The Smile of a Nigerian Scorpio

Shit medical students say

2012-01-27T23:05:00.000-06:00

This made me laugh....shits and giggles. Very familiar. I've said some of these things. I'm so tired! I can relate to the brokery. Hereditary Nonpolyposis Colorectal cancer(Sounds like a big word/phrase, but it's really not). Someone explain something and you say oooooo, i get it and then the next second, 'wait, what did u just say". "I feel so dumb" That's another one. LOL. One of my friends is such a self-diagnoser. One day he has angina, the next day it's something else. Meanwhile, dude is perfectly fine. I'm the" i hate med school" girl.

Gunner! Yep! You hear that a lot. It's like it's a sin to be a gunner. lol. "I haven't even started studying for this block". You hear that too, but that's just a big fat lie.

I was watching this with my friend and we almost died laughing after he said "Do you have sex with men, women or both". I have had to ask that to a standardized patient. My friend said he refused to do that and asked "how's your sex life instead". I stuck with the script and it was hella awkward especially since it was supposed to be a married man. You hear "do you think this is going to be on the test" or "do you think we should know this" all the freaking time. I ask that too and get asked. I wish i knew what was going to be on the test. Calling home to say you just know you bombed a test. True!

THIS! This video is the gospel. I don't even know which one to pick out.

Ah! I really need to go study. I haven't studied since 4pm today. I'm so tired though!!! :)

*Who is a Gunner?

Question

2012-01-26T19:31:00.000-06:00

Am i wrong for thinking people who do something wrong ought to be punished? For example you do something to me (something major), why should i have to wait for Karma? Karma is slow. Why can't i just give you what u deserve right now? Why should i turn the other cheek and take the high road? Is there a prize for that? I'm just saying. I like swift justice. It makes me feel better.

Waiting for Prince Charming

2012-01-25T21:45:00.001-06:00

I think it's really interesting how we subconsciously assimilate and buy into stuff without being aware of it. We are just clueless sponges sometimes primed to follow a script we have no clue we are following. I had a dream the other day and i woke up smiling. I will spare you the details of that dream because it's really not pertinent to this story. However, it made me stop and think. I told my friend later that evening, that i feel like I'm going to end up getting married to someone i already know. This might not make sense to you so let me explain.

I have guys who have liked me and asked me out for years but i have put them comfortably in the friend zone, because that's what we started out as or in some cases that's what we settled into for various reasons. For some of these guys, there is absolutely nothing wrong with them. Of course, there are always those I'm not attracted to but that's not always the case. While these guys are jumping through hoops to be with me, i pay them no attention and focus instead on the unknown prince charming. The one i have been subconsciously primed to wait for. I don't know when he'll get here, but i know he'll get here. Like one of my friends will say, he's coming. It's just that he's mates are taking airplane while he decided to walk. LOL. She's a silly goose.

So of course, in my search for this elusive Prince charming, i meet all these useless guys who add nothing but drama to my life while ignoring the people who are waiting and who i know will treat me like a princess (very cliche but true). Remember last year before my birthday when i said i wanted flowers but didn't think i was going to get them? Well, a day before my birthday i said that to one of such guys and the next day i got flowers and we don't live in the same state. Mind you his birthday is a day before mine and i didn't even get him a card. Meanwhile the person i would have wanted flowers from FORGOT my birthday!!! Then picked a fight with me over some bullshit on my birthday which he FORGOT!. *gasps*

It's really ironic how at the same time i can have one guy be acting anyhow and another who would do back flips if i paid him a tiny bit of attention. Big difference between both guys is, one i just met and the other, I've always known. Guess who I'm paying attention to? My friend asked me why i didn't want to date this one guy (not the flower sender) who really likes me and in fact has told me, he has always loved me (see groove) and i told her i didn't know. I honestly didn't know at the time. There's nothing wrong with him. He's good looking, great potential (*cough), we are very good friends (which I've always wanted in a partner), and I find him attractive. So why didn't i want him? I finally figured it out. It just clicked after i had that dream.

I want the fairy tale. Do you know how many romance novels I've read in my life? If i said 2000, i would not be exaggerating. I promise you that. I've been following a script of how things should work out. In my mind, I'm supposed to meet someone new, get all excited and giddy, fall in love, go through the exciting honeymoon period and all of that before settling down with the person. This guy did not fit the script. I didn't just meet him. I've known him for over 10 years, and we are very good friends. With him there would be no giddy, exciting period, no newness, no unknown (well, there are always unknowns when dealing with people), because we are already comfortable with each other. Therefore in my eyes he wasn't eligible even though some other chic would find him very eligible.

Then it occurred to me that i might be waiting for Prince Charming while my King is right in front of me. I'm not referring to this guy in particular but the idea of going out to look for something that you already have.

Which leads me to my next topic....... when do you stop pussyfooting around and think with your head (:

*I'll save that post for another time. I have a headache and i really should be sleeping but i can never sleep the day I'm done with exams. It makes no sense but it's a curse i have to deal with. The time my body needs sleep most is when i can't sleep so i stay up feeling crappy.

*In case you are wondering, I'm officially off the mens for now. This semester is hell on steroids and i need to focus because my life depends on this. I've told them they can wait, if they can't that's fine too. As my father will say, there will always be guys.

*This post is specially dedicated to Unveilinggold who said she wanted to read my old personal posts. I never talk about (my) relationships anymore but i thought this was worth sharing. Who knows it might open someones eyes. *wink, wink* Just make sure you come back and thank me :)

By the Way

2012-01-25T13:51:00.001-06:00

This should have been a part of my previous post but book and stress no let me see road.

*Attention, Attention, At ease*

!Announcement!

I have decided to pull a Diddy on you guys and channel the first lady of the Federal Republic of Nigeria

Henceforth, i would like to be addressed as Dame Sting.

I don't feel like being a Madame this year :)

The choices were between, Dame, Auntie or Inspector lol! I like the sound of Inspector Sting. Maybe next year.

* You always have the option of just calling me Sting, which some of you rascals do anyway.

Also, in celebration of my 5th blogoversary, and because of my booski Ginger, I will now allow anonymous comments until further notice.

You people should help me ask her what anonymous comment she really wanted to leave yesterday. lol. Naughty girl.

So yeah, let's see how that goes ;)

Ginger, to answer your question about how my blogging has changed in the last 5 years....I used to blog about very personal stuff (Hey! I won best personal blogger in 2010), but i'm no longer anonymous so i have left all my drama for my friends in real life to be tortured with.

*I love the new reply feature blogger now has but unfortunately i have seriously tweaked the HTML of this blog template, it can't have the feature and i don't have time to fix it. I think it's a great feature and it would encourage people like me to reply comments.
Oh well!

5 years don waka, we still dey carry go!

2012-01-23T19:49:00.000-06:00

*Exactly 5 years ago today, i became a blogger*

Pop champagne!

Not!!!

I have exams....Sigh :(

"Fun" stuff

2012-01-20T22:05:00.001-06:00

I just had to say this, mostly for the sake of posterity. I had my first experience doing a male exam yesterday. What that means in simple english is you exam a guy's penis and scrotum (plus prostate too but we did that on dummies). It was an awkward, weird experience especially since we had to talk to them about what we were doing! I felt like my hand was burning afterwards because we still had to stay there while the rest of us examined the patient (it was 4 at a time, there were multiple other patients in other rooms).

I can imagine it was uncomfortable for the standardized patient because his penis shrunk seriously....lol. I'm sorry. It wasn't funny at the time and i was very uncomfortable. The girl who went before me, her hand was literally shaking. lol. I can imagine how the guys felt. My silly friend who went a couple of days before me told me she was suppressing giggles (i wonder why because i didn't find the situation funny at all, i wanted to bolt out of there). Then she was like, what was i supposed to do, i mean, what do you do with a penis and i answered her with a straight face, "well, it depends on where you are and why you are holding the penis in the first place" lol.. She is such a dork.

Next week, we get to do female exams. We practiced on dummies this week. IF u have been reading my blog for a while, you will recall that i was unceremoniously initiated into doing pelvic exams last year by my clinical mentor. It's going to be a lot of fun watching the guys squirm. I'm still not looking forward to it at all. That speculum scares me in real life.

*There is this awesome study app called Pomlite life. It uses the pomodromo technique, where u study for a certain amount of time, then u get a short break, then after a number of pomodromos you get a long break. I set mine to get a 5 min break every 40 minutes, then after the 4th pomodromo i get a 20 minute break (most of the time i skip at least two 5 minute breaks because my attention span is good for a couple of hours, i really don't need a break every 40 mins but the app won't let me do longer than 40 minutes at a time without a break. It's really helped me stay focused and track how much time i spend studying or how much time i've spent of a particular topic. So far i've spent 13.3hours since the day started just learning 30 drugs and i still have 26 more to go. Love the app sha. Student readers of this blog, take note.

** I'm about to pull a Diddy on you guys and channel the first lady. Watch this space :))

Half a million dollars on her wedding

2012-01-18T19:52:00.000-06:00

The daughter of former adviser to GEJ on petroleum matters.. Dr. Egbogah...

My father should have gone into politics!!!!

P.S. With all that money she couldn't fix her hair? Anyway, let me go and face the one that concerns me.

Thanks Neka for the link to the 2nd video. I'm still wondering why no one told her to change that hair to something more flattering on her.
For more amebo work click HERE

Family

2012-01-13T15:02:00.004-06:00

Awww.....my brother just told me i'm an inspiration to him. *sniff* Brought tears to my eyes. This is after i called him for a pep talk. He is in Pharmacy school and I am SO proud of him. Not just because he is in Pharmacy school. He's a good kid. My mom was blessed with a pretty awesome son.

I've had a rough 24 hours plus i think i'm hormonal to boot. My father did something that touched my heart this morning. I have so much love and support from my family, i can't even feel sorry for myself sometimes. You know how u get into a "woe is me" mode and you just want to feel sorry for yourself and feel like no one cares about you? Well, i don't have the luxury of indulging in that kind of self-pity (for too long) because even as i start to feel like i'm all alone and no one cares, i realise what a blatant lie that is and how much my family supports and cares about me. It's like we are all in med school together, the highs and lows, fear of bad grades, actual bad grades, good grades, sighs of relief, we all experience it together. I love them so much. It seems like as i get older and friends fall by the way side, i have drawn closer to my family. Thank God for sisters.

I am blessed and i remain thankful.

This semester is shaping up to be something special and it is already mentally taxing. I'm trying to figure a lot of things out with boards at the forefront of my mind. I'm worried/scared/apprehensive. I sent a ridiculously high goal and i figured even if i fall short, i will still be very comfortable. I've gotten good advice from people, now i have to find time to implement it along with studying for school. It's going to be tough. I just have to be tougher.

Blogging will most likely take a back seat. Just a heads up in case that ends up happening. This is my life and i have to be serious with it for the next 6 months. After that, i can play with u guys again ;)

Send prayers and positive thoughts my way. I will definitely be needing it.

Nigerian Parents

2012-01-12T07:50:00.000-06:00

Youtube is going crazy with the shit xyz says videos. These two cracked me up.

Hair Pressure

2012-01-10T17:02:00.002-06:00

My immediate older sister is going natural - 90% transitioned
My immediate younger sister just decided to go natural

My hair line has gone AWOL

Talk about pressure!!!

What is going on?

Universe, did i do something wrong?

*So my younger sister texts me today that she's going green and i responded by asking her how and what does she mean. Apparently, that's what they now call going natural. (I don't know who they is, i just said it). She still hasn't told me why she decided to go natural because this is so sudden. I cannot imagine her with natural hair and i know she doesn't like stress so we shall see. I really don't think going natural is a cake walk, you have to be mentally ready for it. I can't fit for that kind of wahala right now. Mba.

**But there's a tiny part of me that wishes it were easier so i could do it.

In the interest of full disclosure i actually was natural from the 2003-2005 but i didn't think of it as "natural". My hair fell out after i came to this country as a result of braiding right after i got a perm in preparation for leaving Nigeria. I took the braids out Dec 2002 and all my hair had fallen out. It was short. So for the next three years i got braids constantly and did not get a perm. The natural hair movement hadn't started back then. I'm sure if it had i would have hung in there and never gotten another perm :( Oh well.

Occupy Naija and Facebook Tings

2012-01-09T08:30:00.000-06:00

Foxy P from the African Today Show makes a lot of sense in this video. I have nothing more to add. Please watch.

I haven't been on Facebook for a while. I find it to be such a huge distraction when I'm in school. I went back towards the end of the break and since I've been back in school i have left and gone back several times (boredom). I finally made the decision to leave permanently (or until this semester is over) when i signed in this morning and was greeted with a picture of a dead body with bright red blood all over his lower half. His pants had been pulled down on his thighs and his crotch was exposed. I don't know why. From the comments it seems like it was an occupy naija protester (?). I'm not sure but that is what the comments suggest.

It seems like Nigerians have no regard for the dead. What if i was a family member who had no clue about the death, so that's how i will sign in on Facebook and be shocked. I can't handle all of that. I need some sort of warning before i look at dead people. Most times on Linda Ikeji's blog i don't even proceed beyond the warning. I can do without those images in my head. Facebook is turning into something else.

Milk Lovin'

2012-01-06T20:29:00.002-06:00

or should i say milk madness

I know...i'm crazy but unlike regular milk, it doesn't go bad after a week (?). These are good until Feb and by then it would have been consumed. I have no clue how long regular milk lasts because the last time i bought or drank it was 2004. For the uninformed, this is Very Vanilla soymilk and you can always bet your last dollar that you will find at least one in my refrigerator at any given time, ALWAYS. It has to be Very Vanilla, Vanilla doesn't cut it. I buy a lot because i don't have time to go to the grocery store every week and not every store carries this flavor. Actually there's a grocery store close to school that carries it but they area almost $2 more than walmart. 'Yay for Walmart even though it's a good 15-20 minutes away.

Yes, u just read a blog post about milk. SMH. Please forgive me.

I am having some serious myalgia (haha! I sound smart. Hey! can i at least act like i'm learning something) thanks to this stupid flu. I have 3 more pathology lectures to listen to and 2 pharm lectures before i'm caught up, then i have to start learning them. I'm going to try to finish listening to the lectures tonight even though i feel like death and my eyes are blood shot (i wonder why the blood shot eyes).

I was made to realize that my picture in my previous post pretty much showed my whole face so i edited it accordingly. So you guys pretty much know or have a good idea what i look like, abi? Okay, back to pretending to be 100% anonymous.

*In case you were wondering what i do with all that milk

I wash my face with it - very good moisturizer
I brush with it- you know milk has calcium and is good for your teeth
I pray with it, just the way you use holy water or anointed oil

LOL... Nah! It just for oatmeal grubbing baby! It used to be oatmeal and Kelloggs Cornflakes but i no longer eat cereal (at least not with any regularity).

Instead of Studying.....

2012-01-05T19:22:00.000-06:00

It's confirmed......being in school definitely brings my mood from 10 to 2, which explains A LOT! I'm two days behind cos i missed Tuesday and Wednesday lectures. Been trying to study but i'm sick so i'm feeling kinda crappy. I should have picked up some medication on my way back from school today. Besides being sick, i don't want to study but i realise i have no choice in the matter. My not wanting to study = a blog post for you guys, so be happy.

You people should help me see what cornrows did to my hair line. Instant receding hairline incorporated. I no see mouth take talk


Before touch up

After touch up

I didn't have the greatest hair line to begin with but it was more on my right side, not this atrocity. I have NEVER seen my hair line this bad, EVER! But then again, the last time i did cornrows was 2005. I hardly braid my hair either, the last time was 2009 and before then, maybe once the previous year. I usually wear my natural permed hair. I don't do weaves either. I have had one episode of a sew-in, in the last 9 + years and that was in 2006. That disaster lasted for all of 5 days before i ran back to the lady and paid her to take it off then still paid her to wash and style my hair. I didn't care i had paid $150 to get the sew-in, i just wanted it out.
It actually looked good, but i was uncomfortable with it. I didn't feel like myself, i could have gotten used to it, but my scalp itched and i couldn't get to it to scratch it properly. It was horrible. On top of that, i felt like something was on top of my head the whole time, it was very weird and uncomfortable. Totally hated the weave experience. I don't know how you girls do it, i need to be able to scratch my head when it itches. The itching sef was on a kentro level. Nah! Definitely not for me.

Thank Jehovah i wear my hair down. My handicap would have been exposed for the world to see.

I just respected myself after i got my touch up and went to the beauty supply store to get hair products. The only reason i got cornrows (twice back to back) was because of laziness. I didn't want to bother myself with my hair. To be honest, my hair is very low maintenance, all i do is wrap every night and comb out in the morning. I had some serious breakage in the back last winter but i realise now (after doing some research), i need to moisturize and seal in the moisture daily.

The moisturizer in the white container was given to my by my stylist FOC

I didn't buy the Goya olive oil. That was actually sent to my sister by her in-laws to pray with (catholic people things?) and she had no intention of using it so she let me have it for hair purposes. I also have coconut oil i got from the farmer's market but it's chilling in my refrigerator. I have some more hair products besides these but i know i only need a couple for daily use. My Olive Oil conditioner is the best i've ever used. It's not pictured, but it is great! Let's see how this goes, hopefully i get my hair line back sometime soon. No more cornrows for me ever again. They were too tight and my hair can't handle it.

Would u believe the madness that lies underneath? Took this yesterday actually :)

My spice collection is sick! Like i have time to cook, but i still love it. I have a lot of indian spices too.

List of foods i added to my "I really know how to make this" arsenal

Meat pie
Chin chin
Fried rice
Egusi
Pepper soup
Emi Aki (It's pretty much moi moi made with ripe plantains, don't know what it's called in other languages but this is what Etsako people call it)

I've always known how to make all this (except the meat pie) in theory, but you know how they say practice makes perfect? I needed validation :) My mom harasses you to be in the kitchen when she's cooking but she never lets you take charge, she likes to cook and she's a great cook but it doesn't help my cooking skills if i just stand there and watch and pass the salt. I didn't start cooking regularly until i left home for Med school and i love it and plan to be exceptional at it.

What i did on New Year's day. One of the best Chin chins i've ever had. I'm still surprised i made it. Recipe was mom's so there are no actual measurement. You know how we Nigerians do. This is the second time i made Chin chin all by myself. Made some for Christmas also.

Next soup i want to learn how to make - Ogbono soup but that would have to wait until summer. Until then, Path, Pharm and Board study calls... Urghhhh!!!!

*A food blog i really like is Kadirecipes.com (look for the link in my side bar). I really like her blog because she features recipes from all over Africa. I'm interested in learning how to cook dishes from other African countries so her blog is awesome for that purpose. She also has a youtube channel. I was pleasantly surprised to see her comment on my blog for the first time today :)

I just remembered i have some research proposal bullshit due soonish and i have no clue what i'm doing because i never read the background stuff over the break like i planned to. Wahala. Oh lord help me, i'm not ready for this.

Rewind...........

GEJ Presidential Palace Subsidy Must End: Nigerian Bloggers' Protest

2012-01-03T22:25:00.002-06:00

Goodluck Jonathan has become Badluck Jonathan. Just take a look at the budget for the President's personal food bill. Why did people think Jona was going to be different again? Dude don play naija people 419. I want to sit here and scream "enough is enough"! How many more innocent souls are going to die over this fuel subsidy business? Are our voices going to be heard or will Badluck turn into another Abacha? What was he thinking when he decided to do remove the fuel subsidy? Was he thinking? Has living in Aso Rock made him forget the reality of an average Nigerian? What is going on in Nigeria?

Let's put our voices together and hope we will be heard. Enough is enough. I am seriously getting scared for Nigeria. First we have to deal with Boko Haram, now this.

As suggested by Adura Ojo (Naijalines) here's what you can do to help.

What You can do (Everyone has a part to play)

So I am asking all Nigerian bloggers and other interested parties to join me in a Nigerian Bloggers Protest for a week starting from today or by tomorrow. To join the protest:

1. Do a similar post of your own on your blog using the title "GEJ Presidential Palace Subsidy Must End: Nigerian Bloggers' Protest"

2. Add the pic/tabled diagram in this post

3. Publish your post today or latest by tomorrow

4. Please allow for seven days on your blog or place in a prime position on your blog for seven days.

5. You can still play your part as a non-blogger: share on facebook, twitter and other relevant social media.

6. Journalists, use your media space.

*Copied from Adura's blog.

Food Haul and Cute Future Doc.

2012-01-03T21:18:00.000-06:00

The sole reason i ever check in luggage whenever i am going home is just so i can have enough space to take stuff back

Spices : Thyme (whole and ground), Curry, Ginger, Ground Onions, Basil, Indian Tikka Masala, Indian Curry Madras hot and mild, Lemon Pepper etc etc My sister asked me earlier when i was yapping about getting spices if i sold them (it wasn't a serious question). I had to remind her that last time i got a major haul of spices was 2010
*Dekalb Farmer's Market is the business

Bread: Pita Bread, Orange Cranberry Walnut Bread, Lemon Apple Walnut and Raisin Bread

Plantain Chips, Banna Chips, Chin chin (This chin chin is the best i've ever had and i made them :) and some free slim fast i converted for personal use

Cranberries - Strawberry and Cherry Flavored

Yam !!! :)

*Not pictured - Fried rice, Egusi Soup and Coconut oil currently being frozen for convenient transportation


Cute Future Doc!!! :) She's examining me, unprompted might i add.

Welcome to 2012

2012-01-01T00:00:00.000-06:00

All thanks to Jesus for seeing us through 2011, relatively unscathed. As long as there is life there is hope and as long as you never lose hope, you are good to go and can get through anything. I remain thankful for a lot of things including this blog. My life would be different if i didn't have this blog as isolating as med school tends to be. Though it may not always seem like it, i value your comments as it is sometimes the only interaction i have with fellow human beings in a day.

So i want to use this opportunity to acknowledge the people who take time to not only read my posts but also leave a comment. This list is by no means exhaustive. It's pretty much the last 140 people who have commented on my blog within the last 5 months.Thank you guys very much. I really appreciate and enjoy your comments.To my silent readers, i appreciate you too and lastly to the non-readers who use my blog to blog hop, if i catch u ehn?!!! Just kidding, that's what my blog roll is for, anything to make your blog reading life easier. I appreciate all of you guys. Muah x10

Ginger -Thanks for being the number 1 commenter. If i was a baller, you would have gotten a prize :)
9jaFOODie
miss.fab
Adede
Adura Ojo (Naijalines)
Myne Whitman
Lady Jaye
@ilola
Okeoghene
Nekky
doll
Shereen
Mwajim Al
Tega
Prism of an immigrant
MrsNdem
culturesoup
N.I.L (Naijamum in London)
Kitten
SOLOMONSYDELLE
simplegal
MISSLARA
KT
NikkiSho
MPB
nblinks
aloted
NKAYTCHEE
rhoda ebun
justjoxy
Emeka Amakeze
Ms. Yellow Sisi Unspoken
kitkatstales
mermaid2471
Naija American Girl
Etoile Oye
Bombchell
T.Notes
Coy~Introvert
Mz.T
Priscy
SwapQueen I
TecknicoleurGrl
Destiny - Yankeenaijachick + Success
Mr Nasir
Pretty Lashes
@adebsrk
okonyahouseboy
lovelife4sale
Unveilinggold
Tisha
Mena UkodoisReady
Third World Profashional
Mizchif
Ibhade
LadyNgo
A-9ja-great
DowntheAisle
RhapsodyB
TheRustGeek
NuttyJ
Sisi Yemmie
Jemima
HoneyDame
Vickii
Lara
Stella Kodi
Nonye
Ese
Ms. Buki
Segunakiode
@UcheAnne
BSNC
LohiO
Isha
Sugabelly
Mikki
My Life
Beautiful
Muse Origins
Miss Enigma
EDJ
Toinlicious
CaramelD
FeliciaShortii
MsJB
Pretty Lashes
Atoskin
Azazel
bkgirl
Uzezi
Onyi
Ms. Cookie
Omosco
Bimbylads
Bob-Ij
Chizy K
LovePaprika
Adellemaria
Afronuts
2cute4u (my darling)
P.E.T Projects
Igbomarriage
Msluffa
Yuki
Capricorndee
Ayodeji
Dammy Jewel
Lollie
Mimi B
Natural Nigerian
dayor
LusciousRon
Dosh
Deolascope
Sir Fariku
Teboy
NollywoodForever
Nolimit
Barefeet
Scarlet
Micheal Onobote
Oroque
TecknicoleurGrl
Mom Daughter Style
Amaka's Notepad
Aseni
Giagerry
Blessing
Laurenta
Gospel Girl
Neefemi
Vera Ezimora
Rebirth
Omoba Adeteju
Random One
Os
Baroque
Vyvyka
Olaoluwatomi

Also, thanks to everyone who has taken the time to follow this blog, all 249 of you :) I am humbled that you think this blog is interesting enough to want to follow it, i just come here to ramble but if you like, then i like it also :))

I'm wishing everyone a happy, prosperous, new year, filled with lots of love (in whatever form you want it ;), good health, success, peace, and blessings. May the good lord continue to keep us and grant us all our hearts desires and may we all find the purpose we have been put on this earth for and live it. More blessings.

Welcome to 2012!!!

Enjoy ;)

Cuteness

2011-12-31T11:22:00.001-06:00

My niece, her Granmama and her Terry

The essence of African motherhood

I have never seen two people as close as my niece and my mom. My niece is so attached to my mom, it is crazy. Every other word out of her mouth is, "My granmama". It's an experience whenever my mom goes to work because she spends every second asking for her. Even when my mom is home, as long as she's not within her line of vision, she starts asking for her. It's such a beautiful bond. I love it.

I've decided to stop feeling cool with myself and make new year resolutions. I can't remember the last time i made one because it's supposed to so cliche, but i want to make one this year. The good things 90% of the things on my list are things i already started working on. I don't feel the need to wait until XYZ time to start doing the things i need to do. I remember a co-worker who wanted to go on a diet, eating all kinds of crap before the day she was supposed to start. In my mind, i was like why don't you start today? I'm just going to work it in with the assignment from my therapist friend.

I wanted to end the year with a positive post, not the gloomy one from yesterday, hence this post. I also plan to put up a post tomorrow, but have no clue what it's going to be about at this point. Hope you guys are enjoying the frequent updates because i don't plan to update as frequently as i have been in the past once i go back to school. I'm trying to see if i can get on a schedule once i go back, which includes exercise instead of staring at a computer and books all day, everyday. I know exercise is great for your mental health and it might be a great addition to my life at this point.

So am i going to be the only uncool person making new year resolutions or does anyone want to do the cliche thing with me?

I'm really excited that today is the last day of the year. God is great. I'm so thankful.

Interesting read about resolutions

Eze did not Sign up for this when he went to School

2011-12-30T23:41:00.000-06:00

Med school and all thoughts of it stresses me out. I can't even freaking enjoy my holiday. I'm not loving my life right now.

I need to vent but i don't want to but i guess i will since i'm already here. I spent all day studying and texting (story for another blog). It's not necessarily hard core studying, I got uworld and i'm using it to annotate First Aid by answering the questions. After finally finishing one block of tests and going over the explanations, i realized that there's literally one day left in 2011. The year went by fast and i love it but then i started thinking of what i did with my year - school and how much of a struggle it was.

It was hard. I study so hard, yet struggle so much. I'm stressed all the time, there's no fun in my life (or not a lot), i'm surprised i don't have high blood pressure (not kidding, anytime i go to the doctor and my bp is normal, i am actually surprised), i'm miserable half the time i'm in school, i feel like we are being hazed with the volume of work we have to do in the amount of time we are given. I experienced my first anxiety attack this semester (then had a couple more for good measure), i had mini-mental breakdowns, which usually involved uncontrollable crying. I went from seeming like i had it together, to facing reality and freaking out all within a minute. Imagine sitting and studying one minute then bursting out crying like your life is about to be over the next, that my friends is what freaking out is about. Reality hits you from no where and you realise that there's no way you can read and remember over a thousand pages of micro in less then 48 hours with 1/4 of the stuff being new material you just saw for the first time less than a week ago. Finals week was hell on earth, absolute hell on earth! It was just horrible. I looked at all the work i had to do and how much time i had and knew that it wasn't humanly possible. I hated the whole semester with the constant exam writing. I really, really, really, hated it.

Next semester is going to be tougher. Welcome Pharmacology, the only exam in my school where you actually have essay style questions 15 pages long (bye bye guessing and recognition memory) with the final being cumulative and 30 pages long PLUS the almighty Step 1 which more or less determines what specialty you can match into. Stress served on a platter. My future medical career pretty much rests on this Step 1 exam. It is that big of a deal. I have no clue how i am going to find time to fit board studying with school stuff. We (being just me) have already respected ourselves and decided that i am not a genius and cannot wait until the allotted 6 weeks to start studying specifically for the boards because that would equal failure. Already from doing uworld i can see how much my test taking skills suck. Half the time i know the right answer but don't trust myself enough to pick it, over think the question then pick the wrong answer or how about picking an answer i obviously know is wrong because all the other options are completely unfamiliar to me. Isn't that unadulterated stupidity? I suffer from it. All the advice i have gotten from upperclassmen including my Dean, points to starting to study early. I actually scheduled an emergency SOS meeting with her the day before i came home. Matter was that hard.

Where am i going to find the time?

I'm worried about Pharm because i haven't heard good things about it plus i have the talent of doing poorly on one exam and having to dig myself out the rest of the semester. Hopefully that doesn't happen in Pharm but it still worries me.

In a nutshell, being in med school sucks. It's not fun at all and i don't love it or even like it. I'm sure you will find people who are having a ball and the time of their lives in med school. I personally don't know any. I feel like it's designed to suck the life, joy, fun, energy out of you and leave you depressed and miserable. Did you know that 25% of med students are depressed and Doctors have the highest suicide rate? I am not surprised. At all!!! I'm actually surprised that more med students are not suicidal. Maybe they are and they hide it very well.

Ok, this post is turning towards the dark side, so i'll just stop while i'm ahead. I needed to vent. I try not to do this a lot on this blog, just because i don't want anyone to think i'm whining and looking for sympathy because i'm actually not which is why sometimes i disable comments when i just need to vent. I chose this career path and actually worked very hard to get into med school. Getting into med school was a dream come true, believe it or not. I don't regret my decision, neither do i want to leave and do something else but at the end of the day, i am still human and body no be firewood. The last time i checked, no be me kill Jesus, so i don't see why i have to be frustrated within an inch of my life because i want to become a doctor.

*I was given an end of the year assignment by my friend who is a therapist aka my therapist friend to write the things i don't like about my life which i have control over and can change and the steps i plan to take to change them. He gave me 3 days to complete this assignment. Feel free to do it if you are interested. You don't have to share. Just a thought to pass along. I spent the whole day texting with this guy. From 8.59am to 8.16pm - 457 text messages between us. Absofreaking ridiculous because i hate texting. No, he's not a love interest or a potential anything as he is married with a baby due anytime soon, but he is a trip and a half. A trip and a half! Everyone should have a therapist as a friend.

Initiation into "womanhood"

2011-12-29T15:55:00.000-06:00

Anyone who knows me knows that i am as low maintenance as they come. When people say women take forever to get ready, i always wondered why. Now i know why. They are all amateur artists who have to paint their faces on. I've never used make-up in my entire 20 odd years on earth. The most i can do is lip gloss which is always bought for me by my sister, so i guess that goes without saying i don't have any interest in that aspect of life.

Anyway, in the interest of growth and development, i decided to try something new in my life. So me and my pseudo tomboy/non-girly make up virgin self decided to pay MAC a visit. I took my sister along as the voice of reason. The plan was to get a natural look that i can whip out if need be. I'm not crazy enough to think that i would be a daily make up wearer. I don't have that kind of time or interest. Did i already say my sister was supposed to be the voice of reason? So what usually happens is you get the make over and you have to purchase at least $50 worth of stuff. I said $50?, no problem, me and my broke self can handle that.

So the lady starts with moisturizer and primer, and i was like this is easy. Then there was cream and powder (if i recall correctly). By the time we got to the eyes, i was lost and am still lost. The end result was great. I wanted a natural look and i got a natural look.

Time: 2hrs
Cost: Way too much!!!!
Lesson learned: My sister is not the voice of reason.

I can't believe i spent that much money on makeup which i know i probably won't use or barely use. My mom was like i should stop stressing. I'm getting older and need to be presenting myself in the way i want to be addressed. Then she threw the marriage thing in there. Don't ask me how, it just landed there somehow. I say, talk true? I see your plans. The make up did not make me look prettier. I looked like myself (a different versions of myself) but with make up on and it made me look like one of my older sisters. It was eerie because i have never thought i looked like her. My sister was like, why are u so surprised, she's your sister! Duh! Ok, thank you.

The lady was nice enough to give me pointers and a drawing of what she did. She told me to go home and practice. I don't see that happening.

Overall, it was a good, expensive experience. Who knows i might end up being a girly girl before i become old and senile. I started wearing dresses last year. Ok, i only wore a dress once this year and i didn't wear a skirt at all if i'm being completely honest but at least i own them, so there's still hope for me. But seriously, it's not easy being a woman o. On top of everything else I have to do, i now have to add artist to the list. My sister cracked me up, when i asked her about how something was applied she was like "It's like painting, it shouldn't be hard for you, cos you know how to draw". Na wa!

My expensive experiment

Broken Heart II

2011-12-28T02:46:00.000-06:00

It's the end of the year again (Thank you, Jesus), time to take stock, re-group, re-charge, clean house, let go, receive, get it together and gear up for the upcoming year. I haven't done much introspection with regards to my life this year, but i plan to take time to do that because it helps me stay focused and on track for what needs to be done in the coming year. You may or may not see the result of that exercise on this blog.

This blog: My baby, outlet, sanctuary of sorts. I have had an ambivalent relationship with it for the last month, trying to decide if i want to keep doing this and how i want to do it. I struggle with how much personal information i want share. Not even necessarily very personal information, just mundane stuff that happens in my life. It's a constant struggle because i could easily write about general stuff and no one would have a clue about what's going on with me. I did that in the past, but it's so easy for me to fall back into writing about my life because this blog continues to be an outlet for me. I have 285 posts in draft from 2008 and 2009 when i took down "personal" posts because i found out more people who know me in real life had found my blog and i wasn't comfortable with them reading about my life like that. My plan was to go through the posts and put some back up but i have just been too busy and have no clue if anyone is interested in reading old posts. If you are, let me know, if not, i definitely won't bother. I hope to find a balance where i don't feel like i'm revealing too much and i can still retain the essence of this blog (whatever that is).

Anyhoodle, looking through my blog stats for the year, my most popular post of all time still remains Broken Heart and the most popular search term people use to find this site (besides various variations of my blog name and username) is broken heart, heart broken etc. I'm not sure what people are looking to find when they search for broken heart but i figured i could put something together that might be useful for someone. The original broken heart post wasn't meant to be a blog post. I liked the emo images and just wanted to blog about them but i ended up with a semi-serious post which took me all of 10 minutes to write. I don't think that post serves any purpose to someone whose heart has been broken.

I've been there and it sucks. Big time. I remember googling "how to get over a broken heart" in the past because you just want the pain to go away and you are looking for a quick fix. In the interest of full disclosure, i actually started blogging because i got my heart broken and i needed an (additional) outlet, which is why i still clearly remember the day i started blogging, January 23rd, 2007. If i remember correctly, the unceremonious dumping occurred, January 7-8th. Yes, it was a two day event :) It took me a good 6 months (no lie) to get over that guy. It was just bad! So trust me, i know what it feels like to be heart broken. Thankfully, i haven't dealt with anything as bad since then, but i do get my little feelings hurt from time to time :)

Tips to get over a broken heart

Realize that there's no short cut or quick fix and you have to go through the pain. There's no medication that will take the heart break away....well, i guess alcohol and ice-cream (not consumed together) might qualify. However, be aware that those are temporary measures with negative side effects. You might end up a fat drunk.
Having a good friend you can call and cry to at any time of the day is of great importance. It's not a good look to complain to tons of people because not everyone would be nice and understanding. You need a patient and tolerant friend who doesn't mind hearing the same thing over and over again. One who is willing to help you pull yourself together and stop you from going over to the dark side.I don't recommend friends who encourage you to do stupid stuff like slashing tires, keying cars and whatnot. You need a friend with common sense who really cares about you.
Find a distraction. This is usually in the form of another person. Find someone else to talk to. It is best not to go into a relationship with this person because more often than not, it's going to be a rebound.You have to lay all your cards on the table and let said person know that you just got out of a relationship and you are not looking for anything serious. This is not the best way to go about it, but i'm just being practical and it works.
Depending on the type of person you are, you might want a clean break from the ex. Even if you are the type of person who likes to be civil/friendly with exes, you need to stop all contact with the ex while you are still trying to get over them. Being in constant communication (which can sometimes be one-sided with you doing all the contacting) doesn't help you and only slows the healing process. Know when to stop and let go.
Accept the hard fact that you cannot force someone to love you, care about you or want to be with you. It doesn't matter how hard you try, what you try, nothing is going to make someone who doesn't want you change their mind. As hard as it is, you have to know when to walk away.
Allow yourself to cry if you want to, wallow in self pity if you want to, lay in bed and act like you are mourning if that's what helps you get through it (it's okay to mourn the loss of a relationship that meant something to you or to feel bad about being dumped because it sucks), but after a week cut that shit out and start to pull yourself together. There's no need to fall into a deep depression over someone who left you. They are probably out there living their life and you are the last thing on their mind.
Put away all the things that reminds you of the person. There's no use having a picture of the dude on your desktop or going to the same places you guys hung out. Stop torturing yourself.
Listen to TD Jakes - Let it go, over and over again if you need to. That message is simple, yet deep and it would give you the extra push you need to let go and understand that nothing just happens.
Do the things that make you happy. It will help take you mind off things and make the day go faster.
Surround yourself with people who love you and take advantage of the free hugs they are so willing to give.
Do not make the mistake of internalizing stuff. Blaming yourself for the breakup or thinking you were not good enough doesn't do you any good. Instead think of all the things that made him/her bad for you and focus on them.
Think of the break up as a blessing in disguise. You might start out lying to yourself because you still want to be in the relationship but soon you would actually start to see that you are better off without this person. It's called faking it until you make it
Know that time heals all wounds and as bad as it seems today, it's not going to last forever. You will wake up one morning and be FINE.
"Stay strong, beautiful, because things will get better. It might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever" - one of my favorite quotes of the year. It's true. It can't rain forever. The pain would pass, and you would smile and love again.

*Feel free to share what works for you
*To all my new followers, i see you. Welcome and thank you.

P.S. Goodluck Jonathan is a "weist" of space. Sorry excuse for a president. Useless man, oshi. His incompetence takes the cake. We have to deal with the bombings until it fizzles out? E don dey crase. I think of all those corpers who were killed during the elections because he won and i just shake my head.What a waste. Nigeria is in trouble.The country is being run by an idiot who likes to speak big grammar on his facebook updates but is nothing but a dead lion. God when are you going to save our country?

The season of receiving and expectations

2011-12-24T16:35:00.001-06:00

It's Christmas tomorrow. This is my favorite time of the year mostly because of all the Christmas lights and decorations people have outside their house. I love how everywhere is so festive. I have commandeered the cooking for tomorrow, mostly because i want to hone my skills. I will be making some Chin-chin, meat pies (the one from 2 days ago was a practice run), fried rice, pepper soup and ogbono soup. I'm already tired when all i've done is season the meat. LOL. In my defense, we are talking about 5 pots of meat here.

As much as i love Christmas, i haven't been able to get into the gift giving and receiving that is such a HUGE part of Christmas in America. Honestly, i am quite put off by it. I understand the origin of it, the three wise men and gifts for baby Jesus, but that's not what's going on these days. What really annoys me more than anything, are the people who after every Christmas complain about the crappy gifts they received. In my head, i'm always screaming "some people didn't get anything, you ungrateful little beast". These are usually grown people. Although, granted, if you get people really nice gifts, you would want something nice in return. Why are gifts being exchanged in the first place? It's not your birthday. Most people don't even acknowledge Jesus in all of this. It's all about what gifts you are going to receive, especially with the children. People rack up huge debts because they want to buy gifts for their kids for Christmas. Like i said, it's not their birthday so i don't get it.What am i missing here?

Growing up in Nigeria, Christmas meant new clothes and good food. By the time i was a teenager, we didn't even get Christmas clothes any more. That was for little kids. I certainly wasn't writing a Christmas list and demanding gifts on Jesus's birthday. Seeing how i would most likely be raising my kids in this place, i don't intend to partake in this exchanging of gifts for Christmas. Your birthday should suffice. I really think it's ridiculous. I guess it should be obvious by now that i don't give or receive gifts at Christmas. I got a gift on the first Christmas i spent in this country, but it wasn't exactly a positive, warm, fuzzy feeling experience for me, thanks to my step mother, the gift giver. Anyhoo, i think a friend also sent me stuff on two separate Christmases but i just thought she didn't have anything else to do with her money. I know that sounds ungrateful but i'm just being honest and i was grateful (before you people cuss me in your mind. I used to have awesome friends back in the day though, i have to give them that). I've never given anyone something for Christmas and don't plan to start that "mandatory" tradition.

Maybe I'm just a Grinch and need to get into the commercialized spirit of Christmas. It's never too late to change. Merry Christmas.

ETA
Bad Gift? UPS sees high volume of returns....My point exactly!!!!!

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

I did it!!!

2011-12-22T14:28:00.002-06:00

I was worried about the dough but it was perfect! 9/10. I was very impressed with my first attempt. It was light and flaky, exactly how i wanted. The filling was just ground turkey, red and green peppers and potatoes. Then i mashed them together. I give the filling 7/10. Next time i won't mash all the stuff together, my mom didn't love the consistency but the taste was okay.

It was good though. I'm happy. Sorry i don't have a fancy, pansy presentation.

Recipe from Spice Baby.

Oya, come!

2011-12-21T21:43:00.002-06:00

Never thought the day would come when i would have no desire to blog but that's what i'm dealing with right now. I think it's a phase (i hope it's a phase), so i'm good. I decided to blog today because there's something i learnt this semester that i would like to share. In case you guys don't know, my focus for pathways (some *%$^@ we have to do on top of the multitude of other *$@%^ we have to do for school) is HIV/AIDS awareness and prevention. It's my "thing" and have found a pretty decent mentor for it. I wish i had the peace of mind to really delve into it, but "real" school work has most of my attention and i do the barest minimum to get by. Hopefully, i get a pass (it's a pass/fail course) this semester cos i barely did anything.

Anyhoo, ladies and gentlemen if you ever find yourself in a position where u think there is a possibility you have been exposed to the HIV virus, you have 72 hours to present yourself to an ER, PCP or hospital to get post exposure prophylaxis aka PEP. 3 days!!! After which, don't bother. So God forbid a rape takes place, please don't just take a shower, and lay on your bed and cry. It is very important that you don't let that window pass because those meds are pretty efficient in preventing the infection from taking hold. It's not a 100% but the stats are pretty good, so it's definitely worth it. Just thought i'd share cos it's good information to have (i think). BTW, it doesn't have to be rape. One of the cases we had was a guy with an HIV positive partner and the condom broke, so yeah. Now u know, u can thank me later.

I think my niece has infected me with something because i suddenly have a sorethroat. I didn't get a flu shot this year even though we get it for free. Just didn't find the time to go down to the clinic and i wasn't in school the day they came by, hopefully i don't get sick. I have the cutest pictures of her with my stethoscope. One, she just has it in her ears, and the other she was actually listening to my heart. Too cute. Future doctor in the making. Can't share cos i'm not allowed to. My lovely sister just blessed me with a diagnostic kit that costs $900. We were supposed to buy one and it was included in our budget this semester, but i had no intention of spending that kind of money on that. Hell to the no! Even with it being included in our budget, i couldn't afford it o! Let's not even talk about that bootleg budget. So yeah, i got it FOC today, including the text book which i didn't buy. So hopefully, i will stop showing up for CER looking like a doofus. I will at least know how to turn on the ophthalmoscope or otoscope next time. Thank you Jesus. I shall be practicing how to do a full body exam before i leave home. I'm supposed to know how to do it by now, but i don't. Say, 99. "99, 99, 99". You should see me percussing. I didn't know what part of your finger to hit or what hand to even use. The doctor was like are you right handed? I'm such a mess. I plan on getting my act together ASAP. Incompetence is not cute.

I think i'm going off kilter. I'm no longer a normal human being (if i ever was). I caught myself talking aloud to myself again today at the store. Seriously, someone tell me what is going on? PLUS, i have been itching to study!! *gasps*. Yeah, no! Seriously! I'm finished! Who gets a break and wants to study? I just can't relax. I actually did some work today and the only reason i'm blogging is because the lighting in this room is not great for studying and i can't go downstairs to study cos of the noise. Definitely getting a table lamp tomorrow. I just want to go over all the micro in First Aid, just to make sure i consolidate stuff. I feel like the last block was too rushed and it was mostly crammed for the finals. I have boards to worry about next year and i can't wait until the last minute because unlike a lot of my classmates or other med students, i'm not a genius. lol. Ok seriously, i think med school is more about being hardworking than how innately smart you are. You can't be dumb and get into med school in the first place. U can be the smartest person on earth and still fail in med school. You have to put in the work, identify your areas of weakness and try to work on it. It has been a struggle for me and i'm still working on it. I do not have it down by any means. Far from it.

OMG! I just remembered. I saw this really good looking guy at the store today. How does it make sense that i see a cute guy and i look away and do everything possible to make sure he doesn't see me. What kind of madness is that. He sagged a little which is how my eyes were drawn to his LV belt (when he walked past me). *rolls eyes*. He's still a cutie though. It's just sad. Don't try to understand it cos i don't, either. No, not the sagging. Obviously when i stop making sense is when i know i need to end the blog.

Ok, bye!

*I managed to churn out a post for your entertainment (or maybe i just helped u waste 5 minutes of your life reading this nonsense (except the PEP part, that's not nonsense, i do declare!)). You can thank me, like, right now.

You are welcome.

I'm trying my hand at making meat pies tomorrow. Recipe courtesy of *schoolmate* and Spice Baby (because i forgot most of what schoolmate did :). This chic made the best, best, absolute, take me back to Nigeria, meat pies. OMG. Unfortunately, they were spicy. I can't do spicy so after eating two, i had to respect myself and stop. To make up for it, she made a special batch for me and i swear i ended up with about 20 meat pies. I was like, yeah, this should last me until December (this was in October). It barely lasted a week. Don't ask me how. It was just too good and i'm such a fattie, i couldn't resist.

Hope u guys are making use of the list of food blogs i have on this blog. It's not for decorative purposes. Use it! Cook some good food! I plan on taking my cooking skills up 10 notches this break. Key word is *plan*. Might end up not doing much, we'll see.

Please, someone be nice enough to recommend good Nigerian movies for me. My siblings and I spent 4 hours watching Sorrow to Joy. They were not too happy with me because i picked the movie and the ending was wack. I mean, after 4 hours, you expect a decent ending but God forbid, Nollywood ends a movie well. I jokingly told them the actors got tired of acting and demanded the movie be ended. lol. 4 hours for one movie, come on. I don't mind it if the movie ends well, sha. I watched The Phobia the other day and it was decent even though i just wanted it to end already, it was interesting enough for me to stick with all 4 hours of it. Nollywood sha!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Slapsgiving! by bishop david oyedepo

2011-12-17T22:16:00.000-06:00

To say i am appalled, disgusted and completely and utterly put off my this video would be the understatement of this year!!!!! WOW! WOW! Just WOW! Who is this man masquerading as a man of God? What right does he have to damn someone to hell IN ADDITION TO SLAPPING HER. OMG...I am angry!!!!!!!!! This is my problem with RELIGION. What happened to the true meaning of Christianity? Followers of Christ. Never in a billion years would i imagine Jesus to do something like this and this man is supposed to be a "Man of God". I am utterly disgusted. I pity Nigerians who are blinded by religion and a LOT of them are. It's sickening. Nigerians are the most religious people in the world, yet they are they most judgmental, intolerant, hypocrites you would ever meet. 3/4ths of them have no clue what Christianity actually means. They are so caught up in religion, they become dumb and stupid and can no longer or refuse to think for themselves. I hate it. It's annoys me to no end.

I hate the religious excuses people use to justify hate and intolerance. I hate the hypocrisy. I hate the fact that the average Nigerian doesn't know what love means (not ROMANTIC love). Love, plain and simple. Love your neighbor as you love yourself. It's in the bible, right? They don't. So quick to judge and condemn, yet afraid to speak up when a "Man of God" does something so blatantly wrong. "Touch not my anointed". Indeed!! We are all God's anointed.

Most churches are BUSINESSES. Money making endeavors, with charlatans and smart crooks at the helm. Don't even get me started on that. I am disgusted by this video and i am prepared to ATTACK and CRUCIFY anyone who dares to write anything I consider nonsense in the comment section. Thank you.

*What the fuck! with Nigerians and witchcraft?!!!

African Booty Scratchers

2011-12-16T20:56:00.000-06:00

Soldiers; used in less than a month

Plane read

*You would think that after all the reading i've had to do, the last thing i would want to do is read...i read to relax. When i take breaks from studying, i read blogs or a magazine. Weird and crazy, i know.

*Bought Roots off amazon for $5.24. (Yes, the price was a great deciding factor in getting the book) Vaguely remember the series from when i was little...Kunta Kinte. I want to know more.

*I have a fascination with African American history. We might look the same but we do not have the same history. In college i took Intro to African American history, The American South, US history (we all have to take that), World history etc etc. History was my favorite course in undergrad besides my Psych classes.

*It's amazing how many (immigrant) Africans have similar/identical stories of the horrible ways they were treated by African Americans when they first came to America. Funny enough, many of us assumed that they would be the group that we would be closer to and they would embrace us because looked alike. WRONG!

*African booty scratcher--- that's supposed to be an insult. There are more stupid ones but can't think of others.

*My bid to understand these people drove me to take classes on them. I wanted to know why? History didn't help me......a lot. Psychology did. In Social psychology, you learn not to stereotype people but deal with people individually. It helped me not hate African Americans.

*99% of any kind of "discrimination or prejudice" I have dealt with since coming to America, have been from African Americans. Sad but true.

*Go back to Africa.....They love this one.

*I almost deleted this blog today. Almost. I have been known to be impulsive. This is my fourth blog.

*Dude who left me those stupid comments for no reason let me know that there are people who read that blog who don't like me.

*It bothered me.

*I don't feel like sharing anymore.

*Going home tomorrow, haven't packed a thing and don't feel like packing. I hate traveling but i love being home.

Punk

2011-12-06T08:16:00.001-06:00

I got my first "out of the closet" hater. Yay!!!! LOL. I never ever get negative, troll like comments on this blog. I'm sure there are a number of reasons for that but i'm not going to get into that. I finally got someone who probably has jock itch or crabs and is miserable in his life and decided to come leave some troll like comments on my blog. Maybe he is looking for some "publicity", I 'unno. Fortunately for him, he hit the jackpot cos i'm always one to oblige. I'll help you publicize your blog, FOC. Unfortunately, i do think you are a punk and a troll and your blog is blah ----- boring. You should have stood behind your first two comments and not deleted them, i would have respected you more because i believe everyone is entitled to their opinion. I didn't enable comment moderation, so why are u moderating your own comments? LOL. Idiot oshi!

I probably wouldn't have paid attention to the comments, if you didn't delete them, but you did and it lets me know your heart was not in the right place when you left them. Pls, never say "we". I resent you associating yourself with me not after you just cursed me out for no reason. I don't care whether u r a doctor or not or whatever it is u r. You and I are not in med school together and a little comprehension will take you a long way in life. Go brush up on your reading comprehension skills by reading a book on how not to be a troll. I bet you are an old man too. Ode! Look at him coming back every 2 mins to change his comment. Una sure this one well so? I no sure o.

*If it's jock itch or crabs that's worrying you, there are simple treatments for those you know but you won't find them on my blog. Thanks for "waking" me up this morning. I needed that. It was a long night!

*What's the high road? I don't believe in that. This is my blog and i will react whichever way i feel like. Thank you.

[The Smile of a Nigerian Scorpio] New comment on Question.

DblogEdition

Tue, Dec 6, 2011 at 7:47 AM

To:nigerianscorpio@gmail.com

DblogEdition has left a new comment on your post "Question":

agbaya!!!!!!...lol
Posted by DblogEdition to The Smile of a Nigerian Scorpio at December 6, 2011 7:47 AM

DblogEdition

Tue, Dec 6, 2011 at 7:49 AM

To:nigerianscorpio@gmail.com

DblogEdition has left a new comment on your post "Question":"acknowledge your birthday"... indeed... o ni yeye !!!!!
Posted by DblogEdition to The Smile of a Nigerian Scorpio at December 6, 2011 7:49 AM

DblogEdition

Tue, Dec 6, 2011 at 8:01 AM

To:nigerianscorpio@gmail.com

DblogEdition has left a new comment on your post "Question":"Do you understand that they never, ever close down my med school (based on the you are going to be doctors bullshit and you need to learn to deal with difficult weather" - Nigerian Scorpio

Thats what we signed up for... o ni yeye!!!!. ...

Oh by the way, in trying to figure out who the hell u r, i stumbled on this post you wrote about the power of the tongue. You might want to re-read it before you leave silly comments on people's blogs. Since this is your first time commenting on my blog, i forgive you but i still think u r a punk :)

Back to Path!!

Question

2011-12-05T08:14:00.001-06:00

Quick question, how old do my nephew/nieces have to be before i expect them to know/remember/acknowledge my birthday if they want me to remember/acknowledge/get gifts for them for their birthday? This issue first came up over the summer cos my niece who turned 16 last year was upset that i didn't get her anything for her 16th birthday. First of all, i couldn't AFFORD to buy her anything (I reside firmly in brokeville right now, well i could have sent a card but i think i had exams or something and that wasn't what was worrying me at that time. Besides, I've never just gotten her a card), secondly, i told her she didn't even call me on my birthday which is less than 2 months before hers. My sister (her mom) said i was the adult so it shouldn't matter. I don't know o. I kind of think it matters cos 16 years old is not a baby anymore. Her birthday is coming up this week, and it got me thinking of it cos i still didn't get a call this year for mine, i don't even think her and her siblings (all between the ages of 16 to 13) know my birthday. When i worked and had money, they got gifts and all that good stuff. I already have a box with purses and a couple of dresses to send to my niece who is about to turn 17 (she's not my oldest niece, btw, i told u i have plenty of sisters :), but i can't help but wonder when do i start expecting her and her siblings to acknowledge my birthday if I'm going to be sending them gifts. I'm just saying. All I'm asking for is a phone call saying "Happy Birthday, Auntie". Is that too much to ask?

**OMG you guys, I can't believe it's Dec 5th and it has not snowed once. I am ecstatic and can't believe it cos it starts to snow as early as October in these parts. Me and my friend from TX shush each other when we start to talk about it cos we don't want to jinx it. I just can't believe it. Is it global warming or what? Anyway, i LOVE it. I'm just scared cos i think it might be payback time when we come back in January. There was a blizzard Jan of this year when school had to be closed. I repeat, school had to be closed on an exam day for that matter. Do you understand that they never, ever close down my med school (based on the you are going to be doctors bullshit and you need to learn to deal with difficult weather), but they closed down school. It was crazy. My car was snowed in and my friend has to dig me out. I need to get a shovel.

Are any of you experiencing unusual weather too?
P.S. I'm not upset at my nieces or nephews, i'm just curious.

Since i got a couple of comments from an IDIOT! Let me clarify the purpose of this post. I don't have kids so i have never parented before, but i think when i do have kids i would raise them to be (for lack of a better word) considerate. I am not WAY older than my nephews and nieces, so i think if they expect/demand presents from me, the least they can do is wish me a happy birthday since they are getting older. The thought never crossed my mind when they were younger. Now, if that makes me an AGBAYA, i guess i'll just be an AGBAYA. Thank you. It's allowed.

Dr. Sushi's Words of Wisdom

2011-12-03T00:06:00.001-06:00

Ladies, this is for you, live and direct from Dr. Sushi, my friend who i have talked about on this blog on numerous occasions. Okay, i haven't actually "talked" about her but i have mentioned her with regards to me still being sane in med school.

Anyhoo....when the studying gets too crazy, you take a break and talk about guys!!! Here is the final presentation of Dr. Sushi's talk in her own handwriting. You guys are blessed, i tell u. Here i am just impacting knowledge FOC.

What say u? Make sense or make sense?

I dey go sleep. No be me kill Jesus. I don tire.

WK 15 of 17............Yikes!!!!

2011-11-27T20:35:00.001-06:00

*Runs frantically to blog* (Although in reality, all i did was push my notes aside, take 2 deep breaths and open my laptop). We'll just pretend i ran here, cos that's what i did mentally. Anyhoo.....

I felt a panic attack coming on. I don't know when i started getting those. Ironically, that's one of the topics that are covered under Anxiety disorders in psychiatry this block in which i have a lovely exam, bright and early Tuesday morning, but i digress. I'm sitting here studying, my cornrows which are braided too tightly are KILLING me, my mind is going a mile a minute trying to figure out how i'm going to get everything (not just psych, everything in two weeks!!!!) done, and my heart starts pounding, and i can no longer breathe, so i push my notes asides and run here. I need to calm the hell down.

Week 15 of 17.........I'm officially freaked out!

This is exactly how i feel inside minus the coffee plus the biting of nails (mentally)

My cumulative micro final is scaring me. The bootleg thanksgiving break is over today and i am behind in Path (already). I had so much stuff to catch up over the break. I did my best but it wasn't enough. Tomorrow, the madness resumes in full force and there's no going back. Mschewww. Med school sucks! Seriously, this hair is killing me. Why do i have to go through this? What did i ever do to those women? What?! Yeah, i chose the option of getting my hair cornrowed since my hair stylist was booked full and i needed to get the hair stuff out the way. I will be a complete natchy by the time this is over. No lie.

My next door neighbor/school mate offered me apple pie yesterday and i refused cos i figured i don't need extra calories in my life. Now i wish i took it cos i need to medicate with food and there's nothing that fits that description in this apartment. Boo to healthy eating. I need some junk food. She's still awake, i can hear her in her kitchen, i should text her and rescind my rejection of her pie. lol. By the way, i don't know how much i like the living situation cos she just moved in in october and now i can no longer have loud amebo sessions anymore. Which kain thing be dis now? I have to be cautious of what i'm saying in my own apartment again. I'm not loving it o. She just told me yesterday that i'm always on the phone. I was like "am i?" cos i wasn't aware of that. I guess i talk more on the phone than i'm conscious of or she just catches me when i'm on the phone. Still, i don't like censoring myself like this, ahn ahn.

This mindless blogging is not working. I'm going back to study jor. Be still, my pounding heart. Do you want me to fail?!!!

I'm activating faith instead of fear (Thank you Joel Osteen)

To those of you who missed my pishure...i will consider putting it up again. I think my anonymity is shot! That picture was supposed to be blurrier that what it actually was. I just wanted you guys to see that contrary to popular belief it's not a robot in an agric farm somewhere typing this blog :) and yes, i do look like a MADAME.

Ermm...what's a Madame supposed to look like?

#okbye. This book is not going to read itself plus i'm suddenly ravenous like i haven't eaten in days. Who says ravenous in really life? I'm a weirdo.

Glimpse - Peep this!

2011-11-26T20:42:00.001-06:00

Went to dinner with friends.....free, might i add. My plate cost $21.99. Chicken something cordon bleu at some place that has crab in its name (I obviously wasn't paying attention). Just got home and i'm incredibly sad. Not sure why.


Good food!

Enjoy my "photograph" while it lasts. It shall be taken down when the spirit deems fit sometime tomorrow or i might just replace it with a blurrier one :)

Good night bloggies and hello Psychiatry. I have 6 more lectures to go tonight. Wawawewa!

*Just remembered the name of the restaurant. It's Crawdaddy. I don't know why i thought it had crab in it's name. I guess in my mind craw = crawfish = crab?! o_O

***Was i drunk yesterday? I thot the picture was blurrier that it actually was. I've been exposed. Ye!
**** My food cost $19.99. I really wasn't paying attention plus i didn't pay for it cos if i did, i would have remembered. Anyhoo, i mention it cos i think it's just too expensive to eat out with any sort of regularity at least for me. Unless it's fast food and i can count on one finger (not one hand) how many times i have eaten fast food this year. I just have no interest.

Audio Post (Yay!) + Thanksgiving dinner

2011-11-25T08:37:00.001-06:00

Embarassing moment by Nigerian Scorpio

Garri and Moi-moi. Loved it!!!

My dinner guest

Gay Wedding in Lagos

2011-11-24T15:39:00.001-06:00

So everyone should know by now that i don't have a problem with gay people. I believe in the philosophy of live and let live and tolerance. With that being said, can i laugh at the bride's outfit? LOL. Look at the green socks. I thought gay people (especially the feminine ones) were usually on point. What's up with the green socks and canvas (that's the most appropriate description i could think of). No seriously, it is cracking me the hell up. Plus the veil and material on the chair....sweet Jesus. Help me. IF you want to do something, do it well, ahn ahn.

Ah.....this just made my day.

Is that a christmas wreath with balloons on the wall? LOL.

*Sorry i have to disable comments for this post cos i would have loved to hear your views on their fashion sense and the overall tackiness of the wedding, but i don't want to start anything, so just enjoy the pishure. LOL.

ETA
So thanks to de google, i just found out that this is supposed to be from a Nollywood movie. Initially when my sister sent me the picture, i asked her if she was sure it was real and not from a church play. lol. I'm about to text her now and tell her i was right after all.

Counting my Blessings

2011-11-24T07:15:00.001-06:00

Guess who has slept almost 20 hours in the last two days? Moi! It has been lovely and for that i am thankful. Sleeping this much wasn't part of the plan, but my body is tired and the next two weeks before finals is going to be a marathon from hell so i decided to get some rest. Remember i'm doing this med school business without the aid of any kind of caffeine. I'm used to it now and don't even remember coffee, soda, energy drinks etc etc exist cos i have a routine at this point. I woke up this morning, with a thankful heart. I was almost getting sad yesterday because i was here, but i get to go home in 3 weeks so it's all good.

I'm thankful for
Good health - For myself and for my family. No one is sick or has a terminal illness. That is a blessing. I might not be 100% but this is the best i've felt in a long time. Thank God for cute GI doctors :) LOL...i'm such a fool.

Life - I know that i am blessed to have my whole immediate family still intact. It's only by the grace of God. When things go wrong and the whole world turn their back on you, your family will be there. They might not like you, but they love you and they will be there for you. (of course there are always exceptions to the rule because some family members can be toxic, but i'm not talking about those)

Family - I used to think i had a dysfunctional family, until i realized everyone has a story and no family is perfect. You might be on the outside looking in, and see a picture perfect family but you have no clue what's really going on. I was thinking about my mom the other day and how she is such a good mother. She might be overprotective (OVERPROTECTIVE!!!) and i know she's not perfect because before anything else she is human, but she is such a great mother and i look forward to being able to spoil her.

I have many sisters with an irish twin included in there, meaning we are just 10 and half months apart (yes, we have the same mother and father). We never got along growing up but now, she's my closest sister. I'm surprised about it myself but i love it. People used to mistake us for twins back in the day cos they couldn't tell us apart. Even my father saw a picture of her and thought it was me. We sound exactly alike, i've heard my voice recording and thought it was her. My friends can't tell us apart on the phone. No joke. I'm thankful that as friends have fallen to the way side, i have my sisters to turn to. Blood will always be thicker than water. My brother is an awesome not so little fellow (he's bigger than me, that former smallie). He laughs at all my silliness and even when i'm not trying to be funny, he's chuckling away. He totally gets me and i love him so much, even though there have been days when i wanted to kill him.

Strength - I really wanted to attend the psych lecture on Tuesday but since i was up with stress induced insomnia till 8am on Tuesday morning, i couldn't attend the 8.15 am lecture. I knew there was no way i would make it to 12pm with zero hours of sleep. After the 2 lectures, they watched a film titled "Struggling in Silence- Physician depression and suicide". After listening to the lecture on itunes yesterday, i searched for the video online and found it. It wasn't so clear but it was a good learning experience. I've always known from 1st year that 25% of med students are depressed, and 300-400 doctors commit suicide every year. I just talked about this with my resident friend and he quoted those stats for me, including the stat of doctors having the highest divorce rate. So i wasn't really shocked when i watched the video, just sad. A doctor at the hospital my sister works killed himself over the summer.

I am thankful that despite everything i've been through with med school (the people who have read my blog for a while know what i'm talking about), I'm not depressed. I have days when i'm sad, stressed, overwhelmed, miserable, disappointed, frustrated etc etc, but i've never sunken into the depths of depression. I'm able to pick myself up and keep going, keep pushing, keep fighting. I KNOW that it's not by my power, because i'm not stronger than the people who get depressed. In fact, with everything that's going on (90% of which i don't share on this blog), i'm surprised i'm not depressed. I have been depressed before, so i know what it it to be depressed. Being depressed is different from been sad or having a bad day. Trust me! The grace of God has been keeping me and i am very thankful for that.

I think it really helps to take time out sometimes and count your blessings. Whatever it is you are going through, it could be much worse. If you never lose sight of that fact, regardless of how bad things are or how miserable you feel, you will be able to pull yourself together and keep pushing. Nobody said life was going to be easy, you just have to play the hand you were dealt. Everybody has problems, just different problems. Be thankful for what you have and where you are and always try to surround yourself with good people and people who love you. No need for frenemies, really.

I'm going to go do laundry so i can start studying :)

Enjoy your thanksgiving!!!

*If you are depressed, please seek help. You don't have to do it alone.

Favorite things

2011-11-21T23:02:00.000-06:00

The year is about to be over, it might as well be over for me. This year has FLOWN by and i love it!!! Love it. I need it to keep flying by cos i would like to get done with this medical school business. Then i will whine about residency, and whine about fellowship (if i do that, have no clue at this point), so the road is long and i need it to keep moving. My goal is to take time to actually LIVE while all this other school stuff is going on, i just have to find a balance.

So i'm taking the evening off, mainly because i have this stupid stress headache and we actually get three days "off" this week. I'm not even going to talk about this thanksgiving holiday because if i list all the work i have to have done before next week Monday ehn?!, you will be sorry for me. I'm actually sorry for myself. Mind you, there's a psychiatry final exam jejely waiting for us next week Tuesday o! Mscheww....

Anyhoodle, main point of this post is to list my favorite things of 2011. Little info about me....I'm not into things! So if you are expecting a list of name brand clothes, shoes and what not, you will be sorely disappointed. So without further ado (i'm such a dork :), here are my favorite things of 2011.

Coupons: Where have you been all my life? I can't believe i used to throw those things away. I thought only housewives used coupons and back in the day (when i worked and was rolling in dough or not ;) i couldn't imagine myself ever handing a coupon to a cashier. Like, so not cool. Well, welcome to the kindgom of Brokedom. Using coupons suddenly looks very good. Biggest save so far was $7. LOL. That happened today actually and i was very happy with myself. It's the simple things, i tell ya!

Toothpaste dispenser: I went home this summer and saw this cool contraption in the bathrooms and i was like, warrisdis? Pretty cool. I always had to fight to squeeze my toothpaste into my toothbrush holder and most times i just give up and leave it on the sink. The night before i came back to school, my mom decides to bless me with this and some other cool stuff, like a no touch hand soap dispenser which i don't really use but like. I love my tooth paste dispenser!!! I don't have to squeeze toothpaste anymore, all i do is push and voila, toothpaste on my toothbrush. I know, i'm from the stone age. Welcome to the 21st century. Thank you. I'm glad to be here.

Arm and hammer scrub free bathroom cleaner: Seriously, you guys.....this thing is a miracle and a miracle worker rolled in one. Ehn?!!! They were not playing when they said "No scrub". So someone who shall forever and ever remain nameless, had not washed her bathtub for a month + (we'll leave it at that), so one bright and early morning as she prepared to rush off to school she was like, "Hmmm...let's see what's underneath the bathroom sink" since she really didn't enjoy and could no longer tolerate the dirty bathtub . She sprayed the arm and hammer scrub free thingy and in less than 10 minutes her bathtub was sparkling white. All you have to do is rinse with water. It was a miracle. No scrub for real. Loves it!!!

I got a new one today and it's no longer yellow. It's now in a white container.

Texas toast seasoned croutons: Who eats a salad just for the croutons? I do. Firstly, i think croutons are the best thing the french invented. (Did the french really invent croutons? I don't know, it just felt good to say it :) Texas toast seasoned croutons is the business! End of story!!! I am a very picky eater believe it or not, both by choice and not by choice, so it's hard for me to find things that my palate (ha ha!) agrees with. I can't stand their other flavors, although i've only tried one other one (Ceasar) and that one literally made me throw up, and then brush my tongue and lick a candy to take out the taste. Nothing disgusts me more than the taste of garlic. The names of the other flavors are enough to make me run the other direction, except for cheddar cheese but still, i love the seasoned one and i will stick to it.

HTC Sensation: Remember in August i asked you guys what phone to get? Well, i ended up with this phone. I know i started off by saying i'm not into things, but i am into this phone like white on rice. It wasn't love at first, second, third or fourth sight but i am completely in love with this phone 3 months later and it keeps growing. This phone is all kinds of awesome. I just keep finding new cool stuff about it every single day. No joke. A lot of times it's by mistake and i'm like cool beans. Yeah, i can't tell you how much i love this phone. The battery life sucks majorly but i get around that easily because i'm not always yapping away on my phone plus i'm either home or in school so i can easily charge it. It can get a little buggy and do an abnormal reset, but it hasn't done that in a while. Other than that, this phone is awesome, i just find myself loving it more everyday but i still HATE T-mobile. I will never, ever, ever, ever renew my contract with them every again. Those freaking tricksters. 2013 can't get here soon enough, but that's not what this is about.

My 2 year old niece: But she's not a thing, she's a person and she's cute and awesome and i love her SO much. I miss her everyday and think about her antics whenever i'm having a bad day. She amazes me. She's starting to talk a lot now and i'm in awe. She's awesome, she really is. She's a joy and a blessing and a savior to my family. For the record, she's not my only niece. I have a grand total of 9 nieces and nephews. But she is our baby. What a joy! I think about her whenever i hear about any kind of cruelty to children and i can't imagine how someone could hurt a child. I cannot imagine. They are so precious and innocent.

There you have it. My favorite things of 2011. What were your favorite things of 2011? Feel free to share.

Yay! I made it to 11pm. I can go to bed now :) Speaking of going to bed, I slept on my bed yesterday for the 2nd time this month. Firstly, i had a difficult time falling asleep even though i was really tired and sleepy, secondly when i finally slept, i had a nightmare!!! I woke up and was pissed about it, like WTH?! So i'm back on my couch. My pillow top mattress can be sleeping on itself since it obviously doesn't want me to sleep on it. o_O

***My friend gave me YAM...Happiness! I've even yam less than 10 times in the 9 years i have been in this country. My favorite food in Nigeria was boiled yam and egg stew. I no longer have a favorite food.

*It's 3am and i'm still awake when i really want to be asleep because a) I have an 8.15am lecture tomorrow and b) I have a bad stress headache. Is this a case of insomnia or are the gods of my ancestors just punishing me?

Officially official

2011-11-21T11:38:00.001-06:00

It's official!!! Med school is going to drive me crazy. I have not only perfected the act of talking to myself, i now talk aloud to myself......IN PUBLIC!

I just finished writing an exam. Microbiology is about to send me to an early grave, walahi! If there was a thought bubble above my head during the exam, you would have read things like

"I'm just going to lie down on the floor and die right now"
"Kill me now"
"my heart is breaking"
"I give up, i don't know"
"Why are asking me that, how do you expect me to know the answer"
"Can i just lie down on this floor and die, please"
"Get away from my screen, i don't care if it's 15mins remaining"

All those thoughts and many more, passed through my head in the space of 90 mins. I don't know what i could have done to prepare better for this exam, short of eating the notes and textbook and assimilating it that way. That has never been known to work. Grades are up, too scared to check, hence this impromptu blog post.

Those freaking bastards!!!! I don't even know who i'm referring to, so no need to ask. I just feel the need to curse. A habit which i am supposed to be trying to get rid of.

I need to get this freaking cornrows off my head but my hair stylist is fully booked until thanksgiving. She and her expensive self. I have to pay $70 plus tip just for a touch up. Meanwhile it's $50 in Atlanta. Na wa. I'm tempted to take it out, wash my hair and cornrow it again but that would mean i would be using style to go natural since the last time i got a touch up was July.

My life!!!!!

*Ok, I have checked. I'm still alive. Whether that's a bad or good thing at this point, i couldn't tell you.

Hi and Dinner

2011-11-16T18:25:00.001-06:00

Best dinner i have had in weeks! Tasted SO good. Kidney beans cooked in chicken broth (I don't call myself a concortist chef for nothing), dodo and chicken. Did i already say it was good? It was good!! Good enough to blog about it. See the steam coming off the beans, yummmm!

#okbye

*Microbiology is Satan's junior brother. I tell ya.

Guess

2011-11-11T06:57:00.000-06:00

Moving on to much lighter, drama free things :))

What are these dresses made of?

Found more thanks to the power of the de google. HERE

Starting next week Monday, i have exams for the next 3 weeks (including the week of thanksgiving), then i get a week without exams and the next week is finals in which there is a cumulative final involved in that mess. As much as i find blogging therapeutic and use it as an outlet in a bid to hang on to my sanity, i need to focus 100% on school, so everything is being put on the back burner, especially dealing with people. I literally just finished dealing with the craziness of my schizophrenic friend (no joke, true story), who went from wanting to marry me, to calling me a whore and a slut, then the jealous girlfriend saga. I think i've had enough. These people need to leave me alone.

I had a dream that involved me, grades and dean's office which = bad dream. Got to focus.

Note to self: Let's try to have a PEACEFUL, drama free, zen, I-love-my-life, rest of the year. Please and thank you.

*I'm sure i'll blog every now and again. I can never stay away :)
**10 points to anyone who correctly guesses what those dresses are made of. Unfortunately, you can't use the points for anything, but you get them anyway.

Update on the Dramady

2011-11-10T15:48:00.000-06:00

Just so you all know, I UNDERSTAND my friend's need to stick up for his woman. That's all well and good and even though i was mad at the time, i don't fault him for that. What i fault him for was first, putting me on three way and asking me those bullshit questions about if i would ever date him, just to prove to his chic that we were just friends and secondly, allowing her to pick up the phone to call me and then giving her my number to continue texting me from her phone. That never should have taken place. If she didn't call me, i wouldn't have had the reason or opportunity to refer to her as a bitch. I was minding my business and along came trouble. If you can't take the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

With regards to our friendship: Let's just say, calmer heads did not prevail (with me being the person with the "uncalm" head). I'm old enough to the point where i KNOW and ACCEPT myself the way i am. Sure i could work on things and i am, but i'm still going to be me. If you think things could have been handled in an un-emotional, non-dramatic way, that's all well and good and i 100% agree with you. Handle it that way when it happens to you. That's what makes you, you and me, me. I can only be myself. Besides, hind sight is 20-20. It's always easy to talk about how things should have been handled after the fact.

I called him because i value our friendship and while trying to tell him that i might have reacted differently if i wasn't caught off guard, he cuts me off and said he doesn't care about how i react to things and that i owe him an apology for referring to his fiancee as a bitch unless he didn't see the need to be friends with me anymore. I don't do well with ultimatums especially when i'm still pissed at both of them for the stunt they pulled with me. I've never been one to have a problem apologizing when i'm wrong, but don't give me an ultimatum when your hands are not clean.

While i will leave out a lot of details, let's just say he got an apology but not the one he wanted. I apologized for many things including the fact that i referred to his fiancee as a bitch when i should have called her a jealous bitch to her face etc etc. I feel like our friendship would have ended anyway because of the type of chic his fiancee is. She is very jealous and she has never been comfortable with me as his friend or any female for that matter and like i told him, if it wasn't this non-issue, she would have come up with something else eventually to be mad at. I don't have time for that kind of nonsense. I value his friendship but not enough to put up with his jealous girlfriend especially since i don't think he can handle her. Just because she is his fiancee doesn't give her free rein to run roughshod over his friends and then expect everyone to treat her with kid gloves. Both of them have lost their minds. I never should have been involved in this mess, so forgive me if i don't just roll over quietly and take it.

I know i get irritated easily which is why i stay away from people and their drama and only deal with a few people on a regular basis. I do my best to minimize any opportunities for me to lose my temper and this is the first time this year, believe it or not that i have been this mad.

I don't think any female should contact her guy's female friends or acquaintances for any reason. The guy is not a puppet, he can speak for himself.

Drama

2011-11-09T13:30:00.001-06:00

Ladies, this question is for you. (Guys you can chime in too)

Is it ever appropriate for a female to call her boyfriend/fiance's platonic friend because she overheard a conversation they were having and she didn't like the way platonic friend was talking to her man?

Just so we keep it in context, i'll give you guys the background for this question which normally i wouldn't do but i'm making an exception because i am royally pissed. A close guy friend who i've been friends with for 6 years (purely platonic friends), met this Hispanic chic last year, long story short they got engaged over the summer and will be getting married next year. This guy is like a brother to me, because not only is he best friends with one of my most favorite people in this world (which is how we became friends), he is one of the few people i am genuinely close to and can tell anything. I was even the one thinking of romantic ways he can propose to this chic.

Anyway, he went to naija and just came back on Saturday and i spoke to him and his best friend a couple of times on my birthday while he was in Naij. I'm so scared of the craziness going on in Naija right now and i knew of all his travel plans while in Naij. These two boys were basically going to be hopping from state to state. Besides the kidnappings, you also have to be concerned about accidents on those dangerous roads. So i asked them to be careful and pray before embarking on any journey. Long story short, Sat. evening, i called to make sure he was back safe. He didn't pick up. Monday evening when i realised i still hadn't heard from him, i called him again and this time he picks up, and i was like "You no see say i call you, why u no call me back?" or something along those lines. I don't exactly remember the conversation. I probably added "wetin dey worry you sef or something". He said he was busy and i said, i just wanted to make sure he got back safe. The conversation was less than a minute. I had books to read, i really just wanted to make sure he got back safe, nothing more.

Fast forward to yesterday, he calls (6 times back to back in like 20 mins) to ask me if i could ever date him, i'm like where is this coming from? Unbeknownst to me, this was for his fiancee's benefit. So i answer no, that he was like my brother and he kept insisting on why and i said because i have never looked at him that way and we've never had that kind of relationship. Then he says he has to go and i was like what kind of weird conversation is this. 30 secs barely passes before my phone rings again and this time it was his fiancee calling me with his number.

I've never spoken to her before. I was friendly with his previous ex and actually used to talk to that one, but this one, i have zero relationship with. She pissed me off last year on facebook cos she kind of mocked me on a comment i left on his page. I called him and told him the only reason i didn't cuss her out there and then was because i was respecting him. He told me, she was just protecting her territory and he understood where both of us were coming from. I left it alone and have never once commented on his facebook page since that incident. Besides, i knew that she had serious jealousy issues from what he had told me.

So, I'm sitting there trying to figure out what the hell is going on, as this chic is pretty much scolding me and asking me why would i be yelling at her fiance for not notifying me about his return to the country (apparently she had overheard the conversation i had with him), that don't i know he is engaged. That she feels disrespected, so i said let me get this straight, obviously, the previous conversation was for your benefit, so is it that you were upset and you are no longer upset or are you still upset? She said she was still upset and i asked her why, she said she feel disrespected because i was speaking to her fiance that way. I asked her if i was speaking to her and she says no, but she feels disrespected because that's her fiance. This, my friends is when i go from 0 to 10 in 2 secs. Anyone who knows me, knows i have a temper and i have a very low tolerance for bullshit. When i get angry, i get angry, there's no slow buildup, no middle ground and i get vocal. I cut her off and try to clarify exactly why she's speaking to me, which is what i was asking her initially when she started talking before i got irritated. I end up telling her, i have no business with her and she can go to hell and that i will to speak to my friend. I hang up, he calls me back, i refer to her as a little bitch, and he tries to pull the "don't call my fiancee a bitch crap" which infuriated me more so I call her a bitch multiple times and called him a pussy simultaneously as well. So for everytime she got called a bitch, i called him a pussy for good measure. Of course it gets a little messier, but i will spare you guys more details.

I have never been more pissed in my life because i was so blindsided by this mess. Chic starts texting me and i tell her, she has no business talking to me. I never yelled at her boyfriend. I remember talking to my siblings in pidgin and people thinking we were fighting because of our tone. She's not Nigerian, so i guess that's why she thought i was yelling at her man. Even then, i think she overstepped her boundaries big time by calling me and SCOLDING me about it, while my stupid, pussy whipped friend, stood by and let her. I had to ask him if he forgot who i was and how did he think i would stand there and let some chic talk to me any kind of way. He must have forgotten, cos i'm not the one. Never have, never will be.

So back to my question, i'm not even going to bother asking if i was wrong, because i know that there's no way in hell, i was wrong. I feel like this is a classic case of "trouble dey sleep, yanga go wake am".

Is it ever appropriate for a female to contact another female over her guy for whatever reason?

*Dude was lucky he was nowhere close to where i was yesterday cos i would have wrung his neck and i told him as much, in exactly those words. What nonsense.
**I might end up taking this post down, but i am still so pissed, i needed to vent.

Principalities and powers. Evil forces of distraction. God will punish all of you.

Drama

2011-11-08T22:15:00.000-06:00

I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS PISSED IN A LONG TIME. OMG! OMG! DRAMA.

Deep breaths!
Deep breaths!!!!

Superstitions

2011-11-07T20:00:00.002-06:00

Before i full sink my teeth into this pathology textbook which i am going to be romancing all night, let me say a quick hello and goodbye. Today was an experience. We finally got called for the autopsy viewing and boy oh boy. I can't get the images out of my head. Due to the viewer's agreement i signed, i am unable to share the details of any of the cases. I will say this though, if you are thinking of blowing your brains out, don't! You won't look any kind of pretty when you are done. I just finished cornrowing my friend's hair (which i had to squeeze out time to do, luckily she is natural and it was without any kind of extension) and now there's hair everywhere in my apartment. I hate hair!!!! The only way i can tolerate it is if it's on a head where it rightfully should be. Otherwise i think it's disgusting. Sigh!!!!

Now to the main point of this post. For the last 3-4days in the midst of studying, i put together a little something to amuse myself and i want to share with you guys. Remember all those wacky things we believed as kids or even some adults still believe? I thought about one and decided to compile a list of all i could remember. My sis and a friend added a couple more.

Pluck your eyelash and put it on ur head, so you don’t forget something
Never leave your cut fingernails (or hair) lying around, so that they can’t be used for juju purposes
Don’t whistle at night because it attracts snakes or evil spirits
Don’t write your name in red ink unless you are going to die
Rub spit on your navel so you don’t forget something.
If you sneeze, someone somewhere else just called your name
Don’t eat food from “outside” so that you don’t get initiated into witchcraft
You circle you head with your thumb and middle fingers touch, shrug your shoulders, snap said fingers and say “tufiakwa” or “God forbid (bad thing)” to ward off evil or bad luck.
Never accept anything with your left hand.
If you have hiccups, put a piece of white thread on your head.
If the sun is shining and rain is falling at the same time, it means a lion just gave birth
Don’t tell people you are pregnant.
If you hit your leg on a stone on your way out, something bad is going to happen
If your ear “rings” you are about to hear bad news.
Actually believing that “leke leke” will give your “Waterfinger” if you sing hard enough and fling your fingers fast enough.
If you swallow an orange seed, it would grow in your tummy. (Older siblings are bad!)
If you are pregnant and you fight with someone, the baby will look like the person.

Feel free to partake in the fun and add to the list with the ones you remember.

*I really don't want to study..............

Ask Gays

2011-11-06T22:53:00.002-06:00

LOL...I think he's a fool. Was he joking seriously, or seriously joking. I took it tongue in cheek. It seriously cracked me up the way he said "gay people are just some rebellious motherfuckers and they just want to do it their way" and he said it with a straight face too. He's a funny dude. At the end, he said he just knows "you are supposed to respect everybody, regardless of what the fuck they do", and for that i give him a thumbs up, five up and an "I love you, brother cos i think you are cute". At least that statement, i endorse. You might be a silly goose but you are still cute.

Let it Go - Bishop T.D. Jakes

2011-11-05T07:22:00.000-05:00

I've put a slightly longer version of this video on the blog before. This is my most favorite message from T.D Jakes. I figured someone somewhere who reads or stumbles onto this blog might need to hear this message. I think it is a very powerful, practical message that a lot of people can relate to.

<p>&amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;br&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;"&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;gt;&amp;amp;amp;lt;/p&amp;amp;amp;gt;</p>

"I've got the gift of goodbye. It's a deep spiritual gift.I believe in goodbyes. It's not that i'm hateful, it's that i'm faithful and i know what God needs for me to have, he'll give it to me and if it takes too much sweat, i don't need it. Stop begging people to stay, let them go!"

Deep stuff!!!

Twins

2011-11-03T19:47:00.000-05:00

I stumbled onto this video during one of my mini, unauthorized breaks (like this one) and even though i don't have 9 mins to sit and watch anything, i watched this video. It totally made me smile. I was grinning the whole time i sat there like a jobless fool watching the video. The prettiness of the twins, their accents, the way they sound exactly alike and how they complete each others sentences. I won't lie, i totally had accent envy for a second (ok, more like 30 minutes).

I want twins so bad. I'm putting it out there now o, Lord hear me. Thankfully, we have twins in my immediate and extended family (Mom, Paternal aunt, Maternal grand aunt etc). None of my sisters have had twins yet, so it might just fall on me. Thank you Jesus for answered prayers. LOL. I would like them to be good looking too (I really don't want a pair of uglies). Just being honest.

Names and Perception

2011-11-03T07:45:00.001-05:00

So last week, as i was looking through my notes, i noticed we were scheduled to have a few lectures by someone name Dr. Cashdollar. I was like, "what! This can't be someone's real name". So i said to one my friends "I bet it's a black man". No seriously, what kind of name is Cashdollar if it's not a made up name.

So let's play this game (which i was supposed to play with you guys last week before i actually knew the answer). Based just off the last name, what race do you think Dr. Cashdollar is?

I eventually got to see the guy and when he was introducing himself, all i really wanted to know was the origin of his name but of course he didn't say anything about that. I still believe it's a made up name. No one can tell me otherwise.

I don't appreciate this being on call thing. I had to wake up real early and get ready, just in case we were paged. I hate not knowing cos it's messing with my schedule. Obviously, since i'm sitting here blogging, we were not paged and i don't have class until 10am. The good thing is i'm up and ready and had a great start to my day. I really want to wear sweatpants to class today, but i can't bring myself to commit that sin. There was a time when i did worse, back in the day. However, this does not mean i dress up to class. Not at all. I try my best to look decent.

Life is really what you make of it and i firmly believe happiness is a choice. But i will be the first to admit that that can be the hardest choice to make. It's so easy to say but hard to do. 6 more weeks left in the semester, and i have exams on 4 out of the 6. Wickedness, i tell ya!

Don't forget to tell me what you think of Dr. Cashdollar and i will be back to update you guys on the answer.

P.S My cousin had a friend named Freedom, and i was so fascinated by the name back then.

UPDATE

Contrary to popular opinion, Dr. Cashdollar turned out to be an older (generic) white male. Surprise, surprise. I really wish i could ask him how he got that name.

The Small Print by Abimbola Dare

2011-11-02T17:47:00.002-05:00

Our very own Bimbylads, has written a book. New bloggers might not be aware of the greatness that is Bimbylads (Another one is a counterfeit). One of the funniest bloggers that used to be around these parts, but she stopped blogging for a while and now she's back with a Christian fiction. How awesome is that!

CHAPTER ONE

      The moment he stepped into room 415 and saw Jennifer Lennox sitting behind the polished mahogany table, Wale Ademola knew he was a dead man. He shut the glass panelled door behind him with a click and glared. It had to be an illusion. He checked again. Nope. This was for real. She was here. What on earth was his ex wife doing in his office?
      “Good morning Wale.” The woman sitting next to Jennifer spoke first. Her name was Coleen something from HR. She’d interviewed him only last year, at the start of his job as a temp administrator. She peered at him. “Is something wrong?
      He started to come forward, stumbled and bumped into a stationery cupboard. “Sorry. I… I must have the wrong room. I am here for a promotion interview for the trainee project manager position.” It had to be the wrong room.
       Coleen waved a piece of paper at him. “You didn’t get the confirmation email?”
      He nodded. His mind swirled with questions and he tried his best to look relaxed. Had Jennifer traced him to London? Or was this a nightmare?
      Coleen gave a reassuring smile. “It will be over before you know it.”
      My life will be over before you know it. “Uh-huh.”
      Jennifer gave nothing away with her expression, and when she glanced at him it was like she was looking right through him. As though he wasn’t even there. She shifted in her seat and the aqueous floral scent of her perfume smacked his nostrils. He coughed, spluttered. He’d given her the fragrance for her twenty- eighth birthday last year... a day before he – should he say left her? He dropped his gaze to the table.
      “You look a tad bit uncomfortable,” Coleen said, concern brimming on the edge of her voice. “Take a seat.” She gestured at the only vacant chair in the room.
      In front of Jennifer? God forbid bad thing. He sagged into the chair like an invalid. “Thank you.”
      Beads of perspiration beneath his armpits prickled. Trouble had landed in his backyard. Jealous enemies from his village in Nigeria had chosen the best time to strike their juju, African black magic. Wale mentally sent a curse in return. Thunder fire them all. Including Jennifer Lennox.
      Jennifer tossed a stray lock of curled blond hair away from her face and held out her hand. Obviously, his curse did not work. “Mister Ademola,” she said. “An absolute pleasure to meet you.”
      Mister? Her performance deserved a standing ovation. He sat up straight with a tight grin, convinced his expression must look like one on a mug shot. “Same here.” His hands remained on the table, numb. If Jennifer noticed, she didn’t react. She turned to Coleen. “Ready when you are.”
      “We almost cancelled the interview when Maryann called in sick.” Coleen gave Jennifer a grateful nod. “Thank your stars that Andrea came in on a short notice. She will lead the interview.”
      Andrea? A chill spread across his body. Jennifer changed her name? He swallowed. “T-that’s fine.”
      Jennifer pointed to the jug on the table. “Water?”
      Her nails were perfectly manicured, as always, metallic blue with silver sparkles.
      Rat poison would be perfect. “No. No thanks.”
      She sipped water from her glass. “I will allow you a few minutes to get your self together.”
      Wale squinted at the window. Determined rays from the sun streamed into the room even though it was barely ten. Somewhere down below, a car tire scrunched against the asphalt. The engine of a bus shuddered to a stop and the doors hissed open. Stall owners’ voices were faint in the distance as they paraded sun hats and ice-lollies. A perfect summer day. Why hadn’t he called in sick? Cancelled the interview?
      “Did you bring your identification documents?” Coleen asked.
      He snapped his head up. “Documents?”
      “Yes. I included the list of acceptable documentation in the email.” She looked a bit irritated. “Your passport?”
      Crap. He’d been hoping she’d forget. “Do you have to see it now?”
      Coleen’s apologetic smile had a life span of about a nanosecond. “Immigration rules.”
      “Uh, of course.” Wale shoved a reluctant hand into his breast pocket. He fished out a passport that had once been vibrantly green and shook it lightly. The frayed edges coughed out a small cloud of thick, black powder.
      He forced a smile. “I dropped it in a pile of soot on my way here.” Yeah right. More like good luck charm from Nigeria to distract immigration officers at Heathrow from staring too hard at the passport. They were usually wary of visitors like him coming into the UK: Immigrants with no prospects of ever returning to their country of origin. The charm had worked. Despite the filth, they hadn’t asked a question when he’d presented it. He placed the document into Coleen’s open hand. “Here you go.”
      “You are a Nigerian citizen?” Coleen asked. She blew away some more of the black powder and flipped to the middle page. She studied the page for a long moment. Wale kept his focus on the space behind her head. To the right was an old Xerox photocopier churning out documents with an industrious hum. He stared at the papers as they floated unto the receiving tray, counting in sync with slow eye movements.
      “Your UK residence permit is a temporary one? Expires in eight months?” Coleen’s eyebrows rose in a probing arc. “This is a permanent position.”
      Wale swallowed, wiped his palms on his thigh. “I will be entitled to a permanent residency real soon.”
      Jennifer suddenly perked up, fluffed the ruffles of the stripped orange shirt underneath her suit. “You certainly will. Won’t you?” Her Irish accent was more pronounced than usual. As it often was when she wanted to be sarcastic.
      He stared pointedly at Coleen. “Syms & Syms offers work permits to foreign workers right? I was thinking of-”
      “We don’t.” Coleen cut in with a frown. “Not anymore. We exceeded our quota for work permits last week. Are you expecting to get a work permit from us?”
      Last week? Talk about bad luck. “No I am not. I was just asking for information purposes. My, uh, wife is a British citizen.” Stupid answer.
      “If you are sure...I guess we can proceed.” Coleen looked at him as though she did not entirely believe him.
      “Hundred percent.” Wale nodded vigorously. “You have nothing to worry about.”
      Jennifer’s cold, cerulean eyes pierced Coleen with a look. “The applicant is an illegal immigrant, and the interview will continue?” She gave half a chuckle. “Is that how Syms & Syms works?”
      Her words stabbed his gut. Illegal Immigrant.
      Coleen’s eyes flicked between them as if to question Jennifer’s sudden coldness. “Andrea, until Wale’s visa runs out, he cannot be considered an illegal immigrant and will be treated fairly. Trust me, when his visa expires, we will know. And we will deal with it then.” She slid the passport across the table. Wale failed to catch it and the document smacked against the ceramic floor and landed by his feet.
      Coleen continued. “Let’s get on with the interview?”
      Jennifer spread her arms out as if to say “whatever.”
      The veins in Wale’s head throbbed. Why didn’t he hit the delete key when the cursed job advert landed in his inbox? Because he was an over ambitious idiot with a bank account the size of a dried pimple, that’s why.
      Coleen looked at him, an expectant expression on her face. “Well?”
      He sighed with weariness, feeling as though he was about to be strapped to an electric chair for a crime he did not commit. Finally he nodded. “I am ready.”

***

      “Africa!” Wale’s colleague called out as soon as he returned to the main office floor of Syms & Syms, the IT project management consulting firm that employed him. Wale groaned as Q stumbled through scurrying assistants and ringing phones towards the cubicle they shared. Q’s real name was Quaddam, but everyone called him Q. They had been working in the same department- Admin and Supplies- since Wale started at the company. Unlike Wale, Q loved the brain- deadening post office runs, monotonous stationary upkeep and general servitude to the entire company that had been their duties for a little over a year. The position gave Q an opportunity to be the first to hear office gossip while it was still sizzling. On the bright side, Q’s enthusiasm usually made Wale’s days slightly shorter and more bearable. But not today.
      “Get lost Q,” Wale muttered. “And stop calling me Africa.”
      Q gripped a bunch of manila files under his arm as though his life depended on it. “Not until I finish my investigation.” He wheeled a spare chair close and slammed his files on top of Wale’s desk, unsettling the dust around the pen holders.
      “What is it?” Wale asked. He reached for a copy of the IT News magazine on his desk, and hoped that Q would take a hint and get lost.
      “Andrea Lennox interviewed you,” Q said, hardly noticing his lack of enthusiasm.
      “Yeah?”
      “She left a massive IT firm in Manchester to help shape things up here for a few months.”
      “And?”
      “Why travel all the way from Manchester to London? Syms & Syms has never been in the Times top hundred IT companies to work for.” Q let out a chuckle. “Or top five thousand.”
      “Your point is?”
      “My point is why?”
      Wale returned to the magazine and fingered it; moving his hands across the images at a snail’s pace. ”I don’t know. Leave me alone.”
      Q nodded but didn’t shift from his position. ”I see the interview didn’t go well?”
      “It was a blast.” Wale replied in perfect monotone. “Go away.”
      “Feisty.” Q wiggled his index finger. “Don’t worry, Wale. You’ll get the job you have always wanted. Then you will get promoted and leave me here all by myself.”
      Wale placed his palm on his chest and feigned distress. “I’m heartbroken.”
      “Okay.” Q sat bolt upright. “One more question and I am gone.”
      “Five seconds.”
       “Are you and Andrea related in any way, shape or form?” Q’s beady eyes shone with curiosity.
      Adrenaline propelled Wale out of his seat. “Me and Jen-Andrea related? Why would you think that?”
      “Just answer me.”
      “Why?”
      “Why do you Africans answer questions with questions?”
      “Are you going to talk or not?”
      “See what I mean?”
      Wale took a deep breath. “This is not the time to muck about.”
      Q tapped his chin and stared at the ceiling as though his answer was engrained in the perforated tiles. Finally, he lowered his head and said, “I just ordered an ID card for the new project manager.”
      “So?”
      “In her passport, her surname is hyphenated.”
      Wale’s heart thumped. “What has that got to do with the price of fish?”
      “Wait till I tell you,” Q said and then paused.
      “I am waiting.”
       “The first half of her name is the same as yours.”
      “Meaning?”
      “Her full name is Andrea Ademola- Lennox.”
      The room whirled. Wale closed his eyes. “No. No way.”
      “Yep,” Q said. “I saw it myself. Now what was that about the price of fish?”

      About the Author
      Abimbola Dare started writing on her blog, www.bimbylads.blogspot.com in 2007. Following the birth of her daughter, she took a break from blogging and wrote the novel, The Small Print which will be released in November 2011. Abimbola Dare is currently on a blog tour and would love to visit your blog to share her story. Please contact her at www.facebook.com/bimbylads or at her website: www.abimboladare.com or http://www.issuu.com/abimboladareauthor/docs/thesmallprintpreviewchapters to read more sample chapters

Quick Thot

2011-11-02T06:38:00.001-05:00

I'm on call for an Autopsy viewing, either tomorrow, Friday or next week Monday. They don't give you a specific date because the person hasn't died yet and as they say, you don't schedule death. I've known about the Autopsy viewing since the beginning of the semester but my group just became officially on call on Monday. The enormity of what i'm about to be a part of didn't really sink in until yesterday. Somewhere in this city, someone's days are numbered. Tick, tock, tick, tock. They most likely don't even know it. It could be anybody. It sank in yesterday while i was studying, and it sobered me up quickly.

What are you doing with your life?
Are you living, existing, or enjoying your life?

The craziness of it all, is that we are all going to die someday, some of us sooner than others.
I'm still trying to find that balance.

There's something i call the arrogance of the living. This refers to when we put important things off because we think we have time. A lady who one of my sister's was very close to died suddenly, unexpectedly in her sleep last March. I saw her a couple weeks before she passed, my sister saw her a couple of days before she passed. She was just 50 years old. 2 of her 4 kids weren't speaking to her before she died. I guess they figured they had time to fix it. I don't have to tell you who took her death the hardest.

Point is, let's slow down, stop and think and make the best we can out of what life has given us. It's never going to be perfect because we are not perfect and we don't live in a ideal world but we can make a conscious effort to try.

Blossom

2011-11-01T00:47:00.000-05:00

I had a classmate named Blossom. My childhood best friend's niece's name is also Blossom. It's a beautiful name. My flowers have blossomed/bloomed and i love it! Makes me happy.
Pink also makes me so happy. Got a pink gift bag today, with the gift inside wrapped in pink. You should have seen me grinning from ear to ear like a Cheshire cat. I don't know what made me happier, the actual gift or all the pink. I'm such a girl.

Friends....I've had many come and go. The first one was a difficult experience. Now? Not so much. I don't hold anyone tightly with both hands, not any more. I don't think i am a perfect friend by any means, mostly because i'm not a perfect person and i don't know everything and i don't always react in the best ways. I stay away from people way more than i embrace people. I am not a very friendly person, at least not initially, but if i consider you my friend, then i pull out all the stops and you can be sure i have your back, 100%. In spite of everything, i still have people who love and care about me. What greater blessing is there than that? I understand that people love the fact that i'm "real" and "down to earth". I don't know any other way to be. I am just being myself.
I got home today to a very unexpected surprise and the sweetest note i've ever received (that i can remember)
This is from someone i tease all the time and call my fake Nigerian friend. I've been home to Atlanta multiple times since i started med school, and i've only made an effort to see him once and his excuse for me was that i must have tons of other people i need to see. The truth is my asocial nature. I barely see anyone when i go home. This note touched me especially because it was SO unexpected.

God has blessed me. Thank you, God!

*For everyone who took the time to comment and leave me a birthday wish (or text me instead of commenting), more blessings are coming your way. I really appreciate all your comments and i'm glad i could share my birthday with you guys.

OCT 29 - My Birthday

2011-10-29T13:31:00.001-05:00

I got flowers! :)

It's my birthday today.
Happy Birthday to me.

Cheesecake later!

Chicken Tikka Masala and Basmati rice

Dulche de leche cheesecake

Flowers and chocolate

It was fixing to be a crummy birthday. Then i got my beautiful flowers which haven't bloomed yet. I bet it would look awesome when it blooms. I'm expecting another bouquet from someone else. Then at 2pm, still in my PJs and wrapper wrapped across my shoulders i got two unexpected visitors who came to hang out with me. That totally turned my day around. Then later another friend shows up and suggests we all go out to eat. My actual birthday dinner was supposed to be tomorrow because one of my friend's birthday is on the 31st and we picked a neutral day to celebrate. Anyway, we went to an Indian restaurant because i really wanted some chicken curry and the food was great.

I'm not on facebook and had no intention of going back just for my birthday. I figured the people who really care about me and are my friends would remember my birthday without the help of facebook. I wasn't interested in the HBD, LLNP comments on my wall. I wasn't disappointed. I have awesome friends. I really do. I got calls from people i least expected. It was great. My good day was marred a little bit by something, but i overlooked it and focused on the wonderful people in my life.

It was a great birthday, even though my father added an extra year to my age. I quickly corrected him and blame it on old age even though he's just 64 and no where near old. He's always underestimating my age, this is the first year he went higher. Anyway, play time is over, time for some micro and path and maybe a Nigerian movie to end the night.

Ciao and thanks to everyone who left me a birthday wish. Much appreciated.

Wacky Words of "Wisdom" from an Overactive Mind

2011-10-27T10:21:00.000-05:00

This is what happens when you "live" inside your head. I'm usually alone and can go a whole day without speaking to anyone and a consequence of that is that i think a lot. I have some moments of profound "wisdom" from time to time but 2 seconds later, i forget my really cool thought. So i decided to start writing them down. They really are not that deep in any way, no profound Dalai Lama type statements. These are just fleeting thoughts that passed through my head in a span of 3 days.

A little thanks goes a long way (Duh!)
Sometimes all you need is a really good look in the mirror.....to make you drop that cookie.
The fear of fruit flies is the beginning of washing your dishes immediately after every meal - I was afflicted with the eighth plague, invasion of the fruit flies after leaving dishes in the sink on multiple occasions. After spending a weekend armed with febreze battling those buggers, i learnt my lesson well.
Common sense really is common. Just stop and think. If all else fails, accept that some people are just dumb or very good actors.
Not everyone is looking out for your best interests. Sometimes, there is a hidden agenda and it might be unconscious too.
Choose very carefully the people you chose to share your troubles with. Your biggest problem might just be fodder for someone else's gist.
Never trust someone who breaks other people's confidences with you. They will do the same to you - No seriously, run from people who have a habit of telling you other people's secrets. Don't be fooled into thinking you are special and they will keep yours. My sister had a friend like that even though i enjoyed hearing the gists, i was very wary of her and warned by sister about her. Boy was i right!!!
Forgiveness is good but a little punishment never hurt anyone. It's called giving you a taste of your own medicine. Maybe next time, you will stop and think.
Rules are meant to be broken. but sometimes it helps to follow the rules. They were made for a reason - Anyone ever heard of those pesky "early" relationship rules? We should talk about them sometime.
Learn to play the game and play it well. If you can't beat them, you might as well join them and then beat them at their game.
Act like you know what you are worth but before that, know exactly how much you are worth (Whether in Naira, Dollars, Pounds, Euro or even Jewellery, Shoes and Bags). LOL. Seriously, know your worth and don't sell yourself short.
If he wants you in his life, he'll work hard to keep you in it. - True story!
What doesn't kill you, could very well scar or maim you. Show me the genius who said it makes you stronger so i can thank him with my closed fist. After all, it won't kill him, it'll only make him stronger.
Tylenol really does work....for minor aches and pains and fast too! Hahaha...I'm an idiot!
Surround yourself with the people who love you and accept you, flaws and all.
Feed your soul with good music.
For every guy that's just not that into you, there are 5 more who are. You might just not be into them but at least you know there's nothing wrong with you. Sometimes, that's just the way the cookie crumbles.
The fear of failure is the beginning of wisdom and many sleepless nights - Don't i know it!
When all else fails, look inwards. Your strength lies within.
Liking someone is not a terminal illness. Just because I like you today doesn't mean i will like you tomorrow, so arrange yourself.
Sometimes there's nothing else to do but to fall back, park well and stay on your lane.
Dance uninhibited. Give in to the sway of the music.
Life is too short but it can also be very long. Find a balance.
True friends are a treasure. Let them know how much they mean to you.
You are okay just the way you are. Learn to love yourself.
Never cease striving to improve yourself. Take each day as a learning experience.
Learn to laugh at yourself. It takes the edge of. - I think one of the best qualities about me is that i laugh at myself all the time. I have some dorky moments and besides that when things start getting too real, i start to make jokes about it. It's a cool coping mechanism which i do unconsciously, but it works.
Everyone needs someone who believes in them, even when they don't believe in themselves. Find your person. - I should tell you guys about my brother one of these days.
Trust your instincts (especially about people). It will never fail you. - Every single time i've gotten into "trouble" with someone be it relationship or platonic friendship, it's because i didn't trust my instinct. I'm very intuitive and perceptive about people. I'm hardly ever wrong.
Don't let life change you.- I've had really funny friends get older and suddenly become too serious, or a once generous person become less giving because they keep getting backstabbed etc etc.. Just be who you are in spite of what life throws at you.
Learn to speak positivity into your life.
Put it out into the universe and you might just get it back. - I think this goes with 31. If you want love in your life, speak it. If you want a needle in the haystack guy, speak it. Whatever you want put it out there in the universe. Sounds kinda of wacky but i believe it works.
Great Value Creamy French dressing and Texas Toast Seasoned croutons in your salad. Oh myyyy! Try it. - Sometimes i eat a salad just for the croutons. No joke.
Let him go. They ALWAYS come back when you stop paying attention. - Oh the stories i could tell you. People like to think that they are so different from anyone else, but i like to think that we are more similar than we are different.How else do u explain totally unrelated people acting in the same exact way. That's why the field of psychology exists.
Sometimes the expiration date is only a suggestion. If it looks good, smells good, and tastes good, you are good to go.- Yeah, those tacos tasted good although they had been "expired" for 2 months. Take this advice with a grain of salt because i will not be held responsible if you end up with food poisoning.
Facebook is an illusion. Don't buy into it. - That's all i'm going to say.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A picture can also leave out a thousand words.
Know when to leave it alone. Just leave it alone.
Do away with useless friendships. No need to surround yourself with snakes and rats. -I am such an all or nothing friend. It's not necessarily a great thing because it means i have very few friends at any given time, but i don't believe in hanging on to people you can't trust or that don't have your back or your best interests at heart. I've seen things! I'll sit in my house and hear the life history of someone i have no business hearing about, intimate details that even with all my ameboness don't want to know, and this is coming from someone's supposed best friend or close friend. No need. Also, see number 7.
Learn to keep secrets, be it something that was confided in you or something you know about someone that would be detrimental to them if it came out. It's not everything you see or hear you should say. Have a filter.
No man is worth changing your last name for. If he is really adamant about the name change, let him change his. After all, it's just a name.
Whenever you start to smell yourself, biko, leave whatever you are doing and go take a shower.- LOL. That's all i will say on that.
If you are talking to more than one guy at the same time, save yourself a lot of trouble and explanations in the future and call all of them the same nickname. Babe, baby or Mr. would do. - No, i am not guilty of this particular offense. I'm just trying to help you guys.
There's nothing you can do about that evil pimple. Just accept that's it's going to show up faithfully once a month in the center of your forehead looking like it's alive.
You can't force someone to like you, neither can you force someone to want to be your friend. Accept the truth and move on.
It's never as good as the first time. - Should i clarify? :)
Know your role!

I got bored with it and stopped, as you can see, it ends at 47 which is such an odd number.

Maybe i will bore you guys next with 100 things about me. Ha! I bet you would like that. Let's see how long it takes me to do that. I have books to read o, so maybe later or on my birthday or never. Dunno.

*I got an award plus i was supposed to blow my trumpet. Can we just accept this and my previous post in lieu of that? Right now the only thing i can think of to be "proud" of is that i am resilient enough not to have sunken into the depths of depression. I thank God for small mercies.

*So which ones did you like or not like? By the way, number 41 was a JOKE!!!
I bet i got a lot of people worked up over that. Hahaha!!

Sting's Digest 101

2011-10-24T15:10:00.000-05:00

Now that the madness is over (temporarily, very temporarily in fact) and mediocrity reigns as usual (insert long drawn out sigh here), i shall fulfill my promise and answer those questions (mostly because i'm too strung out to sleep and that idiot Time warner guy disconnected my free cable plus i need to take my mind off things)

N.I.L (Naijamum in London)September 3, 2011 3:07 PM
Question: What area of Medicine do you hope to specialise in?
To be honest, i have no clue what i want to specialize in. My main aim right now is to pass all my classes which is not such a breeze. I am interested in Oncology, Hematology, Peds and lately Surgery, but i really don't know where i will end up.

BeautifulSeptember 3, 2011 3:21 PM
Questions - why don't you sometimes handle criticism well? Like ur blog though.
This question is based on an assumption that i don't handle criticism well (at least sometimes). LOL. I don't think anyone handles criticism well all the time. I get irritated easily and if it's not constructive criticism from someone i respect then the chances i will entertain it are slim. Believe it or not, i don't get criticized regularly in real life and when i do it's about the same thing and i know whoever is talking means well, so i shut up and plan to do better.
TecknicoleurGrlSeptember 3, 2011 3:33 PM
Question: what would you rather be doing with your life right now?
I love this question!!! Someone recently asked me sometime along those lines. If it were up to be, i would be done with med school and residency and be practicing. I would have a husband (or not husband. I don't necessarily have a strong desire to be married at this time) who adores me and a daughter that looks just like me and a non-yappy toy dog breed. The worst thing about my life right now is that i'm a student and i have to study so much (kind of in isolation) and i really don't have a life. I want to live and have fun with the people who love me and the people that i love.

TheRustGeekSeptember 3, 2011 4:00 PM
Question - If you had to do life all over again, what one thing would you want to change most?
I would have had more fun in undergrad instead of being so focused on getting good grades and building up my resume to get into med school. I would definitely take the time to make friends, hang out, party and travel.
IbhadeSeptember 3, 2011 4:42 PM
Question: do you indeed to relocate back to 9ja after your studies and practice?
That's not likely to happen anytime soon. 99% of my immediate family is here so i really have no incentive to go back to Nigeria to practice. However, i would love to take part in medical mission trips to Nigeria, so hopefully i can do that when the time comes.

kitkatSeptember 5, 2011 2:17 AM
Question: how do you handle criticism?
It really depends on who is doing the criticizing, what is been criticized and what side of the bed i woke up on :)
dollSeptember 5, 2011 8:54 AM
Question: Do you regret the whole medical school ish? ever wish you went for something not complicated at all?
Absolutely not! Being in medical school is a dream come true. I have wanted to be a doctor since i was 6 years old and i have never once changed my mind. This has been the toughest thing i have ever had to do, from undergrad, to applying, to actually getting in and staying in, it has been difficult and mentally challenging but there is nothing else i would rather be doing. This journey which is still in progress, has shown me the kind of stuff i am made of. I am a warrior. I never give up. I will fight for what i want. I'm still fighting.
ToinliciousSeptember 5, 2011 10:28 AM
question: what's your worst fear?
Failure. I have recurring dreams about it. Now that i have actually experienced it, it's not so bad. The key is to pick yourself up (scrap yourself off the floor if you have to) and don't give up. You haven't failed unless you give up on something you really want.

OkeogheneSeptember 5, 2011 7:05 PM
Question: Can I ask you 3 questions? How would you like cupid to hit you? Why don't you want love in your life now?
You only asked 2 questions but i forgive you. I wouldn't like cupid to hit me. Love is a distraction. If it's mutual and the other party is constantly behaving himself, then it's a good thing, but that's usually not the case and i don't have the power for it. I don't handle stuff like that very well and it takes my focus away from school, which is never a good thing. It's really all about finding a balance and i'm not there yet. Maybe i need to practice finding a balance but not right now.
Myne WhitmanSeptember 6, 2011 3:23 PM
Have you ever been in love? Whats your best cheesecake?
Hmmm.. Yes, i've been in love (i think). There's only one guy i can think of that i have really been in love with. My first boyfriend and it was pure unadulterated puppy love.
I shrieked in excitement when i saw the cheesecake questions. Ohhh....i loveeee cheesecake. My best cheesecake so far is the dulche de leche cheesecake from cheesecake factory. Thankfully my birthday is coming up so i get to indulge.
TeboySeptember 9, 2011 3:02 AM
My question now is; What do you think about being very good blogfriends with me?
Sure!

GingerSeptember 9, 2011 11:06 PM
Question - whats your deal breaker in a relationship?
Lies!!! Just tell me the truth no matter how difficult. I appreciate honestly. If i can't trust you, what's the point of the relationship. I don't have time to be suspicious and playing detective up and down. Abeg.

Things you said about my personality/me that was 100% spot on

Cautionary Tale

2011-10-23T04:04:00.001-05:00

What's this?

This is what too much studying does to you. Extra body parts. BEWARE!!! Don't say i didn't warn you. Leave that book alone.......

:o

Okay, fine. It's possible i was born with that. But still.....it could happen. lol.

Ashawo Bacteria

2011-10-22T23:24:00.002-05:00

"Many pathogenic bacteria are promiscuous with their DNA" -- Isn't that something? So there are ashawos even among the prokaryotes.

Hahaha!!! Don't mind me o. I'm catching trips anyway i can :)

Attack

2011-10-19T19:15:00.000-05:00

I just had a full blown, can't breath, body trembling, need to throw up, panic attack. I don't know how i can get all this done well before Monday. I had gone over all 22 lectures twice by wednesday of last week, but i can't remember jack. I am so stressed out. I have to make an A on this next test. Absolutely have to. To make things worse, we had to go to the eye clinic to learn how to do eye exams and we all had to have one eye dilated. Which meant over two hours after i got home from the clinic, i still had blurry vision = had to close one eye to try to study = Not a lot of work done.

I have to be in school all day tomorrow. First H and P/ Physical exam workshop in the morning, Pathways in the afternoon. I want to run away. I'm so stressed out!

overwhelmedx10.com

Cookies

2011-10-17T22:03:00.001-05:00

White chocolate chip/chunk macademia nut cookies. My absolute favorite cookies in the whole wide world :). I love the ones from Subway (which i haven't had since 2009) and there's a particular brand i get from Walmart whenever i buy them. I'm not a big snack person. It doesn't matter from where i get them, i love them any day or any time. But not these :(

I've been craving these since last Thursday and i finally gave in and left my house with the sole purpose of getting these ones. Too much sugar, too little flour. I considered tossing them (after eating 3) but i figured someone else might like 'em, so i'm taking them with me to school tomorrow. They will surely find a good home in someone else's stomach. I seem to have lost my sweet tooth. Unbelievable. Another thing i can't believe i have stopped liking is MEAT. I never, ever thought that day would come. I used to love meat. It was my signature "move". Everyone in my family knows that about me. I was the kid that would get in trouble for pilfering meat from the pot. My mom has punished me on a couple of occasions by giving me a huge bowl of fried beef to finish. The poor woman, i just sat there and ate to my heart's content. On my birthdays, all i would request is meat. I didn't care about jollof rice or fried rice or even cake. I remember eating a whole bush meat my mom bought by myself and begging my sister to say we ate it together cos my mom would have killed me.

I haven't even bought meat since i came back to school in August, but i have eaten it though. Got some from the Nigerian Independence day party i went to and i had a burger at a friend's house. Other than that, i have been meatless and have no desire for the thing. My mom would not believe if i told her. I'm really surprised about it myself cos sometimes the thought of it disgusts me and this actually started last semester. More power to my colon cos it will benefit from my meatless state.

Back to cookies, I absolutely hate Oatmeal Raisin cookies. Like, are you serious? Who invented those things? What's your favorite and least favorite cookie?

In pimple news, the tame looking one, has suddenly grown aggressive. It has doubled in size and looks angry. I'm not sure why because i'm the one who should be angry cos it hijacked my forehead. I've been good and not touched either and they were the last thing on my mind when i went to school today. I had bigger problems.

Exam tomorrow. I'm so sick of doing the readings. It never ends, hence the need to blog. Thankfully, it's ethics. I am not underestimating it by any means but thank God for classmates who do summaries and pass around old tests. I am going to sleep for 2 hours and tackle that baby all night. To say i am tired, is an understatement. I have been popping Tylenol every day like it's candy.

My life is so much FUN! Ha!!!

Look Alive

2011-10-16T20:24:00.001-05:00

Can someone be nice enough to explain what is going on on my forehead? I've never suffered from acne, expect for a certain time last year when i would get one single pimple in the center of my forehead, every month. Look at these ones looking all alive and shit, and i have to go to school tomorrow. This is crazy.

*Yes, those are my real eyes and half eyebrows. I couldn't find sexier ones to borrow for this photo shoot. In case you are wondering, I have my wrapper over my head. I have to have something over my head when i study, it's usually a hoodie unless it's warm enough in my apartment, then it's my trusty wrapper. It is totally a security blanket.

What am i going to do about these pimples?

P.S. For the sake of full disclosure and TMI, i do get the occasional period pimple, but that's not what this is. Does stress cause pimples? I think so. I don't know abeg. I'm going back to read my books jor.

Report Card of a Great White Shark

2011-10-16T03:43:00.000-05:00

I should just rename this blog Lamentations of a Great White Shark. Don't ask me who the great white shark is, i have no clue where that thought came from. It's 3.28am and all i really want to do is sleep, but alas (i miss ms. Nitty Gritty aka Ibhade, she liked that word), i'm just getting started. As to why i have been disabling comments, only Jehovah knows. My brain has been touching, but we all know that happens from time to time.

Got an exam on Monday, another on Tuesday and another on Monday the 24th. I need a miracle on Elm street on the 24th. Hell, i need a miracle to make it to the 24th. I finally made to time to cook. Made some brown rice, baked fish and mixed veggies and i also went grocery shopping in the pouring rain to get some eggs, yogurt, fruit, juice, croutons, maifun noodles and salad. I'm set for the next week

Monday through Saturday

It doesn't seem like a lot. I'm doing my best though and really hope it pays off. I need to see some results. I'm bursting my ass here, Lord. Microbiology has put the fear of God in me. It's my Physiology of last semester.

This song has been helping me preserve my sanity. I'm in love with the chorus.

Dinner

2011-10-13T08:11:00.001-05:00

Dinner last night

Chicken with Rice....It tastes just as it looks. You be the judge of that. I could barely stomach the thing, but it was hot and i was hungry and in the library so i swallowed a few bites. I didn't make this mess, it was from a can. I feel like i'm starving half the time. I haven't had time to cook in a while. I'm actually losing weight but this is by force weight loss, not anything i am actively trying to do at this point. Our schedule is so much crazier than last year but some people like it. I don't. It seems like we are ALWAYS studying for one exam or another, with no time in between to decompress plus there's SO much busy work. I'm just taking deep breaths, readjusting my thoughts as needed, holding tightly onto my sanity and emotions and getting by as best as i can.

I'm so looking forward to OCT 29!!! But i feel like i have to rock all my exams this month so i can enjoy it properly so i'm making all efforts to make that happen. I really just want flowers (no red roses), however, i have serious doubts about getting those. One of my guy friends in Naij thinks i'm a weird naija girl for just wanting flowers. I'm sure there are other things i could want if i think hard enough (well, i don't even have to think hard cos i'm a major brokie), but that's what i really want. It would be doubly nice to get them from someone special, but the only special person in my life right now is my 2 year old niece :)

*If u have no clue what's happening on OCT 29, first of all, wag of the finger to you, second of all :) It's the day a super star was born! Yep! True story.

I refuse to Hear this Alone - Bini girl vs. Ibo Guy

2011-10-10T23:30:00.002-05:00

Abeg, you people should follow me to hear this one o. My sis just sent me the audio and as soon as i heard the first line, i cracked up big time. I had heard this mess last year from facebook but it was quickly taken down. Some of you might have heard it already, it was titled "Bini girl....." I can't remember the rest of the title. To say i was SPEECHLESS after listening to it, is an understatement. I left what i was doing after i got the mail a few minutes ago, converted the audio from amr to mp3, slapped on a picture and made a video, so i could upload it for your listening pleasure, really. You can thank me now.

Yes, the chic is a Bini girl, through and through. There's always the possibility that she is not bini by tribe, but trust me when i say she was bred and buttered on the STREETS of Benin-City. Keyword: Streets. I know my people when i hear them :) (But i wasn't raised on the streets lol). I was SHOCKED at the words that were coming out of her mouth. This girl fall my hand die. This is a hot topic for me because my ILP is focused on HIV awareness and prevention. AIDS no go lia lia finish. We have a long way to go in terms of educating people.

<

I miss

2011-10-10T22:02:00.002-05:00

I miss my niece.....
Who is a spitting image of my sister....but on a very good day, she could pass as my child, cos she looks like me too. Then again, me and my sister used to pass for twins, when we were younger. I met one of my sister's in-laws this past summer, first words out his mouth was "Wow, you look like your sister". Why, thank you. That's why she's my sister.

I miss my therapist.....
Nothing compares to having someone who is there to listen to you, and help you think and figure out things, without passing any judgment, or imposing anything on you. Just there to listen, and steer and guide, and help you understand and open your eyes. I still have the rock. It's supposed to signify strength. Sometimes i don't know if i'm strong enough. I feel broken. But then i stop and think and look back on how far i've come. I really am one strong African woman. What do you know?

I miss my doggie.....
whom i had to give up because i had to go away to med school. I really miss my dog, Lenie, dog of my life. My baby. Complete affection, and devotion and unconditional reciprocated love. I used to miss him so much, and then i got used to not having him, then i was with him for a short while last year, but he was no longer mine, he followed my sister around the way he used to follow me :( We bonded again, but then i had to leave and this time it was easier. But on days when everything is going crazy and i feel so down and alone, i miss my doggie. I really do.I have no clue where he is right now cos my sister just moved out of state and had to give all the dogs up :(((( One of my friends in med school said initially she thought i wasn't Nigerian-nigerian because i was so into my dog (cos we had interacted via facebook and roommate search list before we actually started school)

Lenie and Kimiko

*I have so much work to do. I feel like i'm about to have a nervous breakdown and to think i am participating in this madness without the aid of any sort of caffeine, be it coffee, soda, energy drinks etc etc.

It is well! This is such a stinking platitude that Nigerians like to spew, but sometimes what else is there to say?

Lamentation 007

2011-10-09T21:44:00.001-05:00

I hate med school
I hate my life............right now.
This is not humanly possible. I have been on this chair since 5am, no freaking break. I haven't even taken a shower or properly eaten. I feel like i'm starving but I have completely lost my appetite. I'm so scared because the demon that is my stomach doesn't play that. I need to feed it regularly so it can give me peace. Still, i have to get all this done.
I really, really, really, couldn't care less about these SOAP notes and how to do them, but seeing how it cares a lot about me, i have to do them. One down, one to go.
I am so going to bullshit my way through that ILP (individualized learning plan). If only my pathway advisor didn't have to approve it.
Was i supposed to stop being human and become a freaking machine?
I am tired!
I HATE MED SCHOOL. I do, i really do.
But i so want to be a doctor. I do, i really do.
I really wanted to write some of this on twitter, but it's a "happy" place. I never see anyone lamenting about their lives over them (although, i'm hardly ever on there). So i guess i will just confine my lamentations to this space.
I'm fine.
I will be fine.
I'm okay.

Weekend plans

2011-10-09T17:38:00.000-05:00

This is my agenda for this weekend. I'm supposed to go over 6 lectures of Path and 3 lectures of Micro 3 times. It's a very tall order, given how many slides each lecture is, but i'm behind because i spent two+ days this week sleeping and wallowing without doing any school work. It's payback time. Envy me. Plus i've got two H & P write ups and my ILP to do over the weekend. No, really, envy me. My life is wonderful.

My walkman came :) I fed my soul :) :). Truth be told, i prefer my ipod. This thing makes some serious noise as the tape is rolling. It's serving its purpose though, so i can't complain.

Have a good weekend guys.

Update

5.30pm Sunday Evening

I am so freaking behind. I am going to be in deep shit if i don't pull it together somehow. If only i can say i have been on my P's and Q's but i have not. I've been bothering myself over STUPID SHIT! God save me from fools who are working on their own destruction with eyes wide open. Fools in the case, being me. I need deliverance.

Hanging out with Clippy my female binder clip robot :)

Peace, Love and Happiness

2011-10-06T19:41:00.002-05:00

.....and light!This and much more I wish for myself and for all the good people of this world.

I want a tribute video for my birthday. I shouldn't have to die before the people who love me tell me how much I mean to them, on my facebook wall or at my funeral. Tell me now! I told u guys i was strange. So what are the chances of me getting a tribute video? If i say nothing, Zilch! But if i say something to the right people or person, i just might get it. I don't think there's a right person though at this point. I'll probably just make myself one, that way if i die, it can be played at my funeral :)

See....i like to make life easy for people, even at my death.

I think about death and dying ALL the time. I often wonder when my time is going to be up and how i'm going to go. Best way to die, is in your sleep without any illness. Sudden death! Sucks for the people you leave behind, but great for the dead. A lot of people are skittish about death. In case u haven't heard, the mortality rate is 100%

We had to practice giving bad news last week before our "bad news OSCE" (practical exam) this week and while i was role playing with one of my classmates, he as the "patient" asked me if he was going to die. I just started cracking up, which in turn made him laugh, and we were being evaluated so we could see what we needed to improve. When i heard the question, all that popped into my head to respond to him, was "Yes!", but i couldn't say it like that and i didn't know what else to say. Anyhoo, i did "outstanding" on the real thing, or so says my standardized patient who is a doctor in real life, so i'll take it he knows what he's talking about :)

Reason Number 1051 Why I am a Weirdo

2011-10-05T19:52:00.000-05:00

I have been having an absolutely, totally, completely, CRAPPY week. There are no more tears to cry at this point. It's bad enough that i've lost my appetite completely, AND i'm an emotional eater! Then i thought of something but then i felt bad because i thought i would never see said thing again. I went online to try to find some sort of copy of it, but i couldn't and it made me sadder and my day feel crappier. So i sat down and thought about how attached i was to said thing before i left home and wondered if i took it with me 2 years ago when i packed all my property into my car and headed out to begin this nightmare. Nah! I've moved apartments and i don't recall seeing it. My mind said, check those shoe boxes on top ur hallway closet, and i did. I opened the second box, and i saw it and it made me SMILE, my first genuine smile in a week and i almost shed a tear, but i didn't. Here's what i found.

I LOVE this woman's music. Absolutely, freaking love her even though i don't understand a word she's saying. She sings in Etsako and she speaks to a part of my soul that i don't readily have access to. I feel like there was a time i was on this earth when i understood her, maybe in my past life, after all, i am supposed to be my paternal grandmother reincarnated :) I love her (my paternal grandmother) even though i never met her. I absolutely 100% believe that she's one of my guardian angels. Sounds crazy, doesn't it. *shrugs*

Music is the one thing that is guaranteed to make me feel better even if it's for a second. Finding this tape is one of the best things that has happened to me in a while. In case you are wondering, no, i have no means of playing the tape. That bummed me out for all of one second, until i remembered the power of amazon.com and the joy of free two day shipping. I ordered a walkman. *gasps* I know. Everyone is moving forward and here i am taking 10 technology steps back. It's worth it though, i need to hear this music. My soul needs feeding, the way only she can. This totally made my day and i am almost happy.

I'm going to blog more often, although i find that i have less time. I can't breathe. Everything is choking me and i feel so out of control of the situation and of myself. Writing has always been therapeutic, so i'm going to do what brings me peace in this crazy world i'm in. I don't know when i'm going to be able to find time to pull those questions and answer them, probably the last week of this month. I haven't forgotten about them though. I'm at the point where i want to push people away and shut everyone out. I feel like i need to regroup and refocus so i can get a grip on myself. I've turned off my phone, deactivated facebook, left skype alone, I just want to not deal with anyone for now.

In spite of my asocial leanings, I so need a hug.

P.S I'm such a thief. I stole this tape from my brother-in-law in 2004 because he borrowed a tape of mine and refused to return it. So on one fateful day, i managed to get into his car, steal my tape back and stole this one to compensate myself for all my troubles :)
*Everyone in my family knows my love for this woman's music. I'm the only one who listens to it I lost this tape a few years ago and my sister found it, and kept it until it was my birthday and gave it to me as a surprise. That's how much i love her.

Forgiveness

2011-09-30T01:06:00.002-05:00

Alright guys, i need you to help me figure this one out. I understand the concept of forgiving but not forgetting. Makes perfect sense to me. Although i am of the opinion that true forgiveness also includes forgetting, but i understand when people say they have forgiven someone but haven't forgotten. My question for you guys is, how can you be mad at someone but say you have forgiven them? Those two things don't go together in my book. I'm mad at you but i have forgiven you o_O. I am confused.

When you forgive someone, doesn't it automatically mean you are no longer mad at them? Help me out here.

P.S Peep the Food blog list on my side bar. I hope to utilize it when i get a chance to breath. You guys can thank me later. If u know any other food blogs you would like me to add to the list, leave it in the comments section.
*9jaFoodie, my non-blogger friend loves you and she says your husband is going to enjoy. I concur.

How to catch a husband

2011-09-26T20:57:00.000-05:00

If you are a bright and intelligent woman, please dumb yourself down. Men don't want intelligent women, tone it down until u reel him in. So says, Patti Stanger of the Millionaire Matchmaker. Of course, i paraphrased. This is the second time i'm reading something like this, this week.

I'm not even going to speak on that. She is currently attempting to apologize for that statement amongst other offensive ones she made about Jews and Gays. The thing that is bursting my head right now is that i just found out that she is 50 years old. Five-Zero!!! I am flabberwhelmed. I would have sworn she was in her 40's. Am i the only one who didn't know this? Plastic surgery can be a blessing o. Ehn??!!!

I hope none of you came here hoping i would teach you how to catch a husband. LOL. I sorry for you. Make i catch my own husband first before i start to teach anyone how to do am. Even then sef, i don't think i would be able to teach anyone anything about that. What do i know?

*In other news, i don tire to study o. I need some fun in my life.
**In other more exciting news....It's about to be October, the month a super star was born. Yelz ke! Unfortunately for said super star, she has 4 exams, on 3 weeks out of the 4 weeks in October plus one mental status exam plus 2 role plays and 4 H& P reports, plus ILP to come up with and submit, plus....... Arghh!!! Kill me now.
***In other not so exciting news, i am totally and utterly convinced that the women who cornrowed my hair was trying to kill me. Ye! I did this thing since Saturday and my part is still actively throbbing. O gini? Na me kill Jesus? I haven't cornrowed my hair since 2005, so it's taking some getting used to seeing myself look like this. Oh well, it's all good. I no dey find husband.

*Cough, cough...Liar!!!* But for real though, i'm naaat....humm. lol. I'm foolish. That much i know.

Muah x10

Do you look your age, older or younger than you age?
Which do you prefer? (I have a friend who likes that she looks way older than her age)

Thinking

2011-09-25T21:38:00.002-05:00

Something's wrong
Something is definitely wrong.....
I'm not sure what it is
So, how do i fix it?

Only a crazy person does the same thing and expects a different result.........
Wa wa we wa......
I tire!

*Taps fingers on table*

This is such a bullshit blog post. LOL. It's better than nothing, right?

Learning how to cook soup

2011-09-23T05:07:00.000-05:00

If you've read my blog for a while, you'll know that i didn't actually start cooking regularly until 2009. I "theoretically" knew how to cook a lot of different types of food because my mother was a tyrant about getting us in the kitchen to watch her, but most times she wouldn't let us cook or we just were not interested as she was more than willing to cook or someone else was there to cook. Since starting to cook, i've discovered i have a natural aptitude for it and actually enjoy it. Anyway, a few minutes ago as i was sitting here studying, i was thinking about how i need to step up my soup game because i can only really make Okra and Egusi soup and i haven't even made either of those this year cos i don't eat soup, unless i'm home and my mom makes them. Look at the pictures and notice the last line....I thought that was hilarious. It was supposed to be ".....into blood" not into soups.Too funny.

*If you wondering why i am thinking of cooking soup at 5am, let's just say i'm hungry. I need someone to start taking care of me, like a house husband or something.

Sting vs. Anonymous

2011-09-20T16:48:00.001-05:00

Anytime I feel as exhausted and overwhelmed as I currently do right now, which is pretty much all d time, I just want to find that anonymous commenter and slap her. You seriously dared to question d madness that is med school? I haven't slept properly in over 2 weeks. Just know that u r the object of my frustration from now on. LOL. Not! It's dt serious. Yeye girl :)

Meanwhile, I'm watching the gang rape case. I'm praying something comes out of this. A few years ago my ex's younger brother had the girl he was asking out gang raped by 4 boys right before his eyes. The guys had come to rob them. This happened in Doctor's quarters in uniben. It's a really sad state of affairs in Nigeria and in the rest of the world because this happens everywhere, all the time. May God help us all.

Clarification

2011-09-16T08:09:00.001-05:00

I had made up my mind earlier to stop participating in the "homosexuality" debate on blogsville mostly because i think it's futile and i don't believe in FORCING my opinion on anybody. However, it's hard for me to look the other way when it seems like someone is propagating hate and discrimination over any group of people, gay or not.
Anti-gay vs. Pro-gay? I'm neither. I am Pro-equality for all and Anti-hypocrisy.
I cannot stand people who are blinded by "religion" and cannot or will not stop and think sometimes. I don't care what the issue is, because people use the bible (or religion) to justify a lot of things and they twist it to suit their purposes.
I did not put up my previous post to serve as a platform for anything. In fact, i considered disabling comments for that post, but never one to throw stones and hide, i left the comment section open. In hindsight, i should have disabled comments on the post.
As for thriving on controversy, according to a spineless anonymous commenter, I have been blogging since 2007, how many controversies have i been in the middle of? Forgive me if i won't remain passive and look the other way over issues that are important to me.
As for not being hard pressed as a medical student as i would like you to believe, you should have just come right out and say that you don't even believe i'm in med school. Spend a week in med school before you open your stinking mouth and speak on it.There are 17 weeks in this semester and i have exams on 9 weeks out of those 17. What do you know about anything, you fool.
I will gladly go drown in a cup of water, after you and your whole family have drowned in it. Spineless coward. Anonymous my ass. Yes, i went there and i will go there again.

I've wasted precious time on this issue. I'm officially done. Please, feel free to stop reading my blog if you don't like me. I really couldn't care less. I don't blog for you or anybody else.

Re-Don't be afraid to be Anti-Gay

2011-09-15T05:53:00.000-05:00

It's 5.30am, i'm exhausted but after reading a particular comment, i just had to do this. I saw the post earlier today, didn't have the time, energy or interest to comment. If you read my blog, you would at least have a sense of where i stand in the homosexuality issue. While i might not support what someone is saying, i believe we are all entitled to our opinions and beliefs, so i will defend someone's right be to able to say what they want to say. Afterall, it's a free world and if while stating your opinion, you end up looking like an o_O, it's all on you. For the sake of clarity, this comment is what i am referring to.

As long as you are not gay, you have no leg to stand on to say it is a CHOICE. When did you decide to like the opposite sex? Have you ever been faced with that choice? Don't speak on what you don't know or are you a professor specializing in Homosexual studies?
"Being gay is a bigger sin than committing adultery or having premarital sex". Blood of Jesus, hold me back. Are you FREAKING kidding me? After you just said "although a sin is a sin". Na wa o. Behold the second coming of christ. So now we get to pick and chose which is a bigger sin.

So while i support Kit kat's right to believe what she believes and say what she wants to say, since it's a free world, i'm also allowed to have an opinion on it. Amongst other things, I find the title of that post to be very OFF. Don't be afraid to be Anti-Gay? What exactly do you mean by anti-gay? It's easy to say, i don't mind the people, i just don't like the act. Hmmm.... Ok! No problem then. Where do you draw the line? Can you really separate the person from the act? How will you feel if someone says, Don't be afraid to be Anti-Black? Oh yeah, they already said it and did it and people are still paying a price for it till today. I don't know though. I'm going to sleep.

*I had decided sometime ago to leave this homosexuality issue alone but i just can't help myself, apparently.
**I apologize in advance to Iwalewa and Kit Kat, who may or may not be offended by this post. It's nothing personal.
*** While there were other comments that caused me to raise an eyebrow, Iwalewa's comment got my goat. A sin is a sin is a sin. We don't get to chose which is a bigger sin and saying "in my opinion" doesn't make it any better.- This is one of my main problems with religion and the religious, you pick and chose. So at the end of the day, everyone ends up being a hypocrite.

ETA
Here's a nice rebuttal to my post, where Ms. Iwalewa was nice enough to not explain herself to me :)
I think Sugabelly's post is worth a read too. Although, if you were pressed for time and you had to pick one to read, i'll say pick Sugabelly's, cos Iwalewa's was a whole lot of fuming at the mouth and not much substance.

Knock Knock and Bedmatics 101(?)

2011-09-09T21:20:00.000-05:00

It feels weird not blogging regularly. There's just no time. Just wanted the 5 or 10 or 15 or 500 of you who care to know that i'm still alive :) and enjoying my own little slice of hell everyday. I saw the questions and the "tells". Very funny assumptions. I will answer the questions whenever i get a breather. Why can't i be like other people and just abandon my blog? It would be SO easy to do right now.

P.S. You guys better be missing me. It's by force o.

Question: (Mostly because i want to keep you guys occupied in my absence).
Is it true that most Nigerian women are passive in bed? My friend said something the other day that made me laugh. He said "they just lay there like dead bodies". That cracked me the hell up. Coincidentally, the next day, i received my Glamour for the month and they talked about the same thing.


This is too funny.

So i guess it's not Nigerian women per se but "some women" Why do you think "some women" thing it's okay to just lay there and provide a warm hoo ha. I read somewhere recently about a guy whose wife never wanted to have sex and when he would pester her enough she would say "oya come and enter". lol. Of course he didn't like that because she wouldn't "participate". Are any of you guilty of the "laying there like a dead body syndrome" lol....I don't expect anyone to answer that and confess to their iniquities, at least not on my blog. Seriously though, is there a bedmatics 101 course out there, or na to just resort to watching blue film aka porno. lol. I'm seriously cracking myself up. This is what micro has reduced me to. I don't expect a lot of responses to my question because you know how we Nigerians are. We are all "vargins" until after we have our first child :) All you guys who want to marry vargins, how do you expect to eat your cake and have it? Oya come and confess, where did you acquire your skills from? Do you even have skills sef? If you are shy, you can whisper it in my ear..... (:

Ciao people. I have my first exam on Monday. Wish me luck.

Miss me o! I mean it!!!!

*The million dollar question is if i really expect people to answer my questions.
**How i managed to come up with a proper post, i don't know. This was supposed to be a short paragraph post. See the first P.S? That's where it was supposed to end. I'm trying to keep you guys entertained in my absence. Now say thank you.

You are welcome.

LATEST DBANJ OLIVER TWIST VIDEO (PARODY)

2011-09-09T12:49:00.000-05:00

Ask! (and tell)

2011-09-03T12:50:00.001-05:00

Ask me anything. Why? Because I'm currently on blogging probation and can't blog. I bet I will find your questions quite entertaining. Ask me serious questions or not so serious questions. I'm partial to silly questions (well, in this instance not in everyday life :) I have locked myself out of my blog and blogger. The only way I can access blogs right now is through my phone and I don't like it so much. I'll tell u guys how I did it if u r interested. So yeah humor me with u questions which I will answer when I can come back. Only Jehovah knows at this point. While u r at it, you might as well thank God for giving you a break from the mad woman that calls herself Madame Sting :)

Oh yeah.... to make this more fun (for me, really), I have decided to add the "and tell" part of this exercise. So you can not only ask me questions, but you can also tell me stuff. Stuff like what? How do u think i am in real life?

Am I tall or short?
Light or dark skinned
Good looking, average or aesthetically challenged.
Fat, plump, chubby, skinny or thin
How old am i?
Do i look like a child or a grown woman?
Does the name Madame Sting fit my personality and what i look like in real life?
What kind of person do you think i am?
Am i a troublemaker or a peacemaker?
Am i quiet or talkative?

Etc etc....feel free come up with your own stuff. Now for those of you who either know me or have seen my picture you are not eligible to participate in the "and tell" portion unless you are telling me stuff that doesn't have to do with how i look or anything you already know cos that would be cheating, but you can ask!

Have fun with it. Go crazy but not too crazy.

Mercy said 'YES!'

2011-08-29T08:32:00.005-05:00

Cue

2011-08-29T05:13:00.005-05:00

It seems like i've gotten my first cue to stop pussy footing around and focus on my books. It seems like someone took a sharp turn into paranoiaville and decided to drag me along for the ride. No, ma'am. Not happening. I think the "accusations" both direct and implied are laughable and very left field but nevertheless irritating because that was the last thing on my mind.

With that being said, if i leave comments on your blog and you think i'm hating on you or they are out of pocket, please i'm begging you, let me know so i won't waste my time anymore. The crazy thing is i don't comment on a lot of the blogs i read so for someone to think i would go out of my way to hate on them is ludicrous.

Yes, i know i can be blunt but i'm never mean spirited and i'm also a fair person. I don't have a problem apologizing when i'm wrong but on the other hand, i don't suffer fools gladly. With that being said, i will leave people's blogs alone and focus on important things, like the microbiology that is doing me strong thing right now.

ETA
I put this post up on Saturday with the link to the offending post and my comments. I decided to take it down and delete my comments on the post because I just can't give everything equal importance and frankly this shouldn't even be on my list of slightly important things i should pay attention to. However, because i deleted my comments, it's left to the imagination of anyone who reads as to what i initially said and blog owner can now conveniently play victim. Very interesting.

Point of putting up this post again?
1. Pay attention to the paragraph in red
2. I think cowardly anonymous commenters should be hunted down and eliminated. If not for anything, simply for the fact that they are a spineless nuisance. Put a name to your comments, then you would have relevance. This is the reason why i don't allow anonymous comments. I take note of the people who address me as Sting vs. Madame Sting. Anyone who calls me Sting is more likely than not a blogger and an older blogger for that matter. So please put a name to ur comment and i will pay attention to you.

P.S. I still think it's pretty senseless* to say you won't date someone because they are NICE. It's my opinion and if you don't want to hear it you can moderate comments or not allow comments at all.
*My choice of words didn't come out my ass, Ms. blogger gave a list of reasons why she didn't want to date said guy, including the fact that he was nice, and then she proceeds to ask if it made sense. Well, it didn't make sense to me, so i said NO.

This was not meant to be a dialogue more like a memo, hence the disabled comments. Read, take what you please out of it and keep it moving :)

Colors

2011-08-27T18:43:00.003-05:00

Anything to make me feel better about my life. I wish coloring all the pages of my micro notes would make it easier to understand, but it won't. At least they are pretty to look at, so i'll just keeping looking at them and wishing i could rewind time. I want my summer back. I'm not ready for all of this.

P.S. Peep a glimpse of the offending micro.
* Yeah, u guessed right. I have nothing to blog about (well, not really. There's always stuff). I just don't want to study.

Black Girls Are Easy: This is a very interesting blog, btw. Sometimes he doesn't make sense but most times he does. I like the insight into a male perspective. His latest post is on texting and relationships (serious paraphrasing on my part). I'm so not a texter, although I can text from now till tomorrow. I mean, as i speak, i have used close to a 1000 text messages this cycle and only about 340 talk minutes, but talking is still my preferred mode of communication. I don't like to chat either but i do both because that's the way the world works now. I definitely will not be impressed with a guy who wants to chat me up primarily by texting. I hear the preferred method now is bbm. I've never had a blackberry, so i wouldn't know. Seriously though, after the initial contact and all that, isn't it lame to continue to text or chat when you can speak? I think another issue i have is because of the way i communicate, i get misunderstood a lot when texting or chatting cos it doesn't convey tone. So you have to know me very well to understand when i'm kidding or when not to take me seriously.

Quick Update

2011-08-25T13:16:00.001-05:00

Is it too early to start complaining about school? I already have A LOT to complain about. It's amazing how easy it is to become tired again. I figured with 3 months of doing nothing but bumming around, i would be rejuvenated and good to go. For where. All that energy was out the window on Night 2.

Anyway, that's not why am here. Yesterday was my baby niece/god-daughter's birthday. She turned two, so she's not a baby anymore but she's my baby! I borrow pose with her seriously. Anyway, she's such an important part of my life, it would be remiss of me not to write about her on this blog. Sadly, i can't share pictures because her 2nd maama (who is officially her real maama) forbade me. In case you are wondering, my mom is baby's first maama and i'm her third maama. Trust me, it makes sense. That child loves my mom to death. She's very attached to her. Anywaysssssss, i was drinking some cold water, and you know that sound you make (ahhhhh...) after you drink cold water? I made it and it reminded me of her. It's amazing what these kids notice. When she drinks water, she always makes the sound whether the water is cold or not because she noticed my mom doing it. It's so cute. Right before i left, she started asking for me to do "ring a rosie" with her. She doesn't talk well, but she is able to communicate what she wants. In this case, clasped her hands together, was babbling and turning around, so i knew what she wanted because i had done it with her before. When she did it another day, i knew what she wanted immediately.

Her understanding of pidgin English is on point and she's starting to repeat pidgin words, which is the funniest thing ever, because believe it or not, she is already starting not to pronounce things the Nigerian way. I don't know how that happens. I really don't especially since everyone around her has a Nigerian accent. We figured it's from TV and Day care. I have no clue. Anyway, i love that child and whenever i'm sad i watch videos i made of her and it always makes me laugh. I still think it's amazing how much she looks like my sister. She is so pretty. It's funny cos after she was born my sister was like, "You are going to be her god mother, right?" and i was like"why not?" Then she said "You know you said if she wasn't pretty, you wouldn't be her god mother, but she's pretty". First of all, i can't believe i actually said that but i'm sure i did. I must have been joking. lol.

Now that i've finished gushing about my borrow pose daughter, i will jejely go back to my books. OMG, micro is so boring. I want to almost kill myself. Almost!!!!

Before i go, i was thinking about Bella Naija and Linda Ikeji. Which do you guys prefer? Bella Naija actually started out like Linda Ikeji, until she took a journey down Tush and Elite lane. Now i think the site is boring and i can go a week or more without visiting it. Most of the things there don't interest me. I love the wedding showcases but those only serve to remind me how much i need to have if i want a nice wedding, then some of the relationship articles are alright. Other than that, i don't enjoy it as much. Linda Ikeji on the other hand, i visit everyday, like i don't have anything better to do with my time. I hope she continues with what she's doing and builds on what she has going for her because many people are like me,we like amebo work and don't really care about tush events we will never attend.

To the Izz: Happy baiday! You'll always be my boo-boo :)

I'm outie. Thanks for all ur comments guys. They make me laugh and that's always a good thing because med school makes me sad.

Hey Lovies

2011-08-23T20:33:00.002-05:00

I learnt something new thing today:

Neologisms-A neologism is a newly coined term, word or phrase......
Apparently, making up words only you can understand is a sign of psychopathology. I do that a lot. I always knew something was wrong with me. I guess before the year runs out, i will fully (mis)diagnosed myself.

On a totally related or unrelated note, just this week alone, i have managed to refer to a particular someone as

Lucifer's Apprentice
Satan's little brother
The Gateman to hellfire.

And i'm not even that angry with the dude.......... more like scratching my head baffled.
I'm going to leave the matter for Mathias and go and study jare. Day 2 and i'm already behind. No sleep for the wicked.

P.S. In fact, add Devil's first born son to the list. That guy is a certified bastid!

Anti-cupid campaign

2011-08-21T12:38:00.002-05:00

Holiday is over
holiday is over
no more sleeping in
no more goofing off
errrmmmmmm.....there's more to this song, but i haven't made it up yet, so just manage this for now.

So yeah, play time is over. My eyes are red, i'm vexing for cupid right now. I had a whole 3 months doing nothing but bumming around. Did i see his brake light? No!!! Instead, i met Satan's little brother. Now that school is about to start, he has carried his fat little cherubic ass my way. Stop it o! I will wound you if you come any closer with that arrow.

Seriously though, i needsssss to focus. This year is not the time to play or be fooling around. I have donned my big girl piants (panties is too tush) and i'm ready (well, not really but i will be ready tomorrow.) I'm thinking of learning how to meditate to help me with stress and maybe some yoga in the future. I've re-subscribed to Joel Osteen, Joyce Meyer and T.D Jakes podcasts. I need to get my Jesus on. Hey!!! Don't judge me. I need it.

I spent all day yesterday proof reading a 48 page dissertation. I almost kpemed. Initially, when i agreed to proof read the thing, i thought it was a 3 page paper, not a dissertation. Anyway, that's what you do for family. Then i rounded up the day by going to pay $18 for food that was not so good, all in the name of going to dinner with friends. It's all good sha. It was nice to see my peoples again all looking so fresh and so clean. I give us 2 weeks before we dry up again like kpanla.

I'm off to go do not a lot of anything. If you see cupid, warn him to leave me alone o. I don't want to be responsible for killing a pint-sized love terrorist. I mean, he goes around shooting people with a bow and arrow. Who does that?!!!!

Question of the Year

2011-08-20T01:33:00.004-05:00

Why are some guys just beasts of burden?
a) They originated from the innermost loins of the devil
b)They can't help themselves, their XY chromosome is defective
c)They are really wild animals in human form
d)They are escaped demons from hell
e)They are just beasts....plain and simple.
f)All of the above and then some.

You must chose one from the above options.

I wish i had a baby sitter. Someone needs to wrap my hair and put me to bed. I don't want to move from this chair, hence this impromptu post at 1.30am.

Hope u guys are enjoying my almost daily posts because it's about to be OVER!!!!
By the way, i have officially abandoned Blogsville GisT, it might be temporary, it might be permanent, right now i have no clue.

P.S. This mini-survey is very tongue in cheek.

Plentieee Stuff

2011-08-18T21:50:00.013-05:00

The kind sleep wey dey catch me this afternoon ehn! Odi very serious. This dude woke me up this morning at 7.25am and i had gone bed at 2am. I checked my phone and saw he had called at 2.24am and 4.30am. I was so pissed cos i woke up with a headache. Then i get on facebook and he sent me a message asking if i had seen ALL his missed calls. Wowzers. Just as i finished responding to him and asking him if he didn't know there was a time difference, he calls me. I tire for the matter. I just went ahead and blocked him after the call. I'm loving my new phone cos it has that feature. Don't ask me the kind of phone i was using before cos it was some bootleg pangolo phone that upped and died on me. Anyway, my friend told me to chill out and be nice to him so i unblocked him. He has until Sunday night to arrange himself, unless he's back on the blocked list.

I officially started my coupon clipping career today and i saved a grand total of $3!!!! :) Hey, cut me some slack here, i just started. I've never thought to use coupons even though my younger sister who is a reformed queen of extravagance and a borderline shopaholic, started using coupons 2 years ago when she had her baby and she saved a TON of money buying baby stuff. Still, it never registered in my brain that clipping coupons might be a worthy venture. In fact, as soon as i get the newspaper with the coupons, they go straight to my recycling trash bag, i don't even look at it. So why the change of heart? Of course, i watched Extreme Couponing on TLC this summer and i saw the light. Besides, it doesn't hurt cos i'm a broke medical student with no source of income except my student loans which are waiting for me to be paid back in the nearest future.

Come o! Are you guys aware that there are some restaurants in Naij that double as.....how do i say this nicely? Erm....escort services? A guy can come eat and pick the waitresses abi na servers or hostesses up, almost like prostitutes? My friend told me about his experience with this issue when he went to Nigeria and i was very skeptical. I knew he wasn't lying but it was hard to believe. This is different from when he would go to the club and see runs girls there who were in the club just for the purpose of picking up men. He said he didn't believe it at first until his friends (just to prove a point) called a couple of the girls and were pricing them like you would price fish in the market. Wawawewa! Anyway, i'm not talking about that. I'm talking about restaurants whose "waitresses" are undercover runs girls or prostitutes. I mean, this guy told me about this early this year, but it didn't sink in until i was watching Ofe Owerri Special on NollywoodLove this evening. The lady runs a restaurant and her waitresses are hired with the knowledge that they will provide a "happy ending" for the customers that require it. She then splits the proceeds 50:50 with her madam. I said, ehen....see groove. I think i'm too sheltered for my own good.

This is an age-long debate but do you guys think you can turn a "ho" into a housewife? The popular saying is that you can't turn a ho into a housewife. I've been watching this show on OWN, i don't know the title of the show but it looks at prostitutes in Cook County jail, Division 17 in Chicago who are in program to turn their lives around. The setting/structure remind me of the psychiatric hospitals i've worked in, but that's beside the point. Anyway, so these ladies have peer coordinators who were once prostitutes and i think it makes sense cos these ladies can relate cos they've been there. So one of the peer coordinators has a husband who met her when she was 5 years clean and he knows she was a prostitute and all that. She seems to have turned her life around and he was willing to give her a chance. I don't think i agree that you can't turn a ho into a housewife. I think it depends on the individual and if they have personally seen the error of their ways and decided to give it up. Other than that, then the saying stands true. What say you? *I just saw the title of the show. It's called Prostitution: Leaving the Life

Sometimes we need someone to believe in us when we can't believe in ourselves. I always say this and i said this to my brother this summer. I remembered the saying because one of the jail inmates just said something similar. I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to have a GOOD, POSITIVE support system, regardless of where you are in life's journey. Someone to believe in you, when you can't believe in yourself......how's awesome is that?!! I have seen the result of being there for someone, lifting them up, encouraging them, speaking positive words into their spirit. It's being a blessing to be able to do that for someone and to have someone do that for me.

T.D Jakes said he has the gift of Good bye. Well, i don't, but i'm working on it. It's a good gift to have.

2 more blogs and i will have 400 blogs on my blog list. I deserve some sort of award. I know a lot of people visit my blog just to get to other blogs. Una go soon start to dey pay me. Also, believe it or not, this blog has 505 posts. Unfortunately, i had to take a TON of posts down when it became obvious i could no longer conveniently have a "personal" blog. So many things i would have talked about but my space has been infiltrated. I'm okay with it now sha. Surprisingly, i missed my paper journal so much this summer because i made the stupid decision to leave it behind, thinking i wouldn't need it. I had to make do with typing up stuff in Word when i really needed to offload (that word just sounds weird right there, brings something else to mind). Whatever works, shey?

Okay people, i'm going back to my Ofe Owerri Special. It's crazy how the last time i watched Naija movies was the first week of June and now that school is about to start back, i'm trying to cram them in. I'm a mess. I had 3 months to watch them and i didn't. SMH.

*It took me 5 hours to type up this post hence it's no longer afternoon, between watching TV, a movie on my computer, eating a giant piece of cake and just being lazy. I still have a headache!!!! It's going to be an early night with my phone turned off.

:(

2011-08-18T00:37:00.002-05:00

Wahala go dey o! I literally just got back a couple hours ago and i'm already feeling like this. Truth be told, i have been sad for the last 2 days. Am i not supposed to wait until the books start to bulala me before i start feeling like this? Preempting 007.

I'm going to go eat cake, watch Food Network and get fatter, in that order. Tomorrow, i shall commence Operation junk food detox and Operation feel better before Monday. Argghhhhh......my life!

*I think i was the only black person on the plane today. o_O
** Never mind, one of the air hostesses was black.
***Tell me why i get back and my name has been removed from my mailbox? I didn't check if my name has been removed from my buzzer. This people dey find my trouble.

Nemesis - The Saga Continues.

2011-08-16T00:28:00.003-05:00

So, you guys remember the Nemesis micro mini-series i put up, end of April/beginning of May....Part 1 is actually unrelated to Part deux. This is a continuation or should i say update of part deux. So you can get yourself up to speed or refresh your memory by reading part deux.

So at the end of part deux, mistress was pregnant and the guy was already showing his true colors. Unfortunately for the mistress, she had a miscarriage and lost the baby and guess who she says is responsible? The wife she drove out of her matrimonial home. I guess it's not possible the miscarriage just happened, there has to be a spiritual angle to it and the wife is the easy suspect. The poor wife who has been living her life jejely and taking care of her kids without any support from her husband.

Madam mistress was actually diagnosed with fibroids and this is what most likely caused the miscarriage. The husband has started treating her the same way he was treating his wife, sleeping around, not even bothering to come home days on end. In fact, he lied to her that he was traveling out of town on business and instead lodged in a hotel and was going to work from there. The guy drinks a lot, something he has always done, but now she wants him to stop even though when they were dating she used to follow him to beer palours to drink. People in the "know" say that when he drinks the jazz she used to hold him doesn't work which is why she really wants him to stop drinking. I no dey there, i no know o.

What did they say about the cane that they use to flog the first wife? That's what they'll use to flog the second wife too!! The point of this amebo gist that i'm giving you guys is that people don't change and you can't reap where you did not sow. If he treated his first wife like crap, chances are, he'll treat you like crap. Just look at this Mercy Johnson saga going on. First off, i don't understand why people hate her, i actually like her movies (where she's not trying to act tush, i like her village girl movies). As set as she is (you all know what i mean by set! Front, back, face, everything correct!) i believe she can get a good man of her own. Not one that is abandoning his wife.I don't know why she thinks she'll be different. Anyway, na siddon look, i dey look o.

I will be putting an audio post up, a recap of my summer. I was trying to decide if i should do it in pidgin english, but I feel like i have to be "on" for that. Right now, i feel so blah. So, i'll just do it in regular boring english :) BTW, i just discovered that there's Hawaiian pidgin english. How cool is that?

Repost: Broken Heart

2011-08-14T22:02:00.000-05:00

I wrote this Nov 2010 and it remains my most popular post to date. I wonder why. You guys need to stop getting your hearts broken or breaking hearts. Broken hearted and looking for tips on how to get over it? Read THIS

So lately i have been super interested in broken heart images. No my heart is not broken, i think it's the healthiest it's been in a long, long time. I haven't given it to anyone for safe keeping, i figured i can keep it safe all by myself. Thank you very much. I mean, dudes be dropping and breaking stuff all the time. I can't with all these clumsy ass mofos. I just can't!

I'm going to share some of the ones i really like with you guys. All images were gotten from google images. I especially love the emo ones. Some of them are really cute. Enjoy

This is how it starts o! They start off by begging you and stuff. Look at him, heart all ripped out and shit. Uh hum! You decide that since he gave you his, you might as well give him yours. Mistake numero uno. Write that down. Just because a cute guy says he likes you doesn't mean you should get stars in your eyes and forget your common sense. He has to earn it and that takes time. Please don't talk to me about love at first sight. That's some bullshit right there. If you believe that, then i'm sorry to say you are a damn fool and you have no clue what LOVE really is.

And then, gen, gen, gen.....he goes and breaks your heart and is "nice" enough to give it back. Your tears as he hands the shattered pieces over, means nothing. In fact, what registers in his brain is that you are sweating from your eyes. As for why you are kneeling down with your hands clasped together and mumbling incoherently..... that's your own personal problem.

Heart break hotel. You see cry, you no fit cry. Eyes red, nose running, heart aching.

You can't sleep, you can't eat, you are distracted, you start to suffer from short term memory loss, you have unexplained chest pain and heart palpations, you do a lot of sweating from your eyes...... morning, noon and night. Any little thing that reminds you of him send you into a downward spiral. You begin to plot and scheme ways to get him back, until one day (It could be a week, a month, 6 months, or a year later.....it all depends on how far gone you are) you FINALLY get it (after countless hours of counseling by your friends), the idiot really meant it when he gave you the pieces of your shattered heart back.

Then the real pain sets in as you start to face reality

The pain is unbearable, made worse by the fact that you can't forsee an end to your suffering. You can't imagine a time when you will be normal again. In fact, you are willing to do anything to end the suffering, including trying to get him back.

Somebody, take this useless heart, i don't want it anymore. No, na your own, u can keep it. Shey na you give man wey break am, you no come want again? Carry your cross by yourself. It is well.....sorry.

Eyah! You still dey cry? Don't cry anymore. The guy was just an asshole. He didn't deserve you. I don't know what you saw in him in the first place. I hope you haven't been calling him o? What?!!! So you still called him again? When? How many times? 20 times?!! Back to back? Ermmm... I don't think you should keep doing that. That's some stalker type shit. Have you eaten today? Oya, go baff while i fix you a plate.... you kinda stink a little... well, maybe more than a little. Just get in the shower....Puhlease!

Sleep, wake up, cry, force yourself to eat, stare at your phone and will it to ring, look at the time, 30 more minutes to midnight, he might still call.....NOT!, be tempted to dial his number, dial it and hang up, curse yourself, call your BFF for the 100th time, more tears, rain curses on the dude....He's such a bastard. E no go better for am, sleep, sleep, sleep and more sleep.

After two weeks of not calling, you have a relapse and call him again and get your little heart broken all over again and this time the pieces are flung at you. No...he doesn't want your patch-patch heart. Is that a chic's voice you hear in the background. Yep....you've been upgraded, downgraded, sidegraded or whatever helps you sleep better at night. You are butt hurt. Oh no, he didn't. Oh yes, he did. Trifling SOB!!!

You start to ask yourself, philosophical questions like what did i even see in that fool? He's not even that cute. What's the difference between a felony and a misdeamenor? Should i slash his tires or just pour sugar in his tank?

You also begin to have epiphanies..... Ah, so there really is a thin line between love and hate. And you finally admit to yourself, that yes, you do have stalker tendencies.

So the healing process starts over again. Love and longing is replaced by anger. If you are a hot blooded, vindictive mammal, you might be tempted to key his car or spray paint it with a few choice words. You have recurring thoughts of castrating him (to put it mildly). You finally agree with your girls, how much of an asswipe he is.

In time, you start to feel like your self again. You might have lost some weight, but you see that as a bonus for all the heart ache you've been through. I mean, if you had to get something out of this pain, you might as well come out looking hotter after all dating that sucker dashed you some extra lbs on ur midsection.

But something's missing. Deep inside, you are still a sad little puppy.

Remember that!!!

So while you are being handed the pieces of your broken heart, resist the urge to throw it right at dude's face cos you will need all the pieces when you hand it to the almighty heart patcher, to patch your broken heart. It will never be new and shiny again, the way it was before you gave it to the dude, but you would have some well earned battle scars. Just chuck it down to growing up and one of the life experiences you have to learn along the way and be careful who you give your heart to next time. Like i said earlier, dudes be clumsy and shit these days. So just don't go giving people your heart all willy nilly. Capice?

P.S


There really is a physiological reason for the way you feel when you are heart broken.

Question: What is the best way to get over a heart break?

Answer: As with all other difficult things in life, you grit your teeth and bear it. Time is the greatest cure for a broken heart. Everything that has a beginning will surely have an end. So put down that giant tub of strawberry cheese cake ice-cream, all that does is make you bigger.Well, exercise is good too, so eat away but be prepared to work it off.

Older and Wiser?

2011-08-11T16:52:00.003-05:00

I've heard that as a girl gets older she's more likely to lower her standards and settle for someone that she never would have looked at in her younger years. Settling.....that ugly word. I've actually seen it happen but i don't think there's a single reason why that happens. I had a good friend tell me she keeps going back to her douchebag boyfriend because no one else is checking for her and he's the only one who's ever mentioned marriage. I said Chineke! What is wrong with you? At the end of the conversation, i had to resort to begging her to reconsider her stance and not to settle for crap because she wants to get married. This my friend is very pretty....i don't understand her reasoning. Very baffling.

Anyway, I think that as we get older and have had some experiences, it's easier to determine what's important vs. what's silly in our list of requirements. Let me use myself as an example. This time last year, if you had asked me if i would date a guy who i'm older than, i would have said a big fat NO! Even if he was a day younger, i wouldn't have. As liberal as i am, there's this (Nigerian) traditional side of me that won't let me date a younger guy. Naija girls close to me have done it. My older sister has dated a guy younger than her with 4 years. A former close friend dated a guy 4 years younger than her. Still, i couldn't wrap my head around that concept. I remember when i was a Junior in college and a guy who was 2 years younger than me asked me to be in a relationship with him. My response to him was "what am i going to do with you?" Straight up! I realized later that that was a little too blunt, but that's what popped into my head. I was surprised cos he is Nigerian too and i didn't think they were down with dating older chics. We stayed friends after that but he never went back there. Last year, same thing but this was a very close friend who has always liked me unbeknownst to me but he was 3 months younger than me. I quickly shut it down not just because of the age although that was a major factor.

Anyway, beginning of this year, i met someone who was almost 2 months younger than me. My initial response was hell no! Not going to happen, i don't want to talk to anyone younger than me. Of course, everyone around me was not in support of my "narrow-minded" thinking. Hump! So i figured, fine...it won't kill me. I'll talk to the guy. I didn't end up dating him but the experience "softened" my thinking on the age thing. This summer, there was another guy who if all the stars had aligned right I might have agreed to date (but they most definitely didn't align at all, not to talk of aligning right) and he was 10+months younger than me. It was easier to wrap my head around the concept of talking to someone who's younger than me the second time around, and no one is more surprised than me that my thinking on this issue has changed. Last year, i wouldn't even have considered it for a nanosecond. I would have been like "What?!! 10 months? I don't want to be the older woman". That has always been my line.

So here i am feeling good with myself that i can potentially date someone younger than me, i feel accomplished and like a progressive 21st century woman. Then i talk to my childhood best friend and long story short this chic is dating a guy who is 6 years younger than her. I give up!!!! I'm not that progressive. I don't even want to be that progressive. Of course, she's my friend so i wasn't judgemental about it but we both agreed that the guy is still growing up and even though i was saying anything is possible in terms of him marrying her, she shot that down sharp sharp. Dude is too young to marry anyone at his age and even if he wants to marry her, we doubt that his Nigerian mother will allow him to marry someone 6 years younger than him. It's the truth! I guess she's using him to cool down right now. I don't know and i didn't ask.

So i guess as we get older, standards start to change. Fine boy chasers start to look for guys that are not so fine but dependable. I remember a friend asking me if na fine we go chop. I've not given up the fine boy thing sha (I have a love-hate relationship with them)! I have to be able to look at any guy I'm dating and do my part to ensure my future generations are not the butt of ugly jokes. lol. I was looking at pictures of my niece today when i transferred them to my computer and she is such a pretty child. It's amazing how much she looks like my sister. Amazing. It will be a blessing to have a daughter look like me. but i digress.

So ladies, as you've gotten older or more experienced how has your stance, preferences, rules, restrictions, standards changed in terms of dealing with guys?

(Not so) Important Stuff

2011-08-09T21:59:00.004-05:00

My well-earned, much appreciated and longed for 3 month holiday is almost over. Now i regret buying my ticket to leave home 3 days earlier than i really need to, but it was $100 cheaper and at the time i figured 6 weeks at home was long enough. Now i want those 3 days back. Actually 4 days cos i usually go back to school the night before school starts but i didn't think it was a good idea this time. I need time to settle in and breath before first day of school. I'm not ready o. I'm not ready!

My mom heard me telling my older sister that i hate med school and she has been on my case about that any chance she gets (to advice a.k.a talk sense into me). The fact remains that i don't love the process of medical school. It's like a hazing process and it can be very isolating especially for someone like me who needs to study alone to really be able to concentrate and get work done. You spend at least 12-14hrs a day studying by yourself. If you are good, you can wrestle out one day a week to relax but most of the time you have so much work, you can only get half a day if that. I usually just take mini mental breaks as i study, which is why i'm still able to blog regularly. I'm not a masochist o! There's nothing to love about med school at least not right now. With that being said, you guys know that i wouldn't want to do anything else. So i dey sofry dey complain.

I don't know if something is wrong with my thinking, but i'm always surprised/baffled/curious when someone says they love my blog. Of course, i always appreciate it but at the back of my mind i'm thinking why? I guess it's the detail-oriented part of me that wants to know the reason for everything. I'm not particularly witty, at least not on this blog. I might have a little dry/wacky sense of humor going on in real life, but i don't think it translates to this blog. I'm really curious as to why people say they love my blog. So if you've told me you love my blog, now is the time! Time to stroke my ego and tell me what you love about my blog or why. I dey joke o but i don't think anyone has stroked my ego in a long time so all ego strokers are welcome.

This summer has been uneventfully eventful. Hmmm..hmmm...hmmmm. Having too much time on my hands is apparently not a good thing. It makes me more tolerant of bullshit but it also gave me time to settle down and think and sort things out. If i had my sugar boy situated, i would have traveled to the UK or Naij. I really want to travel around Europe. Brokery is not a good thing sha. In my next life, i will be a trust fund baby. I totally was going to write something very important here, but my brother distracted me and i can't remember for the life of me what i was going to write here and it's bothering me. Pa! Pa! Pa! That's me slapping him mentally.

I took myself off to T-mobile and got a phone yesterday. I knew before i bought the phone that it had speakerphone volume issues but i still bought it because it has great reviews generally. I am totally into my speaker phone. 9 times out of 10 unless i'm around people, i'm on my speaker phone. I'm the person you see on the street talking into their phone without putting the phone to their ear. I hate putting my phone on my ear and i hate ear pieces. Wahala go dey o. I spoke to a tech support person yesterday and he told me to expect an update on the speaker phone as everyone is complaining about it. Other than that, battery life is not awesome, the phone has the getting hot issue, plus it's too expensive for a brokie like me. Why should i pay upgrade fees and tax, plus the bullshit mail in rebate which means i have to cough up money up front. I still like the phone sha, it's like a defective boyfriend who you hang on to because he's cute and has swag. Are you people sure i don't have home problems, cos a normal person would have picked something else. I have 14 days to decide if i should get insurance on the phone, an additional $7.99 a month on top a bill i already think is too high. Who dey call me for the phone sef? I think the amount i pay for my phone bill is ridiculous frankly and instead of me to be reducing it, i'm adding to it. I went and added a web plan and unlimited international text messages on top the unlimited text and talk plan i already had. Wahala go dey o. Na to speed up my sugar boy search come remain.

Oh, i remember what i was going to say that my brother made me forget. I've dedicated myself to chasing belly laughs. That's my goal for the rest of year. You know those times where you find something so funny you can't stop laughing and you end up on the floor holding your stomach? I don't think i have laughed like that this year, but i had a couple good ones last semester with my friend. We do have some good moments. I wonder what my neighbors are thinking when they hear us laugh like that and it's over the stupidest (most stupid) things. Med school would be the windowless basement of hell without her but with her it's like we are on the main floor of hell where they put on the AC from time to time, so it's tolerable.

Ok, i'm done. The demon that calls itself my stomach is bothering me and has been all day. Which bad thing should i do this night now?

To all my new followers, i see you. Muah x3

*I was instructed to write this by this ham that calls himself my brother.
My brother is very handsome, he's tall, he's chocolate. He doesn't have any children, so you won't have to deal with any baby mama drama. Any girl will be lucky to have him. I thain'k God! everyday, to have given me such an awesome brother. He's everything a girl would want. Full stop.{Insert personal rant here} After all what do girls want, the beautiful ones and the rest, always end up going for the ones that beat them and cheat on them. They reject the nice guys because they say they are too weak and too nice. Instead of asking what happened to all the nice guys they should go to the mirror and look at themselves and say "I am what happened to the nice guys"

*This was my punishment for ignoring him and not letting him read what i was typing. I got a good laugh out of this cos he's a yam head. We were arguing who was whose right hand man. He said i was his right hand man, and i said he's my sidekick so i can't be his right hand man. He's the Robin to my Batman. He told me to be quiet and go and put on my Robin suit. SMH. Kolo.

Nuggets

2011-08-04T20:42:00.005-05:00

I've been chewing on a lot of things lately, some important, others not so important.

School: I think med school and God's grace go hand in hand. I don't know how i am feeling that in another 18 days i will be starting second year. On good days when i have mental clarity, i feel like i am finally making progress but more often than not, i'm not looking forward to the madness. It's a totally different life when i'm in school and when i'm at home. Our registrar sent us an email and at the end, she said "hope you've been having an enjoyable and productive summer". I definitely have not had a productive summer because i did not do a single thing. How that is going to affect me in future, i don't know and i worry about it for a minute from time to time but not too much. I tried to volunteer with AID Atlanta and the Dekalb County Board of Health but i was turned down because they had no use for short term volunteers. So i'm basically just chilling, enjoying my family and free-time as much as possible because in a few short weeks i will be thrown head first into the lion's den. Daniel survived and so will I.

Liking someone: Some people forget or are unaware that just because someone likes you today doesn't mean they'll like you tomorrow. I don't hesitate to tell people that. So don't be thinking you can start acting the fool and feeling like a G because you think I like you. Liking someone is not a permanent condition and it is subject to change. Some people use their own hand to spoil their market and this goes for girls too. Some girls just think by virtue of the fact that they are female and a guy is showing interest, they can start to act like brats. You think the guys are foolish abi? Feeling too cool with yourself can lead to the death of a crush.

Marriage issues: I finally admitted to myself that i don't want to get married anytime soon. I thought the older i got the more my brain would shift into that line of thinking but it hasn't happened. I don't understand when people get it into their heads that they are ready to marry and pick the next thing that comes along that looks good on paper. Sometimes they barely even know these people, yet they chose them as partners to go through life's journey with. I can't help but think some people take this marriage business lightly. I read somewhere that your spouse is the ONLY family you get to choose, so chose wisely. That is deep. I mean, someone of us have crazy family members we have to love regardless. Family is family and you have to love them no matter what (well, most of the time cos i don't 100% agree) but given the choice of picking a husband to add to my family, why won't i take my time to make sure i am picking the best person for me. Am i just going to chose blindly and hope for the best? In Atlanta, within the last month, 3 men have killed their wives. This is such a common occurence these days, i have to sit and wonder what is going on. So in addition to asking God for a good man, we now have to pray for a husband that won't end up killing us, abi? The person who is meant to love and cherish you, ends up taking your life. What a sad story.

Dating bad boys, jackasses or simply the wrong person. My friend was telling me yesterday that he doesn't understand why girls pick bad guys to date and why they stay in relationships that are obviously bad for them. My response was that most girls are not crazy. No girl in her right mind would date a guy who comes at them being a jackass from day 0. A lot of guys put their best foot forward when they want to date you and start doing things they normally wouldn't do until they feel they have it in the bag, then their true colors start to show. Now, how long it takes their nasty sides to show is where the difference lies. As for staying in a bad relationship, that is a complicated issue but i know that until someone decides on their own that enough is enough, the whole world can line up and tell them to get out of the bad situation, but they won't listen. The heart wants what it wants. I liken such situations to being a on rollercoaster ride. You can't get off in the middle of the ride regardless how terrible it is, you have to wait for the ride to stop in order to be able to get out. Sadly as we all know, not everyone is lucky enough to get out unscathed or even alive in some cases.

Copyright Issues: What do you do when someone publishes your blog content without your permission or even your knowledge. I found out that my blog feed was being published on Ablanla blogs because i saw it being mentioned on twitter. The person who did that did not even have the courtesy to ask my permission. The only thing i could do at the time was reduce my blog feed and some guy (who is suspect is the owner of that site) asked me about it. Then Mizchif complained about the reduced feed and i decided not to punish my regular readers and i set my feed back to full. Now, i have emailed the owner of the site asking that my feed be removed from his site and of course i did not get a response nor was my feed removed. I don't think it's right and I am very irritated by the blatant disrespect and disregard for me and my blog. I think the owner of that site is a thief and he should thank the good lord that i don't have the resources to pursue this issue. Seriously, what can i do to protect my blog from these blog thieves? Mrs. Newlywed is having similar issues of her own which is why this issue came to my mind tonight.
I NEED a new phone and i'm with T-mobile. I don't want the blackberry though. Any suggestions would be welcome.
I also need a computer but don't want a mac or HP. Suggestions welcome.

*I just searched for Abanla Blogs on twitter and apparently their page has been suspended. Good! Maybe someone did something after all but their site is still functional and i happen to be a "top user" on the site even though i never visit there.

Blogging Anonymously Re-visited

2011-08-01T03:25:00.006-05:00

It's 3.27am and i'm still up. Don't you think i have home problems, given the fact that i'm on vacation and i should be filling up my sleep tank. I just finished listening to the latest verastic show on Anonymous bloggers. Fun stuff. I couldn't listen live cos i was at the library Saturday morning. It was a very interesting show and i love me some Foxy P. Interesting personality.

I realize that this blog is slowing tilting back toward being "personal" like it used to be and me no likey that BECAUSE there are some people (you know yourselves) who read this blog and know me in real life that don't talk to me, yet they care enough about what is going on in my life to continue reading this blog. Gbegborun United Club of Nigeria. Hmmmm..... One of such people is the reason why this is my 4th blog. I kept deleting my blogs and she kept finding it even after i told her i didn't want her to be reading my blog and the only reason i knew she was reading my blog, was based on putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with 4.We used to be very close friends and at the time when i needed to have this blog as my personal space, she wouldn't let me have it. Back then, my blog was so personal to me, it was almost as if she was sneaking behind my back and reading my diary. Its like she felt the need to check what i told her in real life with what i was writing on my blog and she was supposed to be my closest friend in this country. Lack of trust = friendship failure (Friendship lesson numero uno)

She knew 98% of everything that i was writing on the blog because i talked to this chic every day and told her these things. She still felt she had to spy on me and then get offended when she saw one or two things that i didn't tell her (according to her) and she didn't even have the decency to come clean and bring the issue to my attention. It didn't matter that she was wrong about what she was thinking. I was shady cos i didn't tell her EVERYTHING. Who does that? Even if you are my twin, i can't tell you every single thing i'm thinking. She denied for a whole year that she was reading my blog. Straight up lied to me (but in her mind, i'm the liar) all the while not speaking to me over something she saw on my personal, "anonymous" blog that she lied that she wasn't reading. The crazy thing is I wouldn't have minded that she was reading the blog. It's not like i was writing about her or anything. Maybe that's what she was waiting to see. Only God knows. Come to find out that this chic is a blogger. How did i find this out? Two years later by listening to the verastic show. Life sha! Live, learn and grow. She taught me that some friendships no matter how close they are, are really only for a season and you can't force someone to want to be your friend. Two very important life lessons. So Madam, i know you STILL read my blog. I take that as a compliment because you just can't help yourself. I must be very interesting ;) Carry on.

With that being said, to speak on vera's most recent show which had to do with being an anonymous blogger, I'll say that the reason i started blogging anonymously Jan 2007 and the reason i'm still blogging anonymously Aug 2011 are very different. For one, the content of my blog has changed from being deeply personal, with a lot of dark and heavy stuff to being slightly personal with nothing too deep. As with everything i do, i have questioned why i am still anonymous and i asked for your opinion on it and some people gave valid reasons for continuing to be anonymous which i agree with.

By God's grace, i'm going to be a doctor sometime in the near future, and i don't ever want a patient to find this blog and know all my private thoughts or my co-workers to find it. Even now, i would be horrified if my classmates who i barely talk to found this blog and read it. There's something unprofessional about that because at the end of the day, all this is gist. Which is why Miss Lady here will not stop reading my blog and which is why a lot of Nigerians blog anonymously. It's not that we are not authentic and our blog does not reflect who we really are, it just that sometimes you put your face to your blog and people who know you in real life but are not your close friends, maybe associates and acquaintances will be privy to your private thoughts and dealings that you might otherwise not be comfortable revealing to them.

At the end of the day, it all depends on the content of your blog. If you blog about generic stuff and people don't even know the tiniest detail about you personally, then it might not matter whether you are anonymous or not. But if like me, your blog is a personal journal of sorts, then it matters because i don't want my secondary school classmate who i have not talked to in God knows how long to google me (or whatever) find this blog and start to read about all my trials and tribulations (and med school lamentations :) I'm not comfortable with that idea. If you are my friend and stumble on this blog, trust me, it won't take you too long to figure out it's me. What i write on this blog is who i am. I do not have 2 different personalities or whatever and i have no problem standing behind whatever i have written in person, not that i write inciteful things anyway. I just dey my own jeje.

To whoever is saying anonymous bloggers are ugly, i laugh in Japanese. Far from it, my dear. I'm a fine geh no pimples, just dimples ;)

*Now anyone is free to read the blog o. I put the info out there so it's fair game.
** I never really write about people on my blog, i learnt that early on. However, i no longer write certain personal things because of members of the Gbegborun United Club of Nigeria who know me in real life but are not my friends. No be my personal life una go use take dey gist. Ehn ehn. I wrote this really beautiful 2 page letter to myself today that i would have loved to share, but sadly i can't.
*** We shall be shifting back to not so personal stuff in the future.
**** I do have friends who read this blog that i don't mind at all. My siblings know the blog address. My brother says it's boring and why would he want to read my blog anyway. One of my sisters said, she doesn't read it cos she knows i don't want her to read it and i don't know if the other one reads it but i know i check my blog from her computer all the time so it's very accessible to her.

At the end of the day, what i wouldn't want my mother to read, i don't write. That's my yardstick. She hates us being on facebook, so i know for sure she would be horrified to know that i still blog. She knew when i started and was against it.

How do i end up writing these long posts? Please for my lazy readers, forgive me.
It's 4.23am. I'll just take my nocturnal self to bed.

Oh, i just have to say this.....i really wish blogger was like twitter where i could protect my blog posts and only my followers get to see them. That would be awesome. Good night peeps. I'll probably wake up at 2 pm tomorrow and wonder where the day went. Most likely not cos i can never sleep that late.

Re-focusing

2011-07-30T18:18:00.003-05:00

I'm thinking of getting a tumblr account. I never thought i would consider it. I like how different people's tumblr pages (?) are so uniquely theirs. Some are really interesting. I was reading Zara's tumblr all afternoon after i came back from the library until i fell asleep. Her tumblr is way more interesting than her blog and i think she's more active there. We'll see sha. I'm finally getting more active on twitter but i'm not a hundred percent into it yet.

Even though i have 23 days left of my summer holiday (yes, i am so counting), i'm already dreading 2nd year. Hearing stories of people repeating and being kicked out has put the fear of God in me and i'm trying to focus and remove the clutter from my life. I have to go to school physically, mentally and emotionally at my best. I just have to remember to take deep breaths and ENJOY the rest of my holiday. I've put myself out there a lot more than i ever have in terms of meeting up with people, being friendly and stuff like that. I'm usually content to just chill when i come home and not see anyone, but this time i'm trying to do things differently and so far so good.

Today, i decided to stop being a chicken and go to the library for a few hours so i can get work done. I didn't go upstairs which is the quiet study area but decided to read downstairs which is a more general study area. I wasn't trying to run into ol' dude today. Now tell me, unless you are below 10 and still learning how to read, who in their right mind reads a novel aloud to themselves? This dude, whom i first noticed because of his sagging pants and way of speaking (which i refuse to categorize because i'm being sensitive today :), decides to pull a book and start reading to himself , out loud. I mean, he wasn't shouting or anything, but it was a low hum of his voice, which was very annoying. I turned around and glared at him twice, but he was oblivious to my dagger stares. After an hour of being an obnoxious, oblivious jackass, i guess his mouth got tired and he decided to put the book back on the shelf next to where i was sitting. I made sure he say the stink eye i gave him this time. Tomorrow, i'm going back to the quiet area, old man be damned. I'll just say hi and pretend like he didn't call me twice.

I think it's really cute when someone who i'm older than with 3 years calls me little sister. He knows i'm older than him but i guess he refuses to let it register in his brain because all the time we worked together, he thought he was older than me and he treated me as such (in a big brother kind of way). I always wondered about that, until i found out he thought i was younger than him. I quickly corrected that impression but it just won't sink in. My therapist friend who is only a little older than me, has the same problem. He keeps insisting that i'm like 4 years younger than he is. I've told him the truth, he has refused to believe it. I can't shout, i have sore throat. I'm not complaining though. I've accepted my baby/young looking face. I thank God for good genes, now if i can can just lose the extra poundage, all will be well with the world. That is, until i find something else to bother me.

P.S Doesn't my new blog look remind you of Facebook? I liked it for all of one day but now i'm over it. I'm hoping it grows on me sha cos i'm not changing it.

Happy Birthday to my twin brother and sister. I can't believe how old you guys are. It definitely reminds me of my old age. Yikes!

Question???

2011-07-29T09:33:00.001-05:00

Two things happened today. The first one i can't share but i was seriously hurt. Surprisingly, i have been able to brush it off and not internalize it or take it too personally. I've come a long way from letting how people treat me affect how i feel about myself. Yay for progress. The second thing, i just have to share. So i've taken myself to the library 3 days in a row in a bid get out the house and actually skim through the books i planned to look at this summer. As i was leaving the library this evening, there was a man who was waiting for the elevator with me. I said hi to him and turned the other way, so when the elevator came, i didn't realise it and barely dashed in before it closed. He laughed and teased me about it and i said i wasn't paying attention. Then he asked for my name, and when i told him he said that was his name too. Then he asked if i was Nigerian and i said yes......

He asked what i was doing at the library and i told him i was a med student on break and just wanted to look through some books. Come to find out he was a medical doctor studying for the Step 3. I said cool. Then he asked for my number so he could call me so we could talk. This is where mistake numero uno happened (i should have asked for his number instead). Then he asked me if i went out and if i wanted to go to the movies. I had already given him my number so i asked him to call me and we can figure that out (Evasion tactics). Now, this wouldn't even have been gist if the guy did not look old enough to be my father. Ok fine, i exaggerate, but the dude is late 30s/early 40s and he looked like a married man. I mean, for a Nigerian man it is highly unlikely that he's not married or at least divorced. I would be surprised if he is single. This is where mistake numero deux happened cos i failed to look at whether he wore a ring or not.

Regular me would ignore his calls and not go to that library any more. Bored me, is trying to figure out if i should "play" with him or not. I don't see myself going to the movies with him, he looks entirely too elderly for my taste but i want to talk to him and ask how old he is and if he is married. Yes, i am that bored. Should i play with him or stop looking for trouble? The first trouble that i found is troubling me back so my track record of looking for trouble this summer is poor.

On the real though, why couldn't it have been a cute, age-appropriate medical doctor driving a BMW that i met today (old man's stats, not that i care about cars). What is wrong with the universe? I go vex o!!!!!!

UPDATE: I am such a dork. I'm so freaking lily-livered. I'm sitting here laughing at myself, right now. I woke up this morning with a clear head and absolutely no desire to "play" with anything or anyone for that matter. I'm lying here, playing a game on my computer and a call comes through. I look at the number and my heart skips a beat (in actuality my heart cut as we say in naija) because i just knew it was him. Fear no let me pick the call, cos i have to be in a certain mood/frame of mind to bullshit anyone. He left me a message and the long and short of it is, i don't think i can go to that library anymore. Chei! I like that library cos it has free parking and wi-fi. Which kind wahala be this? As much as i have a sharp mouth, i don't know how to be rude to people just like that (unless we are fighting, then i have no qualms being rude to you). The guy sounds very mature on the phone, not mature like mature but mature like my dad. LOL. Me no likey at all. I mean i could talk to him and keep it platonic and professional, but i don't think that's where his head is at.

Does he have to like it?

2011-07-27T09:45:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, i visited my old stomping grounds - where i was both a student and a staff for a total of 6 years. I enjoyed it far more than i thought even though i didn't get a chance to go to the bookstore and get a hoodie. I will try to do that cos i really want one. Besides, my school is so far from home, it would be nice to represent my alma mater there.

Last stop was a 3pm lunch with my "fake" Nigerian friend (it's an inside joke, so if you are reading and are offended by that term, don't bother yourself. I only use it with him). Anyway, as he was about to drive into Chipotle, he had to back up for this chic who i noticed had natural hair. So i said, "Everyone seems to be going natural these day. I guess it's a new trend. Is your girlfriend natural?" He was visibly irritated and was like "YES! and i hate it!" He said he doesn't like it and it's not that he has a problem with natural hair but that it doesn't look good on her. So i asked if she just started and that the early stage is usually the ugly stage (which is true, in my opinion) and he said "she's been doing this for 2 years and the worst thing is she expects me to like it". The was he said it was so funny to me and i started laughing. He was like "this is serious, we almost broke up because of this. I just like her with straight hair".

So the problem is not that he doesn't like natural hair. He just doesn't like how she looks with it. So my question is it necessary for your boyfriend to like and accept your natural hair? Since i don't have natural hair, i haven't thought about the issues that might arise in a relationship because of that so it was an interesting conversation.

*I personally think going natural for a lot of people is a trend. Some people can fully articulate why they are natural and some don't have a reason at all (not that you have to have a reason or justify anything to anyone). My older sister was trying to convince me to go natural with her (she is currently transitioning) and i asked her why she was going natural and she didn't have an answer for me. As much as i dislike trends, i don't mind this natural hair trend cos i look at old pictures of my mom's generation and they were all natural and it was pretty cool.

So the point of this post is not lost, i'll ask again, Does he have to like it and how has natural hair impacted your relationships?

Air of Mystery

2011-07-25T20:44:00.001-05:00

ARghhhhh......WHO ARE YOU? What's going on in that head of yours? I'm curious, i'm intrigued, i'm dying to know. I hate mystery. I'm too old for all this angst but at least i had an interesting day. Thanks.

I'm wondering if this is a game i should be playing? Hmmmm.....

Break Time

2011-07-25T00:20:00.005-05:00

When little things that shouldn't matter start to matter
When the gods of irrationality start to trump the gods of rationality
When it starts to become a crutch - a substitute for real life
When it gets real and uncomfortable and becomes really uncomfortable
When it becomes a two way mirror, where everyone can see me but i can't see anyone
When it becomes raw = vulnerable
When old hurts that never healed resurface
When i see you around blogsville and try not to remember what i never understood
When i start to fight the spirit of regret and wishes i never wished for
When i'm covered by the blanket of misery -mind over matter, mind over matter.
When i struggle to rise above the despair that threatens to eat me alive and HOPE!

(God forbid that this is a poem. It is not!)

Thank you Myne Whitman for asking after me and all the people who commented on that post asking if i was okay and thanks to Ladyguide and Baroque for asking about me on twitter and Olusimeon who asked after me on Skype (he is a much better friend to me than i am to him and i appreciate him. Muah muah. Stop blushing man! :)

* Even though i am not ready to come back on here, i decided to because this happens from time to time and i know i will get over it. The last time it happened, i pulled 385 posts off the blog and saved them as draft where they still reside till this date. It was either that or i delete the entire blog. This time i changed my template.
P.S I like my new template. I hope you do too. I need some light in my life.
P.P.S Hey Dammy Jewel and Etioye!!! Just because :)
P.P.P.S. I've been looking for trouble and i think i just found it (:

Clarification

2011-07-22T00:34:00.001-05:00

Someone (a non-blogger friend) asked me this evening why i didn't seem happy about winning "Best Student Blog". He got that impression from reading the post i put up. I, on the other hand, did not know that i came across that way. I guess i wrote about what i was feeling that morning without considering the fact that i wasn't being gracious. I have questioned whether i should have sent GNG a personal email instead of putting up a blog post about my "criticisms" but that post wasn't premeditated. I sat down and wrote was i was thinking with one sock and sneaker on (i was supposed to be getting ready to work out) and i will admit being pissed of at @kemi put a little fuel in my fire that morning.

With that being said, I am thankful for the win especially since i did not ask to be nominated for any specific category. You guys read my blog and nominated me and then voted for me to win and i am grateful. I highly commend GNG, HappyBBB and everyone else who worked to make the awards possible. I know there's a lot of work involved (which was why i backed out early on :) and i'm very impressed by the quality of work being put out. I understand that the awards is still a work in progress and things can only get better.

I apologize if i was ungracious earlier.
Now i shall jejely crawl back into my shell.

I say good day!

.

2011-07-21T11:12:00.000-05:00

I have this recurring dream where i am writing an exam and don't know anything or i'm not prepared for the exam. It's funny because i've had this dream at least 10 times, different settings, different times in my life but the same dream. I dreamt about it again yesterday. I think it's because my greatest fear is (was) failing. The crazy thing is that i have actually lived this dream. My first Anatomy exam in med school 2009, i went in there not knowing anything because i was too worried about passing Genetics to study for it. The experience wasn't as bad as i thought it was going to be but i rather go into an exam prepared for it.

I'm in snail mode right now. What happens to a snail when you touch it? It withdraws. So much going on right now, mostly mental. I want to shut down everything and shut out everyone. So just in case you come on here and see "This blog is open to invited readers only", just know that there are no invited readers and it would most likely be temporary. I get the urge to stop blogging and delete my blog at least once a year and i guess this is that time.