Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Reason Number 1051 Why I am a Weirdo

I have been having an absolutely, totally, completely, CRAPPY week. There are no more tears to cry at this point. It's bad enough that i've lost my appetite completely, AND i'm an emotional eater! Then i thought of something but then i felt bad because i thought i would never see said thing again. I went online to try to find some sort of copy of it, but i couldn't and it made me sadder and my day feel crappier. So i sat down and thought about how attached i was to said thing before i left home and wondered if i took it with me 2 years ago when i packed all my property into my car and headed out to begin this nightmare. Nah! I've moved apartments and i don't recall seeing it. My mind said, check those shoe boxes on top ur hallway closet, and i did. I opened the second box, and i saw it and it made me SMILE, my first genuine smile in a week and i almost shed a tear, but i didn't. Here's what i found.

I LOVE this woman's music. Absolutely, freaking love her even though i don't understand a word she's saying. She sings in Etsako and she speaks to a part of my soul that i don't readily have access to. I feel like there was a time i was on this earth when i understood her, maybe in my past life, after all, i am supposed to be my paternal grandmother reincarnated :) I love her (my paternal grandmother) even though i never met her. I absolutely 100% believe that she's one of my guardian angels. Sounds crazy, doesn't it. *shrugs*

Music is the one thing that is guaranteed to make me feel better even if it's for a second. Finding this tape is one of the best things that has happened to me in a while. In case you are wondering, no, i have no means of playing the tape. That bummed me out for all of one second, until i remembered the power of and the joy of free two day shipping. I ordered a walkman. *gasps* I know. Everyone is moving forward and here i am taking 10 technology steps back. It's worth it though, i need to hear this music. My soul needs feeding, the way only she can. This totally made my day and i am almost happy.

I'm going to blog more often, although i find that i have less time. I can't breathe. Everything is choking me and i feel so out of control of the situation and of myself. Writing has always been therapeutic, so i'm going to do what brings me peace in this crazy world i'm in. I don't know when i'm going to be able to find time to pull those questions and answer them, probably the last week of this month. I haven't forgotten about them though. I'm at the point where i want to push people away and shut everyone out. I feel like i need to regroup and refocus so i can get a grip on myself. I've turned off my phone, deactivated facebook, left skype alone, I just want to not deal with anyone for now.

In spite of my asocial leanings, I so need a hug.

P.S I'm such a thief. I stole this tape from my brother-in-law in 2004 because he borrowed a tape of mine and refused to return it. So on one fateful day, i managed to get into his car, steal my tape back and stole this one to compensate myself for all my troubles :)
*Everyone in my family knows my love for this woman's music. I'm the only one who listens to it I lost this tape a few years ago and my sister found it, and kept it until it was my birthday and gave it to me as a surprise. That's how much i love her.


  1. We all have our little wierd things that make us happy.

    Med school will do many things to you. Just hang in there and be sure to try and make time for those things that make you happy.

    Here's a big e-hug for you.

    Take care.

  2. you are truly a wierdo. LOL. haven't even heard of the woman but as long as she makes you happy.

    I pray this med school is worth it for you at the end, cuz sometimes after reading your post i just wanna fly in there and abduct you from med school

    Hang in there ok?


  3. One of the admirable things about you that I have learnt from reading your posts is your resilience. Keep doing your best. God will see you through.

    Here is a hug.

  4. Just hang in there'll be fine.

    I understand your love for this woman, I have some songs I love so much tooo.

    Take care dear ((((HUGS)))

  5. Okay I are weird.

    Just inhale slowly and deeply...then exhale sometimes and remind your self that all your discomforts now will not last forever...

    Inhale.... exhale

  6. Blessings...
    First...please don't label yourself. YOu are who you are and thats ok. We all have moments, days and even weeks when things don't go as we would like, it doesn't make us anything other than human.

    You are stronger than you think, can endure more than you believe and can triumph over all that comes your way even when it seem impossible.

    Keep your head up sistah, you are not alone though at times it may feel that way.

    Music is universal on some level you get it, on the level of "I".

    Have a blessed. one.

  7. I've started saving for the flight money for your graduation...howz that for faith! Hang in there alright?!
    Weird is as weird does. Do you.


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