Saturday, June 23, 2012

Death is so rude!


It took me 9 years to cry but i finally did today.
 For the last few days i just haven't been able to get the thought of you out of my head. 
I sent a message to E. your baby brother a couple of days ago and told him i was thinking about you. 
You were the big brother i never had. 
At the time when i needed to build my self esteem, you gave me a leg up. 
You were the first person to tell me to stop frowning all the time because i was pretty when i smiled. 
You were the first and only person to ever call me princess. 
I remember when you used to come pick me up from school when my mom was busy. 
The holiday after SS1 you started teaching me how to drive. 

I remember you being shocked that at SS1 i didn't have a basic understanding of fractions and you taught me how to do them
I was a stubborn teenager and you had a temper to match mine. I
 would get mad about something and be fuming, and you would be mad right along with me.
 Driving like a maniac and having me scared for my life.
 I remember coming out the car one time and slamming the door so hard and you told your sister i was crude.
 It's funny now to think of but it also makes me very sad. 

You left this world at the peak of your life. 
Right when you were about to get married. 
I can't even begin to imagine your mother's pain when she landed in Nigeria for your wedding, and instead of a celebration, she had to plan a funeral. 
I told E today that i miss you.
It's true, i really do. 
He referred to my brother by a certain nickname, and it was the nickname you gave him. 
It's just so sad. 

You were such a force, like a lion. 
Everyone felt your presence and we feel your absence even more. 
The world should have stopped when you died, even for a second but it didn't. 
I didn't even find out on time and i found out in such a horrible way. 
I was already in America, so it was easy to ignore, to pretend, to go on as if nothing happened. 
But there are times like this, when i can't escape it. 
You were such a positive influence in my formative years. 
In spite of everything that has happened to me, my self esteem never wavers
 and i remain confident in who i am and you had a hand in that.
 You really were the big brother i never had and i wish you were still around so i can thank you. 

Death is so rude.
It just takes who it wants, when it wants with no thought of the people left behind.
I heard your fiancee never married again
They say to live in the hearts of those who love you, is to not die
So you still live on. 
I just want to say thank you and i will never forget you.
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