Residency

Sometimes I hate my program...............
My faculty advisor is on my permanent shit list from today. She has been on my shitlist since May, but today it became permanent. She's never getting off!!!
Sometimes I feel like i'm in KKK nation.
People call in sick all the time. I've only ever called in sick once when I had been sick throughout the weekend, it got to Monday and I couldn't not get out of bed or speak. Come to find out, 5 people called in sick that same day. It took me over 2 weeks to clear whatever infection that was which I know for sure I got from clinic, but I only missed one day of work.

I have had an exhausting month, been running on 3-4 hours of sleep a night, I've had to show up for work without taking a shower because I could barely drag myself out of bed. On Tuesday, I actually overslept and did not wake up until 0649 and I have to be at work at 0600. My intern chose that day to not show up aka call in sick and it was a shit show. That same Tuesday, I had to have a major dental procedure and go right back to work. I have been unable to take my pain medication because I have to work and it's a narcotic. The medication i'm taking to help with inflammation is making my stomach condition flare up. I am in so much pain and overall feel like shit!

I randomly look at my schedule this morning and see that i am on 24hr call tomorrow and I'm just like nooo! I can't physically keep going.  I call the program office and ask if i can switch calls. I know it's last minute but I have been dragging myself through this week hoping to recuperate this weekend.

Long story short, because i currently feel like shit and need to go home, my advisor calls me in the hospital and insists i make an appointment to get a doctor's note. Other residents have called in sick multiple days in a row and not once has anyone else been ask to provide a doctor's note. I know this for a fact.

More than anything else, it was her tone and choice of words which made it clear she did not believe me. Would I want to leave work in the middle of the day if I was faking? I haven't lost my mind yet.

Fuckers!

I can't Fux with you!

I have an annoying headache so I can't sleep and the floor is "quiet", so I figure this is a good time to blog. I've had a lot of interesting experiences that are blog worthy, but i've always been an in the moment kind of blogger. If stuff happens and I don't blog about it then, chances I will come back to it in the future are slim. For example, I never gave an update on my post about my encounter with the rude USPS clerk. Long story short, I got an apology email and was told he was reported to his immediate supervisor and the overall manager of that location. Case closed.

Is it wrong that I am giving anyone I know who could stomach voting for Trump a wide berth and side eyes? One of the residents who I would say has gone out of her way to be friends with me including inviting me to spend Christmas and Easter with her family is Republican. Fine, all well and good.After Trump won and I was going off  she said she voted for a third party republican. Okayyyy... The next day, we were arguing about Trump and racism when she said "my mom likes you and she voted for Trump". My initial response was yeah, your mom likes me and I don't think she's racist.

This lady has been very nice to me, welcoming me into her home. Her whole family has been very nice. She just baked me a huge ass pie for my birthday at the end of October. But when I walked away from that conversation which got worse the longer it lasted, including this chic telling me, they had to put up with Obama being president for the past 8 years and feeling the need to put Michelle down, when I talked about Melania even though i was trying to compare anyone, I was like hollup, hollup, hollup, something stinks and I smell closeted, subconscious racism.

I don't care how much you act like you like me, but if you can vote for a man who is against everything that I am, a black, female, immigrant, then I can't fux with you. I've always been a legal immigrant but I'm an immigrant nonetheless and this man is openly Xenophobic. I refuse to be the token black friend who you like. Mba! Keep it. How are you going to like me but can stand to vote for someone who is so openly racist. When I talked about my fear of increased overt racism, my so called friend said, It was happening under Obama, so what's going to be different? I was just like I can't deal with this bitch!

It's already fucking happening, dude! The day Trump won, 2 guys jumped out of a car and beat up this chic with a metal before grabbing her hijab and driving off. I have a very good friend from med school who wears a hijab and I'm worried about her.

I don't know o, but If i know you and you voted for Trump, I can't fux with you. You declared your myself my enemy when you decided to support that sorry excuse for a human being. I can't trust you. How can you not be repulsed by that man. How? How? How?! This is not even about politics, but as a human being, even W. Bush didn't vote for him. 53% of WHITE WOMEN vote for Trump! I'm done.

Today I got a text from her saying, I wish you were here, I can't stand these people (she was in clinic). I just look text comot eye. Who wan follow you dey do that one. Best believe I will never be going with her to her parents house. That's never happening again.

America, I hail thee. Wetin person no go see.

Do you still Blog?

Multiple people: Do you still blog?
Me: No.......Not really.




Life happened. I'm exhausted more than half the time. There's lots to talk about, but blogging has fallen to the bottom of my interests. I'm at work right now, waiting for 2 admissions to come up and I just feel blah! Unlike med school where we were contacted mostly by pagers, we use roam phones here. I'm always startled by the phone ringing which just makes my night more stressful. There have been nights where I wanted to fling the phone and smash it. I swear one night I was called at least 50 times. I wanted to scream! I hate nights! I never feel like myself on nights and it's more exhausting than days because I can never catch up on sleep.


I was working when the votes were being tallied and knew before it was called Trump was going to win. I felt sick to my stomach. Literally. I almost called in sick the next day. I'm surrounded by white people and there's no way to know who supports Trump. I just felt weird and almost paranoid and it's hard not to feel some kind of way about people who would vote a racist, sexist, xenophobic orangutan as president because you start to wonder if they share his sentiments.


It's funny how a day before the election, I had a patient who literally froze when I walked in the room tried to assist the Nurse in holding her up while she gave her her medication. She refused to take it with me in there, so the Nurse asked her if she would like her to get another Nurse.  I didn't think it had anything to do with race until we stepped outside and the nurse apologized to me about asking for my help because she did the same thing or in her words "freaked out" during the day when the black male resident went in to talk to her. I started laughing because I found it hilarious that she would be scared of me. Then the Nurse tried to understand that she's from a very small town where there are no black people (duh!) and still amused I said "I bet Black male resident was the first black person she ever saw". I don't know if that's true or not, but I was highly amused. This is 2016 for God sake. I'm not a freaking alien.




I'm not amused anymore because these are the same backward hicks who voted for Trump. Yet there many people including blacks who did not vote or voted for Harambe, the dead gorilla or some other unknown because they don't like Hillary or think their votes don't count.


People are fucking stupid!


It makes my skin crawl that Trump is going to be the President of the United States.
Racism is alive and well.
We are in for a treat.
America's very own version of Buhari's change.
What a mess!!!


#NotmyPresident


I had no intention to talking about this when I started this post. I'm choosing to stick my head in the sand for the next 4 years. What's going to happen, is going to happen. Not stressing myself about this shit. I did my part, I voted for Hillary. Anyone who did not vote or threw away their vote has nothing to say.


Goodbye!

Heated

When I first moved to this country, whenever someone was mean, rude, unpleasant or a jerk to me, I attributed it to them being a mean, rude, unpleasant, jerk. I didn't think they were being that way to me because of my race or my sex. I just assumed they were a shitty human being. To this day, I am not one to pull the race card. However, today was the first time in my entire life I have had to call someone a racist, son of a bitch to their face, in a room where everyone else was Caucasian, you could have heard a pin drop as I walked out as that was the last thing I said. I believe that is the best thing I could have done for myself because I would feel a whole lot worse right now if I hadn't stood up for myself.

I somehow feel violated. I feel like someone tried to come into my world and without my permission, tried to make me a victim, a victim of racism, of sexism and I had to fight a battle I wasn't prepared for and didn't want to fight this morning in other for that not to be the case. I refuse to be a victim.

I have not been this upset in a long, long time. To cut a long story short, I'll just post a copy of the complaint I submitted to the USPS.

On 8/15/2016 at 0800, I went to the post office to pick up my mail. I presented my slip to a female postal clerk and expressed to her that I was home when the mail carrier dropped off this slip but no one had tried to contact me to check if i was home and this was the second time it was occurring. The postal clerk at the next station who I would later find out from the police was named Jim, chimed in and stated that some carriers were better than others in trying to find out if someone was home before dropping off a slip. I informed the clerk that I had worked all night, got off at 0600 and had to wait until 0800 for the post office to open before going home and that wasn't fair to me as this could have been avoided. The female clerk stated that she would let her supervisor know and went back to get my mail, while Jim attended to a customer in his station. While at the counter waiting for my package to be brought to me, I placed a 25 second call regarding a patient as I am a physician. At the same time, I heard Jim stating that I couldn't be on the phone just as I was about to end the call. A second later before I had time to put my phone away, Jim reached over from his station and slammed a sign stating "no phone calls allowed" in front of me. The call during which i spoke in very low tones lasted exactly 25 secs which was how long it took for me to tell the recipient that I would call them back. I told Jim that he did not need to be rude to me as I was already getting off the phone. He proceeded to yell and berate me, telling me I was the one who was rude. I tried explaining that the call was about a patient and he told me I needed to have left my phone in my car, all the while yelling while there were other customers waiting to be attended to. I told him I wasn't being rude as the lady who was attending to me had already gone to the back to get my package. I asked him how he would feel if someone took a sign and slammed it in front of him, demonstrating exactly what he did. At this time the clerk who was helping me returned with my package. Jim once again reached over from his station and this time attempted to grab my package from the other clerk. I was fast enough to snatch it from him as he had no right or reason to try to withhold my package from me. I was upset that he did that and called him out on it. He tried to intimidate me by threatening to call the police and I asked him to do that because I hadn't done anything except stand up for myself. As i started walking away, he yelled at me not to ever come back to "this place" and I told him if they had done their job I wouldn't be there in the first place. Since he threatened that i could not come back to the USPS store, I went over to the police station and spoke to an officer about the incident. I was also concerned that my mail or mail service would be tampered with. She told me to report to his supervisor as they could not do anything about his rude behavior. She got in contact with Jim and asked if he was serious about banning me from the store and he told her he was not. I am reporting this incident because I encountered a USPS employee who was very unprofessional in carrying out his duties. He appears not know how to deal with customers and also seems to have issues controlling his temper. In addition to this he came across as a bully who tried to intimidate someone he perceived as weak. He saw a young looking, black female with a foreign accent and decided I wasn't deserving of basic courtesy. In summary, He told me to get off my phone, did not give me a chance to act on his instruction, proceeded to rudely and loudly slam a sign in front of my face, tried to seize my package, threatened me with the police for no just cause and threatened to ban me from the post office all because I told him he did not have to be rude to me and I refused to be bullied by him. I don't think it is acceptable to SLAM a sign in front a customer's face over a 25 second phone call and then yell at them to boot. I would appreciate if this incident is addressed as Jim is a poor representative of the USPS. Thank you.

While I continue to be thrown off balance by this incident, I believe this guy picked the right person. The next time he encounters a black female with an accent who may or may not know her rights, may or may not be a recent immigrant, may or may not be at the bottom of the totem pole, he would think twice before treating her like a piece of trash who has no voice.

 Dude did not see me coming this morning. I was quiet, soft spoken, probably looked mellow because I was dead tired so he thought I was an easy prey. He learned today.

Forgive the typos... I'm at work and really should be trying to nap. For me to take the time to type up this complaint, then blog about should give up an idea how upset I am by all of this.

Vacation

I am currently on a well earned and very well deserved vacation with the fam in Georgia. I'm lying here, chilling and wondering why people's idea of a vacation is to go out and do things. My ideal vacation involves doing nothing. I don't want to go anywhere, see anything, do anything except eat, sleep, maybe watch TV.

When we go on vacation we assign out inbasket to another resident to cover it. In the past, I would cover along just so the resident doesn't have to do too much. I did that on Monday, then i said fuck that shit! I'm on vacation and don't need to be doing shit. Especially when the resident who covered my inbasket on Monday told me the Nurses were been shitty to me, which i noticed but never really pay attention to.

First month of second year of residency done.... Like play like play, day dey go. It's been a crazy experience so far. My advice to people applying for residency is not to be like me during interviews. Actually take notes and ask questions. I went by gut feeling and got my number one rank choice. Have i had regrets? Many many many times. LOL. But it's all good, It's called buyer's remorse as my program is pretty decent. However, because i didn't take notes and interviewed in 19 places, they pretty much blended together which is how I ended up in a program that gets harder the higher up you go instead of the reverse. They want you to be acting like an Attending by the time you graduate. Okay now, no wahala.

Which is why the last thing i want to do is sit down and blog, hence the deadzone this blog has become. If i could dictate my blogs then we would be in business because i have lots of complaining to do about life and i can lie down and talk. Even the dictating sef, sometimes is hard for me because most times when i get home i have generalized body aches from my head to my feet and just want to sleep. Plus plenty gist.

Match.com update.....

Story for another day....if ever. Although i will say this... Life is very, very funny.  Sometimes you just have to take the bull by its horn, grab its balls and squeeze it and if you get killed in the process you freaking lived.

Carpe the freaking diem! You only have one life to live my people. Live it!

So how una dey? Gist me!. What have you guys been up to? Anyone have any questions for me? Ask me and I'll answer in my next post. I still have a couple days before i go back to work, let me treat you people to some Sting time.

I started season 4 of Jenifa...Jenifa and Pelumi...LOL

Black people are dirty and other stories

I got done at 4:30pm today............. and i didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know whether to run, jump, scream or dance awilo. So i drove to the dry cleaners and dropped off my white coat, then came home and did laundry.

It's 8:18pm right now and it's still earlier than I typically get home. I've been working 14+ hours 6 days a week and i'm exhausted. I got to work an hour late yesterday because i overslept and woke up at 625am and i'm supposed to be at work at 6am. The night resident and the senior both called me but my phone is always on silent when i go to sleep. I was late again today but 10 minutes this time. The tiredness is cumulative and i'm just exhausted at this point.

I spent my one day off last week running errands then i ended up at Ross. I bought so much stuff, I was actually horrified when i was being rung up and kept apologizing to the cashier. It was retail therapy plain and simple. I find that any free time i have, i go shopping. When i have a bad day at work, I end up in the store. I have more art supplies than i need at this point and I am spending way more money than i should but hey!

I joined match.com .....for 6 months. I was over it by week 2 but i can't get a refund even if i cancel.

The last couple of months have been a struggle. There's something in the water. Everyone has been acting crazy at my program. I'm not loving residency. I would love to be driving distance from my family. I no longer want to be in this state or this city where the lack of diversity and the amount of cultural insensitivity and ignorance is overwhelming.

Did you know black people are dirty?
Did you know that black people stain light colored sheets because their skin sheds and  the color stains the sheets?

Did you know this?
Black person reading this, is this news to you as it was news to me?

 How can you say they don't?
Are you sure?
Have you ever slept on light colored sheets before?

Facepalm!!!

Sweet jesus hold me back, keep a straight face!

 This was from a nurse who was trying to be nice by educating her friend who said black people are dirty, by telling said friend that we are not dirty, it's just the color of our skin that's coming off, when "we shed".

But hey what do i know, I might never have slept on light colored sheets before.

Let's not talk about the audacity of this white lady who told me black hair is crazy and she can't imagine walking around looking like that..... all the while miming an afro with her hands. That's not all she said but i don't want to upset myself this evening.

That's some of the shit I've had to deal with.

Writing

I have always found writing to be therapeutic. Before i started blogging in 2007, i faithfully wrote in my journal. Blogging replaced writing in my journal for a long while when i was completely anonymous but as i lost my anonymity, i stopped blogging freely about certain topics. I went back to journaling but it's never been the same. Now i neither want to blog or journal, which means i no longer have an outlet.

I was very angry today. Like, boiling mad. A couple of my co-residents are getting on my nerves. I can't even start to write what this one resident did tonight and she's so freaking clueless.  

I need a long vacation from these people. 

I'm annoyed about a lot of things.

House of Cards season 4 finally came out and lo and behold i could barely remember details from prior seasons. So i started over. Frank Underwood is beyond devious. He is evil. God protect us from people like that in our lives.

Downton Abbey season finale was GREAT! I was very sad to see it end. I've been watching Mercy Street, it's pretty good too.

psstttt

Hey people,

I'm alive and eating moi-moi right now. Jonzing for some garri, sugar and groundnuts soaked in ice-cold water........................

Bliss...

Today's yuck

1. The stench of a week old cigarette breath and unwashed mouth
2. Retching sounds and a bowl half full of vomit...
3. Blood splatter on my cheek, beside my mouth and underneath by chin. Thank God for goggles. 
4. Blood on my shoe lace despite my shoe covering

Par for the course.