyes properly, they'll notice these signs and walk away. But some of us are Girls 2 Women too, lol...

  7. "It's so funny how if we look closely or even take the time to be observant we can spot these things and save ourselves a whole lot of trouble."

    This sentence sums it up for me. But the issue is are we ladies willing to look closely? That requires time like you said, and time is a scarce commodity these days. Most girls can see but are blind are the same time.

  8. TRUE WORDS! the pasta line sums it all up.

  9. Long post nevertheless interesting and makes a whole lot of sense like prism said "are we(ladies) willing to look closely??" this sums it up and the men in Dallas ......... no comment i just cnt with them

  10. "He already knows he's never going to make you his girlfriend but you don't. So you stick around hoping and waiting. Well, i'm sorry for you."---LoL, na real boys 2 men. Lol

  11. *grinning* wetin you want me to add now ehn? after you don talk all finis?....but, THERE IS ALWAYS A HIDDEN GEM AMONG THE MUDDY PEBBLES...continue to wash & sieve thoroughly and you would find it!..take care :D

  12. MERRILY MERRILY MERRILY MERRILY LIFE IS JUST A DREAM!!...thats just the analogy...there are no good men and there are no good women until we all determine within ourselves to be good enough for that one person..the thing is everyone always thinks they are good enough until they meet a partner who makes them realise they arent up to in other one is a good guy or good girl until u meet the one u love and realise u have some things to work on to make ur lifestyle fit into theirs...until u get to that point the other partner will always look at u as inadequate or a player etc

  13. lol @ Myne re girls 2 women.

    Ur post rings true in so many ways, but just as there r bad eggs, there are also good ones...there r good men out there...yours will find u soon.

    As for that guy who slept THROUGHOUT Val's day...hmmmm...i smell fish. lol

  14. Certainly some words of wisdom here.

  15. I love the quote you can't make a god pasta sauce with rotten tomato's seriously true .. you can make a good man out of an ass hole. the only difference with the rotten tomato and the ass hole. is that that fool can choose to change if he want to.

    nice post love. x
    and yup we are smarter than guys

  16. hmmmmmmmmmmmm.....
    It all boils down to accountability and responsibility. Some try to put it off as long as they can, though this symptom is not exclusive to men. There are many women runnning around trying to play 18 again, lord its triffling but it is what is it. One simply have to teach oneself to recognize and move one once the writing is on the wall. Wish them well and step.


  17. i feel like some men jst dnt wnt to ever settle down. Age is overrated, it all depends on a person's mindset. U can find mature 20 something's that wnt a family, and there wld always be the old men that wnt to be bachelors for life.

  18. Lol!! How to Spot a Boys 2 Men. They are rather pathetic aren't they? Especially the ones that want to shag everything smh!


  19. Cant believe I'm just reading this gem of a post. I copied and posted a part and sent it to a friend of mine.

    Would it have spared me many of the experiences I had in my early twenties? maybe not. But I am better for them..somehow. Now I can smell them a mile off :)


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