Monday, July 23, 2012

The Devil is trying to use me

This is the second night in a row, i am experiencing what i call "stress insomnia". I only ever feel like this AFTER an exam. I'm usually too stressed to sleep and end up being awake all night. It's really frustrating to be exhausted with a head that feels like iron fluff :) and not be able to sleep. I finally fell asleep at about 3am yesterday and Dr. Sushi woke me up with a muffin at about 8am. I was scared when i heard the knock on my door that early, but i enjoyed the muffin and ended up having it for breakfast and lunch cos i split it in half and saved the rest. My stomach doesn't seem to be accepting large amounts of food anymore, which is a good thing, but i never was too much of an eater to begin with.

My countdown clock says i have 1day, 7hrs, 55 minutes, 40secs to my exam. I remember when it had over a 100 days. I am SOOOOO ready to be done with this exam but at the same time i don't feel ready. I don't think i will ever feel ready. The worst thing is i now feel like my brain is empty and i know nothing. It's taking a lot for me not to freak out. I wanted to finish reviewing First Aid one more time, but there no possible way it's going to happen. Everyone says don't study a day before your exam and i don't plan to but i want to go over notes i took while doing uworld and the flashcards Bumight sent me, then maybe the rapid review at the end of FA. To think i have to go through this again next year for Step 2 is blowing my mind, like how did i not see this. What was i thinking when i decided to go to med school? Ok, i need to leave that train of thought cos i know perfectly well what i was thinking.

I really just want to sleep but i understand why i can't sleep. Since i never deal with this with any regularity, i've never found a way to deal with it. I just hope to God this doesn't happen tomorrow night because i would be screwed. I need to be as rested as possible. Funny how the whole time i've been on vacation from school, i have been sleeping awesome at night. I get a minimum of 6 hours every freaking night, which is great cos i usually average 4hours a night when school is in session. Now 2 days before my exam, i develop insomnia. This is the hand of lucifer right there. You see it, i see it!

Anyhoo, i plan to go get snacks for my exam tomorrow. I'm really worried about lasting through 8 hours without any stimulant plus dealing with my health issue (pain related) which gets worse when i'm stressed. I'm majorly worried about that. Can't do much about it except pray i have a good day with regards to that. I'm still taking suggestions as to what snacks to get. My friend said something that has a lot of sugar, i'm worried about crashing and besides i'm not a snacker so i have no clue what to get.

The exam is 8 hours long with 7 one hour blocks of 46 questions and an hour of break time. Well, 45 mins of break time, but u get an extra 15 mins if you skip the tutorial in the beginning which i plan to do. My game plan is to do block 1 and 2, 10 min break, block 3 and 4, lunch break (20-25mins), block 5, 10 mins break, block 6, 15 min break and block 7, HOME! That's the general plan, but it really will depend on how i am feeling.

I don't know why i am so scared of this exam. Maybe because it pretty much determines your future career path (or so everyone likes to say). If u want to be an orthopedic surgeon and get a low score, you might as well forget it. I don't want to be an orthopedic surgeon, i don't know what i want to be, which makes it worse cos i feel like i need to have a good score so i would have all my options open to me. The pressure is just too much. I've done my best sha. Good or bad, i did the best i could and i physically can't take it anymore. I would go crazy if i have to keep studying for this exam. In fact, i stopped studying at 6pm today cos i felt like my head was about to explode and went to scrub my kitchen floor, hands and knees scrubbing, naija style. Stuff like that helps me relax. I'm weird, i know.

Med school is just torturing me. I sincerely hope it gets better. On the flip side, i have something to look forward to on Wednesday. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited and happy for it.

Wish me luck cos i need it. I need a miracle. I need a body double, in fact I need Jesus!


  1. This exam sounds like a total nightmare. I'm sure you'll be so relieved when it's over. Try and relax for a few hours then go back to studying and alternate it so you don't get burned out.

    Thumbs up and fingers crossed! You can do it! We're all rooting for you!!

  2. Pele Dear. Godspeed on the exams.

  3. eeya, pele o, don't worry you'll ace it!

  4. Sweerie...that's how ace students sound..they ramble about empty heads before an exam and BOOM results come out and its 98th percentile..success is yours..

    memories of when i prepped for my first boards too...
    just ask for ice-cold water during your break and you will feel refreshed for the next blocks..

    success is yours..
    hugs from miles away..from a Doki to another..

  5. All the very bestest Sting! I hope you smash it to pices. Fingers crossed!

  6. When I saw the title of this post on my blogger home page, I just burst out laughing....only you can come up with such.

    Snickers - chocolate could get this too.

    You have Jesus already me love...He will def see you through.

    For the insomnia, have you tried turning off all the lights and all sounds...just you in the dark with your thoughts and some breeze...that your winchy fan that does not blow well can might help.

    Hess Hess better NOT be tired at this point. the money i'm spending on your school fees to make you the best native doctor in the world cannot waste so buckle up my dear or scrub your neighbour's floors too hehehehe *Evil me*

  7. I"m sure u"ll do just fine, it would be crazy if u didnt worry about the test. goodluck

  8. Lucifer don suffer sha..... here's wishing you good luck/ Godspeed.

  9. My dear. You are trying. I bet u'd ace those exams. You will do well.

  10. best of luck! i'm keeping my fingers, toes and eyebrows crossed just for you...yeah, the whole day. you'll be fine.


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