Thursday, April 28, 2011

Nemesis - Part 1

 Ok people, come closer, sit down and relax cos i have gist for you guys. Get comfortable, but not too comfortable cos i need you to be able to skidaddle when this gist is over.

So, back in the day a friend of mine told me that her boss was asking her out. I advised her to turn him down but she didn't listen and succumbed to him because he had the looks and the money. I was kinda  disappointed in her and our friendship eventually fizzled out as these things tend to happen. She had refused to get into any relationship while in school and eventually gave up her virginity when she was in her mid-20's. Of course she got her heart broken and decided to stay away  from men even when we advised her to give love another chance. I don't think we had dating her boss in mind when we advised her to date other guys.

Anyhoodle, I found out 2 years later that she was still having an affair with her boss and didn't mind being his life-long mistress. He had even introduced her to some members of his family but she hid it from her own family because she knew they wouldn't approve of it.

Some years into the relationship, the man decided he wanted a child from her because his wife could not have anymore kids after their first one. This chic agreed on the condition he divorces his wife. I was livid, as were her parents who were furious when she told them. She got pregnant and then the man sent his people to appeal to her family who reluctantly agreed to the marriage. Meanwhile, his first wife refused to grant him a divorce and was determined to fight for her marriage, but the man moved out of his matrimonial home into another apartment with his mistress who was happy to be the new Mrs XXX!

She had her baby few months ago and that's when her troubles started! She had no clue that her sister-in-law didn't like her: When her sister-in-law came to visit one day, she saw her give money to somebody to buy some stuff from Dubai. Her sister-in-law then told her brother that she was extravagant. The guy now decided to stop giving her money and started asking her to account for any money he gave her. She started having trouble feeding and of course this led to quarrels, hateful words were exchanged and all that craziness in the marriage. She could not believe this was the same man she had been having an affair with for 8years! I guess the honeymoon was over. She eventually moved out of his house back to her parents home when her baby was barely 6 months old because of how badly he was treating her. Of course, there's a lot of details that were left out of this story, but trust me when i say it was bad.

So what's the point of this story? I would like this to serve as a warning to other women who think they can eat their cake and have it! As the saying goes, the cane used to beat the first wife is always hung on the door to be used on the new wife! You are not special. Women who think that they can build their happiness on the foundation of another woman's unhappiness should know that NEMESIS would always come knocking!

Wait! There's more. Stay tuned for Nemesis Part 2. (A different but similar story). Na naija movie be this o.


  1. Type the whole thing jo! Why will i be reading in bits! Mscheeeew.

    Oya, I am waiting

  2. This story done finish o. Part 2 is another story.

  3. i swear, karma is a bitch lol. I dnt see why any snesible female wld want to have kids with, and marry a man that is already married.
    Ofcourse if he treated his wife shabbily, he'll do same 2 u. Like u pointed out..she shouldnt have felt she was special.
    i dnt feel sorry for her sha.. she got what she deserved.

  4. Chei...see this kain life. 8 years as a MISTRESS??? and then 6months after she gives him a child see wahala. In fact i don't have words.

  5. Iyami ooo.... Chaiii!! this is uber interesting, Karma is such a sweet avenger, it will eventually catch up with you no matter what.

    please hen.. I want to copy and paste this story on my blog. I need some of my "Friends" to read it.

    CHAI...This is how every story in life should go,when you destroy someone elses happiness, yours goes out the window sooner or later.
    Thanks for sharing!!

  6. Sting! Sting! Sting!

    How many times did I call you?

    Judgy-Judgy! Polygamy and concubines are part of our culture o!

    The only thing I do not agree with is that she asked him to divorce his wife.

    She should have asked him to marry her as his second wife. End of story. Or she should have asked him to sign a document designating her as his official concubine with inheritance rights for her children and herself and had it signed and witnessed by a lawyer or a judge.

    Na wa o Sting!


  7. @Sugabelly: When did u start using Hausa exclamations? What is wa?
    Sometimes i wonder if you are willing to practice what you preach.

    You talk as if everything that's part of the culture is right and should be accepted. Female circumcision is part of the culture too isn't it? Why are people fighting against it now?

    I'll say this again, how much of what you preach are you willing to practice?

  8. Some women are so amazingly stupid! How can you be the other woman for 8 years? How can you be the other woman at all? I have no sympathy for her- she is on her own hissssssss


  9. You sha have a recent obsession with extra-marital affairs...I hope you gain more insight.

    Na from clap dem de take enter dance...after been mistress for so long she shouldn't have asked for him to divorce his wife...yam wey go burn go burn sha...

    Waiting in earnest for the next installment.

  10. @Tega: Recent obsession? How do you know it's a recent obsession? Since when did you start residing in my mind? I have an obsession with neuro, phys and ctb,thank you very much.

    As for extra-marital affairs, it's something i'm choosing to talk about at the moment but definitely not an obsession. Nowhere close, my dear. No be today yansh dey for back. It is what it is. Not going to change that with anything i have to say. However, i am free to state my opinion about it. About the men who cheat on their wives and about the women who are knowing accomplices. Just dirty!

    Oh! I like your insight comment. I know someone who could have given me "insight" but they chose not to, so i will stick with my opinions while i wait until i find someone who is willing to enlighten me as to the whys. Until then, permit me to "ignorantly" say i'm against it and to continue to drink panadol for my mother's headache.

  11. Thank you for highlighting this story. Unfortunately a lot of young girls are so eager for an easy life that they are willing to displace other women and build on a foundation that is not theirs.

    Quite a lot of first wives suffered with their husband to build comfortable homes - only for the stupid man to betray them.

    To each his own, but like Kitkat said - Karma is a bitch - What goes around comes around. Who no know go know.

    It is often the case that the first wife is very prudent - because she knows how rocky the road to success was. Unfortunately, the younger wife is often better at spending the money.

    PS - Yes, polygamy is part of our culture, but its legacy is bad. I am yet to see a polygamous home where all live in harmony. More often than not, the children suffer - from lack of unity & distrust.

  12. In her mind, she will think it is her sister-in-law that caused the wahala, but truthfully, it is the prayers of the first wife that refuse to give up her marriage.
    when some people decide to reap what another person has sown, they should be ready for anything. No matter how bad a marriage gets, God will still respect the prayers made on behalf of that marriage.

  13. hmmm... I guess she didnt see anything wrong with what she did.

    Like Sugarbelly said...Nigeria is a polygamous place. Now if a human being has no religious scruples or traditional scruples or personal scruples for sleeping with another woman's husband...then there is nothing anyone can do about it. becos really who draws the line between right or wrong?

    Its our beliefs that make us who we are...if she believes she is right,, then so she is. We can only stand on the sidelines and offer our disapproval or approval.

    Female circumcision on the other hand is as a result of ignorance. Now that we are civilized, we see the disadvantages in it and fight against it. Only ignorant parents still do it...and really the child doesnt have a say. What say did you have when you were 1 yr old?

    Sleeping with another woman's man on the other hand, can be argued to be CIVILIZATION...the IN THING, the TREND.

    Talk to the men instead...they made the vows, they should keep it.

  14. @Sting: But I have said before that even though polygamy is part of our culture and people have the right to practice it, it should only be done when ALL parties involved agree to it and are happy.

    No be so?

    Did I tell you that I wanted to be in a polygamous marriage? No.

    But I respect the right of those who WANT to be in a polygamous marriage to do so.

    Further more. Our constitution protects POLYGAMY not polyGYNY therefore Nigerian women should be free to marry as many husbands as they like also.

    The only problem is that most Nigerian women are too afraid to do it and most Nigerian men are too blockheaded and proud to do it.

    I never said that this was okay. When I said he should have married her as his second wife, I meant he should have told his wife and gotten her permission.

    And if she doesn't agree, then the marriage is over no be so?

    Obviously, it looks like that's what happened.

    And I never said that all parts of our culture were good. There are some pretty fucked up things that Nigerians do in the name of culture so I'm not supportive of everything that has the label Nigerian culture, but in this case, polygamy is not something that I personally think is particularly vile.

    I think it's not polygamy that's the problem, rather how it's practised (i.e. in a way that favours men). Polygamy should be practised in a way that allows both men and women to have multiple partners if they choose and only as long as everyone is a consenting adult and happy with their choice.

  15. THis is a sad story, which like you said, sounds so Nollywoodish. The painful part for me is the poor child involved in the drama....

    @Adiya, it's funny how you say some women are so stupid. I think self-esteem is the problem, not stupidity....:-/

  16. @Sugabelly: Thanks for clarifying cos from ur initial comment that's not the impression i got.

  17. I'm sorry to sound mean, but I don't feel sorry for her a bit, she got what she deserve. I know of someone who was in the same position too, everybody warned her she did not listen. One day the man woke up and told her she need to leave the house, took the car key from her, closed the bank account he opened for her and gave her 5000 naira for transportation money to go back to her, he went back to his wife.

  18. I really don't know how SOME women reason they certainly have FISH BRAIN or simply damn STUPID!...i totally agree with you 9jamum & @ilola.

    So right about nothing special in them unless they had help from potent jazz!

    It serves her right! DON'T PITY HER AT ALL!

    Nothing GOOD ever comes out of polygamy.I have friends who grew up in a polygamous home & dislike it with a passion!

    If he did not want another child, would he had married her? i wonder. He would probably be using her to warm his bed until he gets tired of her {THEY ALWAYS DO!} & dumps her like a sack of rotten potatoes! Like the story Nike Royals just said.

    *awaiting part 2*

    Thank you for this post sistah, it encourages married women to be more patient and prayer...xoxo.

  19. wow.... thats a very interesting story, almost plays out like a TV soap opera. but what did the girl expect. its a little thing call Karma. Ouch on her behalf, hopefully, she can brush herself off and learn a lesson or two from this incident.
    the only problem sometimes is, the heart wants what the heart wants.

  20. madness. sometimes you just wonder what...if anything goes on in the head of some women.

    on a more important side note, if she won chop jollof rice, make she call her boy boy - ee full ground!

  21. B4 nko? Na so the thing dey go na!

  22. There's this saying i like "The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour"

    It's appaling how common it is for young women to cause havoc in another womans home, then suddenly expect their own time to be rosy? How?

    Same for relationships, that's why it's always good to have some background, how did ones last relationship end? What do the exes have to say about the person? What does the person have to say about the exes, so you know just how your own will end too.

    This one is not even karma, it's just straight simple life logic.

  23. Ah...lessons to be learned in that story. No doubt*

  24. you couldnt have said it better: '..the cane used to beat the first wife is always hung on the door to be used on the new wife

    lets call a spade a spade, this isnt polygamy, and the young woman and man in question didnt set out to practice polygamy. Even when polygamy is practiced the right way, all the parties are not 100% happy/satisfied.


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