April

I hated this month. I'm not sad to see it go. Let it go with all the wahala and heartache it brought me. Bah bye, dey go o. I made a huge move today. I'm trusting God to see me through because i know i can't do this by myself. April 2010, good riddance to bad rubbish.

I've always thot April was a weird month anyway. My apologies to all the April babies. You all should have been born in October. I'm just saying.

I think i have a Stalker

So the dude i talked about in a previous post that left me that nasty voicemail, is still calling me. He called three times today. If we lived in the same state, i would be scared cos that's some stalker moves right there. I've told him never to call me again, why is he still calling? He doesn't leave voice messages or anything, he just keeps calling. We were never in a relationship, so why does he feel like he has the right to call me like this? I'm getting upset.

I don't want to talk to him or text him cos i have already told him once before that he should never call me again. If i take his calls again, i feel like i would be rewarding negative behavior. I just want him to go away from my life. I'm at the point where i feel like asking for assistance. I'm not willing to speak to him so i'm thinking of asking someone to talk to him for me. Ignoring him is not working. If i thot he would listen to me and stop calling me, maybe i would take his call and remind him to stop calling me. I don't think he will listen to me. T-mobile doesn't block numbers, btw. The best they can do for u is to change ur number. I'm not about to change my number cos of some douchebag.

I'm getting really irritated.

UPDATE: I just sent him a text asking him to stop calling me that i don't want to have anything to do with him in any capacity and his response "Hear me out"

This dude has no intention of leaving me alone. What have i gotten myself into?

Thots on this thing called marriage

So marriage and relationships have been on my mind a lot lately. I have all these questions because when i pick, i want to pick the right person for me. I know there's no perfect person but you can find the person that's perfect for you (quirks, flaws, personality and all). I don't have a model for what a relationship between a husband and wife should be like. My dad moved to the States in 1975, way before i was dreamt up. He did move back to Nigeria, in the 80's for like 3 yrs but after that he moved back to the States. The whole time before and after that, my mom was by herself in Nigeria. From the late 80's until i came here in 2002, my dad came to Nigeria to visit once a year or once in two years for like 2 weeks at a time. The longest he ever stayed that i can remember was 6 weeks. Yes! The man was an "August" visitor. My younger brother at a time would say "excuse me sir" (like we addressed our teachers in school) when he wanted to talk to my dad. He wasn't comfortable saying Daddy.

So i never got the opportunity to see how a marriage worked, whether good or bad. I did see how the long distance marriage between my parents worked though and it wasn't good. Not necessarily because of the long distance, but because of a lot of other stuff i will not go into. So now i have all these questions, and i feel like i have to start from scratch to get answers. I have 5 older sisters and half sisters. 4 of them have been married, but only one is currently married. My immediate younger sister is married also, but that's relatively new. So, i think i have a good reason to be scared of this thing called marriage. As with a lot of things i do, i like to do my little research and ask questions and get hard facts. My opinion is constantly changing as i discover and learn new stuff.

I'm also trying to decide on what kind of marriage i want. I'm not naturally a submissive person and if i want to get married to a typical Nigerian man, how much of an issue would that be? The word submissive used to get on my last nerve. Maybe because my mom was more than submissive and it didn't get her anywhere. My dad took that and ran with it. I'm thinking though, that there might be a fine line between being submissive and being a push over. The only thing that i have heard that made sense to me about being submissive is to think about it like ur husband is the leader of a project, and you have to defer to him. I guess i could go with that. Sorry, nothing else works for me cos that work submissive is just negative in my mind. 

I'm all for the idea of the 50:50 partnership in marriage, but i am starting to question how realistic that is. What exactly does that mean? Does that mean he cooks half the time? Cleans the house half the time? What? Or does it mean do you divi out duties equally? How exactly does that work?

I think it's easy to have all these expectations about marriage that are so far from the truth especially for someone like me that has no model of how this thing should work, I don't want to fall in the trap. If i decide to take the plunge, i want to go in with my eyes wide open and not be looking at things through rose colored glasses.

Question of the day.
Is loving someone enough reason to marry them? Flaws and all?

My current opinion is that it is not enough at all. Love can only take you so far.  Friendship and compatibility mixed with love would be the perfect combination. Am i right or am i wrong?

10 Things plus 1

I love...............

• Cheese cake........ All flavors except chocolate. I don't like chocolate cake either. Currently eating New York Style cheese cake with strawberries. Yum, yum, yum!!!! 

• Lenie. My adorable Yorkshire terrier/ Lhasa Apso (?) mix of a mutt. 

 Lenie and his piggy

• My baby niece - the Izzynator who turned 8 months yesterday. Daughter from another mother. 

 I absolutely love this picture of her in her play pen. She looks so mischievous. My sister would probably kill me if she knows i put her picture online. She doesn't even have her pictures on facebook, but she's so prettttttyyyyy. She looks exactly like my sister. Carbon copy.

• History and in that vein Historical romance novels. 

• Books. Favorite fantasy as a child was to be locked in a library for a week with food and a bathroom. A family friend said he always looked at me like a snub when we were kids cos i wouldn't play with them, instead i would lay on the sofa and read novels. 

 Favorite book of all time.

• Jack Macfarland of Will and Grace. 

 So much laughter and joy added to my life because of this character.

• The furry throw my mom gave me when i went back to school after christmas. 

Mine is brown. So warm and soft and cuddly.

• The honey moon phase of relationships. 

 I love, love!

• French dressing. It makes my salads just a little bit more enjoyable. Add a little honey mustard dressing to the mix, and you are golden

• Being Nigerian. I'm so Nigerian, it hurts. It doesn't seem like it's been almost 8yrs since i last stepped foot in my beloved dysfunctional country. Saw the Welcome to Lagos video, and i loved it. I loved the Igbo dude. "You take tea cos the weather is cold" or whatever he said. So real! Loves it. 

•  Snoopy. I've had my snoopy since 2005. I bought him and Charlie Brown from Kohls. Charlie Brown is not soft and cuddly, but Snoopy is. Snoopy to me equals comfort. Charlie Brown is currently in storage (at sch state) while Snoopy is right beside me.

That was Snoopy in 2005. Snoopy of 2010 is kinda worn out from giving too much love.

Stupid pple.

I deal with some really mad people, for real, for real. So there's this dude, let's call him Anslem. His two sisters were my school mates in JSS. One of them was 3yrs ahead of me and the other one was my class mate. Anyhoo, 2008, he adds me on facebook. I never accept friend requests from complete strangers but since i knew his two sisters and he was in Atl, i accepted it. He called me a couple of times, i was in the middle of studying for the MCAT so no be man matter dey my body that time. Besides, he wasn't cute so there was no incentive to go out of my way to pay him any attention. We never talked again and after about 7 months, i deleted him from my face book page.

Fast forward to Oct 2nd 2009. I was in school studying, and he calls me. I honestly thot he had dialed a wrong number. I answered the call and he asked for someone else. I said, hey, it's Sting, i guess u dialed a wrong number. He was like no, are u not (sister's name)'s friend. I said yes, but the name you called is not my name. Come to find out the idiot did not save my name, he just saved it as sister's name's friend. So i'm like what's up. He said he called to tell me happy independence. The last time i checked, Independence day was October 1st. He said he wanted me to come hang out. The whole thing was just suspicious. I told him i was no longer in Atl and why did he remember me after over a year. My conclusion was that, he had some guys from out of town and they were looking for girls to hang out with. I'm not the one, wrong person.

Then he went to look for me on face book, found out i had deleted him and he was claiming being hurt. He said i had snubbed him the year before that's why he stopped calling, blah blah. So i added him back, that's when he started saying he was interested in me. I had just started talking to Mr.Man at that time. Come to find out that they were classmates, first set of their boarding school, so they knew each other very well. When Anslem saw that i was starting to like Mr. Man, he decided to tell me things about him. I just started talking to Mr. Man, i just started talking to Anslem, i didn't know who to believe. So i decided to asked Mr. Man about the things i was told. Hey, i was looking about for myself.

Long story short, Anselm lied and made everything up. When Mr. Man confronted him, he called me and said did i not know he was joking. Eh?! Joke, for where? He never said any of those things as a joke. They were said very matter of fact, it was a very serious conversation. He didn't think i would be able to ask Mr. Man about it. He was just trying to burn the dude's cable. After all was said and done, he turned everything into a joke and said that i messed up for going to tell Mr. Man. I should have known he was joking blah blah blah. When u tell me that someone is engaged to be married and that the person is known for being a liar and all other nonsense, where is the joke there? What part should i start laughing? So we stopped talking, and after a while he started calling again. He is very persistent. I figured, what the heck, i'll talk to him.

Anyway, even though he knew i was with Mr. Man, he still kept asking me out relentlessly. He even went as far as asking me in Dec. that if me and Mr. Man break up, if i will give him a chance. I stopped talking to him again  for about a month. I went to Atl twice and refused to see him cos he just gave me this vibe that i couldn't trust him to keep his hands to himself if i was around him. This was based on the way he talked. I almost got the impression that he saw women as vaginas to a certain extent.

Over time i have warned him to stop referring to me in any sexual manner and that i hate it. For example, when he would say "you need pounding", i would get very upset. So he knows i don't like that kind of talk. I made the mistake of mentioning in passing that things were not rosy with Mr. Man, and i guess he saw that as an opportunity, even though he had mentioned to me about a girl he wanted to get married to and she said she wasn't ready. So about almost 3 weeks ago, he calls and says he wants to tell me something. He said he had a dream, and that i shouldn't act stupid when he tells me, because he knows i like to act stupid.

Na there i vex. I went off on him for telling me i act stupid because i don't let him talk anyhow to me with his stupid sexual innuendos. I hung up on him after my tirade. After i calmed down, i decided to call and apologize for going off. Big mistake. He starts talking about how i'm a coward and a prey and all this nonsense that had nothing to do with anything. So i hang up on him again. He proceeds to leave me a voice message.

"You know i'm going to fuck you right? I'm going to fuck u (then he laughs this weird ass laugh). I'm going to give you some serious pounding. I want you to be bold enough to call me back and say, Anslem, i don't like the way you talk to me, u shouldn't talk to me like that, blah blah blah (he actually said blah blah blah), and when u r done talking, i'm going to stick my dick in your mouth"

Is that not madness for u? I couldn't even be angry because i just felt like he was trying to get me mad. 

Then apology calls starts and text messages. I finally picked up one call and asked him never to call me again. I wasn't mad. I just started to feel violated. He called me twice two days ago, and twice less than an hour ago. Did i mention he's persistent? Which was why i started talking to him again after the last time i boned him.

I am tempted to say i will never speak to him again. But never is such a long time. I have no desire to speak to him right now at all. But he has been apologising since that day. He even had the nerve to say he was tipsy. Yeah freaking right! Tipsy at 2 o'clock in the afternoon? I don't think so. Besides, being tipsy didn't make him say those things. He said them because he wanted to.

Don't know what to do with this idiot because he won't stop calling me. Already deleted him and blocked him on FB. He's just an idiot. Mr. Man had no sympathy for me btw, he told me to let it go and that i was the one that chose to continue talking to him in the first place. I should always trust my instincts about people, esp since with this guy, there was more than just instincts.

6 things to work on

• Anger : I sabi vex! My blood too dey hot.  I used to get really angry to the point where i felt like i lost control of my actions. Not good! I just read of a lady who was sentenced to 25 yrs in prison for running over a group of boys throwing snacks at her car and killing one of them. So wasn't worth it. I've been working on that and it's a lot better. I only got angry once like that last yr. No incidents this year. Instead I'm just an emotional wreck. I still get irritated easily though. I have no patience for ignorance. I guess i need to work on that too.
• Being blunt: I used to be the queen of that. It was never on purpose too. I just said what i was thinking, the way i was thinking it. No filter. People always used to tell me i was too blunt and i never listened until about 3 yrs ago. I really don't like to hurt people's feeling and sometimes it takes a certain level of maturity to care about these things. I guess as i got older, i just became more conscious of it, and now i try to think about what i'm saying before i say it. I don't always succeed but i know i try. 
• Being sociable: I give myself a 3/10 for that one. I can be very shy, except at work where i know there's no room for that, then i just dive it. It's almost like i have a split personality sometimes. At home and around pple i'm close to, i will talk ur ear off. As soon as i walk out my house, it's a whole nother store. I don't do it on purpose but i'm aware of how i switch. I think i'm naturally quiet. Everyone at my job thinks i'm this mild mannered, sweet, soft spoken person. They should see me at home. My sister hosted a baby shower at her house, i did not step out of my room once. In my defense, i was having a moment that day, maybe i would have attended. We would never know. 
• Not cutting pple off easily: I would like to think that i'm a very loyal friend and i genuinely care about my friends.  I haven't really made a really good friend since i've been in this country (almost 8yrs). I was very close to my friend in California, but that fell through cos she was reading my blog, lying about it and then misinterpreting what she read on the blog. It was just a mess. Made me want to stop blogging but i stuck through it. Sad thing is I completely opened up to her and i've never done that with anyone else. She knew 98% of what i was writing, so i don't get why she had to sneak and read it and then refuse to admit she was reading it. She said that would defeat the purpose. What purpose? She didn't trust me? I'm trying to be over it, but i'm not because that friendship was ruined and i don't think we can ever go back to how we were. Sad! Anyhoo, she's the one person i know i tried to fix the problem while it was going on, but she wasn't ready. Usually, i just cut u off. No questions asked, we don't need to quarrel, just go. I did that with someone who was supposed to be my friend, but her actions last dec and January of this year, just let me know that she really didn't care about me. I let her know how i felt and i just stayed away. 
• Stubbornness: Every single person i know says I'm stubborn. Mr. Man told his brother that i'm stubborn. How? I still don't know. Although i know that if EVERYBODY is saying it, then it true. My younger brother was talking about trying his weight loss ideas on someone, and i asked what about me? He said , no, you r too stubborn. This was a few days ago. lol. I guess i have to watch myself more closely to see why everyone says that. I like to argue. My married friend just told me that i always like to get my point across. Mr. Man said that i do something wrong, i apologize but while apologizing i still try to get my point across. I guess that makes me stubborn. OK.
• Being too emotional: Jesus Christ!!! It's bad. The crazy this is i put up this hard front and when i break down these days, my friends are always like they've never seen that side of me. Trust me, it's always been there. I just hide it very well. I never used to open up to people, so i would always cry in the privacy of my bedroom. Then come out and be this hard ass to guys. One of my nicknames used to me Margaret Thatcher. I have someone who always says he would like to meet the man i would get married to. If only he knew. I'm never like that with guys i really like. Don't do it on purpose. Just my personality i guess. I have to admit though that i am too emotional and sensitive and a lot of things get to me, especially when it has to do with relationships and i really like the guy. I have to work on that big time. I can't be like this when i go back to school. I need to be able to push stuff aside and concentrate on school.