Monday, January 20, 2014

Sex - Is it a conquest or a give and take?


I am aware that a double standard exists when it comes to sex. Girls who have multiple partners are seen as sluts while guys who are the equivalent of 10 kobo prostitutes are hailed as studs. Fine. Whatever. That's not what this post is about. There's something that i have always been aware of but has become so rampant in recent times thanks to social media,  i can no longer ignore it mostly because it's starting to piss me off.

It's a certain attitude. When it's exhibited by males, i look at them as ignorant, immature boys but when females express those same sentiments i can't stand it. I have seen so many women complain of being with their boyfriends for so long, they fucked him morning and night (their words, not mine) and now he doesn't want to marry them, or females in monogamous relationships who say "to fuck na free?" (once again, their words not mine), to justify why they are materialistic in relationships. If you are not a prostitute and are in a committed, monogamous relationship, then i would say, yes, to fuck na free because it's something that both of you are getting pleasure from, or is it only men that enjoy sex? Are we still in the 16th century where women just lay there for men to jerk off on, hating every second of it? Therefore they have to be heavily compensated for allowing themselves to be subjected to such barbaric acts. A lot of Nigerian women seem to have that attitude although i bet they are not lying there like wooden planks when the deed is being done. I bet they are willing and full participants of the act but God forbid they act like they enjoyed it.

Some chic posted this, I'm going to quote word for word, so i take no responsibility for the grammatical errors. 
"I almost committed suside (suicide)!!! It's painful when someone you love, never loved you in return! I cooked, washed his boxers, he fucked me morning and night! Now i'm dumped. Life goes on sha! "

Or this joke, which i actually thought was funny.

"He has dated you for almost 5 years, wasted your time, slept with you countless times, hurt you.....He's the reason you got sagged breasts, he has made your "watever" wide.....but he has refused to Marry You....SWEETHEART....poison him.....God will understand"

Now this is what is getting me annoyed. These women are acting like when they were having sex with the men, it was a one sided thing. I thought sex was a "participant sport" where two people  (or three or four depending on what rocks your boat) equally get something out of the interaction. Unless it's rape, if he is fucking you, aren't you fucking him also? Have I been in America too long and i can no longer see this clearly?! Someone help me out here.

If your vagina was so precious to you, why are you giving it out so freely? When he's fucking you morning and night like you are complaining, so he's the only one getting pleasure out of it? I just want to understand this mind set that a lot of Nigerian women seem to have. Or are you some sort of undercover prostitute where instead of selling your body for cash, you are prostituting yourself for the promise of marriage or the material things you can get out of the relationship?

I'm not even going to waste my time addressing men who feel that after sleeping with a woman that they took something from her. Just as you "took" from her, she took from you too. Both of you equally smashed each other. Yes, society might support the stupid notion of the male conquest, but the reality of it remains that when you stick your penis into that vagina, it becomes a 50:50 thing. Two, my friends has become one, unless you are raping her, then you can call it a "conquest" because it was against her will.

The whole attitude of men feeling like they took or conquered something when they sleep with a woman, and women feeling like they are owed something for having CONSENSUAL SEX with their boyfriends, irks the hell out of me. Let's not talk about stupid people referring to women as if they are objects that become used and worn out because they were in a relationship with one guy for years or because they are sexually active. When did sex start causing people to have sagging breasts or widened vagina? IS it the same vagina that can deliver a baby and snap back? Do you think God did not know what he was doing when he designed it that way, or is the average man's penis as big as a 6lb baby? People need to get the fuck out of here with that bullshit. If your breast is sagging, it probably would have ended up sagging anyway, blame your genes for that, or simple aging.

 "Oh, so after dating her for 10 years, he doesn't want to marry her, when he has used her, free sex, she's now second hand. Who will want that one again?" So which is better, the girl who has a long term relationship with only one person for 10 years or the one who has 6-7 boyfriends in 10 years? When they said Toke and Maje broke up this last time, the comments were off the chain. Nigerians and their stupid comments drive me crazy sometimes. They are just horrible with they way they view women and sex and relationships and the women are not helping matters with their attitudes. If your body is so precious to you, like i said earlier by all means do not give it indiscriminately. You can say no to premarital sex!!! It's an option.

I don't want to be hearing all the sob stories of someone fucking and dumping you because as far as i am concerned, as much as he was fucking you, you were fucking him also.


  1. maybe i can't comment on this too much, probably because i haven't dated a nigerian girl seriously in ages.... but my view on sex is that it is shared, its not a matter of conquest, its more give and take. though i guess some nigerian girls adhere to this saying "women give sex to get love and men give love to get sex", but maybe some girls are taking that saying to literal.
    i don't think females having Sex with a man should be a guarantee for getting married, the same way i don't think men paying for dinner and taking a girl out is a guarantee that a women would sleep with you.

  2. OK! Let me co-ordinate my thoughts and come back, meanwhile *whistling if you ask me, who I go ask?*

    1. Sex to women is more intimate than it is to men and age is not on the women side either, so the women feel used when dumped, hence the sob stories, regardless if it was an enjoyable consensual sex. A 40year old bachelor can marry a 18 year old virgin, but can the same be said about a 40year old spinster?
      All the same, it got to do with the individual involved and how they handle their bodies, shikenah!

    2. You are right but people need to stop acting like victims and shine their eyes.

  3. I think the reason why such attitudes exist is that it is generally emphasized, particularly to the ladies, that sex before marriage is wrong so the girls tend to think that once they are giving it to the men outside marriage it is assumed that he will marry them. Thats why they get upset if that doesn't happen.

    But seriously when i was younger I always thought women do not enjoy sex at all. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that women do enjoy sex after all. And I began to marvel why such attitudes towards sex exist among African women. It is very refreshing to have a view like yours from an African woman.

    1. I understand that but they need to suck it up and not complain if they made that choice. Complain about his character or actions but don't act as if he owed you marriage because you slept with him. That's all I'm saying.

  4. Funny, but very well said. It should be a two-way thing.

    I think celibacy till marriage is such a sensible choice jor.


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