Sunday, April 13, 2008

Envy doesn't live here

I read something today that made me remember my favorite poem. I hate poems by the way, but i discovered my love for this poem b4 i discovered my hatred for poems (long story). This poem serves as a reminder that "all that glitters is not gold". A cliche, i know but it's true. It's so easy to look at something or someone from the outside and envy it or them, but u can never know what the true story is. As one of my crazy friends used to say"na only the rat wey dey inside house, know whether food dey the house". He said it in reference to pple who live in mansions. I try not to envy anyone, or be jealous of any good thing that happens to someone else. You'll never hear me say, i wish i were her because if i envy the good things that happen to someone would i still envy them when bad things happen to them. Here's the story that good me thinking, and here's my favorite poem. Read it pple, it's good!


Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.

And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.

And he was rich—yes, richer than a king—
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.

So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.
By Edwin Arlington Robinson


  1. Its not bad to need or want a man in ur life,...its nature...

    Peoples lifes look rosey from the outside dont they...

    Abusive relationships..been in one, hopefully one day I will have the courage to blog about it.

  2. Sting,
    I have read the pathetic story and I was nearly in tears.
    Why do girls or women fall in love with such beasts?

    My mother was a beautiful woman and my father was a perfect gentleman. So, I am always shocked when I see such tragic relationships.

    When my brother-in-law beat up my younger sister, I warned that next time, he would be shot and I meant it.

    But many women walk into hell with their eyes wide open and when the beasts have abused and devoured them, they turn around to look for comfort in the arms of the nice guys they thought were pussies.

    How do girls or ladies fall into such terrible traps?

    Most women do not respect men who respect them.

    I have a girlfriend who had been abused before I met her.
    She is 12 hours drive away from my location and the distance between us gives her a lot of space to do so many things behind my back and she still expects me to trust her and do my best for her. She could tell a million and one lies and I wouldn't be able get at the truth, but I let her be herself, because I love her. But I believe in God that whatever she does will be known one day and it would be shame on her.

    She could be in an abusive relationship behind my back and I wouldn't know.

    Let me explain how these things happen.

    A lady can have two boyfriends in different locations and one of them could be nasty to her.

    It is always good to investigate why a woman is being abused.

    What caused it?
    What provoked him?
    Would a man beat up an innocent woman?

    A man cannot just beat up a woman without provocation?

    I am just trying to address the case from all angles of human circumstances.

    Women should always look very well before jumping up and going out with men.

    Looks are often deceptive.

    I always joke that babes should not be fooled by my looks.
    Jesus Christ said even the devil comes in the form of an angel of light.

    1. Do not be deceived by mere sweet words from Hallmark cards and other love poems.

    Actions speak louder than words.

    If you hear him screaming at someone, do not grin and smirk and overlook this sign of ill-temper and nager, because he is going to scream at you eventually.

    Just beware of him.

    2. Do not be lured with cash and gifts.

    Only dogs fall for such baits.

    3. Do not be deceived by the status symbols of the middle class or upper class, because what matters most is where you can live in love and peace.

    An American woman of color came to Nigeria in 1975 when she was only 22 and fell for the temptations of a dashing Nigerian Army officer who lured her with sweet words, his luxury home and posh cars. But she was already trapped by the time she found out the truth that he had other wives and countless mistresses. She was trapped for over 12 years before I came into her life in 1988. She had been beaten and traumatized that she was too ashamed to even leave him and preferred to pretend that all was well and he kept on holding her back with his apologies and regrets.
    "I am sorry. Oh, baby.
    I don't know what came over me. I promise you that I will never hit you again," he had sworn after every beating.
    She kept on accepting to forgive him for over 12 years until he beat her brutally one day and she fainted and was rushed to the EKO Hospital in Ikeja.

    Every mental or physical abuse starts with a lie.

    Once he or she lies to you, beware of him or her.

    Never ever trust anyone who lies to you.

    Beware of conceit and deceit in every relatioship in life.

    Find out why and how the previous relationships ended.

    Do not believe whatever he tells you until you find out the truth.

    Love is not by force.

  3. 'do not look at another person's green grass to measure how green your own would be' in other words do not envy anyone.

    good to know you are honest about wanting to be in a relationship.

    about abusive relationships. stay clear sis you don't need that drama

  4. God bless you mama... you're out of it now... and thats' what counts.. you know what to do.. what not to do... life is a learning experience.. theres no point beating urself up over or dwelling on spoilt milk...

  5. I had never heard of the poem but I've certainly seen or heard of real life stories like it, stories of people who I look at and think have the best perfect lives without always stopping and thinking "at what cost?", because often there is a cost.

    I no longer spend time envying others. Admiring, sure, but no envy for me o! I'm happy with my lot in life.

    (though a boyfriend would be long as he's a good one...boy did that link you post bring the message home in that respect!)

  6. That story is sooo in...its true..all that glitters isnt gold!

  7. oh my goodness that richard cory poem hust brought memories flooding back...once upon a time i could say that poem by heart, cos i read it for literature and it made som much sense.

    i want a man in my life too..thats why i'm doing a personal public offer, wanna jion the band wagon?

    the best thing about an abusive relationship is that you can get out of it and move on. staying behind and taking the crap is whats pathetic...

  8. wow, sting...u've learnt some pretty deep important lessons in ur lifetime.

  9. wow,its true, all that glitters is not gold or however does it go, ive personally experienced that..

    and why dont you go for your crush, go ahead and tell him you like him..if a girl did that ild be impressed..

  10. Good for you for being open and honest with yourself. I admire that. Most people associate wanting to be with someone, finding love or admitting to looking with weakness. That irritates the heck outta me.
    Nice Blog.

  11. damn, i just knoew it was this poem u were talking abt

    brought back fond memories of secondary sch

    ok, let me go read d post to its fullness

  12. i don't know y ladies feel bad abt admitting dat they need a man? why? is it d feminist movement dat insists dat women r just fine by demselves?? i think daz just bulls! sure, i can take care of myself, but it's also nice 2 b taken care of by another person. my dear, aint no shame there

    sometimes, u need 2 desire something in other to get it. wish u luck

  13. as 4 abusive rship, u r not alone there, love. i've been there too. no, it ddnt get physically abusive, but i tell u d emotional abuse is worse & can leave u permanently scarred after d bruises have healed

    @ least u got out. some unfortunately ladies could never get d courage 2. some went ahead & married d men who do these 2 dem. some died in d hands of those men

  14. It's a complex subject. But I'll say it's important to support women as they get through the experience. I can understand how it happens, tends to be a gradual thing, the psychological process of creating a victim, making them seek your approval for everything or putting someone down constantly until they feel like nothing. Then the abuser gains total control.

    As for me, I've picked out some wrong un's in my life but not the abusive ones. I'll probably teach him a lesson he'll never forget if a man lays his hands on me or tries any oppressive tactics. What I'll do to him is not printable on the internet. Not funny. But true.

  15. On a very sad note, I once worked with a lady who was married to an affluent naija guy from Port-Harcourt. He'd lock her up for months and beat her. 20 years later this vibrant intelligent woman is still mentally ill - a shadow of her former self. The abuse ruined her life and stopped her being the bright, innovative, creative and successful woman she could have been. It makes me angry.

  16. girl..i so feel u on the wanting a boyfriend thing, as in i have the biggest crush on this dude too..and i cant do anything about it..dont ask me why!
    its always nice to have that someone else u can relate to...


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