tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post2480918185614300219..comments2024-03-27T04:57:55.991-05:00Comments on Nigerian Scorpio.Com: The M wordNaijaScorpiohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15375583469985472050noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-67922872027071610132008-04-03T05:21:00.000-05:002008-04-03T05:21:00.000-05:00You have spoken well. I also come from a dysfuncti...You have spoken well. I also come from a dysfunctional family and trust me; marriage scarred the hell out of me; until I met my man. I checked him against the fundamental criteria of a solid married life and he did considerably well. Parents are usually never good role models; even my beautiful mum is not my role model of the wife and mother I want to be. You have to be realistic and optimistic about your future. Be ready to compromise and accept that you are not perfect, infact you are with as much flaws as your partner/b/friend or husband.<BR/><BR/>Never rush into marriage; don’t let anyone pressurise you into getting married. Most importantly, please pray for God's guidance.<BR/><BR/>I have been married for one year and I can assure that it is not easy, it a bag full of compromises; but comes with a lot of joy!Aspiring nigerian womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02387226414788110746noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-30534354634237345402008-03-30T09:58:00.000-05:002008-03-30T09:58:00.000-05:00wow. i really loved the depth and honesty of ur po...wow. i really loved the depth and honesty of ur post. a good majority of us grew in "not so functional" households as well. <BR/><BR/>here is my 2 cents - <BR/><BR/><I><BR/>Dont let ur parents marriage be a palette for urs. Choose to see things differently. pray against any repetition in ur married life<BR/><BR/>Be patient. Dont rush. I cant stress that enough. people fall in love with the idea of being married and forget the work it takes to be happily and successfully married. <BR/><BR/>Dont ever sell urself short. if there is something about the guy u know u cant live with. DONT COMPROMISE on it. <BR/><BR/>Chose someone who wants same the solid and happy marriage u desire. And is ready to work hard to achieve. <BR/><BR/>Lastly and most important, pray sincerely for God to allow the right man to walk into ur life!<BR/><BR/></I><BR/><BR/>this comment long o. pele!Simi Speakshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07312770497507811089noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-17613512540882634022008-03-29T21:02:00.000-05:002008-03-29T21:02:00.000-05:00Very honest and true. Recently, a friend of mine s...Very honest and true. Recently, a friend of mine sent a text saying something to this effect "ada's wedding is in may, stella's was in december, bukky is getting married in June, when is your own date?" hehehehehehehhee. It was too funny. How the hell does Ada, Bukky and Stella affect my life? <BR/><BR/>We can not keep hiding behind "traditional or cultural" reasons as our basis for getting married. It seems people would rather get married early and divorce than wait for the right man and stay together.<BR/><BR/>However, I believe if you give a man time, he will eventually reveal himself to you. When people say the men changed after they got married, I wonder how long the courtship lasted before they decided to get married...6 months? how u wan take know person to the extent say u go swear to live forever and ever? abeg, women should get real jare. All these wuru wuru dating no dey help them at all, especially in dat country. <BR/><BR/>Anyway, take your time dear. Let the dogs come and go. Eventually, the right man will come along if you are patient...just don't give up. There are great love stories as well, I saw that in my own home and i guess thats why I know it exists and thats what I want.<BR/><BR/>take care, and thanks for being honest and real!Waffarianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06039619178621668954noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-12128951288651415372008-03-28T13:48:00.000-05:002008-03-28T13:48:00.000-05:00those three things scare me tooas for marriage. i ...those three things scare me too<BR/>as for marriage. i dont think of itEvehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14920200672709344039noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-20684796085390690382008-03-28T03:24:00.000-05:002008-03-28T03:24:00.000-05:00mehn i was just talking to my girls abt it..i'm so...mehn i was just talking to my girls abt it..i'm so disillusioned by the institution of marriage!! that said i want the wedding and not the marriage!! i will not let some idiot specie named 'man' destroy my big day!!!!Tinuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16815233454727876389noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-77996724276258470452008-03-28T00:04:00.000-05:002008-03-28T00:04:00.000-05:00i feel u gal, that ish scares the crap out me too,...i feel u gal, that ish scares the crap out me too, and not even getting any younger.soupasexyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02303409157614423271noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-35149426024901134402008-03-27T12:13:00.000-05:002008-03-27T12:13:00.000-05:00I do understand how you feel. I used to feel like ...I do understand how you feel. I used to feel like that before I got married. I didn't want any man forcing a lifetime of macho-misery on my already fragile psyche. So I waited a long time to find Mr Right. Now... several years later, I'd like to think I've found him. <BR/><BR/>My Advice: Keep an open mind but above all trust your instincts. Having the same values, goals and outlook on life are essential ingredients. I say that based on own negative past experiences. 'Love' is not enough. <BR/><BR/>The most important rule for a successful union(and my mum agrees): find a man that's more into you than you're into him. He must love you that little bit more. But don't marry someone you don't love o. That na matrimonial suicide! 'Hope this helps. Good Luck.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09467664797856391600noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-4847951321833921482008-03-27T10:17:00.000-05:002008-03-27T10:17:00.000-05:00im sooooo feelin this posti dont have any true lif...im sooooo feelin this post<BR/>i dont have any true life examples of solid relationships in my life either<BR/>and honestly im terrified of marriagedejanaehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07052082904553497262noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-43423650002836549202008-03-27T07:59:00.000-05:002008-03-27T07:59:00.000-05:00Long, long long post...but very honest and true......Long, long long post...but very honest and true.....<BR/><BR/>Marriage scares the hell out of me as well, sometimes I think that is why I am still single...I grew up with my dad coming home at 6pm every evening and disciplining the hell out of us...And yes, the fact that so many married ppl in Nigeria are unhappy also goes a long way in discouraging one...Afrobabehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01418456633732918114noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-39256438875093743462008-03-27T06:24:00.000-05:002008-03-27T06:24:00.000-05:00wow, thats a first for me. marrage is like the ult...wow, thats a first for me. marrage is like the ultimate goal for me, im still in my teens, but i cant wait.<BR/><BR/>i dont like plan the wedding in my head, but its someting i definatly look forward to, <BR/><BR/>u gt a nice blogAkaniZZlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16316087381167551109noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-12751158331196802442008-03-27T02:55:00.000-05:002008-03-27T02:55:00.000-05:00may be u shuld look at it this way,you find true l...may be u shuld look at it this way,<BR/><BR/>you find true love and dont want to ever let it go so u agree to remain together in the way of marriage,<BR/><BR/>belive me marriage is not this bad, get married for luv and nothing else, ur parents were a peculiar case and is not wat obatins generally, <BR/><BR/>my uncle and his wife did their 50years anniversary and till today calls themselves...DEARMs. emmotionshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10258010937000796150noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-51806389251678117182008-03-26T19:37:00.000-05:002008-03-26T19:37:00.000-05:00Marriage is not beans. I have a picture of what i ...Marriage is not beans. I have a picture of what i want mine to look like, but reality can be a sick twisted F**k who likes to scramble the dreams of those that embraces it... but hey, reality plays the genie and grant wishes too. *wink*UnNaked Soulhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03192342200790273568noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-1309068894593363022008-03-26T17:28:00.000-05:002008-03-26T17:28:00.000-05:00I'm with solomsydelle on this one. I like ur hones...I'm with solomsydelle on this one. I like ur honesty though...........u can't make a decision 4 urslef based on the xperiences of others, wut happened to tom may not happen to dick, it may happen to harry also, but that still doesn't mean its bound to happen to dick.<BR/>I've seen marriages of 40 yrs that r doing well till date. So sweets just pray for ur Mr Right and believe in God to make things right for you.desperate ladyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13429718846156605277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-11597988473731350232008-03-26T15:52:00.000-05:002008-03-26T15:52:00.000-05:00I understand where ur coming from and the source o...I understand where ur coming from and the source of ur fear. You have echoed the thoughts of soo many people. When the time is right, and with doses of efforts and God's grace, your story could very well be different from that of your parents.Nigerian Drama Queenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05571464276621601553noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-42266328582843268352008-03-25T12:47:00.000-05:002008-03-25T12:47:00.000-05:00Hmmm, so much insightful thots. A coin 'thas been ...Hmmm, so much insightful thots. <BR/><BR/>A coin 'thas been confirmed (undisputed) has 2 sides. That tell me, every situation's got the other side.<BR/><BR/>For an instance (even if it means conjuring it) let's take a walk to the other side. <BR/>"I know a lot of women go through the same thing ..."<BR/>This tells me something though, that not all women go through same. So, let's find a couple of these other women and study their husbands. What thinks thee?<BR/><BR/>"...he would say "excuse me, sir",..." that's really funny. <BR/><BR/>I love this post and you sumed it up excellently...<BR/>"I think the worst thing would be to be married to someone who doesn't care about working on the marriage" <BR/>...in essence, (while 'tis not a complusion to marry) it behooves us individually to work at our marriages (& really any endeavour).<BR/><BR/>An excellent post.rethotshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09863776336604295843noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-37567957164156195942008-03-25T07:37:00.000-05:002008-03-25T07:37:00.000-05:00Oh god, im feeling you in this post. So many women...Oh god, im feeling you in this post. So many women sentencing themselves to messed up marriages, its sad. At the same time, I've seen marriages based upon mutual love and respect, so i know its not a lost cause. its who we choose for a partner.<BR/>Many people also rush into mariage as a result of fear of being alone, or old or something. I believe marriage isnt about you, me and everybody, so if it takes me another TEN years to find that man that would treat me right so be it. Dont cave into pressure m'dear, the wait's always worth it.onydchichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02459970153935215583noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-43188511141028161632008-03-25T04:31:00.000-05:002008-03-25T04:31:00.000-05:00i dont think marriage is a trap of sorrow. am not ...i dont think marriage is a trap of sorrow. am not married but i have seen a lot of good cases and a lot of bad cases but i prefer to dwell on the good cases.<BR/><BR/>To have an optimistic approach and not a pessimistic one. You could try that....cuz everything is possible if only ucan believedoll (retired blogger)https://www.blogger.com/profile/04617294319074603189noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-39117006170181207752008-03-24T16:32:00.000-05:002008-03-24T16:32:00.000-05:00you know this post really made me think about my f...you know this post really made me think about my feelings regarding marriage. I have been talking to my brothers trying to understand why i have to get married and they just never make sense. Something about me being a woman and not being attractive at a certain age and biological clock,but no one ever says anything about love and committment, that is just not important. Being part of a polygamous and dysfunctional family surrounded by brothers who don't know the meaning of the word faithful or loyal has made me very cynical about marriage. All this headache is so unnecessary, why bother in the first place. But to be honest it is not that i have a problem getting married, i just have a problem getting married for the wrong reasons.<BR/><BR/>Anyway, my dad decided to drop in the "m" word in conversation today as i told him my future plans(bear in mind i never even mentioned marriage... i am too young). Apparently, he is not saying i shuld "chase marriage" but i should think about it. <BR/><BR/>and my response was to laugh.beautiful soulhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06732833498211089814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-60098796668225334892008-03-24T13:20:00.000-05:002008-03-24T13:20:00.000-05:00I cannot begin to imagine the things that are goin...I cannot begin to imagine the things that are going through ur mind right now, concerning marriage.<BR/><BR/>The most assuring thing I can say to you though is that the reason I believe there is "good" out there is that I have role models. Marriages of whom I look up to. I may not be within the confines of their bedroom, yet I see happiness on the expressions of their faces. <BR/><BR/>And in saying that, yes the <I><B>BAD</I></B> may even be the predominant force in the society, yet I can boldly say that "good" still exists (and in the most unlikely places too)...and I can tell u right now that as long as u have faith in God...you WILL find a good man for urself. What u've been through in the past cannot be erased of course, but ur <I>not-so-distant</I> future can still be painted on a white wall...<BR/><BR/>Abt the fact that 80% of married men are seen in clubs, asking other women out...this is really sad...Jennifer A.https://www.blogger.com/profile/06618639466963813761noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-59236118605994340032008-03-24T13:11:00.000-05:002008-03-24T13:11:00.000-05:00Well from what I've read here, I completely unders...Well from what I've read here, I completely understand why you're not racing down the aisle, or planning your wedding in your head. I think you have been raised amazingly well by your mom and because of your experiences personally and the things you've witnessed, you will make the right choice <STRONG>for you</STRONG> when the time comes (whether that is marriage or not).<BR/><BR/>I have had the opposite experience and exposure to marriage, from my parents to my (mostly oyinbo) friends here in North America so instead of avoiding the institution of marriage, I see what I'm missing out on. I don't have any examples of good Naija marriages (of people my age) to observe, so perhaps I should be more wary of what I could potentially be getting into.<BR/><BR/>Thanks for sharing your insight so candidly.<BR/><BR/><BR/><A HREF="http://goodnaijagirl.wordpress.com" REL="nofollow">Good Naija Girl</A>Good Naija Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06838927171703231554noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-41361735949615386432008-03-24T10:12:00.000-05:002008-03-24T10:12:00.000-05:00It is such a shame that so many Nigerians of my ge...It is such a shame that so many Nigerians of my generation feel this way about marriage and have very little faith in the institution. I blame our mothers. They did not put their feet down to stop the disrespect and abuse received from their men, and instead created a generation of young women, who are either afraid to get married, or get married without love, understanding and expecting their mate to eventually be disloyal.<BR/><BR/>When I tried to talk about this, I got attacked, because apparently I was trying to push Western ideals down Nigerians throats. When did it become 'Western' to treat people with respect? Na wa oh. Anyway, I respect you for being so honest and enlightening me with this post. And, I want to say that your hesitance is not a bad thing, but, remember, you do not have to make the same mistakes your parents did. If you ask, God will indeed grant you a partner that will respect and cherish you. It is possible. Do take care, and I'll swing by to check up on you.<BR/><BR/><BR/><A HREF="http://www.nigeriancuriosity.com" REL="nofollow">NIGERIAN CURIOSITY</A><BR/><A HREF="http://www.solomonsydelle.com" REL="nofollow">IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER WHEN I ONLY HAD ONE...</A>SOLOMONSYDELLEhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17564768670896215900noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-30254686701948173392008-03-24T05:39:00.000-05:002008-03-24T05:39:00.000-05:00Mehn, thats some deep post right there. I guess as...Mehn, thats some deep post right there. I guess as we get older, the thought of marriage gets overwhelming and believe me, you're not the only one that doesnt think about colours or music for their wedding day. I think there are more major things at hand than planning a wedding that's yet to come.NaijaBabehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15047508513628654957noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-90825441994135183122008-03-23T21:36:00.000-05:002008-03-23T21:36:00.000-05:00Sting,Looks like deja vu to me. I'm actually writ...Sting,<BR/><BR/>Looks like deja vu to me. I'm actually writing an article like this one (I have toooo many unfinished articles). I'll make sure I let you know when I'm done.Vera Ezimorahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06387648478708776748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-433901738314588832008-03-23T01:25:00.000-05:002008-03-23T01:25:00.000-05:00Well only you will know if you are ever ready to g...Well only you will know if you are ever ready to get married, no one can force you. Since i turned 25 my mother has been lamenting that my mates are getting married, my mates have kids. My mother actually told me she can see her grandchildren. Even husband i dont have, na grandchildren you dey see? That one still baffles me up till today. My mom has tried everything makes me go to single seminars, attend singles service at church. <BR/>And you are right as you get older you views on marriage may change, hell when i was 23/24 i taught i was the shit, marriage no be me and you; couldnt even imagine being in a long term relationship. what a difference just a year makes if the right man comes along Im open to it.dat 1 okrika babehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15622389807732581161noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2560444965847331936.post-13089150847490617562008-03-22T21:41:00.000-05:002008-03-22T21:41:00.000-05:00Highly impressed by your thoughts. I must say you...Highly impressed by your thoughts. I must say you're the first to voice what so many of us have thought.YankeeNaijahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04949983781255650256noreply@blogger.com