I really don't like talking relationship stuff on this blog for a lot of reasons but i appreciate the advice u guys gave. CultureSoup asked "if you don't like his character what's the point of finding out whether he wants to be in a relationship with you?" Best question of the year, cos it made me stop and think and i'm still thinking.
So did i stick to the plan? Not exactly. According to the plan, i'm supposed to call him later this evening, but seriously, I didn't know if i could be in suspense that long. However, i acknowledge that sometimes u have to give pple space, so i didn't respond to his annoying text on Friday evening and i left him alone all day Saturday. After i got off work yesterday, i called him. He answered on the first ring (literally) and said "Hey, i was just about to call you". I asked him how he was, and he said he had been sick. He sounded really bad, and i was like,"Hmmm.... there was no plan for if he was sick. Do i still talk for 1 min or do i just talk to him seeing how he was sick". I figured, u know what, this dude has been annoying me for a hot min so whatever. I did ask about his symptoms cos i'm not that uncaring, but the conversation was very short. I told him i was tired from work (which he had earlier asked me to quit btw and he will pay my bills, but i had refused) and that i wanted to spend some time with my dad who was visiting for a day.
I sent him a couple of texts abt some stuff my dad was trying to do that he had a question about and he responded and then called me this morning with a more detailed response. The "script" did not call for me calling him at all, but i figured it would be nice to see how he was doing since he still sounded really bad when he called. So i just called him a few minutes ago, he's still very sick, he sounds horrible, he feels horrible, and he has no idea what i had planned for him, so we are "normal".
To those who asked, why i haven't just straight up asked him what he wants. Trust me, i have. I even gave him an out on Friday. Regardless of how upset he makes me at time, one of the reasons, i haven't walked away is this. Even though things did not turn out as i would have loved with regards to school, i wouldn't have been able to get through the mental stress of last semester without this dude. He was like a God sent angel, i swear. He was more than there for me. He was very supportive, understanding and encouraging. He pushed me towards God again and got me to believe in prayers and go to church (something i hadn't done since 2003). I got to see the best of him at that time.
I probably seemed like i hated his guts yesterday, but i really don't. I was just frustrated at myself. I don't always like how he handles issues, like Barefeet mentioned in her comment, he shuts down when i start to talk. It's almost like a machine that has a total malfunction whenever there's sign of trouble, but when are getting along, it's like we are best friends. Break ups are not easy for me to do, especially when i like the person. When i walk away from all this, i want to be sure that i gave us a chance and i wasn't hasty in ending things. I never want to have any regrets. With that being said, i still think i need to give him some space. I need it for myself also.
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