Friday, August 22, 2008


I think i've made a serious mistake. Once again my impulsive nature has gotten the best of me. I never should have agreed to enter into a relationship with Mr. Sting without giving it serious thought (I didn't). It's been a couple of months and i have been struggling for a while to make myself want to be in a relationship with him. As a boyfriend, there's nothing wrong with him. He's very attentive.... too attentive if u ask me. I had to complain about that, and now he doesn't call everyday anymore which is fine with me. I was starting to resent being obligated to talk to him even when i was tired, cos i really have been working a lot these days.

The problem is i only felt excited and interested in the relationship for a week, 2 at the most. I haven't seen this guy in 6yrs. I dislike long distance relationships to begin with. If he was in a different state, it wouldn't be so bad. He's in a different continent, where i have to spend roughly $2000 just to go see him. I don't have a money tree in my backyard. These days i don't even feel like talking to him anymore. I have so much gist, but for some reason, i'm not inclined to gist with him. I don't know what my problem is. I tried, i really did. It's not like i don't like him but i don't think i want to be in such a long distance relationship. I'm too lazy to do all the movement it requires. My passport has been expired since january, even though the nigerian consulate is 30minutes from my house, i can even mail the damn thing sef, still, i can't be bothered to renew it.

What am i going to do about Mr. Sting? He hasn't done anything to me. I tried telling him i might not be too interested in the relationship anymore, and he said i shouldn't take any rash decisions. Miss GNG told me to give it a try, and my bestie from naija also said the same thing, but i don try and it's not happening. I don't even mentally feel like i have a boyfriend. A naija lady at the hospital asked me if i had a boyfriend and i promptly said no, b4 remembering that i did. I should have just let sleeping dogs lie. I really don't know what to do. Should i wait it out or should i tell him to keep it moving? If i wait it out, what exactly am i waiting for?!

Meanwhile, one of my friends in naija who has vowed not to marry if he doesn't get married to me, ambushed me with a phone call from his mother yesterday evening. She was like, why have i not come to naija? That i should keep it in mind that as soon as i come to naija, they are coming to pay my dowry. See me see wahala. Wetin i suppose to tell the woman? I just told my friend that he was lucky he wasn't around me cos he would have received a serious konk from me. I don't know what to tell this guy. He has sickle cell anemia. Personally, i don't have a problem with it cos i'm AA BUT my mother will not let me get married to him and i asked my bestie who just became a doctor and she was like hell nah! This is someone who is such a softie, but she said she has seen a lot of cases and i shouldn't try it. If i was in love with him and all that jazz then i could even begin to attempt that waka. I like him a lot, but we have never been in a relationship so i don't have those kinds of feelings for him. Although, i'm very aware that u don't have to be in a relationship to have those kinds of feelings for someone.

I am just complicating my whole life with my own 2 hands.


  1. I think you should just relax and not over think these things. things are 'complicated" as it is, no need to add ur friend to the mix.

  2. Hmmmm maybe u should just chill out...

    sounds to me like the sickle cell thing is actually a problem cos as u said If u loved him...if u love him u can make him accepted by your folks..I dont even see any reason why they need to know...

  3. if u dont feel that way, then u dont have to. and its a lifetime decision, so dont take pity cos of the ss stuff.

  4. Dint you just say you don't like long distance r'ships, y r you now considering d guy with Sickle cell???

    If you cant even say you have a boyfriend, then end the r'ship, n don't waste your resources.

    Cos if you are not feeling a guy you are not feeling him.

    I was in a r'ship like that for almost a year. D guy dint wrong me oh, but I just dint see myself having a future with him. N i wasn't feeling him, even after 6 months. Haba! it shouldn't take that long to feel something.

    Be strong deariee.

  5. SS no be beans oh.u have to love him and be mighty patient big time,its not a joke at very string infact

  6. Well my darling sting, I think if you don't think things will work with this kindly bobo, and you want to be free to date other guys, then you should let him know in a more direct way (none of this "I don't think things are working out" ish because someone can easily take that to mean "Well, she doesn't think it's working out but it is, or it will, and I'll show her!" and we can't have that.

    If, even after you tell him directly that you want out, he still wants to kick it with you, then that's his decision. When you know you're ready to be in a relationship with someone that thrills you, then you just tell him and hopefully he'll take the hint and go.

    The reason why I wanted you to give this guy a chance is because from your writings, it seems like you have a habit of going for guys who treat you like absolute crap. Therefore, when you're faced with someone a bit blander, who treats you like gold, it can be really unnerving and seem strange and boring. This guy won't curse you out if you slam the phone down on him. He won't play mind games and only call you when he's bored or his other woman on the side is busy. For someone used to drama, I can see how Mr. Sting sounds really strange.

    Anyways sha, what I'm trying to say that if you feel in your heart that this guy isn't IT for you, no shaking, tell him goodbye. But if you think it's just weird because he's not like the usual guys you date, well good things could come from it.

    The vibe I'm getting is You're Just Not That Into Him! If you were, you'd do what you have to do to save up and visit.

    Finally, you're too nice. You don't have to be mean to the mother of the guy with sickle cell but you can tell his mother that unfortunately you are not feeling him. Maybe I'm just too direct?

  7. I for one have never been a fan of long distance relationships. I just think relationships are difficult enough, without having to add time zones & zip codes to the mix.

    Hope you figure out what's best for u.

    As for the SS guy, hmmmm, don't even try it if you're not head over heels, crazy in love with him & strong enough to shoulder all the many consequences of SS.

  8. Aww sweets, long distance relationships are hard, but on separate continents, it's virtually impossible if you actually don't want to be in it.

    At some point, is Mr. Sting planning on coming here so you guys can get married and live happily ever after or are you going to where he lives to live happily ever after?
    Reason being, it's a complete waste of time to be in an intercontinental relationship knowing nothing will ever come out of it.

  9. long distance rships suck. if you're not feeling it anymore, it's completely understandable.
    i think you should do sthing abt it before u hurt each other seriously.
    you might be the right couple but it sounds to me like the wrong time and place.

    and ur other friend... well. u can't be bullied into marriage. that's that.

  10. It might be best to get it out in the open with Mister. So you can move on and stop dealing with what seems like deadwood.

    I'd not worry about doing anything re: your SS friend. I think you already know the answer there.

  11. I think u shd take a good look at what Abbie said. It's not so complicated my systa

    And like Afrobabe said, try and chill out

  12. Hmmm. this is a serious one.Long distance relationships work but when uve given up already on it, theres no need to go on with it.
    U seem to be stressed. dont take it out on urself.

  13. too much for one heart,think through the SS thing and know that you might be nursing more than one person if u go through with it. But then Miracles surely still exist, so if your faith carries you, then you dont have a problem

  14. another continent ke??..thats madd yo!!..but just chill sha..dont stress ur self out it shall get better!

  15. My dear, I was in a situation just like this early last year, and I waited 6 mths to start feeling the relatonship,but nothing changed. and it was because I hadn't thought it through from the beginning. It was more of a 'i'm bored, and so are you' situation. I had to end the relationship.
    It may not feel good, but if the whole thing doesn't work right with your spirit, let him go babe.

  16. Well, do what you feel is right, I mean, you know how you feel already. I dont think his being SS or the fact that its long distance that is the issue...seems you are not just into him....

    as for the mama...chei...this kain situation just dey say "yes ma", "thank you ma" and if you no know wetin to talk, just say "God bless"

  17. don't waste mr sting or mr SC's time and yours. Chill till you're really ready.

  18. maaaaayn....take it from someone who's been thurr...the long distance thin doesn't work, especially when it occurs at the start of a relationship! I totally feel u on forgetting u have a 'boifriend' ish cuz really, u don't feel lyk u've got one ryt? I'd say cut it short b4 it goes ne further n it seems lyk u were leading him on e'en tho u knew it wuz going nowerr. N wiv d s.cell guy, as sumone sed, u jus have to be firm. N if u don't already have those feelings 4 him, u shudn't feel obligated or nethin (4 lack of betta words!) hope this helps! God bless...xoxo

  19. wow. i'll say get out of the realtionship, if you feel this way then its not gon work

  20. All said, very well said too; nothing more to add.

    Short of which, i love the way "I am just complicating....with my own 2 hands" and doing a good job at it (i dare add).

    But, all in all....this will pass.

    ...'been a while, where art thou been?

  21. Buhahahaahahahaha. Sting, I'm sorry, but I had to get that off my chest. I'm laughing because I know what you're going thru: being in a relationship and literally forgetting that you are. Been there, done that. Never, EVER gonna try that nonsense again. Just like you, I did not think it properly. If I had, I woulda known that it woulda never worked out. But oh well. LOL


    Oh, that was just too funny. Hehehe. And yes indeed, you're complicating your own life oh.

  22. sad as it might be to let go, if ur heart isnt in it anymore, its no use stringin him along..but if deep down u feel somn can change, u shud probably wait it out..

    i honestly dunno if i wud marry a guy with sickle cell..his possible death wud just weigh heavy on the marriage..n if he does die.....*shudders*

  23. first of all, 2 marry a SS man is something no woman should do casually, just cos he proposed. cos it's a union dat will try everything n her. she'd have 2 take care of him during his crisis. she's have 2 make major life alterations. she'd have 2 live wit d fear dat he could die any day. believe me, dear, it's only unconditional love dat should drive u go dat side. anything else, no do oh. so dat u will not grow resentful of d poor dude n years 2 come

    as 4 Mr Sting, i'd say let it go. u r not feeling him, u r not feeling him. simple.

  24. You cant force it babes. You either manage it like dat or end the relationship.
    If it's not there, it isnt!

  25. Maybe you should just chill by yourself for a while.


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