Thursday, December 31, 2015

Adieu 2015

2015, I'm not mad at you at all. You were good to me and I'm thankful.
I started residency at my number one program.
I sailed through the first 6 months.
I got an awesome apartment.
I have the best coresidents.
My family is healthy.
I came out of med school induced depressed shell
I adjusted well to the lack of diversity in my program and little city
I spent my birthday with the people I love most
I completed drawing 1, painting 1 and painting 2 before residency started.
My family added a medical doctor, a nurse practitioner and another pharmacist all by the grace of God.
Best of all I no longer live in the darkness of depression. I have my days but I'm no longer in that black hole.

Keeping my fingers crossed, hoping and praying that things only get better.

I remain thankful.

Friday, December 18, 2015


I was randomly thinking of when i first moved here 13 years ago

  • I had no clue what a Coin Laundry was. For the longest time, i couldn't figure it out. I was like, is it where they go to to wash coins? But that didn't make sense. I don't remember asking anyone but I sha found out what it meant maybe 2 years after being here. 
  • Using the vending machine... I was in school wanting to get a snack but had no idea how. So i watched a couple of people, but wasn't exactly sure what they were doing, but didn't want to ask. Until a black chick came and used it, I figured she would be cool to ask as per her being a sista, for where. She was so snotty about it, gave me this irritated look and dismissively told me what to do. Winch
  • Getting soda from the soda fountain in the Cafeteria. Do i just hold the cup under the fountain or do i push something?  Most of it was the fear of making a fool of myself, but again i watched and asked questions. I learned very fast that the best way to go about things was to ask QUESTIONS! I figured i can look like a fool asking you once, but i never have to ask again, so that became my default, asking questions. 
  • Getting used to daily homework, quizzes, tests, projects in college, where you are only struggling for 20-25% of your grade in finals, as opposed to the whole grade which just one final exam like in Naija. 
  • How open Americans are with their personal lives. I was just like these people talk too much. I still can't get over one of my classmates in an honor class was telling me and our professor (there were only 10 of us in the class and we came early) about her cheating boyfriend and the professor asked if she was sure she didn't get an STI from her boyfriend and she responded by saying thankfully, she never slept with him because he had some scion scion on his penis and she wanted him to get tested. I couldn't in a billion years imagine that conversation happening between a college professor and a student in Naija! Make dem call call you Ashewo or runs girl. 
  • College students openly smoking during the day, both males and females, especially the females. I never saw a woman smoking in my life before coming here and the few guys i had seen smoking in naija was usually at night... under the cover of darkness. LOL. So that took a while to get used to. Color me sheltered. 
  • Professors wanting us to call them by their first name. I could never do it, never ever. Even till today, there are some doctors who asked to be called by their first names and i go right ahead and continue calling them Dr. XYZ. Naija people and respect, it's how my brain was shaped. 
  • Having an accent! Prior to coming here, the people who had accents to me where the deep speaking yoruba, igbo, hausa or calabar people. We had our Benin and Warri accents also. When i tell someone who grew up in Benin that someone was acting like a bini girl, they know exactly what i'm talking about and that includes the accent. Do you guys remember the recent video of a lady talking about how she used her Kpekus to make more. She was pissed and chewing gum in the video? That's a bini geh! LOL. Anyway, I was among the majority of "non accent" having Nigerian until i got here. At the end of the day, we all have accents. Someone should tell some Americans that. 
  • The bland tasting fruits and weird tasting chicken. Nothing tasted right. I almost lost my love for meat because of that nonsense. I actually don't like meat as much as i used to in Naija. 
  • In the same vein, getting used to eating large amounts of meat. In naija, you get your piece of meat and that's it. It's a wonderful day if you get two. Then i got her and you could eat only chicken for dinner if you to. Steak was the main course, with side dishes. That was so unreal. I can't lie that i didn't love it because i did. I was known for being a meat lover in my family. 
  • Learning to make eye contact while speaking to older people. This was one of the hardest ones to get used to. It took me years and years. In Nigeria looking at someone (an older person) while they are talking /lecturing/scolding you is a sign of disrespect. So you have grown wings?!  Americans on the other hand, consider you dishonest and suspicious if you don't make eye contact. It was bad! 
  • Walking by an older people, known or unknown and not greeting them or just saying Hi! Unlike Nigerians, Americans don't care if someone they don't know doesn't greet them good morning ma or sir. A real or fake smile will suffice. This haunted me up till med school. There was this older Naija transporter (move patients around) in the hospital, and he got to know i was Nigerian, he saw my name badge and asked me. I saw him pretty regularly, most times while i was with my team. The dilemma became how to greet him, should i say Hi or Good morning Sir. Ha! I tried Hi, smile and nod but only the proper naija greeting felt right. So eventually i gave in and even in front of my team, I would greet him properly. I did get odd looks from some of the residents but i was doing what my conscience and upbringing dictated. LOL. Next time when faced with that situation, I'll just greet properly and not stress myself about Americans looking at me funny. It just didn't feel right greeting an old Naija man, hi! I didn't know him outside the hospital and it most likely wouldn't have mattered, but it's ingrained. 
Mehn those early days were tough. It took me a good 2 years to adjust to being here. I was so homesick for Naija and Nigerians. I remember one day on the elevator surrounded by american classmates who never shut up of course, being so utterly irritated by the spree, spree, spree accent. I wanted to scream! Now the accents don't bother me and i'm "technically" a Nigerian-American, but  I will always be Naija for life! 

Thursday, December 17, 2015


Do you follow me on Instagram? Do I know who you are? This question is for people who I know by their blog ID but have a different name on IG. Case in point, my darling Prism was on my IG for a long time before she was nice enough to identify herself. *side eyes to you, Madam* lol. I also found out  someone who I don't think is a blogger has been reading my blog for 5 years.

I want to get to know u guys. Add me, Identify yourself. You can ask, I don't bite in real life :), well 97% of the time.

Time to get ready for work.

P.S. I've had to reject requests from people who don't have any posts or followers. That's just too suspicious for this Nigerian brain. I'm really not looking for followers. Just want to know my peeps.

Jisos! Just re-read this post and the typos were out of this world. I didn't even understand myself. Typos have been fixed.

Sunday, December 13, 2015


I'm in the hospital right now..... Just waiting. Waiting for new patients to arrive. Since this is the ED, it's not a matter of if but when. It has been crazy busy since I got here and I'm only just able to catch my breath. I don't think I'll ever be a fan of working at night.

My mood as been very wonky. Dysphoria is the best way to describe how I mostly feel. It's an uncomfortable feeling. There was a recent editorial in JAMA talking about depression in Residents. It was forwarded to us at our program. That same evening my mom asked me if I had heard about the article and if it was true. I said yes. She said she couldn't understand why residents would be depressed because we just finished medical school and this should be the best time of our lives. In my head, I was just like you are talking to a depressed resident. I just told her that it was very stressful both physically and mentally.

One of the things I've been struggling a lot with lately is feeling like I don't know myself.  I spent the last 4-5 years pretty much isolated socially, first because of how med school is set up with the constant studying, then eventually getting depressed where I was just trying to make it from one day to the next. I literally lost myself. But the sadness and depression and keeping to myself was familiar. I recognized that person. From time to time I would recall being very silly and goofy before med school. Times when i would spontaneously break into dance with my brother. Chatting nonsensical comical shit to friends. Constant baiting of and banter with friends. Those become distant memories of someone I could no longer recognise as myself.

Now that I'm in residency, while I'm not LA LA LA happy, I'm not caught up in the throes of depression. I hang out with friends and surprise surprise I'm often the life of the party. I've gained a reputation in my program for providing comic relief but I say what everyone is thinking but afraid to say or I'm just blunt.

People actually like me and want to hang out with me. Patients love me.....I had a 19 yr old tell me today that I'm the best doctor she's ever had and she wants to keep coming back to the ED just to see me. This is someone who could not wait to leave when she first arrived because she hates hospitals and going to the doctor. In all of these interactions I am myself. But I don't recognize this self. It's a weird feeling, not because I'm an unlikable person and I'm surprised people like me but because I'm not as introverted and uncomfortable around people/preferring my solitude as I used to be.

Part of that is learning to survive in Medicine. You have to be a people person and be comfortable dealing with new people all the time.......

***Ended up not completing the post yesterday because work.....

Lost my train of thought, so I'll just post as is.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Fucking Liar!

Just found out that my pain in the neck patient and patient's mother 
are fucking liars
thanks to finally getting records
I can't stand people who purposefully
set out to lie,manipulate and bully their way
into getting what they want
even though it's not safe for them

This person made me lose sleep because
i was worried about giving the best care
without giving them what they were requesting
because it could freaking kill them
Not knowing from their first visit they were lying to me
After they will go around saying doctors don't care 

Fuck that! 

Here's to all the enablers out there
It's not love if you support someone 
in doing something that might eventually 
end their life. 

Fucking liars! 

But guess what, 
I still have to be professional and treat them like everyone else
Give them the best care possible. 
But at least i can put save my empathy for someone 
who actually deserves it

Monday, November 30, 2015


Today, I was just minding my business o, walking past a Nursing station when a PA loudly asked
"Do you guys think NaijaScorpio's hair is real?" I slowed down and responded "Maybe it is, maybe it isn't" and he said "It's so shiny". I was like "hey, you can never tell with a black woman's hair" and kept walking away. There were at least 5 people in that nursing station, all white of course. I walked to my computer and was trying to make sense of what just happened. Was i embarrassed or offended? Should i make it a thing or just overlook it? I really didn't know what to make of it. Then the guy who is actually really nice and friendly, actually comes over to meet me and was like "Is it really your hair?" And touches my hair!!!! He's like "is it how it naturally is?"

Mind you, I wear a wig! It's a short wig which looks pretty much how my hair was before i stopped perming it. I actually have been dealing with alopecia since 2012, which is why i shave my head from time to time. But i am not about to be telling this Man this in freaking public. So i tell him, i have a perm. He's like why didn't you tell me, it's genetics and this is naturally how your hair is?" Then he's like, so is your hair really curly and i said yes, really tight curls. He's like you should wear it like that. Then he's like, don't mind me, this is just hair envy, while pointing to his bald head.

While i decided not to be offended (what's the point?), this dude was freaking offensive and oblivious to life! My wig is short and nothing out of the ordinary. I swear it looks exactly like my permed hair which was "shiny" after i got a perm. If I wasn't BLACK, would he question for a second if that was my real hair? Loudly, in front of people. Chei, I've suffered. Before my hair started falling out (thanks med school), I never wore a weave or wig and hardly braided my hair. I went to the hair salon every 4-6 weeks, wrapped my hair every night and loved it.

But regardless, even if this was my first choice, why is it okay for some white man to question the authenticity of my hair so comfortably. He is so lucky that not only have I mellowed out, It was in a professional setting. I've gotten so used to being the only black person around in most settings, I don't remember I'm the only black person, until shit like this happens. I worked 10 hours today and was in the hospital for a total of 12 hours (the last 2 hours spent gisting ) and I only saw 3 other black people the entire time. 2 were cleaners and one was a patient, just to give you an idea of how "diverse" this city is.

It's okay, Wig, we will be fine. Forget the rude man. In my past life, I probably would have slapped him when he came and TOUCHED my hair.

Sunday, November 29, 2015


I'm on call tonight. I can never sleep when i'm on call and my post call day is always a wasted day. My mood is just mehhh.... I finally finished all my clinic notes. I had one still left over from 2 weeks ago (real bad joe jackson) and had only done 2 from this week. It feels good to be done with notes and inbasket messages. One of my patients has almost driven me to drink. I swear down. Deep breaths.....

I feel generally uneasy right now. Life is just blah. Hopefully I can get in with zee therapist sometime soon. I hadn't wanted to have to make the drive to see him, but i think i need to. I have to get the mind polished. Med school did this to me. Sighhhhh...... Anxiety and depression. None of them are angry right now, but the depression seems to be mildly irritated, so i have to take care of it.

I didn't get the magnitude of what was going on with Sugabelly's story until last night when i was on Stella, then BellaNaija. I've been blogging since 2007 and have read Sugabelly's blog since 2007 or 2008. This story is not new to me or anyone who has been reading Sugabelly's blog. The fact that it has turned into this scandal right now is because the wicked do not go unpunished and Karma was waiting for the right time to strike. It's just unfortunate that she has to deal with this with the whole naija watching.

One of the things that stuck out to me was the dude saying Sugabelly was a blogger with a failing blog or a blog that wasn't doing well (i don't remember his exact words)and was doing this for the attention. I laughed. Sugabelly is one of the last few old time naija bloggers who still blog. I don't think she qualifies as a "blogger" in that sense which to most Naija people mean  a gossip, entertainment, news blogger a la Linda Ikeji. This is one of the main reasons I chose not to monetize my blog and go in that direction. This is just my space in the internet for me to do as i please. I don't ever want to be bothered about traffic, content, audience and what not. I'm not here for that. Although, I have been referred to as a failed blogger by an Ignoramus on a certain blog that shall remain nameless. Not everyone who blogs is looking for money or fame. This is just an outlet for me to share my thoughts.

 At a time like this, I really miss no longer having that community of naija bloggers who blogged to connect and look for each other because that is what Sugabelly needs right now. I am so concerned about her well being. Behind the screen is a real human being and I am very worried about her. Yes, I have reached out to her but I'm just one person. She needs to be enveloped in love and support right now, because this can't be easy for her. This is not what anyone would want the whole Nigeria to know her for.At least before, she was just Sugabelly, now her legal name is out for the world to see. Anonymity completely blown. Even the strongest person would be affected by this.  You all know how judgmental we can be, although i have been encouraged by comments on Bellanaija and Stella. Fear no let me go Nairaland, I can only expect a shit show over there. Madam Linda Ikeji has been noticeably silent on this issue. I don't have power to talk about that ones matter right now.

Put aside your judgement and remember you are dealing with a human being. As for me, I make no judgments, we all have our shit, some people are just better at hiding it than others. I pray that Sugabelly is able to rise above this and become the person she was put on this earth to be. This is one of the instances in which it helps to say "everything happens for a reason". Don't let life break you, don't let them win.

Saturday, November 21, 2015

LOL moment

I am currently watching a movie on irokotv Stellar, and this dude wants to date a lady and she said

"..... I'm older than you". He's like, "says who? Besides it's 2015, people are having gender reassignment surgery and you are here talking about age".

I just about died with laughter. That was so funny to me.

My people, i'm not sure what is worrying me o! Whether it's SAD or my enemies in the village, I had a meltdown in clinic yesterday. I've not really been sleeping for almost 2 weeks now, because I can't seem to leave my patients at work. I carry them home with me (mentally) and i'm constantly ruminating about things especially regarding a certain patient. I had clinic all day yesterday, I got there on time. We usually have patient care conference before clinic starts at 9am, but I just couldn't imagine making it through the day without speaking to someone. I was at the point of welling up with tears intermittently out of the blue.

In our clinic, we have a switchboard which we press when we get to clinic, and your name lights up so everyone knows who is available. I saw that our PD was around, so instead of going into the clinic, i went downstairs to the admin offices. I didn't see him in his office and everywhere was pretty much empty as it was still very early. As i was going back upstairs, I saw one of the ladies in who works in the program office, the same lady I have cried to in the past, and she was like, you look so pretty. I just shook my head and couldn't even talk cos i felt like crying.

Long story short, she asked me into her office, i used half of the kleenex in the box, she stepped out, came back, then another lady came in to tell me they had assigned my morning patients to another resident. I was like what..... They said it's okay, you are family, we need you to be okay.  When my PD got out of his meeting, he asked to see me, said he would be honored to talk to me. I went to see him and we talked about my issues and he gave me a lot of helpful suggestions on how to cope with the things that were bothering me, including how to deal with certain types of patients. I shared my concern about not wanting to be seen as been incapable of handling my stuff and he said it actually looks better if  i ask for help when i need it.

I was just like wow! I couldn't have ended up in a better residency program. I ranked 19 programs, and this was my first choice, not because it's a top-shot prestigious academic program which it is not or it was the "best" ranked program, which is it also not, or it was close to home, which it is DEFINITELY not, but because it was the best program that i interviewed in for me. I was drawn to how committed they were(seemed) to their resident's wellbeing, the obvious warmth of the faculty and staff and I got that "feeling" they tell you to look out for when interviewing. The feeling of "this is my place, I will fit in here, I could be happy here". It's from the gut and sometimes it's difficult to explain to someone else.

I changed my rank list, multiple times, but i never changed my first choice. I had some buyer's remorse after i matched there (LOL, human beings) but it appears I made the right choice for me. Everyone is so chill and nice. I told my PD weeks ago, that our call room at a certain hospital needs Jesus aka a makeover and he told me to come up with a proposal with all the things we would like, check to make sure other residents are on board and he will submit the proposal to the CEO of the hospital.  I've also lobbied for our white coats to be dry cleaned when we are on the medicine service and he is working on that.  After crying in his office, i left with one of his stethoscopes. LOL. I borrowed it cos mine has been missing for a month. They are that approachable or maybe I need to be more afraid of people. I don't know.

I'm definitely getting my happy light and follow my PD's suggestion of writing my journal because like i have mentioned, I can't write about patients online. He asked me if i still blogged, i said not as often, so that's something i can work on, hence this post (i guess).  I think it will give me a much needed outlet. I blogged a lot in med school without blogging about med school, so i can blog without blogging about work.

All i'm asking from you guys is to be present. Be present, ladies and gentlemen and don't let me use my EDO powers on you. LOL.

Back to my movie, Stellar, then it's The Duplex afterwards.  My sister said it's really good. It seemed like a horror movie so i didn't want to watch it, but she said it's not.

ETA: I watched 24:22 mins of The Duplex and I'm done! It seems like a horror movie! My lying ass sister. She gave me the impression that the dude was being pranked by his wife. Lies!!!

Saturday, November 14, 2015


How old would you be, if you didn't know how old you are?
I don't feel like my age at all. 
It doesn't help that i don't look my age
I was a professional student
and i continue to be a student of sorts. 

But at the end of the day,
Age is really just a number. 
You are as old as you feel. 

Although what would your physical exam read
 Looks stated age, appears older than stated age or 
appears younger than stated age
I have seen some patients in their late 90s look
at least 20 years younger. 
No lie. 
More often than not, 
It is appears older than stated age

Take care of your body, 
don't smoke, drink excessively, stay out of the sun, 
don't do drugs, take preventive care serious, be physically active, 
eat a healthy diet , stay hydrated
keep your fingers crossed
and hopefully, your body will serve you well in your old age. 

On a different note, 
I had the worst clinic day in the history of residency. 
I never thought i could lose empathy and get fed up of/with a patient

Friday, November 13, 2015


 Awake at 2:11 am, thanks to secondary insomnia. It was cold in my apartment when i got back from work yesterday, so i cranked up the heat to almost 80. Due to the fact that i haven't seen the Sun in over a week,  I'm starting to act all SADish (seasonal affective disorder), so these days i've been going to bed early even though i have TONS of work that's overdue. After having a mini meltdown over nothing, I took myself to bed and woke up at 11:30pm, pretty much boiling under my blanket. I turned down my heat to 70, opened my window and almost 3 hours later my eyes are still shining. I have a full day of clinic tomorrow, so I figured i should be a responsible human being for once in my life and actually prep for clinic. I've been getting by so far without prepping, but i'm starting to get some complicated patients tthat give me a headache even when i'm not at work and with a full schedule, I run the risk of running behind if I don't have my act together. I can't complain sha cos there's never a boring day. 

Within the last 10 days, I have gotten 2 massages on my head and neck, free of charge. The first was from one of the lab ladies in clinic and the second was from my dentist. Apparently, all you need to do is have a severe tooth infection needing an emergency root canal. I went to the lab last week to ask if they had a heating pad as i was about to pass out from my tooth pain, someone not only gave me her heating pad, one of the ladies went downstairs to heat it up for me, while another one asked me to sit down and massaged my neck and jaw which would have been heavenly if i wasn't in so much pain but it was so helpful. I ended up having to leave clinic to get a root canal after one of the program coordinators pretty much strong armed the dentist's office into seeing me not only that day, but right away. The dentist and his staff were so nice. I have been very lucky with the people down here.

So i went back yesterday to have the permanent filling done   (i didn't need a crown since i already have a bridge over that tooth) and my jaw was killing me. I was having more pain from jaw than from the tooth that was being worked on. This awesome dentist felt my jaw and saw it was inflamed and gave me an amazing jaw massage. I was like, I'm telling everyone to come here, this is the best service ever.  LOL. He's like i don't do this for everyone. There was nothing skeevy about the jaw massage, btw. He had two assistants in the room and it was totally appropriate or at least I didn't get any weird vibes from it. I was like all i need to do from now on is have issues with my teeth to get massages and he's like no, just pretend. LOL. But teeth pain is a biatch! I didn't sleep for 2 nights. I have never been in so much pain in my life. I contemplated going to the ER at one point during night 2. The next morning (which was the day i ended up getting the root canal), I was crying as i was driving to go to work. The pain was brutal, radiating up to my temple, towards my ear and down my jaw. My village people really mean me, this time.

I need to go look for the HappyLight on amazon and send the link to the lucky recipient of my last out of the blue, non-PMS meltdown to get it for me PLUS flowers and he didn't even do anything (at least not recently). In case you are wondering, no, he's not a potential horseband, he's just the Mr. Big to my Carrie (as someone likes to call him). I'm still single and currently tired of human beings in general. Everyone needs massive loads of Jesus. I can't even imagine meeting someone new and trying to date them, that requires the kind of power I don't have right now.

I dey go sleep. After i have shared my life finish, all you day time witches and wizards who read this blog will just waka pass as if i'm talking to myself. Mschewwwwwwwww....................

BTW, don't think i didn't notice most of you decided to pocket my "Happy Birthday", only 7 human beings wished me a happy birthday on this blog. What have i not seen in this life? To wish me happy birthday, una no fit. Dem don dey sell am for market abi wetin?  Imagine if i start asking for gifts, you people will take the post and stone me abi? I would say the usual it is well, but na lie! All of you, possess zero fear of God! Common happy birthday....

On that note, I bid you good day.!!!! I don vex. Make una contunue. I will deal with you people later.

I love you too! 

Sunday, November 8, 2015

Not Balling

Segun Pryme is a bone in my throat, walahi....Always harassing me about one thing or the other. Yesterday, It was how I haven't responded to the comments on my last post wishing me Happy Birthday. Please take time out and look at those comments to see if he left one. Anyway, thank you to everyone who took the time and effort to leave a comment wishing me a happy birthday. I really appreciate it. It was the best birthday I have had in a long, long, long time because i was able to spend it with family. I ended up having a kids party, because why not?

It really was an excuse to have a party for my nieces and we had a lot of fun. They had the magic candles on my cake to blow out to their heart's content. Every birthday, someone ends up crying because the other blew out their birthday candle. Apparently, there are candles that reignite after they are blown out and it takes multiple attempts to completely blow them out. The kids really had fun with that.It was a hello kitty and dora party AKA I used the decorations they already had at home. I got my favorite cheesecake (because my lazy ass did not order the cake on time), there was a pinata which the kids had fun trying to break open, that thing was hella strong and there was nigerian music of course. It really was a small family thing but everyone was happy and had fun and that made me happy.

Going back to my last post and the bone in my throat called Segun Pryme, I guess saying i'm no longer broke can be interpreted as me saying i'm now a baller. I laugh in Japanese. Abeg, let me clarify.....I'm no longer broke, means exactly what you read. I'm no longer broke. I'm a resident so i'm not making doctor money and rolling in dough. But when you come from having to survive on so little for 6 months at a time to getting paid EVERY MONTH, no matter how small, that's a huge deal. I cannot emphasize how broke i was in med school, but from July 2014 - July 2015 was the worst because I not only got less funds, I had to make it work for not only living expenses but also interviewing cost, hence by brief foray into professional driving (I drove to a lot of my interviews, the longest being 6.5 hours which turned into an 8 hr drive back thanks to being stuck in traffic in a particular city that shall forever remain nameless. Sheesh! ).

The struggle was real sha. Buying groceries stopped being a thing, although my fridge is almost always empty anyway regardless of the state of my wallet. I became very friendly with Great Value Walmart brand,except for their cornflakes. Since i still had use for my teeth, I refrained from buying that again. I'm one of those people who can eat the same thing for a week and be okay. As long as i had some stew, beans and sometimes plantain, I was good to go. I just needed to be able to pay my rent and bills and the rest took care of itself. I ditched my line and joined my sister's phone plan. So i didn't have to pay a phone bill anymore which was so helpful. I had finished paying off my car last year so that was one less major bill to worry about. My credit card debt increased exponentially, the highest it has ever been, because i was spending more and only paying the minimum payment. But a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. I had some lucky breaks along the way. Getting reimbursed by the state for interviewing at a certain number of programs, my ceiling collapsing and not having to pay rent in June (I could have sued the landlord for a lot more, but I don't go chasing after stress), friends who took me grocery shopping multiple times or who got me stuff whenever they went grocery shopping,  getting some money after my sister got her tax return  etc etc etc etc

My residency program did not help matters. We started orientation June 10th, but did not get paid until July 31st. That was a platinum level of brokeness at that point. It was unbelievable. Thank God for credit cards sha. To go from all of that, to getting paid regularly is simply awesome. So instead of being a "baller", it simply means I no longer have to worry about paying rent, bills or getting groceries. I can now start paying off my credit card debt and not only that, my parents get paid when i get paid. It's really just a small token but it makes me happy to be able to do that.

 I'm completely ignoring my med school loans until next year. Thankfully, I have very good prospects for being able to pay them off.

So no oga Segun, I'm not balling o. I'm just thankful.

When he is not harrassing my life, Oga Segun Pryme is a devoted husband, father, seasoned comedian (not just on IG :) and event MC. Check him out on IG, Youtube and Facebook @segunpryme

He also blogs at

Come ooooo.....Segun, e be like say you eat small winch, cos when i started this post i had no intention of promoting you like this, but i'm proud of your accomplishments. Let it be known before you become world famous, that i knew you when you had less than 100 IG followers, now you are at almost 8000. Watch out world.......

Thursday, October 29, 2015

October 29th

Happy Birthday to me!
The lord has been good to me.
I can't complain.
I ate white yam straight from Naija for the first time in years yesterday.
On the last day of every month I get paid.
Me and Brokeness are no longer BFF's
I love my residency program.
My coresidents are awesome sauce. They think I'm a riot.
I love living in my little city and my cozy apartment .

This morning my sister woke me up with gifts.
My 6 year old niece showered me with hugs and kisses
My 3 year old niece sang me happy birthday 
My mom prayed for me
I get to celebrate my birthday surrounded by the people who love me!
What a blessing! 

I have come so far from where I was the last couple of years.
What more can I ask for?
I remain thankful.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Anonymous Confessions

My favorite blog is Stella dimiko korkus. I've been reading her blog since 2007. I remember years ago when someone hacked her blog and closed it because she posted something they didn't like. She's always been an original and I love how blunt she is. She can spit fire which I love but I think she has toned it down a bit. I was happy when she finally got the type of traffic her blog deserves and she has been doing good things on that blog.

She recently put up a couple of posts asking people to confess anonymously. My dear, I don read, I don tire. Forget the numerous abortions and sleeping around, there was even a murder confession and someone who cooks for her husband with menstrual blood.

After reading those comments, I officially declare myself Jesus's baby sister, seated specially on the right hand corner of God. Even with all my unbelieving, non church going ways, I now by the power vested in me by me, declare myself a saint. Henceforth, I will be known as St. Sting.

Wat!!!! Ha! I haven't lived life o. See what medicine has done to me. I just chuckin myself for one corner dey read book, bad I no see do. Walahi. Now I know why Christianity has bale up the average Nigerian. When dem don commit finish, dem go say, but God has forgiven me. This God too good o.

May God forgive us all.

Now how can I get rid of this good girl image? It's too late to sleep around for money or use abortion as birth control cos any belle wey I get, sorry child, prepare to enter this evil world.

The thing wey dey pain me pass be say these are the most judgemental people. Na dem holy pass. As someone rightly said, na cemetary dey their closet.

I try not to be judgemental because we all have our cross to bear, but how on earth can someone have not 1, not 2, not 3, not 4 but 8 abortions? What the fuck is wrong with you? Get on fucking birth control for God sake. I'm pro-choice but God damn! After you will turn around and say God has forgiven you. You are so lucky I'm not God because I'll take those products of conception and slap you with them before I forgive you. Go buy some condoms, get on the pill, get an IUD, read, educate yourself about contraception, there's no excuse for that mess, because as much as we like to sugar coat it, that's a child that's not coming into this world for a frivolous reason. Fuck you for that shit.

Excuse the cussing, I tried really hard not to but that one just pisses me off. 8, 9, 10 abortions?! Abortion is not supposed to be used a birth control. If you can find someone to perform an abortion, then u can find someone to put you on birth control. Please fear the God that you want to forgive you. Still sorry for him small.

As for the one cooking with menstrual blood, no amount of Jesus will save that one.

Monday, October 26, 2015

13 years

October 26th, 2002, I arrived in JFK, New York. Inappropriately dressed for the weather. We missed our flight from LaGuardia to Atlanta because we were stopped for a random search of our luggage at check-in. That was the first day I was nicely asked if I spoke English. At that point, I just wanted the whole traveling ordeal to be over.

We had taken a direct flight from Lagos to new York, on what would turn out to be the last direct flight by Nigerian airways. By the time we got to LaGuardia, I was exhausted, hungry and in physical pain. We finally made it to Atlanta, where all the houses looked liked stuff you world expect to see in story books. They didn't look real, I was curious and unimpressed.

Time to eat and nothing tasted right. The fruits, meat everything was off. I remember being disgusted by chicken nuggets and ketchup. The bananas and oranges were off, the only similarities was the look. The taste of chicken was nauseating. My dad laughed at all my food complaints and said you will get used to it.

It took me two years to come to terms with living in America. My life in Nigeria was pretty good and I was homesick a lot. Everything was different, including working part-time and going to school. Will and Grace saved me and stopped me from going into depression. I missed Nigeria with an ache that got worse with each passing year. Home was Benin-city, Nigeria.

Until one day, I don't know when it happened, I stopped missing Naija. The ache went away and like a thief that crept up in the night, home became Atlanta.

13 years to the day I came to America, I'm sitting in an airport, waiting to board a flight home and I couldn't be happier.

Sunday, October 25, 2015

The Verdict

After my one week mostly mental "quest", I have decided I'm not cut out for the "I'm looking for a man life". My last post made me think about what I really want. I'm finally finding some peace in my life and I'm really not looking to complicate my life right now.

I'll just live life and see what happens. My goal is not to get married but to find happiness in whatever form that takes.

Vacation loading....

As always, I remain thankful.

Monday, October 19, 2015

I dey Find Horseband!

My maama don tell me yesterday say make i start to dey look for husband. I'm like, "look for?!!!", where do you want me to start looking? I ask am say whether she realize say na only oyibo people full where i dey, if she ready to accept oyibo SIL....??!!!! LOL. I know her too well. She hesitated then said they get divorced too easily. I was like, mother....everyone gets divorced too easily these days, leave that thing. She was now like, okay you need to find someone who is head over heels in love with you.....her exact words. Because they would love you and accept you how you are. You also need to start calming down.... Haba maama, I'm trying. I'm my grandmother's grandchild. Fire breathing warrior dragon :)

I would like to think i have calmed down considerably. Some of that had to do with maturity and a lot of it had to do with being completely sapped of all excess energy and fire by the time i was done with med school. But, it's still there. I saw something on blogger yesterday that made me go from 0 to 100 in 0.5secs, I was already about to take action before i realised i had misunderstood the situation. Jesus be an icebox in my life, like for real.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand, I don't know if i am exactly ready to be someone's wife but the idea of it has stopped being so repulsive to me. I can actually picture it in my head and this just happened for the first time in August, when I was looking at pictures on pinterest and had an aha moment.

 I was chatting with my secondary school BFF a couple of days ago and she was like, it would be like a dream but i would be married by this time next year. I was like abeg o, i no wan use dream enter marriage. I need to be wide awake for this one.  If the dude is not my best friend, there's no marriage happening. This is the only family member I get to pick, so why in the world would I be asleep/dreaming going into it? I can't join the let's keep our fingers crossed and hope for the best, I'll just marry the next dude club. Mba nu.

The thing I am having an issue coming to terms with and would more than likely be a huge adjustment for me, is having to live with someone. Like, I will have to see this dude every day and night in the same space, same bed.  God forbid he snores. That one na everlasting punishment but God in heaven knows if i end up with someone who snores i will not hesitate to get my own room. If there's a master bedroom i get to have it because he is the one who snores, besides i will more than likely need the space.

How do people combine all their stuff into one closet? I won't be able to watch the shows i want when i want? Will i now be expected to take care of another human being? Most of the time, my fridge is empty. I cook when i want to and get by on cereal for dinner a lot of times. The more i write about this the more i'm getting turned off by the idea of getting married, so let me just stop now while i'm ahead.

So I'm accepting applications from single eligible bachelors. Slide into my DM :), as one dude told me yesterday. No be only slide into my DM. But i never dey beg o so i can be a chooser.

Manna does not fall from heaven so we are being proactive here.

I no dey joke o. But let us all respect ourselves in this matter, look yourself well first before you decide wetin you wan do. Please and thank you.

I will let you all know how this quest my mother has sent me on turns out.

Saturday, October 17, 2015


The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny Him by their lifestyle. 
That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable
 Bennan Manning 

A very nice Lady I just met while we were having a conversation asked me if i was a believer. I was taken aback, because no one has ever asked me that question before and I didn't even know "Are you a believer?" could be asked as a question. I'm serious. How am I supposed to answer that?! Are you a christian, would have been less surprising to me. Anyway, while i was caught off guard by the question, even though I knew saying No would be odd an, I couldn't say yes. I don't remember exactly how what i said but i probably sputtered incoherently, but she noticed my obvious discomfort and was like it's okay.  Then i said i have my issues with religion. This is an awesome Naija lady who is prominent in the naija community in the city i just moved to and i know Naija people and how important religion is, even though i would have liked to make a good impression, I just can't lie about that. Anyway, it doesn't seem to have affected her impression of me, because she still calls me to come get food :)

I don't know what i am really. Atheist, Agnostic, in between, christian, or student of the world? Maybe more student of the world because as time has passed i have found myself uncomfortable saying i am a christian (they actually ask you that in some hospitals) because i don't believe (Ha! Madam unbeliever). But the issue is what don't i believe in? God, Jesus or the religion? I think it's more the religious aspect of religion (hahaha) that i am not geling with. The Bible contains a lot of contradictory things especially in the old testament and I don't like how it seems to be so open to subjective interpretation. There's just too much chaos going on. I think some books of the bible are awesome, containing sound principles and teachings but what of the ones that are just off. Do we just pick and chose what to pay attention to? What about the books of the bible that are not included in the bible most people have? What about the vast majority of Christians who pick and chose what practices to abide by? 

Then when i see certain representatives of Christ aka Men of God, I just give up! Add to that the general mentality of their flock, I'm just done. Case closed. Period. The End! Nothing to write home about. It's all over. Close the book, moving on! 

I went to church for the first time in 4 years in July. It was quick and dirty, 1 hr 15mins just how i like it but I just wasn't feeling it. I like the praise and worship but the whole thing was just off to me. 
 I'm open to listening, learning, trying but at all times I will always be true to myself. I haven't gone back to Church. I don't know when next i will, maybe the next time I'm invited again, because that's how i ended up in church in the first place. I still love Joel Osteen and his teaching but i haven't listened or read anything from him in years. 

I was thinking to myself the other day, how i have never wanted a God fearing man, like most people i know. I'm so random and off and weird but that's okay. LOL. I just want a normal person. When the thought occurred to me, I was just like, Girl you need Jesus. This actually happens to currently be my favorite saying "xyz needs Jesus". My co-residents now know me for that. LOL.

Religion is actually a pain in the ass if you ask me. Look at what crazy people have reduced islam too. Islam is supposed to be a religion of peace, but certain lunatics have hijacked it for their own cause. I can't freaking believe we have a terrorist group in Nigeria, with parents sending their little daughters and sons to be suicide bombers. The whole world has gone to hell in a hand basket. 

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Useless blogger

So according to Segun Pryme i'm a useless blogger. Vex no let me vex because na me find trouble. I don start to dey vex wan curse my blog readers, naim Segun give me the washing of my life up to the extent of saying my last post, from post enter poem. But he's right......
  1. I blog infrequently
  2. I almost never respond to comments
  3. I  can write without saying anything
  4. Na me really useless pass. 
I'm hampered by the following
  1. I really can't blog about work/patients due to this thing called HIPAA 
  2. I typically don't blog about the people in my life. It saves a whole lot of future stress. I prefer to keep my thoughts about certain things and situations in my head.
  3. I can't blog at work; don't have the time and wouldn't want to access my blog from a work computer anyway. 
  4. When i get home, the last thing i want to do is blog
  5. I'm not necessarily an anonymous blogger so i am very conscious of what i share on this blog.
  6. TIME, TIME, TIME.... I don't have time to blog. 
  7. I have lost whatever connection i had to my blog readers so there's no pull to blog. It would be easier to be consistent if I felt connected to my audience.
Does anyone really care? I would seriously LOVE to know. Who is reading? Why do you keep reading? What would you like to read about? What are you curious about me and my life that you would love to know?

I would really love to know who still reads this blog besides the few souls who still comment regularly.

Segun abeg, abeg, abeg!!!!! you don't count because as much as you harass me about not blogging or responding to comments, I haven't seen your brake light here in forever, so park well.

I'm supposed to be looking up the current literature on preoperative antibiotics for shoulder arthroplasty. Hate on a!  I'm finding lots of awesome articles but what i actually need!!!!!!!

Wednesday, September 30, 2015


I want to blog, but don't know which story to tell. 
But the stories....
they are plenty!

It no longer feels weird to introduce myself as 
Dr. Sting

I pronounced my first death
and cried while doing it
silent tears
because we had gone on this journey together
The patient, his family and I

I saw the true meaning of the statement made by Patch Adams
"You treat a disease, you win, you lose.
You treat a person, 
I guarantee you, you'll win
no matter what the outcome"

Truer words have never been spoken.

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

Worrying is for the worried

I had a 15 hr day today.

I was sitting with my hands on my head, lost in deep thought a few minutes ago and when I snapped back to reality, it occurred to me that I was sitting here worrying about my patient. You would think that getting home would be a relief, a chance to get away and decompress. That's not always the case. It's harder when u have gotten close to the patient and their family and I have realised that it's takes very little to do that.

I've always known that people love when u remember their names. Feeling that you have someone actually paying attention to you and only you or your sick relative, no one else matters at that point, just you, is very important. So when I do my interviews in the patient's room, I pull up a chair and sit down. If there is family present, I introduce myself to each one and make sure i ask and remember their names.

When I stopped by this evening in the ICU, the family was present and actually about to leave, they saw me and immediately smiled. After the attending physician finishing talking to them, as they walked away, one of the daughters turned to me and said, "you are going to make a very good doctor"

Knowing that their family member might not be heading in the right direction is really a cause for concern. I told the patient this morning before the rapid response was called to please get better, your family is so nice.... What I didn't say but was thinking is, I don't want to give them bad news. Please get well because the last thing I want right now is to have to lose a patient.

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

Bride Price

I just bought my ticket for my vacation next month. Yay!

My dad  collected $1 as bride price for my sister this past weekend. He didn't want to take anything at all, but the in-laws insisted and he collected a dollar. Our bride price is typically 21 Naira  but my granddad started the tradition of not collecting anything and unlike a lot of stories i've heard from the older generation, he told his daughters that they were always free to come back to his house if things did not work out. I think he was very progressive for his time. He died before i was born so i didn't get to meet him.

So i was driving home from work yesterday, i was talking about the $1 bride price with my dad and i told him I wanted him to collect more than a dollar for my bride price. He started laughing and asked how much i wanted him to take and i said thousands, that he can give it to me if he doesn't want it. I'm not doing that $1 story. I'm going with my igbo side on this one. How much does a American trained doctor go for these days?

It doesn't matter anyway cos my dad will still collect $1. He should at least ask the in-laws to pay off my student loans.

Now that's a plan I love. If only i was an Indian dude. I actually saw that in a movie.

Tuesday, September 1, 2015


"You are as beautiful as you are good" Then she turned to her sister and asked "right?"
Sister responds "she's very beautiful" puts her two hands together and gives a slight bow in thanks.

I was floored, very unexpected praise/compliment. I said thanks, that their mom is lovely and and speaks very highly of her daughters which reminds me of my relationship with my mother.......

Moments earlier when I sat on a chair beside the patient's bed adjusting the position of the bed to suit her, then getting a pillow to elevate her leg to make her more comfortable, only the second sister was present and she had said "isn't this a waste of your talent, I can do this for her". I said no talent is being wasted this is all part of what I do.

I'm so glad that I found my way to the specialty where I can take care of the person with the disease not just the disease. And as much as I hated my med school experience with each day that passes, I am so thankful for the excellent training I got in my med school. I now realize how good my med school is. From first year, it was not only drilled into us, we were given the opportunity to learn and practice how to see and acknowledge the person behind the disease. We learned from day one the importance of listening and communicating with your patients. History, history, history, the key to the diagnoses most of the time is history. Listen and let the patient tell you what is wrong with them.

These things are now second nature to me, it's the only way I know how to practice. Even in med school, when patients were mean and grumpy to me,  I never took it personally, I knew It was usually not about me no one enjoys being sick and in a hospital bed surrounded by the unfamiliar and fear of the unknown. Some people just handle it more gracefully than others. So these days when I receive such praise, I still continue to be floored because i'm just being myself. I don't think i'm doing anything special.

 When you tell a patient or their family member you will do something, never blow it off, find time to do it, otherwise don't say you will you it. I learned this while before med school while working at the psych hospital and it was again emphasized in med school. The other day, a very nice patient was talking about wanting to understand more about what was going on with her any was going to google it. I said, why not let me get you information from a great source that doctors use all the time (Up to date anyone? :). When i actually brought her the information right before she was discharged, she was surprised and thanked me for remembering. I said, if i tell you i'm going to do something, then i do it.
I was actually called by the attending to meet him to round on that patient, instead of rushing down, i took the extra two-three minutes i needed to pull up the information and print it out before going to meet him. He rounded on the patient without me, cos she was just getting discharged. When i was walking towards the room, he told me he already saw the patient and i told him i had to give her the information she requested on her illness, and he said oh good! .

It's the little things that count. As a med student, I would watch patients or their families during rounds and often see the confusion on their faces. Too much information, sometimes a lot of doctor speak going on. A lot of patients are not comfortable asking questions for fear of exposing their ignorance or not wanting to challenge the doctor. If they were my patients, I always went back after rounds to clarify, fill in gaps and just generally get everyone on the same page. I would always tell family members and patients that they were the best advocate for themselves and they needed to speak up, ask questions, know why they were being put on the medications they were prescribed.

I had a dream on Sunday that I was still trying to get into med school and I was very discouraged about getting in and was thinking of giving up. It was such a vivid dream and I was SO relieved to realise when I woke up that it was just a dream. That not only have I gotten into med school, I'm done with it and i'm now a doctor. It was a reminder to focus on how far I've come and how much i overcame to get here. I wasn't very happy the whole month of August and I needed to be reminded that my life could be a whole lot worse.

I remain thankful. Always!

Wednesday, August 26, 2015


I had a long day in clinic today. I was the last person to leave because my visits ran late due to a number of things. I didn't end up writing any notes. I left and went straight to girls nights with my coresidents. My first meal of the day was a jumbo margarita at almost 8pm but it was an extremely gratifying day.

All my new patients I saw today all really liked me and they told me. It makes all the stress worth it especially when I'm just being myself. To hear someone say, you don't know how much you've done for me, I was really worried about coming here today because xyz but you were awesome, when all I did was listen and validate and encourage from one human to another. I can order labs, prescribe meds, play doctor but nothing is more important to me than the human connection.

I love what I do and I think it shows. Today was a good day.

I'm still so fucking sleep deprived though it's not even funny.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Foot in the mouth syndrome

AKA Oops!

When you tell a patient that they are doing very well for a 97year old in spite of all their medical conditions when in fact, they are ONLY 74 years old.

Yikess!!! I was only trying to be encouraging and thanks to being terribly busy, I only got a verbal report from the hospitalist who told me the pt was 97 and I didn't have time to look up the patient myself.

General: In moderate distress. Appears much older than stated age.

In my defense the patient totally looked 97

Praying to God I have a quiet night. We admit every night and so far it's been crazy busy.

Sunday, August 2, 2015

These guys ain't loyal, Sis!

First rotation done! Already done with the first week of my second rotation, although all my rotations don't run for 4 week blocks, but most do. But we are not going to get into logistics. Things have been going well.

High lights include

  1. Being told by a nurse that of all the residents she has ever worked with, I have one of the sweetest personalities..... Like, oo ma gad! 
  2. My PD saying he thinks i'm a very genuine person and someone who is always true to herself. 
  3. A patient complaint about me 0_O. I'm totally innocent :)
  4. Being pulled over for speeding but getting a warning and being escorted to my destination instead after pulling the lost physician card. Hey, hey, hey! Don't judge me. I really was lost thanks to construction, my GPS was in the process of rerouting and i wasn't paying attention to the speed limit. Plus, i guess it helped that i said i was going to the DV shelter. Perkity perk. No 
  5. Just being content and at peace generally. 
  6. My awesome, awesome apartment. I just love...................
That is until my friend boy decided to be a daytime wizard and shatter my peace. These boys ain't loyal. This is what i get for not listening to my therapist. Don't worry about what he told me to do. I kinda was taking the slick way outish. Trying to stay in the gray area. One leg in, both facing out. Shit still sucks. He better not come back, cos imma karate kick all his teeth down his throat. Verbally! I'm still against physical violence. Urgh! I miss my therapist and therapy. I can't wait to see him at the end of the month and just cry and laugh about what a stubborn non compliant goat i am. But by then i'll be feeling better and this crap won't even matter. 

Seriously guys, if you read this post and waka pass, you will have hot pile  for the rest of the week. Stop making me feel like i'm talking to myself. Girls are not smiling. 

I still love you guys. Bye! 

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Dr. Sting loading.......

3 weeks of orientation is finally over!
I got to know my co-residents
(it was by force by fire)
We went canoeing, 
spent two days and two nights in a different city
drove down to the mothership for a procedures workshop
suffered through the horrific EMR training at one hospital together
hung out and watched the basketball finals
went to the picnic, grad dinner and dinner with the chiefs together
dubbed ourselves the coolest residents amongst the "other" residents 
in affiliated programs
Gave our group a nickname
Had pity parties at various times over the never ending orientation
Teased each other both in person and in group texts
It's amazing what 3 weeks of forced daily all day contact
 would do to a group of people
We actually like each other.
Thank God for that!

Tomorrow i will be thrown to the wolves.
 I have gone from feeling dread 
to being excited.
I dreamt it
Worked my ass off
I made it!
Against all odds
through blood, sweat, copious tears
and never ending lamentations
I made it!
I freaking made it.

Jesus Halleluyah Christ! 

"She believed she could, so she did!" - R.S Grey

There's a testimony in there guys
but this jollof rice i'm eating
won't free me to blog properly
One hand typing is not it.

I'm thankful!
Even when i was miserable and hated what i was doing
what i was passing through
feeling like i made a mistake
hating medicine
In my rare quiet moments 
when i got a second to breath
I was always thankful

 in my darkest hours
when i couldn't see beyond my nose
talkless of seeing any light at the end of the tunnel
There was always this distant, faded memory
of the girl who dreamt of 
becoming a doctor
So she could change lives and put smiles on faces

"She stood in the storm, and when the wind did not blow her away, she adjusted her sails" - Elizabeth Edwards

at 6am
I will walk into the hospital
The same person I was yesterday
but this time as
Sting, MD
reporting for duty

Fuck what you heard! 

"She's her mother's daughter, strong African woman"
-Me, myself and Sting

Maama I made it!
I am so proud of my mother.
She's the ultimate boss. 
All that i am and all that i will ever be
i owe to her.
She's responsible for the foundation and 
the core of my soul 
I love and honor her! 

"After a while I looked in the mirror and realized.... wow after all those hurts, scars, and bruises after all of those trials, I really made it through. 
I did it.
I survived that which was supposed to kill me.
So i straightened my crown
and walked away 
like a boss"
-Author Unknown 

To all those who have read this blog and supported me, whether silently,  or through comments and emails, my soul thanks you. Thank you. Wish me luck as i step from one journey unto the next. 

P.S. Please be prepared for me to complain about intern year just as much as i complained about med school. While everything has changed, nothing has changed. 

Monday, June 22, 2015

Fear Catch Me

Talking to my mom right now after talking to my sister who is an RN/FNP. I'm still going through residency orientation and today we were given a tour of one of the hospitals, i only saw ONE other black person in the entire hospital. Talk about pressure, i feel like i'm representing the whole black race. I don't want to be the dumb black intern, too much stuff going through my head right now. My co-residents all have the same fears i do, but i just feel like my solitary blackness is adding more pressure on me. 

I'm stressed out! 

Monday, June 15, 2015


Seems surreal, I'm not ready. Still the only black person in the program amongst faculty and staff but one of my co-residents is Indian (born and raised here) so I'm technically not the only minority. However from my med school experience, I know it's not really a big deal and because we are all humans, you soon forget that you are the only black person around especially if you are around decent people who don't treat you any different. Although, it was funny to hear the ACLS instructor refer to black people as Afro-Americans. Talking about patient population, she mentioned that prior to 5 years ago there were barely any "Afro-Americans" in the city but that is slowly starting to change. The change is slow indeed. First couple of days I went out I only saw one black person. It made me feel self conscious, but I've seen more black people since then and I've already stopped thinking about it.

We are traveling to a different city for two days tomorrow evening for a certification course. Then Friday we all go canoeing. I was the first to shout that I can't swim, although I heard about this outing during interviews. They promised rust I will be fine and would most likely not die by drowning that day.

I'm not ready for this Residency shite! I saw my schedule today. Thankfully, I'm not starting on nights like a couple of the R1s. I still feel like running away though.

Friday, June 5, 2015

Thank You

Hey guys,

Thank you very much for your congratulatory messages/comments. I apologize for not responding prior to now. We have already established that I need Jesus. I just moved to a different city, I'm still unpacking and settling in. I think there might be a ghost in my apartment, probably eating the food I just dished out. At least that's what it sounds like. I ran out to investigate just now, but nothing. Well, the apartment is big enough for two but since I'm the only one paying the rent, I will thank it not to scare me.

I love my new apartment. I intend to be happy here. I can't believe I'm actually an MD. Can I just retire now?

Saturday, May 23, 2015


Hi Everyone,

So I graduated. Yay! My family was there in full force. My favorite part of the commencement ceremony was after we took the hippocratic oath, we each had to go stage to collect out diplomas. That's the first time we were addressed as Dr. XYZ. As my name was called my family screamed and cheered and i just loved it! That was hands down my favorite moment. I'm happy!

Moving in a couple of weeks. Already have a nice apartment picked out in a awesome location. Booked a moving company, i pack, they do all the lifting. Trying to get back to my regular routine before graduation. My whole family came like a hurricane, it was great but now i have to get back to real life.

I don't know if i want to keep blogging. What else is there to talk about? I  might be at the end of the road.

Thursday, April 30, 2015

What i Like

1200 thread count sheets
Mink Blankets
Pretty things


Beautiful people
Women with spunk
Old people
Cute babies
Toy dogs
(hold the chihuahua)
Strangers who care
Kind people


The sound of rain
Cool fall breeze that reminds me of Nigeria
My Naija
Small towns
Good neighbors


Intelligent people
Historical Romance
Rappers who can play with words
M.I Abaga

Good Music

Boiled green plantains and stew
When my apartment smells like food
Clean and tidy living space
No dirty dishes in the sink

Belly laughs

Izz and Ives
Our love
My smile
(those teeth)
Our cheeks
Maama's Love
 Maama's cooking

Strong African women



Bright lights
Watching movies with the siblings
Baking with the nieces
Cooking with maama
Making chin-chin with sis
Making fun of brother from the same mother
Saying Sist instead of sis
Speaking pidgin english


What do you like? Please share

Saturday, April 11, 2015

It tried to murder me

Let's pretend i didn't promise to be a better blogger, respond to comments and create a blog list. Erase that from your memories because this blogging delinquency seems like it's going to be a chronic, unrelenting condition.

Do I have what to blog about? Yes, tons actually.

 Like how my bedroom ceiling collapsed at 11.01 pm last week Monday and I could have been seriously hurt or killed if i had not discovered Unbreakable: Kimmy Schmidt that night and stayed up late to watch it. It wasn't even that great of a show.Thank you, God of Netflix. I had a headache earlier that evening and instead of taking Tylenol, i intended to take a sleep aid just so i could sleep properly. Thankfully, i got side tracked by the show and never took any medication because i might have ended up having a seamless transition to the afterlife. God abeg o! I'm not ready. I am so thankful at how things turned out even with all the resulting inconvenience. The assistant manager who helped me out that night was amazed at how calm I was. I think i was in shock. From the initial ceiling crack to complete collapse took a total of 9 mins. I debated for a few seconds but I ran back in the room to get my computer and ipad off my bed. I just did a clean swipe of everything on my bed using my blanket but the computer charger decided to get caught underneath the bed frame, come and see yanking in fear. It was like a movie.

How I have been second guessing my rank order list and by default where i matched for residency. What was i thinking, Lord Jesus!!! I just have to accept that i made the right decision and i'm going where i will be happy for the next three years. Fingers crossed!

How I had one random anxiety attack triggered by the thought of having to leave my therapist and i called his voice mail and left a message crying and hyperventilating about it on a weekend. I got an "emergency appointment" the next day. This is me who goes in at least once every two months and straight up tells him I think i'm wasting my time by coming to see him because he's not helping. I'm like, i want a quick fix, i want it fixed now.  LOL.... I think i amuse him and I can tell he is fond of me. We have talked about me wanting to write a book in the past and i said that i don't count blogging as writing because i'm just talking (but in writing) and he told me that if i write the way i talk, it would be a good book. I asked him why he said that, and he said I say what i think exactly how i'm thinking it and it was very uncommon and refreshing. I took that as a compliment. Anyway, I think i'm struggling with change and fear of the unknown.

How i'm not ready for this doctoring thing and found it quite alarming when someone called me Dr. XYZ and seeing the M.D behind my name is just surreal for lack of a better word.

How i think my mother tricked me all these years into thinking she was this cool unafrican African mom who didn't care about me getting married but now she has flashed her true colors since i matched.
"Ok, mommy I will call you at 6pm so we can pray. What's my prayer point again? Thank you for fasting on my behalf, it is much appreciated."
"Oh, sorry i forgot to call you at 6 pm yesterday. Yes, i prayed. uh hum. I prayed"
Thankfully, it's just been a flash which quickly died down because i was already starting to get apprehensive about calling her. I can't be answering questions about praying and fasting everyday.
When i'm ready, i'll be signing up for

How i owe a very special blog friend a belated birthday post. But thanks to this slacking disease that i have been afflicted by plus being semi homeless for over a week plus one or two things, I never put up the birthday post and even forgot to wish him a happy birthday on his actual birthday. My dear, God has forgiven me, so please forgive me too.

 Anyway, since my apartment was trying to murder me and left me slightly traumatized, I decided to run home to my people, regroup, decompress, and forget about the mountain of paperwork for residency that is time sensitive (at least until Monday). Shey they said life is too short, they weren't playing.

P.S. So there's this thing called renter's insurance and i was supposed to have it. M'kay!

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

On Blogging

Hello friends, lovers and strangers!!!

Last year was not great for blogging and i think i'm still slacking this year. I actually have lost my blogging mojo but i'm going to start working to get it back. By fire, by force i must continue to blog.
I can't believe i am finally done with med school. People who have been reading for a while know when i started. It's all in my blog archives, feel free to dig through. I had multiple hiccups along the way, health issues, academic issues but i made it. I made it!!! It's slowly sinking in.

On match day, after my name was called, i went up to the podium and collected my envelope (my school doesn't make you read it aloud), i opened it and saw i matched in my first choice, I was just like oh! okay. No excitement,nothing. I ranked 20 programs in all and my first choice was always my first choice. Towards the deadline, i was wondering if i should make my second choice number one, but i didn't. I changed my rank order list at least 10 times, but i never changed my first choice. So you would think i would be excited, but it was just blah.

Then i started calling family and friends and they were all screaming excited, that's when i started becoming a bit excited. I've always suffered from delayed reaction. LOL. People always assume American medical graduates have it easy in terms of matching into residency, but things are changing. A good number of people did not match in my school this year. I think it's the highest number ever. The number of medical graduates are increasing, but residency spots are still the same. It's tough but i'll admit it's still tougher for foreign grads, although one of my friends who went to med school in naija matched into Emory for surgery this year. Whether people want to hear this or not, knowing people in a program helps. I thought that only existed in naija but that's not true.

I've decided to turn over a new blog leaf. I'm going to do my best to respond to comments and i promised a blog reader not to swear any more on my (i think it's getting better). I'm also going to work on my blog list that way i can start reading blogs again. If you have a blog you want me to add to my list, leave a comment, otherwise, i will start blog hopping and adding blogs.

I'm enjoying this free time, my brain is still in fight or flight mode, so i'm trying hard to relax. Within the last week, I caught up on Downton Abbey, started and finished Being Mary Jane and House of Cards. House of Cards??!!!! OMG, that evil Francis. I'm about to start Empire. I'm still on season one of Scandal, i'll watch that next. I'm enjoying my painting class. I was supposed to take Drawing II, but it was cancelled last minute, so i was bumped up to Painting I, even though Drawing I and II are prerequisites for Painting I. Painting requires a lot more patience than drawing. It frustrates me, but it's a good escape.

After everything is said and done, i'll gist you guys about my last rotation. Enjoy the rest of the week, people.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Match Day

Hello friends, lovers and strangers!!! 
I matched into my first choice for residency
Everyone else is more excited than me
It's slowly sinking in
My program is in this gorgeous little city
I fell in love when i went there to interview
I'm looking forward to living there.
I'm the only melanin-rich resident in the entire program
I'm used to the minority thing
thanks to med school. 

Come July 1st
someone is actually going to expect me to be a Doctor?! 
It's too soon for me to be freaking out about it 
so i'm still chilling
So for now, if someone passes out and they say 
"is there a doctor around?"
I will be looking around just like everyone else. 

I'm working on losing weight for that yet to be bought graduation dress.
I actually have to buy two dresses. 
We have a hooding ceremony and a commencement ceremony
Thou shalt not be fat in graduation pictures
15th Commandment
14lbs down, many more to go! 
We celebrated at an Indian restaurant yesterday 
where all thoughts of a diet were temporarily forgotten,
As i downed two sweet mango Lassis 
and scarfed multiple chicken naan with chicken tikka masala

I'll worry about really learning how to read EKGs
sometime in the future
before July 1st

Monday, March 2, 2015

See sickness!

What's worse than having free time, 
zero responsibilities
being unable to relax?

This is what the elders would call
home problem. 
I tire for myself. 
Match day apprehension is not helping matters

Can anyone recommend naija movies? 
I like movies set in the village that are funny
No aki and pawpaw things
It would be highly appreciated

I have so much things i could be doing with my free time
but no peace of mind to do it. 
The whole last day of med school things
was pretty anticlimactic
as expected

I don't know what i'm doing with my life
to be honest
i remain thankful.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Men preferring light skinned women over dark skin

Toke Makinwa needs to come and give this one lessons on how to make vlogs that make sense. This is a perfect example of good packaging but nothing upstairs. Serious intellectual deficiency is worrying this one. I don't know where bellanaija found him from, but him and his opinion are a big NO as far as i'm concerned. Just spewing garbage, can't even articulate his point. Jesus be some sense let me wack him on the head with it. Yes, don't bleach to please a man, but every other thing he said is OP. Which one is "men like bobi, big yansh".................smh.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015


Too much is going on. 
I'm on plastic surgery and my patience is already being tested....
by other med students on the team
Add that to the long crazy hours and 
actually having to be in the OR
I'm miserable. 
Tomorrow, i'm on an 8 hour long case......
 Looking forward to Feb 27th. 
My last day on this rotation 
my last day as a med student! 

Let's let that sink in.

What are you guys up to? 
Gist me.
Who don marry, who don born, who dey come and who dey go?
I haven't been reading blogs.
I really hope this month flies by. 
I hate surgery!

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Instagram randoms

  • Follow me on Instagram @naijascorpio.......I miss you guys. There was someone I used to interact with a lot, I can't for the life of me remember who the person was. A female blogger, I think. Who was the person who asked me where I went on vacation last year and I dM'ed you? 
  • Shines brightly, I don't miss you but u can follow me if you like. 
  • I have two more Peds ED shifts left for this month. Yay! I actually enjoyed this rotation. Sick Kids are not so bad after all. 
  • Then I'm off to Atlanta GA, Montgomery AL and Orlando FL next week. 
  • My previous post was inspired by one of my secondary school best friends who recently got married and is now "very worried" about my single status because she wants me to be happy. 
  • She is one of the less than handful of people who can get away with that sort of conversation  You only get one chance to do that with me and she has used hers. I tolerated the conversation very well because I know her well enough to know she was coming from a good place. 
  • But the repetitive "is it you?" Would have gotten someone else killed. 
  • After she had finished, she started telling me not to worry. Dude, I wasn't worried, you started the conversation. People like this are the ones who can start to make someone worried. 
  • Abeg, auntie free me o!
  • I couldn't resist pointing out the fact that she was talking as if I could just go to the market and purchase a husband.
  • When she suggested that I go to church to find "that kind of man", that's where my patience ran out. I did not hesitate to tell her not to go there. 
  • She knows me well enough to back off and say, okay let's forget that side. Lol...I'm such a heathen. 
  • I really do not want a churchy religious man. I wouldn't be able to stand it. 
  • I am not wallowing in sin and debauchery. I live a very tame life. I just can't stand religion. 
  • I was recently asked when updating my insurance info what my religion was and for the first time I said "nothing". I have been feeling uncomfortable whenever I say I'm a Christian in the past. So right now I am a student of the world.
  • I still wear my buddist prayer beads daily. It has become a talisman of sorts. It reminds me to practice mindfulness. 
  • Different strokes for different folks. 
  • I've become a huge fan of Mercy Johnson. She is such a GREAT actress. For the first time in my life, a Naija movie made me cry. I was shocked at myself. This was a movie I initially did not even want to watch. Mad Couple. There was a scene in part 2 that was very touching. Maybe I'm just a romantic or I was hormonal but real tears were shed by moi. 
  •  I love Mercy! She and her clingy cloths. Thankfully, she has the body for it. God blessed her sha! Lol. 
  • I'm debating whether to braid my hair but I had sworn off braids thanks to the traction alopecia it left me with but I don tire for wigs, no be only me waka come. 

Friday, January 16, 2015

Men for sale!!!!!

Single ladies, are you tired of praying and fasting? Kabashing into the night? Standing naked facing east, holding your breasts and asking the lord to bless you with your life partner?! Anointing your whole body in olive oil blessed by Father, looking like the thanksgiving turkey before it enters the oven? Rubbing honey down there and eating copious amounts of pineapple all in a bid to hook that dude?

My sisters, are you tired of asking God if you forbid a husband or smiling like a sheep and answering "very soon" when people ask you when they will come and eat your rice when all u really want to say is "go to the market and buy rice if that what is hungering you" Are you tired of dodging from that Auntie that won't let you drink water and keep cup, who has made it her life's mission to hook you up with the most ineligible bachelors the country has to offer - like the one whose garlic breath can cure cancer, or the one who's Igbomerican fone broken/fighting-with-english accent makes every conversation a nollywood experience.

Well, cry no more, your prayers have been answered! This sale is for you!

Everything must go!!!!!!!!!! 75% off all tall, short, stout, white, black, asian, brown, yellow, ugly, not so ugly, good looking, fat, fit, half man, half beast, penis possessing homosapiens. Any variety of man you desire, we carry.

Your days of  being an unpaid and undervalued housegirl all in the name of auditioning for position of wifey, is about to be over. Come and purchase your husband!  2015 is your year!!!!!! The year you will sell your own aso ebi! Don't let this pass you by.

Our people say, "Shine your eye well during the day so you don't have to strain it at night". What are you waiting for?! Put on your clothes, leave that deliverance service, the demons stopping you from getting a husband have failed already. Tell ur enemies in the village, ntohhhhh.....They did not succeed! That your neighbor that looks at you with pity like you have a terminal illness is about to be blinded with jealousy when you show up with the man of her dreams. Your family can now stop holding family meetings on your head. Your mother can stop her never ending fasting and night vigils over your "problem". You will no longer be a prayer point in her monthly church prayer meeting. You are about to be a wife!!!!!!!!!!!!

Early Bird Special included. Come 24 hours early and and you will be entered into a contest to get an additional 25% off. That's right, play your cards right and you might get one for free.

All sales as is.
Absolutely no returns or exchanges allowed. Sales are FINAL!
Limit 1 per person. Can purchase an additional 2 as back up or to dash the less fortunate sisters in spinsterhood who can't afford it. Would make a great birthday gift.

Good character, Integrity, Maturity,  Compassion, Honesty, Trustworthiness, Caring, Intellect, Loyalty, Love, Faithfulness,  Positive attitude, Self confidence, Ability to be a good father and husband, Ambition and all those other qualities on your list for an ideal man not included.

*Additional parts sold separately.

While perusing our extensive display, you break it, you pay for it. We do not guarantee performance satisfaction. Please take that up your maker.

Hurry, this is a limited time offer. Sale ends soon!

*Most parts are not available for sale as they are no longer manufactured. You will have to manage it like that.

Sale Location: I would have to ask my friend because from the questions, statements and comments she was making yesterday, she knows where they sell men. When she tells me, I will now now come back and inform you people.
Hey guys, welcome to my blog. Sit back, relax, grab a cup of coffee and enjoy!

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