Just because i love you guys

This is the video that got me hooked on D'banj. I already loved Wande Coal's voice b4 seeing this video, but this did it for me. He is definitely singing at my wedding! I have watched this video like 10 times and it cracks me up each time. I can't stop laughing.

Am i stressed or what?!

I'm kinda stressed right now. I just can't seem to relax. I went to get a touch up on Saturday, i just took out my braids on Friday and my stylist told me my hair cut off in the center of my head. So i told her to do whatever she needs to do to make it look good. I thot i would be getting a trim or something. This lady shaved my the back of my head. The style looks great, but i HATE it with a passion. It's too high maintenance and i have been trying to grow my hair back for 2 yrs now and the stylist keeps cutting it off for one reason or the other. I honestly think she gave me this bootleg haircut cos she was mad that i went to braid my hair and i didn't come to the salon for over 2 months.

I usually get my hair done every week, but matter done hard. I'm seriously broke and i can't afford to do that which is why i got my hair braided in the first place. Now she has gone to give me this stupid hair cut that would require weekly visits to the salon if i don't want to look jacked up.I'm so pissed and i feel so stupid for letting her cut my hair, although i didn't think this was what she wanted to do. She said cut but my brain was registering trim. She actually cut it with scissors but she whipped out the shaver at the end, and i just sat there like an idiot cos i thot she was looking out for me. I really think she did this on purpose cos after i got home, i remember that my hair didn't cut off when i was taking off my braids. I did the kinky twist and that doesn't cut hair off. I have a good mind never to go back to that stylist even though I've been going there for two years. She doesn't have my best interests at heart at all. I'm pissed at myself. I can't even work out cos i don't want to sweat and mess up my hair.

Moving on.............I feel guilty. I just told a guy that really likes me that i can't concentrate on him right now cos i need to focus on my exams and he said okay, let's just end everything right now. I was kinda iffy about the whole thing cos he lives in a different country but i didn't know how to straight up tell him cos i didn't want to hurt his feelings. Even today, i never told him i didn't want to date him, i just said i need to focus on school, but he took that to mean whatever. I still feel bad cos i think i hurt his feelings, but I'll get over it and I'm sure he will too. I don tire.

Anyone have any tips on how to relax (I don't drink or smoke, so that's out of the question)? I've been on edge since Saturday. It's like all the cells in my body are at attention. I've been thinking of yoga but i don't know the first thing about that.

D'banj in Maryland

I love D'banj and Wande Coal. D'banj is just too razz, but he's my kind of guy. He seems like the kind of person you can never be bored around.

Wande Coal is killing me with his voice.

Tagged- 6 unspectacular quirks

I have been tagged by Bumight. The tagging bug seems to have infected a LOT of people in blogville. I thot i escaped it.


i. link the person(s) who tagged you...
ii. mention the rules in your blog
iii. tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours...
iv. tag 6 following bloggers by linking them
v. leave comment on each of the tagged blogger's blogs letting them know they've been tagged...

6 unspectacular quirks? What??!! Everything about me is spectacular....... Whatchu' talking about? Well, i'll try to see if i can dig something unspectacular up, it's going to be hard but i'll try cos i love u guys.

1. I hate crowds. Large space, small space, as long as there's too many pple in a place, i'm uncomfortable. I have been known to not get on a crowded train regardless of how long i have to wait for the next train. I am nothingphobic. I just don't like crowds.
2. Having my body itch is the most disgusting thing to me. I feel dirty whenever my body itches. I guess it's because when i was little, whenever i would scratch my body my mom would tell me to go take a shower.
3. I have 2 personalities and i don't do it on purpose. At home, i am as goofy as can be. Once i step out the house, it's a different story. EVERYONE meeting me for the first time assumes i'm quiet. I actually look quiet. Until i get comfortable around them, then they start to wonder if i was the same person they originally met.
   
4. I would rather read a book than watch TV. I absolutely refused to see any of the Harry Potter movies. I didn't want it messing with my imagination. I've probably read over a thousand books (not an exaggeration). My favorite fantasy when i was a teenager was to be locked in a room full of books, with just food, water and a toilet for a week.
5. I used to love to talk on the phone. I have spent 6hrs on the phone at a stretch on numerous occasion. In fact i spent the last 3yrs of my life constantly on the phone. Now, i can't stand talking on the phone. I don't even want to hear my phone ring. My phone has been on vibrate since february.
6. I am allergic to Eba (garri). I get boils, start sneezing, and have serious mucus coming out my eyes whenever i eat it. I can only remember eating it twice, once when i was 9 and i told my mom she didn't know what she was talking about and the other time in boarding school when i was seriously hungry. It wasn't a good look. My paternal grandmother reacts the same way so i guess it's genetic.

I tag notperfectdotcom, goodnaijagirl, soupasexy, nigerican, dejanae, and skinnychic

What it do?

Bee to flower: Helloooooo, my flower! I have returned........ a beautiful bee!

Sorry for the break in transmission. There was some slight malfunction in my medulla or cerebellum or whatever brain part is responsible for those things. I should know, shouldn't I, after all those biology and psychology classes i took. Whatever.

I feel like i have been away for a long time although it's only been a week. So what's been happening?

1. I discovered my love for D'banj! After all these years. I still don't really like his music any more than i did b4 but i love his personality. He is so razz and i love it cos there's no sign of pretentiousness. I love him.
   
2. Wande Coal. OMG!!! I was listening to the remix of "Why me" by D'banj and i was asking myself how come i never knew D'banj had such a sweet voice. Only for my brother to tell me it was Wande Coal. I'm such a fan. He is so talented. He's definitely coming to sing at my wedding.
3. I'm looking forward to having kids (but not anytime soon). I was on the train with about 40 first graders yesterday and they were adorableeeeee, noisy but adorable. They were all so cute. What happened to all the ugly babies? I haven't been around kids that young in a very long time. Cuteness!
4. My father was right when he said i looked like i gained weight. I did. I gained 10lbs. I almost had heart attack when i weighed myself. I thot the scale was broken, so i used another one and it was the same thing. One week and i'm down 8lbs. I think i have another 15lbs to go.
5. My mother told how awesome and beautiful i am and all that good stuff. If i didn't know better i would think she read my blog.
6. They decided to give me a $2 raise at my job instead of $1 after i told them that i couldn't do the $1 raise. I'm still looking for another job, or maybe i'll just get a second job. I'm broke
7. I finally got a car. Whoo hoo!
8. I'm looking for a rich, generous boyfriend. Keyword: Generous. I've had a rich stingy boyfriend b4. So, now i know it's not just enough to say i want a rich boyfriend. You have to specify. Oh, he has to be cute too.
   
9. I really have a problem with guys who say "I love you" too soon. It worries me. I met this dude and we've been talking for 2 weeks. Keyword: TALKING. I've never met him and yet he has told me he loves me. I told him to stop and he said just because i don't feel the same way doesn't mean i should undermine his feelings. Okay oh! Sorry.
10. I am freaking BROKE. Putting the down payment on that car cleaned me out literally.
    

This is soooooooo not a poem

If my feelings were a man
he would be a battered bent old soul with a walking stick
If my feelings were a woman
she would be a sensitive, raging biatch (watch ur fingers, she bites)

I long for/crave the feeling that comes with being wanted by
someone whom I like ALSO. (Keyword; reciprocity)

U like me, I don't like u
I like u, u don't like me.
Nah!

I crave physical touch
(is there unphysical touch?)
a hug that lets me know that i'm desired
a hug that lets me know i am safe

I feel like a little piece of me is broken
but i am scared
I am scared
cos
i
can't
fix it
cos
I don't know what is bro
ken

But on days like this
I feel it
I hear it
Don't u hear it?
That annoying creaking sound
you hear it,
but u have no idea where it's coming from.

I can tell something is broken and i am worried.

I have cried buckets and buckets
of tears
and i am afraid
i no longer
know
how
to be happy

I latch unto people
often the wrong ones
and hope they help me to be happy.
but they never do.
They have no idea how to be happy,
so how can they help me?

I don't need someone to make me feel complete
but there's this
itsy bitsy thing
called
VALIDATION
I crave it.

I seek it
when i give Daddy an invitation to my honors award ceremony
and he just looks at it and throws it on the table
no "good job"
how about "i'm proud of u"
i'll take that too.
I don't even dream he'll show up
So what i graduated with a 4.0 major GPA?
or research honors?
Big freaking deal,
u can't even pass the freaking MCAT.
You should have studied Nursing like i told u to
you never listen!

So i crave validation,
and look for it in places i shouldn't
with people
i shouldn't.

When am i going to validate myself?
When am i ever going to
tell myself and
BELIEVE
that i am OK
just the way i am?

What happened to that thing called
self-esteem?
I thot i had it.
I could have sworn i had it.
Maybe the reason i can't seem to find it these days,
is that i got it from the wrong source
BOYSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!

You are so cute,
you are so pretty,
you are gorgeous
so many compliments
for so long,
it is now a cliche
It no longer means anything
I am no longer flattered

Temporary validation

The people
who should have made me feel good about myself
didn't!
I felt invisible
I didn't count
I was the stubborn, rebellious teenager
(at least u heard me then)
I was the bad child
The child you couldn't stand
I felt no love
I felt shame instead.
Ashamed that i wasn't good enough
I didn't fit

Years have passed,
still, i can find no redemption.
I'm left with scars in my heart
and a pain that won't go away.

I feel like I'm broken
and I am worried
cos
I don't know
how to fix it.

I am not perfect,
but
i'll always be
ME.

(Abeg, those of u who think the title is a joke, it is not. I will not be caught dead writing a poem, as much as i hate those things. You can thank my Irish lit professor for that. I don't think someone told her when she was child that too much of everything is bad.)