I never thought I would become one of those bloggers who went MIA. A lot of things have played into it, including not wanting to blog using the hospital or clinic computers, being super busy and have little desire to come home and do anything that was not work related. Even the work related stuff I sometimes had no energy or desire to do. I was behind on my work for months and only just caught up.
I have had serious issues with my residency program with regards to faculty and staff. There were a lot of things that happened that made it clear I wasn't treated the same as the other residents. There was a time last year where everyday there was something. I was so baffled as to what was going on and why. Little things were blown out of proportion and attributed to me. People perceived things how they wanted and it was accepted by the program director as the truth without ever hearing from me.
I remember one Saturday or Sunday after I was done with my 12 hr shift, I drove to my "adopted" auntie's house and just cried. That was the day that my eyes started opening to what was really going on. She is a Nigerian college professor and recognized what I was telling her. She said things that had I experienced without me even telling her. Even though I didn't feel better, talking to her helped me stop feeling like I was going crazy, because I had been scratching my head trying to understand what was going on and nothing was making sense. To give you an idea of what I am talking about, one of my co-residents had made a comment around that time that she felt like I was being hazed.
Well, things got worse. I am not someone who lets people walk over me so they had a challenge because I brought everything they did to my program director's attention. He was part of the problem too, so I went higher. There recently was a meeting where long story short, they admitted they haven't always handled things correctly with me, let's start afresh, clean slate. Uh hum.
As I sit here typing this I have been denied time off to go to a job interview. I can't get anytime of until July 10th as if this job will be reserved for me. This was something that was initially approved because "you guys are usually allowed time off for job interviews". Then her "boss" who was one of the people who started the campaign against me last year, sent me an email yesterday stating otherwise. When I spoke to the initial person that had approved it, it was very clear that she was flustered and did not know what to say to me. I understood what was happening so I told her it was fine. I can go to my doctor's appointment which is not about anything life threatening but I can't go for a job interview? Talk about day light witchcraft.
Because I had never encountered anything like this before, I didn't always handle things well. I would get emotional and feel bad and waste time crying and talking to people who had no intention of helping me. Now I know what not to waste my energy on. I was upset about it yesterday and feel a bit down today. I could go to the top and get them to intervene but I'm picking my battles, although this one is not over.
The one thing that has always been in my favor is that my patients love me, both patients I meet in the hospital and my clinic patient. Not a single faculty can has anything bad to say about my patient care. That's one thing they can't control. So when I get frustrated, I focus on that.
I have said it openly to the chief resident and anyone who would listen, I would never encourage a black female of whatever origin to come to this program. I wish I had paid more attention to race and racial issues while I was applying to residency, I never would have ranked this program number 10, talkless of number one. While I am not happy that this has been my experience, I have very recently chosen to learn from this. To stop being horrified that people can hate your guts but still relate with you like they love you. The average naija person won't talk to you if they don't like you, If they have to work with you they will be civil and professional, but to go as far as acting like you are friends, is something I have never encountered before and it scares me. I can't tell based on how people treat me if they really like me or can't stand me and it's a very uncomfortable feeling.
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hey sting, ehugs. it's because of your race and nothing else. you just have to hang nin there till you finish.i have been through this at my former work place being a black woman. I just say "fake it till you make it"
ReplyDeleteI want to thank Dr Emu a very powerful spell caster who help me to bring my husband back to me, few month ago i have a serious problem with my husband, to the extend that he left the house, and he started dating another woman and he stayed with the woman, i tried all i can to bring him back, but all my effort was useless until the day my friend came to my house and i told her every thing that had happened between me and my husband, then she told me of a powerful spell caster who help her when she was in the same problem I then contact Dr Emu and told him every thing and he told me not to worry my self again that my husband will come back to me after he has cast a spell on him, i thought it was a joke, after he had finish casting the spell, he told me that he had just finish casting the spell, to my greatest surprise within 48 hours, my husband really came back begging me to forgive him, if you need his help you can contact him with via email: Emutemple@gmail.com or add him up on his whatsapp +2347012841542 is willing to help any body that need his help.
DeleteGREAT MOTHER IS REAL. PLEASE BELIEVE HER. I am Lucy Jones and i want to share my testimony on how real Great Mother is and how she helped me to get my ex husband back to me. when my husband left me, i thought it was all over until i saw testimonies of Great mother how she has helped so many people. I never believed but i gave it a try since i had no option. I contacted her and i told her everything. She told me what to do and to my Greatest surprise, my man came back to me in 3 days time just as Great Mother said. Thank you Great mother. Thank you very much. If you need help please contact the Great Mother now on her Email: Greatmotherofsolutiontemple1@gmail.com and you can also reach her on her whatsapp no: +17025514367 you can also check her out on her website: Greatmotherofpowers.blogspot.com
DeleteI was so excited that you finally put up a new post, but was so sad and mad for you after I read it!!! Racism is very much alive in this country and I can relate with what you're going through. I experience it everyday at work, but you come to a point where you learn to play the game, so to speak. You learn like AB did and "fake it till you make it ". You learn to put your game face on and never let them see you sweat or flustered.
ReplyDeleteYou're a smart lady and I know you can make it through. My thoughts and prayers are with you, continue to stay strong and encouraged.
I'm so mad they are treating you this way.
ReplyDeleteWorking in America as a black person isn't easy moreso as a Nigerian. Hang in there.
Kpata kpata schedule a doctor's appointment on the day of your interview or just call in sick.
These same people will probably shaft you at the end of the residency so above all be loyal to yourself.
Blessings I will like to tell you I don't know how you feel. That would be a bold faced lie! Two words: psychic torture. That is what the experience is called along with self-alienation (experience promotes) in addition to feeling and being displaced. The other pieces that supports the rupture is the culture and traditions that is embedded in our thinking that impacts the way we think, see, act and analyze ourselves, people and our relation to it all in the context of our place in the world.
ReplyDeleteAs people of African descent no one prepares you for this outside of your world of black governance where your understanding is in alignment - cultural, spiritual, political, soco-economical etc. Those of us who experience it don't know how to articulate it in a way that not only guards our brothers and sisters but also give them valuable tools to navigate the the world of "othering," "inferior designating" designed to place them exactly where you are. It is the psychological deconstruction of your mind (psychic torture). To deliberately deconstruct and reconstruct you into whom the determinately designate who you ought to be according to their racist construct. The key, staying rooted in Your authenticness by remembering the strength and power of your ancestors running through your veins and dancing on the soles of your feet as a birth right and not as appropriation. Know with unwavering certainty that you cannot play small and hide your excellence in order to make others feel bigger and supposedly Superior. This will not serve you it will only further their agenda to ensure your mediocrity by which will suit the comfortably. Be ever mindful to guard your mind because if you are not careful you will internalize those toxic ideologies that will turn you against yourself (self-negation) seeing the color of yours in as part of the problem.
Understand, you cannot change them. You can only change you by creating a shift that allows you to stay authentically who you are while accomplishing what is required for you to do what you feel you were ordained to do without losing your center. Youndo not have to give up/abandon your indigenous knowledges in order to attain another, rather you marry them, they can coexist in the landscape of you. People choose to be who they are because it is what serves them, your hurt feelings and moral is of no consequence. Do not let that interrupt your journey and take you off your path. Your are responsible for you. You are your responsibility.
As we say in Trinidad, "shit will happen regardless, so walk with a shovel on your back and be prepared to move that shit out of your path so you can get on about your business."
Mercy I wrote a book. I hope what I've shared helps.
I was just reading and going Oh my God, oh my God, barely able to sit still while reading ur comment.
DeleteTHIS!!!!
"To deliberately deconstruct and reconstruct you into whom the determinately designate who you ought to be according to their racist construct"
I told the medical director of our clinic that she wants me to be Caucasian and I'm not Caucasian. I said u need to go learn about Nigerians and eye contact. She pretty much said, well u r here now.
I had to tell her to tell me how she wants me to be because she complained about the tone of my voice, facial expressions, eye contact, body language. I wanted to scream.
I have shed tears just for being myself. Thank you so much for your comment. I knew I wasn't crazy.
Being there, done that, just make sure they don't fire you. I have seen that happened before. If you can't get time to interview, u will not be able to start work on time but your job will wait. Look for jobs with phone interviews initially, there are some that will also interview on weekends. If they don't let you do interviews, u need to be suspicious that they might be plotting to fire u before the end of the program. I have seen that before. People are quick to say that u must be doing something wrong otherwise they can't all be against, well I got it because I have been in that situation before. Also, when you start to work it is a different story, even stupid MA and nurse managers will be rude to you. It gets more frustrating when the people that are supposed to be voice of reasoning are actually your skeptics. The comforting truth is that there is always a better option for a doctor, just make sure you graduate. Goodluck!
ReplyDeleteThe director graduate medical education of all the residency programs affiliated with the hospital happens to be my med school mentor. He sees what is going on and has told me not to worry, that no one can fire me without his say-so and it's not going to happen. He was so upset when he heard what has been happening. He's not black but straight up told me that the area my program is located is not conducive to African Americans. I blame my naivete.
DeleteThis post made me so sad and angry all at once. Hang in there Sting!! They can't break you! You're bigger than them. Stay strong! Stay focused! And keep in mind all that Rhapsody Said!!
ReplyDeletePraying for you! x
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After being in relationship with Wilson for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that don't believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I meant a spell caster called Dr Zuma zuk and I email him, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: spiritualherbalisthealing@gmail.com or call him +2349055637784 you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEM
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Genuine Love Spell To Get Ex Back, And Stop Divorce Contact Happylovespell2@gmail.com. I just found out about my husband cheating on me with a co-worker! We’ve been married going on two years. 2kids. lots of amazing momments together. i want to leave, but i love him so much. all i can think about is how nothing stopped him. how he has to see her everyday because they work together. we are both still young and very attractive. but i want my husband, my friend, and the father of my beautiful children. how do i get past the thought of another woman having my husband? Not my fiancé, not my boyfriend, but my husband! i still love him even though he thinks i want to leave i really want him to do better and stop me before i walk out! my husband told me that he doesn’t feel loved anymore, just because of this co-worker he has be cheating on with me that he wants a divorce, i was devastated, heart broken i begged him to listen to me that we can work it out like we always do, but he didn’t listen, he told me that he met someone that loves and understands him, i begged him to consider our kids but he’s did listen. he left and i was frustrated, i began searching for help and answers, then i heard about a man that can Cast a spell to remind him of all the things we have been through together, at first I was scared then i decided to give it a try, and like magic my husband came back, apology and begging for forgiveness, thanks to this man, I’m posting this to help people with similar issues.
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Genuine Love Spell To Get Ex Back, And Stop Divorce. I just found out about my husband cheating on me with a co-worker! We’ve been married going on two years. 2kids. lots of amazing momments together. i want to leave, but i love him so much. all i can think about is how nothing stopped him. how he has to see her everyday because they work together. we are both still young and very attractive. but i want my husband, my friend, and the father of my beautiful children. how do i get past the thought of another woman having my husband? Not my fiancé, not my boyfriend, but my husband! i still love him even though he thinks i want to leave i really want him to do better and stop me before i walk out! my husband told me that he doesn’t feel loved anymore, just because of this co-worker he has be cheating on with me that he wants a divorce, i was devastated, heart broken i begged him to listen to me that we can work it out like we always do, but he didn’t listen, he told me that he met someone that loves and understands him, i begged him to consider our kids but he’s did listen. he left and i was frustrated, i began searching for help and answers, then i heard about a man that can Cast a spell to remind him of all the things we have been through together, at first I was scared then i decided to give it a try, and like magic my husband came back, apology and begging for forgiveness, thanks to this man, I’m posting this to help people with similar issues.
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I must say 2016 & 2017 was the years of me trying so hard beyond many desperate measures to gain back love, trust and happiness from my better half after he left. After trying so hard beyond desperate measures to unite with my husband throughout the years, I became confused, frustrated for all the goals, hopes and ardent wishes of uniting my family. I thought maybe he is not really meant for me.
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HOW TO GET YOUR GiIRLFRIEND BACK URGENT GENUINE LOVE SPELL WITH 100% GUARANTEE CONTACT Happylovespell2@gmail.com. Me and my girlfriend have been getting into little arguments which then later escalate. a lot of which are my fault but i never thought i would lose her because we are in love. she told me yesterday that she loves me but she is done. that the fights keep hurting her too much. i can’t believe i hurt her like that and would love nothing more than another chance to prove to her and myself that i will cut out my insecurities that I’ve brought into this relationship. It wasn’t until i lost her that my eyes really opened in what i was doing. i asked for another chance and she said she cannot do that right now. i asked if she is done with my forever and she said she doesn’t know what will happen down the road but right now she needs space. I’m lost, confused, heart broken. i feel like it’s all my fault and i don’t want to lose her, all she told me was that the relationship is over, she blocked me on whatsapp. i went no contact. she unblock me. i still maintain no contact she blocked me again. 1 week of no contact. will she come back? we were very close. she may not be the best looking girl. but i love her. now i begged her to consider me but she’s did listen, she left and i was frustrated, i began searching for help and answers, then i heard about a man that can cast a spell to remind her of all the things we have been through together, at first I was scared then i decided to give it a try, and like magic my girlfriend came back, apology and begging for forgiveness, thanks to this man, I’m posting this to help people with similar issues, do not hesitate to email
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HOW TO GET YOUR GIRLFRIEND BACK URGENT GENUINE LOVE SPELL WITH 100% GUARANTEE CONTACT Happylovespell2@gmail.com. Me and my girlfriend have been getting into little arguments which then later escalate. a lot of which are my fault but i never thought i would lose her because we are in love. she told me yesterday that she loves me but she is done. that the fights keep hurting her too much. i can’t believe i hurt her like that and would love nothing more than another chance to prove to her and myself that i will cut out my insecurities that I’ve brought into this relationship. It wasn’t until i lost her that my eyes really opened in what i was doing. i asked for another chance and she said she cannot do that right now. i asked if she is done with my forever and she said she doesn’t know what will happen down the road but right now she needs space. I’m lost, confused, heart broken. i feel like it’s all my fault and i don’t want to lose her, all she told me was that the relationship is over, she blocked me on whatsapp. i went no contact. she unblock me. i still maintain no contact she blocked me again. 1 week of no contact. will she come back? we were very close. she may not be the best looking girl. but i love her. now i begged her to consider me but she’s did listen, she left and i was frustrated, i began searching for help and answers, then i heard about a man that can cast a spell to remind her of all the things we have been through together, at first I was scared then i decided to give it a try, and like magic my girlfriend came back, apology and begging for forgiveness, thanks to this man, I’m posting this to help people with similar issues, do not hesitate to email
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Genuine Love Spell To Get Ex Back, And Stop Divorce. I just found out about my husband cheating on me with a co-worker! We’ve been married going on two years. 2kids. lots of amazing momments together. i want to leave, but i love him so much. all i can think about is how nothing stopped him. how he has to see her everyday because they work together. we are both still young and very attractive. but i want my husband, my friend, and the father of my beautiful children. how do i get past the thought of another woman having my husband? Not my fiancé, not my boyfriend, but my husband! i still love him even though he thinks i want to leave i really want him to do better and stop me before i walk out! my husband told me that he doesn’t feel loved anymore, just because of this co-worker he has be cheating on with me that he wants a divorce, i was devastated, heart broken i begged him to listen to me that we can work it out like we always do, but he didn’t listen, he told me that he met someone that loves and understands him, i begged him to consider our kids but he’s did listen. he left and i was frustrated, i began searching for help and answers, then i heard about a man that can Cast a spell to remind him of all the things we have been through together, at first I was scared then i decided to give it a try, and like magic my husband came back, apology and begging for forgiveness, thanks to this man, I’m posting this to help people with similar issues.
ReplyDeleteEmail him @.... happylovespell2@gmail.com
You can also view on his Blogs site... https://happylovespell2.blogspot.com.ng/
Whatsapp him or better still call...+2348133873774
i must say you are the best love spell caster and i must tell the world about Dr Ehis he a nice man and also his love spell is very effective and i am very happy to say this to the world you can contact him also Email: drehis60@gmail. . com or whatsApp him on +2347057467980
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