Wednesday, November 9, 2011


Ladies, this question is for you. (Guys you can chime in too)

Is it ever appropriate for a female to call her boyfriend/fiance's platonic friend because she overheard a conversation they were having and she didn't like the way platonic friend was talking to her man?

Just so we keep it in context, i'll give you guys the background for this question which normally i wouldn't do but i'm making an exception because i am royally pissed. A close guy friend who i've been friends with for 6 years (purely platonic friends), met this Hispanic chic last year, long story short they got engaged over the summer and will be getting married next year. This guy is like a brother to me, because not only is he best friends with one of my most favorite people in this world (which is how we became friends), he is one of the few people i am genuinely close to and can tell anything. I was even the one thinking of romantic ways he can propose to this chic.

Anyway, he went to naija and just came back on Saturday and i spoke to him and his best friend a couple of times on my birthday while he was in Naij. I'm so scared of the craziness going on in Naija right now and i knew of all his travel plans while in Naij. These two boys were basically going to be hopping from state to state. Besides the kidnappings, you also have to be concerned about accidents on those dangerous roads. So i asked them to be careful and pray before embarking on any journey. Long story short, Sat. evening, i called to make sure he was back safe. He didn't pick up. Monday evening when i realised i still hadn't heard from him, i called him again and this time he picks up, and i was like "You no see say i call you, why u no call me back?" or something along those lines. I don't exactly remember the conversation. I probably added "wetin dey worry you sef or something". He said he was busy and i said, i just wanted to make sure he got back safe. The conversation was less than a minute. I had books to read, i really just wanted to make sure he got back safe, nothing more.

Fast forward to yesterday, he calls (6 times back to back in like 20 mins) to ask me if i could ever date him, i'm like where is this coming from? Unbeknownst to me, this was for his fiancee's benefit. So i answer no, that he was like my brother and he kept insisting on why and i said because i have never looked at him that way and we've never had that kind of relationship. Then he says he has to go and i was like what kind of weird conversation is this. 30 secs barely passes before my phone rings again and this time it was his fiancee calling me with his number.

I've never spoken to her before. I was friendly with his previous ex and actually used to talk to that one, but this one, i have zero relationship with. She pissed me off last year on facebook cos she kind of mocked me on a comment i left on his page. I called him and told him the only reason i didn't cuss her out there and then was because i was respecting him. He told me, she was just protecting her territory and he understood where both of us were coming from. I left it alone and have never once commented on his facebook page since that incident. Besides, i knew that she had serious jealousy issues from what he had told me.

So, I'm sitting there trying to figure out what the hell is going on, as this chic is pretty much scolding me and asking me why would i be yelling at her fiance for not notifying me about his return to the country (apparently she had overheard the conversation i had with him), that don't i know he is engaged. That she feels disrespected, so i said let me get this straight, obviously, the previous conversation was for your benefit, so is it that you were upset and you are no longer upset or are you still upset? She said she was still upset and i asked her why, she said she feel disrespected because i was speaking to her fiance that way. I asked her if i was speaking to her and she says no, but she feels disrespected because that's her fiance. This, my friends is when i go from 0 to 10 in 2 secs. Anyone who knows me, knows i have a temper and i have a very low tolerance for bullshit. When i get angry, i get angry, there's no slow buildup, no middle ground and i get vocal. I cut her off and try to clarify exactly why she's speaking to me, which is what i was asking her initially when she started talking before i got irritated. I end up telling her, i have no business with her and she can go to hell and that i will to speak to my friend. I hang up, he calls me back, i refer to her as a little bitch, and he tries to pull the "don't call my fiancee a bitch crap" which infuriated me more so I call her a bitch multiple times and called him a pussy simultaneously as well. So for everytime she got called a bitch, i called him a pussy for good measure. Of course it gets a little messier, but i will spare you guys more details.

I have never been more pissed in my life because i was so blindsided by this mess. Chic starts texting me and i tell her, she has no business talking to me. I never yelled at her boyfriend. I remember talking to my siblings in pidgin and people thinking we were fighting because of our tone. She's not Nigerian, so i guess that's why she thought i was yelling at her man. Even then, i think she overstepped her boundaries big time by calling me and SCOLDING me about it, while my stupid, pussy whipped friend, stood by and let her. I had to ask him if he forgot who i was and how did he think i would stand there and let some chic talk to me any kind of way. He must have forgotten, cos i'm not the one. Never have, never will be.

So back to my question, i'm not even going to bother asking if i was wrong, because i know that there's no way in hell, i was wrong. I feel like this is a classic case of "trouble dey sleep, yanga go wake am".

Is it ever appropriate for a female to contact another female over her guy for whatever reason? 

*Dude was lucky he was nowhere close to where i was yesterday cos i would have wrung his neck and i told him as much, in exactly those words. What nonsense. 
**I might end up taking this post down, but i am still so pissed, i needed to vent.

Principalities and powers. Evil forces of distraction. God will punish all of you.


  1. LOL at principalities..Sting you sting like a bee abi scorpion ni...

    Oya, the girl was wrong but you are aware she is the jealous type, so such things was bound to happen..

    As for your friend, I will he was tryna protect his fiance even if it wasnt in anyone's best interest..He could have been more matured about it by talking to the girl

    Thing is, you know the guy very well, so take it easy and let him know you didnt appreciate all the mess and let him be till he comes around..
    Please calm down, you need a clear head for those med school books..Hugs

  2. i read ur blog every now and again, and boy was i mad for you even not knowing the girl. she definitely crossed the line by calling you and you were in order acting like that. but on the flip side the dude is ur very good friend who u care about.. instead of escalating the arguement and for his sake you could have explained to her the pidgin english tone. hope you don't lose ur friend over some cough bitch (u said it) she not worth u losing him as a friend

  3. Hummm... The answer to your question is NO, the chick had no business calling you, if her man had a problem with you, and he should have called you himself.

    That being said "clears throat", I think you might have gone a little too far calling her names and stuff, her fiancé is definitely on the right protecting her. I think if your friendship with him is as important as you said, you should re-think your stance (for the sake of peace sha). ;D

  4. @Unveinggold: Thanks i need the hug. I don't know why i'm still so pissed. My anger never lasts this long.

    @bkgirl: When i'm mad, i'm mad. I don't think i should have to explain anything to her when she's calling me to tell me SHE feel disrespected. WTF?

    I love my friend, but not enough to take crap from his silly girlfriend. He owed it to me to at least warn me of what was going on. Maybe if i had initially warning, i would have been able to react in a calmer way.

    We'll still be friends. Everyone just needs space to go and breath.

  5. @9jafoodie: Like i asked her, how many people is she going to be calling to tell them she doesn't like this or that. I'm too mad to be thinking about peace at this point.

    He can protect her all he wants but not at my expense. He shouldn't have let her do what she did because he was right there. If he had manned up then he wouldn't have to protect her.

  6. Lmao!!!! im sorry i had to get that outta of the way i would have probably called her worse things,cos she had no right to call you let her fiance handle her jealous issues thats not ur problem on the flip side i dnt feel u shud have insulted ur friend even though i would have done more,u guys have come a long way to let this ruin it lol @ principalities and powers

  7. Ha!! I totally feel your anger. I never get it when women call other women up and tell them to leave their man or whatever. Wetin concern you and her. She should face her dude nau?

    Muse Origins

  8. I won't laugh because I might end up getting cussed out but yes she did cross the line, it was definitely not her place. If she ever felt threatened she should have confronted her man. But as we know those who have insecurities, yes I believe she has those, never tend to reason right? You're probably still pissed because your friend is someone whom you've known for a long time and for him to attack and allow some chick (even if its his fiance) to attack you who hasn't known him as long as you have (I'm guessing) seemed wrong and almost disloyal. But then again this is a probability.
    Sha just breathe and think about cheesecake!

  9. LOL i date a girl who goes from 0 - 100 easy so i know how rageful babes like u are.. Shivers..
    But I think u were in the right on this one though

  10. Frankly, she has no business calling you. If she had a problem with the way the conversation went,she should have addressed it with her MAN, not you.

    Boyfriend shouldnt have allowed his chic to call you. Especially not on his phone..I mean...worrahell?!

    However, I don't think you should have told the boyfriend that his chic is a bitch....under that circumstance. I can't help understanding his need to be defensive at that point because frankly, he must have felt like he was between the devil and the deep blue sea...somehow.

    But, at the same rate, he should have understood ur anger and should have kept mum about you calling him and her names. It might have been best if he had let it slide and then broached it after the dust had settled.

    IT all started with the girl though...wetin concern her agbero with overload?!mchew!

  11. not okay!!i will straight hang up...i will not even waste insults on her...i don't know why some chicks are like that...

  12. The chic had no right to contact you. She has serious insecurity issues and its obvious she is an extremely jealous person. On the other hand i understand how she feels because i have been there before but she didn't have to call you. That is totally unacceptable.

    Nice blog!

  13. I would have told her - Sweetheart, I have been his friend LOOONG before you showed up.

    I don't interfere when you are talking to your boyfriend so don't interfere when I am talking to my FRIEND.

    Afterall, are you Nigerian? Do you speak Pidgin? How do you know how I was talking to him?

    Nonsense and ingredient

  14. to echo what everyone else has been saying, it completely inappropriate.

    I'm sure things will work out with your friend eventually.

  15. She definitely crossed the line by calling u..

    I can imagine how upsetting it was for u but i dont think u shld have insulted her and even ur need for that. then again I wonder what I would have done in your shoes.

    i hope u and ur friend don't loose ur friendship over this..


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  17. No. She had no business calling you. Unfortunately, your friendship with her fiancé may now be over. I hope not. Good friends are hard to find.

  18. You see the thing is a couple should keep all their crazy couple nuttiness between tehmselves! They could have had it out without you not having a clue what was going on. She shouldn't have called you and you shouldn't have wasted your breath insulting her and your friend. I'm not sure about your friend's personality but I hope you both can move on from this soon.

  19. PS For the record this has happened to me and the problem that time was actually my blog, chai. It was all going down between the couple and I didnt find out till later that my friend was now 'banned' from being alone with me LMAO!!!!!!

  20. To answer your question, "is it ever okay..." SOMETIMES IT IS. Depends on the conversation.

    However in this case, I think both of you are wrong. To be completely honest, I think your reaction was over the top.

    Cursing BOTH of them out makes you look bad. Perhaps even worse than she does because you are "just a friend" and she is the "future wife". You had added fuel to a fire that could probably have been put out with a simple straightforward non-emotional conversation.

    I didn't get this from the post but did she start cursing you out before you called her a bitch?? Or you just got irritated that she talked to you and your response was to insult her to the person she is going to marry and THEN insult him?

    If you're going to be friends with someone you can't exclude their partner. He plans to spend the rest of his life with this person (I suppose) and it seems to me that if you make him choose he will probably choose her over you.

    I think there was a better, less dramatic, way to handle this.

  21. Principalities and powers. Evil forces of distraction...#DEAD hahahaha may i not be sacked for LORL!!! at work. Nah mehn, this post is HILARIOUS!

    Well sha, its obvious the chic is insecure so just ignore her. lol i'lld have done what you did too sha.
    But even though she shouldn't have called you, you shouldn't have called her names to his her face, yeah definitely, you can insult the living daylight out of her but to his face nah...he definitely would have had to defend his chic.

    no vex again ehn honey boo boo and sorry for laughing but the post funny sha.

  22. she shouldn't have called you there is no doubt about that, but you shouldn't have called her a bitch.

    i mean what do you expect your friend to say when you are calling his wife to be a bitch and him a pussy, now that negates everything she said or whatever.

    if you respected your friend and cherished your friendship with him you should have just ignored her rantings. i think you should apologize

  23. @EDJ: I didn't call her a bitch when i was speaking to her. However, i did tell her to go to hell and that i would speak to my friend not her. I referred to her as a little bitch when i was speaking to her fiance. I wish i had called her a bitch though because it would have taught her a valuable lesson. Maybe next time she would think twice before picking up the phone to call someone she doesn't know and mouth rubbish.

    As for it being handled in a less dramatic manner. It's possible it could have been, if it happened to someone else. It is what it is, and i am who i am. I make no apologies for that especially not in this instance.

    @Doll: Not apologizing. I was given an ultimatum to apologize for REFERRING to his fiancee as a bitch or not be friends anymore and i chose the latter. You can't start stuff with me and then give me an ultimatum just because i didn't react in the way you wanted. If she had minded her business and left me out of her relationship drama, i would never have had the OPPORTUNITY or reason to refer to her as a bitch. Like i told my friend, i apologize for referring to her as a bitch, what i should have done was call her a jealous bitch to her face. He got an apology but not the one he wanted.

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  26. Ok I'm laughing in Cantonese. Or should I laugh in...whatever lil' bitch's language is? I can just imagine what my reaction would be in that situation. The nerve of her!

  27. I like your blog a lot. Check out mine
    And the answer is no the girl has some serious issues and needs to trust her fiance. And you're her fiances friend you knew each other before she came in the picture so she should calm down. Your friend was right for sticking up for his women but he wouldn't of needed to if she didn't call you. And you too wouldn't have that problem.

  28. i read your response to me and your newer post and i totally agree with you. he shouldn't have put you on a three way call or allowed her call you. i mean he should be man enough to handle his relationship and what is love without trust anyways?

    that said i wished you apologized but hey/....if you guys are ready to sacrifice the friendship then its ok

    sha take it easy and go back to studying


  29. OMG Wow... I have ALMOST been in that kind of situation but we are very different... I have that molten kind of anger.... You don't know it's hot til it's Burning you alive... lol

    AS for the girl.. I would not have exploded on her... she is not worth it. Im thinking more of a mocking and pitying approach. who has time for childish behaviors. after "however long she has been dating" she needs to understand that there are things she just cannot get about our culture. and if ever she wants to have peace of mind she needs to start studying up and asking questions b4 she starts feeling disrespected...twww.

  30. @mikki: I definitely agree I could have handled it that way but I've never been a cool headed person. I'm much better than I was as a teenager so let's hope I become more cool headed in my next decade.

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  32. Read your follow up post and it would seem you two are no longer friends and in the end she "won". I guess? Since that is what she wanted.

    That aside, you're right everyone is different. I HAVE been in a situation in college where a girl thought I was a "threat" and decided to contact me. First it happened over AIM (when ppl used to use that of course) she used his account to IM me pretending to him and trying to "start something".

    Then she added me on Fcbk with a "fake" account and started asking me about him. FINALLY she just called me to tell me to stay away from him.

    I never got mad at her, mostly because I knew it was her insecurity with the relationship and I actually felt SORRY for her. I felt bad she had to resort to all that instead of facing the trust issues in their relationship.

    Sidenote, the guy ended up cheating on her anyway, multiple times (with other girls, not me). So she did have reason to be worried. I always knew he was like that which is why we remained just friends.

    So, my opinion, for all those people saying they would curse her out as well, WHY BOTHER? That will only make you look bad AND validate her sense that you're after him.

    Be the mature one let her exhaust herself with her drama.

  33. I would probably not have reacted like you but i would have been equally furious. I get what people mean by saying he had to defend his girlfriend but who was going to defend you from their disrespectful behaviour if you didn't do it?

    I couldn't get past that first call where he put you on speaker for the girlfriend to hear. I would have found that very humiliating. There was nowhere else to go but down from there.

  34. Poor you Sting and in the middle of your jacking. No mind devil. He cant win. I have blogged about smoke detecting wives/gfs before. The most annoying female species on earth.
    well, what's done is done and like you concluded, your friendship was already on a countdown with that kinda gal.
    like ships that pass by at night and all that jazz, this too has come to an end. Abeg, no regrets!!


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