Thursday, March 26, 2009

I'm done!

I've tried to fight it. I really tried but i've been done since december 2008. I don't half ass do anything, but i've been half assing this blog for a minute. I love this blog so much. I am as attached to the little fairy house on top of my page, as i am to the green and black theme color of this blog. It isn't random, it was very well thought out. I wanted something visually appealing to me. I wanted a sanctuary. So i figured that if i was going to be spending time on here, i might as well make it into something that is pretty to look at.

Contrary to what my profile might say, i didn't start blogging february 2008. I started blogging January 23rd 2007. I remember that day very clearly. The fragile thread that had been holding my shattered pieces together had just broken and i was grasping at straws.

This is my fourth blog. I deleted my first blog because my sister found it and it caused some family drama cos of something i wrote plus i suspected Miss California over there was reading it. The 2nd and 3rd i deleted solely because of Miss California, yet she chased me until she found me here. Hmmm....! My first blog name was Bubbles. I identify more with that name that i ever will to Sting. I find it weird to be addressed as Sting (in emails). I really don't identify with that name at all. I was running, and in order to run i had to change my identity, yet it didn't work. She still hunted me down like a blood hound. Why couldn't she just let me have my little cyberspace to myself. Is it that hard? I am still very resentful of that, and my blood just boils whenever i check sitemeter and see that she's being here or even if it's just some random person from Los Angeles, California. I am still pissed beyond belief, you don't even know. Urghhh!!!!

When i started blogging in Jan 2007 i was hurting. I was in so much mental and emotional pain, even though i was seeing a therapist, i needed another outlet. That was my reason for blogging. I was so depressed, it was like this dark blanket was suffocating me and i couldn't shake it off. It was really tough. After i stopped seeing my therapist, blogging was there to pick up where she left off (I still miss her a lot). It was easier to blog, cos sometimes i felt like i was putting on a show for my friends. I didn't want to talk about how depressed i was everyday, so i would put on a "happy" face, then turn around and blog about how i was really feeling.

I can't do that anymore, at least not on this blog. There are so many things i have wanted to write about, everything and anything, that i haven't been able to because of Miss California and God knows who else she directed here. This place is no longer my own and it hasn't been for a long while. It's almost like i'm anonymous, but i'm not at the same time. That's a load of crap.

I have to look for impersonal things to talk about when there are stuff that i really want to talk about but can't. I don't want to do this anymore. At this point i am not sure what the next step is. I have a couple of blog ideas and i might chose to go in that direction. I'm really excited about getting into med school (the excitement increases everyday), and i might want to start a blog about my experiences. I'm sure it's going to involve some crazy stuff. I seem to have a special gift of embarrassing myself wherever i go. I think it's going to be interesting living in a predominantly white state. I had the funniest experience last weekend that illustrates how sheltered i have been (you really don't want to know). So i might start a new blog when i start med school and move 13hrs away. Fun times, i hope.

I'm not sure what i want to do yet. I might or might not continue to post on here. I don't know, but what i do know is that this Nigerian Scorpio is no longer smiling.


  1. Not sure wat exactly to say. But only u can make u smile. So look past the issues and think on the happy sturvs!

    but if u do decide to start a new blog, lets know aight!

    giving u a virtual hug here...!

  2. Awwwww, that sucks. But you gotta do what you gotta do I guess. *sigh*

  3. Guess you'll do what you have to do to stay sane, Miss California or not.... Keep your head up aight?

  4. Gosh I'm so sorry. Do you know for certain it's Miss California and not someone in Cali who is a lurker (loves reading your blog yet doesn't comment)? I guess the bottom line is you don't feel free to express yourself and I'm sorry for that.

    I do hope you keep us updated somehow; a blog about your adventures in med school would be great. Why not start a locked/private blog for the things you don't want your stalker to see? That way you can pick your audience.

  5. do what you have to do

    hold on
    take a break
    go to wordpress or something
    but yeah
    don't stop expressing

  6. oh no' dearie not u too *sigh*
    but wait o, dis mizcalifonia chop inch??? haba!

  7. my dear, I don't know the story with Miss California, but you can't let a non-entity dictate how you live your life. 'cause you're not ignoring her, she's only going to get persistent with whatever she's doing to frustrate you.
    maybe you have to filter what you post for a while, but when she sees that you're not disappearing again cos she's come, she'll fade away.

  8. ((((hugs))))

    to think that I was the only one that had a type of Ms California in ma life....

    just do blog knowing my ex is watchin and I dont care less...

  9. GNG: I'm positive she reads this blog, she admitted that much to me. I know she's not the only one who comes on here from Cali but based on the way things went down between us, wrong or right, i feel my space has been violated by her and it's just not the same.

    I know i'm not going to stop blogging, but this blog can't go on as is.

  10. Will miss u…but be happy and gd luck at med skl…am sure u will make the fam proud

  11. I still can't understand why people want to make you feel bad about what you feel.

    Whatever you decide all the best. Keep us posted about the new blog.

    I think Miss California should back off and get a life!

  12. * Sigh...

    What is with these people anyways? I just hate it when people do stuff to make another person sad, intentionally.

    Miss Cali, whoever u are, if you are reading this, I want to let you know that u are asshole.

  13. Ms. Californa, e no go better o! Wetin dey worry you?

    My dear Sting, you do what you do. Even if it means that you have to go private to avoid these prying eyes. We understand...

  14. Hey i'm not happy that this Nigerian scorpio is no longer smiling. I'm going to miss u. Was going to tell you to stay, but do what u must. At least blogging did help with in the beggining

    Good luck with med school, and the days when assigments and seminars and tests would have u tearing your hair out.

    Try keep in touch somehow though, send me an email or sumthing.


  15. awww dear, i feel so sad........ i know how it feels to have ur privacy violated.... hugs dear, u do whatever makes u happy......xx

  16. Sting darling, althoug I feel for what you are going through, I am trying to understand why it does matter so much that Miss California reads your blog or not?

    This is your life, your thoughts and your vision of things. You own those things and no matter what she says/does or doesn't do, they are still your own.

    You shouldn't let somebody (make that ANYBODY) hold that much power over you... You're the only one in control and you should remember that.

    I hope you can find a better outlet to let your angst go... Reason I haven't replied to your last posts is because I sensed that you were being very superficial while a lot of things were/are bothering you.

    It's ok to be a mess, hon, we ALL are. I am the world's biggest miniature disaster and I learn to be ok with that. Other people should too.

    Take care, darling and please let us know if you're ok.

  17. Aww sorry to hear you can't continue as is. I think this is my first comment on your blog.

    Well, do what you need to do to get to a place where you can once again express yourself freely.

    Keeps your head up!!

  18. That sucks.Ndo oh Some of us have followed your blog for a long long time. sucks to see you go

  19. I may be wrong but do you really give a damn about this person and what she might do? Can't you call her bluff and keep on being you?

    You are tougher than that my dear. Call thier bluff if you have too

  20. BTW I need to talk to you ASAP ps send me an email at plssssssssssss

  21. *sighs*

    i can just imagine how u feel..

    do whatever will bring back the nigerian scorpio's smile, ok?


  22. I just wanted to echo Buttercup's comment above...what really matters is your happiness. Your life should not be about Ms. California.

  23. Thanks for ur comment on my blog, Sting. I hope you change ur mind about going private.

  24. I wish you could just have your own lil space, where you could wite about you and not get bugged by Ms C.

    I know you'll do good in med school.

    Whatever you do, keep smiling.

  25. I'm sorry to hear that you're sad. I'm upset that Mz. Cali has decided to keep bugging you.

    I know you gotta do what you have to, but I hope you continue blogging coz I'd love to hear about your med school experiences. All the best with med school hun!

    I have your e-mail, so I guess I'll use that to keep in touch.

    **HUGE HUGS** Keep your head up and don't let anybody take away you smile k?

  26. ...and another scorpio to the rescue. Bring your ears and i shall whisper to you what needs to be done.


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