I refuse to Hear this Alone - Bini girl vs. Ibo Guy

Abeg, you people should follow me to hear this one o. My sis just sent me the audio and as soon as i heard the first line, i cracked up big time. I had heard this mess last year from facebook but it was quickly taken down. Some of you might have heard it already, it was titled "Bini girl....." I can't remember the rest of the title. To say i was SPEECHLESS after listening to it, is an understatement. I left what i was doing after i got the mail a few minutes ago, converted the audio from amr to mp3, slapped on a picture and made a video, so i could upload it for your listening pleasure, really. You can thank me now.

Yes, the chic is a Bini girl, through and through. There's always the possibility that she is not bini by tribe, but trust me when i say she was bred and buttered on the STREETS of Benin-City. Keyword: Streets. I know my people when i hear them :) (But i wasn't raised on the streets lol). I was SHOCKED at the words that were coming out of her mouth. This girl fall my hand die. This is a hot topic for me because my ILP is focused on HIV awareness and prevention. AIDS no go lia lia finish. We have a long way to go in terms of educating people.

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I miss

I miss my niece.....
Who is a spitting image of my sister....but on a very good day, she could pass as my child, cos she looks like me too. Then again, me and my sister used to pass for twins, when we were younger. I met one of my sister's in-laws this past summer, first words out his mouth was "Wow, you look like your sister". Why, thank you. That's why she's my sister.

I miss my therapist.....
Nothing compares to having someone who is there to listen to you, and help you think and figure out things, without passing any judgment, or imposing anything on you. Just there to listen, and steer and guide, and help you understand and open your eyes. I still have the rock. It's supposed to signify strength. Sometimes i don't know if i'm strong enough. I feel broken. But then i stop and think and look back on how far i've come. I really am one strong African woman. What do you know?

I miss my doggie.....
whom i had to give up because i had to go away to med school. I really miss my dog, Lenie, dog of my life. My baby. Complete affection, and devotion and unconditional reciprocated love. I used to miss him so much, and then i got used to not having him, then i was with him for a short while last year, but he was no longer mine, he followed my sister around the way he used to follow me :( We bonded again, but then i had to leave and this time it was easier. But on days when everything is going crazy and i feel so down and alone, i miss my doggie. I really do.I have no clue where he is right now cos my sister just moved out of state and had to give all the dogs up :(((( One of my friends in med school said initially she thought i wasn't Nigerian-nigerian because i was so into my dog (cos we had interacted via facebook and roommate search list before we actually started school)

Lenie and Kimiko

*I have so much work to do. I feel like i'm about to have a nervous breakdown and to think i am participating in this madness without the aid of any sort of caffeine, be it coffee, soda, energy drinks etc etc.

It is well! This is such a stinking platitude that Nigerians like to spew, but sometimes what else is there to say?

Lamentation 007

• I hate med school
• I hate my life............right now. 
• This is not humanly possible. I have been on this chair since 5am, no freaking break. I haven't even taken a shower or properly eaten. I feel like i'm starving but I have completely lost my appetite. I'm so scared because the demon that is my stomach doesn't play that. I need to feed it regularly so it can give me peace. Still, i have to get all this done. 
• I really, really, really, couldn't care less about these SOAP notes and how to do them, but seeing how it cares a lot about me, i have to do them. One down, one to go. 
• I am so going to bullshit my way through that ILP (individualized learning plan). If only my pathway advisor didn't have to approve it. 
• Was i supposed to stop being human and become a freaking machine? 
• I am tired!
• I HATE MED SCHOOL.  I do, i really do. 
• But i so want to be a doctor. I do, i really do. 
• I really wanted to write some of this on twitter, but it's a "happy" place. I never see anyone lamenting about their lives over them (although, i'm hardly ever on there). So i guess i will just confine my lamentations to this space. 
• I'm fine. 
• I will be fine. 
• I'm okay.

Weekend plans

This is my agenda for this weekend. I'm supposed to go over 6 lectures of Path and 3 lectures of Micro 3 times. It's a very tall order, given how many slides each lecture is, but i'm behind because i spent two+ days this week sleeping and wallowing without doing any school work. It's payback time. Envy me. Plus i've got two H & P write ups and my ILP to do over the weekend. No, really, envy me. My life is wonderful.

My walkman came :) I fed my soul :) :). Truth be told, i prefer my ipod. This thing makes some serious noise as the tape is rolling. It's serving its purpose though, so i can't complain.

Have a good weekend guys.

Update

5.30pm Sunday Evening

I am so freaking behind. I am going to be in deep shit if i don't pull it together somehow. If only i can say i have been on my P's and Q's but i have not. I've been bothering myself over STUPID SHIT!  God save me from fools who are working on their own destruction with eyes wide open. Fools in the case, being me. I need deliverance.

Hanging out with Clippy my female binder clip robot :)

Peace, Love and Happiness

.....and light!This and much more I wish for myself and for all the good people of this world.

I want a tribute video for my birthday. I shouldn't have to die before the people who love me tell me how much I mean to them, on my facebook wall or at my funeral. Tell me now! I told u guys i was strange. So what are the chances of me getting a tribute video? If i say nothing, Zilch! But if i say something to the right people or person, i just might get it. I don't think there's a right person though at this point. I'll probably just make myself one, that way if i die, it can be played at my funeral :)

See....i like to make life easy for people, even at my death.

I think about death and dying ALL the time. I often wonder when my time is going to be up and how i'm going to go. Best way to die, is in your sleep without any illness. Sudden death! Sucks for the people you leave behind, but great for the dead. A lot of people are skittish about death. In case u haven't heard, the mortality rate is 100%

We had to practice giving bad news last week before our "bad news OSCE" (practical exam)  this week and while i was role playing with one of my classmates, he as the "patient" asked me if he was going to die. I just started cracking up, which in turn made him laugh, and we were being evaluated so we could see what we needed to improve. When i heard the question, all that popped into my head to respond to him, was "Yes!", but i couldn't say it like that and i didn't know what else to say. Anyhoo, i did "outstanding" on the real thing, or so says my standardized patient who is a doctor in real life, so i'll take it he knows what he's talking about :)

Reason Number 1051 Why I am a Weirdo

I have been having an absolutely, totally, completely, CRAPPY week. There are no more tears to cry at this point. It's bad enough that i've lost my appetite completely, AND i'm an emotional eater! Then i thought of something but then i felt bad because i thought i would never see said thing again. I went online to try to find some sort of copy of it, but i couldn't and it made me sadder and my day feel crappier. So i sat down and thought about how attached i was to said thing before i left home and wondered if i took it with me 2 years ago when i packed all my property into my car and headed out to begin this nightmare. Nah! I've moved apartments and i don't recall seeing it. My mind said, check those shoe boxes on top ur hallway closet, and i did. I opened the second box, and i saw it and it made me SMILE, my first genuine smile in a week and i almost shed a tear, but i didn't. Here's what i found.

I LOVE this woman's music. Absolutely, freaking love her even though i don't understand a word she's saying. She sings in Etsako and she speaks to a part of my soul that i don't readily have access to. I feel like there was a time i was on this earth when i understood her, maybe in my past life, after all, i am supposed to be my paternal grandmother reincarnated :) I love her (my paternal grandmother) even though i never met her. I absolutely 100% believe that she's one of my guardian angels. Sounds crazy, doesn't it. *shrugs*

Music is the one thing that is guaranteed to make me feel better even if it's for a second. Finding this tape is one of the best things that has happened to me in a while. In case you are wondering, no, i have no means of playing the tape. That bummed me out for all of one second, until i remembered the power of amazon.com and the joy of free two day shipping. I ordered a walkman. *gasps* I know. Everyone is moving forward and here i am taking 10 technology steps back. It's worth it though, i need to hear this music. My soul needs feeding, the way only she can. This totally made my day and i am almost happy.

I'm going to blog more often, although i find that i have less time. I can't breathe. Everything is choking me and i feel so out of control of the situation and of myself. Writing has always been therapeutic, so i'm going to do what brings me peace in this crazy world i'm in. I don't know when i'm going to be able to find time to pull those questions and answer them, probably the last week of this month. I haven't forgotten about them though. I'm at the point where i want to push people away and shut everyone out. I feel like i need to regroup and refocus so i can get a grip on myself. I've turned off my phone, deactivated facebook, left skype alone, I just want to not deal with anyone for now.

In spite of my asocial leanings, I so need a hug.

P.S I'm such a thief. I stole this tape from my brother-in-law in 2004 because he borrowed a tape of mine and refused to return it. So on one fateful day, i managed to get into his car, steal my tape back and stole this one to compensate myself for all my troubles :)
*Everyone in my family knows my love for this woman's music. I'm the only one who listens to it I lost this tape a few years ago and my sister found it, and kept it until it was my birthday and gave it to me as a surprise. That's how much i love her.