Irony

My friend snores like a wild animal, i swear! I thought she was joking when she warned me over the phone, but no be joke oh. It is really bad. I was looking for my camera at 4am this morning so i can give u a first hand version of what i have been subjected to since Saturday, but by the time i finally found the camera, all i wanted to do was leave the room. So i got on the threadmill and ran.

So here i am with only three hours of sleep, she wakes up for me a minute and says "Sting, don't u sleep?" Now, that's what i call IRONY. Is she serious?!! Remain small make i tell am say na she no let me sleep, but i just respect myself. I am freaking tired, i was falling asleep as i was taking a shower, it's that bad. Yet i will come home and still can't rest. My bed has been taken over by her. If it was just for a weekend or even a week sef, e for good. 3 weeks!!! This hospitality business is a little too much for me oh. I'm too tired to be a gracious/good host. I haven't seen her in 7yrs so i should just suck it up and stop complaining. But still.................

Today is my immediate older sister's birthday. She has declared herself Queen for the day. She's stationed in Qatar until June. I can't wait for her to come back. She's the fun sister. I'm really proud of her, she's an E7 in the Navy (google it). The first time i called her at work and she picked up the phone and introduced herself as Chief xxx, i was confused, like, is this my sister abi na who be this. Anyway, she's cool people and i'm wishing her a very happy birthday even though she's not going to read this.

Hellooo, I'm Bri ish!

I wan die, i wan die, i wan die! Chineke God in heaven. I no fit again. I know i said i might be laying this blog to rest but i just can't help this post. I have been fighting it since saturday, i no fit again.

My friend whom i've know since 1993, e don dey, we practically grew up in boarding school together, is here visiting from the UK and she wan use pho'ne take kill me. The british accent na die. I don think, think, think, i no see how i wan take tell am say make she sofry dey blow the accent. She doesn't talk like that to me oh! She knows better, i don dey warn am back in the day when we dey talk for phone. If she wan try am, i go say "wetin dey worry u? Na me u dey pho'ne for?" She has only been in the UK since 2004 oh, e never tay like that so this one no be natural accent at all.

We went to walmart to go look for a power adapter so she can charge her stuff, as soon as people come near us like this, this chic start to give them the british accent (na me she dey talk to oh, but that accent can't be for my benefit). I had to hold myself, make i no go talk something wey she go use take hate me. I just jejely waka leave am for there. E dey talk, i dey nod head dey waka go.

Yesterday, my friend took us out oh, na so she dey blow pho'ne. The yeye boy sef no be better person, he was just eating it up. Well, he's too akata to know any better. I wan die. It was just a little too much. By the way, did i tell u guys i was told by a dude at my job that he's sure i'm a ghetto Nigerian because his roommate who has just been in this country for 3 yrs sounds very polished/british which is so unlike how i sound. I just weak for the boy, talk no let me talk. I just siddon dey look am.

You see how these Nigerians go about forming accents and making the rest of us look bad. Which one be ghetto Nigerian again? I've been here since 2002 oh, and when i want to talk, i open my mouth and the words come out anyhow they come out. I no get power. This same akatanised friend of mine (the dude who took us out) has told me i have a hybrid accent and that he's sure it's the pidgin english that's spoiling my accent. I cussed him that day eh! Yet, i will call Nigeria and my friends will be shouting that my accent is changing, say who i think say i dey spree for. No be small thing. Let's not even talk about my naija friends that have never left the country that will be spreeing for ME when i call. Na me go come dey beg them say, abeg uncle chill for me na, which kind oyibo u dey speak. I wanna, wanna. That shit pisses me off.

I feel a little better now that this is off my chest. My friend is going to be here for a minute, so let's see how well i tolerate it before i yab her out of that nonsense, or maybe i should just mind my business like my akatanised friend warned me yesterday. Me and my friend that came to visit are not very close, and i have been accused of being blunt on numerous occasions by numerous people, so i might just leave matter for mattias. I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings but i'm highly irritated by the fake accent i no go lie.

P.S. I didn't say i was going to stop blogging. I'm still thinking of what direction to take. This blog is done (or maybe not!) Kisses, my sweets!

I'm done!

I've tried to fight it. I really tried but i've been done since december 2008. I don't half ass do anything, but i've been half assing this blog for a minute. I love this blog so much. I am as attached to the little fairy house on top of my page, as i am to the green and black theme color of this blog. It isn't random, it was very well thought out. I wanted something visually appealing to me. I wanted a sanctuary. So i figured that if i was going to be spending time on here, i might as well make it into something that is pretty to look at.

Contrary to what my profile might say, i didn't start blogging february 2008. I started blogging January 23rd 2007. I remember that day very clearly. The fragile thread that had been holding my shattered pieces together had just broken and i was grasping at straws.

This is my fourth blog. I deleted my first blog because my sister found it and it caused some family drama cos of something i wrote plus i suspected Miss California over there was reading it. The 2nd and 3rd i deleted solely because of Miss California, yet she chased me until she found me here. Hmmm....! My first blog name was Bubbles. I identify more with that name that i ever will to Sting. I find it weird to be addressed as Sting (in emails). I really don't identify with that name at all. I was running, and in order to run i had to change my identity, yet it didn't work. She still hunted me down like a blood hound. Why couldn't she just let me have my little cyberspace to myself. Is it that hard? I am still very resentful of that, and my blood just boils whenever i check sitemeter and see that she's being here or even if it's just some random person from Los Angeles, California. I am still pissed beyond belief, you don't even know. Urghhh!!!!

When i started blogging in Jan 2007 i was hurting. I was in so much mental and emotional pain, even though i was seeing a therapist, i needed another outlet. That was my reason for blogging. I was so depressed, it was like this dark blanket was suffocating me and i couldn't shake it off. It was really tough. After i stopped seeing my therapist, blogging was there to pick up where she left off (I still miss her a lot). It was easier to blog, cos sometimes i felt like i was putting on a show for my friends. I didn't want to talk about how depressed i was everyday, so i would put on a "happy" face, then turn around and blog about how i was really feeling.

I can't do that anymore, at least not on this blog. There are so many things i have wanted to write about, everything and anything, that i haven't been able to because of Miss California and God knows who else she directed here. This place is no longer my own and it hasn't been for a long while. It's almost like i'm anonymous, but i'm not at the same time. That's a load of crap.

I have to look for impersonal things to talk about when there are stuff that i really want to talk about but can't. I don't want to do this anymore. At this point i am not sure what the next step is. I have a couple of blog ideas and i might chose to go in that direction. I'm really excited about getting into med school (the excitement increases everyday), and i might want to start a blog about my experiences. I'm sure it's going to involve some crazy stuff. I seem to have a special gift of embarrassing myself wherever i go. I think it's going to be interesting living in a predominantly white state. I had the funniest experience last weekend that illustrates how sheltered i have been (you really don't want to know). So i might start a new blog when i start med school and move 13hrs away. Fun times, i hope.

I'm not sure what i want to do yet. I might or might not continue to post on here. I don't know, but what i do know is that this Nigerian Scorpio is no longer smiling.

Icy

Since i claim to hate facebook so much, why am i still on there? I've been tempted to deactivate my account for a while now, the only thing stopping me is my naija friends. It's not like we even communicate through facebook regularly, but i just want that line of communication open.

As far as i'm concerned facebook is pretty much useless in terms of making new friends or reconnecting old friends. Yes, u find that primary school friend u haven't heard from since 19 gbidi gbidi no date, after the initial one day excitement, u go back to not communicating. I've even found friends that i was so shocked and excited to see, i send them a friend request PLUS a message, what do i get back in return? They do me the honor of adding me as their friend. No reply to my messager, EVER! That pisses me the help off. I have over 300 friends, the count would have been WAYYYYYYYYY more but i went on a deleting spree one time, i know all these 300 + people, one way or the other, but i barely communicate with more than 10 of these people. They are just there, giving me access to their lives and vice versa. Amebo heaven, if u ask me but i really don't care to know these days. Wetin consign me?

Interesting story, i saw a picture of this chic that looked familiar, so i sent her a message asking if it was possible i knew her, long story short i did. Added her, checked her profile, she dey stay for ATL too. Okay. Exchange a couple of emails, she just had a baby blah blah, me i'm all excited about the coincidence of meeting her and she living in ATL also. So i happily give her my phone number and tell her to call me anytime (Okoro feeling friendly). Auntie no ever reply that email talkless of call me or anything like that. 3 months later, i get an email from her about her Avon abi na Mary Kay business, naim i say God punish u, punish Mary Kay. Mstchewwwwwww.

I just get irritated with the whole thing everyday. Everywhere i go, facebook. I finally had to turn off ALL my email alerts. Do u know how many those things are? The thing was invading my life. Added to that was after being shocked speechless that this friend of mine got my address without me giving it to her, i googled myself (not the first time) and found this so called whitepages that now gives the whole world access to ur whereabouts. There was this other link that i clicked that had my home address, phone no, occupants of the house (i swear), my facebook profile with my picture also showed up on that page. What the hell?!!! That's a little too much information out there for my liking. I have googled myself multiple times, so i guess this development is fairly recent.

Anyway, i woke up this morning, determined to deactivate my facebook account (e be like say i even dream about the thing sef), one less thing to worry about and i get this email from a friend i haven't seen in almost 7 years. He calls me from time to time, but i hardly ever make time to call him (as usual).


Hey dear! wsup with you? Dont know but i have a feeling that you are not pleased with me. Really dont know why i feel this way. I may be wrong though. Just wanted you to know that though many waters has passed through this bridge we call life, only a few made so much meaning and impact in my life and believe me u r not just one of them but u r topmost on the list. It's still like yesterday, the day we said good bye when u were in ur mums car i suppose. its still fresh, all the nice times that we had together. i wldnt want to trade it for anything in the world. So in a nut shell i value ur friendship and i dont wanna loose it. Straight from my heart just after waking up. Let me go say my prayers.

I was very surprised to get this message cos i'm not mad at him, we barely interact these days so there's no opportunity for him to make me mad. I don't even remember ever being mad at him, so i don't know where that feeling came from. However, his email really touched me cos it was so unexpected. He was never a toaster or even liked me like that, we were just very good friends. He was actually the first guy to ever call me out on my bullshit and i liked that. I've had problems (Ha!) making friends since i came to this country in 2002. I have not had even one person come close to any of my friends in Nigeria. The one friend i thought i had in California ended up being an illusion. I'm sitting here thinking to myself, what in the worlddddddddd, what's so difficult in making friends. I had so many friends in Nigeria, i didn't know what to do with them. America, is a horror story!

He's email somehow, someway validated me. I know i'm a good friend. My friends in Nigeria love me, and won't just abandon me because of some bullshit reason (Hey California, i see u!), or won't try to date the asshole i'm dating and then turn around and talk crap about me (i just told her that i have forgiven her (thru facebook :-) so let me stop). (Not talking about the same person BTW)

Anyway, what's the point of all this story again....................... about how i wanted to leave facebook. Eh hen, long story short. I'm still on facebook. My friends email, somehow convinced me to stay, if for nothing else, so i can have easier access to my friends. A couple of them joined facebook cos of me, at least that's what they told me. I however deleted my two (measly) albums, and all my profile pictures except a couple (i just had to keep repping naija, i no fit shout).

End of story, now i need to go take that dog out to pee and fry some plantainsssssssss, yummy!

P.S. I love my doggie. How could i have been so lucky with a pound dog. He's lying in the corridor waiting patiently on his errant mommy.

The grandfather i never had.

The first time i saw him sitting quietly in the day room, i was drawn to him. He had a head full of gray hair and was dressed sharply from head to toe. Though his clothes were old and worn, they told the story of a distinguished gentleman. I imagined what he was like as a young man, he must have been very dapper indeed.

He was very proper when he spoke, words articulated in clipped tones with the old southern accent. I enjoyed listening to him speak. He reminded me of a school teacher. I never asked him what he had done for a living although he did tell me about his days in Vietnam when he was a young man. A very young 18 year old man. He told me stories of how they would sneak out of base and go drinking. I was transported into a different time and place, back to the porch of my grandparents house, listening to my granddaddy tell me stories about his youth. He reminded me of the grandfather i never had.

I looked at him and wondered how he ended up in this place. He seemed fine to me. Everything was in place, nothing out of the ordinary.

Then i heard the giggles. His cute, childish giggles. He was so tickled by something. Share the joke, grandfather. What's so funny?

Nothing. Nothing was obviously funny to me, but somewhere in the recess of his mind was the greatest joke ever told. Sadly, only he could hear it and he didn't possess the ability to share it. Although, he couldn't stop telling me how funny it was.

I looked at him, so prim and proper; southern gentleman from head to toe and i finally understood why he ended up here.

Still, if i had a grandfather, i would want him to be just like HIM, the grandfather i never had.


This post was inspired by my favorite patient at the psychiatric hospital. When u work graveyard shift at a psych hospital, u dare not fall asleep lest you be slapped awake by a patient (or fired! There are cameras everywhere). So what do u do to stay awake when the green tea you swear by has failed to do its job? You write!

Reality show whore

Hi, my name is Sting and I'm a reality show whore..... sorry, addict. Flavor of love 1,2,3,4,5,6,7, Rock of love 1,2,3, I love New York 1,2, I love Money 1,2, Tool academy, The Hills, Laguna beach, True life, Girls next door......name it, i watched it.

However these days, i seem to have acquired some taste. I am no longer an indiscriminate watcher of reality shows. You can call me a connoisseur of reality shows. Whatever that means. Anyhoo, just because i am addicted to those things doesn't mean i should be fed any sort of rubbish and asked to swallow. What's up with Ray J having a dating show? Flavor flav might have fooled the nation into thinking he was looking for a woman, he's ugly enough to pull that off. Ray J?!!!!!!!!! I refuse! For the love of Ray J? I'm insulted. More black women making a fool of themselves on national TV over a black man then at the end of the day he'll go back to his white baby mama (God punish u, Flav!).

As if all the mindless crap of The Hills was not enough, now we have to put up with The City? Whitney was boring enough on The Hills, why in the world would i want to watch a show about her and more annoying shallow people. Forgive me if my analysis is wrong, i never bothered to watch an episode. Too many superficial privileged white people. I'll pass.

Then there's Rock of Love 4 or 5 (or whatever season) that is going on right now. How many women does that 50 something year old idiot want to f@#k before he finds the one that rocks his world. I can't believe that Daisy openly admitted having sex with him on the show, and that other one that was still married, Kristy Jo abi na wetin be her name. At least on Flavor of love, we all suspected it but no one openly said it, as much as they fooled themselves on the show. Now all of them are opening their dirty mouths to say, if i can kiss Flav, i can do anything (re: Becky on I love money). For reals?! Idiot oshi. I have absolutely refused to watch Rock of love after the first season. Fool me once, shame on u (Bitch), fool me twice...............

So with all the nonsense reality shows that have been assaulting my delicate senses, HOW IN THE HELL DID I MISS, RuPAUL'S DRAG RACE? A Next Top Modelesque show for drag queens. Are u freaking kidding me? Where in the devil's closet have I been? I could slap myself right now. They even have a Cameroonian drag queen on the show.

A show about fierce drag queens.........BLISS!

Introducing Nadia

My sister's dog, Nadia. Isn't she adorable?!!!! Don't ask me how she got in the washer. I need to take more pictures of Lenie.

Craziness, i tell ya!

da said...

I know who you are and I WILL GET YOU! MAKE NO MISTAKE! In case you decide to do anything stupid, my police pals are already on to you, BITCH. Catch you if I can indeed. Now who is following a blind trail of artificial intelligence, wussy essy (there is a clue in there somewhere, hehehehe) Do not EVER underestimate me EVER!

March 17, 2009 8:37 PM

There are crazy people in blogsville oh! No be small thing. See the kind comment wey person leave for me. Thank God i work in a mental hospital, it has thought me to recognize mental illness a little more easily. I knew that experience was going to come in handy one day.

Just for the record, for anyone who is interested, my anonymity is not something that is precious to me on this blog. I am aware that it has been severely compromised (thank u former friend in CA) and as a result blogging has long since ceased to hold the meaning it once had for me. So if u feel u know me, by all means out me. That goes for anybody. I really couldn't care less, what do i have to hide? At this point, the only reason i continued to blog is because i enjoy writing my thoughts and i love being a part of this community, especially because of crazy people like this DA of a person. I didn't take his/her comment seriously at all. I just think it's interesting enough to share.

Special message to da: Please stay on ur meds Sweetie. It helps the craziness.

Moniker

How many names can u have on ur passport? On the re-issue form they have a space for Surname, and the next space for other names. Now i have a good number of names that have never been used, in addition to the names that i use. (What?!! Multiple names? I have a cousin who goes by four different names. Her mom calls her one name, her dad another, her grandparents call her another and she has an official name she answers in school. Whenever i'm talking to our (school) friends, i'm always tripping over her names cos i say one name and they give me a blank confused look)

I am the possessor of an Edo name (dad), Ibo name (Moms), English name (Moms), Arabic name (dad), and Baptismal name (i picked). Of all the names i absolutely hate the Baptismal name that I PICKED!!! Forgive me, i was 9yrs old. My sister and i were given 2 choices, both were names of our cousins. Thus i was baptized as Ruth and she as Celestina..................... LOL. I bet she has buried that name in the innermost abyss of her mind. I loved my cousin Ruth, so i picked her name. I hate it now.

These days i automatically go by Ibo name, and that all started when i got tired of saying my Edo name 10 times. It's really not THAT hard, but these people can never get it right. Well, i don't even say it the way my parents say it, so i guess i shouldn't complain (too much). The only names i haven't even gone by are Ruth and my Arabic name. A couple of my sisters go by their Arabic names but none of us have an Arabic name as a first name.

Wondering about the Arabic name? My grandfather was an imam. What do u think about that?!

First time i stepped in a church was when i was 7 for a cousin wedding -- my first and only gig as a flower girl. Next time i went to church with a house help was when i 8, and i got into deep shit. I remember thinking "what's the fuss about?" We went for evening service. My mom and us kids started going to church regularly when i was about 10, amidst A LOT of drama and threats of divorce. I still remember thinking "What's the fuss about, people!!!" What i remember most from being a Muslim, honestly....... celebrating Sallah!!! All that food. We were never really practicing muslim cos my dad who was the owner of the religion wasn't around to begin with. He's a full pledged atheist now, but that's another story, or not!

Back to the name issue..... officially on my birth certificate i don't have a middle name written down. However, on all my official documents, i have my English name (Which is a three letter name, who can guess what it is) as my middle name. I had the choice to put that whatever name i wanted since people don't generally have 2 middle names on documents. I don't really like my Arabic name cos it reminds me of a certain animal.

My immediate younger sister is named after the 2nd holiest city in Islam (google it). If i that was my name, i probably would have put it as my middle name. I went with my English name even though i never really liked it, i felt it went with my first and last name since it's only three letters and it fit nicely in between. Le sigh! That name is on ALL my documents now. The crazy people at my honor society even had the audacity to make my first name an initial and call me that middle name (eg B. Hussein Obama) I had to go correct them before the ceremony, unfortunately that's how they engraved it on my plaque.

So the question still is (after all this long story) how many names can i have on my passport?

Since we are on the topic of names, i'm seriously considering renaming Lenie....... i hate that name. Yes, i picked it so i shouldn't be complaining, but i think i must have been high that might. My thought process was Genie --- Lenie! I know it makes no sense now but it did then. I'm not asking for suggestions. You guys were very helpful the last time.

Stuff

I guess this must be weird coming from me, but blogsville (like facebook) depresses me from time to time. I don't exactly know why but i'm sure if i think about it, i'll be able to articulate it. I have never given it much thot, i just sign out when i start feeling that way. Today might be one of those days.

Do u know those crazy people at Bank of America reduced my credit limit in one card from $12,000 to $3,000, and on the other card from $5,000 to $2,000 without informing me first!!!!!! (Okay maybe they did, but i never read those mails, abeg). It's the $9,000 reduction on the first card that is pissing me off. God punish them and this nonsense economy. No, i don't need the credit, but can u imagine how this is going to affect my credit score?!!

Thank God i got my car last year and i have no plans to do anything with a credit score for the next four years or so. I paid off the balance on that (former) $12,000 credit limit card 2 days ago with ALL the money i got from my tax return (that was supposed to be my naija ticket money oh! The price you pay for being responsible). I have one more credit card to go before i am completely credit card debt free. Yay me! I have my student loan and car loan, but we'll just pretend those don't exist for now. Besides, only God knows the hundreds of thousands i have to borrow for med school, so no need to worry about those right now. Which reminds me, i need to go look into scholarships. I like free money abeg.

I was going to do the military scholarship thingy where they pay your med school tuition and give u a monthly stipend and then u serve for 4 years after u graduate, but i just found out from someone who actually did it that it's not a very good idea especially because their match rates are not good. Only citizens are eligible for that scholarship anyway, and i don't become a citizen until next year (if i can afford to apply for the damn thing, last i heard it was $675).

Back to work. Three more months to go in this dungeon...... I can't wait!!

The devil is a liar?

I was listening to a song by Naeto C today, i can't remember if it was part of the lyrics or the title of the song, but i know he was saying "the devil is a liar". For some reason, even though i've been hearing that sentence for God knows how long, it just struck me as an erroneous statement. Based on the little i know, the devil is not a liar. He says he's going to do bad things and he does it, abi? Do people just say that cos they hope his evil intentions don't come to pass or am i just taking things too literally?

I guess this is one of the reasons i have a problem with religion. I like things to be logical and a lot of things aren't. I'm supposed to just believe anything i'm told, and don't worry that no one has any answers for me that are not platitudes. The last couple of months people have asked me if i was a christian and i said yes. It wasn't supposed to be a lie, but i felt so fake like i was deceiving myself.

I haven't been to church since 2003, it wasn't a conscious decision i took to stop going. I used to work until 1-2am Saturday nights/Sunday morning, and the last thing i wanted to do was wake up at 8am and go to church as Sundays used to be my only free day of the week. I hated the church we attended anyway, so when my sister changed churches i never went with her to the new one. That's how i stopped going to church. I guess these last 6yrs of not going to church has broken whatever fragile hold i had on Christianity.

I don't even know why i'm writing about this, it wasn't my intention when i started this post.

Nominees

The nominees for the Naija Bloggers Award 2009 are up. Stop by and see if u were nominated. If not, u still have a chance to be nominated for the Category B awards.

On to other matters, maybe i'm still very naive but it has come to my attention very recently how two-faced a LOT of people are, especially at my lab. How can you say mean, hateful things about someone behind their back and then laugh and smile to their face. What kind of behavior is that? If i'm mad at someone, trust me, they know it. If i have a problem with you, we either work it out or i give you space. I can't have issues with someone and be smiling with them like everything is cool and then go be talking crap about them as soon as they leave.

It is just disgusting to watch. I guess it's human nature but i don't like it at all!

MSDS

Now you know!

Ewww

Is it weird that after all these months of having Lenie, i am still completely disgusted whenever he licks my mouth.....

I'm always like, "No Lenie, i like u but not that much". I don't know how people do it. I was stretching a couple of minutes ago and i had my head on the ground (at this point i wasn't exactly stretching anymore, just goofying around). This crazy dog comes from nowhere and licks me full on the mouth.

Ewwwww..........

Announcement

Nominations for Category A of the Naija Bloggers Award will be ending Thursday March 5th, so you have a couple more days to nominate your favorite bloggers. So for those of you who have been procrastinating, now is the time. No dulling! You don't have to nominate someone for each category, so if you have an answer to one, write NA and move on to the next.

We will be announcing the final 5 nominees for each category shortly after that.

Come on over Naija Bloggers Award 2009